2022-11-18: Dream
- Log: 2022-11-18- Dream
- Cast: Akane Shinjo, Rikka Takarada
- Where: ??????
- OOC - IC Date: ????? (0096-11-18)
- Summary: ... is more dramatic than...
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
0095, April. It's a little after the start of the year.
Class representatives have been chosen -- the duty falls to Rikka Takarada... at least for the moment. She's been saddled with a sheaf of club-related paperwork to get to all the students on club introduction day...
... but she's not really feeling it. Her feet have brought her inexorably toward the nurse's office with a mighty need to blow off the rest of the day.
(That was how it went, right?)
There's no nurse inside, though. All that Rikka's greeted with as she enters the nurse's office is a handful of posters about LGBT issues, getting through the back half of puberty, and...
... a closed curtain around one of the beds. Maybe they're cleaning...? Or maybe someone is already here.
It might be nice to commit to skipping... especially with no one around.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Class representative... Ugh. This sucks. Why'd it have to be her? Rikka supposes that's what she gets for appearing so responsible. Or maybe everyone just decided she'd be a good pick to pawn it off on. She tried to make it work, but...
Yeah. Not really feeling it.
She finds herself at the nurse's office, and so, she carefully pulls the door open and pokes her head inside.
"Excuse me? I'm not feeling very well today..." Rikka announces. It's only half a lie - she knows full well that the ill feeling in her stomach is only a mental reaction to the weight of responsibility, but if she can ride it through toward getting excused, it's worth it. Except... no one's here? There's just a single bed with a closed curtain...
She feels a little bad about intruding if there's someone who's actually sick, but the bed that's free looks so inviting right now. Rikka closes the door to the room behind her as she takes a few more steps inside, taking another glance around...
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
"Nobody's here," comes a voice from behind the curtain.
(Tsutsujidai has never been a place that had care to spare.)
Sprawled out across the bed, one leg knee-up underneath the covers, is another girl from 1-E. In that small, shaded space, she glances up to the slit in the curtains. It almost feels like the line of her gaze is a vacuum unto itself -- a subtle pull inward, as if the two of them seeing each other was some immutable, physical law of the world.
Or maybe it's just the most obvious place to take a peek at the occupant.
Still, there's something expectant in the way she looks out. "You thinking of skipping, too? Those club introductions were taking way too long."
She gestures for Rikka to approach, holding an earbud in one hand by the cord like a flower.
(... weren't Akane's headphones...?)
Her slightly lidded eyes and playful smile raise the question of just how close an approach she's requesting.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
A voice comes from behind the curtain and Rikka lets out a small gasp, immediately looking that way. There's another girl here. Rikka finds herself drawn toward her voice, stepping closer to the slit in the curtains to get a better look.
"It's that obvious, huh...? Yeah, it just dragged on and on..." Rikka replies with a roll of her eyes. This, despite still having an armful of club-related paperwork from what she hadn't passed out yet. Akane beckons her forward and after a moment of hesitation - Rikka's eyes are drawn briefly toward Akane's earbuds but she can't pin down as to why, maybe she's just curious about what she's listening to...? - Rikka steps through the curtain, next to Akane's bed.
Standing here, just the two of them, so close with only a curtain separating them from the world...
...Rikka chases these thoughts away quickly.
"Your name's Shinjo, right?" Rikka asks.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
The tiny slices of it that seem 'off,' that seem just a tiny bit out of place... start to to settle, as the pair settle, in turn, onto the bed. "Just call me Akane," she says, bolting past all the beginning steps of intimacy and asking to be addressed yobisute.
(Bolder than she'd been. ... Where did she learn to weaponize forms of address so casually?)
"It's not like it matters what we do in high school that much," Akane notes, staring out the window distantly. "Some schools make it mandatory, but..." She trails off. It's small talk -- and not small talk she's especially interested in, save what Rikka might have to say about it.
She shifts her legs a little bit. It's a subtle motion that pulls the sheet just a little tighter against her raised leg; for a split second, it's so tight against her leg that Rikka can tell the exact spot her stockings press into her calf.
The sheet loosens again as she settles back in, rolling her shoulder blades a bit.
"What about you...?" she asks, curiosity starting to climb. "Are you thinking of joining any clubs?"
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
"Akane." Rikka repeats with a nod, as she settles in. She should have some kind of snarky comment for that, she reflects. They're just classmates, having only really caught glimpses of each other, here and there, after all... and yet, saying her name like that feels like the most natural thing of all. Akane. No, it's fine like this.
"Yeah, not really..." Rikka agrees. Schools that make it mandatory... She nods. "My old school was like that - Matsugasaki. It was a pain."
She shakes her head, and looks back at Akane consideringly.
"Where did you go to middle school?" Rikka asks, curious. She pauses for a motion, catching Akane's movement... and catching herself looking. She focuses on Akane's face, as she asks about clubs. Rikka shakes her head.
"Yeah, I'm leaning no... Now that I have a choice, I'd really rather just go home." Rikka replies with a brief shrug.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Matsugasaki...
(Akane thinks back to so many train stations on the circuitous route her family took from southwestern Japan to Tokyo. ... that's a Matsugasaki Rikka never needed to know.)
(That's...)
Akane severs the line to the past all at once -- and surely the smile on her face as she does so means she's happy to do it. "My secret," she answers. The lilt to her voice is still there. ... The enthusiasm isn't.
(So many middle schools. ... not all of them knew the same 'Akane Shinjo,' either.)
"And, yeah, hard pass," Akane agrees, bouncing up a little more from that momentary nadir. "No clubs for me either...!" Clubs are for people running from something.
In a dream, Akane doesn't have to run from anything at all.
Akane ought to slip in an invitation. She knows that; she's spent more than a month refining this down to a science.
At the very least, she ought to begin slipping a little closer. Winding those little half-bids around her. Picking away the parts of her that aren't so helpless.
... no, she tells herself -- she can have this little slice of should-have-beens a little longer. She can savor it -- let herself enjoy the responsible Rikka (who skips class), the enthusiastic Rikka (who has no interest in picking up a club), the Rikka who hasn't yet been shown the hundreds of reasons that nothing about this is fair or kind.
She curls inward very slightly, shifting her position on the construction crane.
Bujack phases through a nearby building. Akane's heart couldn't possibly reject such a creature.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
'My secret', said with that little smile...
"What the heck? And here I was thinking you took everything seriously..." Rikka replies with a small laugh. If Akane doesn't want to talk about it she won't push the subject further, though. Getting to see a different side of her is enough for her, for now.
But, Akane says that she isn't interested in joining a club either... For some reason, Rikka's pleased to hear that.
"You too, huh...?" Rikka replies consideringly. She looks at Akane for a moment before looking away, out toward the window, her fingers tapping at the side of the bed. If neither of them are going to end up having any after-school plans for the year, maybe that means it'd be a good opportunity to spend some more time with each other...?
...But, is it weird to ask that when this is just their first proper meeting outside of class...? In the end the question is left unasked, even when the expression on her face is questioning.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
"Pssh, haha. Please," Akane replies, waving it off with a little giggle of her own. She stretches out again, keeping things breezy. Her eyes track out the open window for just a moment...
"I actually just moved here pretty recently," she notes, staring up at the ceiling for a little bit. "Earlier this spring." A cherry blossom petal drifts down, down, down from the tree outside. Akane opens her mouth to say something else, but... it doesn't come out quite yet.
She weighs it, a bit. Her playful, easy tone slips back toward that measured, practiced delivery -- perhaps the reason Rikka thought of Akane as such a serious person? -- as she notes, "As a matter of fact, my house is right next door to yours. ... haven't you noticed?"
It'd be so easy. Invite her over. Tell her how happy you'd be to take care of her. Watch her slip deeper into the dream. Slip in with her.
Drown in it.
Akane trails off, instead. Her gaze tracks downward, slightly. It's... the situation isn't right. They don't know each other that well yet. It's too risky.
She could hunt up other reasons, too.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Rikka laughs again, alongside Akane. It's nice. She follows Akane's gaze outside for a moment, looking back at her when she begins to speak again.
"You did?" Rikka replies, surprised. The way she seemed to fit right in, as if she always belonged here... she never would have guessed. Akane continues, then, saying that her house is right next door!
"You're kidding! Wow, that's incredible...!" Rikka replies. Right next door... She's excited - maybe a little more than she should be, but in the moment she loses herself a little. "I mean, what a huge coincidence!"
"I think I know which one you're talking about... I heard someone moved in, but I didn't think there was anyone my age." Rikka considers.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Everything about this world is predetermined. Even the reactions. For all that Akane's reshuffled the deck, shifted the roles up, altered flow and feeling...
... this is just where it was before.
Her finger absently winds around the headphone cord -- and it, in turn, winds around the finger. With a shift of her thumb, it pulls a little tighter; the tip of her finger reddens a bit, blood flow pinching, pinching -- strangled --
Her eyes shift just a little past quarter-lidded, but not quite to half. The smile she wears is one she's worn before -- and not the one she wore last time she passed this way, either.
("If you would just kill me, that would settle everything." "That wouldn't settle anything.")
"Yeah," she says, like she knows something Rikka doesn't. "A huge coincidence."
The comment on someone Rikka's own age gets Akane thinking a bit, though. "I was a little surprised to have a junk shop so close by! When I moved here I had... a lot of stuff I wanted to throw away. I know you're supposed to do that before you move..." She concedes, a little nervous, "I don't know what I was thinking."
... that's too much. Too close. It invites Rikka to ask questions -- it invites Akane to question herself.
The train is right on time. The crossing lights blink a bright red -- a bit too angry to be floral. Their bells cut Akane out of that spot of the dream.
... it's just as well. Things weren't going the way they were supposed to.
It's been a few months, hasn't it? Time... has definitely passed, at any rate.
Only a handful of people have seen the interior of Akane's house -- and Rikka now joins that short list.
The downstairs interior is... not just bare but almost unfathomably bare. The bright light of sunset that streams in through the enormous bay of sliding patio doors (eight in all!) only makes it more obvious just how bare it is.
Rikka has a moment to try to introduce herself -- but Akane doesn't let her get too far with that. "Don't worry about it. My parents aren't around," Akane says, taking a few steps away from her. "... Actually, it's more like they're never around."
(Even here, even now, Akane feels the expectation of judgment and the faint relief that her world isn't set up that way. Admitting to a less-than-perfect home invites concern. It's a real downer.)
Akane half-jogs into that light, turning to face Rikka, standing just to the side of a rug taking up about a quarter of the room. There's a table, a chair, and a couch, in a style that isn't tall enough to be Western but takes up a little too much space to be conventionally Japanese; a lamp on an end table; a mid-sized flat panel television in a recession in the wall, beneath which sits more lamps; and a single pillow. (Why the TV behind the couch? Doesn't that make watching things near-impossible for anyone but the person on the chair?)
Seeing her silhouetted like that draws as much attention to the walls as to her. It's not uncommon for a modern Japanese house to have the exposed grey panels that line the walls of Akane's house. For someone solidly upper-middle class (... really, on the low end of 'wealthy') as Akane seems to be, the patio doors and spacious courtyard aren't actually that uncommon either.
Still -- one would expect... shelves, art, decoration. A space to entertain. A space set out for eating.
The sheer emptiness... makes it feel less like a house and more like a cavern -- a lair for a monster to pick a victim apart down to the bones, then lament how empty it has once again become.
"Alexis," Akane murmurs, looking down at the construction site below her.
"Eh?"
"If someone isn't taking care of me in the dream... she's going to worry. I think you'd make an okay butler."
"Hmmm... as you wish."
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Indeed, for Rikka, there are many questions she could ask. As to why, the whats, if there's anything she needs replaced... She never gets to ask them. Time passes, or feels like it does, and the unasked questions fade into the back of her mind like a distant memory of unwanted things.
Now, Rikka finds herself invited into Akane's house. She's understandably nervous. Being invited into Akane's house is a rare opportunity, she's aware, and she doesn't want to mess things up with her. And then there's the possibility of running into Akane's family...
"Hello, please excuse me..." Rikka says, her voice trailing off as Akane quickly cuts her off to explain that her parents aren't around - that they're never around. That's...
That's really sad, isn't it? Rikka wouldn't have guessed. Akane seems okay, but... is that alright?
"They aren't? I'm sorry..." Rikka apologizes. She follows Akane further in... and pauses, looking around. Akane looks pretty, illuminated by the light of the sunset streaming in through the patio door windows... But it's the room that draws her attention.
This room... it's set up to have the functions of a room, but it could hardly be called a space for living. There's nothing here to define it - Rikka's eyes track along the walls, looking for pictures of family, friends... anything, but the only thing meeting her eyes are blank panels.
She's been here for a while, at this point... but if her parents are never around, could it be that she just hasn't been able to get around to unloading everything by herself? Her eyes track back to Akane and the question is on the tip of her tongue, if there's anything she needs help with... but it doesn't quite come out. She's nervous - if she's wrong, asking could be a big intrusion...
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
"Aah, I said don't worry," comes the swift reply, all but cutting off that apology. Already she's starting to feel things creep in -- that loneliness, that despair, that sense of... singular insufficiency.
A God who feels unworthy of her creations... would have to be a pretty small, pathetic God.
So she shoves that God out of her mind and gets back to being Akane Shinjo.
"Besides! I do have someone taking care of me," Akane answers, hoping to indeed allay Rikka's fears and suspicions and doubts. After all -- everything needs to be just right for Akane to make her play.
Then everything can just... reset back to normal. Everyone can fade into the background of the world, like they were supposed to. Even Akane. Tsutsujidai can return to being a place without healing, without miracles, without...
(Things seem to be going just as well with Hibiki. This, too, is "defeating a Vessel of Light," one supposes.)
Hmm. "I wonder if he's here, actually." Raising her voice, she calls, "Alexiiiiiiiis!"
A few moments pass. From behind Rikka -- step, step. Step.
A figure walks into frame, taking what seem to be small, deliberate steps. There's a brief moment, as he gets closest, where it's hard to tell if he is walking -- but there's a footfall, so surely. Surely.
Even in this world where the abnormal is normal, he cuts a strange figure indeed. Flame erupts from the back of his black-masked head, sputtering and smoking in an eerie teal that matches the epaulets of his heavy cloak. A red line slices through that cloak in a V shape -- wait, does it? Somehow it seems to be the same V at every angle, ignoring the contours of the cloak. Heavy steel chains drape across his shoulders.
"Ah! Lady Shinjo," he says, his voice sonorous in both senses. "Did you call for my assistance?"
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Akane, in quick fashion, tells her again not to worry and Rikka quiets. She doesn't press the subject further, but, being asked not to worry like that... of course she's going to worry more, right? But before she can ask anything, Akane assures her that she has someone taking care of her.
"You do...? That's good..." Rikka replies, a bit hesitantly. It does make her feel a little better, but it doesn't explain this empty-seeming house... Maybe that's just the way they like it? Akane wonders if her caretaker is here, then, and calls out for an 'Alexis'.
"Alexis... a foreigner?" Rikka wonders briefly... and that's when she hears the footsteps behind her. She turns... and her eyes open wide at the massive, masked figure before her, shrouded in a black cloak with teal flames blazing forth from the back of his mask. She feels a sudden, unexplainable stab of fear - but surely she must just be surprised by his sudden appearance, imposing as his silhouette is...?
"Wh-what the-" Rikka backpedals, closer to Akane. She looks from Akane, to Alexis, then back to Akane, before leaning toward the former, a hand rising up near her own mouth as if to shield the words so he can't hear them. She... feels a little embarrassed about asking, but she can't explain things away in any other way. "Is he... an alien...? And where's that smoke coming from?"
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
"This is Alexis Kerib!" Akane says, as Rikka backpedals, moving to meet her. (It's not exactly a tremendous distance.) "He takes care of me."
'Alexis' remains still, now that he's entered the frame. Akane, meanwhile, scoots up a little closer to Rikka, half-whispering and half-giggling a reply -- one that should serve as an answer to both questions at once.
"It's cosplay!" Akane enthuses, giving the briefest gesture to Alexis and then bringing her hands up to her mouth to giggle a little more. "It'd be a big problem if all that smoke were real..."
Alexis sounds perfectly good-humored as he says, "I apologize for startling you." There's a tiny bit of a waver in his voice that he doesn't quite manage to suppress. It could just be vocalized embarrassment, of course... but in that moment he sounds terribly like Akane herself.
There's a moment, out on the construction crane, where Akane and Alexis look at each other. Their gazes meet.
"Cosplay, hm?" Alexis asks.
Akane shrugs limply. "... it's the easiest answer," comes her answer, with little mirth in it. "People go with it if you explain something weird that way. It's what I told Ako about my last outfit, too."
Alexis shifts his posture slightly. It's rare for him to look so much like a creature of the world -- a thing with bones and muscles and... substance.
His gaze turns forward. They really have become so alike, so quickly.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Cosplay...? Is it really? Something about that seems off - but the suspicion slips away before she can really grab hold of it and examine the situation. Rikka laughs along with Akane - though a little more nervous and sheepishly, with perhaps a bit of embarrassment.
"You really went all out..." Rikka compliments, and then nods back to Akane. "Yeah, you kinda got a point there..."
She turns back to Alexis as he apologizes, waving a hand dismissively.
"No, no, it's cool... I don't know what I was thinking. Sorry about that..." Rikka replies, with a quick, apologetic bow. What was she thinking...? It felt significant at the time... But maybe this is fine. "It's nice to meet you..."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Akane's silent for a moment as Rikka apologizes; Alexis gives her a pleasant, "Quite all right." Still, there's a tension in his stillness -- and in the way he stares down at Akane and Rikka.
... Akane is either used to that or doesn't think much of it. Instead, she goes to hug --
--
Scratch that. Akane almost reaches around to hug Rikka, but in the end, she settles for an... almost-hug, pressing firmly into Rikka's back. Her fingers curl just slightly into her uniform. It'd be easy for it to become a hug.
In the end, no matter how much she hones the urge down and sharpens it, she makes a mediocre wielder.
Still... "Aah... Rikka, you're the best," Akane says -- and she means it. For an instant, she looks utterly content with the dream. Her own eyes flutter happily shut. If there was a moment she could bask in forever...
"So... maybe we could watch something together!" Akane offers. It... might be nice to try something she never managed to initiate on her own, outside, here. Utsumi probably wasn't exactly a great brand ambassador...
... then again, this isn't exactly a space set up to watch something together. It turns out there's a whole lot of nothing to do here...
... and it's a little late...
A little time passes. Alexis is busy somewhere else; Akane had wondered whether he was even home earlier, so it's not strange for him to be elsewhere. She brings out a plate of senbei and a couple of sliced apples for Rikka.
Akane herself just has tomato juice.
This was a bad idea, Akane tells herself. She should have picked somewhere else -- some when else. Akane's house isn't exactly inviting, and... how many options for further invitations, further suggestions does it even offer?
... well. She's already attended to food. That would leave two other perfectly traditional options, of course, but Akane's bathroom and bedroom are...
... not exactly invitation-friendly. For that reason, Akane discards the classics.
She takes a long sip of tomato juice, trying to find words; she doesn't find any, though, so she, at least, settles into an awkward silence.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Rikka nods, as Alexis assures her it's alright. That tension... Is she imagining it? Akane doesn't seem to notice... Maybe this is normal? Before she can dwell on it further, though, she feels a sudden weight on her back as Akane clings to her. Every other thought vanishes. Her face goes pink, deepening when Akane proclaims that she's the best. She finds herself glad that Akane can't see her face from this position.
...She could stay here like this forever, too. Just the two of them. She's tempted to lean into it - lean into her - but she doesn't. Maybe she's just afraid how she might react. Fortunately, Akane provides a convenient distraction, an out so she doesn't have to decide one way or the other.
"S... Sure! That'd be great. What do you want to watch?" Rikka asks, looking behind her toward Akane.
...
...Watching something was the plan, but... it doesn't work out. This room isn't really set up for that... so in the end, Rikka finds herself seated on the couch.
"Thanks." Rikka says with a grateful nod, as Akane brings out food. It's just the two of them here now, Alexis presumably attending to something else. This should be great, her ideal situation, but an awkward silence fills the air...
Rikka takes an apple slice, munching on it to fill the silence. Her eyes track toward Akane as she sips on her juice... but, deciding that the staring might make the silence even more awkward, she quickly decides to break it.
"S-so, um... What... kind of music do you like?" Rikka asks. It's the first thing that comes to mind... music is something important to her. Is it the same for Akane, too?
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
There's a brief uptick in genuine enthusiasm as Rikka cuts through the silence -- but a little bit of nerves, too, and maybe even a little bit of guilt. Akane wasn't actually expecting to be addressed, wasn't fully expecting a new topic to come up; she's so used to these dreams being things she leads, things where she maintains careful control for a few minutes and strikes and injects the poison of her heart into another.
It serves as another stark reminder of... actually rather a lot of things. That instant pang of guilt passes quickly, though -- or at least, settles back into the grey stasis that's become part of her heart.
"I mostly just listen to pop stuff... and TV openings," Akane admits, looking down at the food. ... she's not into it, she decides. It's still... a little much. "I used to play the keyboard, but..."
She can't quite bring herself to admit she's not as good as she'd like to be -- that the joy melted out of it when she kept trying to play the OP to Tarabaman 60 and couldn't stay on-rhythm. Maybe she could, in this world, where her body is just what she wants it to be, where she's the ace of her class and universally beloved, in dream within dream within endless dream.
"... not lately," is what she settles for. "What about you?" Again, a smile, a brief uptick in how animated she feels -- or at least how animated she presents as, here in the dream.
It's a question Akane's never actually been able to bring herself to ask before. Rikka's preferences on things -- beyond those that come up in casual conversation -- have always been a little scary. What if they like different things -- or worse, what if they don't like different things? What if Rikka really is just a figment tricked into liking what Akane likes, feeling what Akane feels?
... at this point, though, it doesn't really matter. Akane's already done so many horrible things -- what's the knowledge of one more petty cruelty?
It's easy to look happy about the conversation in a context like that.
On the construction crane, Akane pulls her knees in a little closer. She really is a miserable person.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Rikka notices that brief upturn in enthusiasm. It's something she can orient on, at least, even if it's probably just gratitude for breaking the silence. Pop and TV openings... Rikka nods, at that.
"Oh, that's good. A strong OP can be the difference between deciding whether or not I'll watch something. Honestly, I'm not sure I can count how many shows I picked up just because I liked their music..." Rikka enthuses. Akane says she used to play the keyboard too, but. Rikka nods quietly. She wouldn't mind hearing Akane play something... but, she figures there's probably a reason why she stopped. "...I guess that happens sometimes."
Akane asks what she's into, then. Rikka gives that a thought... and just decides to go right into it, encouraged by (the appearance of) Akane's enthusiasm.
"I like pop too... there's so much good stuff there. Oh, and rock!" Rikka says, and then laughs a little. "...And, I don't mind dipping into some of the heavier stuff every now and then either, believe it or not."
She considers a little further.
"Though honestly, I'll take pretty much anything where the artist is really baring their heart and soul through their music - when their feelings, just, really shine through." She concludes.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
"Yeah," Akane agrees, at the idea that sometimes you just... stop doing something. When Rikka mentions that she's actually into a pretty broad swath of music, though -- that's enough to genuinely surprise her for a second.
"I've never known how to get into that kind of stuff! Like... sometimes it seems like it just kinda turns into noise?" Hearing that Rikka actually has a lot of opinions on music that Akane doesn't share and doesn't know is... well, it's something she already knew from her liking Sheryl Nome before Akane knew thing number one about her, but at the same time...
It raises the specter of a feeling in her, for just a moment. Maybe... maybe she's never given Rikka enough credit after all.
"I didn't realize you were much of a thing-watcher," Akane reflects -- though it does make some sense. That's a bit of a sidebar compared to the topic of music, though...
Feelings shining through -- that's what really drives Rikka?
"Hehehe... I mean -- yeah! That's always kind of been the bit, ever since the Zentradi War, right? If you sing with your whole heart, you can change the world." ... maybe everyone will have a better life, if she leaves Rikka behind after she retreats into endless freedom. Rikka understands that kind of whole-heartedness much better than Akane; maybe someone like her can...
Railway bells and sirens, again. Akane notices that panicked feeling crawling up her spine.
How could someone like that ever understand someone like her?
That's what she'd wanted, after all -- a friend who could understand her. Everything else had always been an accident.
Wanting that -- making sure it was set up that way -- and getting... this? Even Rikka... ultimately turned out to be someone who could never really understand her.
She looks down from the crane. ... That's a big drop.
... another place. Another time. Somewhere else, somewhen else, anything but a moment where she has to grind those lonely feelings into dust so Rikka doesn't see them --
Kamesan Park, early evening -- with the sun just starting to set.
Akane and Rikka sit alone at a park table, a large thermos full of tonjiru between them and a couple bowls. They're alone.
(Were they alone, then?)
"Mrmr... I'm busy with a lot of stuff," Akane answers Rikka, sliding a bowl toward her. "Lately it feels like nothing's going my way... though seeing you here is pretty good." There's an awkward pause, as if she ought to be doing something else -- but maybe she's just thinking about what she plans to say.
"Even if I couldn't hack it as class rep, I don't mind doing this kinda stuff," she says, staring off at nothing in particular. "I wish we'd gotten a little more time together on that trip to the mountains... things got kinda crazy. But that's just how it is lately, I guess. Things are changing a lot around here."
She smiles sweetly, and her eyes lock on Rikka's. "... Rikka won't change at all, though," she affirms. "Right?" Something feels... off, for just a second. If things are changing so quickly, shouldn't she -- shouldn't they both --
There's a reflection in the metal of the thermos --
-- no, just a fly, surely. Once it's in focus it's gone.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
"It is pretty noisy. But that's the appeal sometimes, though - sometimes you just want to make a lot of noise." Rikka replies with a nod. As for being a thing-watcher, Rikka considers that for a moment. "Not a... huge one? But sometimes - I kind of have to be in the right mood for it."
When Akane continues, though, Rikka nods, brightening up.
"Yeah! That's what I like. It's a really nice thought..." Rikka agrees. Changing the world by singing with one's whole heart... it's a wonderful thought.
...
The park. It's just the two of them - them, in the light of the setting sun with a thermos full of tonjiru. It's nice.
Is it nice?
Something feels different. ...No, this is fine.
"Oh yeah...? That sucks, I'm sorry." Rikka murmurs sympathetically. That awkward pause... was she imagining it? That's a normal thing to do though, right? She nods, then, with a small smile. If it's just the two of them... "It's nice seeing you, too. I'm always around if you ever need to just get your mind off things."
Akane laments about the trip to the mountains and Rikka nods. She looks a little sad about it, too...
"...Yeah. It was nice while it lasted, but I wish it could've lasted a bit longer, too." Rikka agrees with a nod. "And after how much went into planning it, too..."
Things are changing, but she won't. Rikka pauses for a moment. Something on the thermos... was she imagining it...? She hesitates for a moment before sending a smile up to Akane.
"...Yeah." She replies, though she sounds a bit uncertain. When she continues, though, she's a bit more sure. "...I can't promise I'll never change... but even if I do, I'll still always be just right here for you. That won't change."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Akane looks across the table at Rikka. This moment... this feels like an eternity ago. Back when she was still... no, even then, she wasn't playing the hero, not really. She was just bored out of her wits and stressed by the presence of so many new people in her space.
That... was it, right? She just -- wanted everyone to leave, so she could get... back to...
Rikka's answer catches Akane off guard. It's... something she would have loved to hear, when this was. Maybe if she'd thought to ask for it... but now, all it does is make her feel worse. More than that -- it feels like Rikka, inch by inch, is clawing herself back out of the dream. Like she's becoming 'herself' all over again, just as Akane... finds that no matter how many dreams she buries herself in, she can only ever be herself.
Chance after chance keeps slipping away from her. ... still -- if Rikka can't understand her -- if the best friend she wanted, the person she set up solely for the sake of understanding her can't -- then there's really no point in... any of this.
So she decides to keep going, naturally. If she were to stop now, what was the point of every step from then to now?
"Hehe..." Akane smiles, and a hand comes up to her lips to catch a giggle before it escapes. "Yeah. Once things go back to normal," she muses, "we'll have all the time in the world to ourselves."
Last time -- she'd posed a question. She'd asked what they'd do if they knew someone was in trouble, but that 'someone' didn't want the help -- would be upset if it was given, even.
What did Rikka say, then? That she'd always wonder what she could have done, if she didn't help?
Tacking against that... It feels a little like taking a sledgehammer to a butterfly. That's always been Akane's methodology, mind -- so why does it feel different here? Worse than it's ever felt. She's had nearly two months to get used to prying heroes' wings off -- she's done it, time and time again. Left a trail in her wake of sweat and shredded uniforms and broken things.
"It's not like either of us have anything we have to do at school!" comes Akane's enthused realization. "And we live right next door to each other, too. There's a lot we could get up to with a free schedule..."
Come on, she tells herself. Offer something. Anything.
"... I'm sure you've got a few ideas, too! I know there's a busy week coming up, but I'm pretty sure we'll be free next Monday, right?"
She knows full well that 'next Monday,' from here, was when the two of them fought so hard, in their own ways, for a lonely woman -- for a casualty of BioNet -- for a person forced to believe the world and all its miracles were an unfathomable cruelty.
It would be nice to give up fighting for that.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
"Normal... Yeah. I hope it's soon." Rikka replies with a nod, and then smiles. "I'm looking forward to it."
...She's not sure where the thought comes from, but she's not sure she even understands what normal is anymore. She pauses for a moment, but Akane gives her a good distraction as she suggests there's a lot they could get up to. Rikka latches onto it immediately, brightening at the prospect.
"Yeah, you're right! We really should make plans to hang out more, honestly..." She agrees with an enthusiastic nod. Akane suggests that they'd be free next Monday and Rikka is about to say something, her face lighting up... when she winces. In her mind's eye, she suddenly sees a face. It's... foggy, her features are indistinct, but Rikka gets the vague feeling it's someone she trusts and cares about... It's hard to get a clearer grasp on the image, which feels like it's slipping away from her the more she tries to hold onto it, but that's the feeling she gets - which doesn't fade even as the face does.
"Next Monday..." Rikka repeats hesitantly. It takes a little effort to say. "Next Monday, I feel like... there's something important I need to do. But sometime soon, for sure."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
There she goes, Akane thinks, as the cicadas punctuate Rikka's sentence with a mournful cry. The window for achieving any kind of understanding shrinks and shrinks. Akane... thinks it might be gone now, actually.
But again... a few more moments. One last taste of a happier world before it collapses in on her.
"Oh," Akane replies, as reality encroaches on the dream. "That's fine!" She gives a big smile, as if none of this hurts. She reaches for the thermos full of tonjiru, topping up Rikka's bowl without even asking.
She decides... she'll ask a different question, this time, if the spectre of things they have to do has already risen over the conversation. The one she'd asked before has had its answer proven time and time again.
"Rikka," Akane asks, expression a little serious. "If things never settle down..."
... she trails off. "Ahahahaa, never mind! Sorry, I dunno what I was thinking. I guess I'm just kinda scattered with all this stuff happening!" She's not a very bold person, at heart. Asking the kinds of questions that soothe her heart has -- never, really, been her strong suit.
"So! Let's make second year feel like it lasts forever," she enthuses.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
'That's fine'. Is it fine...? But Akane smiles and tops up her bowl, like nothing's wrong. So Rikka forces a smile of her own, nodding her thanks.
"Sorry... But like I said - sometime soon, definitely." Rikka replies, eating more tonjiru to mask the awkwardness. She pauses, though, when Akane starts to tell her something... but trails off.
"...Is everything okay?" Rikka asks... but, Akane laughs it off, saying she's kind of scattered. Rikka laughs along with her, a bit awkwardly. "Yeah... Things have been a little hectic lately..."
She should... come out and say something. Akane was clearly going to say something else before she stopped herself. Rikka cups her hands around her bowl...
"If... you change your mind..." She starts, trailing off. ...It feels like a cop-out. No, it is a cop-out. She really should just be direct about it... but ultimately, she isn't. Instead, she nods, smiling as Akane says they'll make second year feel like it lasts forever.
"...Yeah, definitely. We'll make it the best one yet." Rikka agrees. She can get behind that idea, at least.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
I didn't want 'the best,' Akane thinks to herself, staring off at nothing. I wanted forever.
She thinks for a long time about whether to stay here or move on. Rikka's asking something important -- increasingly too important to ignore, one way or another. And besides... this is a dream. Maybe she can -- just a little --
No. What is she even doing? What is she even thinking?
"Ahaha... well, yeah. If I change my mind," Akane says, staring off at nothing in particular; her expression flattening out a bit. She doesn't feel like she can even do that anymore. She's messed up so many things. There's nothing she can do but keep trying to fix all the things she keeps breaking -- that keep breaking around her. Her city is the only thing that matters and she has to fix it.
... she can at least ask a different question, though. She looks down at the thermos of tonjiru as she weighs it.
It's empty.
"This wasn't what I was going to ask, but... if I asked what it'd take for you to give up, would --"
Bells and sirens again. The endless click-clack, click-clack, click-clack of the tracks. Akane isn't ready for the answer to that question. If she knew what it would take for Rikka to give up...
... well, then she might actually have to do it.
Besides, she tells herself -- that's not a fair question, and the answer might not help her scoot the dream along very much. The whole idea of the dream probably leaves that kind of question impossible for her to answer in a way that would give her anything usable, anyway.
She hears a voice calling for her, even as she tries -- so desperately -- to retreat, to run away, to move in any direction at all except the one she knows she needs to: forward.
... She needs to get back to it. (Why? At this point, what is she even hoping to accomplish? ... Does it matter? ... Maybe she just wants one more easy conversation with Rikka.)
"I can't believe it! Summer break, finally...!"
"Yeah. Finals were awful, though... I felt like I was gonna die."
"Yeah, really..."
"Hey, Akane. Let's go somewhere this summer. We've got a lot of options, now that GUTS is up and running..."
"Waterpolis! Absolutely Waterpolis!!"
"Waterpolis... again?"
"Yeah! Waterpolis!"
"Hey, great. I've got an annual pass."
"... can I ask why?"
The conversation flows around them and through them. It doesn't matter, though. It's all setup for --
"Sooo," Akane enthuses, expression brightening. "Rikka's going to come, right?" She's asking it half for the group as a whole and half to Rikka herself, leaning forward just a bit in her bus seat.
It's... easier to make it a thing for the whole class. It spares her the nerve-wracking intimacy of asking Rikka to go somewhere with her, which counts for a lot.
(... but wasn't the point of this kaiju that to help them understand, she was supposed to offer to be ev --)
The insincerity of the offer radiates out from Akane as the sun dips low behind the bus. This isn't what she truly desires, and even if it were, it's not the way she wants it.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
A question is started, and ended before Rikka can consider an answer. So too does the scene around her fade.
Now - Rikka has taken up her usual seat on the bus. She sits quietly, staring out the window even as voices chat excitedly around her about what they plan to do with their well-earned summer break. Akane's familiar throng of friends, the crowd that gravitates toward her... She doesn't pay them any attention. She lets the conversation wash around her, like a stone jutting out of a river.
It's only when Akane says her name that Rikka's gaze turns forward - but she doesn't look back at her. The invitation... maybe, in another situation, it's something she'd want, desire. But here, like this, with that insincere offer...
...She's dissatisfied. She tries to push it down, but some of it leaks into her tone.
"...Sorry. I think I'll pass."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
If what Akane wanted was one more easy conversation with Rikka, she's going to get disappointed, it seems. She doesn't lose her stride yet -- it's fine, she tells herself. One way or another this will be fine. It'll all work out. It's worked so well up until now.
"How come?" she asks, forcing her mood to stay up even as it drops. It's... not very effective; she's just a little too forward, a little too needy, as she pushes forward in her seat. She's not quite pressing up against Rikka's seat -- but she's getting close.
"You're my friend, Rikka," she half-pleads.
In a vacuum... this might be an easy conversation, or at least something Akane could run from. Here, though -- here and now, as the bus starts to move away from the city...
... the shadow of a giant of light hangs over everything, reflected in every storefront window and skyscraper. (And, for that matter, the side exit door of the bus.)
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Rikka can tell that Akane's trying to keep her tone positive. She can tell that it isn't working, too. She can feel her getting closer - not enough to push up against the back of her seat, but close.
She forces herself not to look back at her.
"...You have a lot of other friends to go with you already." Rikka replies, keeping her tone level. ...It's hard, though. Is it jealousy? Selfishness? When was it that she started feeling like just another face in her crowd - when was it that she became dissatisfied with that? And... there's something else in there, too, she can't place.
"...Yeah, I know that. But..." Rikka starts, hesitating. Her gaze falters. She turns her attention outside, to force her to look at something, anything else.
...Outside... it feels like there's a familiar silhouette. Something flickers briefly in the back of her mind, like an old monitor struggling to come to life.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Akane slumps forward onto the seat in front of her, putting her arms down and letting her floppy sleeves hide everything. She can't do this. She can't.
(She won't. But she's been taught that there's no difference between 'can't' and 'won't.')
Akane's thoughts snap back to another time -- much earlier in her life in Tsutsujidai. Long enough ago that the conversation feels disconnected from everything else.
"I think I'm going to tell her." She's nervous, but it's the giddy kind of nervous -- the kind that she gets out by making things a little less lethal than a kaiju.
Flames flick on the monitor as they always do. "Ah, splendid. That's a very big step!" He's never the type to move, but the tone of his voice sounds like steady, even applause. "Truly, a first love is a wonderful thing -- especially at your age."
She's all smiles here, now. Kicking her feet. There's a soup on in the slow cooker downstairs. "I know! It's a little... weird, though. I mean, how do you tell someone you're a god and you want them, right?" She glances off for a moment -- but it's not enough to break her stride just yet.
"Oh, that is a good point, actually," comes the answer. "Do you think it's fair for her to know or not...?" At this stage, it's just a question. Gentle, probing.
Isn't it?
Akane's feet slow down a bit. "Hmmm." She's working through it. "Well, like... if she knows, then it's kinda... the choice is pretty coerced. Just knowing someone has that kinda power over you is scary, I get that. But if she doesn't know, like..." She trails off. "I can figure that stuff out either way. I'm kinda leaning toward telling her, though."
"I see!" It's hard to tell if the face on the monitor is nodding, or if it's just the flicker of the flames. "Should she reject you, or should it not work out between you -- do you have a plan for what comes next? That certainly gives her some special knowledge of you, and of the true nature of this place..."
Akane stops moving. She knows the implication here -- or is that just her overactive imagination? ... No, Alexis always just -- supports her, and makes sure she has the information to make a good decision, which means the rest of this is...
"... I guess I'll figure it out after," she practically drones.
Three days later, she brings soup for Ako and Marusan and doesn't explain why.
She lifts her head up a half-inch and bangs it unceremoniously on her arm.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Akane doesn't respond. Rikka lets her statement fade into silence. She sits there, quietly. She feels, hears Akane move behind her, but can't bring herself to look back at her. ...She knows what she has to do. She knows, now, but it hurts. As much as a part of her would like to stay here with her...
"This..." Rikka starts, hesitant but not uncertain. "...is a dream, right?"
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
No, no, it never worked out this way before tonight, why is it different this time, why is she different this time --
Akane breathes out -- or is it the beginnings of a cry? It's a little high pitched for that. "What's -- wrong with a dream?" she asks, weakly. The bus is empty -- it's a space for just the two of them, now. After all, why bother with the thousand other things that the dream needs to offer, when it's really just --
"Let's keep it going," she begs. "Just like this. That's --" If she knows that... if it's all really like that...
... well, she can at least get ahead of the conversation. She knows the probing questions are coming. She can own them.
It all starts flowing out at once when she makes that decision. "That's what I wanted. Just... a nice dream. For everyone, not just my city." The words jumble up as she tries to speak; she takes a breath and tries again. "You were born already as my friend," Akane chokes out. "Everyone in my city was. Not just you. And I thought -- if everyone understood that, and you and Hibiki and Utsumi could just go back to the way you were, and --"
Akane doesn't raise her head. She hates the idea of Rikka seeing her crying -- especially when Rikka is probably putting everything together about the last month and a half.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Rikka flinches a little, as she hears Akane breathe out sharply behind her. Her head turns, looking out the window. Her hair falls over her eyes. She can't look back.
"...I'm sorry." Rikka apologises, as Akane urges her to keep it going. Just like this... Akane continues, the words coming out in a jumble. She can hear how it's difficult for her to speak. Rikka... doesn't want to see her crying, either. She doesn't want to think about the fact that she was the one who made her cry.
Akane just wanted... a nice dream, for everyone. Of course she would. It doesn't come as a surprise. And... she wanted them to go back to the way they were.
Renais, Alouette, everyone... were they a test? Preparation for this? ...Then, Yuta and Utsumi must be going through the same thing right now, too. She can only trust in them, trust that they'll hold strong. As for herself...
...It sounds nice. A part of her wouldn't mind that. Even if it was just an act... those days when Akane was with them, and they worked together to uncover Tsutsujidai's secrets... they made her happy. It'd be nice to have something like that again. But...
"...I'm sorry." She repeats. "But I can't."
Her hands clasp together tightly in her lap. Her gaze falters, just a little.
"I still... really want to be your friend, Akane. I want that so much. But I can't go back to the way I was." She replies. "It is a nice dream... but it's just a dream."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Akane's simultaneously hanging on every single word Rikka's saying and utterly incapable of hearing any of it. As far as she's concerned, she crossed her own red line and was so wrapped up in herself that she didn't realize she was doing it until she was already doing it.
Hearing her apologize is the worst part of it; Akane fails herself over and over again and Rikka's -- apologizing, still. She shifts in her seat a little; her head rises another half-inch, and then falls forward onto her arm again.
Her eyes shut. Her resolve breaks -- fully and completely and comprehensively, in a way it didn't in France.
Elsewhere in her city -- twice over, now, the city in her heart and the city in her dream -- Bujack comes to a halt.
"..." Akane opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out; her lips part and she tries to make a sound, but she only gets the faint 'uh' of an aborted sentence. What she's hearing is -- incomprehensible. She doesn't even know how to take it.
... she's almost relieved, on some distant level -- some part of her buried under the tension in her body for which she has no name.
What was this even for...?
"... I wish -- everyone could have had a happy dream," she mumbles.
Akane, on the construction crane, curls up into herself. She can feel things coming to an end. ... maybe, she thinks -- maybe that's for the best after all.
If the people she wants most to reach are unreachable, then -- this is pointless anyway. So, for that matter, is she.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Rikka sits there, quietly, her expression downcast. The silence weighs down on her - and so too do Akane's movements behind her, and her struggle to respond.
"...I know you do. You're... a very kind person, Akane." Rikka replies, her tone soft. "I wish the world was kinder to you."
She remains quiet for a moment longer... and then she reaches up, pressing the button to request the next stop. This time, in this dream, she does not have to struggle to find it.
"I'm sorry, Akane. I have to go now." She says, standing up from her seat.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Those words stab into Akane's gut. To be told of her kindness as she's processing how much worse she's become makes her want to scream.
This... feels like too much to bear.
She can't even bring herself to say goodbye; part of her wants Rikka to leave now. Every ugly feeling is out for the world to see and she calls her kind?
... fine. They'll part here.
The bus comes to a stop. Rikka is free to exit -- to join her friends -- to wake up from her dream.
(Elsewhere, the others escape their dreams, too. So too, in time, will everyone else.)
Akane stares out toward Bujack as it materializes -- as it's torn apart in one world, and no doubt will be torn apart all over again in another.
"Even in dreams, I can't reach them," she confirms to herself.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
The bus rolls to a stop. Akane doesn't respond, or try to stop her. Rikka stands there for a moment, as if expecting her to do something... but when she doesn't, she makes her way wordlessly to the front. She looks back at her, just the once, before stepping out of the vehicle.
"Yuta, Utsumi... I'm on my way." Rikka murmurs, before breaking into a run - to run to their side, so they can leave this dream together.