2022-07-12: Call

• Log: Call
• Cast: Anti, Nidaime
• Where: Kamesan Park, Tsutsujidai
• Date: 2022-07-12
• Summary: Anti calls out for Nidaime, but he can't quite bring himself to accept her help. Nidaime tries to heal Anti, but she finds she can't quite fix him. They both share what they wish they could be -- healer and knight.

---

<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.

        Anti moves through Kamesan Park as if it were his home -- in many ways, it is. He has a tree he sleeps in, which holds a bag with his stored food. He has a water fountain to drink from, and a garbage can to forage from. It isn't much, but...

        He found it, made it, all on his own.

        He looks down at his hands, his sin-black hands hidden under white gloves. If Ako hadn't taught him how to change his appearance...

        He hasn't been moving forward just on his own.

        And now he has a plan, he...

        Anti promised. He promised, but Nidaime didn't. Anti can't expect something like this to work. Not after he's been telling her to leave him alone -- not after avoiding her so long.

        He stands alone in the park for a long time.

        He tells himself he is not afraid, to quiet the crawling in his palms.

        Finally, he takes a breath.

        "The Second... the Second!" Anti says, and then calls, greater volume following the lesser. "Come here!" Anti calls, and then says, lesser volume following the greater: "... come here."

        One foot lifts, to scratch at his opposite heel, and perhaps he looks uncomfortable because he's lost someone. Perhaps that's why his hand reaches over, to grasp his opposite wrist.

        Opening up like this...

<Pose Tracker> Nidaime has posed.

Nidaime couldn't call for Anti. Not with words. Every time she tried the words wouldn't come out. Perhaps despite everything, she can't bring herself to trample over his desires? Or maybe she just doesn't want to endure that kind of pain. It's been a rough couple months for the Kaiju Girl because Kaworu, too, had been shot--maybe even killed. Nidaime got Kaworu-blood on her shoes. She has since decided to stop wearing shoes.

The most movement she made in Tsutsujidai was helping Guy Shishioh out with some much needed exposition but then, eventually, she is alone once again.

Or is she?

The Second... the Second!

Nidaime wasn't expecting it at this point but she doesn't get too far from the park most days. Nidaime pokes her head out from around a street corner, looking right at Anti--hesitant at first like any stray--or maybe slowly like any turtle.

But she does step fully into view, putting her hands in her jacket pockets like she's still kind of sore about how they parted last time and intends to be a bit pouty about it......!! But she actually doesn't have it in her to keep that up as she finally turns her head to look at Anti directly--And then gives Anti a big smile. It's okay, she played hard to get like the TV said for 4.5 seconds...! That oughta do it!

"Anti...!" She beams jogging over to him. "How've you been? Is everything alright? Um about before..."

Out of the corner of her eye she sees Anti reaching for his wrist. Her eyes slant towards it as she trails off.

<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.

        Kaworu? Anti only met him the once.

        He notices that Nidaime isn't wearing shoes, but only because someone taught him about changing his appearance.

        She was wary... well, he can't blame her for that.

        His fingers grasp his wrist.

        "...", he says, because Nidaime isn't the only one who can't always make words come out. He closes his mouth; his lips press to a line. He watches her, with that intense expression, for a long and quiet moment.

        "No." He says, without preamble.

        "It isn't." All right.

<Pose Tracker> Nidaime has posed.

Nidaime looks at Anti's hand rather than Anti's face. Is he hurt?

Nidaime's feet have gotten a bit cracked from having to walk around barefoot all the time but it seems to be mostly a byproduct of no longer having shoes. She moves onto the grass which is more comfortable but she isn't in any rush to get replacement shoes. She's avoiding it.

Of course everything isn't alright, she thinks dismally. She reaches for her earbuds, removing one from her ear so she can hear Anti better. She doesn't offer it yet.

"Can I...help? Do you----want help? I heard you calling... But--if you don't want me around, I understand. I want to help Akane but the way I want to help Akane isn't the way Akane wants so..."

An impasse there by the sound of it. He's as talkative as ever, but she knows he's a good guy right? He would be, if given the opportunity at least.

<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.

        Anti looks at Nidaime's feet, in turn, as she moves to the grass. He hears her asking all those questions. He hears the quality of one of them, in particular --

        Asking if he wants help.

        He's quiet, for a span, again. He goes to the grass.

        He sits down. There's a glimpse of something, between wrist and glove, as he moves from one position to the other in the least amount of movements possible. He calls no attention to the grey. He's hiding it.

        "I..." Anti starts, hands folding over each other, grasping.

        "Know how to help." The momentary hesitation in his voice dissipates, and this sentence is complete. "I made a kaiju. It's Akane Shinjo. And us. I'll copy him... and it will explain everything. Telling her won't do anything. She has to realise it herself."

        Anti frowns, a little shudder through his shoulders, grit teeth. His voice comes lower, and only after a glance, back and forth through the empty park. Even if it's just to soothe his nerves...

        "Help me. They should be there. We've never just crushed Gridman. There's always been someone in the way."

<Pose Tracker> Nidaime has posed.

Nidaime has a helper's instinct but Anti taught her that sometimes someone doesn't want help and if you try to force it...

Anti sits down. Nidaime just kind of flops over onto her back, bringing her knees up like--yeah, this actually is a lot like a turtle. She wiggles from side to side like she's trying to get back onto all fours but she doesn't get on all fours at all! She just sort of holds position. Her eyes keep slanting towards Anti's wrist. She hasn't gotten a good look but it's giving her an uneasy feeling.

I made a kaiju

"...You can make kaiju...?" Nidaime asks. Nidaime has heard of kaiju that might have kaiju it spawns or kaiju minions but she's never heard of a kaiju making a kaiju of the heart before.

She manages to flop onto her side, looking at Anti betwixt blades of grass. Anti is speaking vaguely like he's hesitant to actually say it, or maybe he--yes--wants her to figure it out?

Let's break it down. The kaiju being Akane Shinjo and Anti is coherent enough to Nidaime. Kaiju of the heart no doubt reflect their creators. And Anti will copy that kaiju and....it will explain everything?

Nidaime starts with that. "You wish to communicate to Akane through kaiju." Nidaime says. "So she realizes the truth herself?"

She hadn't thought of that before. Well, that kind of method was outside her ability. Could it work?

But if it hurts people--they can be brought back.... But isn't thinking like that the real problem here? There's no guarantee--

But before she comments on that she should make sure she understands Anti's goal here so she leaves it aside for now. "Do I understand so far?"

<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.

        "Mm," Anti nods, once.

        "The kaiju seeds... they're growing where Akane sleeps. I took one. Gave it a shape. Like they did to me," no one told him those words in exactly that order, but he's a quick study, staring into their exposed hearts.

        He can explain that much, since Nidaime asked.

        "Yes." He nods, once again. "I'll communicate to Akane Shinjo through kaiju. Whatever I tell her, he will tell her something else. And... she won't listen to me," Anti admits, a little more pained, a little more quiet.

        "When we're together, she deals with her feelings in one way. It was... different, after Sayla Mass spoke to her, but... not better." Anti can tell that Akane is trying something different, in her violence. If only that were enough.

        If only it were less terrifying.

        "She doesn't want it explained to her. She's desperate to look at the world. She wants to figure out how it works." They're verbal knives Akane threw at Anti, but...

        "I'll show her."

<Pose Tracker> Nidaime has posed.

NIdaime is learning more about how other people engaged Tsutsujidai. Her eyes widen faintly upon hearing that one such person was Sayla--and she even talked to Akane personally. That could have been dangerous. Even if Sayla registered to Akane as real... If Akane hadn't been pushed to a corner in some capacity, Tsutsujidai would have never happened right?

She wiggles in her position a few times before rolling back onto her hands and knees.

"...Sayla's brother and a good friend of hers named Amuro Ray." Nidaime explains to Anti in what might seem like a non-sequitor. "He was stopping an asteroid from hitting Earth--the outside world. He came to this world in the process but another way of putting it--is to say he died."

Nidaime looks down at her hands.

Can a kaiju help?

"And you want me to stop others from interfering in the fight."

Can she even do that? Even if she wanted to, the truth is...

"...Is your hand okay?" She asks.

<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.

        "Oh." Anti nods, when Nidaime tells him about the people related to Sayla. Credulously: "I haven't seen them."

        There are certain implications about that which he'll process in time.

        He shakes his head -- just once, again -- when the turtle-on-her-back concludes that he wants them not to interfere. "No. They should fight. If Akane Shinjo sees this alone, she'll bury it. But they're getting in the way. If they see, they won't let her forget."

        His hands tighten, in his lap.

        "I'll use them to fight this battle, too. I'll adapt any weapon I need."

        A battle against...

        There's that glimpse of grey, again, as his hands tighten over each other, as he justifies his efforts as anything but trust.

        He frowns, down to his hands. "... Kaworu Nagisa said I should hide it." Anti explains, gravel-gruff.

<Pose Tracker> Nidaime has posed.

"It's bigger than just Tsutsujidai." Nidaime says but she doesn't press that particular matter any further.

But it seems she'd been getting the wrong idea all along. This isn't about trying to get that duel or fight against Gridman. At least, not entirely. "Okay I'll let them know to be ready... Dad can fight but I have never managed it myself."

"You've really grown." Nidaime admits but then she gets a better look at those grey wrists. Maybe Anti has grown more than she knew, seperated as she has been.

She unshoulders her bag, fishing through it. IT didn't work last time, she thinks, but maybe this time she can at least help with this. She tries to keep measured rather than express the desperation in her heart as she her mind keeps pulling back towards that man who...

...Who killed her original family. Max. Alan. Nassius. Tris. He didn't do it with his own hands, he used a plague and they had people to save. They made the choice that many humans made before. And now they're not of Sayla's world--but rather her own.

And yet, still, far from her reach.

"I don't understand," She admits of those hands. "They shouldn't be affecting you at all. The man who brought those Cells to Earth only wanted them to infect--Humans..."

Humans.

She draws out her baton in her free hand and reaches for Anti's hand. Her movement is gentle, as if afraid she might startle someone who has just now finally returned to a world in which she can also live in. "But it's moving slower than normal." She murmurs. Anti can see the worry in her eyes. "It didn't work last time maybe I can heal it."

<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.

        Anti frowns, tugging his sleeve down over his gloves.

        That's not entirely what Kaworu told him to do, after all -- but it's more convenient for him if he hides it. He doesn't want to talk about it. He doesn't want anyone to see.

        He doesn't want her to see.

        He doesn't want her to see the way his fingers twitch in, against each other, as Nidaime says they're cells which infect humans. He doesn't want her to see the way his teeth grit, at the reminder, stabbing into his heart.

        His grip is tight. But he sees what's in her eyes, too, and -- painfully, deliberately -- he releases his fingers from his own grip, so Nidaime can take his hand.

        His eyes dart in the opposite direction. Searching for an exit, perhaps.

        "Getting rid of those marks..." Anti frowns. "Fine. That's what Kaworu Nagisa said. But it doesn't bother me."

        Pause. "It shouldn't bother me. I'm a kaiju. The first time, it didn't bother me." That's not entirely true. He calls it true enough. "But, at the colony..." He remembers fighting them. He borrowed their movements, so he could operate the machine. He came to that machine wanting...

        Anti's eyes close shut.

        "Alexis Kerib beat me." He doesn't know the word for shame; even so, he is ashamed. "But so long as I'm a kaiju, it doesn't hurt. I'm a kaiju, so I can handle it. This is... my own fault."

        How is it his fault, when that man beat him?

<Pose Tracker> Nidaime has posed.

Nidaime, at least, does not see the way his teeth grit. She can feel it, but she can't see it. The DG Cells do not crawl up Nidaime's hand, even when she's touching them. This is a good thing! But Nidaime can't help but realize what that means.

Is this your answer, Anti?

Can she follow you?

The music in her ear shifts.

BGM: https:''www.youtube.comwatch?v=Sd5zBcJFELI&ab_channel=AurelioVoltaire-Topic

The music often answers her doubts, Nidaime thinks, like a mother reassuring a child in a big world that they are unprepared for.

"Kaworu Nagisa got hurt," Nidaime murmurs. "So we might not see him for a while. I couldn't heal him but he thanked me for trying."

A hint of tears in her eyes. "But maybe it'll work this time...!"

She points the baton. There's a pink-purple sputter, a spark--

--closer.

But not there yet. The glow fades before anything meaningful can be healed. Even if the DG Cells pulled back for a moment, they soon return to their prior configuration.

Nidaime's shoulders slump. "Mom... What am I doing wrong?"

There's no answer. Nidaime's fingers tense around the baton. She wants to yell. She needs more help than this or she's going to lose her precious people.

Alexis Kerib beat him. "Kaworu knew a lot about him." She mumbles.

....But he beats Anti.

"....How is it your fault?"

She's sullen but wouldn't you be if you couldn't help someone even though you should be able to?

<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.

        Anti doesn't blame Nidaime, as the spark splutters out. The cells sneak back, briefly -- the edges returning to their original configuration, dark grey near to black -- but the metallic colour reasserts itself.

        "I... can't accept it," he explains, gruff, hesitant. Help, perhaps. He doesn't quite manage to pull his hand back, though. "I'll get rid of this on my own."

        ... he's always kind of overcast, so he won't begrudge Nidaime for being sullen, either.

        "Because I took Alexis Kerib's help... I brought this on myself," Anti explains, frowning. "I wanted to fight... but she wouldn't give me the order. Even knowing him, I still used it."

        His gaze shifts down, to the grass.

        "Maybe I wanted to be a knight. It doesn't matter now. I'll make this work."

<Pose Tracker> Nidaime has posed.

Nidaime looks down at the hand. She's hesitant to pull away, infected though it might be. It doesn't reach out to her. She's not nearly human enough.

But she knows what she wants to be. So why can't she? What's getting in her way? She SHOULD be able to do this. That's why she's here, isn't it?

She says, "Alright. I'll keep trying." Maybe she could get her dad to help? Her dad is able to wield the Fixer Breath. That might be enough. She'll ask him after. If it's proceeding this slowly, maybe there will be time.

"Kaworu Nagisa said he wasn't always like this." Nidaime admits. "That he became this way after living a really long time and losing the bond that was most important to him."

Maybe I wanted to be a knight.

Nidaime looks up into Anti's eyes. She stares at them. There's a resonance with her, the way he says it like that.

"I'm sure," Nidaime says, with absolute conviction. "That you can be a knight. It might not be easy but... I'm sure you can do it."

She smiles, "I want to be a healer. Like Auntie Sayla. I guess it isn't easy becoming what you want to be."

<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.

        Maybe there'll be time.

        Maybe Kaworu knew so much about Alexis because...

        Anti puts all those concerns aside to look at Nidaime without blinking or turning away. There's something in his construction -- of maybe, of wanting -- which sours the grapes of his statement, makes it a thing he cannot reach.

        Even so, Nidaime is sure he can.

        "If that's what you want --" he starts, and shakes his head, once, twice. "If that's what we want." A more difficult statement; a more honest one. "Change to become it."

        There's an operative word, in that sentence. Maybe it's the same reason why Anti is being colonised by these cells, and Nidaime is still safe.

        "Tsutsujidai isn't fixed any more. Healing is another way to repair. The Second, you should keep going." Anti insists, in that stiff manner of his. "... I won't stop, either."

<Pose Tracker> Nidaime has posed.

If that's what we want.

"...Yeah," Nidaime smiles. "...We can define who we are." That is something she knows to be true. Even with those DG Cells infecting Anti, perhaps even then Anti can still find the way to define himself and free himself from that curse. One way or another, she has to keep striving... Even if she might not be quite as quick a learner as Anti. She wasn't designed to learn quick, to mimic.

"Okay," She says softly. "I believe in you."

And then, a hesitant show of that faith--she does eventually, slowly, let go of that hand.

"Good luck, Knight~." She says, in that singsongy way and giving Anti her most brilliant smile. In the end it's up to him--just as it is up for her to be who she wants to be too. That doesn't mean she can't be encouraging though.

The pact is sealed: Neither of them will stop. Not until they get there at least.

<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.

        There's that concept, again... belief. Trust.

        Something he can't grasp -- something he tears apart in the holding.

        But, Nidaime calling him something like that...

        It isn't a bad feeling. His hands pull back to himself, because they hurt, but he still can't call it bad.

        He nods, to her smile.

        He echoes: "... good luck," and learns a new word. (Two words.)

        "I have to keep moving." He insists, as he replaces his glove, as he pushes his hand to the grass. "There's more I have to do."

        Anti pauses, standing in the grass, looking to the younger turtle. "... it was... kind, of you, to come when I called." Another word he's learned, in the process of becoming himself.

        He pauses, for a moment, watches her still -- and then he keeps walking.

        Can he believe in her? Anti doesn't know. He doesn't know if he can. But she won't stop. He's sure of that much.

<Pose Tracker> Nidaime has posed.

Nidaime will call him Knight. If someone tells you they want to be called something you call them that.

And frankly. Calling him 'Knight' isn't a bad feeling for her either.

Maybe this is a piece of what she's been missing, Nidaime thinks. Healing others isn't about shaping them into what you want them to be. That's what Akane has been doing all this time, hasn't it? Just doing the same but telling yourself it's more prosocial...that's not the way to be.

No, perhaps healing others isn't really about being the one who heals. Perhaps the 'healed' state is what people naturally want to be...and her job, her aim--is to just be someone who helps people find their healed state. Isn't that what Sayla did for her? It feels right.

So she does not take that hand again, but--all the same--she says, "I will always come looking when you call," her own promise. "I'm playful though." She doesn't define that so Anti can learn what that means someday for himself.

She watches him. She watches him watching her.

And she watches him walking away.

"Knight...~" She says and then covers her face into quiet little giggles. She will be like that for a while until the flush fades from her cheeks. There is something to do.