2022-09-25: Comfort
- Log: 2022-09-25 Comfort
- Cast: Yuta Hibiki, Kaworu Nagisa (ft. cameo by Shinji Ikari)
- Where: Tsutsujidai
- OOC - IC Date: September 25, 0096 (2022)
- Summary: Kaworu checks in on Yuta after his confession to Rikka doesn't go as he'd hoped.
<Pose Tracker> Yuta Hibiki has posed.
Yuta's apartment is different from the last time Kaworu has seen it. Unwashed dishes lay in the sink, pillows are strewn around everywhere, the TV is on to a random channel. When Yuta answers the door, he's in a tank top and pajama pants, hair unbrushed. At the sight of Kaworu, he blinks in surprise.
"Oh! Kaworu! Please, come in!" Oh no. He entirely forgot he was spending time with Kaworu today. Yuta hurries into the room before Kaworu, sticking pillows back on couches and fumbling with the TV remote. "Sometimes I like it on so it isn't so quiet around here!" Yuta says, trying to inject a cheerful tone into his voice.
After tidying the living room as much as possible in five seconds, Yuta goes to the kitchen and rummages in a cabinet. Food in the house is running low, but... he's still got some cookies he made for. A slight wince. Earlier. One hand pats his hair somewhat into place as he puts the cookies on a plate. They're a few days old, but they should still taste good! Maybe not on par with Shinji's, but Yuta did his best.
Placing the cookies on the living room table, Yuta sits down on a couch, next to Kaworu, if the other young man has chosen to sit down. "Sorry to start things off on a heavy note, but, have you heard from Shinji since last night? He was doing pretty bad after the battle."
Speak for yourself, Yuta!
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
It's understandable that Yuta might have forgotten that Kaworu was coming over. He isn't the only one who had a rough time yesterday. There's Liam, who was at least partly responsible for the death of an enemy pilot, and Shinji... Alexis might have exaggerated when he said that Shinji's the only one Kaworu cares about, but it's true that Shinji is and will always be his first priority. After yesterday's battle, Kaworu went by Misato's apartment to check in on him, and...
---
"Shinji? It's me," Kaworu calls softly from the other side of Shinji's bedroom door.
No answer. But he can feel Shinji's presence on the other side. He could from clear across the city. A normal Japanese person would balk and turn away at that oppressive silence, but Kaworu is Japanese in name only. Carefully, he slides the door open, slips inside, and slides it shut.
Shinji is there on his bed, curled up with SDAT in hand and headphones in place. They're the headphones Kaworu gave him for his birthday, and he smiles to see it. Shinji himself bolts upright as he enters, eyes wide as he shoves one side of the headphones off.
"K-Kaworu?" he stammers.
Kaworu doesn't stop smiling. In the dimness, his gaze softens. Shinji has always been such a delicate soul, and he feels so strongly about not killing... With even steps, he crosses the room to sit next to his friend, the mattress whispering under his weight.
Shinji curls up as he does, pulling his legs up against his chest before slowly letting them dangle off the side of his bed. He clutches his hands on his sheets on either side of himself; his headphones slip off to land on his shoulders, the soft, barely-audible tones of jazz wafting from them.
For a long while, neither of them speak.
Then, at long last, Kaworu gently blankets Shinji's hand with his own.
Shinji still doesn't speak. He doesn't even sob. But he leans into Kaworu--or more accurately, falls into him--and buries his face in his chest. Kaworu catches him and holds him with his other arm. For several hours, they stay that way until it's time for Kaworu to go.
"I'll come by again," he tells him as he leaves, voice quiet and tender. "All right?"
Shinji remains soundless and slumped. He looks up when Kaworu speaks, mouth open. Unable to find his words, or not trusting himself to speak, he nods once.
---
Here in Tsutsujidai, just outside Yuta's apartment, Kaworu strolls inside when bidden, taking off his sneakers in the foyer and following his friend. He glances at the TV as Yuta scrambles to turn it off, and sits with Yuta on the couch. He doesn't take any of the cookies.
"He's taking it badly," he replies. "But he's a little better now. I visited him before I came here, and we sat in silence for a few hours." He pauses. "You seem to be taking it badly too," he notes.
<Pose Tracker> Yuta Hibiki has posed.
"Oh man.." Yuta's eyebrows draw together. Several hours in total silence? Shinji really must be suffering. "I'm so glad he has you, Kaworu." At Kaworu's concern over Yuta, he blinks in surprise. "I'm okay! I mean --" Even Yuta can't quite keep a straight face for that one. "...no, you're right. I've been having a hard time with it too."
Yuta slumps back against the couch a little. "That pilot came out to fight me. It was my fault he was involved at all. Gridman and the others keep saying it isn't my fault, and I know they're right, but it doesn't feel that way, I guess?" He tries to tilt it into a question so it doesn't feel quite so dire.
"I guess it's been one of those weeks." Yuta takes a cookie. "I confessed to Rikka, and she turned me down. Really nicely! She wasn't mean about it at all!" He adds, hastily, raising a hand. "But it's still, um." Yuta scratches his face, glancing away. "Kinda bad feeling."
Yuta fusses with the cookie, not eating it as much as just turning it around in his hands. "She said it's the second time I confessed to her. This happened before my amnesia, too. Like!" Yuta manages a little laugh. "What is that, right? How embarrassing to have bothered her twice! But another part of me thinks... If I felt this way about her through two... lifetimes, I guess... Am I ever going to be able to feel this way about someone else?"
"Sorry. I didn't invite you hear to dump all my problems on you." Yuta shakes his head, trying to get into a better headspace. "How have things been going for you, Kaworu? I heard there was another angel attack, I'm sorry we weren't there to help out."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Kaworu smiles at Yuta's statement of gladness. He knows that Shinji isn't completely better--knows, deep down, that he may never be, that this may just be a bandage over a gaping wound--but if he could comfort him and ease his suffering even for a short while... When Yuta tries to protest that he's fine, Kaworu gives him an even look until he caves and starts to share.
As always, Kaworu listens attentively and patiently. So for him, it's not just a battle that went badly, but his confession to Rikka also fell through... not just this time, but last time too, apparently. Kaworu understands how that feels, and his sympathy shows in the upward curve of his eyebrows.
"It's all right," he reassures him. "I don't mind listening to your problems. We're friends, after all. If I can do anything to ease your pain, I'm happy to." He smiles a little as Yuta tries to turn it around on him, asking him how he's been. "That's all right too. It was a sudden thing, and the response was immediate. You can't help that you weren't around at the time," he reassures him. "We managed to defeat it without any casualties, but..." His smile fades. "There was a considerable amount of damage. This is normal for an Angel attack, but even so..."
Not to mention that the 'Angel' they defeated wasn't the true body. But Kaworu keeps that to himself.
<Pose Tracker> Yuta Hibiki has posed.
Kaworu has a remakable ability to see through people. Yuta can't help but pour out his problems to the other young man. How many people treat Kaworu this way? Yuta worries, for a moment. Does Kaworu have anyone he can trust enough to vent to?
"You're the best, Kaworu." Yuta says, with a genuine smile. "I feel the same way. If you ever need someone to listen, I'll be first in line!" It doesn't seem likely that Kaworu will take him up on it, but... all he can do is offer.
At Kaworu's encouragement, Yuta tells the story of his confession to Rikka. All the work that went into preparing a custom charm bracelet for her. Hours of searching online shops and in-person stores. Crafting a custom charm with Calibur. Cooking with Vit, sitting on Max's shoulders to hang Christmas lights, and Borr offering guidance and final touches. It had really become a group effort, by the end! ...which is another reason it was so embarrassing to be turned down.
"They all comforted me and didn't make a fuss, they're good friends too." Yuta explains, quick to defend his companions. "Gridman said 'Keep your head high!', whatever that means in this context." He laughs a bit. "He always does his best to encourage me, but I don't think he understands half of what humans experience, really."
Despite Yuta's attempts at lightness, it's clear everything is weighing on him. His shoulders are slumped, and his eyes are a little more dull than usual.
"No casualties is amazing..." He murmurs, in response to Kaworu's explanation. "I'm thankful you all made it out okay. I'll be there next time, no matter what. But, if it's okay that I ask... What are the angels, exactly? Are they kaiju?" They do kind of act like kaiju, and they're weird-looking. Utsumi would probably have a lot to say on how silly a question this is. "It's okay if this is classified or something."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
He does... but Yuta doesn't actually ask that, so Kaworu doesn't mention it. Instead, he returns his smile. "Thank you. I'll keep that in mind," he says. He probably won't take him up on it--there's so much Yuta doesn't know about him--but he does genuinely appreciate the offer.
And so he listens as Yuta explains how much effort he and his companions (the other pieces of his self, according to Nidaime, as Kaworu silently recalls) had poured into making the confession to Rikka a perfect experience. "It must have been painful to be turned down, not once but twice," he says by the end. "But it's good that you and Rikka were able to come to terms. One-sided love is painful, but it would be even more painful to lose a friend." He smiles as Yuta defends Gridman and the others. "Of that, I have no doubt."
...It's unclear if he means Calibur and the others being good friends, or Gridman having a poor understanding of human experience.
Still, as Yuta slumps over, Kaworu leans in a little in concern. He likewise appreciates Yuta promising to be there to help next time--which will be sooner than not, he's certain--but... What are Angels, hm. It's not the first time Kaworu has had to answer this question, and it surely won't be the last, but it does give him pause to have this come up now. He and the other Children have been so involved in Tsutsujidai's affairs that it's a little startling to realize that the same isn't quite true in reverse.
"They can be considered a type of kaiju. A great deal of information on them is indeed classified, but NERV's stance on them is that they are essentially autonomous mobile weapons," Kaworu replies. "Their goal is nothing short of the eradication of all life on Earth, so it's vital that they be confronted and defeated as soon as they manifest. While each one has unique aesthetics, attributes, and characteristics, they have a few common features: one, a red orb somewhere in or on their bodies called a core, which must be destroyed in order to defeat them; two, the ability to fire a powerful cross-shaped beam of energy; and three, a nigh impenetrable defensive light that is known as an A.T. Field. The only thing that can counter an A.T. Field is another A.T. Field, which the Evangelion Series is able to deploy. That's why it's crucial to have an Evangelion on site against an Angel; it simply cannot be touched otherwise."
<Pose Tracker> Yuta Hibiki has posed.
"Yeah, you're right. It was a lot easier to talk to her yesterday after getting my feelings out of the way." Yuta smiles a little. "And I did appreciate learning something about my past self. Without Rikka, I don't think Tsutsujidai would even still exist, really. She means everything to me, no matter what our relationship is going to look like."
Yuta feels lucky Rikka took his confession as well as she did. It could've been so much worse, especially since her family owns Junk. Who knows if the NGJHS would choose him or Rikka, especially since Rikka's mom is the one who feeds them. Yuta certainly has nothing on that scale to offer...
Hopefully, the scales will balance a little more, as time goes on. Yuta certainly values everything the NERV Children have done for Tsutsujidai, and Rikka certainly feels the same way. Maybe fighting together for their sake would help everyone grow closer?
"Some kind of thing between kaiju and mobile weapons?" Yuta looks a little puzzled. "That sounds like Mecha-Ghoulghilas." He listens to the rest of the explanation. "I wonder why they want to destroy life so much. Does anyone know? Can they talk?" Perhaps Yuta's view on enemies is a little skewed, with Akane Shinjo being available to text at pretty much any time. Would it be easier to fight someone who can't understand you..?
"It's kinda nice they have such an obvious weak point, at least!" He'll have to remember that thing about the red orb, and share it with Rikka before the next attack. "But powerful energy beams are stressful. Especially if they reach a long way, it'd be hard to find cover. And that defense field..." Yuta shakes his head. No wonder the NERV kids train so hard. "I'm glad the Evangelions can help, at least. It must've been horrible before the A.T. field was figured out."
Yuta looks at Kaworu, concern in his eyes. "You all must be under so much pressure to show up every single time one attacks. I can understand how that feels a little, but at least kaiju can be taken out by anyone. I wish you guys didn't have to fight so hard."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Without Rikka, hm. Yuta may be on to something there. Akane cares about her so much, and she's holding on so tightly to the idea of what she believes she ought to be, as if she couldn't possibly be anything else. Kaworu understands that feeling well, and what saved him from it was Shinji's feelings for him. Rikka's feelings for Akane might well be what save them all in the end.
He doesn't say that, though. What he says aloud is, "I'm glad to hear it."
It would be good if they could all get closer through their respective battles, though. Kaworu's grown fond of this place and those awakened within it.
"Hmm... It's not quite like Mecha-Ghoulghilas. Angels are difficult to describe in words. You'll understand better once you see one active in battle for yourself," Kaworu replies. The questions give him pause. They're so direct, it's difficult to think of a way to talk around them. "Hmmm... NERV's investigations into Angels is ongoing," he decides upon. "One of my duties there is as a kaiju expert, specifically an Angel specialist, but there's much about them that even I can't say."
Yes. That should do.
His smile turns rueful when Yuta muses on how it must have been like before figuring out the A.T. Fields. There a lot he could say to that, but he decides to keep his peace. It's a complicated topic with a complicated history, and not really relevant besides. "Thank you," he says instead at Yuta's sympathy. "Yes. It can be difficult. Only a select few have the capability to pilot an Evangelion, as well. At present, there are only nine of us in the entire world. More may be uncovered in the future, but for now..."
He shrugs slightly. "Though considering there aren't very many Evangelions to begin with, one might consider this a surplus. I myself serve as a reserve pilot, as my Unit is still under construction."
<Pose Tracker> Yuta Hibiki has posed.
After the small fight between Rikka and Akane at the battle yesterday, would their feelings for each other hold true? Yuta is ignorant of this, but... He would hope so, if he knew.
Angels are not like Mecha-Ghoulghilas... It's hard to imagine something else organic and like a mobile weapon both. Yuta tilts his head.
"Right. A lot of things make sense when you experience them for yourself." All Yuta can remember hearing about them is that they're huge and spooky, really. "Please don't say anything you shouldn't, I don't want to get you into any trouble! It's amazing you're an expert, though. There's so much you're good at, Kaworu!"
Not for the first time, Yuta finds himself a bit jealous of his friend. With his many talents and easygoing nature, Kaworu seems like an ideal Yuta can't imagine himself ever reaching. Thankfully, the young man is good-natured enough not to grow bitter, but there'll always be a bit of awe in the way he thinks about Kaworu.
"I had no idea the ability to pilot one was so rare." Yuta looks surprised. "I didn't know Evangelions were so rare, either. I guess there's so many other mobile suits and things around that I assumed they were all pretty common." A pause, and then, "Do you want to be an active pilot, Kaworu? It seems really stressful for Shinji, but.. I guess it'd be easier on him if you were able to fight, too."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
There's so much he's good at, Yuta says. Kaworu can't help but laugh a little. "I just have a bit more experience at things than most, that's all," he replies. Despite his humility, it might sound like a humblebrag, considering that as far as anyone knows, he's still a fifteen-year-old. But then, experience isn't entirely about the amount of time one has lived.
If Yuta's in awe of Kaworu, he wouldn't be the only one. Shinji and Kaworu have a bit of that same kind of relationship, tempered by what Shinji has come to learn of the pain Kaworu keeps hidden away--of the pain that's so similar to Shinji's own. ...But that's another story.
"It really depends on the mobile suit. Some are more common than others. Evangelions are highly difficult and expensive to produce, though, so there are only about as many Evangelions as there are pilots for them." In other words, nine in the whole world. "But considering how specialized they are as weapons, it only makes sense," he concludes. "As far as most of the world is concerned, Evangelions are only useful as long as there are Angels to defeat, and there are a finite number of Angels."
The question of whether he wants to be an active pilot or not is met with a shrug. "I don't feel strongly either way. I still pilot fairly frequently; doing so lets the other Children take a break on occasion, so whether I'm on active duty or on reserve makes little difference to me."
Sadness pinches the corners of his eyes as Yuta brings up Shinji. "Yes... It is. When I was assigned to NERV Japan, I offered to take Shinji's place so he wouldn't need to push himself... but he refused. He was more worried about Rei Ayanami than himself--told me that if I were to relieve anyone of that burden, it should be her." His smile turns both bittersweet and fond. "He's always thinking of others before himself."
<Pose Tracker> Yuta Hibiki has posed.
Kaworu's response is a little puzzling, but it makes sense for someone talking to an amnesiac, Yuta thinks. "I hope I can experience as many things as you have, someday."
With even knowledge about mobile suits, Kaworu really does seem to know everything. "A finite number of angels! That's good news. Maybe you all won't have to fight for too much longer, then. Or at least, not train so hard." It's hard to imagine Asuka and Mari ever wanting to give up fighting.
"I'm impressed you can think of piloting so easily. I know I'd rather not fight, if I had the choice." Yuta says, quietly. "But I would never let everyone else go out alone, either. That's more important."
Kaworu always seems to have a strong reaction when it comes to Shinji. "You guys are really close, aren't you? It's amazing that he hates fighting so much, but he keeps going to protect Rei." Yuta smiles. "Shinji's pretty amazing. Do you think there's anything I can do to help him right now?"
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
'I hope I can experience as many things as you have, someday,' Yuta says.
Kaworu laughs a little and doesn't otherwise respond.
"To some, it is. For some of us Children, it's harrowing news," Kaworu replies. "To some of us, piloting an Evangelion is everything. The prospect of eventually losing that is terrifying. I mentioned it in passing once," that there's a limited number of Angels, he means, "and some of them were quite upset."
He leans his head back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. "...I understand how they feel. But they'll never find happiness by dedicating themselves solely to Eva. ...Perhaps they think happiness is impossible for them. That purpose alone is enough." He shakes his head slowly. "I don't know."
He crooks a faint smile back over at Yuta. "I actually enjoy fighting. There's something exhilarating at being able to put one's abilities to the test. But it would be nice if I could fight without having to have such high stakes."
That smile broadens as Yuta comments on Shinji. "Yes. He really is amazing," he says warmly. "He just doesn't see it himself. How does the saying go...? 'It's darkest at the foot of a lighthouse.'"
Is there anything Yuta can do to help him, though? "You've already done something by helping him off the battlefield. But I know how it is; you don't want to help your friends once and then leave them be," he murmurs. "He's been withdrawn since then. Being there for him... letting him know that you're there, and you care... it should help."
A brief pause. Then his face lights with an 'oh!' sort of expression. "Let me share something with you," he says, pulling his smartphone from his pocket. The double-note charm dangles from one side as he pulls up a photo, then holds it out to Yuta. He'll see a beautifully decorated cake with fondant piano keys curling completely around its side. Half the top is iced in blue with sugary, foaming waves frothing at an unlit violet candle, icing flowers, and an edible make-up palette -- each shade its own round cookie. They're not so expertly made that they might get mistaken for the real thing, as some cake artisans can do, but they're still competent, appetizing depictions.
"Shinji made me this cake for my birthday," Kaworu tells him, voice swelling with love and pride. "Isn't it magnificent? He poured so much love and care into its creation. All for me." He smiles so broadly his eyes squint shut. "I was so happy."
<Pose Tracker> Yuta Hibiki has posed.
"Change is always scary. I don't have that much experience with it, but I guess I can understand them too. I feel like I don't have anything I'm really good at besides fighting, either. But I think you're right. Just fighting isn't enough to make someone happy."
Kaworu's right, the thrill of putting your abilities to the test is pretty great. "I felt that way when I was performing! I wonder if more pilots would enjoy that kind of thing, if they felt like they had the chance?"
It's hard to imagine someone like Shinji performing, though, no matter how amazing he is. "Shinji thinks so poorly of himself, but he's wonderful. He feels so human compared to other people, I guess." Yuta nods at Kaworu's advice. "Right. I'll text him as soon as I get a second. It sounds like helping Shinji will be a lot like reaching out to Akane."
Yuta leans in to look at the picture, smiling to himself as he sees the charm still decorating Kaworu's phone. "Woah..! That looks like a professional did it!" It's certainly enough to impress Yuta, no matter if it's photo-realistic or not! "Shinji really did this all himself? It's definitely an expression of love and care! Look how he included all your favorite things, music, makeup, waves... He must've spent hours just deciding on details. What did it taste like?"
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Fighting is fun, but fighting alone isn't enough. It isn't really the fighting, though. Kaworu doesn't explain that to Yuta. It would require explaining too many other things that aren't his place to discuss.
"I think they would," he says instead. "Art in all its many forms is such a profound way of expressing your inner landscape, whether through music, dance, cosmetics, or otherwise. Schools really should invest in better art programs, in my opinion."
So human... Yes. Shinji really is incredibly human. Kaworu chuckles fondly at the thought--and at the comparison to Akane. "Shinji and Akane remind me of each other, too," he says, "though Akane shares as much in common with the Second Child."
(A scathing indictment of her personality, honestly.)
"It was delicious," he says warmly, admiring the photo along with Yuta. He really is glad that he captured that image. Being able to share it with others, and so relive that moment, is such a blessed experience. "Though in truth, it wouldn't matter what it tasted like. The fact that he went to such lengths for me... It's everything."
He falls silent for a moment, cradling his phone as he gazes with tender eyes at the cake reflected within. Light glimmers off the note charm as it sways, matching the one Yuta separately gave Shinji. "...You mentioned before that you feared since you fell in love with Rikka twice, you won't be able to love anyone but her. But even if you can't, living with one-sided love isn't so bad," he murmurs. "She still cares for you as a friend, and friendship is a wonderful thing. It would be far worse if she rejected you entirely."
He shuts his eyes with a smile, swiping the phone's screen to darkness with a pass of his hand. "So don't worry, Yuta. Simply staying by her side as her friend will be enough. You'll see."
<Pose Tracker> Yuta Hibiki has posed.
"Well, at least Tsutsujidai will have a well-funded dance club." Yuta says, with more than a little pride. "I think I'll join up soon, if they'll have me. We could hang out more that way, too!"
Yuta laughs. "I think both of them would be shocked if you told them they were like Akane. I think she and Shinji would really get along, if they had the chance. They used to be classmates and everything." The Second Child... maybe not so much.
Watching the gentleness in Kaworu's expression, Yuta begins to wonder if he and Shinji are really just 'friends'. With how much they mean to each other... He glances between the gorgeous cake and Kaworu's eyes. Maybe it isn't right to bring something like that up. It almost feels too special to talk about. Yuta decides to keep it to himself, for now.
"One sided love..." That only makes Yuta feel all the more suspicious. There's only one person Kaworu could be talking about, right? "You're right. Just being near her is enough. Being able to go to class together and hang out is more than a lot of people get."
"I think it'll be okay." For both of us, Yuta adds to himself. "Things will work out the way they're meant to. I read online that the love you feel is never wasted, that it always comes back when you need it. I bet it'll be true for us, as well."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
"I'd like that," Kaworu says, smile turning broader. To be able to share a club with Yuta would make his time at Tsutsujidai High that much more enjoyable.
He laughs a little more at Yuta's comment. "I've already said as much to Shinji, actually. He was rather taken aback." He wouldn't bother saying that to Asuka, though. Asuka would take it as an insult, and as much as Kaworu doesn't like her, he has no desire to go out of his way to pick a fight with her. (For now.)
One-sided love. Whether Yuta suspects it or not, whether he suspects correctly or not, Kaworu won't answer questions that aren't asked of him. When Yuta chooses to focus on the surface of what he says, Kaworu tucks his phone away and nods.
"I agree," he says. "I pray that we'll be able to make Akane understand that in time, too." He rests a hand on Yuta's shoulder and smiles softly anew. "...But in the meantime, you must take care of yourself, Yuta--if nothing else, for the sake of those who care for you. If you need help..."
He lets the thought trail off. It's clear enough, though: if Yuta needs some help getting things in order here, Kaworu will give it. As, of course, his friend.