2022-07-10: Belief

• Log: Belief
• Cast: Anti, Riku Asakura
• Where: Sluice gate, Tsutsujidai
• Date: 2022-07-10
• Summary: Riku finally catches up to Anti, and tells him what Alexis did. Anti tells Riku the truth -- and expects his presence in his coming plot. Perhaps it's something like belief.

---

<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.

        Anti is in movement, and does not linger.

        When he comes to rest it is with purpose. He sleeps. He forages. He listens to music.

        And then, he leaves.

        Steam under pressure. Nothing he can do.

        Stay out, he tells them.

        Stay out, as he tells them.

        The matrices are building and forming and flowing on together in his mind. His existence, his purpose, his meaning. Her. What he can do, and what he cannot. What he can change, and what...

        He's still copying.

        He's been copying her this whole time.

        And not just --

        By the sluice gate Anti comes to a stop, again, standing atop that concrete obelisk of an offering. Down, down, down. The water ripples, under the pouring rain. Anti stands over it. He stands over it.

        The metaphor is literal.

<Pose Tracker> Riku Asakura has posed.

Riku had several things to do in short order. Heal, repair the riser, and find Anti. Two of those things are complete, the last is...well rather challenging. Asking people for clues along the way didn't often get much, sometimes people just don't perceive people that stand out because it's dangerous. Others, though, who are kinder in heart or are warmed that someone is worried about another come through for him.

The sluice gate is where Riku stands slightly behind Anti. He's hurt, he's not sure how he can tell but he can. There is something going wrong with him...something twisting inside but he's not sure how to help. Not being at the appointed place and time was probably not helping, but now..?

"Hey," he says, easily enough. "I've been looking for you for a while...you know you're not very easy to find?" he says, trying to keep the tone easygoing. Though he knows it's not likely to last.

<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.

        The rain slicks his hair to his face. It always does. The rain comes down on top of him. It always does.

        Nice of the sky to do it for him.

        The raindrops disguise footsteps, in the background television fuzz of his mind. Distant as the lighthouse, the spotlight catches Riku's voice -- then, and not before, Anti turns. An easygoing tone...

        Anti's eyes narrow, just so. His body turns completely towards Riku; his shoe impacts the water, collecting to a puddle on the concrete. He doesn't notice. He doesn't move his foot.

        He nods, once, when Riku says he isn't hard to find. "...", he opens his mouth, slightly, and doesn't quite get to saying that the danger is increasing.

        He has to keep moving.

        "You never showed up." A quiet, intense accusation, instead.

        The thin white fabric of his gloves is a little more sheer, in the damp. What's underneath is darker than his skin.

<Pose Tracker> Riku Asakura has posed.

Riku, under an umbrella, walks towards Anti so that the two wouldn't be pelted by the rain. He's been there, he remembers those moments when things seemed at their worst. The words of his would have been adopted father.

The accusing tone causes Riku to wince. He wanted to badly be there...so badly he wanted to be there. Yuta and Hibi likely had to hold him down so that he could heal. He got ear fulls from his allies in the Shuffles. He takes a breath and looks at Anti evenly.

"Your sister's friend, Alexis paid me a visit before the duel. While dangling things from my past, he decided to destroy my raiser and stabbed me in the process. The Second saved my life, and I was resting...and nearly roped down so I couldn't hurt myself to be there."

"I'm sorry about that. I would have contacted you sooner but..." a pause, "You're hard to find."

His eyes glimpse the darker skin under the gloves, and he moves carefully and pull the glove back. "Are you alright...you look hurt?" he asks, not quite sure what he was looking at.

<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.

        Anti's gaze flicks to the umbrella, and knows what it means.

        He's still wary.

        His eyes narrow, as Riku reveals that Alexis -- got in the way. Stopped Anti from destroying the Vessel of Light. The implications are...

        He jerks his hand away, when Riku reaches out, and takes a step back. Back into the rain. "It's none of your business," he issues, sharply.

        One hand comes to rest over the other. "It only hurts when I forget what I am," he insists, scowling. "... a kaiju wouldn't be hurt."

        He's figured that much out.

        Anti's frown deepens. "I said I'd crush you. If Alexis Kerib is getting in my way... he's not waiting for us." Us. Not him.

        In Anti's mind, a clock's minute hand slides a hair closer to midnight.

        "I'm running out of time. I have to... crush Gridman," the way he always brings it back, to that feud. Is it just a feud? "I have to reach her..."

        His fingers tighten, just so. His expression tightens, too.

<Pose Tracker> Riku Asakura has posed.

Riku sighs, he figured that'd be how he would react. It doesn't make things any easier. He listens, finally twigging on to something that Anti just let slip. Kaiju wouldn't be hurt. Riku takes a breath in and lets out a gentle sigh.

"That's not true," the young Ultra says to Anti. "Kaiju have feelings, they feel things. They hurt and are hurt. Some are destructive and can't reconcile with others, but there are some that absolutely do live in harmony with those around themselves."

"The Second. She hurts now, you know that. You're ignoring the fact that she does hurt to see you like this. She's hurt that eventually this world will be closed off again, and the people she's met on the other side will no longer be there."

"Human, Ultra, Kaiju...people are people. People hurt and people cry. People suffer," The umbrella moves again. "Her..? You mean Akane?" He says, concerned. "I know you keep thinking that I am an enemy to you, but I am not. I don't seek to destroy or hurt Akane...I want to help her from what is a huge mistake."

"Alexis is not your ally. He is not your friend. He seems to emulate one of my deadliest enemies...who only sought one thing. To destroy everything under my father's command. He wanted to fill the void in his chest from his people's destruction by lashing out at everything around himself."

"You want to protect Akane right? Inside you're hurting because you think you're not able to reach her? Anti...there is no greater pain than that. Everything is nothing more than failing those you love."

<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.

        "I'm not ignoring it."

        The first thing Anti says, and the only thing, for a long time.

        If he could just ignore it... if he could just ignore anything... it wouldn't be this bitter.

        Anti's gaze snaps to the umbrella, but he doesn't back away any further.

        He is quiet, until he is not, until his voice breaches the patter of the rain tumbling down.

        "I know."

        It's dangerous.

        "I know Alexis Kerib is our enemy. He's the one controlling everything... and everything is made to hurt Akane Shinjo. I've known since I was created." Under pressure, his words escape, low to gravel. "He drives."

        Anti's fingers clutch his hand. "Even though I knew, Alexis Kerib still used me. Knowing didn't help. That's why it doesn't matter that Akane Shinjo knows, either." The reason Akane is cruel... the reason Akane is flattened out... Anti is a kaiju like Akane. Akane learns, too.

        "Akane Shinjo wants me to crush Gridman. She wants to fight him, with kaiju. That's why I won't give up. Because the only thing she'll listen to is what she expects. If I stop now... I'll just abandon her. She won't listen to me then. And if there's no more use for me, there's no reason for me to exist." What Anti expects... it's a little grim, isn't it?

        But then, Riku said it himself.

        Alexis came for his life.

        A kaiju, Anti thinks, can't be worth more than that.

        "If Alexis Kerib acting, now, he's getting ready... to do something worse. Since he doesn't. He has us act." Anti pauses, and adds: "So I have to act. Get it?" It's not a question which sounds vulnerable, sharp and pointed. It is.

<Pose Tracker> Riku Asakura has posed.

Riku listens and is glad that Anti at least lets him shield him from the rain. He knows, of course, he realized it a long time ago, but he's a kid. Created and thrust into the world without much of a directive other than 'kill Gridman'. He closes his eyes and takes a sharp breath. He was thrown out into the world, without purpose, and without family. It was only by luck he had found friends and love. He had turned destiny around.

"I don't blame you for anything, by the way, Anti," Riku says calmly. "This situation is a tough one, and you've done the best that you can with what you had. Akane right now probably can't properly express her feelings. She's likely manipulated...because that is the man he seeks to emulate."

There is no reason for me to exist.

"No," Riku says firmly, turning to Anti. "Never say that. That's resigning yourself to only one path, only one goal. You're a person.." he says pointing at his heart. "You proved it at the concert, you proved it now. I understand what you want though...you want to shield her from pain. That's different than what you said."

"Ultramen...we do the same. We protect what's closest to us, not just the world. You've wanted to get rid of us because you wanted to protect the world too, not for yourself but for her." Riku looks to stare him in the eye. "I can't tell you how to live, or how to exist...but you're more than you think you are."

"I know you can be. I believe in you that you can be," a pause. He sinks a little. "Something worse...that doesn't sound good. I understand, leaving her you fear that he'll get full access to her without you there. If you can't be there, who knows what will happen. Worse, she hasn't figured out that she's being used."

"Anti. I'll do what I can for you. Think about it...and if you can find a way to separate them. Call on me, alright? No matter where I might be, or what I'm doing. I'll come. If you want to save her, then I'll be right there with you."

<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.

        He's a person, Riku says, and Anti grimaces. "I'm a kaiju," he insists, voice thin on the ground as that light sheen of water, puddling on the subtly uneven surface of the concrete.

        That he's more than he thinks he is...

        'In comparison, the human heart is utterly defiled~.'

        It's painful, to Anti. The metaphor is still literal.

        Kaworu said he should get help, but Anti doesn't think he's the one who needs help.

        Even now, even asking...

        "There are rules. I have to follow them. Because I was created." There's more than one way to manipulate a child. "Akane Shinjo made those rules. Until I can convince her, I can't change that. So you'll need to fight us." Anti's conclusion is firm. "Because that is what Akane Shinjo can accept. That's how I can reach her. I'm a copycat kaiju. I can copy anything. This way, she'll see..."

        Anti pauses, and looks over his shoulder. Anti pauses, as the words flee his lips.

        It's not easy. He is... afraid.

        "Alexis Kerib handles it," Anti says, at length. "Everything. So long as she relies on him, they won't be separated. That's why I have to show her. Make her think about it. If I tell her, she won't listen."

        He's a shade downcast, as he adds: "I tried."

        Anti still remembers trying to warn Akane, about Alexis's ties to BioNet. He remembers Alexis's convincing argument otherwise, just the same.

<Pose Tracker> Riku Asakura has posed.

"Didn't you hear me? Human or Kaiju, a person is a person. Kaiju can be people. People can be Kaiju. It isn't what you are that determines anything, but rather what you do with it. You want to keep calling yourself a Kaiju, but that is limiting your options...not just for you, but for her as well."

Riku sighs, and watches him. He listens. There are rules, and things he has to do to play the game, but...he knows how this works. The game is rigged, that is because Alexis does not play fair. The board is set in his favor because he likely chose her for a reason. ...But he didn't choose Anti.

That is in fact, what's not set on the board or what Alexis has complete control over. That is why Alexis stabbed him...to control Anti. "I think...I think I understand what is going on better now. Just why he attacked me. It might have seemed like a way to clear me from the board...but..."

"I think Alexis is playing a game, and he only plays it because he has it set a certain way. He chose Akane for a reason, he set this up for a reason. However, he didn't count on something. He did not account for you...he can't predict you. She made a copycat Kaiju...wait. That means you learn from others, right?"

"Alexis was worried about what would happen if we fought! Alright. Then that's how we need to play it, I think. We go back to how we were working before. This will lead us to fight in a way that he can't interrupt...and you still have your shot to reach her. Though..." he looks at Anti. "Violence or completing something like killing Gridman won't reach her."

He says, placing his free hand under his face, thinking. "Look a the rules again, Anti. Think about how to get around them without breaking them. Move-in ways he doesn't expect. It's just like learning how to fight an opponent right?" He takes a breath. This is a lot for a new life to take on, but he did so willingly. His desire to save her is genuine, and the strength of heart to carry on despite the force in front of him is telling.

"There are people who care for her. People who want to help her despite everything she may have done. You're right though, Kerib is the problem, but separating them is going to be difficult.." He taps his chin. "You have to take care of yourself too. You can't do anything for her if you're dead or hurting as bad as you are. Kaiju or not."

He places a hand on his shoulder, lightly squeezing it. "It's a lot to take on, and I'm sorry I can't do more. I...however, still leave that offer there. If you need me, I'll come running."

<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.

        Kaiju can be people...

        It's still uncomfortable, but Anti cedes this much: "All right."

        Akane always called him a kaiju. (A failure of a kaiju.) It's... difficult, to use another word. But if a person can be a kaiju... maybe that's fine.

        But Riku goes on, and Anti's sunset eyes widen, framed by the rain falling behind him. (Not on top of him. There's an umbrella.) "Mm," he nods, with a grunt, as Riku asks whether he learns from others.

        He doesn't explain too much -- because he's turning it around in his head. The way Alexis doesn't touch him unless he wants something... Anti put it down to how unimportant he was as a kaiju, but there's another way to look at it.

        Anti, someone Akane wished for, may well scare Alexis.

        Anti frowns, though, and adds on the heels of Riku insisting killing Gridman won't help: "But I want to. I was made to crush him!"

        That... still hasn't changed, huh.

        He at least manages to lower his hackles instead of getting too angry about it, though, which speaks volumes as to his current focus. He doesn't even strike Riku's hand away, when it comes down, though the tension in his shoulder can be felt as a real and present thing.

        Anti's gaze shifts down, to that hand. Off of Riku, in the process. "I don't... understand," he admits, finally. He looks up to the umbrella, and adds: "I don't understand that at all." Like he's talking about the umbrella. He is talking about the umbrella.

        "I'm... afraid," he says, with a wince. "But when I feel those things... when I'm not just acting... Alexis Kerib gave me a machine. It bit me." He takes off one of those damp gloves -- it's a bit of an effort, he has to hook his fingers in the fabric and yank, because it's stuck there by the damp.

        His hands are covered in scaly DG Cells, and the deep, dark grey of a conflicted colonisation has lightened to a more active, more metallic shine.

        "If I become more like you... it won't be good. That's what Alexis Kerib intended. If I started worrying about her... I'd go outside to fight for her... this would happen."

        He clasps his bared hand with the other, as if to cover it.

        "So it's going to hurt. But I can control it. Because I can drive, too."

<Pose Tracker> Riku Asakura has posed.

Riku sighs at that, thinking about what to say exactly. Perhaps it'd be best if he dropped it...Yuta could use a healthy rival, and Anti is responsible enough and avoids hurting others in his fights. He had a desire to protect the world. For Akane, sure...but it's still a desire to protect.

He doesn't understand...he looks to the Umbrella.

"Oh, it's...an umbrella. Humans made it to protect them from rain. it's like a shield knight used to protect others. Well...okay so I used to pretend it was the Shine Shield when I was walking home in the rain. Humans can get sick if we get wet and cold. I guess being a Kaiju gives you some special resistance against the cold and being wet."

"But you know, people share umbrellas with each other. It's a sign of showing they care for them and don't want them to get sick or cold. Better to stay dry and warm, even if you can't get sick right?"

Though what happens next chills Riku to the bone. His eyes widen when the glove is pulled back. His hand grips just a little tighter. His eyes, still wide with shock looked at it before Anti covered it up. "Those are..." a pause, "Oh...oh Anti..." he says, a little dismayed and worried for the young Kaiju.

"This explains some things, I think. I don't know what to do with those...I don't know how they work, I just know it's not good. And Alexis gave you that machine?" He pauses. Okay...no he has to be confident. "It's alright. We'll figure something out and you won't be controlled by them."

"I am asking you to trust me, alright? I'll find a way to help you with that...then we'll save Akane.." a pause, "I know you're afraid. It's scary but...just believe in me, alright?"

<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.

        "Oh," Anti remarks, looking up to the umbrella. "... so that's really it. No one explained it." He'd made his own assumptions, but...

        Anti wonders if he'll get sick, if he keeps on like this.

        Problems for later.

        Like the problem of the sickness he is dealing with, despite being a kaiju, all bitten into his hands and his feet. "That's right," he confirms, with that same quiet intensity, when Riku asks whether Alexis gave him the machine.

        He looks away, and frowns. His lips tug down, all tied in tension to their sides. "I'm running out of time," he insists, again, again, again.

        "... I did." Those words fall like a gavel, and it's Anti being judged. "I told you everything... I won't be forgiven for that. You'd better come through." The tough phrasing on that falls a little flat, with the lack of volume behind it.

        He pauses, and looks back to Riku, frowning all the while. "I still don't understand why you're doing this... since I was going to kill you." Anti doesn't know the words for an apology. Admitting his intentions will have to do. "But you're doing this. I can see that much."

        It's... familiar. He's familiar. How he fights, what he said at the ramen stand... and this, too.

        Anti swallows, at the lump in his throat that keeps him so silent. He can't quite make himself say the words. He's said quite a few of them here already. But...

        "I should go." Anti insists, without leaving. "If he sees us... it's dangerous. I'll..." Trust you? Believe in you? The words stick in his throat like chicken-bones; he settles on -- "expect you."

        Close enough.

        "..." Anti says, looking out at the rain.

        The purpose of an umbrella...

        "Go somewhere dry." He insists, and it's a short-tempered, brusque dismissal, but -- maybe he's trying to express something of his own, with that.