2023-03-10: How To Salvage a Pearl Eaten For Survival
- Log: 2023-03-10: How To Salvage a Pearl Eaten For Survival
- Cast: Seolla Schweizer
- Where: TDD-1
- Date: U.C. 0097 03 10
- Summary: The more you learn to remember, the more forgotten things reach out.
It’s boiling hot. I know that it is, because sweat won’t stop dripping down my face.
The rest of me is stuffed and confined in uncomfortable armor. Tight in annoying places. Loose in others. It wasn’t made for me.
-do I even know for sure why it’s not made for me? The same reason - - that everyone we fight is bigger than us?
-A few people laugh when I meet them. I’m used to that.
-A few people have eyes go wide when I meet them. I’m not so used to that.
-One of them gets angry. He says something like:
“Is this some kind of joke? These are children you’re sending in.”
-and <h i s> voice croaks in
“They’re stronger and harder workers than you are! ]]ISN’T THAT RIGHT[[”
|And it is right! I work so hard! I cry so much! That’s correct. I can hold onto how I’ll do better and better and better each day. Even though you all are bigger, there’s things I can do that you can’t!|
>>it has to be right because otherwise<<
___a different voice croaks in next to me but i’m not quite listening.
___”They work together better than you all will! ]]isn’t that right?[[
___something similar to me rings out. ((my partner)) is next to me. I can’t hear him say anything but i can hear him say |something| and >>something<<
I promise to prove myself.
I promise to keep pushing when everyone else turns back
If they can’t make it, I will make it in their stead.
If they [die] I’ll just make su
^v^v^>who are you next to me?< You’re someone else important. >You’re someone unfamiliar.< You’re someone so unimaginably important and special to me that I want to cry just seeing your face again.^v^v^
_ _ _ _ ((Bronzo-27. You will have to move forward without Bronzo-9.))
_((9? 9? 9???))
^v^v^you’re breathing so heavily in my arms. Dark hair matted on your cheek. You’re someone so unimaginably important to me. I don’t want to let go of you. >Who are you?< Your eyes are like the moon. >I don’t recognize this face.< I know this is the last time I’ll see your face. I don’t want to let go. But your life is leaking all over my hands. ^v^v^
__[[<please don’t leave me alone again, ||[vubia[||>]]_
<>i need to take bronzo-9 [[|_vubia] with me. I need to save you. I need to save you
_ _ _ _ ((Bronzo-27. You will have to move forward without Bronzo-9.))
I will have to move forward without you.
I wish i never let go
_ if i let go if i let go if i let go if i let go
_ let me hold on let me hold on let me hold on please please please please PLEASE
_ it’s not just you it’s not just you it keeps happeni-
IS IT MY FAULT!?
Of course. It’s because
_ i need to do more to keep them alive
_ i need them so badly so if i am not strong enough losing them is a punishment
I can push onward if it’s \my fault/
Just work harder next time and you won’t have to ]die[ on me
_ my feet feel so heavy. The floor is hard. At the same time it’s soft. I’m sinking into it. Sinking. It just means
_ i have to be even stronger to pull my legs up
((Keep moving, Bronzo-27. It’ll be _over_ when you finish this mission.))
What a relief. They’ll cure the feeling that’s like a cactus in my heart. _PLEASE DON’T - I DON’T WANT TO FORGET THEM_
_If I forget it’s just as bad as being &ISOLATED&$-(0_
“Don’t do that to me, don’t do that to me, DON’T DO THAT TO ME-!!!!”
Seolla’s hand bashes painfully onto her bedframe as she thrashes and clings and bolts upright, chest heaving, eyes shaky and unfocused. It’d be terrifying if it were dark - but helpfully.
The room softly lights up once it detects that she’s moving around so much.
If it were dark, it’d be an inky abyss to reach through. But with this light, it’s reality. The bunk room she’s familiar with on the TDD-1. She still has the luxury of this little room being to herself - a little bit more privacy aboard this ship than on other submarines.
-nobody’s telling her to shut up.
…though one gentle little blinking light and tone does sound from an intercom on her night stand, a flashing button Seolla balefully pushes, even while drenched with sweat and clutching a pillow like her life depended on it.
“You okay in there? It sounds like someone’s causing problems.”
Breathing heavily, gasping for breath, Seolla quickly says, “N…n…no, nobody’s - no, I’m the only one in here still. …Just…just a bad dream. I’m…fine.” Toppling and splaying on her bunk, Seolla lays one hand over her own forehead, eyes flitting to the varying features on the ceiling. A vent, a sprinkler, a pipe and a valve and wire couplings and other technical ports. It’s almost a comfort how they’re there to be fixated on, when she’s so used to late nights with nothing to look at.
“Gotcha. Take care of yourself, get some water and something to eat if you don’t feel too nauseous. You know who to call if something comes up.”
Seolla can only muster up a soft little murmuring noise in affirmation, stirring and shifting from cocooning in her sheets to tossing them away from herself. A good fifteen minutes of aimless squirming.
That face.
Hurriedly, Seolla reaches for her notebook. It’s already fading, though. How long has it been? Her pencil stops a millimeter from the page. She doesn’t remember that face. She doesn’t remember what they did together.
Countless little moments too important to forget.
Like ash sifting through her fingers. All she can do-
-is dampen it just enough to stick together for a little while longer.
“...I…miss you so much…I wish I could’ve saved you…whoever you are…”