2022-11-04: Please, I cannot look directly at my people's sins
- Log: Please, I cannot look directly at my people's sins
- Cast: Yuliana Dispersal, Elisa Kafim
- Where: Unnamed Hotel, Moscow
- Date: 2022-11-04
- Summary: In the middle of wedding planning, Yuliana discusses Leina and Major Pham with Elisa, and reveals more of her struggles to acknowledge the ways the REA has hurt her. Elisa assures Yuliana that she will be the one to rescue her.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Dispersal has posed.
Today's task -- wedding task, that is, not the treasonous fellow she tragically wasn't able to locate before his senseless suicide, she's already taken care of work -- is selecting drinks.
This is something of a delicate operation; her motherland and her fatherland have strikingly different opinions on beverages. Her father hails from the part of Ambon culturally reluctant to drink alcohol, while her mother comes from the far snowy reaches of Zaftra, where vodka is a part of daily life. Yuliana agonised for some time over how to balance her cultures, before realising -- perhaps with help -- that she couldn't drink, anyway. And given the ceremony itself is largely Zaftran...
"We'll just not intoxicate them, then," Yuliana scrawls something down on a form, and throws both it and the pen down on their borrowed hotel table, clatter-clack. "That was easy!"
As if it didn't just take hours.
"And the dresses are sorted... I've had Lettu fit, no problems," she waves a hand, as she sits back on the couch. (Her customary scarf, gold and bronze, is currently draped somewhere else; around her neck hangs a darkening stone.) Wen Yuan, of course, is her bridesmaid -- the sniper more or less insisted. "So now Letda's sniffing about, too..." Yuliana pauses, delicately, and it isn't Parminder Chaudhri she's worried about. "... but what shall I tell the Major, if he wants to come?" That same hand lifts, as if to brush the bangs from her face -- but they've been clipped away, so her fingers just brush the side of her face. She preferred it when her hair was its own veil, when she could reassure herself she was hidden.
Really, she's feeling a little unsettled.
Pham Van Vinh's been her commander (her handler, she thinks, and pushes aside) for years now; she's used to operating around him, but if he wants something done, it's always been done. That's just the nature of military structure! It's... strange, she thinks, as she looks to Elisa for guidance.
Just a little strange.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
One imagines that not intoxicating their guest list is probably wise to begin with... but not Elisa! Elisa pleasantly says, "You're so talented, darling. Figuring out how to balance cultures in this way..."
Sure, it took hours. But it took Yuliana hours. And what is an hour, really?
"Excellent," Elisa answers about the dresses. So hmmmm. Letda.... But ah--the major. Elisa's eyes are large as she looks to Yuliana, and smiles expansively. It is a rare sort of expression from her, but surely it is only because of Yuliana's presence.
"Why," Elisa says, "You should tell him he is thoroughly welcome," she says, and she has an awful lot of teeth, doesn't she?
"If your colleagues show interest in your personal life then I'd love to meet them. It would make me quite happy."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Dispersal has posed.
If it's Yuliana taking so long, it's all right, surely. And those are hours she's spent here, with Elisa! Parminder can handle the details of cleaning up afterwards, Yuliana's sure, so she's left her work with him.
And Elisa -- well, perhaps she's just taking a leaf from Yuliana's own book with an expression like that, the sort of thing which might frighten someone else. Yuliana smiles, instead, moving closer, to lift her hand and press her palm against one of Elisa's broad-smiling cheeks. "I cherish your happiness," she assures her, softly, gazing at her, green and jealous green.
"I'll bring them to you."
I'll give them to you.
Her eyes glance away, a few long beats later; against Elisa's cheek, her fingers curl, delicately. "But... I can't say with certainty you'll be quite... pleased with him," she admits, haltingly. "You see, he... well, even a Newtype couldn't bring herself to carry through her threats, when she saw him with me. Are you sure it won't ruin your mood, darling...?"
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
It's fine! Elisa likes to spend time with Yuliana.
Elisa is trying new things, too. And she does rather like this idea. But Yuliana is so very green in her gaze at the moment, and it is so very nice.
"Yes," she says, when Yuliana agrees. And she understands. Oh, does she understand. But...
"Hmmm?" Elisa wonders, tilting her head thoughtfully. She considers, of course, that Yuliana does wish her career... but a Newtype?
"Tell me of these threats, darling," she says. "And do not worry that it will ruin my mood."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Dispersal has posed.
And more and more, Yuliana wants to spend time with Elisa. Here -- beside her -- held in her gaze.
Her career has always been important to her, but isn't it natural her wedding would be more important, in her mind? Natural, then, that she would push so much work onto her team, so she can spend time with Elisa, make ready for the ritual to join them irreparably.
Elisa's head tilts, and Yuliana strokes her cheek, once, before her hand drops down. She bids her to tell her, and her teal lashes drop over her eyes, in a long blink, before she looks to her again.
Of course she will... because it's Elisa, asking.
"One of my marks got this one on the phone -- she's too clever by half, you see, I suppose those people would think she's able to protect them -- so it's all she could leverage against me, most like. Insisting she'd tell the Major what I was up to while I was on leave, I mean," she explains her flighty thoughts at length, and looks, for a moment, a shade embarrassed. "It... could have inconvenienced me."
She's being delicate about it, of course. If her people aren't happy, her life is far worse than inconvenienced. ... but she never properly explained that bruise around her wrist, either.
"But the Major and I attended a function together a while later... she was there. That... Leina Ashta, she was, I think." Yuliana does not think of their names, first. "She approached us after I failed to impress the importance of a deal on a certain dignitary... perhaps she could tell the Major was short on patience. I don't know," and she doesn't know more and more, as time goes on -- or perhaps she has simply grown more comfortable sharing her uncertainties with Elisa.
"Anyway, when she was face to face with him, she had nothing but nice things to say... she even tried to convince him to grant me leave before the wedding to finish preparing. Perhaps she thought I'd be less threatening if I wasn't working, but... surely she's smart enough to realise I was placed on leave when I was working on her little friend, just the same." Yuliana frowns; she can't just imagine that Leina was trying to help her, back then. "She... intimated afterwards she knew the Major's type and didn't much like it, so I'm sure it was less about helping me and more not helping him, but... well, the history is, she seems to have an awareness of some things, even given what she is..."
She shifts, knees coming together, glancing away with another frown before she looks back to Elisa. "She could have made life quite difficult for me," she says, "and she didn't." Yuliana doesn't understand it at all; doesn't understand Leina at all.
"I was going to offer her to you after the wedding, get rid of her while we took the boy and his machine, that really is still some remarkable power, but... I don't know... of course she deserves what she gets, but..." But she's hesitant, hesitating, and her hand trembles slightly as she reaches for Elisa's. "Boyevaya podruga, what am I to do about her..?"
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa would like that.
She also likes this focus on the wedding. But Yuliana strokes her cheek and says she will answer, so of course she will. Because there is something to answer. And hmm...
"I see..." Inconvenienced. Yes, Elisa understands that. She also noticed the bruise.
But 'Leina Ashta', and how she seemed to... assist. Yuliana doesn't know, but Elisa does; she recognizes a potential ally when she hears of one. This one, who is a hated Newtype (Elisa doesn't hate them more than she hates most people), and yet...
"How lovely," Elisa says, "That she had such nice things to say. ...It does make sense, of course; all of the bit players in our stories do have their own interactions. If he is 'like someone she knows', then that makes sense."
Awareness...
"I think... that she could be of use to us," Elisa thinks. "If she wishes to aid you, then why not let her? Her reasons do not much matter. Yes... Give her to me, but I will not destroy her yet. You do not have to do 'something' about her. Allow me."
"...Anyone who makes your work safer for you is worth a chat, hmmm?"
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Dispersal has posed.
Yuliana is understood; even at a glance, Elisa understands her. How wonderful!
How wonderful.
How lovely, Elisa surmises Leina's contributions, and Yuliana listens closely to her explanation. A side-story... doesn't that make sense?, she wonders, to herself. "That makes sense," she echoes the words, and it does.
Yuliana curls her fingers into Elisa's, and shifts, to lean her weight into her. Perhaps she can feel the breath she heaves, as Yuliana processes the idea of letting a Newtype help her. If it were anyone else, her response would likely be explosive. But... to allow her...
"Please," Yuliana sighs, weight sinking down. "You're so good to me, Elya... with any luck they'll be at the ceremony, just the same." She doesn't pause long, before she cedes: "If you don't wish to destroy her yet, I suppose we've no need to hurry. Eventually..."
Well, it won't be any better for Newtypes than the rest of the world.
Her lashes are the only veil she has left, as she glances aside. "... but the Major is growing jealous, I think," she says, eyes tracking down to her wrist. "As we go on... things are growing more tense, darling. I don't like to say safety is an issue, but..." But they wanted to reprogram her after her experiences in Torrington. But they threw her into Torrington alone in the first place, just to sabotage the Shamblo and bring the place to ruin. But they brought her in for interrogation after their attack on Frontier, even though they thought she was a victim. But... but... but.
Well, at least she can introduce doubt.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Of course it makes sense! Elisa said it, after all. She is very good at making sense. And other things.
Yes, Elisa can feel that breath. But it's fine, because Elisa is asking, and she sees use in this. In this... Leina, who is helping. So Yuliana agrees, of course. She does.
"That would be excellent," Elisa says. "I would enjoy meeting her." Then, "Yes. There is no need to rush on this one if she can serve a purpose, yet. There is no need to hurry... when our victory will be complete, in time."
A veil. Elisa tilts her head, looking through it, as if pushing aside gently. But she looks down to Yuliana's wrist, then. Safety...
"...Well," Elisa says. "If at any point you wish me to instruct him on the merits of your service, you need only ask." A smile. "I will happily teach him."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Dispersal has posed.
Of course she agrees. Yuliana's never really argued with Elisa, you know -- well, aside from being a little upset over Lt. Colonel Prem Sekar, but that was really just her explosive temper, hardly Elisa's fault. They're simply not a couple with vast disagreements.
(Because they're a better couple.)
"Good," Yuliana agrees, first, "so long as you're happy." She sighs, and nods, smiling sharp. "... yes." Eventually, Leina will be consumed with the rest of them.
And she will know silence.
Yuliana's lashes flutter, as Elisa tilts her head; she turns her own, to look to her, opening up, and it is so clear she adores her. For Elisa, at least, her expression is soft, her gaze loving, her smile warm. Someone like Cascade wouldn't think her face possible of such an expression, but people like them don't matter.
"I know," she says, and she is grateful. "Why... you're hungry for it, aren't you..? It's just... I can't abjure my people so easily, Elya. I'm not ready to punish him... if he's really done so much wrong, surely that reflects badly on them all, doesn't it...?" Elisa never said it so bluntly, of course, which means it's been on Yuliana's mind. "Just... that girl, that Leina said it, too, so I couldn't just say she was lying, since it wasn't so unlike your interest... it's..." Her fingers tighten, around Elisa's.
"Sometimes I do scream," she admits, and perhaps the word for her eyes is torn open. "I'd never say as much to someone like her, but... but before you saved me, it was very bad, Elya. Sometimes it's still..." She takes a breath, and swallows, lips pressing tightly together. "But I'm not some lab rat who needs to be rescued by those miserable creatures!"
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
That was a terrible day! But it's over now.
Silence will come. To all! It will be glorious, and quiet, and wonderful. But Elisa looks to Yuliana, sees that soft, loving gaze...
"I do not approve of anyone mistreating you," Elisa says honestly. But she cannot... punish him, yet. If he has done so much wrong, then... Hmmm.
She does not answer that.
Instead, "Then I will simply meet him," she says. "There need be no punishment you do not wish."
Her fingers curl under Yuliana's. Scream... Yes. "You are not," Elisa agrees. "You do not need them. You are not that thing. You are my glorious, beautiful Yuliana, and only I will rescue you."
"...But in this, you rescue me from being without you. We are so good together, are we not?"
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Dispersal has posed.
Elisa doesn't answer that, but to Yuliana's ears, she already has.
She doesn't approve of anyone mistreating her, after all.
"All right... all right," she breathes, reassured, when Elisa insists she's only meeting him. "If he wants to come, I'll not dissuade him... if he doesn't, I'll simply arrange something else. We're to be married, so... my people are yours, now." Is that her justification?
But Elisa reassures her she doesn't need Leina's help, isn't the sort of person who needs help from them, because she already belongs. (Belongs to --) A smile breaks over her face as Elisa describes her, describes her impact on her. "Oh, darling," Yuliana sighs, doe-eyed, as her other hand lifts to cradle Elisa's in both of hers. "My darling..! We are!"
Her fingers rub at the back of Elisa's hand, gentle and warm. (She runs hot, where Elisa is cold.) "Let me be with you always," she insists, happily. "I'm so glad I can rely on you..." Or perhaps the word, increasingly, is 'reliant'.
But though Elisa's the only one privileged to rescue Yuliana... she still does need rescuing, doesn't she?
Even if it's difficult to voice...