2022-12-21: "I Guess I Can't Give Up"
- Log: "I Guess I Can't Give Up"
- Cast: Alouette Pommier, Ennil El
- Where: Junk Shop Aya, Tsutsujidai
- OOC - IC Date: 12-21-0096
- Summary: Alouette and Ennil take a chance to rest and chat. Connections are made from opposite ends of the same world. What gives someone courage?
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
A surprise visit from one Alexis Kerib had left Alouette Pommier quite shaken. The words they exchanged, and the vivid imagery of Guy and Renais both charging the cloaked seijin were both heavy in her mind.
She still couldn't let it break her resolve, and that was rewarded with the successful repair of Junk and news of Yuta Hibiki's revival.
Presently, Alouette is taking a break from her duties and she has decided to stop by her favourite cafe in Tsutsujidai. The shop isn't particularly busy, to be expected when everyone is working so hard and rations are low. But there is a face she recognizes - someone she worked with on repairing Junk.
"Oh! Bonjour, Miss Ennil!" She waves, and takes a seat at one of the tables. "Well, looks like our work paid off, didn't it? We didn't just fix Junk, it's better than ever, too."
"Besides that, I heard Yuta-kun woke up." Alouette looks deep in thought for just a moment. "It's like I figured - Junk wasn't fixed until Yuta woke up, and Yuta didn't wake up until Junk was fixed." Undoubtedly, the two are connected by far more than just using it to link consciousness with Gridman.
After that, she looks a little more directly at the red-haired woman. "By the way, how did you find your way to Tsutsujidai?" She's not trying to be rude or skeptical by asking - it's just that there's a lot more people who were trapped in Tsutsujidai than she expected.
"See, between that suit of yours and all your help, it's like the Neon Genesis students took on a fifth member." She laughs, good-naturedly.
<Pose Tracker> Ennil El has posed.
Ennil is taking this opportunity to lounge. With Vit's main job done, her friends are having a much easier time rotating their duties - and she, at least, is still basically human. She'd thrown together some green tea - at least water was still relatively accessible, even if she had to be a bit more selective with other things.
"Ah, Alouette! Bonjour. Quoi de beau?" Ennil's French is... not her strongest, and you'd never mistake her accent for native, but it's confident enough. "I'm really grateful for your help - This would've taken forever with just me and Vit, and civilian stuff isn't my strong point."
She smiles, though she matches Alouette's thoughtful expression. "Yeah... I'm glad, at least. Seeing Yuta injured was pretty heartbreaking. Good luck, maybe? Or, maybe it's because they both got hurt at the same time..." She shrugs. "Honestly, stuff like this doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I imagine you've seen a lot weirder, though."
That other question though... There's a moment of tension. There are things Alouette shouldn't know about her. And that hurts, because Alouette could tell her a lot of things she'd like to know. "I... got lost here, a while back. I was trying to get away from -- some bad memories, I guess, and Tsutsujidai was far away from it all. It's really easy to get lost in this town, huh? I guess because Akane only put thought into the things that were important to her. Anyway, I lucked out and found Aya. It seemed like everyone was having a rough night... one of those kaiju attacks... and they were really sweet to me. So I came back every so often to see how Yuta was doing!" A heavy frown. "It took me a long time to get back to Tsutsujidai when all this happened."
She takes a deep breath, thinking it through. "I wanted to be here sooner, but I was out in space when all this hit. Took me a while to steer myself back to the colony - and when I heard what happened to Yuta while I was gone, I... didn't really know what to do. I was fortunate to run into Calibur when I did. He helped settle my thoughts, and I wanted to give back some of that kindness."
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
Alouette almost instantly takes in the aroma of green tea. "Ahh.. I really miss tea," she asides. "Mrs. Takarada isn't in but I wonder if she can spare me enough leaves for two sometime soon..." A date perhaps, or something else?"
Comme ci, comme ca, although it's good to see you again," Alouette answers, with a shaky smile. "As am I for your help - good catch on spotting that graphics card!" Junk by all accounts shouldn't have been close to the hardest computer she worked on, but there was definitely a special challenge with the limited resources at their disposal.
At the mention of Yuta being stabbed, that thoughtful look grows deeper. "Yes, it was... I watched her do it. She didn't go for a lethal blow.. but it still took him an unusually long time to wake up."
As for the point that it was because they were both hurt at the same time.. "Or maybe it's their connection to Gridman," Alouette proposes. "I don't know about weirder, but I've definitely seen cases where a person and a computer are connected, at least." Or when the computer and person are one in the same...?
Alouette listens attentively to Ennil's story, and how she found about Tsutsujidai, and how she came to be stuck here as well. A few things don't quite add up, but she at least understands there's some difficult, painful memories underlaying it. So she doesn't pry.
"I see.. so you became friends with the Gridman Alliance too. As for me, I first came across Tsutsujidai to help rescue an old friend, who was.. not quite herself." She doesn't feel the need to mention Triple Zero by name here.
"During that rescue mission, I actually became acquainted with Akane Shinjo herself. I admit, I found her situation interesting at first... and then I became personally invested." Her sharp frown mirrors Ennil's own. "And that's why I was here when the city collapsed."
"It sounds like you had a difficult time of things, Miss Ennil. I'm glad the Gridman Alliance helped you out when they did, then," She smiles. "They helped me in sorting my thoughts about here as well, that's why I've allied with them."
<Pose Tracker> Ennil El has posed.
"Oh... that sounds pretty awful." Ennil actually pales a bit at the thought of being here when Yuta was stabbed. It had been hard enough keeping an eye on him at the hospital. Watching it happen --
She shakes her head, softly. That's an unfortunately persistent image... and a reminder of the other friends she'd left behind to be here. "That's true. That's what Akane was trying to do, I suppose... keep Gridman from stopping her? I'm... surprised she'd take it that far. She doesn't come across as that kind of person -- from what everyone's said about her, I mean! I know Rikka considers her an important friend." Not her most graceful save.
"Yeah, they're all great - they were so welcoming to me that first night, and they've always been helpful since. I really want to help them save Akane, if I can, but I don't know her well enough to really reach out myself in a way I think would work... so supporting them from the sidelines like this is the best I can do." She takes a moment to breathe and drink a little more tea, letting the warmth settle her.
"Not herself, huh. I have some friends who are struggling right now. I'm worried about a few of them..." She tilts her head, slowly, searching Alouette's eyes for a moment. "You're probably not the kind of person who would hate... someone just for that kind of thing, huh? Just because at one point they came from Zeon..."
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
"Akane Shinjo probably thought it was her last resort, I would assume, but-" She pauses her a moment, remembering her conversation with Alexis once again. "There's someone manipulating her. Who has been carving pieces away from her slowly but surely enough to convince her that this was the only way. To end the void of loneliness she found herself in." It was a reasonable assumption before but now... "He said that himself, actually. Alexis Kerib."
But thinking so hard about what Alexis said... it won't do her any good. She steers the conversation into a different direction. "I want to help her too. And I think the kind person that Rikka loves is still there." Because no matter how much he cuts at the layers, her "core" has not gone away. Both the love and the pain that exist in that core. "So just like you, I'll do everything I can, even if she won't let me reach out."
And then Ennil brings up her own friends who are struggling. "...Zeon, hmm?" As Ennil meets Alouette's deep-blue eyes, they turn empathetic. Zeon's history is long and nuanced, yet even now that history repeats itself to some extent with ZAFT. "My own secret? I'm a Coordinator. So, it's not the same but... no, I couldn't hate anyone for that."
<Pose Tracker> Ennil El has posed.
"Carving pieces away from her? To make the kaiju, I guess..." Ennil's look goes a little fierce. "Alexis Kerib, huh. Guys like that, taking advantage of a lonely girl - ugh. He'll get his."
But that's not a pleasant topic to linger on, so she's more than happy to be diverted by Alouette. She lets herself relax and smile a little bit, as Alouette confirms that she wants to help Akane as well, that she also still thinks Akane's survived and deserves a chance. And when Alouette confirms that she has her own reasons not to assume the worst of people, she relaxes even more, leaning back into her chair.
"Well. I'm glad to hear that. Two of my friends are having a really awful time right now, and unfortunately, my last attempt to help was a real disaster. I haven't been able to do any of the things I wanted for either Callisto or Loni, and now I'll have to wait until I can leave Tsutsujidai - assuming we ever figure that out."
She presses a hand into her hair - combed a little nicer than usual, but still pretty wild just by nature - and peers down past it towards Alouette. "Akane probably doesn't think of it this way - but I think there's a lot of kindness in Tsutsujidai. Look at all the different people who came here to help, after all."
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
Alouette calmly places her hands on the table as she thinks about Ennil's story. "Mmm.. I understand a little about trying to help someone you care about, but it never working the way you expect it to." She sympathizes, thinking about Mikoto in particular. The woman she saved before, only at the cost of her own memories, and fails to save now.
"We're already making progress on a way out, so if all goes well, I think you'll be able to see them sooner than you think." Alouette brightly smiles. "And when you do, I hope you can help them in the way you want to."
Alouette nods in agreement at Ennil's assessment about the kindness that fills Tsutsujidai. "You're right - Tsutsujidai is waking up. Everyone is doing what they can to keep the city together. It makes me happy that we aren't stuck here alone, at least." Even if it's against their creator's wishes, Alouette hopes that creator can embrace the kindness that lives in her city, her heart as well.
<Pose Tracker> Ennil El has posed.
Ennil looks down at those soft blue eyes again, a little surprised. "You're... not always what I expected, you know. I guess because you're with those Braves, I - They have a bit of a superhero vibe, you know?" She smiles, though. Especially as Alouette brightens too.
"I'm pretty impressed... I've never been quite that confident. I know a few guys like that, but I don't know how to, I dunno... just decide what I want and go after it, I guess? I get so caught up in other people's feelings, and then I get scared." A self-conscious little giggle, and another sip of her tea. "I think that's why I admire Yuta and Rikka so much. Usually, people like that come across kind of callous to me. Like doing what's right is so important, it doesn't matter what kind of mess you leave behind. But they're not like that. They're fighting to make sure someone they care about can be happy."
She leans in a little, letting her elbow support her as she puts a hand on the table as well. Reaching out just that little bit.
"Maybe I had heroes all wrong, you know?"
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
Ennil's surprised look and her notion that Alouette isn't exactly what she expected definitely provokes some thought. The idea of a "hero" just isn't approachable to Ennil...
"One of the very first things the Braves taught me is that it's more than just being the smartest, or the strongest. That courage is about never giving up on the people you care about."
She shakes her head, but not in disapproval to what Ennil is saying. "To an extent, you're right. A 'hero' who's too disinterested to care about the people they're fighting for, and too solitary to accept help from others.. they're not so brave after all, are they?" A giggle of her own. "But that's why I can say that Rikka and Yuta are some of the bravest people I've met, too." She nods.
"Well, regardless of what you think about heroes, I'm always willing to talk if you need it." Alouette extends her own gloved hand further across the table, not quite touching Ennil's own, but acknowledging the reach.
<Pose Tracker> Ennil El has posed.
"Courage..." Ennil lets the word hang for a moment, nibbling at the inside of her lip. "It's still hard for me. To not feel selfish. When I first got here, the idea of a place where nobody knew how awful things had gotten outside... It was easier to hide there than go back." Her own blue eyes are a little bit misty. "But lately I've been thinking - because other people cared about me, I'm still around. And because I'm still around... even if I can't help being sad about what happened before, it's also true that I'm the only one who can do anything to change what happens tomorrow. In my own way, I don't want to give up on the people I care about, even if they're not here anymore."
She reaches out a little further. The touch is tenative - just barely brushing those gloved fingers. It's still hard for her to impose on anyone else.
"Maybe it is a little bit selfish. Wanting to live, or thinking things could get better - it feels that way, when I look at how things keep going, what people keep doing. It's hard to watch people get hurt. Sometimes, it's crushing, and I'm... unhappy with how I've handled that." She gives a wobbly little smile. "I guess you really are a Brave, though. You make it sound so believable. I hope we can keep talking, at least for as long as this lasts. And that you'll help take care of Akane, when this is all over."
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
"Selfishness, hmm?" She pokes at that part in particular, just as Ennil pokes her own explanation of what courage means.
"I don't think it's mutually exclusive with courage, really." Her hand remains on the table. "If you're not going to give up on others, it's just as important not to give up on yourself, right?"
"A little while ago, I told someone that I cared a lot about to stop being so selfless, to think about himself for once," Alouette explains. "Imagine my surprise when he told me that it was because he was selfish that he wouldn't give up and abandon me after all," she laughs - Ikumi's uncharacteristically passionate speech remains a positive memory of the night Bujack was slain.
She feels the light touch of a hand on her glove for just a moment. The glove does not move, a silent notion that she won't withdraw what she offered.
"It really is hard to watch people hurt.. I suppose that's why we're here in Tsutusjidai in the first place." As long as this lasts..? "Yes, I hope so too. But I want you to promise me you'll still be around for 'when this is all over' as well."
<Pose Tracker> Ennil El has posed.
Ennil gives another one of those self conscious laughs. "I guess you're right. I don't mean to be such a downer - and I'm glad he didn't give up on you. You're a pretty impressive girl, Alouette."
She lets her hand rest. It's still a pretty light touch - but it's warm, and not so anxious. "It really is a relief to know there are people like you trying to help. When Yuta explained some of what happened to him, the last time I visited... He was so hurt, and I know how easy it is for that hurt to turn around and become something you turn on others. Even if that's not the kind of guy Yuta is, I worried about the other people she might have hurt. So I'm glad you still think of Tsutsujidai, and Akane, the way you do."
Alouette wants her to promise. It's... very hard for her to believe that what Alouette wants is possible. But - hadn't she asked Akane for a similar promise, a few weeks ago?
"I don't know what the future looks like. Especially once we go back - we want the same thing here, but that might not be true forever, Alouette. The rest of the world's a lot bigger, and we might not agree on what's best... But."
She smiles warmly all the same, pressing her fingers between Alouette's.
"I guess I can't give up on you, just yet. So as long as you do the same..."