2022-06-22: Sorry Means So Much
- Log: 2022-06-22: Sorry Means So Much
- Cast: Excellen Browning, Emilia Eschonbach
- Where: Ashford Academy, Nagoya, Area 11
- OOC - IC Date: 21 June, 0096
- Summary: Excellen Browning tries to pick up with Emilia where they left off eight years ago. But sometimes focusing so much on the future means you don't realize how raw the wounds of the past are.
<Pose Tracker> Excellen Browning has posed.
Today is a day that has been nearly a decade in the making! And it was also a day that almost didn't happen. Truth be told there's a lot that has happened since New Yark got Getter'd into just being a forlorn memory that has given Excellen Browning reason to not think about the past too much. She lost her home, she lost her mama, and she even nearly lost her own life to a freak shuttle accident. As such, to maintain her bouncy and energetic vibes, she often focuses her energy on the present and the future rather than the past!!
... at least that was the case until, out of nowhere, a ghost of said past came back to haunt her. A spectre with slightly floofy lavender hair, a nervous stammer, and eyes as wide as dinnerplates. From the very beginning Excellen felt a tickle originating from those memories she thought were long buried. It took her allowing herself time to look back into the old photos on her phone, to remember the places and people she lost, to find the face and the name of the one who came back to her.
There isn't much left of Excellen's old clothes. A lot of what she had, she had to leave behind in the evacuation from the city. One of the few articles she kept with her is an old dark blue baseball cap with a stylized white 'NY' sewn onto the front of it. She battles with her own floofy hair (whose floof cannot be denied, only delayed), and carefully negotiates her wavy blonde ponytail through the gap in the back. She dresses herself in a pair of jean shorts with black leggings, a black tank-top and her typical white and red pilot's jacket.
A short time later she has arrived at Antonio's Real* New Yark Style Pizzeria in Nagoya. A pizza chain, and one whose * claims Excellen is ready to debate to the point of exhaustion with anyone who listens... but it is the closest thing to home in convenient walking distance. Walking out of the store with a large box of hot grease, carbs, and comfort she continues on her way...
... earlier Excellen had scouted out Ashford Academy to find out more about Emilia's current circumstances, and to learn what she could before trying to meet up with her. There she met a lovely and effervescent personage in the form of Milly Ashford. The two hit it off immediately of course. And it is thanks to them and their (exhaustive) conversation that Excellen knows where to go today. She hadn't planned more than this honestly. Just a box full of love, an old cap, and a reunion with a friend she had thought lost long ago. But as she arrives at the door, even someone as confident as Excellen hesitates for a moment. She can't help but remember the OTHER Eschnobach. His name, too, came up in Milly's meeting. It's a name she didn't like, but now fills her with such anger it causes her normally-steady snipers hands to shake while clutching the pizza box.
Could she possibly be ready to face that? What he did to that sweet shy girl for all those years.
No, the past is the past! It's time for a better, a brighter future and no time like the present to get started on that! With her nerves quieted Excellen carefully balances the pizza box in one hand, and knocks!
<Pose Tracker> Emilia Eschonbach has posed.
Emilia has just gotten back from a clandestine trip to Side 3, and is... honestly pretty tired. There were a lot of good things that happened, but some very confronting things too. So she's been resting up and catching up on schoolwork. She needs to talk to the history professor too.
But when there's a knock on the door she blinks. She... wasn't expecting anyone. And Milly tends to open the door after announcing herself. Cautiously, she takes off her cheap headphones, and places them on her desk. She walks to the door and opens it.
And the she blinks seeing a pizza girl- no. Not a pizza girl. Her. Why is she here? Emmy tries to feign lack of recognition, but that boat has sailed. "I-I... d-d-didn't order. A-a-a-anyth-thing." She says, a touch coldly. "I th-th-think you. H-have the, um, th-the wr--ong dorm."
<Pose Tracker> Excellen Browning has posed.
"Antonio's Real New Yark Style Pizzeria!! Delivery for Emmy~!" Excellen announces loudly as the door creeps open, as if she could force open both the door to the dorm and the locked door to Emilia's heart with a simple show of exuberance. If she has noticed the coldness to her voice she makes no attempt to show it.
Though what are the odds that a talented marksman has missed a detail like that, however minor?
"Oh? You didn't order anything?" Excellen plucks the ticket from atop the box and makes a show of examining it closely. "Thaaaat's weird~!" She shows the ticket to the girl, "It says this is a special delivery for someone named Emmy~chan!" And indeed the order name listed on the check has 'Emmy-chan' printed there, alongside more than a few grease stains. "Are you not Emmy~chan? Maybe someone sent it to you as a prank... but that's weird, looks like someone already paid for you!"
And there it is, at the bottom, printed for the world to say: Paid by Card Name Excellen Browning. And just below that, signed in perhaps the most sickeningly flourishing cursive, is 'Exe-neesama'
"Maybe you have a guardian angel out there looking out for you~! Well... a guardian angel that cheated me out of a delivery fee and tip." Excellen feigns shock and outrage, "But that's fine, maybe since I came all this way you might invite me in and share a few bites. It's an awful lot of pizza for just one little girl, y'know!! Don't wanna ruin that adorable figure."
But Excellen doesn't move any further than the threshold of the door. Instead she asks, gently, "Well? Are you going to invite me in?" Those blue eyes show a depth hidden by her usual bubbly nature. That of a woman who is looking very genuinely at someone who, until recently, she thought was dead.
And one who would be very deeply hurt if that same person tried to force her away.
<Pose Tracker> Emilia Eschonbach has posed.
Excellen's overblown show might be working, but not for the reasons she might hope. Every time she calls her Emmy-chan, it feels like a twist of the knife. The thought that someone sent it to her as a prank... Well she thinks the prank is from the woman in front of her. The woman who abandoned her. The Exe-neesama on the signature is another jab. She has to know what she's doing.
And then the comment of a Guardian Angel makes Emmy look up, anger in her eyes, near boiling over. It's only then that she sees what's in Excellen's eyes. She closes her eyes. And sighs. "C-c-come in." Excellen will keep making a scene, and that will draw attention and bullies and...
Of course she's already associating with a quarter meltrandi, that's enough to infuriate some of her dorm mates. And Grandfather, probably. If it didn't have such a chance of hurting her, she wouldn't mind being a walking scandal that hurt him.
Emmy steps back to let Excellen in, then closing the door and letting her pick a place to sit. She stands, stepping a bit aay from her. Arms crossed, defensively. "M-m-m-miss B-browning... W-w-w-why a-are. Y-you. H-h-h-h-here?" She asks, struggling to force the words out. She's gotten so much worse since she was a little girl. And she definitely remembers Excellen.
That's maybe the problem.
<Pose Tracker> Excellen Browning has posed.
For a brief terrible second, Excellen thought she was about to have a box full of hot greasy pizza flung in her face.
While the implications of such a radical gesture would have horrifying implications for her complexion (zits... burns?!), what's worse than that is the anger she sees in the girl's eyes. Anger. She had expected to see many things tonight. Fear? Always. Sadness? Of course. Tearful relief and gratitude? She could hope. For that moment it's Excellen's eyes that are wide as dinner plates.
... and it stings almost as bad as having a pizza flung in your face.
For the rare moment then, Excellen is quiet. She is trying to search her memory about what she might have done wrong, then or now. It's a long time ago but she can't remember anything that terrible occurring between the two of them: They snuck out together, had pizza, and Excellen had suggested she would come again sometime. And she tried: Every week for months she had come by asking Joseph's staff if Emilia was there and ...
... oh...
At this point, she almost wants to fling the pizza in her own face. Of course. How could she have been so blind? She knew what kind of man Joseph was from her mama, even then, but she just sort of assumed that... well... his people at least would be honest and up front with her. Every time she went though she was told Emilia wasn't there, and she remembers cheerfully leaving a message or even her phone number so they could get back in touch. She never heard anything. And now she is pretty sure she knows why.
She doesn't want to show how much this revelation stings her though. She knows however badly Joseph may have hurt HER, that what he has done to Emilia is no doubt a thousand times worse. It fills her with an anger that, unlike Emilia's, isn't hot to the point it might boil over. Instead it is cold. Ice cold. Cold enough that she can keep it and preserve it in her heart until she meets the man himself face to face.
... that is going to be a brutally frosty day.
"Miss Browning, huh?" Excellen feigns sounding hurt, albeit playfully, "Though I guess it has been a long time right?! But I remember all those years ago we promised each other that we would get together again some time to have another slice together! Unfortunately we're far from home and well... home isn't really an option for either of us anymore regardless... BUT!! I was hoping both of us could settle for the next best thing, and maybe catch up a little?"
She sets the pizza down on the table and opens it. At least it looks familiar: That classic, hand tossed crust smeared with a thin layer of red sauce and covered in a generous helping of (probably not that) fresh mozarella cheese. Thin slices of greasy pepperoni forming island amid that bubbling sea. She allows Emmy to pick the first slice, of course, while moving to sit down on her bed - shrugging out of her pilot's jacket and tossing it aside leaving her in naught but her tank-top, shorts and leggings.
<Pose Tracker> Emilia Eschonbach has posed.
This is the problem when someone else controls all the information. But Emilia can't see what's in Excellen's emotions or memories. She can only see her own, clouded by darkness and cruel worlds. Emilia contionues to stare at her, not really understanding the casualness. It's like she's still the 15 year old girl who- who....
She doesn't reach for the pizza. It looks better than C.C.'s abominations, certainly. Probably the closest you can get. But this isn't about the pizza. There's still answers she has to get. Answers or... or...
"S-s-s-stop p-p-pretending like. E-e-e-e-e-everything's. O. O. O-okay!" She finally... not shouts, but certainly exclaims, confusion and anger and hurt and despair all spilling out. "I-I-It's n-n-not..." Her words seize up on her, her face turns away. It's so much all at once. Talking about those memories, talking about that lost place like it's agonizing to remember.
That's the problem when someone who thinks for the present finds someone who has been locked up in the past.
"I th-th-thought. Th-th-that." It's so hard. That day, on that day, had been one of the happiest in her life. But the promise they'd do it again, soon. That promise never coming true. Tears start streaming from Emmy's eyes, more emotion than she can handle. But she learnt a lesson from that day and the day Getter Robo and the Dinosaur Empire killed New Yark.
Anyone, anything she clung to too tightly would slip forever from her grasp.
Milly had done a lot to help ease that lesson, and now it's at the forefront of her mind. The people she needed to keep growing would disappear. Milly, Kallen, Ranka...
"Y-y-y-you aband--oned m-me... I th-th-th-thought I'd.... I-I'd... I'd finally m-made my f-f-f-first ever f-f-f-f-f-friend... A-a-a-and then...." It hurts so much. So much. A scabbed over wound scraped to reveal that it's infected.
She's sobbing now, her face streaked with tears, her eyes reddening already, as she looks at Excellen. And with so much hurt, so much misery in her voice, Emilia finally asks. "W-w-why?"
<Pose Tracker> Excellen Browning has posed.
'S-s-s-stop p-p-pretending like. E-e-e-e-e-everything's. O. O. O-okay!'
Excellen stops immediately at those words. Even for someone like her, someone who meets every challenge and every obstacle with a chaotic glee that is hard to emulate... this stops her cold. She isn't just some giggling bubbly blonde bimbo, in spite of what some of her (previous) commanders have written up in their scathing paperwork regarding her. She's actually a bright, and emotionally intelligent young woman. And that emotional intellignece is telling her something right now:
Stop, look, and listen.
And it hurts her too. It hurts to see Emilia sobbing, eyes red, accusing her in anger and in pain of abandoning her. She wants to tell her that it's not true. That it's not fair. That she'd never do such a thing. But she knows, in her heart of hearts, that this is what Emmy actually feels. Whether it's because of something Joseph told her... or if she simply came to this conclusion on her own, it doesn't matter. To Emilia it's Real.
And when she is done, and asks her the most important question of all, Excellen finally begins to move. She stands slowly and methodically. She approaches too, but carefully while watching Emilia's motions to make sure this won't trigger something even worse from her.
Once she is within a few steps of her she stares Emmy in the eyes. They are different now. No longer full of vivacious energy but instead deep and tranquil... and... sad? It's bizarre to see Excellen looking sad. It's not an expression she has ever wanted to wear again after all. Not sense the day she went to her mama's wake. Just her, her papa, a few relatives that has escaped New Yark with them and a picture of her mama on a black draped table.
... the Getter Detonation had scattered her ashes already.
"I'm sorry." are the first words out of Excellen's mouth. And with that she will move to gently take Emilia into her arms. Holding her as close as she can, as tightly as she will allow, as if she would lose her again were she to let go.
"I didn't mean to abandon you. I didn't want to abandon you. I came to see you, but all any of them would tell me is that you weren't there. I left my phone number for you. I thought I was doing everything I needed to do, everything I could do, but it wasn't enough. And I'm sorry for that, Emmy. I'm sorry I didn't try harder. I'm sorry I didn't do more. I was young and stupid and I didn't know... I didn't know..."
By the end of it Excellen's body is racked with her own sobs, and though Emilia wouldn't be able to see them she has tears running hot from her own eyes and freely down her cheeks. She can only hope now that her words are enough - that they can reach this poor girl she unwillingly abandoned so long ago.
<Pose Tracker> Emilia Eschonbach has posed.
The silence seems to take forever. Until Excellen starts to approach. She's suppressing a flinch. But she wants an answer. She *needs* an answer.
And then she does not expect the answer she got.
She's so stunned she doesn't move as Excellen embraces her, so tightly. So very tightly. The tightest she's been held since... Mom died. Excellen's own tears are dripping onto her, mixing with hers. She can't move her arms.
But for a girl who has never been apologized to in her life...
She can barely move her arms, but she moves it to touch Excellen's shoulder, gently. She did miss her, every day until she assumed she wasn't coming back. Until she was certain she'd died. But the next words out of her mouth betray what she really wanted. What little she needed.
"E-E-E-Exe-nee..."
To a girl who has never been apologized to, a genuine 'sorry' means so very much.
<Pose Tracker> Excellen Browning has posed.
In truth, Excellen was bracing for so much worse.
She was prepared for yelling, for screaming, perhaps biting and clawing. Kicking, definitely. She was prepared to get tossed out the door with the pizza (of course) being flung full on in her face. All of this was what she was willing to risk just for an opportunity for her words to reach the poor, sad girl she met all those years ago.
The girl she abandoned without realizing it...
Instead she feels a hand move to reach up and touch Excellen's shoulder, gently. Until she hears a simple word, a name, so gentle and so timid but sweet as the first gulp of water after a trek across the Sahara: 'E-E-E-Exe-nee...'
And it's then that Excellen loosens her grip, and allows herself to pull back so that she can look Emilia in the face. Her own eyes red, her own face wet with tears. But she is smiling. As warm and as brilliant as any smile as she has ever worn. She laughs a bit, reaching up to wipe some of the tears from her own cheeks before reaching forward to cradle Emilia's face within her hands. "That's right. I'm here. I promise, I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."
She then gently pull the girl close once more, this time to allow her to rest her head against her bosom. For once this is less of what she puts Bullet through ('Uh oh~ Looks like your cell phone got caught in my cleavage again~! Can you get it out?!' :3) and more... genuine nurturing care. Should Emilia allow it she'll even move so that the two of them will sit on the floor together, Excellen cradling her head against her chest and resting her head atop Emmy's.
After all... even a cold slice tastes better with a warmed heart.