2022-12-01: Weeping TWO-BODY PROBLEM
- Cast: Sousuke Sagara, Kaname Chidori
- Where: Kaname's apartment
- Date: U.C. 0096 12 01
- Summary: Kaname and Sousuke have a pleasant dinner and then make the mistake of trying to be honest.
<Pose Tracker> Kaname Chidori has posed.
Kaname's had A Day. On top of Sousuke's usual antics, she's had to deal with a minor budget crisis for the student council, two Britannian Toybox sightings, a mountain of God knows how many 'minor' matters for the Shuffle Alliance, and to top it off, Kyouko got rejected by some dickhead at school.
One would think Sousuke Sagara's arrival at her apartment would be just one more problem atop so many others--but she's relieved and glad. Happy to have someone to talk to... and really, someone to cook for.
She vents to him while she cooks--mostly about the asshole from class E who hurt her best friend's feelings, but there are a few remarks peppered here and there about the class treasurer and grumbled questions about how stealthy Tessa's 'toybox' could possibly be.
In the end, though, the two steaks she serves up are delicious. Medium-rare, seasoned to perfection, and served with a fresh mixed salad with mild dressing.
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
It's not everyday Sousuke comes to Kaname's. It's not never, but for various reasons - propriety, dim collective memory of that time he showed up on her balcony pulling her panties off the line, the sense that showing up in her dwelling would be counter to his role as a secret protector, the fact that for some reason anytime a girl finds out he lives that way they feel compelled to clean up a little - they often seem to prefer his own apartment.
When he shows up, it's in that white button-down of his. He checks a few things walking in - a couple small traps and broadcasters for alerting him if there's danger. Just in case, he'd said, back when he told her.
But even he's here first for Kaname and the food, and he's got that smile of his he gets when everything's going well. As usual with gossip, he mostly nods his way through it, with the occasional slightly irrelevant tangent about corruption in the treasury. Or the slightly more relevant tangent about how technical and intense the technological rivalry between stealth and detection is.
And in the end...he's got a steak AND a salad in his belly. In the field, you'd never get that. Getting a proper salad in an MRE is a nice dream, at the best. He's visibly satisfied, looking up from his meal. "That was excellent, Kaname," he says, with a grateful nod. "I'm always grateful for your cooking. Any soldier knows, the camp cook is your best friend."
<Pose Tracker> Kaname Chidori has posed.
Kaname's got a smile on her face as well, seeing the way Sousuke smiles through the meal. Something Leina said resonated with her--the fact that, before now, urban settings were only battlefields for him. It sort of drove a few things home for her...
So while she always likes to see him happy, the happiness that comes from the simple pleasures of peace--of *home*--is something she hopes she can help him treasure.
"Thanks, Sousuke," she blushes, grinning. "A soldier's best friend..."
Well, this is as good a time as any to ask. She's quiet a few moments, going over it in her head, trying to figure out just what to say.
"...How long have you been a soldier, Sousuke?"
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
Sousuke's smile is becoming less and less rare. Certainly he takes much of the world with lethal seriousness, but the more time he spends at Jindai, the more time he spends with Kaname, even the more time he spends learning about Colonel Testarossa, the easier it seems to be for him to adopt a less guarded posture.
She asks him a question that might have made him panic, once. He thinks about it. "How long," he muses, and cups his chin and casts his eyes down in that way he does when he's thinking seriously.
"My earliest memories," he says - not sorrowful but merely in that way he has of murmuring when he's thinking something through, "are of being dropped off in Helmajistan with orders to hunt for the warlord Majhid. And I wasn't properly a soldier, I think, until after he bested me and took me in."
Hm. Thoughtful. The gravity these words might have on someone with a normal life escapes him, as it so often does. "That would be UC 0088, or so? So I suppose about eight years."
...which would mean he was, himself, about eight.
He nods to himself, satisfied with his memory and smiling again.
<Pose Tracker> Kaname Chidori has posed.
Kaname can't help but stare. It's difficult to believe what she's hearing, as much as she knows it's true. She knew he'd been a child soldier--he must have been, even considering how loose the modern-day definition is--but hearing him say it so casually...
It's like a punch to the gut.
"That's... awful..." she says quietly, staring into the middle distance. Saying that isn't nearly enough. But what else can she say? She can barely imagine what it's like.
She feels like she's going to puke.
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
Sousuke manages to, as he so often does, not quite catch what Kaname's displeased with, and favors her with what he thinks is a conciliatory smile. "It's not so bad," he assures her. "That was the middle of the Gryps conflict, and most of the worst battles were in space at that time. And for a teacher, Majhid was a fine one. I was able to survive well in that place thanks to the people who taught me there."
He contemplates for a moment more, and as he sometimes does, decides to just speak as he thinks. "I suppose I was with them for a year? A little more. That was where I first met Gauron, actually. He was just a mercenary brought in for AS training, at the time."
<Pose Tracker> Kaname Chidori has posed.
"That's not--" she snaps, about to yell, but she stops herself. This isn't the right kind of time for that. She takes a deep breath... in, then out.
"That's not what I mean," she says, a bit more calmly. The emotion is heavy in her voice. "An eight-year-old shouldn't have to worry about survival. Someone that age should be able to play. Learn, make friends, have-- have a home... have a family. Grow up safe and secure. you..." She grips the end of her shirt. "All you've ever known is war..."
It's hard to comprehend the sort of cruel callousness that created the boy sitting across from her... and all she wants right now is to make it stop. Tears roll down her cheeks, and she starts to sob.
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
Sousuke starts a little - she does have him trained! - but she catches herself and he calms. But she's brought him out of reminiscing about what it was like, back in those sands. Zaied and Majhid, and Gauron and Kalinin...and himself.
Citizens of a world that upsets her even to see its rim.
He considers that for a long moment, fingers folded, that shaggy hair of his hair down over his eyes. "Yes," he says, quietly, and the sound of her weeping tears at him in ways he doesn't understand. Makes him feel like action is needed, IMMEDIATELY, but what?! He feels activated the way he would under fire, but there's nothing he can DO! Would a normal man know!? His fists ball on the table, a fury building in him directed at the only one to blame.
He doesn't say anything for a long few seconds, every heartbeat a failure.
Finally, what he says is a weak: "I...apologize. I did not mean to upset you."
<Pose Tracker> Kaname Chidori has posed.
Kaname shakes her head, "No, it's... that's not..." She sniffs, wiping her eyes, continuing to speak through the tears. "It's not your fault. I thought I knew what I was in for when I asked, I just..."
"It seems normal to you because it's all you know... but..." She laugh-sobs. "There are supposed to be laws against that kind of thing, because..."
She trails off. How do you tell someone the only life they know is so *wrong*?
"... god. It's all so fucked up..."
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
Tension runs through him and he doesn't know WHY, but. He can't. He...
He feels the blood rising. Why is his body telling him he's under ATTACK? He turns to the window as if expecting an attacker, but...it's not that instinct that's going off, it's something else completely! He senses no gunman, detects no danger, just....just....
It's like the reverse of how it always is. Kaname senses something so obvious she's having trouble even articulating what's wrong, and he...he feels blind.
How do you deal with finding out that someone you care about is torn apart by the faintest truth about your life?
Kaname's hamster bumps his chair, the creature's rolly ball imparting just the slightest force to him. But it makes him stand. "Perhaps..." he finally says, and falls short of further words. His hand balls at his side, an anger with no target, and seeking to stab poison threads into the one who made him feel it, instead. This...quiet, peaceful apartment...a small, innocent pet.
This life, this world, is he not fit for it?
"...Perhaps I should go," he says quietly, and turns quickly on his heels.
<Pose Tracker> Kaname Chidori has posed.
"...Please don't," Kaname replies, quietly, sniffling. She stands, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I don't want you to go."
She's put him in a terrible spot. She can tell... definitively, she can tell that she's the one who fucked up, this time.
"I want you to stay." She tries to pull him closer, hug him tight.
She doesn't want him to go. In that moment, it's like if he goes out that door, she'll lose him. That he'll decide she can't accept him.
"Please..."
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
She stops him before he gets too far. Sousuke does stop, when touched. There's anger - and yes, it's seeping into her. This girl, who asked him for his truth and couldn't accept the barest shadow of it--he could drive himself into fury if he wanted. But...
Like anyone, what he wants is acceptance, even if he couldn't possibly name the demon basting him in pain right now. His eyes cut to the side as she pulls him close, and he lets her. Stands and simply feels her against him for several long moments.
These papered walls...this room, decorated for someone to recline and simply...do nothing. A home where one spends free time, because that's a thing you can have. So far apart from the space he's built for himself. Even after Mardukas forced him to make it presentable for the Colonel, it's clearly a military outpost first. That is, simply, the world he knows how to build.
"...I don't want to go," he says, his voice rough. But... ...
His hand comes up and the fingers curl around her hands around his chest. It's formless. A fear lurking in him that he has no way to speak.
That he's a blade that can do nothing but cut this unarmored world.
<Pose Tracker> Kaname Chidori has posed.
"I'm crying because I care about you," she mumbles into Sousuke's shoulder, holding him tight. She eventually pulls away, just enough to look him in the eye. "Not because I can't handle your past, or who you are."
She blushes, eyes askance. "The way you look when you're eating my food... It's something I want to see more. And maybe if I can make you feel safe... give you things you can think of as home--not a home base, not camp, *home*--maybe you'll feel that way more often."
She can't change Sousuke's past. But maybe she can change his future.
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
Sousuke finds himself looking in her eyes. Because she cares about him...
For just a moment he's back in Khanka, all but screaming at her to run while he gives his life to save her. And she won't. She refuses. Because she wants him to live. And if he won't she'd rather die.
Someone wanted him to live. Not as a point of general sympathy. The Colonel is like that. Leina, too, he thinks. They would say of course they want him to live, because they are good and kind. But...
Kaname wanted him to live.
His eyes lid over and his arms slip around her back, barely conscious of the action.
"I don't know that I've ever had one of those," he says, distantly. "I don't understand so many of the things you say. But...I couldn't bear seeing you like that. The thought that I'd be the one to hurt you is..."
His grip tightens, just a fraction.
<Pose Tracker> Kaname Chidori has posed.
Kaname just holds Sousuke, slowly recovering her composure.
There's a long moment's silence before she speaks. "... Sousuke? Will you stay with me tonight?"
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
He holds her. Sousuke hasn't held anyone like this before. Oh there's all sorts of attention in the world he's lived in, but...
He breathes her in, and it's like the whole world stills.
She asks him a question. He might not, quite, understand its trajectory, but maybe all he needs to know is that for a moment there it felt like the mere fact of him was too dangerous for her to hold, and now she wants him here, with her.
"I will," he says.