2022-12-30: This Time I'll Hold On

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<Pose Tracker> Seolla Schweizer has posed.

       The past two days of trying to rest and overturn intensifying withdrawal symptoms have been...somehow both rough, and gentle for Seolla. She can't stand how weak she feels lingering in a clinic bed all day - the agony of being aimless, when she's so used to being a weapon for an express purpose.

       ...and yet...

       Even as it's a struggle to get out of bed, there's a strange sense about her predicament...the light others are providing, that's...

       She wants to reach deeper into that horizon.

       Thankfully, today, she's finally feeling well enough to take a longer walk. Sayla advised her not to push herself - so despite heading in the direction of Rescue Squad operations at Tsutsujidai High, she isn't planning on burning her candle to the point of jumping headlong into that.

       Instead, she's beneath a freshly remade awning that serves as a rather large sheltered transit stop to get people out of the rain. Some day, the extensive network of rain-averse infrastructure may seem strange in Tsutsujidai - aren't so many covered walkways and landings a bit excessive for a colony whose weather ought to be controlled? But in that way, they'll be interesting relics of a formative history.

       ...Seolla jots that down in her steadily growing notebook - a simple but cozy pencil sketch of a few vending machines huddled under their own sort of metal umbrella... 

<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.

It's been a little while since Alouette had first encountered Seolla. She was assured that Sayla and Renais were handling the situation to the best of her ability, but since hearing about her conditioning and her mission to kill Akane Shinjo, she can't help it but to worry.

Rescue operations are on the quieter side today, although Alouette has been helping out with smaller activities throughout the day. She's currently taking respite in the anti-rain shelter, not looking like she's doing much of anything at the moment.

Instead, she's lost in thought about her work - about the Galeoria Pliers and whether they'll take them all home, and about the concert and whether it will truly reach Akane.

When Alouette sees Soella, she's a little surprised, expecting her to still be in the hospital bed, resting. She slowly, carefully approaches, so as not to appear threatening. And maintaining that distance, she takes a quick peek at the sketch. "...That's really well drawn." She comments, wary to bring up the context of their first meeting.

<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.

Sousuke Sagara has been spending much of his time at the Tsutsujidai High shelter. Being able to drive isn't a particularly rare skill, but being able to drive with the streets in THIS condition is something very few other people can do, so he has been in charge of the vehicles. The Carpenters will get around to the roads, eventually, he supposes...he'll have to find something else to do.

Not a problem for the moment. The white Tsutsujidai High School van is, by sheer chance, parked at the curb nearby. Sousuke Sagara emerges from an electronics shop nearby, a box full of Things in his arms. He could just move on, but...

He too has thought about Seolla, particularly since that near-disastrous raid the other day.

Settling the box in his grip, he approaches, getting under the rain cover. It's like a soldier would, quiet and efficient, but he's not actively hiding his presence, so the footsteps aren't subtle.

"You're awake," is his grand observation. He's in much the same as he wore before - a dark shirt, an olive green jacket, and simple slacks. No need for uniforms, right now. His eyes slide to Alouette, just for a moment. "Jindai, right? We haven't seen each other since the Deculture Festival, I think. Sagara, 2-4." He's not sure he's ever even actually seen her at school, come to think of it. 

<Pose Tracker> Seolla Schweizer has posed.

Tapping the pencil to her lips as Alouette and Sousuke arrive, Seolla slowly turns a page to one...apparently in progress - though it's clearly unfinished, by design. Names and faces festoon this one - the most detailed are that of Sayla and Renais, with notes about what they're like. What they've done. How she feels about them. It's...perhaps slightly odd.

       "...Oh-!" Seolla recoils in surprise at Alouette, a slight contracting in her pupils - her hand twitching at her side. She remembers, faintly - that last moment before she darted off. A heavy swallow goes down Seolla's throat, and she has to take a deep breath. "...A-ah...I wind up with a lot of . . . meandering time every so often, so I...try drawing things. ...Thank you, though-"

       Fidgeting with the little pencil a bit more, she does, eventually, fill one of those blank spots with Alouette's features, studying her face a little more intently. A note goes down on the bottom - 'Quick to provide praise.' ...then, at Sousuke's comment - 'Attends Jindai?' (Sousuke has his own little section, a little more clearly defined, since Seolla saw him recently...but she does correct a few details in his face.)

       "...Mm, I crashed very hard when the time finally came. Uhm...ah...Doctor Mass and Renais were...very generous and attentive...they told me to stay in bed, but- I just couldn't stand sitting around the entire time. I'll go back soon enough, though..."

<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.

Soella reacts with surprise, but not quite panic or threatened fear. That might be a good sign, Alouette thinks. So she stays nearby. "Oh? I'm not very good at drawing or most creative things." she admits. "I'm still learning, really.. for similar reasons to you, maybe." Music has been an excellent solution to the understimulation problem, that she's surprised she didn't come up with sooner.

Alouette watches as Seolla switches to sketching her - captioned "quick to praise". It's not as if it's not deserved - she just comes across many praiseworthy people! "If you need a name to attach to the face, my name is Alouette.. like the bird." It occurred to her that they never quite got to introduce themselves. "It's nice to meet you, Miss Seolla."

Soon after, Sousuke approaches, making a rather odd trio at the vending machine shelter. "Oh! Yes. Admittedly I haven't attended much because..." She could easily bore herself with college-level material? She has a position at a top-level anti-science crime organization? Her last high school experience was absolutely terrible? "I've been really quite busy. I think we were same class. I was put in second year, you see." She smiles shyly. Sousuke always had an intense vibe, but she can also tell he's a kind person at heart.

"Renais is someone I can trust, and Doctor Mass is someone she can trust, so it sounds like you were in good care." Alouette nods. "Getting some air is important too, so I'm sure they'll understand.. as long as you're careful." She avoids a harsh tone, but well, it's rather hard to safely go for a walk in a place like Tsutsujidai as it is now. 

<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.

Mission notes, Sousuke guesses immediately. If they were at Jindai and Kaname were here he'd have tackled the notebook out of her hands.

Somehow, right now, he just doesn't feel the full force of that obligation. But his eyes do stay on the sketches for a long few moments. Actually. No. Something...

Would she be so open with something she were giving to a handler...? The thought sears in his train of thought like burning rubber.

Sousuke's always a serious person. Intense, for sure. Kind...is not a compliment he'd know how to take.

It's true, though. It's sort of a problem, actually.

He nods at Alouette once. There is just the ghost of a smile on his face, a faint uptick of that intense mouth. Classmate? That would be nice. But they've hardly seen each other...He remembers there were some irregularities with her information, but Command assured him she was not to be bothered, so he didn't even go through with deploying the spy drone. "Ah, I see. I have frequent absences due to some personal obligations, myself." You could probably put a neon sign over his head saying MERCENARY, but he doesn't say it out loud.

His attention returns to Seolla. "Yes," he agrees with a nod. "Doctor Mass is a fine physician. I brought you to her because I trust her implicitly." Does he...why does he? -- thoguhts for later.

"Those sorts of medicines can have serious side effects," is his advice to Seolla. "It's good you're staying with them for a while. Even in the middle of a storm of bullets, it is the better-rested soldier who returns alive."

...that was not a metaphor even slightly. He hardly blinks, let alone smiles.

<Pose Tracker> Seolla Schweizer has posed.

       "Alouette..." Seolla says it...a few more times under her breath, writing it down clearly. She seems to be latching onto a lot of details: Sousuke's entry immediately gets a note of 'Extremely helpful at tactical advice. Saying things that only make sense if he's extremely experienced. Steely eyes. Working on the occasional smile.'

       "...I doubt I'm going to be able to remember it no matter how many times I say it, but it's a very good name. Maybe if I write it down a lot...but I doubt I'd be able to keep this book..." Something plaintive, yet slightly anxious about Seolla's fidgeting, her pencil paused in place.

       "...So you both consider Doctor Mass trustworthy...how long have you known her? I can tell she's...a very diligent worker, but I'm still not sure what to think. I didn't get to talk to her much though...it was mostly Renais who stuck with me to make sure I was rested and had plenty of food and water."

       Seolla's about to dismiss the worry of side effects - until she drops her pencil very suddenly, and sputters a few frustrated little complaints as she picks it up, tightening her very fluffy jacket's framing of her face. "...I'm not planning on dying. No matter what. With a safe base of operations I'll be more than able to rest as much as needed and prepare-" Prepare for what? Prepare how? Seolla doesn't even know at this point - only that her head is spinning with countless preconditions she doesn't need to do... 

<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.

Seolla explains that it's unlikely that she'll ever remember the name 'Alouette' even if it's a very nice one. It.. provides a lot of context to just how deep her conditioning goes, and why she spends such care drawing her surroundings and the faces of people. It's a little sad, honestly. "I won't take it personal. It's nice enough that you try your best through drawing, right?" Alouette tugs at one of her curls.

S-Spy drone...? Sousuke explains that he's had plenty of personal absences himself. "Seems par for the course at Jindai, don't you think?" It's as if there's a sizeable amount of students with a rather dangerous secret side job. Well, not that Alouette's, wearing a 3G Blue uniform, is a secret right now.

Interestingly, Sousuke has experience with Doctor Mass himself, which raises even more implications. "You're with.. the Yumi Foundation?" Alouette asides. Somehow, she supposes that's not it, but she promised Sayla to keep her secret.

"It's Renais I've known longer, since I was small - although we only recently got to reunite. I'm not surprised she did that for you. She's kind, and honestly, I look up to her a lot." Alouette smiles wistfully. "I don't know Doctor Mass so well, but I trust her too. She's very good at taking care of others, but maybe not so much herself..."

Seolla's determined not to die, but she also remains determined for her mission. She needs to prepare...

"for your recovery." Alouette finishes Seolla's sentence. "That's all you need to worry about for now, resting and getting better." Seemingly to Alouette, Seolla feels the same as she can't even decide what it is she needs to prepare for. 

<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.

Sousuke's a child soldier, but not one that's been twisted inside out like this, so the notion of tampering with memories doesn't occur to him as readily. It's not obvious to him why you'd do it. A soldier's value lies in their experiences. Majhid taught him this when the wily warlord beat crap out of him.

Still.

He addresses one of Seolla's concerns directly: "If you worry it would be confiscated, I might be of assistance. I have some amount of experience with transportation." He hups up the box in his hands, indicatively. It makes it sound like he's talking about moving boxes of fruit around, but the way he looks at Seolla...it's not a joke. Not even a smile. This is a completely serious offer.

He doesn't break to add to Alouette, "It does appear so. Their absence policy is quite generous." Mithril is partly responsible for that. "It's ideal for students with unusual personal obligations. Quite common, in the Universal Century."

Sounds just a little bit prebaked, maybe. He does turn his attention to Alouette when she asks that though. He briefly thinks about the Shuffle card in his jacket pocket, engraved with an Uruz rune, but....not at that slight a reference. He does say, "Not as such. But we've worked together before."

Technically, even true without the Shuffle Alliance, thanks to her hiring him to run security for an event once.

"We've been acquainted for a number of months, now. Since a fundraiser near the start of the year. Diligent is correct. She is a very wise person." His face hardens a little. "A hard-won trait," he says, a little distantly.

Attention more properly back to Seolla as she drops that pencil. His eyes track the movement. "Nobody does," Sousuke replies to her having no plans to die. "It's why one must prepare their body well. Health and a clear mind are the most important assets you can have."

...he deosn't quite push that into the drugs topic. This time. But the serious, earnest look he's giving her might put the thought into the air anyway. 

<Pose Tracker> Seolla Schweizer has posed.

       "Assistance...?" Seolla still struggles with that whole idea, even after all this. That Sousuke would just...take time to do something like that. "I...it'd feel weird to push a favor like that on you. Really, what in the world is going on with this place? Every second I'm in Tsutsujidai, it's like...everyone's looking to do something like that." She seems more perturbed by that aspect than of the prospect of losing what she's remembered here...like she's accustomed to it, by this point. ...and yet, she's drawing in such detail-

       Something drops a little in Seolla, and she takes a cautious step backwards. "...there's something that'll be needed in exchange, won't it? I-I can't pay people back for all this. There's nothing I could los - nothing I could give. That other shoe's going to drop, isn't it-?" Her heart races faster - but where her long-adapted chemistry searches for <something that'd push her through, at any cost>, it finds in its stead what Sayla's provided: <something that will make it easier to do without>, and the clash makes her dizzy, nauseous. Her retreat turns into a full on stumbling into the vending machine, complete with a rattling of the frame - and a loosening of a black coffee can from its position.

       "N-nothing's wrong. I promise! I feel...okay. I just. ...I'm going to go back shortly after this. I promise!!" Panic in her voice - fear of getting caught doing something she shouldn't, just by being out here, a little bit. It doesn't take assistance for her to stand back up on her feet - she'd refuse it anyway... "...I don't know...how long I could keep it up. Getting back on my regimen is...really important..."

<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.

"Right. I do most of my schoolwork remotely, but I'm only still enrolled for the social aspect, really." She nods, in regards to the generous absence policy. "Ahaaa, but even then, I spent most of DecuFes with an injury, until the very end, at least." She brushes that off as if it's any minor occurrence, not expecting someone of Sousuke's demeanour to raise an eyebrow.

Not with the Yumi Foundation.. he did seem more military than charity in nature after all. She doesn't press Sousuke any further, simply nodding as he confirms Sayla is a diligent worker and a wise person.

Ah, there's a familiar idea coming from Seolla. The confusion that people can just.. do things without expecting anything in return. "Listen.. if you're not capable of paying us back, we don't expect you to." Alouette assures Soella calmly. "Kindness without returns is probably just about the only reason things haven't descended into chaos already."

Soella begins to panic, and Alouette doesn't chase after her - again, avoiding the appearance of a threat. She says nothing is wrong, but... "If you don't want to tell me what's wrong, that's okay. But please.. let Doctor Mass or Renais know. They'll keep you safe, promise." It turns out to be about the regimen. Alouette's not sure what to say about it - not wanting to encourage such awful treatments done to her, but not wanting her to suffer so, either. 

<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.

Well, the GGG Blue uniform doesn't really leave a whole hell of a lot of questions on that front. His eyes pin to the patch of colored G's before cutting back up to her with a quiet nod. "It's dangerous work," he says, embracing an acknowledgment of the whole not-a-secret and her injury in one stroke.

That seems to be all he has to say of it, especially before Seolla unfortunately makes a certain leap. He shifts his box again. She stumbles into the vending machine.

He phrases it slightly differently from Alouette.

"The exchange is social." It's a firm statement, meant to drive through Seolla's panic and fear.

"It's a common currency, in a place like this." He keeps her pinned with his eyes. "Just as you have learned much about us simply by speaking with us. To understand others is to gain something."

He doesn't soften his affect, but he doesn't pursue Seolla, either. His eyes flick her up and down, briefly making sure she doesn't have a weapon to lose her temper with.

And then he takes a shot. What does he gain by helping her? Something he can't tell her he thinks he's getting, a damaging shot against an enemy he doesn't know. Sousuke is, despite it all, not familiar with the kinds of super-soldier programs that create people like Seolla.

But for a moment he remembers Mira Kudan, nearly delirious with fear as the Hind he'd thrown aside smoldered in the snow. Body too weak to do anything but shake in his arms.

"I demand nothing. What I'm offering costs me no resources I wasn't already spending. Quite often, people simply do things for each other because they want to."

Maybe just a bit like it's a lesson he had to learn, too.

Then he does take a step away. "But, if you would like a moment, I understand. I'll be loading the car."

He steps back out into the rain. Removing himself from all possibility of being an immediate problem...but not so far that he can't return. He's not sure it'll help, but maybe. 

<Pose Tracker> Seolla Schweizer has posed.

       If even the vending machine shows Seolla a moment's mercy - the latent nature of Tsutsujidai as a place meant to coddle someone in pain? - in addition to all these previous strangers... Her eyes are staring down at the outlet of that machine, trying to avoid the gaze of those she can't quite understand, but only drinking in a symbol of their ideas.

       ...this inanimate one, at least, can be grasped. Slowly, Seolla reaches down to that canned coffee, cracking it open and taking a long, meditative sip. "...I'll make sure they know, yeah," Seolla murmurs to Alouette, clasping the can at her waist with both hands. "They warned me about nausea...I thought it'd be a little bit, I've dealt with effects like this in the past. But...I'll tell them. ...I'm counting on them more than I'd like, but..."

       Before Sousuke steps away, Seolla pipes up, "No, I don't need...you're not being any sort of issue, I just-" The sight of two people reaching out again. Why does that specific arrangement instill such an urge to flee?
       i forgot your faces so long ago [ [ but +hat final time, | pr()mised +o vve wou1d|__
       Her fists grasp tightly. And then - she reaches back. Like she failed to do last time with Alouette and Rikka. Both her and Sousuke's arms are caught in a perhaps irresponsibly tight, crushing hold for a little bit, before she eases up. Quiet for a while, but for the surrounding static of the rain.

       "...Sousuke. Alouette. ...I'm...counting on you." That's as much as Seolla can say - Alouette likely catches the 'scent' from Seolla's overly loud heart that there's so, so much more to say bursting at the seams. "...I'm going to go back and rest up, alright? We'll...keep in touch, some way. I don't have anywhere else to stay besides the clinic, after all, so you know where to find me."

       One final squeeze to both hands...then Seolla turns away. Maybe for a moment Alouette might fear she'd sprint off like before - and Seolla's pace is fast as she goes back 'home', but it's...controlled.

       Already, it can be different from before.

<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.

The injury itself is a distant memory - the more persisting aspect is the feeling of social inadequacy it imposed on her in reference to DecuFes, all but confirmed by Akane's visit. It wouldn't do to re-open those wounds, right this moment, so she simply nods, as he says it's dangerous work. "Yes. Same for you, I'm sure." It's at least good that she and Sousuke can speak and share an understanding, however small it is.

His framing of it as a social exchange is an interesting one, that Alouette hadn't quite considered, despite outlining similar to Soella. Although as someone who seems forced to even forget memories of names and faces, perhaps she can understand why understanding as a currency isn't so important to Seolla...

As she watches the girl slowly sip through the can of coffee, Alouette looks relieved when Seolla agrees to tell Sayla and Renais what's going on. "That's good. Even if it's not perfect here, it's okay to count on them for now."

It's not as if Alouette expects she was able to fully get through to Seolla this time, either. She's not a Newtype, merely possessing keen awareness - but that mental loudness continues to ring, giving a sense that Seolla has reached her limit.

Still, it's marked progress, a sign of improvement as she decides to count on her and Sousuke. "Take care, Seolla. We'll meet again!" Alouette waves, forward-facing. Alouette considered pacing after her in worry, but as Seolla's erratic steps balance on her way back to the clinic, she decides against it.

That leaves herself and Sousuke. "I'll leave you to your work, Sagara. I'm glad you were here, though.. you're pretty perceptive." She offers a smile. "As long as we're here in Tsutsujidai, our paths will probably cross a lot more often than they did at school, right? So, au revoir."

<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.

"It's not a problem," Sousuke says, automatically, of the danger of his work. It's reassurance and deflection in a phrase. But perhaps that won't be a conversation they can escape forever.

Meanwhile, Seolla's episode turns out better than he expected. The coffee slows her down enough to think. And when he's moving away, Seolla surges to catch him. He gives her a brief, surprised look. Golly she's quick.

His gaze ratchets back up to her. If the grip is fierce, he doesn't show it.

He thinks of Anti, a boy fit to bursting with an alchemical intensity Sousuke could barely understand. But it was a fire he knew, at least. He feels the same again.

"Understood," he says. As one might accept a mission.

"We will meet again," he adds, as well, as Seolla parts to skitter away.

Alouette offers her own thanks, and he slips a look to her, nodding. He's thinking, visibly. "It's not a problem. I believe I understand what she's going through, to some extent."

He watches Seolla's back for a long few seconds. The changes that happen when your mission becomes impossible, he thinks, but can't quite find the words to say.

Back to Alouette. "Yes," he says, and this time he can muster something closer to a smile, even if it's not the most enthusiastic. But he's an intense young man, after all. "We'll see each other again, I think. Farewell."

And with that, he hikes his box up and moves toward the car with renewed purpose.

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