2022-07-16: Overture
- Log: 2022-07-16- Overture
- Cast: Akane Shinjo, Kaworu Nagisa
- Where: Tsutsujidai High School, Tsutsujidai - Clothing Shop
- OOC - IC Date: 0096-07-16
- Summary: Kaworu checks in on Akane amid the summer swelter.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Akane Shinjo has never been more okay for sure and that is definitely the lesson we're taking away from this one.
She hasn't slept, of course; she's had time to marinate in what she's caused, who she is, who she needs to be now that Tsutsujidai has changed irreparably. (And yet: it still stays exactly the same, of course. Only the absolute minimum adjustments necessary to acknowledge this situation have been made, overnight.)
Even school was no real trouble for her; she's on an obvious improved trajectory, to all appearances. She is so fun and so chatty, but breezes along before making any serious plans, telling Ako and Marusan that she's got some shopping to do alone but she totally wants their opinions on the outfits she picks up once she gets them.
It's fine! It's totally fine. All she needs to do is clean up this mess and then get back to having her perfect little world.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Kaworu hasn't slept either, but that's at least partly because he doesn't need to. He did take the time to get a change of clothing, exchanging his black plug suit for his usual school uniform. The main addition to it is a sling for his right arm and a walking cane for his left. Despite these accomodations, he seems to get around all right--but then, Tsutsujidai is no longer so bound to the ideas of gravity as it once was. It's just easier to get around with an injured leg when to some extent you can simply float your way around.
The changes beyond that are slight, but they are there. Since he's here anyway, he does make an appearance at school. Many of his classmates ask briefly after his injuries, but he laughs them off. Even the teachers don't pry very hard, even though absolutely no one had actually called in to report that something was wrong. The ones who would actually press the matter aren't in his class.
After class... well, it's hardly difficult to track Akane's presence. So when school lets out and she moves to leave Tsutsujidai High, Kaworu will be waiting for her at the gates. He looks up at her with a smile.
"Hi," he says, in that casual way he so often does. Despite his condition. Despite the condition of everything. "May we talk?"
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Real humans don't sleep.
Akane very much, in fact, does not; she hasn't since March of 0095.
Kaworu's presence actually startles her a tiny bit -- not enough to externalize it, but she's genuinely surprised to see him. It's an out-context idea; as far as she'd been concerned, he wasn't going to make it. Seeing him actually show up...
Akane prefers to walk, of course; she doesn't like to subject herself to the places a PLANT's gravity is irrelevant. She clings to the last strands of 'normal,' in spite of herself. Nevertheless:
"Sure! Don't know how much there is to talk about and I've got a ton of ground to cover today," she says, still chatty and pleasant. "But we can hang out a bit!" Her delivery levels off a *bit* as she notes, "I was actually under the impression you might not be coming back." She's moving a little fast for her; she also doesn't seem to have as much interest in sugar-coating the darkness of the outside world in earshot of other people.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Real humans don't sleep. ...Was that how it worked?
Kaworu does feel Akane's startlement, even if she doesn't outwardly look any different. It's an expected reaction, so it's easy to pick up on that sort of thing. How she feels about his presence... that's a little harder.
As she continues to walk, even as she invites him to come with her, he turns and comes along. Despite a tiny limp, he manages to keep pace with her. If it's difficult for him, he doesn't show it. It's hard to say if that's just how he is or if he doesn't want to add to Akane's worries, or maybe both.
"Oh? Who did you hear that from?" he wonders. "It was a close thing, I admit. But I managed to pull through. It's been a curious experience, actually. I'm not usually left with scars."
Yes. Either his would-be killer fails outright, or he's destroyed completely without anything left to bear any scars.
"I thought you would be more upset than this, though," he continues. "Are you trying to pretend nothing is wrong?"
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
"Some of the other NERV operatives came around a little while ago while I was trying to have dinner with a girl in my class," Akane explains, then shrugs a bit. "They were real curious about a bunch of stuff." She doesn't seem that interested in providing the fine details of that interaction beyond what she's already given; an administrator can get that data elsewhere, after all.
It's his follow-up question that has more immediate pressure to it. "Hm? Why would I be upset?" Akane asks, blinking with those wide, round, almost childish eyes. "I mean, sure, things changed in a big way, but how big a deal is that really? It just means now the Vessels of Light are going to start coming to me." As if anticipating the 'why do you think that,' she follows with something that seems obvious to her:
"The nail that sticks out gets hammered down," she notes, with a shrug.
"Anyway, with that in mind I've got a ton of clothes shopping to do," she says, taking a hard right along a side street -- she is heading to a clothing store, at least, and somewhere on the spendy side. "If this is how it's going to be I need to put my best face forward, right?"
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
"I see," Kaworu says. That does indeed explain it; he did read the reports that were made on the matter. Of course, they have a rather different perspective on the matter than she's giving, but they would. "The going theory in NERV right now is that you or someone linked to you is the culprit behind my near-assassination," he adds, conversational in tone. "Don't worry. I know you had nothing to do with it. Even if your 'guardian' was responsible for the kaiju attack that took place on Tokyo-3 shortly thereafter."
His expression does turn a hair more questioning when she stares at him with those wide eyes. It settles at her response. "It is true that, with the Chaos Bringer effect in place, Tsutsujidai is no longer a place that those of the outside world can afford to ignore," he concedes. "But--"
She takes a hard right and cuts him off. Kaworu stumbles a step off his injured right leg, but manages to right himself with his cane and follow with some effort. Acting with a healing injury to be mindful of is a little difficult, it turns out.
"I don't understand," he says. "What do new clothes have to do with anything?" She did say she needs to 'put her best face forward,' but is that really necessary?
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
"Huh. Was he? That makes more sense than what I was thinking, but do you know for sure?" Akane asks. Where weeks ago that might have met with more worry or fear, here that just meets with a verbal shrug. "Anyway, if they think I did it that's fine. I'm sure you can clean that up. Honestly, even if you can't, it's not really my problem."
A boatload of NERV personnel thinking she's taking out their administrators isn't her problem? That's... an interesting definition of not her problem.
"Well, like, if I'm going to be working with BioNet, I need to look the part, right?" She seems singularly fine with this, or at least, there's no... new emotional texture about it, and it certainly doesn't enter her voice. "If I'm going to do science crime, I at least need a lab coat. I might actually go for something flashier... I know those guys in Nouvelle Tokyo go in for like whole samurai regalia and that's a bit much, but you never know! Maybe in a couple years that's totally my speed."
Akane hangs up on particulars. "Of course, a real labcoat would probably get shredded if I got close to the battlefield, so what I'm actually looking for is like, trendy, heavy duty, looks like a labcoat? It's about the vibe."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Kaworu mentally pauses at Akane's blase response--from Alexis's kaiju attack to her not caring about if NERV thinks she's an attempted murderer or not. "Yes, he admitted it to me," he replies, now a hair more cautious. He doesn't respond to the latter. He's not sure how.
He's likewise silent as she goes on about working with BioNet and how she'll need to look the part. She goes on about that for quite a while, as if that's the important thing here. But...
"...Shinjo-san.
"Was he with you while you were watching the battle yesterday?"
No need to ask who 'he' is.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Hm. Interesting. That does make the chart... actually pretty different. But it doesn't really matter, because this information is a step or two too late to affect what she does with that information, so, she moves right along to Kaworu's other question.
"Of course he was. Every time there's been a kaiju attack he's..." She pauses. "He's not really in my room but he's basically in my room. The times he hasn't been he's been on my phone instead, either by text or on voice."
As they approach the clothing store, Akane asks a simple question of her own: "Why?"
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Of course he was, she says, and explains what she means. And much makes more sense to Kaworu now.
"You know why," he tells her quietly. "Even if you're trying to pretend you don't."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
"Hm? Do you expect me to get mad at him or something?" Akane asks, guileless. "Because it doesn't really matter if I am or not." She heads into the store.
She holds the door for Kaworu. Isn't she nice?
"It doesn't change things. Right now what I need to do is kill a Vessel of Light to get this situation fixed, and that means just going with what's going on." Her gaze tracks across the racks and shelves. "Boy, it's a good thing I'm this small. It's easier to buy something oversized and fix that than the other way around, huh."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Kaworu pauses in front of the doorway to fix Akane a long, even stare. It doesn't matter if she's angry at Alexis or not... meaning she is angry? He isn't certain. Her emotions are so... absent.
All the same, he steps through the doorway, cane leading the path before him. He listens to her, and he thinks he might understand. It's so easy to get convinced that you have no other path than the one that was prepared for you.
"Akane Shinjo," he says softly and seriously, no trace of a smile on his lips. "You know I'm a kaiju. Do you want to know for what purpose I was made?"
It might seem like a non-sequitur, but it's nothing of the kind.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Akane turns to face Kaworu, as she pushes coats around the racks.
A little more seriousness reenters her face. Getting outside herself a bit helps her reorient. "... Sure," she answers. "Not really sure why you picked now, but let's hear it."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Why did he pick now? Perhaps once she hears, she'll understand in turn.
"I was made," Kaworu says, "to end the world as you know it."
He lets that hang in the air like a noose for a while. He doesn't turn away from her, whether she continues to shuffle through coats or not.
Then, little by little, his expression gentles, and he smiles. "That's why I was almost assassinated a month ago," he continues. "Someone learned what I am--" or perhaps always knew; he isn't yet completely sure of that much-- "and tried to end me before I could end everything else."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
To her credit: Akane listens.
"Huh," is all she says, while Kaworu lets that hang. It's at least enough to get her to stop shuffling coats. She's clearly listening.
"So, what, we're the same now? Is someone going to assassinate me? I mean that all checks out because Renais pretty much walked right up to the door and then didn't have the guts to get it done but I don't really see where this story changes anything in my life." Still, it does get her curiosity in exactly one sense:
"... Do you actually wanna end the world?"
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Akane listens. Whether she understands or not is unclear; what *is* clear is that she is fully prepared to discard it fully as irrelevant to her life.
Save that she asks that question. And that, hopefully, will be enough. Because...
"No," Kaworu replies, clear and unhesitating. And then: "Do you actually want to kill anyone?"
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
"No, but I want to be safe and this is the only way to get from here to there," Akane answers. There's actually more than that, mind... a lot more. Akane promised the people of Tsutsujidai a safer world -- as much as she did herself.
Now they're subject to all the cruelties of this one.
But that's a concern too heavy for Akane for now, so she instead says, "I don't think what you are means you have to do anything." She understands, on some level, what Kaworu's trying to do -- but she has to pry herself away from it.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Akane makes her opinions on the matter plain, as well as what she wants to do and what she feels she must do.
Kaworu smiles.
"Precisely so," he replies. "I have no intention of carrying out the mission for which I was made. For all their flaws, I love the Earth and those who dwell upon it. I want to protect them. And that is what I have chosen to do, to the very end."
He takes a small step closer to her. "You are not trapped. You are freer than you assume yourself to be. You may believe that you have no other choice than to follow the path you are on now, but that's not true. No more than it is for me."
He releases his grip on his cane, which rolls in towards the crook of his elbow as he extends his left hand towards Akane. The wristwatch he wore there once is gone now. "...Akane," he says--the first time, perhaps, that he's addressed her by her first name alone. "Please... don't do this to yourself. Please let me help you--as your friend. There's still time."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Akane thinks for several seconds. It's... seductive, to imagine herself in Kaworu's shoes. Choosing to defy what other people have set out for her. But Kaworu... well, it sounds like making another one of him is impossible.
Akane, though. Akane Shinjo, though. Alexis... could replace her. Alexis could always find another lost, lonely girl. He already has found other lost, lonely girls -- girls with strange eyes and strange hearts.
"Sorry!" she offers, tone bright. "No deal. It's this or bust. Always one step behind, Kaworu! You and Sayla and Renais should start a support group about it or something. I bet Gridman would have fun with that, too."
Plucking a white coat with just a *tinge* of pink that goes a little ways down her thigh from the racks, she asks -- as if Kaworu weren't begging her for something better: "Does this vibe?"
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Kaworu waits for her. He's very good at waiting--maybe too good, as it often becomes his standard action. He feels her long silence as she thinks it over, before she ultimately chirps out a refusal and goes back to picking out a new look for her new science crime life. Kaworu's smile fades to neutral... but he doesn't withdraw his hand.
Him and Sayla and Renais... and Gridman--Yuta. She knows so many people who are trying to help her, who care about her. Is she truly so convinced that she can't turn back?
"You said that you want to be safe. What you're doing now will not accomplish that," he tells her quietly. "You already know that 'that man' doesn't have your best interests at heart. Going along with what he says will only guide you further down the path of destruction, the opposite of what you claim to desire. So why?"
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Kaworu presses, and presses, and presses. Akane has been trying so hard to keep herself in check -- so hard to just... accept the way things are now. Kaworu keeps picking at a wound.
(He's trying to dress that wound. But the distinction, at the moment, is lost on her.)
Akane's head inclines slightly; the store lights cast her eyes in deep shadow underneath her bangs. "It doesn't matter. I'll crush him too, if I have to," Akane answers. "But the only way to put my city where it's supposed to be is to kill a Vessel of Light." She tilts her head up slightly, fixing Kaworu with her gaze.
"This world wasn't meant to be part of this one."
She finally looks down at the hand. Then the wrist. "Looks like you're getting used to disconnecting, too, so maybe you should shut up and learn to cope."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
If nothing else, Kaworu has reached a point past Akane's bubbly attempt to brush him away. Now, instead, she sheds her dismissive demeanor and tries on a hostile one. To try to hurt him, and in doing so, push him away. She does hurt him, too; and she can see it in the way his fingers curl in towards his palm, the way his red eyes dim, the way it takes him a moment to speak again.
He takes in a little breath. He doesn't withdraw his hand. He steps a little bit closer, favoring his right leg. "Kill a Vessel of Light, and all will be well again... Is that what 'he' told you?" he wonders, holding her gaze. "If you know you can't trust him, then you should know that you mustn't follow along with what he says. But if you want to dismiss him... that's fine. Clinging to him will only make you suffer even more."
Another tiny, shuffling step. "I've long since been used to disconnecting. I've long held my silence and accepted things as they are. So I understand how you feel. That's why I want to help you. I don't want you to suffer like I do. I'm sorry that it took this long for me to say so directly. But Akane... you can still turn back. You don't need to do this. Please, trust me."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Turning herself away from Kaworu entirely, now, Akane continues changing tacks. "Of course it is. But he set up the situation, so of course he knows how it works," Akane answers, cold. "I keep telling you you're too late."
She takes a step away from Kaworu, in time with the one he takes toward her.
"Save someone you can save and leave me alone. Rikka's got whole season backstage passes for two for the next year plus of Sheryl Nome concerts. If you want to do something that's going to matter, get her to figure out how to use them."
... then again... Rikka won't leave her, probably. She was set up that way.
Akane shakes her head. "This is your last warning. Your options are help me shop or get out." She doesn't underline the implicit threat, but her tone makes it clear there is one.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
"Even if he set up the situation, that doesn't mean he's telling you the truth. He wants you to suffer. In which case, wouldn't it make sense for him to tell you a lie and watch you despair?" Kaworu points out. It may be true that she's right and it's too late... that they've already reached a point of no return in terms of Tsutsujidai. There have been changes in this space even beyond what can be seen. But is it too late for her?
That's a more difficult question. Even if Akane tries to make it very simple. However... there's something else that Kaworu has read from this conversation so far. It may be projection, but...
"...If your intent is to die, there are easier ways to go about it," he points out quietly. "That said... you're truly kind, aren't you? Even as you face your own destruction, you think of those you care about." She steps away; he thinks of how it felt during the descent to Terminal Dogma, and once again pursues. "Whatever else you think of yourself, that is you."
She refuses him. She threatens him. She makes it clear his help is unwelcome. He does, finally, lower his hand, cane rolling back into his palm. But he doesn't turn away. "...I haven't ended the world. But I have caused the deaths of hundreds of millions of Lilim. Viewed like that, my would-be assassin was justified in trying to kill me. Even so, there is no sin that can't be atoned for. For me... and for you."
With that, he falls silent, gaze lingering upon her.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Kaworu... makes it so hard for her to give up.
Right now, though -- the wound is so raw, and it's carved into the whole universe. Kaworu points out the logical inference, and she doesn't engage with it... she doesn't know the answer to it herself, right now, anyway.
Another step away. "This world... was supposed to be kind." Akane wants desperately to dodge this question, wants so badly to eject from the conversation entirely.
She doesn't even realize how clear an answer she's given.
She continues to shuffle away from Kaworu without further hesitation. "We're not going to be meeting as friends anymore," she says, and while she doesn't snarl out loud, Kaworu can feel the snarl behind the words.
"... You're still welcome to stick around school, though."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
This world was supposed to be kind.
"First you must learn to be kind to yourself," Kaworu points out gently.
Still... she tried to threaten him, and when he stood his ground, this is the worst she could muster. She truly is a kind person. He continues to smile at her, eyes gentle and expression fond, no matter how much he can feel the snarl behind her sentiment. Because he also understands her answer.
"Thank you," he says simply. "I still think of you as a friend, Akane. Whenever you're ready for it, I will be there for you."
Even if he can't reach her right now, there is still hope. He wants to make sure she knows that, too.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
"You are so stupid," Akane hisses at Kaworu. "Do whatever you want."
She finishes moving on, then; for now, there's absolutely nothing she can say to Kaworu but what she's already said, and she has no real interest -- yet -- in just screaming it at him over and over until he leaves.
Besides! She has questions she needs to ask about the coat.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Kaworu simply laughs a little, smile broadening as his eyes squint gently shut. "I will," he promises.
She focuses back on the coat. For now, he lets her, slowly giving her space step by step, then turning and seeing himself out.
After this... he'll need to meet with Yuta, Shinji, and the others, and tell them all he can.