2023-04-30: The Folly of Singular Purpose
- Cast: Koji Kabuto, LiSA, Rita Bernal, Tetsuya Tsurugi
- Where: Fujinomiya City - Repair Silo
- Date: U.C. 0097 04 30
- Summary: Deeply concerned about Rita's myopic obsession with her singular path, Koji brings in a ringer - someone else who has walked the same self-destructive road, his brother Tetsuya.
CW: Frank mention of suicide.
<Pose Tracker> Koji Kabuto has posed.
For some time now, the Photon Power Lab has been dealing with not one but two big secrets - and it's high time, in Koji's view, to bring the rest of his family in on the second.
The repairs of the RX-0 Phenex are coming along much faster now. Her golden exterior armour is being reforged and reshaped now. In perhaps a week she'll be able to leave the quarantine silo they're treating her in.
'Treating' is perhaps an odd word to use for a mobile suit, but it is an odd mobile suit indeed.
Koji has explained a little of the situation to Tetsuya - the Gundam contains the psychic presence of a former Titans test subject, Rita Bernal, who chose to end her life on her own terms and become something much stranger, but from the way she describes herself -
"It's like she's trying to make herself into a tool - and a very specialised one. ... I'm not sure she really sees herself as a person any more - which. I suppose makes sense when you foresee and commit to your own suicide."
He's been wearing a frown on his face a lot lately, when it comes to the Phenex's pilot. "Normally, obviously, neither of us would be able to talk to her outside of dreams - we're both in the 'control group' when it comes to Quantum Brainwave tech, after all - but I came up with an assitive device that lets her project an avatar for us and communicate."
He walks over to the projector-device, making sure it's functional and looking around for sign's of Rita's activity in the silo.
"Rita? Like I told you the other day, I brought my brother to meet you." He gestures to the other, slightly older man. "This is Tetsuya Tsurugi."
<Pose Tracker> Rita Bernal has posed.
As the Phenex heals, the spirit within seems to grow more active, more powerful. Her hard-light avatar is present more often than not. Each day, she's picked a new dress from the catalog of choices Kaworu Nagisa brought.
Today's choice is a deep pink, almost purple. It floats around Rita's avatar prettily, reaching down just past her knees, with slight "sleeves" falling off her shoulders. It looks like the kind of thing a cultured woman would wear to the seaside. Blonde hair falls down just beneath her shoulders in soft waves -- but even this can't disguise the many, many scars lining the woman's body.
When Koji and Tetsuya enter, Rita is seated in the Phenex's hand, leaning back against the Gundam's curled fingers. Music floats through the hangar, playing cheerily from a small radio LiSA provided. There's a lot of new songs today. It's almost overstimulating!
Sensing their approach before they've even opened the door, Rita switches off the music and stands, hopping down from the Phenex's palm.
"Hello!" Rita greets, cheerily, once the men approach the Phenex. She doesn't seem to like straying too far from it. "My name is Rita Bernal. Koji's told me a little about you, Tetsuya. It's nice to meet you!"
<Pose Tracker> Tetsuya Tsurugi has posed.
Tetsuya is many things. Most relevant among them right now:
1) Only slightly more psychic than your average brick.
2) Someone who had once hurled himself into a suicidal crusade as a 'living tool' and only survived because Kenzo Kabuto doesn't raise no corpses. And probably a miracle besides.
3) A father.
To wit, there is a baby snoozing on his chest, mounted to a Super Alloy Z Fiber-spun baby bjorn. There is a complicated expression on his face. Tetsuya's, not the baby's. The baby is sleeping soundly, because that is what babies generally do, and this one in particular needs an abundance on account of the nascent super soldier genes demanding tremendous resources at all times (and because he is a sleepy, snuggly boy).
He, too, seemed unhappy about Koji's revelation. Not because he was keeping secret gundams, but rather because of the kind of person inhabiting this gundam. And, more importantly, the course she had set herself upon.
He glances up as he is greeted and lifts a hand in return. "Tetsuya Tsurugi. Koji has told me quite a bit about you." Oh good he's starting with a gentle hello-- "What's this I hear about you charging headlong into certain death with no intention of even trying to avert it?"
...Oh.
<Pose Tracker> LiSA has posed.
Meanwhile, behind the men who proved the determination of the Kabuto household, and the youngest of their burgeoning future, is ... LiSA!
She's carrying the diaper bag, to keep Tetsuya's hands free. She waves at Rita, before both Koji and Tetsuya can practically hear what feels like a Sayaka and Jun combined 'really?' stare.
<Pose Tracker> Koji Kabuto has posed.
Baby Gai's appetite promises to be tremendous, if the way his mouth fell upon Koji's finger when the new uncle was giving the kiddo the family greeting is to be taken as indicative of the future. It's a challenge his domestic side burns to meet - between him and Jun, the kid will be eating well for decades.
To see Rita active again, after her recent slump (which he still needs to ask her about), is heartening - and giving her music to enjoy was a brilliant move on LiSA's part, especially as she explores the various channels on offer.
"How are you doing, Rita?" He asks her quickly before Tetsuya gets his turn to speak.
Every so often, Koji wonders if Tetsuya Tsurugi, his adoptive brother who he loves dearly and fiercely, has learned that delicate human art of 'small talk'.
Every time so far he has somehow been surprised to be reminded 'nope'.
He can't suppress a sigh at Tetsuya's characteristic directness. "Straight to the point as ever," he remarks, with an apologetic smile to Rita's avatar.
<Pose Tracker> Rita Bernal has posed.
A baby.
Rita's eyes light up with both wonder and slight distress. She hasn't seen a baby in... eighteen years. Something with endless potential, infinite futures. If she was more than a fragment of psychic memory, Rita could plot the ideal path this child should follow, choosing from trillions--
But this child isn't a part of the one true path. It's not important.
Green eyes drag themselves away from the sleeping baby and up to Tetsuya's face. Rita's smile is imperfect and charming as the man greets her, until he gets right to the point. Then, her face shifts. It's almost imperceptible, were the men (and LiSA) in front of her less observant, they may not notice a change at all.
But that smile turns perfect. Symmetrical, beautiful, practiced. Rita raises her arm, waving to Lisa, before moving her hand up to her mouth, giggling softly.
"Koji, your brother is a little intense!" Rita says, all sweetness. "I'm doing just fine, thank you! The music has been really nice today. There was a concert over the weekend, people have been talking about it in between the songs."
With a spin, Rita walks over to where a few chairs are settled, taking one of them for herself. "If you'd like to hear that story, Tetsuya, we should probably sit down. Normally I'd try to hide things, but Koji and LiSA already know most everything." A sigh, and a shrug that lets golden hair fall forward over her shoulder. "So I may as well be honest."
"I've been able to see the future since I was seven. At that time, I saw an event that will destroy the entirety of the Earthsphere, with exactly one way to stop it." Rita says, her smile never fading. "And so I've walked the path to that one way, no matter the cost. Is that so surprising?"
Rita's eyes shimmer with artificial light. "Isn't that what you would've done, Tetsuya?"
<Pose Tracker> Tetsuya Tsurugi has posed.
Tetsuya Tsurugi is a man who probably could have been more accurately named Tetsuya Tetsubo. He is . . . blunt. As ever, he is blunt. But, no, that's not quite right. He has gotten somewhat better about this sort of thing in recent years. Time has mellowed the Hero of the Skies out somehwat, to the point that he no longer hits everyone with verbal hammers over every little thing. No, it takes something particular to get this out of him, these days.
You know, like what amounts to a premeditated suicide plan. That sort of thing.
Even coming from a fragment of psychic will, that's something he can't ignore easily.
His gaze sweeps briefly over toward LiSA and Koji. It is a razor of a thing. It doesn't so much linger as drag roughly across the awareness. He is wearing, as some might call it, his drill sergeant look right now.
Rita puts on a false smile. Tetsuya sees through it. Not that he penetrates the deception-- he sees through it. His expression does not change, his countenance does not even so much as lose even a fraction of a Mohs in its hardness. Even as she describes the absolute necessity of her decision, it does not change. It is a glacier. A cliff face. A blade of polished steel.
"Yes, it is," he answers her question without a moment's hesitation. "That's why I can say it's about the dumbest thing you could possibly be doing."
...Yep.
"If your plan is 'something that Tetsuya Tsurugi could have feasibly done by being a stubborn moron', it is a bad plan," he says without even an ounce of shame. "You should find a better one. Unless you're so dead-set on self-sacrifice that any alternative is outside your parameters. If you are, then that's definitely my brand of stupid and you should reconisder immediately. Don't be stupid, Rita Bernal. This world does not need two of me."
<Pose Tracker> LiSA has posed.
LiSA just lifts a hand wordlessly, head shaking slightly in the process. His surname might be Tsurugi, but Kabutos.
"Let me know if you want me to take little Gai, okay?" LiSA tells him reasonably. Rita takes a spinny chair, and LiSA drags a beanbag chair over to chill next to her. Even more, she offers her a hand. LiSA has not learned yet, truly, emotions. In that sense, she and baby Gai are developing on the same length, that way. However, she has been hanging around long enough to know that, perfect smile and pretty outfit or not, Rita needs support. That, she can give.
<Pose Tracker> Koji Kabuto has posed.
Koji has seen too much of the wounded, frightened, lost Rita to be fooled by her plastic, serene 'goddess' act - but her choosing to don it is another mark of how the Phenex's repairs are coming, if she can summon the mental fortitude for that wall of beatific poise.
"'Intense' is an understatement; he was a one-man army, back in the day. That's why I thought it would be important for the two of you to talk."
Tetsuya immediately rewards the faith Koji's trusted him with, however, and the scientist smiles a complicated little smile at his brother's unashamed self-deprecation.
<Pose Tracker> Rita Bernal has posed.
Tetsuya isn't taken in by the goddess act for a second, and Rita seems genuinely surprised. It's not an emotion she's used to! Her perfect smile breaks apart, leaving her with a baffled look that makes her eyes look enormous.
"Oh." Rita blinks. "I thought that would work."
She brings a hand to her face, pressing it against her cheek. "Hmm."
LiSA offers a hand, and Rita smiles at her (the real sort of smile), and takes it. "Thanks, LiSA. You're really good at being a friend. Much better than I am."
"A one man army?" Rita looks throughtful. Has Koji found the footage of the Phenex's exit from the Federation? "I see. Then you're hoping Tetsuya will change my mind."
Turning her gaze to Tetsuya, Rita smiles, a little sadly. "I'm afraid it's too late. I'm already dead. I've already sacrificed myself, and many others, in the pursuit of my path. If I turn back now, it'd all be for nothing."
Perhaps Rita's grip increases on LiSA's hand at the very thought. It certainly shows in her face.
"Koji has talked about saving the world, about finding another way." Rita's voice is soft, and her gaze is slowly drawn down to the sleeping baby once again. "But I spent a year searching through trillions of possibilities. If I'm going to save the Earthsphere, and--"
A pause. It's still hard to admit.
"...and Jona and Michele. There's only one way." Green eyes squeeze closed, and Rita's shoulders draw up in distress. "I'm only a remnant, now. An echo. The portion of my soul that existed in the Phenex was... burned as fuel, to save Palau and fight the monsters. Until the Phenex is repaired, I won't be able to..."
Rita opens her eyes, looking down at her lap. "...to see if I've ruined the path. It might already be too late. But I can't see the realm of possibility the way I am now. I can't know. And I can't plan for anything besides what I knew before the battle."
<Pose Tracker> Tetsuya Tsurugi has posed.
"I have indeed come to change your mind. But more than that, I have come to tear your arguments apart. Because so many of them were once my arguments, and I have come to learn exactly how flawed they are. In you, I see me, Rita Bernal. And I don't need to be a Newtype to know where this road leads," Tetsuya stiffens, if that were even something possible. He has the expression of a man who has seen too much. Killed too much. Ghosts cling to him like a cloak of ash and corpses.
Tetsuya Tsurugi is a one-man army, indeed. When Kenzo Kabuto had sacrificed himself and the Fortress of Science to save Tetsuya from the Mycenae-- and Tetsuya's own reckless selfishness-- it seemed like all hope had been lost. Until a grieving Tetsuya nearly killed himself commiting genocide upon what was left of the Mycenae race in a grotesque typhoon of bloody vengeance. Even the Great Emperor of Darkness could only turn tail and flee from the machine of carnage that Tetsuya had become.
It almost destroyed him completely.
Only a series of miracles saved him from what should have been his end.
"You are very clearly not dead," Tetsuya says without missing a beat, taking ALL OF THIS in stride. "And if you were, what does that matter? We've known several zombies, two mummies, and an entire race of necromantic Greco-Roman giants. 'Death' is a suggestion for some. If you are a ghost that can still exert will and influence upon the world, then whether you are alive or dead is immaterial. For all intents and purposes, you are alive."
She has already made sacrifices. So many sacrifices. "And you are worried if it was all in vain? So what if it was?" Tetsuya's expression-- somehow, inexplicably, grows even harder. "If your excuse for not finding a better way is sunk cost and crushing guilt on a massive scale, then all that means is that your convictions have blinded you to the possibility of forgiveness and of making amends. Has all that you've achieved through your sacrifice-- saving Palau, saving so many others, been 'for nothing?'"
Then, his son stirs and yawns, and he takes a moment to place a gentle hand upon the boy's head. "...You are fighting for people you care about. But you do not think that they would be heartbroken to know that you're sacrificing yourself like this? That you are making the choice for them, to remove yourself completely from their lives?"
She cannot see the future anymore. Not like she could before. Tetsuya shrugs. "...If you accept already that you may have already failed, then there is no harm in attempting to do something different. Rita Bernal, your eyes have seen trillions of possibilities..."
"But you are currently dwelling in a place filled with light that shines beyond 'possibility,'" Tetsuya sweeps an arm vaguely in the direction of everything. Everything within the Photon Power Labs. Everything. "A place full of people who defy 'possibility' with knowledge and determination every single day. The body you use now is proof. You, Newtype, are likewise a being capable of reaching beyond 'possibility.'" His arms fall, and his jaw sets, "...Or do you think it was ever 'possible' for Amuro to have turned Axis away before he achieved that feat?"
"...You have imprisoned yourself in a cage of conviction, 'possibility,' guilt, egotism and fatalism, and because of these things you throw yourself into your mission at the cost of the very loved ones you want to protect. No, you are too much like me, Rita Bernal. If I were to wager on a difference, it's that I merely did not care whether I lived or died, whereas you are seemingly dead-set on wasting the chance this universe has given you."
"Do not, Rita." Tetsuya finishes, softer now. "...You still have the chance to live, even as a shade. Take it while you can. Trust in the ones you love to overturn mere 'possibility.'"
<Pose Tracker> LiSA has posed.
Every time her hand is gripped more tightly, LiSA squeezes it back in a gesture of 'yes, I felt that, I'm here.'
This conversation is beyond her, although her head tilts back towards Koji and she asks, silently, 'necromantic Greco-Roman giants?' There is HISTORY she has NOT BEEN INFORMED ABOUT.
Jail for father. Jail for a thousand years.
<Pose Tracker> Koji Kabuto has posed.
"Grafted-together mummified lovers, a headless henchman, a scientist turned into a classic sci-fi homage... multiple robots with hearts, wills and souls of their own, even without accounting for 3G's Super Robot corps... The residents of Tsutsujidai... 'Life' has always refused to be simple to classify, and it's finding new ways to exist every day." Koji's counting off on his fingers. He glances up towards LiSA, somehow sensing her glare. "I'll... Give you the Science Fortress Lab's logs to review, Lisa. The fight with the Mycenaeans was a lot."
"Every now and then," he says in an aside to Tetsuya, "I wonder who some of those Warrior Beasts were before their own leaders forced them into those bodies." His brother has so much more to say, though. Koji falls quiet, pride shining in his steel-grey eyes.
<Pose Tracker> Rita Bernal has posed.
Koji is given a momentary irritated look -- more playful than anything. This is Rita's reward for being honest with him? A bunch of advice that 100% applies to her situation and cuts to the heart of her problems?
Very rude, Koji.
Rita doesn't know Tetsuya's story -- her visions only go forward, never back. But she can feel the kinship they share. How many people has the Phenex destroyed by now? Rita never even thought to keep track. How many cinders are left in the Firebird's wake?
Rita takes a breath. "I'm not used to talking to people, and especially not honestly. It's a little overwhelming. Most people were happy to let me play with them or solve their problems. That was... a lot easier."
Koji mentions Tsutsujidai, and Rita startles, looking at him sharply. "Tsutsujidai. The people are waking up. They're in danger, Koji. They don't have protections like other places. If nothing changes, then--" Rita cuts herself off, expression dark.
Not dead..? Again, Rita tilts her head, glancing to Koji as if asking for guidance here. "My... ashes are in the cockpit of the Phenex. It's the reason I can never open it. If they're lost, I think I'd vanish."
"What is a zom--" Rita shakes her head. That's not the point. She gets what Tetsuya is trying to say. "That's true. The Phenex is my body now, and I'm very lucky to have her. Not to mention what Koji has done for me here."
It's limited. Being a Gundam or a projected avatar both come with many downsides. Even now, Rita can only see the world in shades of red-violet, casting the Kabutos in a dire light.
"If it was--!" Rita's face twists in grief. "It's not just my own suffering I've caused, it's--!"
Jona. Michele. Her sisters.
Tears gather in Rita's eyes, and as if in response, the Phenex begins to glow blue. There are few broken pieces now, very little for her to manipulate on her own. But she's stronger now. Psychic pressure resonates from the Gundam, and slowly, her enormous hand reaches out. The Phenex can't reach all the way to Rita, but the offer of comfort and love is clear.
Rita laughs a little, wiping her eyes. She stands, walking to the offered hand, and wraps her arms around one titanic finger. "Thank you. I know. I'm okay."
After pressing her forehead against the machine, Rita returns to her seat, looking seriously at Tetsuya once more. The baby moves, and Rita tries hard not to look at it, focusing on Tetsuya's hardened expression..
"Yes." Rita answers him. "If I can't walk the path to the end, none of this will matter. The scale of destruction that will occur is like nothing we've seen. If I've lost the path because of the unnecessary things I've done, my own selfish choices -- nothing will matter, ever again. There won't be enough people left for it to matter."
Rita sighs, thinking of Jona's torment the last time they met. "I... The ones I'm fighting for are the very ones I chose to sacrifice, Tetsuya. I've done terrible, terrible things. And not done anything at all, when I should have. Even now, people I love more than anything are suffering because of what I've done, and not done."
In LiSA's hand, Rita trembles.
"I made a decision eighteen years ago that can never be taken back. Someday, I'll have to be honest with them, and... I'll leave them in peace, after." Rita sounds unsure. That part of the path has always been so blurry. "Nothing I can do will make it up to them."
Green eyes sparkle with tears, looking sharply up at Tetsuya as he mentions the Photon Power Labs being a place beyond possibility. She almost opens her mouth to scold him for thinking something so foolish, but...
But what if it's true? What if there is another way?
Rita bites her lip, clenching her free hand into a fist.
"Amuro Ray's actions were a Miracle, only possible because he was a Newtype. But... here... You're not Newtypes, and yet you accomplish so much. Miracles of your own." She murmurs. "I don't doubt your determination or your skill. But can I bet billions of lives on... hope?"
Rita takes in another breath. This one is sharper. Her vision fades around the edges softly -- but she holds on for now. Shoulders squared, Rita looks forward. "I don't know how to do that, Tetsuya. Since I was a child, I had one path, one chance. I never deviated from it while I was alive, no matter what horrors were in front of me."
"Now, how do I let go? How can I put what I want above all those things? I sacrificed the people I love most, and I keep doing it every single day." Rita sniffs, blinking quickly to keep tears from falling. "I never got to live in the way you describe. I don't think it's possible for me."
Even softer, now, she says, "Jona and Michele can't hear me anymore. Their hearts are closed. I can't turn to my sisters. They have to walk their own path, and I cannot interfere without losing them. Who do I turn to? This place? With all the battles you fight -- are you really prepared to add another, just on my word?"
<Pose Tracker> Tetsuya Tsurugi has posed.
"If you open our hearts, we'll bleed out too," he says, "As far as I'm concerned, you just have a big, metal body. But that's besides the point."
'If I can't walk the path to the end,' she says with tear-filled eyes. Others might be moved by tears, be driven to comfort or to soothe. But even in the face of the Phenex activating unbidden, reaching out and projecting raw psychic pressure, Tetsuya does not yield. He cannot. This is as much a battle as it is a conversation-- but the enemy is not something of flesh and blood, it's a horrible abomination of despair and deterministic fatalism wrapped up in a gentle, golden package. Before something like that, he can't step aside. The outside might be different, but what's inside is far too familiar.
He will not lose to himself again. After all, he has already conquered himself.
"Do you not think we've faced similar?" He asks-- no, demands. "If Koji did not defeat Doctor Hell, humanity would be under the heel of a tyrant of science. If I did not defeat the Mycenae, humanity would have been reduced to a slave-race of nerve-stapled sycophants. But the tragedy is that someone else, assuredly, would have taken up our mantle if we'd failed. Just as surely as there were more foes beyond the ones we defeated. This world-- our world-- is not so small and fragile as to be able to be carried on the shoulders of one individual. We who pilot the Majins are capable of wielding the power of God or Devil, but we are still just men, and in the end we are not able to hold up the sky on our own."
"This mistake-- certitude in the fact that only you are able to do what must be done, that any single misstep is doom, is one that almost destroyed me. To take that weight upon yourself will only crush you." She threw her loved ones, metaphorically, under the bus. He shakes his head again. "Where Koji and I wield the strength of god and devil, you carry their eyes. But like me, you've lost yourself to it-- become nothing but an extension of that power. A means to allow it to work upon the world. That has been a blessing. But also a curse. It's trapped you in a paradigm of only what is 'possible.' Just like it trapped me into believing that all I was meant to be was 'strong.'"
Hope? Hope is a funny thing. How does someone put all their chips on 'hope' in the slim chance that things would go the way they want? "You haven't paid much attention to history. Like I said, we never had the ability to see where our path would lead. All that we had was hope-- or at least, Koji did. I mostly had stubbornness, ego and guilt. All we had was the thought that we could win, the tools to try and seize that victory, and people to stand by our side. I realized the last one far too late." And it cost Kenzo Kabuto his life.
His hand forms a fist, clenching painfully tight, "Those people... the notion that you could 'leave them in peace...' Do you think you're a burden? Do you think that it's your choice alone whether you belong in their lives!?" He sighs and quiets as the little child begins to stir and wiggle at the sound of his father's voice. It's a miracle that Gai can sleep through all of this, but... Well, maybe he's just used to Tetsuya's Big Voice. "...They still want you to be in their world. Not as a god, but as who you are."
"...When I emerged from the fires of the Mycenae war, I was about as shattered as anyone can be. My life was... over. All of my existence until that point had been dedicated to a single purpose-- to kill each and every one of those giants. I was forged into a living weapon. Everything outside of the fight was expendible to that end. No thought, no time was spared for what would come after. I didn't think of returning alive because I could not even fathom what life would look like after I did. I only learned how to be human afterwards." Tetsuya brushes calloused fingers across his son's wispy hair and smiles sadly, "...But I figured it out. And if I can, then you can."
"The first step is actually relying on people around you. Recognizing the limits of your abilities and where your responsibilities must end." He gestures vaguely to Koji, "If you can't tell them, then why not have him do it? I don't understand the magic-science behind your situation, but he probably does. Or can."
As to whether she can turn to the labs, Tetsuya glances to Koji and shrugs. "...Dunno. Seems to me that you're going to get helped whether you like it or not at this point."
<Pose Tracker> Koji Kabuto has posed.
Koji nods. "Yumi-san and Sayaka were already preparing for the battle when Grandfather passed Mazinger Z to me. They were the only ones who knew his secret. Father, too, gathered capable minds around him to help him complete Great Mazinger."
"... Their failings," he says, thoughtfully, "Were that they didn't trust more people to carry the banner for them. Mazinger Z could have rusted away to uselessness under the ruins of Grandfather's estate if I hadn't been there to find him."
The tiniest chances can change the course of destiny.
'I only learned how to be human afterwards,' Tetsuya admits, and Koji puts an arm across the back of his brother's shoulders. "And you didn't do it alone, don't forget that. We helped."
There might have been flying fists (of the flesh kind, not the rocket punch kind), and recriminatory yelling, in the process.
"We're all still learning how to be human, really. That's just... how life is. It's messy and there's rarely ever a perfect solution to a problem, but, so often perfect is the enemy of good, in that chasing after it leaves you unable to do smaller good things."
Tetsuya points out that it seems like Rita's going to get helped anyway, and Koji grins. "It's what we do. There will always be more battles to fight in the pursuit of peace and the Ideal World. Facing them head-on is what it means to have a Mazin's Pride, right bro?"
<Pose Tracker> Rita Bernal has posed.
Rita manages a genuine laugh as Tetsuya says she has a big metal body, though that fades quickly as he is unmoved by her tears. She didn't expect him to be -- very rarely has anyone cared about Rita's tears.
She didn't expect this conversation to become a battle. Tetsuya is both exactly what she expected and an entirely unknown variable Rita can't begin to understand. How can there be anyone so similar to her? Rita Bernal is a singular entity. She has to be.
A little smile, as Rita calms herself. "No. I don't know anything about your history. I spent my life inside laboratories. Why educate an experiment?" It's almost a joke. "But I believe you. I know you've both fought against terrible odds. In terrible situations... I can feel it in your souls."
Has Rita lost herself? She looks thoughtful for a moment. "I'm not sure I ever had a self to lose. I'm an extension of possibility more than I ever was a person. The only thing I can remember from before is... that I liked to wear dresses. And the way it felt when my mother brushed my hair."
"But I do feel trapped." Rita all-but whispers.
Another little sad smile. "I only know the things I've seen in others' dreams. But I believe you, Tetsuya." Green eyes turn faraway. "You aren't a Newtype. I can't understand you perfectly. But I still think I know what you mean."
Tetsuya forms a fist, and grows loud enough that his son nearly wakes up. Rita watches the child move, then looks back up at his father. "Yes. I have existed as a burden to them, and nothing more. I destroyed any chance they had for happiness or safety."
As Tetsuya is unaffected by Rita's tears, Rita is curiously unbothered by his shouting. "I can't imagine that they'd still want me to be near them. Any of them. My sisters, or Jona and Michele."
"...and I'm very tired." Rita admits. "I'd like to rest. There's a whole galaxy with such beautiful things to see."
As Tetsuya describes his experience in the Mycenae war, Rita's expression turns to one of recognition. Nothing mattering but the fight. No thought given to what comes after. "...how to be human." Rita smiles softly. "I'm so glad you both found your way. Maybe..." A glance back toward the still Phenex. "Maybe, we could, too."
"Koji could..?" Rita looks at Koji, an idea dawning on her face. "I'm not sure they'd listen to you. But if we're talking about... impossible things."
Smoothing her pink-purple skirts, Rita takes a moment to think. If the Kabutos insist so thoroughly on trying to help. Maybe.
"...it might be pointless." Rita admits, carefully. It's as though she's waiting for the moment they give up on her. "But I'll tell you everything about Jona and Michele. Past and future. And then, maybe, we can find a way. But please, promise me you won't talk to them without telling me, first."
"Jona, Michele, and I met in a shelter for orphans of the One Year War. We were inseparable. I never wanted that to change." Rita's eyes are distant. "Until the day we went to see the flowers..."