2022-10-21: You're Not Those Things

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<Pose Tracker> Rena Lancaster has posed.


The crew that went to the space station has returned to the Ra Mari.

It has been a few hours now; they reported to the medbay, for Eight to be checked over. Rena, too, needs to be looked over. She has been distant in the last few hours: short responses, brief statements, and little eye contact. She is out of her normal suit, now, and wearing a T-shirt and shorts that goes underneath it.

They are gathered about a table. Eight can join them -- though it might require assistance for her -- and there are cups of tea, served by one of the nursing staff.

Rena's sits in the little white cup that she was provided. She hasn't touched it. She keeps looking forward, her expression still distant.

<Pose Tracker> Eight York has posed.


Eight regains consciousness eventually, and as it turns out, she's mostly just battered. Unfortunately, her nervous system is finicky on the best of days, and so she's in a lot of pain since waking up. Rezza has the bridge at the moment, because Eight is not in a position to Captain much right now... for emotional as well as physical reasons.

But with Kamille's help she makes it to the table, having insisted on going out to see Rena after all of this. There is a cup of tea for her, too, though she doesn't trust herself with it just yet.

"Rena?" Eight asks, gently.

She should be resting, but this is like rest.

<Pose Tracker> Kamille Bidan has posed.

When Kamille saw Eight arrive bruised and battered, he had the medical staff act fast to make sure she was alright, no neurological damage, etc. When he heard the story about Rena...

Well, he quietly asked her for a blood sample. And that takes at least a few hours.

Once he's helped Eight to her seat, he takes his own and pulls out a chart. When he speaks, he does so carefully, as if afraid his very words could hurt Rena more.

"I hate to say it, but Dispersal was telling the truth. There are little things, immune system antibodies, telomeres...Rena, you are a Coordinator."

He just lets the information sit there for her, and everyone else, to absorb.

<Pose Tracker> Anita Rosetta has posed.

It's been a few hours now - a few long, agonizing hours since their encounter with one Yuliana Dispersal. It's been difficult for everyone, and Anita's been doing her best to help where she can with the emotional wounds while Kamille and the medical staff deal with the physical... even if the best thing she can do right now is just to be there for them.

She's sitting with Rena now, sipping at her own tea as they wait. Eventually, Eight arrives, supported by Kamille. Anita manages a smile and a brief wave for both of them.

"Hey, Eight. How're you feeling?" Anita asks, and then looks toward Kamille. "Thanks for looking after her, Doc..."

But, he has a report to give so she goes quiet, splitting her attention between him and Rena. ...It's true, then. Rena's a coordinator. ...She doesn't comment just yet, waiting to see how Rena takes the news.

<Pose Tracker> Rena Lancaster has posed.


"Mm."

Normally, Rena would greet Eight brightly -- at least, cheerfully -- but there's none of that today. She makes eye contact, before she looks back down at the table. She didn't argue with them, though; she gave the blood sample, because it was best they knew.

She looks at Kamille for a moment, her eyes on his. As far as a Newtype's sense go, her mindset is troubling: like a fog of worry and anxiety, deadened to everything, and churning behind it.

When Kamille gives her the news, she closes her eyes, then exhales.

"...I didn't think she lied," she says, quietly. She slumps down into her chair. "Obsolete, huh. Just... a dead-end."

She doesn't meet their eyes.

<Pose Tracker> Eight York has posed.


"Mm," Eight answers Anita with a shake of her head. "I'm worried." She loo to Rena, again. And it's true, is it?

Her own psychic aura is... distorted, muted. Her mind is hazy, and only intense focus and pain bring her out of the fog at the moment; she should be unconscious, the medications she's on, but she isn't, because she's worried for Rena.

"Rena..."

She looks down. "You're not those things. A Coordinator, sure. That... makes sense. But obsolete? Dead-end? No way."

<Pose Tracker> Kamille Bidan has posed.

"Rena. Rena, look." Kamille shakes his head. "Dispersal is an asshole. Anyone who would tell you that information to hurt you is a huge asshole, alright? People aren't obsolete or dead-end! That's not how it works!"

He can sense the swamp of anxiety around him, mostly from Rena, and just waves his hands as if to disperse it somehow. Anyone sensitive to him will see anger flaring up on her behalf, like a plume of lava.

"It means your genes were altered before your birth, that's all. You're still a person, anyone saying otherwise is just spouting Blue Cosmos crap."

<Pose Tracker> Anita Rosetta has posed.

"...Yeah." Anita replies with a small nod toward Eight. She's worried too... about a lot of things, now. She sets her tea down, folding her arms in front of her as she leans back a little.

Rena... doesn't take the news well. Anita can see how she slumps down, and for a moment she's not sure what she can say or do. But Eight speaks, then, and then Kamille, and Anita nods.

"Yeah. You're not just some project... you're Rena. You're our friend." Anita says. "You're worth a lot more than she is."

<Pose Tracker> Rena Lancaster has posed.


"She said the project didn't go anywhere. And the data I read... it seems to be right," Rena says, in reply to Eight. She looks away and swallows, before she does glance at Kamille. His anger bubbling to the surface is something she can feel.

"I know she is," she says. "I know... it's not like Blue Cosmos was right." Though, now she might be the target of discrimination, if it got out. Now, choosing to hide it is different, too.

She glances at Anita. She hesitates, before she looks back down. "Am I, though? She said... I was conditioned. It's true, you know," she says. "My mother always made sure I wanted to please people. Work hard. Get rewarded for trying to always do more. And even after I left there... it's not like I stopped."

Rena looks down at her untouched cup of tea. "I kept trying to do that. And I'm always doing what I'm told. Maybe I'm just who they made me to be." She breathes out. "And that's part of a project that was canceled."

<Pose Tracker> Eight York has posed.


Eight nods, distantly, to Kamille. That's not how it works, right. And she does notice that anger flaring up. She's sstill...

"Right," she agrees with Anita, and then--Rena talks about the project. "Rena, I..."

Conditioned. Is that why?

"So what?" Eight says. "I was like that, too, when I got out. I changed, became who I wanted to be... in part because of you. So why can't you do the same thing? If you don't want to be a people-pleaser, then let's--let's change it!"

Eight's voice is unsteady, but she's trying. "...I was a project, too," she says. "And that doesn't change anything, does it?" 

<Pose Tracker> Kamille Bidan has posed.

"You're not what they wanted you to be, because you're here," Kamille insists. He rests his hands, folded, on the table. "You're here because you want to be, right? That means you can still make your own decisions, whatever 'conditioning' might be there."

He glances quietly at Eight. Two Cyber-Newtypes, then, of a sort.

"It's unfair what they did to you, trying to set your future in stone when you were still in utero. You're allowed to be mad about them doing that, you know. Especially if you were never told." 

<Pose Tracker> Anita Rosetta has posed.

Anita goes quiet. ...It explains a lot, really. All those times she found Rena dead tired, because she couldn't stop helping people. She massages the back of her neck, unable to quite refute it. She'd tried to urge her to stop, but... she never realised just how deep that went. Should she have done more...?

She looks toward Eight, then Kamille. She nods. This... really isn't fair. That they'd do something like this to their own child...

"...Then... who do you want to be?" Anita asks. "I'm not gonna say it'll be easy, but... we're still young. You've got time to figure things out." 

<Pose Tracker> Rena Lancaster has posed.


"I don't want to change, though. I still like doing that," Rena says. She looks down, still. "But... is it even mine? What of who I was is really mine? I--"

She stops, though, when Eight speaks up. Rena knew this, of course; she figured out from the day that she met Eight that she had been a project. Once upon a time, she thought she was the lucky one -- the one who wasn't used by her mother. How naive that was.

"I-I didn't mean that it changes something, Octo," Rena says. She swallows, and then she looks down. "I understand what you're saying, Doctor Bidan. But... how much of what I want to do is really me?"

She looks at Anita, then. "I don't know. I didn't dislike who I was. Or... or I don't know, maybe I did. I wasn't perfect, or anything, but..." She looks back down. "...I just feel like I'm not sure who I am, now."

She glances to the side. "I guess I should be angrier," she admits. "They did use me. Or... or planned to, I guess."

<Pose Tracker> Eight York has posed.


Eight's uniform coat hangs open, draped over her shoulders rather than properly 'worn'. And she's still watching Rena. She'll explain her own story... later. Definitely laer.

Anita asks the question, and maybe it's the right question, since Eight says, "...Okay. That makes sense." She was starting to go one place with it, but Rena just has questions. 'Me'...

"You can feel however you want," Eight says, following up on Kamille's statement. "Angry, not angry... It's fine."

"It's okay. But, you know? What I learned, was... 'Me' is something I define for myself. People will try to do it for you, but it's ultimately up to you."

"So I'm willing to stick by you while you figure that out. OK?"

There's another issue, she can think of. ...But that woman isn't her focus right now.

<Pose Tracker> Kamille Bidan has posed.

"Yeah," Kamille adds hastily, "you don't...have to be angry!" Comforting others is not his strong suit in his mind, and he can see himself just shoving his boot further into his mouth and hurting Rena more if he's not careful.

That's the last thing he wants to do.

"I think Eight and Anita have the right of it. I can't say I have any real experience with that kind of upbringing or tampering, but I just hope you're able to claim your decisions for yourself. IN the meantime, I can teach you how to properly punch a wall if you feel like you want to. If not, ignore me." 

<Pose Tracker> Anita Rosetta has posed.

That's a good question, and Anita isn't sure there's a real answer to it... not that she can give, at least. She nods, though, when Eight says Rena can feel however she wants to about it.

Eight says, then, that she learned that 'me' is something she can define for herself, and Kamille mentions being able to claim one's decision for oneself... Anita considers that for a moment than nods before raising her left arm, rolling down the sleeve of her Londo Bell jacket until her prosthetic is visible. She hasn't changed it yet from the heavy-duty, combat-oriented one she had picked out for their trip into the station, just in case.

"...Did I ever tell you guys why I started deciding to change these out?" Anita asked. "...It was kind of... my way of taking control and ownership of the situation I found myself in. Turning it into something I can feel good about, proud of, to make myself feel better."

She covers it up again, looking sheepish for a moment as she massages the back of her neck.

"Our situations aren't exactly the same, but... I guess that's my advice?" She concludes, then looks toward Eight and nods. "Yeah... Who you are is up to you. We can't decide it for you... but you can bet we'll supporting you while you do."

She sends Kamille a smile, too. She can tell he's doing his best.

"...Sounds like a good offer to me. I'd take him up on it - even if you aren't angry, couldn't hurt to punch something anyway." She comments.

<Pose Tracker> Rena Lancaster has posed.


"Something you define for yourself," Rena says. She looks down, frowning for a moment. What would that be? Could it be who she was before? She wishes -- and not for the first time, in the last few hours -- that she never learned the truth. Because it keeps repeating in her mind:

Obsolete.

She was made for something that ran its course. She looks down, for a moment, and swallows. "I'll... I'll try."

When Anita chimes in, though, she looks up. She blinks -- looking at the heavy-duty combat prosthetic. It's different than the sleeker ones she is more used to seeing her friend wear. Her eyes blink, but then she nods her head. "That... that makes sense," she says. Rena hesitates, her eyes downcast in thought.

"I'll try," she repeats. "I'm not sure what that looks like, yet. But... um, I'm sorry. I'll try, I promise."

Then, Rena looks at Kamille for a second, then she tilts her head. "I-I'm not... saying I'm not angry. I guess it's... just a lot to take in," Rena says. "And I'm certainly angry with Captain Dispersal."

A beat.

"I guess it would be better to punch a wall than punch her, next time I see her."

<Pose Tracker> Eight York has posed.


Upbringing and tampering... "I do," Eight confirms for Kamille. "So I can help with that part, anyway."

Then she listens to Anita, who mentions the prosthetic, and why she changes them. Something...

Eight smiles. "Yeah," she says. "That makes total sense."

She loks back to Rena. "Annie's right. We'll be supporting you, whagever you do."

Then she pauses. "I admit," she says, "Even if I got my ass kicked, it was pretty satisfying to punch her." She sighs. "...Even if I was just playing into her hands. You're probably right, the wall is better."

"...It takes time," Eight says more gently.

<Pose Tracker> Kamille Bidan has posed.

Kamille has seen Anita's prosthetics before, as a doctor and all that, but he still looks carefully when she shows it off. It's showing vulnerability for her to do that, and he ought to be respectful. He lowers his head and blushes slightly at the smile, in unspoken thanks.

"I mean, I'm gonna punch her. Even if it might be unwise, seeing what she did to the Captain and all." He gives a little nod to Eight. "And even if yeah, that's probably what she wants. I'm not sure how else to deal with bullies like that aside from ignoring them, and regardless of what teachers say that doesn't do crap. But for what it's worth, we can rebuild a wall a lot easier than we can put you back together if she goads you into a fight."

He pauses, and reluctantly adds, "or me." He might be in good shape with a martial arts background, but he's not enhanced. 

<Pose Tracker> Anita Rosetta has posed.

Anita offers Rena a smile, as she says that it makes sense. Eight gets one as well, as she agrees.

"Hey, it's okay. No need to apologize. You don't need to figure it out right away. Take your time, yeah?" She says.

As for Yuliana...

"If you didn't, I would've." Anita admits, as Eight comments on it. She's not sure if it would've gone any better for her.

"...Yeah. We'll have to figure out what we should do about her..." Anita says. Ignoring her isn't really an option, and fighting her... Well. She's not sure how that'd go.

<Pose Tracker> Rena Lancaster has posed.


"I can't say it was the wrong thing to do," Rena says, cracking a smile at Eight's remark. It's a small smile, but it's a real one, even if it is fleeting. Then, she looks at Kamille. Her eyes widen for a second.

"The Lieutenant--" Bailiwick Ultrasound. Her mentor. Kamille was at his funeral. She almost never calls him by name. "--said you could be headstrong, but... I never realized."

'Enhanced,' she thinks. Ironically, she might have the best luck against Yuliana. She is. That, or Anita, the one with a cybernetic limb. "We'll have to. And... what to do, if word gets out. They're not going to like a Coordinator working with us."

Rena exhales softly.

Her eyes drift towards Eight again, for a moment, at that last statement. One that echoes what Anita said. She looks between the three of them for a moment. "I'm not good," Rena says, quietly. "...at being patient, I mean. But... I'll try.'

<Pose Tracker> Eight York has posed.


"Heh. So it's not just me. I kinda figured it wasn't..." A shake of her head, then. "It's... Well. I lost my cool, and she took advantage, and since I couldn't sense her intent..." She gestures. "Plus I'm unfortunately a little fragile in the first place."

Rebuild... hm. "I think fighting her directly is a bad idea even if we all want to. We need to..." Hm. The Lieutenant.

"We'll have to figure that out, yeah. I think I know what I'm going to do, at least. Personally, I think it might be best to get out in front of it, but... she had a point, about the Federation."

A nod to Rena. "That's all you can do."

"...But like I said, I know what i'm going to do. I'm going to come out with what I am, to people. It's not that it's not kind of obvious with my name... but if they're thinknig about me, they won't be thinking about you."

"And it'll be a good test run. If they decide Londo Bell can't handle people like us, then we'll know." 

<Pose Tracker> Kamille Bidan has posed.

Kamille snorts at Rena's comment. "Come on, I'm not that bad."

He is. Ultrasound was 100 percent on the mark.

"There are definitely Coordinators working with the Federation whether the scumbags admit it or not, but a lot of them keep it quiet. If that's what you want to do, Rena, medical records are strictly confidential and-"

He cuts off and stares at Eight's announcement.

"...Captain. You'd do that?" For Rena? To protect her subordinates?

"...You're all too good for the Federation," he mumbles in awe, rubbing the back of his neck. "Whatever happens, I'll support you. All of you." 

<Pose Tracker> Anita Rosetta has posed.

"...Yeah, she's dangerous. And now that she knows we'll punch back, she'll probably figure out a way to use it against us if we do it again." Anita agrees with a nod, as Eight says that fighting her directly is a bad idea.

...What to do if word gets out... Anita frowns, at that. It's true... Yuliana might have left them the files she had with her, but she made it clear there were copies...
 ut, Eight has a plan - to come out with who she is. Anita looks up, surprised.

"Eight..." Anita says. She's a little surprised... but in hindsight, it makes sense. Anita smiles. That sort of thing is why she has the respect for the respect for Eight that she does, even not counting the fact that they're friends. Kamille says he'll support her, and all of them, and nods.

"Yeah, you know I'll always have your back, too." Anita agrees.

<Pose Tracker> Rena Lancaster has posed.


"I don't know if I'd call you fragile, but... I understand what you mean, Octo," Rena says. She quiets down for a moment, before her eyes turn towards Kamille. She smiles at him, apologetically.

"I-I'm sure the Lieutenant exaggerated, Dr. Bidan," she says. She doesn't sound sure.

She looks at Anita -- and she nods. "We'll need to be careful. But... I think we'll have to be ready to fight her. Even if it's not with fists. Or Mobile Suits."

She quiets down at Eight's offer, though. Kamille expresses such surprise. Rena's quiet, instead, in response. It is a complicated set of emotions within her. There is a part of her that recoils at the idea -- that feels angry at the very idea that Eight would take such a burden on, to shield her.

But...

There is another part, after being emotionally thrashed and having her past revealed so cruelly and bluntly, though, that can't argue. Sometimes, being protected is all she wants.

Rena launches forward, after that, and practically tackles Eight in a hug, then buries her face into her shoulder. She isn't coming up for awhile.

<Pose Tracker> Eight York has posed.


Eight can kind of guess about Kamille, from what he's told her. But... The Coordinators, that's true. "Probaby," she says to Anita about that. And for being fragile, "I don't like it," she says, "But physically, you can see what happens when I lose my cool."

Fight.. Yes. But there's surprise at her offer. Eight is distantly aware of that.

"Of course I would," Eight says to Kamille, when he asks. And then she looks to Anita. "I know," she says. And then Rena leans forward and--

It does hurt. Everything hurts at the moment. But Eight wraps arms around Rena anyway, and doesn't care about that.

"It's gonna be okay. OK? ...It will be. I promise."

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