View source for 2023-01-26: VERTEX - Seolla/Kaworu: Signpost on the Map

{{Log
|cast=Seolla Schweizer, Kaworu Nagisa
|location=VERTEX
|summary=Seolla asks Kaworu for a little guidance and discretion before a bit of a goodbye.
}}
{{PhaseAndTurn
|phase=1
|turn=2
}}
[VERTEX] Seolla Schweizer: ...Ah- ...hey, I should probably. Let people know about a few things that are happening. ...ugh, how do I say this---

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: Yes?

[VERTEX] Seolla Schweizer:  ...nnn. Part of me almost hoped I wouldn't hear anything back and I could just.  not. think. about this . . . i can't go back with you all. i just. can't.

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: I see. What made you decide so?

[VERTEX] Seolla Schweizer:  it's a trap that i've been in for too long. Not - not Tokyo-3, not really. with you all at NERV. just had my eyes opened to how bad a state I've been in.

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa breathes a faint sigh. "I'm glad you've realized it at last. Do you have somewhere safe to go instead?"

[VERTEX] Seolla Schweizer:  oh thank god i don't have to convince you of it when i'm having a hard time convincing me of it. ...yeah. don't want to say since. I'll be tracked I'm sure. I'll be alright. i hope

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: Agreed. You shouldn't tell me any details.

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: I wish you well in wherever you go. Are there any messages you'd like me to pass along to anyone?

[VERTEX] Seolla Schweizer:  i. do still want to stay in touch. Have to. or do I. it's not a matter of hiding. it's. being in a position to do anything except hide. ...so many of you all are in such. draining situations. Not sure what I'd even say to most of them. ...if you manage to pass it on to Ouka and Arado - slip them something telling them I'm safe. wait. maybe you shouldn't. they might know

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: You don't 'have to' do anything. But if you want to, I'd like it if we stayed in touch, too. As for Ouka and Arado, it's true it might be risky... Perhaps if you wrote a letter and sealed it thoroughly? You wouldn't even need to have me pass it along; you could simply leave it somewhere where they will find it, right before you leave.

[VERTEX] Seolla Schweizer:  Won't even get close enough to send a letter. If I don't bolt now before I'm retrieved, I probably won't get a chance. Probably won't remember that I really, really have to be anywhere else. ugh. 

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: All right.

[VERTEX] Seolla Schweizer:  ...thank you for understanding all this so much though. Never got to talk with you all a ton but I...just get this feeling from you.

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: You're welcome. We're in similar positions, after all. I think Arado will follow your lead sooner or later, but I'm not certain what Ouka's fate will be...

[VERTEX] Seolla Schweizer:  oh god I don't even want to think of what they're going to try and do with Arado in this position. that's why I don't even - am I doing the right thing? leaving him to be on his own when there's so much he cant' do on his own? I want to - I'm going to help both of them, no matter what-!!!

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: Sometimes you need to lead by example, Seolla Schweizer.

[VERTEX] Seolla Schweizer:  Me, leading...what a thought that almost. makes me a little. nauseous. damn it. ...they made me forget so many people all the time. What if they forget me

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: Do you want to stay after all, then?

[VERTEX] Seolla Schweizer:  Nonononononononono that's. Not an option. I'm sweating like crazy at the thought of it. ...Dr. Mass told me I should really be lucky I'm alive at all after all the stuff they made me intake-

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: Then you will have to accept the risk that they will be made to forget you.

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: However, that doesn't mean you must do nothing, either.

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: After you leave, you can come back for them--in strength.

[VERTEX] Seolla Schweizer:  ...you're right. I'll be strong even if...even if they are made to reject me. there's only so strong I'll be able to be. relying even harder on the people I'm with.

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: Relying on others isn't so bad. It's good to have camaraderie. You know that well, don't you?

[VERTEX] Seolla Schweizer:  Even when they've helped me so much I don't know how to totally believe I can trust them...

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: Then don't. Let them continue to prove themselves to you until you can.

[VERTEX] Seolla Schweizer:  You sound like you've been here before. Or helped someone who has. ...maybe I'm lucky I got in touch with you when I did.

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: (Kaworu chuckles.) "Maybe one day I'll be able to tell you about it."

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: Why did you decide to contact me? I am an administrator in NERV, after all.

[VERTEX] Seolla Schweizer: Because I'm

[VERTEX] Seolla Schweizer: Gh, it's none of your

[VERTEX] Seolla Schweizer:  ...seemed like it would help-!

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: (Kaworu laughs gently.) "Then I hope I have."

[VERTEX] Seolla Schweizer: ...you give off the impression that you'd help a lot of unreasonable little things. Almost makes it tough to...bite the bullet. There's gotta be so much on your plate.

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: Hmm... I suppose that's true. But it's all right. I can handle it.

[VERTEX] Seolla Schweizer:  ...is it alright if I...rely on you a bit...when the time comes to do what's important to me?

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: Of course.

[VERTEX] Seolla Schweizer:  I won't forget that. Or you. I'll write it down right now, that I can...call you when I need to.

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: I'll be waiting for your call, then.

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: Is there anything else you need before you go?

[VERTEX] Seolla Schweizer:  ...I think that's everything I needed to hear. ...thank you. So much. It's been tough coming to this decision...

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: "It must be. But this decision is one that you and you alone made. That is your first step towards true freedom." (warmly) "So you're very welcome."

[VERTEX] Seolla Schweizer:  Hah...took a lot of people to get me to make this choice, really. ...no, I'm a long way off from something being genuinely my own fate. ...it's weird to even think that's on the table, though.

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: And yet wonderful, isn't it?

[VERTEX] Seolla Schweizer: ...yeah. It's a lot better than anything I've felt in a long while.

[VERTEX] Kaworu Nagisa: Take care to keep hold of that precious feeling. Godspeed, Seolla Schweizer. I wish you happiness in your future.