2022-11-28: Emilia - Honesty's Cruelty
- Log: 2022-11-28: Emilia - Honesty's Cruelty
- Cast: Emilia Eschonbach, Ranka Lee
- Where: Brazil Border, Near Tower Orbital Elevator
- OOC - IC Date: 25 November, 0096
- Summary: Emilia and Ranka find shelter after the attack on the train carrying Gundam Fighters.
<Pose Tracker> Emilia Eschonbach has posed.
A few hours ago, a KMF cockpit block crashed into the Brazilian hillside- violently. Emilia definitely caught a few scrapes and bruises in her desperation to protect Ranka. Once they'd landed, she didn't... stop to breathe. She got Ranka out, and she pulled out the provisions that had been mandated. A small pack with rations, binoculars, water, a blanket, a radio, a short burst beacon and a pistol. This was a risk, they knew it was. Emilia was way off normal trajectory, though. She pulled a tarp over the cockpit block- worst case it was a safe place to sleep.
"R-Ranka, w-we can't st-stay here. And the city is t-t-too dangerous. C-can you w-walk? Maybe there's a. S-slum or s-something. Nearby." She has to take charge. Ranka's so shaken up.
And so for the next hour, Emilia moved them cautiously and carefully, trying to keep within the radius of the cockpit Kallen had said.
---
They were stopped in the remnants of a logging camp, long abandoned for lack of trees. How long, Emmy didn't know- but a prefab building with most of a roof still stood, not worth enough to take back with them, too much effort to destroy. It'll do.
Dark clouds start to roll in. Rain, probably? Shelter's a good idea.
Sat in the former foremans office, Emmy leans against the wall, looking to Ranka. She's scared for her. She's scared what she's pulled Ranka into.
But it would have been worse if she hadn't been there.
Wordlessly, she hands Ranka the bottled water.
<Pose Tracker> Ranka Lee has posed.
The landing of the cockpit is a stunning jolt that knocks the wind out of her, but she's mostly unscathed otherwise. Which is - a miracle - given how likely death felt just a few short minutes ago, climbing out, she looks shaken but-
"I- I have to right? I think-think I can."
Her legs felt like gelatin right now, but she forces herself to follow after her, only stumbling once, but managing to catch herself before tumbling down.
Eventually the flight part of the fight or flight reaction fully kicks in, and she's able to follow at a pretty good pace.
-=-=-
Her side, just hurts... from all that time spent getting here, the stitches were a lot, but she's alive. They're alive. That's what's important. In the logging camp, she positioned herself leaning against the wall beside Emilia. Her head tilted back against the wall. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in-
-water is offered. Ranka gratefully takes it, and gulps some of it down. Then, places it on a nearby dusty old table.
And then Emilia finds Ranka's arms encircling her, as she tells her breathlessly, "Thank-Thank you, for coming for-for me."
More breathing, as she clings against her. She hasn't let herself cry since the train car, when she was huddled by herself, believing death was close - but now she does a little now.
"Thank you... suh-so much." Her face buries herself against Emilia, and she'll feel warmth from the stain of saline tears before long.
"I ruh-really thought I was going... going to die... and that noone wuh-would know it. Wuh-would ever even, find...ou-out."
<Pose Tracker> Emilia Eschonbach has posed.
When Ranka wraps her arms around her, Emmy doesn't hesitate to hug her as tight as she cans, as fiercely as she can. She doesn't want to let go of her until help arrives. "I'm s-s-s-so g-glad. I'm so g-glad I was h-here. I'm s-so glad I got your m-message. If I... If I h-hadn't saved y-you.... I c-c-could. N-never forgive myself. Never."
She rubs Ranka's back, trying to help calm her. She wants to do something else for her, to help her calm down. She's lucky Ranka didn't shut down entirely. She knows that. Ranka had told her about her episodes, her amnesia. Ranka would sing to her, but Emmy can't sing. Milly would do something dramatic, like summon her to the baths or sign her onto school council. Or something so kind and gentle. And Kallen would take proactive action to protect them. She's not any of them, she can't singm she can't do something impulsive or protective. What can she do?
She takes one arm from Ranka to reach in for the ration bars. CalorieMark... Chocolate and Fruit. She breaks the fruit bar in half. "H-Here. Y-y-you should eat s-something."
The idea that Ranka could have died. With no one knowing. No one on the train caring... Emmy's rage and fear and sadness all come together at once. She grips Ranka again, ignoring her own food for now. "I won't." Emmy finds the words fierce in her throat, even as they catch. "Th-that won't h-happen. Ever. I w-w-won't let it." Ai promised something similar to her now. Is that where she found that strength?
She's squeezing Ranka so tightly now, so fiercely. "I w-w-w-won't lose y-you."
<Pose Tracker> Ranka Lee has posed.
And it feels like she wouldn't need to, like Ranka wouldn't let go of her own, as Emilia moves to calm her.
Ranka's getting better, braver lately when it comes to witnessing scenes of violence, it'd take something extreme to get her to shut down...
... but that by no means means it's easy for her.
Emilia instead offers her chocolate and fruit, and takes a bite, even as Emilia grips her and tells her it won't happen, ever. That she won't lose her.
And Ranka's red eyes grow wide, then she just smiles, and nods into Emilia's shoulder, as a hand rubs away her tears. "... okay... I... thank you. I believe you. I do." She tells her softly, in that sotto voce, "I know you'd... protect me."
It's an interesting reversal, with Ranka so protective of Emilia ordinarily, with her usually being the one to comfort her, that the favor being returned feels like it empowers Emilia in a way to her.
She finds herself proud of her.
However... there is a comment from earlier that puzzles her and having felt the guilt she tells her...
"It wouldn't have been your fault though, if... if something did happen to me there. I wouldn't want you to feel guilty, just because you didn't make it in time."
Ranka actually smiles toothily, looking at her in admiration, "I mean, wow, I'd barely sent that message and you were right there! If you couldn't have made it, then it would have been impossible for anyone else!"
She buries the side of her face into her again, just sounding contented in heaping praise upon her rescuer, "I knew you could pilot a little from the Millympic games but I didn't realize you could like that!"
<Pose Tracker> Emilia Eschonbach has posed.
The fact that Ranka believes her- the fact that Ranka believes she can, that she will- bolsters her heart so much. She can protect someone. She came to the Black Knights because she was powerless, angry and helpless. Now... even without her weapon and armour, she was prepared to fight.
Strength that hadn't come from being a Black Knight.
'It wouldn't have been your fault though, if... if something did happen to me there.'
Emilia's veins chill. Wouldn't it?
"N-No." Emmy says, trying to be firm, but her voice is shaky. She hopes Ranka won't hate her for this. "I w-w-was the only one. Who could. G-g-get your m-message. I w-w-was already. There." The compliment on her piloting goes ignored for the moment.
She doesn't loosen her hug on Ranka. "...I. I d-don't know... what I c-can say. What it's s--afe to t-t-tell you." She feels a pit in her heart. "I don't... want t-t-to pull you into th-this. But I. D-d-don't want to l-lie to you." She takes a deep breath. She's trying to keep herself stable for Ranka.
"I'll... t-t-tell you what you want to kn-know. If. You ask." She swallows. "But I need... I n-need you to k-keep it s-secret."
"Especially from... M-M-Milly. Please."
<Pose Tracker> Ranka Lee has posed.
Ranka blinks her red eyes several times at the sudden shift in Emilia's mood, and they look right into her face, with a question of, "Emilia?"
She was already there.
The hug on her doesn't loosen, and neither does Ranka's. It's not safe to tell her about this? To pull her into this? She doesn't get it. However, she still assumes the best of her.
"Emilia look if... if you're some kind of secret agent or something, trying to stop something like that...?"
Ranka tells her quietly, but her faith in her isn't shaken at all, "Then you don't need to say anything else. And I won't say anything either to anyone. I admit - I'm really worried about you if you're doing something like that."
Her gaze tips downward, "I don't want any of my friends to be in danger like that, but - I get it. Some things are, just important to each of you. Like... for Alto, it's important to him to fly, as part of who he is. And my brother..."
Pause, as she nibbles on the edge of her lip, "... he feels he has to make up for something, that he can't tell me about. He lied to me, told me he quit but... even if I'm upset, I understand that it's important to him."
Ranka looks back up and smiles at her, eyes full of understanding, "So maybe instead of just, telling me about it - you can tell me why it's important to you. And, I think I can at least deal with it then."
<Pose Tracker> Emilia Eschonbach has posed.
Emmy blinks. Ranka really is... too sweet for how Britannia works. Emilia wants her to stay that way, so desperately. She shouldn't have had to be there. She doesn't want to worry her- and as Ranka talks about her brother, Emmy wonders if she's like him. That's why she doesn't want to lie.
And even here, even now, Ranka is looking after Emmy when Emmy's trying to look after her. "O-okay." She responds. Emilia can do that. She takes a long, deep breath.
"I... d-didn't know who my f-f-father was until... my 15th b-birthday. W-when M-Mom was still alive, e-e-everything in my life was about b-b-behaving well enough so that...I'd be allowed to s-s-see her at Ch-Christmas." Another deep breath, as she gets ready.
"After... A-after she was k-k-killed, I did e-everything I could to be a g-good girl, s-s-so that maybe G-Grandfather wouldn't hate me. I-I d-d-did everything he s-s-said. I tried as h-hard as I could. And it was n-never enough. But I k-kept trying b-because. He was the o-only f-family I had. Th-that I'd ever have. So I h-h-had to be good enough for. Him to l-love me."
She pauses. "And then I. R-r-received a b-birthday present. My locket. And I w-w-was. So angry. I'd l-lost so much b-before I e-e-even... knew I h-had it." Even now, that anger boils underneath, but it's not as hot as it once was. "I'd suffered. So m-much. When it c-c-c-could have been d-different. It f-f-felt cruel. Wh-why only t-tell me now? I w-w-wanted to. Destroy it. The F-F-Federation who k-killed my father. Z-Zeon wh-who'd abandoned my m-mother. Who had abandoned m-m-me!" She stops, and catches herself to breath. Calm down, Emmy. Calm down. Ranka can feel it. Don't hurt. Don't give away your position.
"And th-then... someone offered me. A w-w-way to f-fight back. And I t-t-took it. Not. Because I c-c-could do anything g-good. But b-because I w-w-was sick of b-being powerless. Helpless. I j-j-just wanted to. D-destroy everything G-Grandfather l-loved. E-everything he valued m-more than. His o-own family." This is something Ranka won't be able to fully process, she's sure of it. The Frontier Fleet is so much nicer than Britannia could ever be or ever have been. It's a different world.
"I. Was u-useful. Even if I d-d-didn't fit in. I c-could do s-s-s-something. It w-was the only thing I c-c-could do." This is the depth of Emilia's well of hurt and anger and sadness. The truth of it. Emilia's openness...
"...and then I met Milly and you and... everything started to change." Emmy's shaking, a little. "And I d-d-didn't. Need the anger to s-s-survive. I c-c-could do other things. And I... d-d-didn't know why I w-was fighting. But I w-w-wasn't going to abandon a-anyone. I was b-barely able to pilot, th-though."
Emmy breathes in, slowly. "But. I c-c-couldn't have s-saved you if. I w-wasn't there. I'm... g-g-gonna get in trouble f-for it but... Saving you w-w-was more important th-than. Anything else. So... I w-w-want to keep you, and Milly and Mineva and Kallen and everyone s-safe. A-and I c-can't do that for all of y-you without this. Without p-p-power." She's keeping her heart still now. "I... I don't w-want to be helpless a-again."
<Pose Tracker> Ranka Lee has posed.
BGM Change - Voices (Cello) OST - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S32WSnn-xDI
Emmy resolves not to lie to her, and with an stammered assent, begins to lay it out for her. Ranka is attentive, there are no words from her as Emilia uses so many.
So many more than she normally would. She understands implicitly how hard this is for her just by that fact alone.
Her emotions do run through the gamut though, so attuned to Emilia's, and her intent. Sadness, anger on her own, back to a certain melancholy.
Then surprise - Emilia's anger builds, and builds, and she might notice Ranka's red eyes having to close just to process the level of anger.
A deep breath as she's speaks of how she was given a way to fight back, to stop being powerless, helpless. To destroy, and destroy, and destroy.
Until it changed. And became a desire to protect, a desire not to be helpless. It's the end of the explanation, and Ranka takes one deep breath. Another. She hasn't said a single word for however many Emilia has offered.
Then while clinging to her tightly, she offers two, "Oh Emilia..."
For a while, those two words just hang in the air, despondent, concerned, as she takes a few more breaths, still clinging to her.
"... you deserved so much better than being put in this position. He beat you down, and kept doing it over and over until you felt cornered you like an animal. You feel that way on so many days, don't you? Subhuman?"
The way Ranka nibbles on her lip, it shows off her fangs, a gesture that is somehow revealing to the way someone like her Grandfather would see her.
She understands, the problem is that he sees Emilia in the same way. She'll always be Spacenoid filth in his eyes. The only difference between them to someone like him is that Emilia can hide it, and Ranka can't, "... The choice between laying there and taking it - and biting back. It's no choice at all. It's the worst kind of decision."
Small wonder that to some degree, she has to choose both, she has no choice.
More breaths, Ranka is quiet for a while, then she admits, "I don't like it. I know he's horrible - that they're horrible, but..."
Spindly appendages close around the officer from the SMS like a fist, the muzzle flash and gunsmoke mark his defiant last stand...
... his blood and viscera splatters the ground so close to her that she can smell it.
A circular portal. A blue planet. A ship of impossible size. Massive crimson razors so large that they blot out whole swaths of azure behind it enclose the ship like a fist.
An inferno consumes everything, leaving nothing.
Not even a memory.
Ranka shivers suddenly within Emilia's arms, "... I don't want anyone to die." And it becomes almost repetitious like a mantra. "Your mother didn't deserve to die. Your father didn't deserve to die. They should still be here with you." Her eyes are wide, and momentarily unseeing, "I... don't want anyone to die.
It's like she's on the brink, and then, draws herself back from it, with a sudden sharp expulsion of breath, as her eyes slowly return to Emilia, still shivering, "... I... I understand. I don't want you to feel helpless. I don't want you to go back to feeling like that. If you need this Emilia... then... I understand... but..."
She's quiet for a few moments longer, just letting herself breathe, "... I wish you didn't." It feels less judgmental of her the way she puts this, than - the position she's in.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She's still trembling, "I'm proud of you that it's become so much more than that. I'm... proud of you, but I wish you didn't need this. I wish..."
Her eyes close again, and she begins to sob quietly against her, "... I do. You deserve... buh-better..."
<Pose Tracker> Emilia Eschonbach has posed.
Emilia's heart stings. Of course she deserved better. She *knows* she deserved better.
Well, she knows it now, at least. "I... used to." She hates the word, her Grandfather and his friends would throw it around, and she could hear them down the hall.
Emmy can't see Ranka's memories, She can only feel Ranka shivering. The clouds that have been threatening rain finally release their payloads. It falls through the broken roof of the prefab. Emmy reaches into her pack again- for the blanket. It could partially cover both of them...
Ranka's pain is obvious enough, though. "I w-w-wish I could... be more like y-you." Emilia says quietly. "B-b-but... I c-can't. I w-wouldn't be able to s-s-survive Britannia that way." She doesn't want to tell Ranka what fate she thinks would have happened if she hadn't bit back. "Britannia... d-demands blood. Th-that's the... country it is.
She puts the blanket over Ranka, and moves it up to shelter her from the rain, while Emmy pulls her hood up. "I'm s-s-sorry." She says, quietly. She'd known Ranka would be disappointed. But... Emilia needs to fight. And people need to die. "I h-hope...I won't always. Need it." Her heart is so earnest, so scared of saying it. The rain starts to worsen, starting to batter the flimsy walls. "And..."
"I h-hope you... n-never ever feel l-like you need what I n-need."
<Pose Tracker> Ranka Lee has posed.
"I'm glad you don't anymore."
Ranka whispers, so quietly, glad that she was wrong in this respect. She was scared it was like that still.
A blanket pulled over her, a blood sacrifice of Britannia's children for change.
Ranka's gaze dips, as a hand of hers pulls the blanket further up over herself. And then noticing that Emilia only pulled her hood up, she looks up out of the periphery at the tops of her eyes.
"... I won't say it's okay." She tells her quietly, "Nothing about this is okay. It's just..."
The blanket is pulled to the side, and shifted around Emilia's shoulders too. Even as Ranka keeps it over her own head.
"... nothing about this is your fault either."
Her red eyes peek at her from under the blanket over the pattering wet across the blanket and across the walls, "... I think, if I ever felt like I needed what you need..."
Ranka says with a certain sad, miserable sincerity, "... I wouldn't remember it."
It's not a bad way to be broken is it? At least this way...
...she'll never want to kill anyone.