2022-12-16: Making friends with monsters, and the inherent flaws therein
- Log: Making friends with monsters, and the inherent flaws therein
- Cast: Yuliana Kafim, Ennil El
- Where: Denver Colony
- Date: 2022-12-16 (OOC date: 2022-12-13)
- Summary: Yuliana and Ennil talk in the middle of Denver colony, and manage to have a pleasant conversation despite Ennil's background. But when Yuliana says the wrong thing, and Dawn breaks in Ennil's eyes, Yuliana chooses to flee instead of sticking around to help.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
The Flight Alto's toast. Those mobile suits are great for modularity -- but there's nothing Yuliana can do about the key components Puru Two destroyed. She managed to fix up Zoltan's ride, but...
This forgotten settlement is all bones. The dwellings lay abandoned, or not; in either case there is the silence, and a hundred hungry ghosts. Yuliana knows nothing of the latter. She is silence, perfect and complete.
There was a park, once.
Now there's an empty space, where an artificial pond used to be. The concrete which held it has long since dried. The grass which used to grow is barren; the ground it grew on, cracked and choked by so long without oxygen. Nothing lives, in this place. Something lived, in this place.
There is a park bench, still.
It's been -- by the count on Yuliana's instruments -- 16 hours since she was trapped in Denver. She caught a nap in her junked Alto, but unfortunately, there are an awful lot of things humans need to take care of even in crisis situations, and one of those things... is eating.
Luckily, Yuliana is a soldier; she brings supplies on missions as a matter of fact. The life support is on right now, at least -- so she takes the opportunity to pull a bar of something generic from her bag and unwrap it. Chomp.
"I always hated these things," she mutters, to herself, a shade dismal.
But food is food, and the void hungers.
<Pose Tracker> Ennil El has posed.
16 hours in Denver colony.
Ennil has begun to recognize this place for what it was. That, in itself, may not have affected her much... but somehow the civilian accomodations make it more grating.
That there was kindness for some makes the cruelty sharper. Maybe that was the point. Maybe, in the same way, the lairs beneath their feet increased their need for comfort, for normalcy. For reassurances that the world still turned for Normal People, and only monsters lived below.
Maybe they just hadn't known until it was too late. Until someone decided to do something.
She'd broken from her new allies to return to the Skoll for supplies - Dawnlight might keep you from starving, but it sure as hell didn't feed you - and then wandered back into this place. She didn't expect much from these cities - the stale designs suggested pre-fab camouflage - but you had to start somewhere.
She has found very little that qualifies as 'something', in this somewhere. But now she's found someone.
"Tell me about it. Best part of going into business - gotta buy your own, but at least you pick the flavors." Ennil smiles, that thin customer service smile again, and tilts an open bag vaguely within reach of Yuliana, rustling its contents gently. It's not terribly fancy stuff, but she throws it together herself before heading out most days. "Got a bit of chocolate in here, some pineapple. How've you been, Mrs. Kafim?"
Not Yuliana. So that's new.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Something, someone...
Yuliana's attention snaps to Ennil, when she hears her -- that familiar snap tension of evaluating threats, before she places who she is, and relaxes. She looks to her, on her approach, head inclining at the banter.
"You're sure?" She presses, looking to the bag. "We might be here a while."
She shrugs a shoulder, and adds: "I'm uninjured," in that dry sort of way which suggests she hasn't been stellar, trapped in a place like this. "... and I'm glad to see you're still whole, Ennil. After the wedding... well, I'd wondered." She's still using her first name. "Wen was concerned, too."
<Pose Tracker> Ennil El has posed.
"Oh, I won't starve." It's simple, but confident. And technically true! "Always keep a few days stashed away on a salvage op."
The smile broadens a little, at Yuliana's expressed concern. "Another advantage of my status as an independent contractor," and here she chuckles a little drily, because both of them know how terms like that are used, "Robust pilot safety systems. Machines built on a military budget always seem to find a way to let that particular line wander off the page." She gives a half-shrug of her own. "A few days in bed nursing my ribs, and a new scar -- honestly, missing the reception was more upsetting." Her head tilts, gently, those blue eyes a little wider. "Sorry to hear Wen was concerned, though. She was very sweet to me as we were finishing up! Another missed opportunity for the evening."
She sighs and sets herself on the bench at a friendly distance, still holding that bag tilted towards Yuliana as she rolls a bit of dried pineapple over her fingers. "Somehow, those Unicorns always seem to show up at the worst moments... I suppose you're inclined to agree."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"I'm glad to hear you weren't damaged too badly. Even so... I hope you'll accept my regret over such an awful thing occurring during the ceremony." And Yuliana does sound remorseful, with a little incline of her head and troubled rise of her brow. "I never intended the day to be violent. I'm grateful to you for interceding, but it ought not have happened in the first place."
She stops short of accepting any blame, regardless of what Lilith was yelling, back then.
And Yuliana does reach out, after that moment's hesitation, to take some pineapple. Munch, munch. "Not bad," she remarks, aside. "Better than CalorieMate bars, in any case." Yuliana doesn't like those things! Terrible!
"You're quite right, though... the Unicorn models are a force unto themselves." Yuliana sighs, looking out at the hollow where a pond should be. A shade wistful: "It was nice how that one interfered on my behalf, back then..." It won't happen again, of course. She made sure of that.
But it costs her nothing to sound sad about it, given the way those youth talk.
<Pose Tracker> Ennil El has posed.
"They upset me," Ennil admits, dancing carefully close to honesty. "Weapons like that..."
She looks down, past her feet. Thinking of monsters rising to meet her.
"Human hearts don't belong on the battlefield. That obsession with miracles just builds places like this colony. Anyone who survived Axis ought to know that by now."
She fishes out a bit of chocolate, and then another. The wounded expression comes naturally - Ennil doesn't have to lie to feel sad, either.
"I worry about him. The boy in the Unicorn. Jumping to your defense is fine, but still trying not to hurt anyone in the middle of a battle... He wouldn't be the first good-hearted kid to throw himself in a cockpit without thinking of the consequences."
Focusing on Banagher is easier. It keeps her heart steady, keeps it from wavering free of practiced regret. She can follow this track with Yuliana, and lead her away from --
She winces, for just a moment. Something in her gut drops. She shakes her head as it passes... and looks away from Yuliana, taking a deep breath.
"Ah, tch. I'm getting morose. Places like this upset me, too."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Human hearts don't belong on the battlefield... huh.
"No wonder I'm here," Yuliana murmurs, half to herself.
(She lies, habitually and naturally. Where the lies end and she begins is a puzzle Yuliana doesn't always care to solve.)
"The solution, then," she supposes, lightly, "is to take the Unicorn from him. Children shouldn't be soldiers," and that much she believes, as she takes a skein from her bag and takes a drink. She offers the water bottle out to Ennil, afterwards.
The look she passes to her, just the same, is searching. "This isn't your typical salvage trip, I take it?" She asks, and the question isn't unkind. "Lettu -- Wen, I mean -- mentioned what your contract work was, given I was worrying for you," she explains, a beat later, which means she at least noticed enough for it to be a topic of conversation. The word she uses first is Indonesian slang for 'first lieutenant'.
"... you'll be all right," Yuliana assures her, after a breath of a pause. "If your machine is still functional, keep an eye on the power fluctuations. Watch them for a while before you move, and you should be able to get an idea of how the power's cycling. You should be able to get out of all these blast doors if you're quick." It's all quite sound advice for escaping, really.
<Pose Tracker> Ennil El has posed.
She turns back to Yuliana. It's less disorienting, now. She accepts the water, though she takes another slow breath before actually taking any, and the drink is modest.
"I wonder if he would be able to accept that..." It's something she hasn't really considered. Banagher had called the Unicorn his protector. But, if it was also the reason he was on the battlefield at all -- wouldn't it be better that he never needed protecting? It might even mean that others don't need to protect him...
She nods a bit when Yuliana asks her question. "Oh, I figured some of what I'd find here would be useful. Secure some of the ships, bring crews out - Mostly they get hollowed out for freight. The mobile suits are easier to move, but harder to sell, if you care where they end up." And Ennil is a person who cares.
"But I did have a feeling, seeing the kind of folks who were poking around... I didn't know the extent of it, of course," And a little half-shrug to sell the idea, "But facilities like this are pretty common, and I was hoping to clean the place out before anyone else did. By now I'm willing to bet plenty of our fellow scavengers have scraped the database for whatever they wanted and run off with half-cocked ideas of how to use it. Personally, I'd be grateful to never see another psycommu again."
She nods along to Yuliana's technical advice. "Yeah, good idea. Wen did mention you're the type. Lots of time in the shop. It feels better when you did it yourself, doesn't it?"
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"It's a cruelty to leave it up to him," Yuliana points out. "If we asked every child whether they wished to stay in their perilous, familiar situations -- nine out of ten would rather perish in what they know. That's why child soldier programs are so... effective. Indoctrination at that age is reinforced by the vulnerability of youth." She puts her water bottle back, and there is some care, to the motions. Resources are important, in a situation like this. (Even so, she's sharing, with Ennil, and perhaps that's its own statement.) "... children need the guidance and support of their parents. They're reliant on their guardian's protection. Twist those ideals, and... ahh, it's too bad."
That Yuliana can talk about cruelty to Banagher with a straight face after what she did to him is praise to her acting, perhaps. She's saying true things, though, and even believes most of them.
(She never intended to keep the boy, once she got the Unicorn.)
She considers what Ennil says about her salvage operation, and asks, lightly: "Have you seen many intact suits, about?" As if it's a curiosity.
Her gaze flicks to the side, with a light frown. "Yes," she says, quietly, and she looks bothered, by the realisation. "I suppose they have..."
Her name came up, in some of those results.
She hasn't read it yet.
Surely no one else would think... to look.
Yuliana shakes her head, and looks back to Ennil, smiling. "I do like working with my hands," she shares, less troubled, to say it. "I do a lot of my work on wanzers -- but I've tinkered with most of the models, out there. Even did engineering support for the third Gundam Fight, back in the day... this was before I was on the front lines myself, of course."
<Pose Tracker> Ennil El has posed.
Yuliana talks, and Ennil listens. She spends a lot of time listening, and it's easy. Usually. This time... She grits her teeth around more of her homemade trail mix and feels something slide down the back of her throat. When she tilts her head away, it's not to escape vertigo like last time.
She just doesn't want to look at herself in the other woman's eyes. Thankfully, the next thing is easier.
"Mobile suits? Only the ones we came in with, so far," Which is a statement in itself -- Yuliana isn't her first meeting. "But there's a lot of colony. Worst case, strip some of the Workers, and the rest can be floated out on one of the ships. Wouldn't want to do much fighting that way, but anything that can operate weapons can play artillery in a pinch."
Yes, machines are easier. Easier to talk about. Easier to care about. When she's finished, and her work is polished to a mirror sheen... That's someone she likes looking at.
"The Gundam Fight! Well, that's something. More exciting than anything I was working on in '88, I'm sure."
(This girl was doing mechanical work in 0088?)
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"That's true," Yuliana agrees, on the Workers, and doesn't linger on other topics. She may not have any intuition to speak of, but she can see the way Ennil looks away. She is not totally bereft of kindness. "And the Gundam Fight was terribly interesting! I was otherwise occupied for the fourth, unfortunately -- I was in special operations by that point, so you can imagine I was rather busy -- but it was really something, working on Gundams. I've always found it rather romantic, you know? The idea that one person could change the world like that."
She rests an elbow on the back of the bench, gesturing with her other hand. "Workers don't have the power supply to handle a lot of artillery, yeah, but a lot of them route their power through sub-bridges -- if you hotwire the connections, you can get them to support some rather outrageous tricks," and she's much more engaged, now, all lit up like a powerboard. "Now, granted, the whole thing might catch on fire doing that, but if you're in that desperate of a situation in the first place..." Her palm fans out, all covered by the green of her normal suit.
The REA has always been pretty lax about mobile suit safety, so perhaps her relaxed attitude makes sense, in cultural context.
"So --" Yuliana starts, canting her head, "what were you working on back in '88?"
<Pose Tracker> Ennil El has posed.
"Ahaha... I guess there is some romance to it. But I wonder? It's true that Gundams have managed to change the world, but..."
Her gaze lifts, this time. "A friend of mine insists nothing will really change unless we all put in the effort. Heroes might lead the way, but if we don't follow through, it's the same petty people who build the new world, and all the same illnesses keep lingering on."
Seeing Yuliana light up is actually kind of nice. It's a wild, somewhat reckless plan, but Ennil understands. The battlefield is a place where people get hurt. You do what you have to to win. "I wouldn't wanna push it -- last thing you need is a fire in this kind of environment -- but better to have the option and not need, as it goes."
And then the question... well, it's not like she wasn't expecting this one. A special operative implies some talent for observation.
"No sense in dancing around it, I suppose. I was offered an opportunity to put my talents to use. Food, shelter, ideals worth fighting for, the usual." She gives Yuliana a wan little look. "The opportunity was on Axis. They pushed me as a pilot candidate, but I washed out. I wasn't what they wanted. But they could use me... to build machines for the girls they did take, and they did."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"That's true," Yuliana agrees, easily enough. "But personally, I'm looking for a world of equality, and I'm not afraid of a little effort."
Equality... sounds like a nice thing, to be looking for. But then, she's never been someone who wants to destroy the world. No, the word Elisa found, back then, to convince her -- it was transformation.
She has to laugh, though, when Ennil supposes how bad a fire would be. "I suppose not!" She says, brightly. "Trust me, I never intend to set myself on fire." Given she employs a melee flamethrower when she's operating without a mask for the Federation, that might be a little hard to believe.
Then again, she also built Annihilation with specific armour to defend against it.
Her cheer cools, though, when Ennil gets to just where her opportunities were, in the '80s. "Zeon, is it? I can't say I approve," she sniffs, lips a thin line, "particularly given what they'd already done, to that point. I wouldn't have taken you for that sort of person... but I suppose you didn't have a choice, hmm?"
<Pose Tracker> Ennil El has posed.
"That's... how I'd like to think of it, yes. Being there made me miserable. It would've killed me eventually, I think. I slipped away when I could."
But by then, the damage was done.
"It does bother me, that this is what I turned out to be good for. I suppose that's why I felt like I had to speak up, that day." A rueful little smile. "I hope it wasn't too upsetting! I did try to spend a year or two away from mobile suits -- away from much of anything, really -- but they were empty years. Wasted. It just meant knowing I was less than I wanted to be."
She meets those green eyes again, sniffs a bit at Yuliana's thin lips. Unlike Yuliana, she's never tried that hard to hide her scars.
"I had to keep going. But for myself. It was hard - but it was worth it. Not to feel like I belonged to them anymore. And the bar's been nice in its own right, too. I don't think I can ever give up mechanics, but... I'd like to do something more, too. I don't want to owe those people anything."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
It made her miserable, Ennil says, and Yuliana weighs whether she can forgive her for her crimes given such contrition. She considers...
And then Ennil recognises how upsetting such a revelation is, and Yuliana supposes she can find it in her heart to grant her clemency, given that.
"I see," she murmurs, expression relaxing from its thin-lipped tension, as Ennil finishes her explanation. "It's... all right, Ennil. You do seem a much finer person than Zeon puts forward, so you may well have changed, given all your efforts."
She sighs, gaze turning forward, settling vaguely on that empty pond. "You'll have to excuse me," she explains, too light and too distant, after a long beat of silence. "I've hated Zeon since I was a child. The drop on Sydney caused terrible flooding even as far out as my home... my mother and I weren't soldiers, but she had to make me hold on so I wasn't swept away. I was soaked through... it was so cold... part of me's never warmed up since." Against the back of the bench, her fingers curl, deceptively lightly, into her palm. "But I survived. Most of my friends weren't so lucky... particularly the ones who died from the conditions afterwards."
She closes her eyes, lightly, and shrugs her shoulders. "Others have worse stories," she allows, through her pain, "but I think of Zeon, and I'm still drowning." What would drive Yuliana to be so brutishly, senselessly cruel...
The cycle of revenge is ceaseless.
<Pose Tracker> Ennil El has posed.
"I understand..."
And Ennil does. She was too young to remember Sydney, but not too young to remember the hate that followed.
No; that she could never forget.
And she, too, has seen the sky burn.
For a moment, she just fans out a hand, and stares into her palm. After twelve years, the scar itself is deeply faded. More noticeable in its absence, in the way the lines on her hand don't quite complete.
"I hope that you're right. I hope that the things I do and care about now can be me. I've put my whole life into... finding new uses for broken things."
That gentle smile can't hold. She can't pretend not to have a heart. It would be easier for both of them --
"That's what we're stuck with. The ones that survived. Hell of a thing."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Mm," Yuliana hums, thoughtfully, ruefully, as Ennil talks about finding new uses for broken things. She wonders -- no, she doesn't wonder.
She's not broken. She works precisely as intended.
Every vicious inch of her.
"Hell of a thing," she echoes, instead, head tilting up to look at the wretched excuse for a sky. "Sometimes I wonder if I died back then... or when Second Impact flooded everything... or when I became someone who could fight... or any amount of times, after I became a soldier." And it's hardly out of the ordinary, feeling like a dead woman walking. The struggle, these days, is in finding a veteran who isn't traumatised.
(She speaks not a word of the emptiness' concern, integral to her feelings.)
"But... I hope you're able to rearrange the shattered pieces," she settles on, as she looks back to Ennil. She makes some effort to smile. It's even halfway convincing. "I've never been a particularly nurturing person... there's little a soldier like me can do to bring peace to unsettled souls. Really, I'm the one who..." needs that support, she trails off, and doesn't say. She's not broken, after all. Instead her free hand comes up, to curl at the front of her normal suit, pressing against something underneath it. "... oh, Elisa must be so worried for me," she says, instead -- and it illustrates just what Yuliana thinks of, when she thinks of her support.
<Pose Tracker> Ennil El has posed.
"I wonder, too." It really isn't that unusual, or uncommon. "There are so many times it could have been me, instead of someone else."
She sighs, and goes back to nibbling at her chocolate for a bit. "Maybe not. For all that, you're not such an unpleasant person. You work hard. You're responsible. I know Wen appreciates you."
Wen also worries about Yuliana, though. And what she might be capable of.
"Oh yes, the doctor... I was terrified, you know! So glad to see she wasn't badly hurt, and even happier that she kept you safe that day." She smiles, at least as genuinely as Yuliana. "I'm sure she trusts you. You've made it this far. But it is terrible, to be kept apart from the people you care about... Well, I won't leave you out to dry, if it comes to it. Nobody deserves to be stuck in a place like this."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Hmm...?" Yuliana taps her finger to the back of the bench, looking a little surprised, if anything, to hear Ennil's pleasant review. "I'm glad to hear that." It's the proper respect, in her mind, but... well, there are many who wouldn't be so kind, describing her.
(Given her actions.)
Yuliana wouldn't have been surprised to hear that Ennil was terrified of Elisa -- many people are. Her dearest wife has that sort of effect on people. But Ennil was terrified for her, and Yuliana's quite happy with that; her smile is genuine, now, speaking on her favourite topic in the world. It's a surprisingly gentle and warm expression, on the harsh lines of her face. "My Elisa is always keeping me safe... though I still insist on getting in so much trouble." There's a certain perspective, communicated there, which...
Well, Yuliana seems happy.
"Thank you," she goes on, but only once she's spoken of Elisa. "I'm glad to know I'll still be able to count on you... of course, I'll do what I can to help you, too." She wouldn't be so generous with certain other prisoners of Denver, but... they're not part of this conversation, are they?
<Pose Tracker> Ennil El has posed.
"Ehehe... I'm a little jealous. I have a habit of getting myself into trouble, without anyone watching out for me." She grins a little. "As you've unfortunately noticed. It tends to upset my... friend, the one I told you about. She cares about me. But we're moving in different directions, for the time being."
She's glad to hear that from Yuliana. She'll have to be a little careful, given her other group of friends here on Denver, but... Working together with Yuliana is also an opportunity to keep an eye on Yuliana.
Ennil does worry about what she's capable of, for all that she likes Yuliana Kafim.
And Leina is here, too.
"Keeping in touch might be difficult... neither of us is going to find what we need sitting around this park. But we can try to coordinate. Less work for each of us. The sooner you're returned to your Elisa, the better, yeah?"
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Ah... I see," Yuliana nods, and for Ennil, she is sympathetic. "That's too bad. I'd certainly offer, though in my position, I'm not likely to be in a place to look out for you too often... mm, not that I'm exactly here officially." A little damage control, slipped in effortlessly alongside something more genuine: "It's a classified operation, so I hope you won't call too much attention to it."
Why is Yuliana here, when there were no REA machines in that sortie? Never mind all that!
"You're right," she nods, and smiles, at Ennil's last question. "The sooner the better... yes. Unfortunately, comms are a bust -- I've been trying to get a frequency through for ages, but the Minovsky particles are just too thick in here. I've already cased the southern end -- there's a panel-beater with some raw materials if you need them, not much else of interest." She elects not to mention the scientific facility. "So I'm moving towards the north end. I need to find a suit to kludge together -- that miserable clone damn near killed me, back there. The Alto's toast."
Perhaps it's foolish to lay her cards on the table, but... even Yuliana has to recognise she's in a place hostile to life, surrounded by her enemies, here. If she can rely on Ennil at all... isn't it fine to trust her this much?
<Pose Tracker> Ennil El has posed.
Ennil nods. "My suit's still functional. Being cautious about making it too obvious - a large enough target as it is, and the less fortunate here might see it as an opportunity. I don't take any pleasure in shooting people who are just desperate and stupid. But -- judging by that show when we came in, colony public broadcast systems are still up." She taps her fingers against the back of the bench, steadily. "If you find something you need a couple bigger hands for, once you know what you're doing with it, that might be a way to let me know."
That miserable clone... The machine tangling with Yuliana's Alto, and the things Leina has told her lately. A Qubeley, here? Then --
Dance for me.
Ennil's heart tightens. She presses a palm to her head, suddenly splitting. The vertigo is back --
And then she's fine again, breathing steadily. The barest glimmer of pale orange dances behind her soft blues.
The Cosmic Will recognizes a threat before she does, and takes necessary action. When she opens her mouth again, her tone is coolly placid.
"Yes... Let's get you back to Elisa before anyone tries to hurt you. She'd be heartbroken if anything happened."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Sure thing," Yuliana agrees, easily enough. She might have said more, except -- Ennil grasps her head, shifts her breath, and Yuliana doesn't need to violate the sanctity of her mind to see with her eyes.
"Ennil--?" She asks, in concern, and leans forward, reaching for her... only for for own jealous green gaze to catch that glimmer of orange. Her fingers jerk back, curl inward, a sense of existential dread she can't entirely explain. Perhaps it's that she knows the meaning of green light, shining in their eyes.
Her hand falls, to the bench. She can't close the distance between them.
"You're right... it is dangerous for me here," she agrees, still a touch unsettled. "I must get back to Elisa at once... I never said I'd be gone this long." And perhaps she says more than she means to, agreeing with Ennil, but -- but it's fine, she assures herself. All will be well. "Really, I've rested overlong, I think... I'd best keep moving." She feels a little bad, making excuses, but -- whatever happened to Ennil, there -- with no explanation, Yuliana has to take care of herself.
That's what Elisa would want, after all.
<Pose Tracker> Ennil El has posed.
She's messed up. Made it too obvious. Yuliana reaches out...
And pulls back, worry settling into unease. Ennil twists her head aside. The pain on her face this time is entirely natural... it is, in fact, the most natural sensation in the world to Ennil El.
In one version of the world, she might have left this place beside Yuliana Kafim. Acted, much like Wen Yuan, to protect her and guide her away from her worst instincts. Even if it were ultimately fruitless, Ennil El wants to care about people.
Instead,
"Yeah, let's get moving. The sooner we can both leave, the better. This place... is upsetting me again."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
It's a knife in her chest. She's looking at Ennil the way those people look at her, isn't she--? But Yuliana can't breach the subject, has no succour to offer her.
She pushes her hand to the bench, instead, to lift herself up.
"I'm... sorry," she offers her, with hesitation. It's not that she's not the type to apologise; it's just that she might actually mean it. "I wish the locale were kinder. Take care, all right?"
With that, she hurries off -- further north, just as she said.