2022-11-24: A Pain I Don't Accept
- Log: 2022-11-24- A Pain I Don't Accept
- Cast: Namiko, Akane Shinjo's friend Ramo Marusa (NPC)
- Where: Tsutsujidai - Kamesan Park
- OOC - IC Date: 0096-11-24
- Summary: After Namiko slips the bonds of Celebro's control, Ramo happens upon her in the park. What can two people thrown around on the sea of uncontrollable variables do for each other?
As it turns out, a whole lot.
<Pose Tracker> Namiko has posed.
Namiko's head feels funny.
Rikka's gentle coaxing helped her put her thoughts back together, reassemble the fuzzy pieces of the girl the thing inside Hass cracked apart and buried in fog. But her head still feels funny.
Rikka can't be with her all the time and every so often even Namiko needs some time alone, but considering the situation - her house isn't really that safe, right now - she's made some excuses to her parents, and is currently...sitting on a bench by the park, with a bottled green tea dangling loosely from her fingers, eyes tilted up to the cloudy sky of Tsutsujidai, the only sky she's ever known.
Literally nobody has ever seen this look on Namiko's face.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
The class is smaller, again.
Even knowing that there are many ways in which that's for the best... it's been smaller by one too many this week for Ramo Marusa.
She's tired. She might rely on Ako under normal circumstances, but she doesn't think she's likely to be any less worried, so... maybe a walk will clear her head. Neither of her houses has ever felt that safe for her, anyway.
Still -- when she approaches the park...
"Eh? Namiko?" she asks, blinking as she notices Namiko's expression. ... does she know too? Or is this something else?
Pushing her long, brown-black hair back, she moves to take a seat next to her. For a moment, she considers her approach, and then asks:
"... Hey, want something actually, like, substantial from the vending machines? They just installed one with curry sets down the way a little bit."
<Pose Tracker> Namiko has posed.
Namiko's gaze turns aside to see Ramo approaching, and she squeezes out an obviously strained version of her usual Magnitude 10 grin, raising her free hand to wiggle her fingers. "Heeey~" she chimes, even her voice less full throttle than usual. She doesn't want to worry Ramo, but...pretty hard to feel good, right now.
But curry does activate her a bit. "Oh, heck, they finally got the new one in there? That sounds...pretty good, in fact."
She doesn't quite burst to her feet, rolling her shoulders a bit before standing in a more Normal Human manner, hand falling to her hip as the other holds her tea with a loose grip between her fingertips. "Coming with?"
Her eyes track across Ramo, pulling in the thoughts that activate. Friend - not like Hass, not like Rikka, really more of a classmate, but...friendly, right? And dependable as heck. One of the people particularly close to Akane. Yeah. This is fine.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Standing back up when Namiko stands up, Marusan agrees, "Yeah -- don't worry, I'm coming. I kinda think both of us have some stuff on our minds, so..." Maybe it'll be easier together, she thinks.
Namiko... one of Rikka's friends. She's -- probably on the periphery of all this from the other end, right? "It's sure kinda quiet in class this week, huh? Though you seemed a little out of it for most of when it suddenly got busy again."
That was... probably the wrong move, in hindsight. But -- isn't it a little better to be the sort of person who at least tries to reach out?
She decides not to ask the other question coming to mind. Her gaze lingers on something on the edge of the horizon, though -- something tall and bulky.
<Pose Tracker> Namiko has posed.
"Ahehe, that obvious, huh?" Namiko says, scratching her cheek nervously. What is she even gonna TRY to say here...?
Setting off, glugs from that tea bottle. Namiko's normally full to bursting with energy, so even having scraped together enough to plaster a smile on, she looks just...too distant.
"Some stuff's been going on with Hass," she says, distantly. Should she WARN her? ...yes. She should. How. Uhm. "It's..."
...she falls quiet, shifting her grip on the bottle to fidget with it, because it's far too horrible to even think about, let alone lie about. She changes topics. "It is quiet," she agrees. "It was crazy for a month or so there! That whole..."
Uncertainty in her voice. "Wasn't there..."
Her feet slow, pinching the bridge of her nose and crinkling her eyesbrows, intense focus. Casting through the shards. "No...there was way more people in class, weren't there? Asuka...and Alouette, right...and that new teacher, too...and then..."
Then... ...nothing. She's visibly gritting her back teeth with a tension she hasn't noticed yet.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Marusan actually hadn't noticed anything strange about Hass, though they only interacted very casually; hearing that something's been going on with her... well, Namiko would know best, but it's still a little jarring.
"... Yeah. We had like -- five more people, plus teachers...? Something like that. Then Nagisa went to the hospital, and --"
She pinches the bridge of her nose, moving to buy Namiko a mediocre plate of instant curry. "I guess -- if you need to talk about it, like..."
She lets out a sigh. Here, her first intuition is obvious. "It's -- hard, when someone close to you is struggling and you can't do anything about it, right?" ... the elephant in the room. "Akane's been out, all week, too -- and it's not for the same reason everyone else left. Or, well, it... kind of is? I shouldn't say more."
<Pose Tracker> Namiko has posed.
What's controlling Hass is VERY good at what it does. Namiko knows this too well.
"Yeah," Namiko says, quietly. "Yeah...I remember." She borrowed Asuka's notes, right? And teased Alouette about her outfit...
She pulls away from her own nose, looking over as Marusan grabs her that curry. "Hey, thanks," she says, with a somewhat weak smile. She accepts it, then nods in the direction of a small public table, probably loosely associated with a restaurant.
"Yeah," she says. "It's really hard."
She has to say it. She HAS to say it. Marusan could be the next victim she CANNOT let it sit even if it sounds INSANE--
Her eyes drift up, and finally see it, visible between the buildings. Looming, gigantic, inconceivable - a stone statue, like an immobile demon god, soaring taller than anything else in the district.
She might once have shouted about it immediately. Instead she looks like she suddenly got punched in the stomach, neck tensing, eyes bugging. is that real. she can't tell. is any of this real? is this that damn thing's next game? rikka...rikka told her. Rikka promised her. It wouldn't have--it wouldn't have faked that. It didn't care about that kind of kindness. This is real and I'm real and--
She looks down and takes a long, uneasy, shuddering breath. Ramo's still talking. Akane. Akane's her friend, too, right? Not close, but, Akane's so warm to everyone...well, she used to be. But she seemed OK the last time they spoke...
Didn't...she?
She looks up to Ramo looking just a bit stricken, and says, "Hadn't....really noticed Akane, to be honest," which is weird since Namiko's usually the person calling out absences like a NARC. "Guess I've just. Kinda been distracted."
She pulls her green tea up to her lips and gulps a few mouthfuls, hoping it will ease her nerves and/or make her feel more like reality exists.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Marusan's gaze always tracks. She sees Namiko's pain -- and then, too, sees what she's looking at. Ah, she thinks. Namiko does know. It's cruel to think that she's had to struggle through that alone.
"It's a lot," comes Marusan's answer. She knows exactly how much it is.
"Jeez, you are struggling. I haven't seen you this bad since first year English," she notes, and while it's a little bit teasing, it's also an acknowledgement of who Namiko is. "It doesn't sound like just distracted," she says, as they head over to the table.
"She kinda tries not to get noticed lately... I hate it. It's a little, like... come on, you're not that slick." There's a mirthless laugh there. Exhaustion is plain on her face again.
"... Namiko," Marusan asks suddenly -- and it's with an acute, serious expression. "Listen. We're both kind of out of our depth, but..." Breathe in. Breathe out. "... is Hass -- doing something dangerous? Or is she the one in danger?"
<Pose Tracker> Namiko has posed.
Marusan is trying so hard to help and does so even in ways she doesn't know she's doing. First year English, wow... "That was tough," she says, a thousand miles away.
She does exert herself to focus on the issue of Akane. "She seemed...I talked to her, while those transfers were still here. She seemed...I guess I didn't know her well enough to say. But I remember she said some stuff that seemed weird." She doesn't remember what, anymore, not really. Not with her head in this state. "...I hope she's OK." It's embarrassing that one of the memories shining through is Leina pinning her to the boards on being attracted to Akane, but it's helping her remember that she just cares for Akane, too. She seems like sometimes she doesn't know how to handle her own heart. She really doesn't like to be touched, though...which makes it hard for Namiko to feel satisfied with any help she tries to give.
Marusan does turn the conversation to what's going on. Asks the real, serious question. Namiko draws in a few, slow breaths.
"...it's gonna sound crazy," she says, and has none of the confidence she usually does. Like she doesn't believe her own head. "But I swear it's true. OK?"
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Marusan takes a breath. She knows how this kind of conversation goes; she's had to rattle this kind of thing around with Ako -- and even every now and then with Akane, though Akane's pretty guarded.
"There is literally no way," she says, "that you are going to say the weirdest thing I've heard this year. I'll... tell you mine, too. If it'd help." She doesn't need to give it -- but offering the openness she's receiving back makes it a little more square, even if Namiko doesn't accept it.
She considers getting curry for herself. ... that's a little heavy, she thinks -- but the machine next to it has jagariko, and she's had a bit of a craving, so she gets that instead. It's important for her to acknowledge that she has some needs here, too, after all.
<Pose Tracker> Namiko has posed.
Marusan promises to believe her. She takes a breath and nods. "That...might be nice." Even Rikka still hasn't read her in, and it was important she tell Rikka she didn't NEED her to, she wasn't DEMANDING it, but...it might...be nice. Repeating the thought.
And then she puts her hand to her chest, leaving the tea on the table and the curry in front of her for a moment.
"Some kind of alien is controlling Hass," Namiko says, and her voice is already shaking. "It has some kind of...brainwashing gun, and it's super smart too, and it...I don't know how it worked, but it..."
Her fingers go white-knuckle on the table, clinging to it for security. Physicality. "It spent the last like four weeks playing around with my head and, and, Rikka got me away but now sometimes it's hard to tell if I'm even real let alone anything else I'm looking at but, but I think I'm getting there, it's, it's fine, but, I'm--"
The words tumble out of her, a rapid-fire deluge, but she stops herself short.
"It's not fine," she says quietly. "My head feels funny all the time. But Rikka got me back together at least."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Marusan looks at Namiko. There's not the slightest hint of doubt in her expression -- but at the idea that all this was happening and she didn't even...
... no, that's not it. She's not responsible for everyone else's worlds. But Namiko's entrusted her with hers, here, now, in this moment.
Pushing back her hair for a moment, she reminds herself of what she knows. Rikka, Hass, and Namiko... they're not like Akane, Ako, and herself. They don't have those -- friendships based on comfortable distance. Even if they do keep their secrets, they're...
... before she gets fully through the thought, Marusan leans in, reaches out, and places both hands on one of Namiko's instead of starting in on the jagariko. "I'm here. Right now. You're a little ways from Kamesan Park. I'm holding your hand, and I'll hold it until you tell me to stop."
... she does owe Namiko an explanation -- but first she owes Namiko a classmate's kindness. "There's... the people I work with are -- good at this kind of thing. Do you want help? I'm not saying, 'oh, they'll go save her in a minute,' but..."
<Pose Tracker> Namiko has posed.
Namiko is a creature who FEEDS on closeness, thrives on it. She wouldn't have cultivated friends who let her hang off them the way she does if she wasn't. Secrets are one thing and even that she endures through love rather than being fully comfortable with; this, her friend somewhere far away and buried, is...
Marusan's hands take her one, and it's like she can feel the world again, the way she takes a long, deep breath. "OK," she says, and then, with more strength: "...thank you. ...please." She squeezes lightly, accepting more.
"...I do," she says, and nods, looking up. "Rikka said she'd make sure it happened. And I believe her. She's...something, is happening with her. I don't know what. But...I...."
Another, longer, shuddering breath. "I can't save her. I have to avoid it as much as possible or she'll just...just break me again. I..."
She can't make herself say the rest, but the tears streaming down her cheeks might.
"...help..."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
... Where to even begin with this. Then again -- she's only barely 17. It's not that she needs to be the one to solve it. The world was never meant to hinge on children. "... The Yumi Foundation. I'll -- text my boss. We'll start there. I don't know what resources they'll have. But I know they'll have something." She'll start with that.
Her hand remains exactly where it is. "... I've been keeping this a secret for months, but... some kind of alien is controlling Akane, too. It's not -- direct, like that. She hasn't been... it's not the kind of thing that happened to you, or sounds like it's happening to Hass. Her guardian is just... hurting her, and then she hurts everyone else because she's..." Trailing off, she admits, "I don't know. I don't know what she's thinking anymore. I thought that was a strength in our relationship, but I guess not."
A little distantly, she says, "That's -- why we had so many transfers. I don't know if she's lonely, or wanted to defend herself, or just needed people to throw all of her feelings onto now that her brother isn't living here anymore. But -- she's the 'hostile actor,' from the GUTS bulletin."
Marusan's strong -- and has always been strong, in her loneliness. ... but caring enough to cry is its own kind of strength, and a strength that Sayla, Leina, and Ako... worked very hard to give her.
So she'll cry too.
<Pose Tracker> Namiko has posed.
Namiko's in it now, her breathing irregular, deep and shuddering. She doesn't dare let go of Marusan, not now. Not while they both need that connection. She's made her plea and Marusan has told her how she'll help, and for now...for now she needs that hand. That's real. Ramo is here. They're a little ways from Kamesan Park. All this is real.
Which means...she has to treat it that way, even though it hurts.
The story about Akane, she listens to, as well as she can in her state. "Akane..." she murmurs. She closes her eyes, trying to banish the clawing despair enough to think. "She said...they'd all had a really bad time outside. I think she sympathized, or something. I..." Another breath, forcing itself on her, a long thing that wavers in her nose.
Namiko's other hand comes to clasp at the top of the pile, joining hands in full. Rikka swore they'd fix this. Rikka, with that resolve in her eyes like she'd plant her feet and make the world move instead. Yuta, with that worried determination in his face, like he'd be the one to move it.
She opens her mouth and a mix of a sob and a laugh comes out, but she fashions her face into a smile. "Then...I guess we have to save her, too, huh?"
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
... so that's it, then. Akane... can't think of any way to help people, save to sit in her own anguish with them until it becomes too much for either of them to bear.
That must be why Akane's her friend, too. ... has it hurt Akane, then, for Marusan to be doing so much better? Is seeing other people recover making it --
-- she can't think like that. Even if it were true, all it means is that she has to extend a hand backward as well as forward.
"Even if we can't," Marusan says. "I think... maybe we're not who does that. I think the only things I'm really good at are shogi, dancing, and filing paperwork," comes a slightly embarrassed admission. "But if that frees up Miss Mass to do something else -- for you, for Hass, for Akane -- like..."
Marusan laughs with her face still full of snot, her mouth still closed, and it's a gross, wet sound. "I can do a lot of paperwork," she says, without feeling ridiculous for saying it.
<Pose Tracker> Namiko has posed.
"Yeah. If hurting like this is what makes them strong, I think they can have it." Namiko sneaks out a laugh, lips curling up into that kittenish grin of hers even as the tears flow. "But...I want to be here. And have some tea and a hug ready for them when they come home."
She giggles at Marusan's admission, patting her hand. "I bet you can!" she laughs. "I can...make tea?" She giggles again, a proper smile blooming. "God, look at me, I'm not a teapot...but...I'll find something. So the people who can do the fighting can count on me. On us."