2023-03-26: .this world's boundless cruelty hurts our things sO
- Log: .this world's boundless cruelty hurts our things sO
- Cast: Yuliana Kafim, Elisa Kafim
- Where: The Silent Castle, Kaffeklubben Island
- Date: 2023-03-26
- Summary: Yuliana has regrets over how Leina's intervention went -- and Elisa is here to make sure she doesn't blame herself for any of them. With Yuliana drowning in her own self-pity and the unfairness of it all, Elisa assures her again that she couldn't have trusted anyone else to help. But Yuliana isn't content leaving her efforts at one denied gesture; she wants to HELP people. A plan is hatched, and flyers are drawn up... for the Silent Calling's debut. (CW: Self-harm, gaslighting)
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
The Silent Castle stands still, spread out across Kaffeklubben Island. There are four wings at each cardinal point...
... harshest amongst them, the North.
Here, the stark stone covers ritual-beds and sacrifice circles, and many rooms lack windows at all, like the altar with its crystal ball upon it. Yuliana offered herself to the scrying tool again, this afternoon, though the morning is eternally early outside. (This close to the North Pole, time has less meaning, moments stretching out to months.) Freely given, her power can offer Elisa some limited insight, just the same -- and fuel for her darling little creations, of course.
It's too bad that her thoughts and experiences are so stormy right now.
She climbs to the highest tower when she is done, and curls at one of the vast windows which are installed here. All tucked into the lavish window seat, she presses herself against the cold tempered glass of the window. Her tentacles curl about her knees, all pulled up to her chest; her arms curl around her trunk, all caught in the pooling fabric of dark robes. She trembles into herself... or perhaps shivering is a better description. Yuliana, at least, has always been a mortal woman, and she's turned away from the fire burning here.
Those apologies still echo in her head, where she'd stopped outside the door. It wasn't her fault; even Yuliana knows that much. She could no more accept Yuliana's help than Yuliana could Leina's, back then. Yuliana knew this, of course; if her attempts to hasten Leina through her own recovery trajectory had failed, her plan was always to take her by force. It's one reason of many why she couldn't just call her. But...
But she got angry. But she was offended. But she lost her cool.
"It wasn't my fault," is what Yuliana insists, instead, ragged to exhaustion. She weeps bitter tears, and when they fail to stymie the flood of emotions inside her, she begins to strike the side of her head against the window instead. Crushing her sensitive earfins against the glass hurts terribly, of course, and her brain rattles as she rocks herself to and fro. It's a crude attempt to move the inside hurt outside, but what is she to do? She's been taken off all those pills the REA used to control her... which let her control herself.
It's terribly convenient to think she could do nothing but this. Oh, it isn't her fault.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Oh, Yuliana, Yuliana. It could be imagined, if one is kind, that Elisa could sense the hurts of her wife. That she could simply know that she is in need.
But that would be an abomination. No, Elisa has to rely on her hearing as she stands at the scrying orb, on the hurried scrambling of a servant who sees Yuliana and runs, runs, runs to Elisa.
The witch's robes drag along the floor as she goes up the stairs, up the tower, up, up, up with soft and silent cold steps. It wasn't her fault, Yuliana says, and of course, it could not be.
But Elisa hurries to her. "Shhh, shhh, my darling," says Elisa, as she puts a hand between the window and Yuliana's head before she hits it again, heedless of the hurt to her hand that it might cause.
It does not matter.
"Speak to me, my Yuliana. Speak to me, instead of this."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana isn't paying attention to the world, and she is not an abomination who senses the hearts of others. The first hint she has of Elisa's presence is her voice -- the feeling of her palm, as the side of her head impacts it. Her skin has been made cold by the chill of the window. "Ah--" Yuliana gasps, and her voice hitches, as she turns her head. "E-Elya..."
Eyes tearfilled and envy-green, she turns to Elisa, instead, a hand stiffly moving from where it was wrapped about her to bury itself in her robes instead. "Oh!" She chokes out, hides her face by her, and cries.
She's trying to muster her words; really, she is. But it takes her a few moments of carrying on before she gets there, all emotion, overwhelming. "It... it didn't go well, Elya..."
The only time she's been out recently was to rendezvous with Leina; there's little else she could mean, but that.
As if it could have ever gone well.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"Yuliana," Elisa replies. "It is all right," she says, and lets Yuliana bury herself against her, wrapping arms about her to hold her there securely. She is patient through all the carrying-on, cold but not completely rigid, still possessed of something resembling humanity enough to embrace her wife. She waits, for the statement. For what was there...
And there is little else that she could mean, indeed.
"Oh, my Yuliana..."
"I worried so that she would betray your heart in time," she says, and it sounds as if she is in terrible pain as well.
As if it ever could have gone well.
"Tell me of it. Tell me of what happened."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"It wasn't her..." Yuliana protests the betrayal, too, too vaguely, melding herself into Elisa's embrace. "... was it...?" Her knees fold over to Elisa's lap; those horrible tentacles at her back uncurl from the to latch about Elisa's waist, instead. Her hands curl at Elisa's chest, secured there; her face hides against Elisa's neck.
She sniffles; she swallows. She raises her head to look to her wife, green to wounded green, and oh! She aches. The pain weaves through her expression and her voice. "I met with her -- you know," and she does; Yuliana tells her wife where she's going, these days. (As if Elisa has no other way to know.) "I used the example of our seamstress to get through to her, but... well, when she was done poking holes in the methodology she was deeply unsettled by the topic coming to her." Yuliana frowns deeply, voice rising in momentary pique as she explains. "She was totally unreasonable! Oh," she sighs, volume lowering again, "but I suppose I can't blame her for that, either. I thought maybe I could get through to her, but... I guess it was different, somehow. I don't know," Yuliana repeats, that poor, lost mantra, and is she unable or unwilling to see the difference between months of targeted effort and a single meeting?
"I meant to take her anyway... I knew she might be stubborn. But --" Yuliana's frills wilt with the falling of her expression, "but she insulted me, Elya! Said my effort was a waste of time! That I was in error, saving her! I -- I was so angry," she insists, eyes squeezing shut. "I guess I said some hurtful things... after all the trouble it's caused me, I wasn't willing to just suffer for her! I wanted to hurt her back! I wanted to make her pay!" She shakes her head, violently, as if she could shake the tears out. "I knew I wasn't being reasonable either, but... I couldn't control myself."
(Just because something feels true, of course, doesn't necessarily mean that it is, even if it would be deeply convenient.)
"I told her I'd decide what she deserved... and she could just suffer if she wanted it so badly. But she didn't, and I knew that!" Yuliana wails, full of regret. "Just as I didn't want it..!"
She does have this troublesome habit of relating to people who've suffered as she's suffered.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Was it??? Perhaps they will see. 'You know', Yuliana says, and of course she knows. Of course Elisa would be able to tell who Yuliana means, just by her saying such a thing. And she tried to get through to her, and there is this pique...
"How very terrible," Elisa reflects when Yuliana finishes. That poor, lost mantra. She doesn't know, she doesn't know. She cries out for certainty. She cries out for understanding.
And Elisa will give it to her.
"Terrible of her captors, to put her in such a position. Terrible of her captors, to put you in such a position. Of course she would be unable to see the wisdom of your statements. Ah, but still, knowing that she could not be saved so easily, your giving heart cried out to attempt it nonetheless."
"Their cruelty knows no bounds. To think that they would even make her capable of insulting you, her friend, while you were only trying to help. Why, no one could be blamed for lashing out in such pain."
"...But it is not your fault. It is theirs, for doing this to her. It is theirs, for taking her cruelly from you. And we will make them pay."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Elisa gives her so much, and asks so little.
Yuliana hums through her lips, as Elisa explains; as Elisa absolves her. It wasn't her fault; she can't be blamed! The conflict in her heart is eased, to hear Elisa say it, because it always sounds so much more convincing from her wife.
She is convinced.
Eyes a wounded window, Yuliana reaches up, with a hand, to cup Elisa's cheek. "Thank you," she sighs, head tilting obligingly to a side. "You're right, of course... but what are we to do, Elya?"
A frown reaches Yuliana's scarred face again, as she reflects: "I don't know if I'll get her alone again. Now she knows... she'll think me a danger to her. Oh, it isn't fair!" Her frills flick outwards, anger her lips again. "She didn't think me dangerous when I was, and now I'm inclined to answer her cries for help, she'll have nothing to do with me! I don't understand those people--!!" Newtypes, that is. They're still 'those people', even knowing where she came from.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa holds Yuliana close, and looks down to her when Yuliana reaches up to her face. The tentacles wrapped about her are obviously comforting as well. What are they to do, though? Elisa gives her best reassuring look, and her eyes even look focused, as if she really is part of the world today.
There's a reason for that.
"You may not," Elisa agrees reluctantly. "It isn't fair at all, though." She uses soothing tones, careful words. "It is hard to understand such people. The curse under which they labor makes them... unpredictable. Chaotic. Strange."
"It is a pity, but we must always be wary that they might hurt us, even without meaning to. Such is the curse of the Newtype."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana may, in fact, not be able to understand them. Or, perhaps...
Elisa would never tell Yuliana what to do, of course. She's just affirming what Yuliana has told her. Why else would she sound so reluctant about it? She's just such a good listener. Yuliana is so lucky to have her.
"The Newtype's curse..." Yuliana echoes, and frowns, fingers stroking Elisa's cheek as she works through the implications in her mind. "I guess... that does explain why they don't always seem to realise how wretched they are."
That she is unpredictable, and chaotic, and strange -- she doesn't seem to recognise at all. She's too busy looking at Elisa.
"But, Leyasha..." She glances away, frowning again. "What am I to do with her? I told her she'd be punished, but..." Crimes of passion are rarely thought through. "I... I could admit defeat, I suppose. Involve her wretched friends, have them save her... but it hurts, Elya. I decided to allow her this status, though she's such a sorry creature... is it not enough, then, that I would spare her?" Is SHE not enough? "Why do I have to rely on them?! I won't do it, I won't--!!" She shakes her head, again, bangs whipping at her cheeks.
It's petulant and petty, the way she demands all the credit, loathe to let some Newtype in to help.
There's a reason for that, too.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"How could they know? They cannot trust even their own perceptions. Accursed and hounded by the voices that cannot be, they must struggle even to act in normal circumstances. ...Why else would their power make them so good at violence? It is unnatural."
Once, she might not have cared. But since her Yuliana showed her the truth of Newtypes, she realized she had been overlooking a grave threat...
Leina, though. What will she do? "Oh, she will be punished, I am sure. But not by you. You are too kind and gentle for that."
She smiles, almost warmly. She has an ordinary number of teeth. "Of course it is enough," Elisa says. "You do not have to do anything you do not wish to do. To trust them--how can you? When she has already fallen under their sway, who knows how easily they can all be suborned, with such holes in their mental states?"
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
There's something about that description...
Yuliana can't connect it.
But Elisa praises her softer qualities, and smiles -- and Yuliana can't help but smile back, even under the shadow of what Leina will face. (She is not 'almost' warm; she is still a warm-blooded creature by nature, even now.) "Of course... I can't. Even if they mean well by her, at least... she was so determined this arrangement would see her people safe." Trouble enters her eyes again, as she insists: "I tried to tell her, Elya... I even told her what they did to me, but..."
She deflates; her hand drops, to rest at the arch where Elisa's fine neck meets her strong shoulder, as she looks down. "It's pointless, isn't it?" She grumbles, all bitter, all resentful.
"Someone like me... can't help anyone. All I can do is tear them down..."
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Of course she can't. She's not a Newtype.
But Elisa is beginning warm slightly, by such proximity to Yuliana. It is almost noticeable. ...Almost. But for now--
"I believe you," Elisa says seriously. "Perhaps she is right. Perhaps this sacrifice is hers to make. But it is cruel to you, certainly."
But pointless...
"Not at all," Elisa answers her, reaching out to gently rest a hand on the back of her head.
"You have helped me greatly. I would not be here and now, if not for you."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"How could they do this to me?" Yuliana mutters, on the cruelty inherent in Leina's present condition, with not a shred of irony.
But -- there are fingers in the hair Elisa was kind enough to help Yuliana grow out, a gentle presence on the back of her head, and her eyes widen in affectionate recognition. There's little she can do but lift her gaze to Elisa's again, a fragile smile fluttering over her lips. "Elya... I'm so glad. And I'm glad you're here... I don't know what I'd do without you, really, I don't."
She lived a whole life before Elisa met her, of course, and lived it with great certainty.
But now she has Elisa.
And now she needs Elisa.
"If only this world were filled with more people like you... it would be a much better place." Not brighter, certainly -- but kinder. For her. "I wish I could reach... mm, but it's impossible," she dismisses reaching an understanding with the world, just as she did before. (Just as Elisa told her.) "This world doesn't understand, anyway..."
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa pets Yuliana's hair, as she mutters on such cruelty. It is a terrible thing, really. That gentle presence of Elisa's is something she keeps, and she smiles back to her, so carefully, so lovingly.
"We don't have to find out," she says simply, because Elisa is here, and will be here, and they will be here together, and it is that simple.
"It would," Elisa agrees. "And perhaps one day it will. One day, when more understand, rather than simply seeking the Void as a means to their own ends."
"...This world does not understand. But perhaps we can make it so. One day."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana's expression gentles, under that loving touch, tamer and softer still. Most people would not call Yuliana kind or gentle; most people, as it happens, are not Elisa.
And they do not see what Elisa sees.
No, this side of Yuliana... it's just for Elisa, isn't it?
"Good," she breathes, when Elisa assures her they don't have to find out what happens, if she were without her. And she is happy, genuinely, absolutely, and with relief.
Her eyelids flutter; she sighs. For a moment she is just captivated by Elisa, listening to her, reassured by her certainty. It's only a few beats later that she murmurs: "... could we?"
She still holds their hope and their love, looking up to Elisa, where she's melted in against her. "Couldn't we go to them, Elya? Couldn't we make them see? Couldn't it be today?" Couldn't she help them?
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa sees what is important. What is necessary. What is beautiful? ...What is in her eyes.
It is only for her.
But Elisa considers that question, in those heartbeats. (Her own beats, doesn't it? ...Doesn't it?)
She considers that question, as she looks down into Yuliana's very green eyes, and couldn't they?
"Is that what you want?" she asks. "...We could try. I only do not wish to see you hurt again. Trying with mere words instead of actions could cause them to turn against you; they already are so unstable, so terribly changeable..."
"I worry, you see. But if you wish, we can certainly try to reach out to someone. ...Tomorrow. Tonight it is late, and you must rest."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
And Yuliana is there, in Elisa's eyes, just for her, just as Elisa's heart beats for her. Doesn't it?
"It's just... people helped me," Yuliana says, a touch pleadingly, tilting her head back into Elisa's hand. "Or, I should say, they helped you help me... but they did try, Elya. I thought... I'd like to help them, too. This world is cruel... maybe I haven't been so thoughtful about that, all the time. Maybe I ought to try offering them salvation, instead of acting for their own good... since no one ever understands why we'd do such a thing."
But Elisa is worried. Elisa thinks she might be hurt. They'll turn against her...
"I don't know... I can't do it alone, anyway," Yuliana insists, as she synthesises her uncertain explanation with why she's so unsettled. "I need your help, Elya." She needs her.
... Yuliana can't do anything without Elisa, these days, even if she's just letting her know.
They're very close, you understand.
And closer still, as Yuliana sighs, sinking into Elisa's chest. "You're right," she cedes, again, though the sun hasn't shifted from its place on the horizon. Surely it's late; isn't she tired? "Thank you, Elya... you're always looking out for me..."
... Elisa might have to carry her to bed, but that's fine.