2022-02-08: Instantiate
- Log: Instantiate
- Cast: Anti, Jude Espella
- Where: Tsutsujidai
- Date: 2022-02-08
- Summary: Jude finds Anti, after Akane's rejection -- and offers him a deal, one mistreated child to another.
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
There is the sensation of something new, in Tsutsujidai. It is a letter half-written on the page, its page half-formed from pulp and warmth, its ink half-boiled and waiting on its gum.
Not quite anything -- potentially EVERYTHING.
And right now, that glass is all half-full of tears, as that thing which isn't but could be cries out into the psychic abyss of Tsutsujidai. It is all the pain of rejection, raw and uncomprehending. I did this for you!, cries that hollow where a heart could be. Aren't you happy?
In this world of silent hearts, there is one creature screaming, screaming, screaming.
Further into Tsutsujidai, all summer-muffled --
There is no new kaiju, towering overhead. The caretakers, of course, stand eternal vigil. But there is no one on the cell layer, no one animated, no one who could cry so loudly. The people hurry down the street, hurry to shade, hurry to shop, hurry to friends; it's a normal day, a happy day, for the people of Tsutsujidai.
There's just a side-street, and a pile of trash.
<Pose Tracker> Jude Espella has posed.
Ever since that Death Knight appeared in Nouvelle Tokyo, yelling about 'don't take the train' and 'Tsutsujidai', Jude Espella - the Beast - has been curious. So, she took the train.
After a decent nap, she awoke in Tsutsujidai, feeling the white noise (uncomfortable) and seeing massive kaiju in the distance (HOLY SHIT THAT'S AWESOME). But instead of bothering the kaiju, she focused on something in distress. The girl, unarmed and unarmored, feels the sensation clearly. And it feels vaguely familiar, in that way her power works, and nobody seems to care.
Jude shifts a messenger bag from one side to the other, and starts heading down that side street, focusing on the on those psychic screams.
There is a sensation back. Warmth, beelined at whatever is screaming. It cannot be felt by a purely human heart. It is cozy and soft, friendly and inviting, not trying to get you to let your guard down but instead to relax. Enjoy summer!
"Why the hell is it summer...?" Jude mutters to herself, as she accidentally kicks the pile of trash while walking.
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
It might be warm, but it's not any sort of warmth whoever is putting these vibes out can understand. For all that screaming, it is screaming into the void.
Anti is a kaiju; he doesn't understand the heart at all. He has zero comprehension of other's emotions; the only thing in his hands is what he can observe.
Okay, that's not the only thing in his hands.
He's also holding a bag of trash, until, that is, it gets kicked.
Shift -- shudder; the pile of trash starts moving, until a pile of cardboard boxes cascades down, because a boy has pushed himself up in the middle of the garbage.
Perfectly human. Human eyes, sunset-coloured -- human hair, someting close to white. The latter is tangled and dirty as the scarf around his neck, clothes some pantomime of a uniform.
But when he scowls, it is still entirely clear he's hurting, under that intense expression, as he glares at Jude.
<Pose Tracker> Jude Espella has posed.
Jude accidentally kicks someone inside a pile of trash. This is bizarre - people should not be inside piles of trash! "Oh, I am so sorry! Are you alright?" She asks, before piecing two and two together from his scowl. He's hurting. And yet, the warmth was pushed into the void...but that doesn't mean...could he be the screaming she felt? What would Zetton do, here?
Probably eat a building, honestly.
"Are you okay? You seem like you're having a very rough time, if you're in the trash. Why are you out here?" Despite being sixteen, her tone comes off more mature and motherly than could be expected.
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
The girl's first question is met with that same frown -- something which, regardless, may now come off as dismissive. When humans say words at Anti, it doesn't much matter to him either way. She doesn't know just why he's been rejected, so there's no point in answering.
He looks younger than Jude; moreover, he FEELS young, in the way that newly-hatched seeds often feel. A little older than that, but not by much.
He doesn't move much, now he's sat up. He is still supported by an arm; there's a scrap of newspaper hanging on his shoulder, caught in his scarf. This human is still saying words at him, and at first they don't land at all. He is here, but he isn't here, not really. He offers Jude the bare amount of recognition of someone being in his space to tell if she's an active threat, but his mind is in the rain.
Except --
All a sudden there's a flash of recognition, all reflected in a little jerk of his head, a grunt from his lips. "You're... that girl." His voice is grumbly-low -- it isn't immediately obvious he's the one who was screaming, out there, in Death Knight.
(But it's the same desperation, then and now. He can't change his psychic existence. He doesn't even know it exists.)
<Pose Tracker> Jude Espella has posed.
The dismissal causes Jude to frown. She stands there for several moments, feeling the emotional tenor. The psychic existence. Trying to suss it out, as painful as it may be for her.
She's considering leaving, but then, he says something. "That girl? Have we met?" She'll figure it out if he doesn't answer, but for now, she's trying to map where they could have met.
"You're hurting. Do you want to hurt?"
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
Anti looks away, still frowning, when Jude asks that question. He hums something indistinct through his lips. It might not take a psychic to tell that they have, though being psychic certainly helps pick up the feelings of shame around the entire thing. He recognised the unusual care someone showed for kaiju like him, but... when he was out there, he...
But she asks something else, and the first reaction to it is confusion, as if -- he didn't realise this was pain. He straightens up in his seat, looks at his hands.
... they're healed by now, obviously. After all, Anti is just one of Tsutsujidai's many ideas.
And that means he has no more reason to hurt.
Doesn't it?
His hands drop down, beside him, and he looks back up to Jude. "I want..." The words do not sound fragile and nonetheless ARE, made slow and laborious by his internal calculations about what someone like him must want.
In the end, hatred wins out.
"... to crush Gridman," Anti finishes, a moment and a lifetime later, fixing her with an intent expression. "She won't be happy until I do."
<Pose Tracker> Jude Espella has posed.
Ah. He's..."Ah, I see. Yes, we have."
Jude shakes her head, taking a seat on the ground. "Not your hands. In your heart. I don't think you can feel me, but I can feel you. So I'll try to use my words - it may be a little rougher, but, just imagine the warm feelings of summer as I talk, okay?"
"Gridman...a so-called superhero, I assume. A threat." Jude sighs. Is he like those Ultraman? Horrible creatures. she places her hands on her knees and tilts forward. "You want to make someone happy. An admirable goal. And Gridman is in the way...but you can't do it alone."
Expecting some sort of response to that, due to kaiju being generally territorial, she raises a hand. "Of course, you need to be the one to kill him. But you were shouting about people coming here. People causing you problems. Therefore..."
"You need someone to deal with *them* so you can deal with *Gridman*, don't you?"
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
Anti is listening, right up until she says he can't do it alone.
The reaction is violent and immediate, as he thrusts his hands to the ground and stands. The boxes go flying; so does a banana peel. (Don't step on that, later.) Anti snaps, closer to the voice Jude knew: "I don't need help!"
Inside, he's screaming: Don't take my purpose from me!
He snarls, as Jude raises a hand, halfway to striking her or scrambling out into the distance by the time she settles on the only thing she could have said to help. Fine! Fine, if she knows what has to happen --
Anti straightens up, chin ducking down; his eyes narrow. For some reason, hearing what he needs is its own wound.
"... it's pointless." It's the grumbling echo of a megaphone, washing over him alone. "I wasn't thinking properly... that's all."
Of course it hurts; he did the wrong thing.
<Pose Tracker> Jude Espella has posed.
As Anti begins scattering, snapping, Jude takes one step back, other hand up in a peaceful mode, but Anti calms down a little. "You're special. You have a purpose, a goal, a design. You want to fulfill that. And while I don't know you very well, I believe you can. You held off those intruders and survived, didn't you?"
"Use me. Use me as your distraction. I don't plan to intrude on your world and make 'her' more upset with you, if I can help it. But I do have a thought, yes..."
"If you were thinking at all, isn't that good? You may not have been thinking properly, but you took initiative. You made a mistake, but...you can put a bandage on and be the person she needs you to be."
"You want to crush Gridman...but don't you also want to please your special person?"
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
Anti straightens. His arms fold, over his chest. He's still wearing that same scowl. It doesn't speak well to how confused he is, all on the inside.
"... yeah," he agrees, finally.
He's dead silent for five seconds.
"But it doesn't make sense."
He proceeds to stare in dead silence for another ten seconds. He occupies this space without apology or mollification; all he does is stare.
"Since you can 'Instance' kaiju... someone like me can't use you." Anti turns; his scarf flutters, around him. A scrap of newspaper scatters into the warm summer breeze, leaving to other places. He turns at right angle to her -- faces the street -- faces away.
"After all," Anti says, "I'm a kaiju."
<Pose Tracker> Jude Espella has posed.
"You're wrong." Jude says, after ten seconds of her own, with a bright smile. He can't see it, but her tone is probably more similar to when Akane was happy than when Akane was upset, so that may be a judge for him.
"People use each other - healthily and unhealthily. I am offering myself to your use. It's a deal between people."
"Humans and kaiju. I don't see a difference, in the end. I understand you may not feel the same way - but..."
Jude takes a step forward, carefully.
"What do you have to lose?"
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
In truth, Anti has very, very much to lose, and no words to express what he is losing.
His world is built on certain assumptions -- a heirarchy of importance. Perhaps Jude saw her first example of it the moment he dismissed her as human. There is an order, to whom may act on others. The rankings are strict as they are clear, in his mind.
Alexis drives -- Akane demands -- Anti destroys.
Anti's frown deepens; he looks away. This is as much a hint as to the strike as the fact he doesn't leave.
"... I don't get it. But I'm not a person, anyway."
Still, he's THINKING about it. Jude wasn't wrong, saying what she did about his thought process.
"They... use each other, huh."
Healthily and unhealthily..? What's that supposed to mean...? Anti is a kaiju, so he doesn't have to worry about his health. He doesn't get sick like humans do.
For long moments, Anti is quiet.
"If you're saying that," he concludes, finally, the safest path he can route on short notice, "you're trying to use me, too." She did say it was transactional; she's acting on the world. That's normal. It makes sense. His analysis returned, in the end: "What do you get out of it?"
Rising tone. He actually makes his question a question, not a statement with expectations.
<Pose Tracker> Jude Espella has posed.
"I believe kaiju are more than just people's tools. You'd be able to show that - that you are able to be loved, cherished, do good, and not need to be put down like the dog they think you are." Jude's tone is getting slightly uneven, but genuine. A manic burst.
"So I get a case study for my ideology. That kaiju are more than tools or pests, that they are strong in their own right, and worth keeping around. To your special person...to my enemies...to her." The last her is clearly not the Special Person. There's a tone of grudge there, one that even the unawakened Anti can feel.
"When you crush the Gridman, it proves everything. And in turn, I'm used as usual to smash the problems in your path to that."
"And, if you say no...well, there's no guarantee we won't meet again. And that'd be awkward~."
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
But Anti believes he is a tool; a tool called a 'kaiju', designed to destroy Vessels of Light. This resistance may well come through his emotional tenor, as he listens to Jude's own peaking emotions.
(Perhaps, too, she may catch the hint of fear at the edges of him, to hear her own voice growing more uneven. ... Akane's own moods aren't so different, after all.)
But he's listening, anyway.
"..."
His lips part and for a time he says nothing, glowering at the open street, a dozen-dozen passers-by who might tomorrow be under his feet.
He understands that last lilting line as a threat; it's more comfortable, that way.
"All right." Dragged across gravel, the words match the way his sunset eyes dart sidelong, to look at Jude again. "I don't know if you're right, but if you're asking me to crush Gridman, that's why I was born."
Instance Intervention...
"So, I'll let you... handle that stuff," and there's something uncomfortable and awkward to his phrasing, as he positions himself in a place he doesn't feel he quite belongs. "... at least while I figure it out."
Akane said it was pointless. But...
<Pose Tracker> Jude Espella has posed.
Jude smiles brightly. A win! She gives a strong thumbs-up.
"I believe you can. Sorry for scaring you...but hopefully, this turns out well."
She's gotten all she needs here, so she starts to turn, to return to the train station.
"The name is Jude Espella. Beast, when working outside. I'll try to limit my visits here to business, and not disturb your special person. After all, if we're getting rid of those people - it's not your job to exert energy on them." She waits, briefly, for a reply, before turning on her heel and heading back to the train.
It turns out working with the Death Army is always a good idea.
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
"... Anti," is the only reply she gets. It's more significant than it might sound.
After all, that's the name he was born with.
It's just a little shred of trust, offered to someone who isn't a kaiju. Anti doesn't know -- can't yet know -- that it is through the work of small efforts miracles are made.
Things like umbrellas, and coins, and exchanges.
They pick him up from the heap he'd left himself, and send him walking off into the streets of Tsutsujidai.