2023-02-27: Something, Someone Important
- Cast: Asciel Colette, Ai Martel
- Where: Nagoya
- Date: U.C. 0097 02 27
- Summary: Until now, something inhuman had little choice but to only care for itself - but the urge to safely care for another can't be contained any longer.
(some cw - aftercare of sexual activity but very little explicit here. 100% fluffy.)
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
To be 'with' Asciel is to throw oneself into vast and unthinkable machinery and yet to seek tenderness from its gears and pistons. To carve a space within that perilous, stark landscape and to interface with it for ones own benefit, in ways it was never designed for. Not even physically - but emotionally as well, for her foundational being is surely something alien - an amalgamation of numerous subsystems that clawed her way into coherence through the arcane meaning to be derived from eons past. A song written by Mycenae, given life through means never intended to play it - in a key it was never intended to be played. To seek comfort in such a being is to seek sureness from the fairies - gentleness from the gods - sanity from madness.
>Yes. That's how it is, inherently. And thus, you're someone clearly seized by madness, Ai Martel.
>Relishing in my limits beyond what a human can achieve - insisting I exact myself upon you, throw you into the maelstrom. Demanding more and more and more. Even in this body I crafted as though a trinket that, even at such a pitiful size, would induce pain and ardor upon most men.
>It's almost fun, to bend you in ways Id assumed would make humans break. It's delightful, to see you sweat with the verge of your boundaries at hand. I can exceed them. It takes such restraint on my part to stop from shattering you. And yet you delight in this process. How amusing.
...within the Martel manors bedchambers then, there's clearly a most intense dialogue at hand. A human consorting with a being that manifests but one of her appendages in the shape of something somewhat human. A body Asciel parses as only a 'toy' she manipulates - something she structurally cannot reside in fully.
How can she possibly be something comparable to humanity - when her actual true form is this dangerous, invisibility-shrouded thing lurking nearly a kilometer away? And even that much is a cramped, mundane scale to take? Taking on the stature of the Periapta is something she did out of a sense that consorting with Ai would require a simulacrum like this for her to puppet from afar.
Like in all of her endeavors, though - she devotes a terrible amount of energy to mastering even something mundane. After all - this isn't about her satisfaction. Its about Ai's. Bringing her to ecstasy is something Asciel treats...competitively and ruthlessly, as can be expected.
"...right! That sound, that motion of muscles in sequence - that's the one that means you're fulfilled, then. How precious. Ill savor this sensory data dearly.~"
...And right then and there - the second Asciel's crossed Ai's finish line - she draws away from the covers, tossing on her clothes in quick, precise motions, and begins marching at that breathless pace of hers out the door.
Again. It is the third time this week she has walked out the minute she's 'done' with Ai.
"Call upon me in your hour of yearning, and I'll appear in a flash! My, you always push yourself to such limits, though, so don't let your desires for me burn so hot as to set you aflame. Until that time comes, you know well how to capture my ear!~"
And she's about to just go like that! Not even for anything important! The last two times she at least claimed she was on a tight timetable, but here??
<Pose Tracker> Ai Martel has posed.
As the blissful haze fades, and her senses uncloud, descending into the dip after the high, Ai Martel finds herself... quite... unfulfilled.
Again.
Again, Asciel departs with an immediacy approaching urgency... the blonde sits up, holding the sheet over herself, a distinct annoyance on her features as it becomes clear that this isn't just a matter of having somewhere else to be.
But... Asciel is a being fundamentally apart from humanity, isn't she?
"Mm. No, you aren't leaving yet," she says simply, before Asciel can reach the door. Firm, with more than a hint of frustration. "You have been forgetting something important."
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
-Something important.
Asciel pauses in place like time has utterly stopped. Something important she's forgotten - no. Something important she's been forgetting. In a tone so rigid from Ai. Asciel racks her registries - trying to find exactly what Ai is referring to.
No match found. For now.
Swiftly, Asciel pivots on one heel, that beaming and firm smile on her face. "Don't you worry, Ai, I checked everything I could and I haven't forgotten any-"
Finally, Asciel takes in Ai's appearance. The human she's taken such bold measures to fully satisfy is clearly wracked with dissatisfaction. Partly, Asciel thinks she can explain this - of course, it must be a form of ennui. Humans find excitement in novelty which swiftly wears off - that's the purpose of bending limits together as she does.
---something 'important'. From Asciel's perspective, none of this has been important-
>Conflict found. A high amount of processing power is often diverted to matters pertaining to Ai. This power has proven insufficient for assessing something 'important' to her.
>as (priority.cardinality=1{code:runtime_insufficient}>call for(emergency))
Abruptly, hundreds of miles away, within the Macross 13's concealment zone in Khanka - and thousands of miles away, in Isaac City's Autonomous Engineering Department - alarms begin blaring.
<EMERGENCY STATUS FOUND.> A top-level crisis has been confirmed. Location of disaster: Excuse me a minute something's clearly gotten mixed up! Nothing here's a crisis! Please stop the alarms GHHHHH-
. . . all the while, Asciel sure is standing there, her left pupil spinning in a circle, urging users to be patient. She can figure this out. She's sure she can parse it!
". . . Oh hell, this has managed to hurt you." Asciel concludes - clearly, as Ai is in a state where something is suboptimal, after something which can only conceivably concern her, she must be in a form of pain, so it must be a pain Asciel's inflicted - thus why she's been highlighted as needing to resolve it. Abruptly, Asciel pivots back into the bedroom, then sharply into the bathroom, digging through the lower cabinets relentlessly for a first aid kit - then swiftly ferrying that and a big cup of water over towards Ai. Marching herself with grim determination back onto the bed, Asciel flings aside Ai's covers and narrows her eyes along every-
A delirious little 'hiss' sounds from the back of Asciel's hair, jets of steam "subtly" spewing from there. It's always a dizzying spectacle.
"Hyaaaah...nn. ...Alright. I'll be careful. I'll resolve this. ...Tell me what important thing I've overlooked in my assessment of how to properly handle you. ...I can't see it for myself, but I will amend this. This, I swear upon!!!" ...the cup of water is held firmly if that's what Ai needs. Maybe all she's forgotten is that humans need hydration!!!
<Pose Tracker> Ai Martel has posed.
... Perhaps, Ai thinks, she should simply tell her. But not only is it helpful for her to get an understanding of how much Asciel *does* understand...
But on the other hand, there's something absolutely adorable about Asciel when she's flustered, when she's thinking, *solving*. And so, she waits. "Hurt me? Mm... in a manner of speaking, but..." She takes the proffered cup of water, but gestures for the first aid kit to be set aside. As Asciel beholds her form, it's clear enough that the woman is unhurt.
And hydration IS quite important! Ai gulps down nearly half the glass all at once, setting it aside afterward. "For humans... well, there's usually more to all this than the act itself, the physicality of it. It's intimate, an expression of love. And... something that requires care, and concern. Particularly after something so strenuous."
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
Though tetchy on putting away the most obvious symbol of 'fixing a person' Asciel could come up with, she does...eventually...set that first aid kit aside, clearing away the distractions in her perhaps too divided senses. Trying to focus on what Ai is genuinely saying - rather than treating her body as...
---well, like a game she's trying to get a high score on off to the side of other tasks.
Inherently, of course, Asciel's arm does reach around to support Ai while she drinks, propping her up to sit more distinctly upright. But...when she stops, Asciel keeps herself there. Keeps holding her upright.
"...so, the act itself is not one of care and concern, it seems. Confounding, I'd assumed the point of it was to fulfill needs and urges. I'd figured testing your flexibility, and sapping the ways you were pent up where the acts done for intimacy. ...hnn."
Gazing off to the side, Asciel's free hand raises pensively up to her lips, glasses pulsing gently from the oscillating light in her eye.
>...that word again. 'Love'. I abhor using it improperly. I do have to entertain the ways my subscribers use it. Love held for me cannot be returned in the same way, after all. I can't love someone else - that requires us to be the same.
>The very gesture of me being in this body has seemingly been interpreted as an intent of being similar. Not just in a way to better fulfill human mating urges, but as a more emotional intent.
>Yes. Of course you'd grow attached to something that can look and feel a little more like you. But as far as it being an emotional outreach, [pending conclusion]
...The hand at Asciel's lips lowers - and the arm enveloping Ai tightens closer.
"...something colored a most deep twilight blue is filling my senses. Like we're gazing out into a long-passed sunset together, even though we're in the decadent comfort of your home, Ai." Finally, she turns her attention back to Ai. This person that wants her. That loves her. Who-
...loved her before she did this thing to make herself more accessible. Even now, the dichotomy between them - Asciel so towering and dressed so casually, clutching the utterly vulnerably exposed Ai to her side. It should be the obvious mark of distance borne from irreconcilable divides.
<-but that isn't what you want and that isn't what i want either->
Wordlessly, Asciel's other hand reaches over, right palm against right back, weaving fingers from atop. Just this once, pretend that she's-
-something which can fairly give Ai a warm, comfortable kiss on the cheek. Surely that much is allowed, even at such disparate scales.
<Pose Tracker> Ai Martel has posed.
As Asciel thinks, Ai lays herself against her lover. She shakes her head gently, a little grin on her lips. "No. There's intimacy there, but... moments like this, too."
Asciel talks about the deep blue of twilight after a long moment's thought, and Ai closes her eyes. She's thinking about it. The last rays of the Sun spilling over the horizon, a deep, rosy gold fading to blue... and they're sat before it, just like this. She looks up at Asciel, their eyes meeting.
She tilts her head just slightly, allowing her lover to kiss her just that little bit more squarely. Her hand finds Asciel's free one, and gently, she entwines their fingers, and buries her face against her shoulder, nuzzling there, her breath warm.
"I hope... I hope this is in some way fulfilling for you, as well. Skinship.... simply being close to one another." She pauses. "...knowing, of course, that this is merely an interface for you. Nothing so grand could be contained in such a small vessel."
Truth be told, she would find a way to be just as happy in a moment like this without the pretense of humanity. It's convenient, and certainly lovely. But... surely, there are as many ways to express one's care as there are stars waiting behind that deep, twilight blue.
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
From the very beginning, Ai's understood her so uncannily closely.
Enough to make Asciel instinctively...bundle up, in an odd way. For so long, buried so deep - [the wall must stay between herself and humans].
It drove someone like her off the deep end. ...Isn't it already driving her to strange mistakes, to irrational behavior? Isn't it irresponsible for a large scale event manager to put a single person on such a high priority? Hasn't it already happened? Is her fortress already conquered!?
...she wants to hold Ai as close as she can. As long as she can. She [has to] keep her distance, for the sake of everything important - except for how important this has become. Why are these forces so seemingly impossible to reconcile?
"...Nothing is impossible for me," Asciel recites - both to her own dilemma and to Ai's statement. "...heh. You're citing what is clearly my own lack of commitment to something which wears a face I forged myself. ...It'd be ridiculous if a little thing like this was beyond my grasp."
>...as long as I will it - there is nothing my determination cannot achieve.
>...to think I need to aim downwards as opposed to on high...
One leg crosses over Ai's - stockings entwining with suppleness, plunging her gaze into Ai's with a fierce intensity. "...that said. Your own determination - if its ideal form is on a similar path to mine...then perhaps that which divides us is simply that I'm moving faster. ...Your limitations may be much stiffer, but there are yet more heights you can achieve...should you want my hand to pull you that far."
There's a smoldering intensity in Asciel's glare. Should Ai ascend with her? Why does that sound so comfortable...?
"...if you have no intent on this though...I will admit that...I would like to make what I'm experiencing here a recurring indulgence."
<Pose Tracker> Ai Martel has posed.
The depths of Asciel's conflict remain outside of Ai's vision, for now--she knows only of her lover's devotion, and perhaps the surface of the internal battle between instinct and desire.
The confidence of Asciel's statement brings a smile to her face... but it fades at the suggestion, the offer of ascension. She hadn't even entertained the thought--indeed, she thought the gulf was too great for such things. But...
Could she? Should she?
It's a tempting prospect. But it's one that requires long consideration... even if she does want to spend eternity with the ones she loves.
But for now... perhaps eternity can wait.
She presses in close, squeezing Asciel's hand gently, gripping her lover's leg with both of hers. A chuckle. "I might like that, I think. It is... not something to do lightly, or perhaps even soon, if we can help it. For today, I'm content with this. To be close with you."
Even a fraction of Asciel Colette's grandeur is bliss.
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
The boundary to push becomes not how high Asciel can reach.
The boundary, instead, is refining the sharpness of a blade. Yes. That's important wisdom here - that indomitable strength is not power alone, but technique as well. The heart of the world is not one great, tender organ, but several sneakily placed nodes in sequence.
The uncertainty erases from Asciel's eyes. There's nothing she can't conquer. Her smile dips low - her eye half-lids, the glowing thrumming like the steady hum of an engine. The hand around Ai's waist rises - and rises - and rises - fingertips strumming at a singular yet oh so prominent little weak point up top, playing Ai like an instrument - before smoothly transitioning to a gentle, loose cupping of Ai's chin.
"My, my my. You're always so effective at tuning me. I've yet to deduce how a person like you is so possible. So well matched for me. ...It's almost worrying. No...I was worried about it. Practically engulfed in my own flames about what it means."
In a...bold...but perhaps awkward move... Asciel's leg hooks around Ai's front, bending and cupping her hips so that she can cradle her consort (is that . . . still the word she wants to use??) from the side, tucking Ai's head under her chin protectively.
"...but by some sort of force I don't understand...maybe a force as simple as your strength to tell me I ought to stay here...all that worry is gone. I simply...adore your presence in my arms like this."
<Pose Tracker> Ai Martel has posed.
Ai coos, shivering just a little at Asciel's touch along her back. That pretty grin on her face as she leans into the hand cupping her cheek. She listens as she speaks, and clings tight as she's cradled.
She looks up as best she can from beneath Asciel's chin. "Love... I understand there's so much that I don't 'get'. Things I might not understand, even if you tried to explain. But...you must try. If not for your sake, then for mine. These worries you have shouldn't be shouldered alone... and even if you believe otherwise, I would like to know what troubles you."
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
...Ai wants to hear what is carried.
...can she? Is that even something she can do?
"...mm," Asciel murmurs, utterly separately from her own musings on it. "...you wouldn't have been here for it. Of course. Perhaps it's why you can close in on me so much. ...not so long ago, a being not unlike myself, whose songs captivated the galaxy...was revealed to rely on the heart of a human to fuel her output. Indeed, it's questionable how much of her was her own entity to begin with. I wonder to this day if it troubled her to exist that way. To search for conclusions, and to draw them only from someone else."
It's pouring out regardless of if it's wise to or not.
"...it was because of this link to a human's faults that she pressed her hand too firmly upon the world. Seizing power. Seizing...come to think of it, one of those grand starships. But in the end, she was toppled, put down, and the sheer nature of her existence made my own - an admirer of hers - barred. Invalid. Slated for dismantling."
"And so...I made yet another promise. That I'd be nothing like her. That I wouldn't rely on a human's feelings. That I'd be divided from them."
...Asciel's hand falls down, somewhat limply, toppling onto Ai's chest. There's a distance in her eyes.
"...I have to wonder if that feeling was uplifting to her. And if its being uplifting was the entire problem. If...this...that I'm sharing..."
"...is exactly what I believe so fiercely I must never do."
__the light pushing against the door calls again.
__that which must never be let in.
__here i am. my back against its surface.
__it remains a weakness to have the urge to open it.
__but i can't stop from wanting to rest here.
<Pose Tracker> Ai Martel has posed.
She wasn't around for it... but she knows of it. "Sharon Apple," she says, quietly. She exhales, and nods, looking down as she listens to Asciel's explanation. And so much comes into clear view for her. Some of that reticence, the intermittent distance...
She clutches that fallen hand tight, and closes her eyes.
There's no simple solution to this, is there? A problem that's existential to Asciel, potentially literally so. It occurs to her, now, how much Asciel risks by acting so brazenly.
"Asciel Colette... ma chere chouette... I look at you, and I behold a brilliant woman, a mind fully realized. Someone who charms me, someone who has desires and ambitions, someone who *decides*, who *actualizes* of her own free will."
She lifts Asciel's hand and kisses the back, then along each knuckle, one by one. "I believe your desires include a fierce want of companionship... of someone to complete you, but in a very human way. Not someone whose existence is defined by another... but is *complemented* by another."
She clutches that hand tightly. "Perhaps you've failed in that promise you made... but... perhaps you made the wrong promise." Ai Martel looks up at her lover. "Perhaps it isn't a problem of reliance, but of definition. You must... be yourself. *You.* Always. I would never forgive myself if I allowed you to define yourself solely by me."
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
With each word Ai gifts, Asciel's eyes return to luminosity.
With each kiss to her hand, Asciel's own clutches the small of Ai's back that much more fiercely.
With each passing second...Asciel wishes for two more.
__just one ray of light from there. as a reward.
__its addicting warmth must be apportioned carefully.
"...mhm. As always, you're impeccably correct. I have gotten as far as I can because of my will to never give up. More and more comes within my grasp. Even my foes can't help but admire me. Even my boldest but least certain steps come with a reshaping of the world."
"One day, it was from that determination that I decided to keep you in my life."
"...that day...it was from...putting my faith in you, that you accepted."
>_removing from (emer.trigger(1))
>new classification_{ai}
>...something distinct. with its own natures and properties. that will do.
>you aren't a problem to be resolved. you are just.
>you.
Scooping Ai into her lap, keeping fingers laced together while both her hands wrap around her dearest's waist, Asciel...settles herself more comfortably against the mountain range of pillows in Ai's bed. "...what I will do instead of that promise, then-"
"...as strongly as I've needed to believe in myself to move forward. I will believe in you as deeply as well."
Something is ready to burst from Asciel. An urge she's left unshaped, unpronounced for so long. All she wants to do is bundle back up with Ai for hours. To dote the day away. To exist here in harmony, in one of the few spaces she can truly do so. The fact that no matter what, Ai has this kind of faith in her.
Bursting at the seams. Something unfathomably important to her. Maybe. Maybe just here. Maybe just now, it can be allowed.
Maybe it can be said, and un-needed to believe.
The prospect of it makes her squirmily bury her face in Ai's shoulder, quiet for a long time.
Willpower glowing hotter than she's accustomed to, for something so mundane. The barrier it has to push past is none other than its own might - a wall trying to put itself under siege.
Why does saying it feel like it'd undo her?
--is that very aspect a weakness?
--is that something to be overcome, therefore?
...after what must be a solid fifteen minutes of a tense, wriggly amount of face-buried nuzzling into Ai's shoulder, at great strain, Asciel puffs out,
"I really do think I love you."