2022-10-18: Precipice
- Log: 2022-10-18- Precipice
- Cast: Akane Shinjo, Rikka Takarada
- Where: Tsutsujidai High School to Tsutsujidai - Akane's House
- OOC - IC Date: 0096-10-18
- Summary: After a rough day of exams, two friends walk home.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Another school day. It's exam week... welcoming day was nice for a given value of nice, but now it's back to the daily grind of high-intensity schooling. Akane, at least, hasn't lost a step here; exams are one of the few things she feels earnestly good at and undisrupted about, so she's in her element.
Now, though, the school day is over, and she has to decide what to do with herself. Standing by the bike racks near the school's entrance, she thumbs at her phone with no particular sense of urgency; she has a lot more time now that she isn't fussing over making a new kaiju or strategizing about how to counterattack Gridman.
(She already has the strategy, after all. She just needs to get rid of more of Gridman's allies. ... surely that's why she's vibrating at the starting gate here.)
Tap tap tap. Let's see, who's open for a MacDaniel's run or something...
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Exams... Rikka is usually a pretty good student, but over the past several weeks she's been in and out of school due to various issues, a problem compounded by recent distractions, so today's exams were... pretty rough. She's sure she did okay, but...
...Well, that's just how it happens sometimes. She'll just have to try to do better in the coming days.
Rikka steps out the front doors, having said goodbye to her friends for the day, backpack slung over one shoulder as she starts to make her way home. ...That was the plan, anyway, but as she's starting to leave she spots Akane over by the bike racks. Alone. Rikka freezes in her tracks for a moment, suddenly conflicted.
...This would probably be her best chance to talk with her... but is she ready for that? ...No, maybe she isn't, but she can't keep avoiding her forever. She needs to talk to her at some point.
Eventually, Rikka comes to her decision and diverts her course, moving to approach Akane.
"Hey, Akane..." Rikka greets with a wave. "...Can we talk for a bit?"
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Akane looks up to see Rikka, her texting slowing and then stopping. She seems surprised to be approached at all -- there's a moment where she looks at Rikka, slightly wide-eyed, like she's just seen an oncoming car.
It passes. Within moments, she's back to a slightly thin smile and a look that's probably a little more downcast, a little more tired than she actually realizes. "Oh, sure," she says, bringing her bag up from her hand to her shoulder, putting her phone back in it once she's got it situated. "Let's get going. I'm not hanging around school any longer than I have to, I think."
She, at least, starts walking -- she takes a comfortable, leisurely pace toward the bus stop nearest the school. She's definitely in no rush. "What's up?"
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Akane looks at her with those wide eyes, and Rikka looks briefly conflicted. Is she surprised because of her, or just because she didn't expect to be approached...? She doesn't let it stop her, though.
"...Are you okay? You look a little tired." Rikka asks. But Akane agrees and so Rikka nods, slipping her backpack onto her other shoulder so she can more easily carry it while talking. "...That's fair."
They begin to walk. She doesn't mind the more casual pace. She's not in a rush to be anywhere, and she has a feeling neither is Akane.
As for what's up... Rikka mulls over just how to ask her question for a moment.
"...I guess. I was curious about some things." Rikka starts. "What made you decide to start inviting people here?"
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Akane's thoughts are half somewhere else -- distracted by thinking back to a conversation she had with one of the self-same people she invited to Tsutsujidai... about the person she's conversing with now.
"I'm fine!" Akane insists, and she sounds like herself when she says it, with all that entails. "Exams just took a lot out of me. Usually I'm done early, but I kinda had to spin my brain up this time..." Rubbing at the back of her head, she says, "It's okay, though. I think I nailed it."
Rikka builds up to the question -- and for a split second, Akane feels the world closing in on her. (It's not direly bad... yet. Just the sensation of being caught with her hand in the cookie jar.) She takes a slow breath in through her nose...
... and decides she wants some tomato juice. Fishing in her bag for the smaller, insulated bag with a few boxes of tomato juice, she pulls it open with a distinct velcro 'fsshhkkk' and pulls one out. She doesn't start in on it right away, though.
"I was talking to Alexis after what happened in France," Akane says, "and I kinda... decided I was done with kaiju attacks. He agreed that it'd be better for me to focus on trying to get people to understand me! So I did that."
Akane doesn't retreat from Rikka or anything -- but maybe there's some microexpression or change in her posture, because it's clear instantly that there's something she's unwilling to say in that process.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Akane insists that she's fine and Rikka relaxes, just a little.
"Yeah, I didn't have a great time either." Rikka admits with a small laugh. "Iii wish I could say the same. I don't think I failed or anything, but..."
She makes a brief hand gesture of uncertainty. She takes note of Akane, the way she breathes in and then pulls out a box of tomato juice before speaking.
So she talked with Alexis about it first... Rikka's a little surprised that he'd agree to that. But... she can tell that there's more to it than that, so she decides to push a little.
"I see..." Rikka murmurs. "Is that all it took...? I'm surprised you were able to get through to them so quickly. Renais and Asuka, especially... they always seemed so sure of themselves, and what they were doing. I never thought they'd decide to... stop fighting like that. I'm glad they found something else for themselves, but..."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Akane sets about popping the straw into that tomato juice box. It's a very deliberate motion, and one that she uses to defer actually answering Rikka's questions for a few seconds. Tap, tap, stab through. She takes a sip, and it's...
... honestly pretty stabilizing. She can face the question, at this point. "I think a lot of things are coming to a head lately. I don't think it's weird that people are starting to figure out that fighting kind of sucks. Plus, like... Renais was already kinda looking for an answer after the Triple Zero thing." Her delivery stays comfortable and casual, but there's a tiny, almost imperceptible drift away -- like the width of half a step, at most -- as they approach the bus stop.
It's be easy to write it off as nothing...
"Besides, the stuff they do for NERV or whoever is pretty replaceable, right?" Akane diverts. "If you disappear from people's lives, they're sad for a little while, but like. A year later? Two? It's like they basically never existed."
Akane's thoughts drift to the sound of a volleyball bouncing against classroom tile, for a second or two.
"I think they're better off. Like -- they're all... weird, right? And NERV only wanted them because of the ways they were weird. It's better not to hang out with people who only like you because of what you can do."
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
The distance between them widens, just a little. Rikka almost doesn't notice it at first, but when she does, she hesitates a bit... and then, takes just a step closer. If it really is nothing... that shouldn't be a problem, right?
"...No, it's not weird. Honestly, I wish nobody had to. There's too much fighting in the world." Rikka can agree on that much, at least. "If that's the decision they've come to, and they're sure of it, then I'm happy for them."
She still remembers talking to Alouette with Yuta in the park, and how she spoke of how difficult fighting her friends and family was...
But Akane diverts, and Rikka frowns.
"...Do you think that way?" Rikka asks, her tone soft. "...When someone disappears, there's always a hole left behind. Maybe it heals over time, but it always leaves a scar. Even here."
She hesitates, though, when Akane continues. People who only like you because of what you can do, huh...
"...You're right. That kind of person, they'd just be using you." She says, deciding it wouldn't be productive to be too pointed about it. "But while I can't speak for all of them, I know some of them do have people out there who care for them."
She goes quiet for a moment, before continuing.
"...What's going to happen to them? Everyone you invited here... What's going to happen to them if Tsutsujidai goes back to normal like you want? If that's still what you want." Rikka asks.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Rikka's quiet pursuit meets with a slight opening of Akane's mouth and her halfway pulling her tomato juice away from her mouth. She seems startled -- having Rikka pursue her rather than run is... nervewracking.
It takes her a minute to compose her thoughts, as they reach the bus stop. It's an unadorned little thing -- a much simpler spot than one might see in the real Nouvelle Tokyo. An awning and two flat wooden benches with no backs and no armrests.
Akane takes a seat. "I do!" Akane says, at the first question. "And I mean -- that's possible, but I really doubt it. People have gotten good at moving on out there. I guess you'd kinda have to, after stuff like the One Year War."
The last question, though -- Akane can actually be quite happy about that one. "They'll have their own little worlds too, eventually! Alexis and I talked about it. If they agree that this kind of dream is better than the world out there, why shouldn't they get one? This way they can try it out first." Another sip, and Akane's eyes shut for just a moment. As she struggles a little to open them again, she continues, "That's the way things should be. I don't think we can stop what's going on out there."
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Rikka has done a lot of running from Akane. Now, though... she's not sure she can afford to anymore. If that gap between them gets any wider...
...And she doesn't mean just the physical one.
They reach the bus stop and Rikka unslings her backpack, setting it beside her as she moves to take a seat, looking back over to Akane once she's settled in.
"I never really got that impression." Rikka admits. "They might have 'moved on' on the surface, but it's still there, waiting to remind them of who they've lost."
And Akane answers her next question. Rikka frowns, uncertainly. Their own little worlds, like Tsutsujidai...
"...That's a little sad." Rikka comments. "What if they don't want that? They're here because you invited them. What if they decide they want to stay with you, and each other? Would you be okay with that?"
That's the way things should be...
"...Even if we can't stop it ourselves, there's still a lot of good that can be done out there. But you have to make the effort, first." Rikka replies.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
"I don't think you quite get it," Akane says to Rikka, with a brief shake of her head. "They're not here because of me. They're here because the dream is better than everything out there. If they can have their own dreams, I think that's better than sharing mine, so obviously they're going to go for it. It can be exactly the way they want it."
Now that she's settled in at the bus stop, she says, "If you think you can pull that off, why don't you go do it? I mean, I get why you'd feel that way. You've been driving around that little thing that shows up with Gridman for a while now."
Another slow sip. The bus doesn't arrive just yet; they may be offset from the schedule, a bit. Akane stays on the bench, nevertheless; the bus is still faster. ... and cooler.
"I guess you're asking all this 'cuz you're trying to figure out why you want to stay so bad." Her lips curl up slightly -- though there's no feeling in it, no warmth. Just the miserable guilt that's becoming Akane's default state, lately.
"I already told you. You're set up to be that way. Gridman kind of changed the equation, maybe, but that's a win for you! You could transfer to Jindai or something."
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
"...You sound pretty sure about that. But I guess you'd know." Rikka says. Would that really be what they want, though...? And is that something she can just let happen, even if it is?
Why doesn't she go off and do good, like Akane says...?
"...I've been trying to. But... there's something important to me I've been focusing on, first." Rikka explains, then goes quiet for a moment, her gaze finding the pavement below. She stays like that until Akane speaks up again, raising her head to look back over to her.
"...I already know why I want to stay." She replies, shaking her head. "I know I could transfer, but... that'd be like admitting that it's a lost cause. And I'm not ready to give up yet."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
The logical, normal conclusion (that Rikka can leave; that Rikka is choosing not to; that her choice hinges on whether Akane is a lost cause) doesn't even register for Akane. She can't make that connect, no matter how pretty a fantasy it might seem like to her, right now.
"I already told you -- it was right before summer break, I think," Akane answers. "I wouldn't blame someone for figuring out how to run away."
She doesn't know what else to say, for a little while. She drains the rest of her tomato juice box in silence.
A thought flits through her head. ... it's something that usually unbalances her, so... she may as well try it. "Why are you so loyal to Gridman? Didn't you like it -- when the world just kept going quietly? I bet he'd lose without you."
Akane seems very intent on listening to Rikka at first. Her eyes are on the other girl, and she's... well, as comfortable as she's ever been in the conversation. Something seems to occur to her a little while after she asks her question, and when it hits, she turns to face straight forward, out toward the street, instead. It feels like a gust of cold wind -- localized almost entirely to the bus stop.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
"...I remember that." Rikka replies with a nod. "At that time... I agreed with you, that I wouldn't blame them either. But... since then, I've come to realise something. There's nothing wrong with running away... but at some point, you have to start running toward something."
Silence falls between them again, until eventually Akane asks her that question.
Why is she so loyal to Gridman? Didn't she like it when the world just kept going quietly?
"...I did, at the time. And then... I woke up, and saw everything that was going on around me. My world may have been quiet, but there was so much going on around me that I wasn't aware of until my eyes were opened. At that point, I couldn't - didn't - want to go back to that quiet, peaceful world anymore." Rikka explains. "Gridman, he... he helps people, even those who can't ask for it themselves. Even though it puts his life on the line every time, and no matter how hard it gets, and even though he doesn't get any thanks in return. That's why. Someone has to be there to stand by him, so he doesn't have to face him alone."
But, would he lose without her?
"...I don't know about that. He's strong - and I don't mean just physically. If something happened to me... I think he'd still have the drive to keep going." Rikka replies... and then pauses, watching as Akane faces forward abruptly. Is that a chill in the air...?
"...Akane?" Rikka calls out.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Akane soaks in the idea that she might need to start running toward something. (At least, that's how she takes it.) She's... only ever been a coward. How can she answer that? What possible thing could she say that would make her even remotely comprehensible to someone who thinks like that...?
This plan is so, so doomed, Akane realizes, as Rikka talks. She can't just peel away all of Gridman's allies. She'll have to peel Gridman directly from himself for this to work. And then everyone who'd think to save him, in turn. For a plan that was supposed to make her friends, this...
... feels, if anything, even more like she's made the whole world her enemy.
... so be it, then. This broken world was certainly never her friend in the first place.
"Hmmm. Yeah, I felt it too. If it's cooling down a bit," Akane says, "Maybe I don't need a bus after all." She stands up, announcing, "I'm gonna walk home after all. Later, Rikka."
The answers to everything else go unexpressed, for now -- but then, Akane's footfalls on the sidewalk are an answer in their own right, aren't they?
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Rikka's words are met with silence. The silence says a lot, though... especially when Akane decides she doesn't need to take the bus after all. Rikka hesitates, for a moment. For the most part, she's preferred to give Akane her space, but...
...Right now, unless Akane herself pushes her away, she doesn't like the idea of leaving her alone.
Rikka stands up from the bench, picking up her bag and slinging it over her shoulder again.
"Wait for me. I can walk you home?" Rikka offers, hurrying after Akane. "Since we're going the same way..."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Ah. The kindness she'd been preparing to give last night, before it mutated on the spot into addressing her own needs instead.
Akane stops in her tracks for just a second, trying to sort through how she feels about that. "... okay. You can do that," Akane answers. It's that slightly pinched-and-flat delivery that she doesn't even notice she's doing until she's halfway through it and can't fix it.
... it kind of leaves her in a position where she needs to answer her, too. Everything feels so hard -- and then abruptly it doesn't. The sun hangs low -- not quite setting.
"I think even someone like Gridman's got their limits when they're alone and once they find them the fighting's kinda over," she says, her words a little flat, running together a little bit -- not composed sentences, just the word-vomit of someone who's avoiding fully inhabiting her words. "When I sent out a second kaiju during the festival and got half of you guys looking somewhere else you kinda ate it to the point where I permanently broke Guy and Alouette's dumb little toy and when you had to split between me and someone else Alouette ended up in the hospital."
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
The response she gets is... flat. But Akane accepts it, at least, so with a nod Rikka picks up the pace until she's walking next to her. And when Akane answers her next, it's in a similarly flat tone, her words running together.
Rikka... can't answer right away. She's quiet for a moment, once more looking down. She was approaching it from a different angle, but from a practical standpoint...
...Yeah. Even with all the help they had then, they were all lucky to get out alive, much less protect the people they were trying to protect. And now... much of the help they'd come to rely on had decided they didn't want to fight anymore. It's something that hadn't really... hit her, until now, since it'd been a while since the last fight. She still doesn't begrudge them their choice, but... It does make her realise that she's not sure how well they'll handle it if something does happen again.
"...Yeah. You're right." Rikka admits, looking back up to Akane. There's no point in denying it. "Even Gridman can't do everything alone..."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
There's something teasing at the edge of Akane's perception -- some truth about this hidden in Rikka's words. She feels like she's on the verge of a realization, for a second.
... something drags it back down. She's made her own world so many people's highest priority -- that means it has to be her highest priority, too. And the world outside that...
... that's still too much.
Rikka's concession comes as relief -- but why does that relief feel so empty? Is Tsutsujidai simply a world that cannot give itself any relief? A long silence passes as the two walk toward home. "This'll all be over soon," she affirms. "I think the point where Gridman can't fight anymore is coming a lot faster than you'd think even if I don't do any more kaiju attacks so you should try to figure out where you want to be when it ends."
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
"What do you mean?" Rikka asks, as Akane says it'll be over soon. The point where Gridman can't fight anymore... It's a worrying thought. Is something going to happen...? Rikka frowns a little, considering Akane for a moment. She can't tell if Akane is confident in that, or just resigned to the fact that it's going to happen. If she doesn't have much time left, then she'll have to think about how to make the most of it. But if she doesn't have a lot of time, then can she really afford to hold back...?
"...Thanks for the warning. I guess I'll have to pick up the pace, then." Rikka says. "I said that... I can't leave yet, because that'd be giving up on something important."
Rikka stares at her now, as they walk.
"I mean that, Akane. I'm not giving up on you." She says.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
"I just mean everyone has a limit is all," Akane says, deciding to leave it at that for now.
As they approach home -- for both of them -- Akane pulls out her blue blockers from her bag. The light feels like just a little too much right now. And at those final words, and that pointed stare --
'You may be right but... I still haven't given up on you, Akane.'
It's the second time she's heard it in a few short weeks.
It's an easier feeling to ignore the second time, after you've already cut it to shreds once.
"You're going to get hurt if you don't," comes her answer. It'd be easy to read as a threat, from outside the conversation, but... there's no hostile intent behind it. Just resignation and --
-- worry?
Akane moves to head into her house. "... See you at school tomorrow. Exams aren't gonna take themselves, Rikka!" Her parting words spring back to enthusiasm -- as if everything else never passed between them.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Everyone has a limit... That's true. It's just a matter of whose is reached first. What's going to happen...?
But Akane's response comes, and Rikka can see it for what it is... the worry, though, is new. She's worried about her...
"I'm okay with that." Rikka replies, her voice certain.
...They've reached their destination now, though, and at this point she's out of excuses for staying with her.
"...Yeah. See you tomorrow, Akane. Good luck on the exams." Rikka replies with a wave. She watches Akane for a moment longer before stepping away, heading toward the Aya not too far away.