2023-10-13: Creating Ripples
- Log: Creating Ripples
- Cast: Leina Ashta, Naoko Suzuki
- Where: Nova Stellar's Quarters, Ra Mari II
- OOC - IC Date: 0097-10-13
- Summary: Leina Ashta visits Nova Stellar in her quarters, confirming a theory she had about her nature. Nova, in turn, receives the beginning of the answers she's sought all her life. It's a very normal conversation without any weird behavior or traumatic hangups.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
It was supposed to be brief, just in and out. Just long enough to drop off Eight and Lavhi's wedding gift in person without crowding the 'honeymoon' period.
Yet when she checked her Cathedra security detail's itinerary, she saw that they didn't actually have a time frame that was that short allotted.
Instead she saw that they'd ambiguously set aside a three hour block of time, as if not trusting their charge to actually mean what she said.
Smirking at that...
"Well, if that's the case, why not make use of it?"
Indeed, while the detail was on the Ra Mari, they were giving her space for these kinds of personal meetings.
Which means... there's no better time for something that can't be overheard...
... without 'informing' anyone of where she was going, she moved through the halls of the crew quarters, up to Nova's room, putting her ear briefly against it, before knocking.
Then again.
Leina herself was dressed pretty casually right now, given how quick the trip was meant to be.
A faded 'Magical Girl Wonderful Persimmon' T-shirt.
A pair of skinny jeans, and worn sneakers. Nestled into the left side of her hair was a barrette, holographically displaying a Haro which flapped up and down every few seconds.
The moment the door opened, Leina stated with a smile and a hint of mirth, "Anime Ja Nai~" A beat, "Was in the neighborhood- and figured, past time the two of us talked. Don't you think?"
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
The door to Nova's quarters is helpfully labeled 'Nova Stellar', in the same common labeling style as crew quarters are. Even though technically this is a guest room. It would have been pretty easy to expose her earlier lie about having shifts - she's been very insistent on keeping that Guest label, no matter how long it's been since she started acting like part of the crew. It's clear enough that it's currently occupied as well, judging from the sounds of someone typing on a mechanical keyboard.
It takes a moment for the knock to be answered. The door slides open, revealing Naoko in the 'Candy Fiend' hoodie she most commonly wears, expression puzzled since she wasn't expecting anybody. She freezes up like a deer in headlights when she locks eyes with Leina Ashta, that greeting not appearing to do anything to put her at ease. She in fact physically flinches---
And then the door slides closed again. Behind it, Naoko experiences a small crisis as she wonders what the heck Leina is approaching her for, unable to imagine a conversation that isn't going to be horribly embarrassing in some way. She needs a moment to put herself in the right headspace. Don't show any weakness. You're Nova Stellar, Miracle Worker. You can handle this!
A few seconds later, the door slides open again, Nova smiling pleasantly and able to present herself with confidence now. "Well well, if it isn't Leina Ashta! If you've come to me, it must be a miracle you're after. Well then, why don't you come in and you can tell me all about it!"
Nailed it, you can almost hear her thinking.
Nova's quarters is the same as any other basic crew quarters on the Ra Mari II, which is to say very nice and roomy compared to most battle-ready vessels, built to be a comfortable residence rather than just a place to crash in between shifts. The spacious living room has a door further in leading to a separate bedroom and adjoining bathroom, leaving plenty of space for one's own preferred furniture.
In Nova's case, this means... not a whole lot. There's a small table with a single chair next to it and a coffee machine on top of it in one corner, that side mostly empty otherwise. All the attention is squarely on the other side, where there's an office chair next a desk that's covered in Stuff. A laptop, connected to a separate keyboard and two additional monitors, all filled with a wall of text - she was working on programming something or other. There's a partially assembled black Haro shell with attachments that clearly identify it as the dreaded Psyco Haro, thankfully inactive but also connected to the laptop. Boxes of various flavors of PaPPy are stacked there as well, the wastebasket next to the desk containing many more empty ones. And a mug, which she proceeds to pick up after walking over, before turning back to Leina.
"What can I getcha? Only got coffee or water, sooo, easy pick, right?"
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
As Nova opens the door and gets that deer in the headlights look, Leina is just about to finish with the word, "Re-"
The door slides shut.
"-lax?"
Those seagreen eyes go blink blink. And indeed, she places a hand against the door, eyes half-lidding...
... as she searches out that stew of anxiety and insecurity. It's beyond that though... what she's seeking.
That feeling of a wound. That Deja Vu of existence that she knows Tessa and Kaname and Shari feel every day.
When the door opens again, she straightens up as she unravels her focus from that state, smiles again, "Well, yes and no. Really I'm here just to better make your acquaintance. Isn't that enough? You put a lot on the line for someone you didn't know out there."
Why did she say yes and no? Well, she's technically not here for a miracle - yet she believes the people that are a part of one's lives are the truest miracles of existence.
Whether by fate, chance, coincidence, or luck - the two ran across each other, and keep running across each other.
"Mind if I come in?" She asks, just before Nova leads her inside. And she does look around, eyes falling upon the Psyco Haro. "Ha. Did you know I wrote a some children's theater for Harocon about this guy? ... Oh coffee's fine!"
She doesn't presume upon taking a seat, even if she does drop her bag, waiting to be sure the door is closed. "So why I'm here... it's - less what you can do for me and more - what I can do for you, perhaps? Besides - just wanting to get to know someone who did a lot for me..."
She trails off, then clears her throat, "... Hmm. How shall I put this?"
Her eyes wander up, as she tries to recall something. "Imagine a house. You know it, every part of it. You walk by a part of it that's completely new, a door perhaps, but your body acts as if it's always been there. And that's just each and every day. It keeps happening, without end. The house keeps expanding, and you remember how small it once was."
She tries her hardest not to look at Nova as she says this, "Eventually you start imagining the same thing. Again and again. A feedback loop - a distinct sense of Deja Vu. Everything familiar..."
Now, at this moment, does she look at her, "... but also brand new. Every. Single. Day." She enunciates those words, and asks the question with a certain simplicity.
"Is that what it's like for you?"
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
There is a lot of anxiety and insecurity to get through here. Psychic ability is far from a strict requirement to see through Nova's facade. A facade that she uses to more easily interact with a world she's felt isolated from for most of her life. ...there's an odd sort of echo, too. As if more than one person is behind that door. Even though once looking with one's eyes again, Nova is most certainly by herself in there.
Having recentered herself, her reply comes easily enough. "Ah, you want to talk about a previous miracle. Fair enough, though you must understand, there's some things I can't explain. Miracles by their very nature defy explanation, after all."
Make no mistake, below the surface she's still just as anxious as she was before. It's just that once she actively puts her mind in the right place, playing it cool just comes natural. It's something she's been doing for a very long time.
Which doesn't mean it isn't still very easy to shake her. All it takes is for Leina to mention the Psyco Haro show for the mask to slip. "You wrote that? That was so cool, I loved it! Though really, Psyco Haro deserves a win sometime, he's not bad, just misunderstood." She pauses, clears her throat, and pretends she didn't just gush over a children's show. "Right, coffee it is!"
A second, plain white mug is soon being filled with quality store brand coffee, as Nova remarks. "Hope you don't mind it without milk... got sugar, though." She indicates the XL pack of sugar cubes next to the machine. After setting Leina's cup down on the table, she grabs four cubes for her own coffee without batting an eye.
"...What you can do for me," she repeats, in a tone that sounds skeptical. It's less that, and more that she's worried. The embarrassment she'd been anticipating must be on its way. Figuring she'd better sit down for this, she retrieves her chair from the behind the desk, wheeling it over to the table before seating herself.
She doesn't end up actually touching her coffee, after that. She listens, instead, to the situation that Leina describes. Her widening eyes are plenty to give away that this is familiar, and she's started to piece together what this is all about. In the end, she glances aside at nothing in particular. "...It's been a long time since it's been that bad. But I understand what you're getting at." She looks back to Leina with a confused expression. "How could you...?" Her eyes are squinted slightly as she regards Leina, wondering, and doubting, if she could have experienced the same thing. And if not, how she could even attempt to describe what it's like.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Leina's response to talking about a previous miracle, is simply a muted, "Mmm." One's philosophy of miracles is in the end, hardly why she's here.
Her prior perspective on miracles is not something that is likely to endear herself to the self-proclaimed miracle maker.
Instead she focuses on the anxiety and insecurity, because she's used to attuning herself to the feelings of a person in the room.
In a sense, it's comforting, knowing without a doubt that it's a facade. The grandiosity - she'd have a hard time dealing with someone like that.
But knowing what's beneath...? It's much easier to proceed.
"Yep!" She beams as she confirms it, "Been a Magical Girl fan from way back, so I wrote it for the kids, included some Tokusatsu inspiration because well - you know? Wasn't meant to just be for girls."
A soft chuckle, and a faint grin, "And yeah I just wanted to keep it simple this go round. Including that kind of nuance, I'd have to extend the length and our programmers were all volunteers."
A small gesture of a hand towards the misunderstood Psyco-Haro. "Kids are better at that sorta thing than most give them credit for, but - attention span at that age is limited."
It's a surreal thing to think about, talk about, in retrospect, that she wrote it before she was taken by the Vist Foundation - but ran it while she was in their thrall.
If only...
No, she can't think that way, "Fine by me. 'Black as night and sweet as the devil's kiss'." As Leina utters her own saying for coffee like that. "Kind of the ideal way to savor coffee for me, even if I'm no purist like some people I know."
Once the mug is set down, she settles down beside it in another seat, not picking up the coffee mug at first as she describes what it's like-
-and it's only when she's finished talking about the 'House that Whispered Built' that she lifts it up, taking a sip. Her green eyes flecking with sympathy as she says it's been a long time.
"I'm glad you're coping." Before she murmurs quietly, "Some don't." Her eyes stare into the murky surface of the coffee for a while, as Nova asks, confused-
-and she takes a few long moments to collect her thoughts away from the images she saw from Tessa, of blood on the walls.
"Hm. It's not like that for me, if that's what you're asking. As you might suspect from everything that happened, I'm a Newtype." A thin crease of a smile, as if she were confirming the obvious, "But a side effect of being a Newtype is that we instinctually try to connect with... people like us."
She raises a hand at that point, "Often all it takes is... a handshake. That contact."
As her fingers spread out, she turns her hand, to contemplate it. "I've made that kind of contact with... three others like you. Enough times that I can pick out that feeling, as something different than Newtypes. It's always a little alarming - like being drawn in." As she remembers the eyes, Shari, she adds, "Sometimes it's... worse than others."
She then leans forward subtly, cradling her coffee in both hands, "It might be that I'm one of the few people in the world that can sense those differences, now." Looking across the table she asks, "December 24th, UC 0079 right? Your birthday?"
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
If she were being completely honest, Nova would have to admit, it's nice to casually speak about things she enjoys that she isn't strictly the target audience for, anymore. But complete honesty is not what the girl calling herself Nova Stellar commonly does, that much is clear. This sort of thing doesn't fit in with the mask she's wearing. And once she's realized it, there's no way she can get back into it any more. She just awkwardly clears her throat instead. "Yes, well... that was a nice thing to do, for the children, is what I meant to say."
She's trying so hard, but she's just the worst at maintaining a consistent act without any cracks. She has to know how obvious it is, right? Yet even so, she doesn't drop it. This is important. Because if she doesn't...
Well, what happens then is something she's been showing plenty of signs of. Not being nearly as cool below the surface as she likes to think she sounds under the guise of Nova Stellar. But coffee with four sugars, that's evidently fine either way. During the moment of silence of Leina, she reaches for her cup, and quickly drinks half of it before sitting it back down. It's hot enough to make her grimace, but she couldn't wait, she needed that right now. This is evidently going to be an even tougher conversation than she reckoned it would.
Coping... is she coping? She supposes she must be. She's never felt like she was doing anything except what made the most sense to her at the time. But then, she's not dealing with it by herself, without any help. Others...
Well, of course 'others' would not include Leina. That wouldn't make any sense. She nods, in affirmation that yes, it was obvious to her as well that they were not the same, in that regard.
"I could tell. Not sure how, exactly, but. I've noticed the difference. It's, uh. Emotional? In a way that whatever's going on with me isn't as much."
Well, now she's pretty glad that she didn't offer Leina a handshake earlier. Her discomfort at the notion of 'connecting' like that is palpable. Even though in the heat of the moment, she's certainly done things like that, herself. It's more thinking to herself out loud when she notes, "...I heard their voices, back then. Their immediate thoughts, their inner thoughts, all jumbled up, but, I could make sense of it. And I knew that... they were like me." Only then does it fully register what Leina said, and she looks up with a start. "Wait, you too...?"
And, there's more. Her eyes grow wide when that date is spoken aloud. The mask cracks, then shatters, as Naoko almost falls out of her chair.
"How do you know that?! I haven't told anybody! On this ship, or-- have you been to Akaigawa? I don't know how else you could possibly..." She trails off as the initial shock passes, starting to piece together that there must be something that she's missing.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Leina definitely doesn't shame Nova for her interests, after all, she's a Magical Girl and a Haro fan at her age. Interests should transcend age.
Otherwise... the act of adulthood carves something out of people, until their hearts are hollow, just like the people in that room.
She does smile at her, "It's okay. I get it." Without saying what 'it' is, or that she got a glimpse beneath the mask.
She's fully settled in with coffee now, listening to Nova. Indeed she didn't offer her a handshake for that very reason. It can be... traumatic, for both parties involved.
Not everything about being a Newtype is wonderful, even if she's accepted the realities of it.
A nod is given, as she describes all she could hear. "That's.. fairly common, from what I understand. You have to be careful than Newtypes. You could... lose yourself within that."
Yet when the mask shatters, the emotions in that moment that she feels indirectly, the intentions - they cause her to start, the jolt causing her own coffee to splatter upon her wrist. She hastily puts it down, wiping her wrist against her jeans with a wince as Nova yells in a panic.
"... Calm down." She says sternly, "Your secrets are safe - even from me. That's not why I know that." Leina waits for a moment to make sure she does, then- "All of you were born on that day - within just a few minutes of each other."
Again, she repeats it evenly, trying to calm the anxiety, "I don't know anything about you - except what you are, and what you did for me - and what I've seen in this room right now."
As she outlines it in no uncertain terms, "I'm not here to dredge up your past, to out you, to do any of those things."
Her eyes close, and she takes a deep breath, "I can't tell you everything I know - it would betray the trust of some people that mean a lot to me, but it's not fair for you to remain wholly ignorant either."
Her eyes then open anew, staring at her with a certain gravity, "In fact, it's exceedingly dangerous. The things you can do - the things you've created. There are so many groups that if they knew about you, they'd do everything in their power to capture you and spirit you off to some lab."
Her own sense of calmness starts to waver, then crack at that moment, as she tears her eyes away, to look down, as she catches her opposite hand to steady it and hold it there.
"Just like they did... me." As she whispers, taking a few seconds to just, let herself breathe, "You have to be careful, flaunting these things you can do. Even being in a place like you are now isn't protection enough on it's own."
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
Naoko certainly would agree with age not mattering where it comes to one's interests. Except that she has a self-imposed image to uphold. Which she's been doing pretty poorly, but never mind that. No chance of a hollow heart here, just a guarded one.
She feels a sudden chill, at the notion of 'losing herself'. That's something she'd instinctively realized... after that one time. "...When I fought Shari, the first time. We connected, somehow, and she got so angry at me. When I thought back on it later, I don't know what made me get really angry at her too, but I'm starting to see that... I was angry, because she was angry."
It's not a description that does it justice. But Leina probably knows that it's not as simple as she made it sound. It went... deep. In a way that Naoko herself doesn't understand.
Soon, though, she is too distressed to think about that anymore. Not so much because it was something she was trying to keep secret, but simply because Leina knew something she couldn't have. But the notion of having to wonder about just how much she was spied on is quickly dispelled, which is, notably, also readily believed. Naoko doesn't like the idea of having to doubt Leina, and so she doesn't. Not always strictly wise to trust so easily, but it comes natural.
'All of you', she is told. So, it's true then. She isn't just 'like' certain people. This is something that people can be, like Newtypes. There is an incredible sense of pure relief, upon that realization. Of being something that can be defined, rather than a Something Else.
She is all too ready to listen, not quite calmly, but with an undercurrent of... not so much alarm, rather excitement. In spite of Leina's cautions, her happiness at learning what she just did is overriding common sense, in so far as it was there to begin with. It doesn't start to die down until Leina relates the matter to herself. When it's about someone else, then she gets concerned.
Even so, in the end, she can't help herself. Appropriate or not, as soon as silence falls following Leina's words, Naoko laughs, at her own expense, devoid of actual amusement. When the moment passes, she presses the fingers of her right hand against her forehead, sinking down in her seat. Her voice has become a lot softer than it was before.
"...You know something funny? When you first said that date, I briefly thought 'ah, so that's it'. I'd... forgotten when it was, my birthday. Like, was it the 24th, or the 25th? Didn't feel like it really mattered, you know? To think that it was the key to everything..."
Being so unsure about her own birthday, when it coincides with Christmas time on top of that... that implies its own things. Which may help to explain that when she laughs once again, it sounds like she's closer to crying.
"I guess what saved me was... living in the sticks. Nobody noticed me. That's funny, I always thought everybody noticed, how I wasn't like everyone else." A cross between a chuckle and a sob escapes her. "All this time... I've wondered what was wrong with me. I always knew I was, you know... smart. But that didn't begin to explain the things I could do."
She needs a moment, to take a deep breath, before she can look Leina in the eyes again. "...Can you at the very least tell me what it's called? This... condition, I guess?"
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
As she describes the connection with Shari, Leina flinches, then her expression goes slack, as she sighs tiredly, "It's... I don't know what it's like. There's something, lost in translation when a Newtype tries to connect with someone like you. Like - falling into a hollow - a wound. You get swept up in the... Deja Vu."
There's a deep breath, and, "What it feels like to me in those moments is - that the two of you are blending together, losing distinction between one and the other."
Leina looks distant as she adds, "Be careful with Shari, there's something she's tied to, something different from the norm. If you make contact with it - it could be very bad for you."
Indeed, Leina feels the undercurrent of excitement, and it's perhaps, understandable, the elation of knowing what one is - in the same way as an epiphany about one's self, one's identity.
Two fingertips massage a temple in a circle, as she considers it, even as Nova laughs, and Leina blinks to see Nova's fingers against her forehead.
For a moment she looks at her forearm, then drops the hand.
"Oh. That's..." As she tells her 'something funny' there's a look of sympathy perhaps. People don't... forget their birthday for no reason after all.
"... funny yeah." She manages to squeeze out a smile, putting it on like a sticker in that moment. And again she listens...
"That feels likely. I know how it is? Grew up on a poor Colony that noone paid any real attention to. Didn't get any real traffic. Still - you're lucky, people who stand out in places like that are just about the only thing that draw outside attention."
However, Nova then asks that - that one thing, and there's an audible sigh, "Figures you'd ask the one thing that's not my place to say. Even after I started making contact with so many of you - passing names their way, they kept it classified from me. And only revealed it to me..."
Leina makes eye contact with her, "... when I was a brainwashed sleeper agent... of Vist. Sorry, I can't, not that. It's too dangerous, betrays too much. I already ruined so much for them, made their lives a living hell because some asshole had carte blanche on whatever was in my head."
She does straighten up, anticipating her disappointment, "But, with your permission - I can pass you along to the organization that helps people like you. They do a lot of good work extracting people like you out of labs - to make sure they can live the lives they want."
Picking up her coffee, she takes another sip, putting it down, "Given that you're not a civilian, their usual paradigm might shift. It's more likely they'll want to speak to you."
She's not SAYING they're some folks that Nova's already crossed paths with on Ambon... but perhaps it's not too difficult to guess either, given all the psychic chaos that happened there.
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
Naoko presses her lips into a thin line when Leina speaks of blending together, losing distinction. She doesn't say anything, but it might as well be a direct confirmation. Now that she's heard it, this is the only correct way it feels to describe what was going on there. If a strong psychic event hadn't snapped the two of them out of it back then...
Without even thinking about it, she replies to the notion of Shari being tied to something bad with, "I know." When she realizes that has Implications, she quickly corrects, "I'm fine, I'm fine! It's not... whatever's happening to her isn't happening to me. But... I think it, probably saw me." Hard to think it wouldn't have. Those eyes... She shakes her head, pushing that image back down.
The matter of her birthday doesn't seem to be an active concern, certainly not by comparison. She does chime in on the matter of lack of visibility, "Ah, but that depends on the way you stand out, doesn't it? Everybody knew me as the Gifted Child, but you know, smart kids happen, not that big a deal. I think I proooobably would've been in more trouble if anybody saw the things I worked on, back home."
It makes sense. Until you think a little deeper about what that implies. A total lack of visitors, or some way of operating within complete secrecy? Perhaps a little bit of both.
Obviously, when told she can't know the one thing she asked, Nova looks a little miffed. It's just a name, a thing to call it, what harm could it possibly do to know that? It takes Leina's personal circumstance for her to realize it, upon which she looks apologetic. "...I guess I still didn't realize what a big deal it is, to some. I mean, I just build things, it's normal to me..."
She certainly 'just does' a lot of things, that's her way of life. Kind of a miracle in itself that it hasn't gotten her in more trouble than it has.
And yet, evidently there is an organization that's all about gathering people like her that Leina does trust. But, can Naoko? The frown on her face says otherwise. "You're talking about... the Toy Box." It's not even really a guess. She could sense the intent, from the resonance at Ambon. Unfortunately, that's not the only time she sensed intent from it.
"...Its captain is scary," she states simply, but with an odd amount of gravitas. Another instance where her words undercut the depths of her feelings on the matter, because she couldn't possibly describe the way it felt. That massive amount of murderous intent, felt on so deep a level... she has some reservations about that, to put it mildly. "I... don't feel very comfortable about that."
She looks away, at her half a mug's worth of forgotten coffee. "I'm already getting more help than I probably deserve, so... they'd be better off helping the people who need it more before worrying about me. ...Like Shari."
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
When Nova says that she was seen Leina looks up in genuine alarm, "Wait - wait are you sure? Like you haven't had any after effects? She hasn't - showed up again outside of that?"
Now it's her turn to look a little terrified, "Oh God. God. When it happened with me it was like she was trying to erase my... identity, because she hated me."
She places both hands, folded in front of her mouth, trying to contemplate this turn of events.
"Shit." Leina sums up this turn of events with a singular word. "Okay. It's... probably fine, so long as that's the last you see of it."
That doesn't sound that REASSURING?!
Instead she barrels on towards, "Yeah that makes sense it's just... there's 'Gifted' and there's - you. What you do is way above just 'Gifted'. So all I can say is I'm glad you were able to keep it under wraps."
It sounds at least, like there aren't many people from her past that could out her? Even if Leina doesn't know about it - which is definitely reassuring.
Leina actually fully understands her being 'miffed' about it. If their roles were reversed, she'd be worse than that. And - indeed, Leina thinks it's tremendously unfair how Mithril treats Whispered, but...
... she owes them more than giving away their secrets at this point, they'd be mad enough at her already for this.
"It-" Leina looks away, "-when you put it that way it feels like this is an overreaction, doesn't it? But, it's definitely more complicated than that. Don't - let anyone who knows what they're doing examine what you can make." Leina warns quietly, "Just don't. That's the dead giveaway there."
When Nova speaks about the Toybox, Leina cants her head, "Kinda?" She starts, but when she mentions its Captain, a small laugh barks out of Leina. "Scary? I-"
She has to hold it in, the suppressed laughter, as she pinches her nose, and shakes her head, "I - you'd have to know her." She explains, as to why it's funny to her.
"Let's just say, most of the time? She wears a mask too."
Wait, Nova and her never talked about it? But perhaps it's obvious to Leina after this interaction. It kinda has to be.
But she also knows there's moments when Tessa is... well, she doesn't want to say.
"Okay. If you'd prefer not, then I won't. I'd... encourage it, but if you're not comfortable I'll leave it be." Leina says softly, before the invocation of how they should help Shari, "Shari's... situation is complex. I'm not sure that their usual methods will work."
Leina spells out to her quietly, "Look... I'll just say, I know her personally. And - the problem is that even if they extracted her from her situation, it wouldn't last... the people she's working for..."
Leina gives Nova a low key terrified look, "... we literally don't know how to counter some of the things they do. She'd come for her, and there's nothing that could be done to stop her."
There's this long drawn out inhalation of breath, "We're at a point where she needs to be willing to save herself. Where she needs to figure out something that can - prevent them from coming for her. But she doesn't have much incentive to try? I'm... doing things, to try and convince her to consider a life away from them."
Rubbing the side of her face, she puts a hand on the underside of her chin, raising the coffee cup for another sip, "Would you believe I just finished giving her the hook up with a boy in the GUTS program?"
Now is the moment where Leina truly does gauge Nova's reaction closely, as she's ever the shipper - and Shari did seem awfully grumpy about her, "She is pretty lonely, so you know, I thought - it might help kickstart the process."
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
Wow is that ever not reassuring!! Obviously Naoko looks more scared by the second when Leina is making it out to be... much more than she's noticed of it. She can only stammer, "I-It's not like that, I guess it was just-- um..."
What do you even say when something that happened seemed to have affected someone else far more than it did you? It's enough to make her second-guess herself about what happened. Even with that image of the eyes burned into her brain. Is there some reason why it went differently for her? She does appear to be less... haunted, than most of her kind, but... she has no answers for questions in that regard. "...I'll, uh. I'll let you know if anything changes?" That's the best she's got.
Regarding preserving the secrets of her work, however... she finds a moment for smug pride. "Heh. Who do you think you're talking to? Keeping the secrets of my greatest miracles to myself is a matter of course!" Definitely the best at keeping secrets. Even if that were true, there's still other concerns that could give her away, and she might not even notice herself doing them.
Normally, Naoko is quick to doubt herself if people laugh at something she said, but not this time. She really is afraid of what she felt, back then. Granted, it wasn't directed at her, but... it wasn't not directed at her either. A challenge to all comers... no, a promise, of what will happen to all those who fall out of favor.
Her dissatisfied expression breaks instantly at the mention of 'wearing a mask, too'. Because she apparently is just incapable of not making it obvious when she's busted. She doesn't reply to it though, not straight away. "...Maybe someday," is all she's ready to promise in regards to meeting the people who could give her the answers she's been looking for. For now, it's enough to know the answers are there.
Where it comes to Shari, though... Shari needs all the help she can get. And it's plain to see that she doesn't like hearing about how complex it is, and how unsure everything is, and nothing can be easily done. It all sounds like excuses to her. She makes a fist, and finally swings her arm off to the side.
"You don't understand!"
Her expression immediately softens, and she quickly corrects herself. "...No. You do understand. You understand very well. She feels trapped. She doesn't believe there's any other way out there other than just... keep going the way she has. She's just quietly hoping that things will get better for her, while being completely convinced they never will."
It is perhaps not necessary to spell out where she's going with this, but she does so anyway. "That was you, back then. If you still don't understand why I absolutely needed to help you - that was me, too, once upon a time. Nobody helped me when I needed it most. I just got lucky. So I promised, I vowed... nobody else will need to depend on luck if there's anything I can do about it! Those who think no miracles exist for them... I will create that miracle with my own two hands!"
Perhaps her 'mask' isn't so far removed from her actual self, after all. Though if she were wearing it, there would be more bluster following. Instead, she explains herself further, eyes cast down. "...I know I act big sometimes, but the truth is... I just really believe in the saying, 'a single pebble can tip a scale'. If I can create even a small ripple, that's a change that could make all the difference." Her expression turns sour when she looks back to Leina. "...That said, I sure wish the ripples I can personally create were larger."
All told, she is clearly quite passionate about helping Shari. But she is also still quite hapless when a conversation gets turned in that direction. From the beginning, she was expecting to suffer embarrassment. But when the moment for that arrives, it still blindsides her completely. Turning bright red at the mere implications of a 'hookup', she is instantly reduced to a stuttering mess. "Wh-wh-wh-- why are you t-telling me about that?!"
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
As Nova stammers it out, Leina instantly feels like kicking herself, "Sorry I - I get real intense about this. Like, something similar happened to my girlfriend? They tried to use her magic on her and-"
She rubs her face, "-and the person who did it was someone I knew, just the sweetest person that Doctor Kafim turned into Yuliana's support animal - just wholly obsessed with her. It's- yeah. Whatever that thing is - it's all of that-"
She sweeps a hand in the air in a circle as a gesticulation of what she means, "-just on a grander scale. And I worry about what it means that I made, contact with it? Nngh..."
When Nova shifts into speaking about how secret keeping is a matter of course, Leina gives her this almost 'coy' sort of look, "How could I have forgotten?" She certainly looks willing to play along to some degree but, unfortunately also 'You're not fooling me.'
And when her expression breaks on the mention of the mask, and Leina just watches her for a time, before nodding, "That's fair. Like I said - your choice. You change your mind? Let me know, and I can facilitate it. Maybe it'll happen anyway on its own since well-?" She makes a gesture like 'You know' on the two having crossed paths, "But I promise I won't bring you up to them on my own."
When Nova finally swings her arm in that gesture, with that call of 'You don't understand!' Leina bristles, but as a Newtype she understands the frustration inherent in the gesture.
There's a sense of sternness in her voice, "Okay. I get that you're just frustrated but - I literally knocked on her door and talked to her about it a few days back. I'm not sure you understand. Yeah you know how she feels but you don't know the context of WHY she feels that way."
Leina then clears her throat, as she starts to outline it, "She's literally being psychically tortured by this being. And if she doesn't help Doctor Kafim - it gets worse. It only quiets down when she's near Yuliana. She's convinced herself that her situation is 'not so bad' to make it all easier to deal with on a day to day. So yeah trapped is accurate."
She then gestures with her fingers, "Doctor Kafim? She's MAYBE immortal, regenerates, can mind control people with a gesture - can turn someone inside out with another, teleport anywhere and can find Shari no matter where she goes - effortlessly. Shari's terrified if she runs that Elisa will kill everyone involved and she's almost certainly RIGHT!"
It's perhaps harsher than needs to be, but she needs Nova to understand why this situation is not one for just talk of a miracle.
She does take a breath at that point, and puts a hand over her mouth, "I..." Something cracks in that moment, "... It's so much, both her and Yuliana and- it's... overwhelming. At least with me..."
She closes her eyes, forces herself to calm down, and eventually lowers the hand, as her voice softens, "Sorry... the situation just gets to me sometimes. I appreciate you reaching out to me - seeing... something of yourself in my situation. It's... pretty similar to why I'm reaching out to the two of them?"
Her eyes lift to her, "Yuliana just - I see something of a girl I once knew in her situation." Her eyes fall, "She- didn't make it."
Again a breath, and another, and- "Normally I'm not too enamored with miracle talk." Leina says gently, "But, I do believe in the miracle of people giving an actual shit. So - yeah. I can get on board with that. Enough ripples? Got me out, got Akane out. It's... what I'm trying to do right now."
She rubs her face, and- "Just, sucks sometimes. And - I'm still in recovery right now? God - I shouldn't be doing this, but I just can't help it, because if I don't?"
A gesture as if to say, 'who will?'
When Nova starts to become a stuttering mess over the 'hookup' Leina finally calms herself down, allowing herself to push past the seeming hopelessness of the situation, to smile coyly again, as a faint tease enters into her voice, "Well, because I'm creating ripples, obviously."
A tilt of her head, and a smile, as her hand shifts to card through her short hair, "And you do seem real passionate about her situation, so I thought maybe - I could recruit you into creating more."
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
Naoko never realized exactly how personal this all is for Leina, hearing more details regarding past atrocities she was unaware of. She would certainly never have suggested a lack of understanding had she known all the circumstances involved. To her, so far this has been little more than 'bad vibes all around', without getting much more specific a concern than that. Well, that and, on a more personal level, 'crazy axe murderer shutting down my mental connections'. She'd never even begun to seriously consider actual magic was involved with any of it, having thought of it in the 'unexplained science' sense.
There's nothing she can say. She can only let all of that wash over her. Quietly, with her head down. ...And of all things, experiencing nostalgia. It's been so long since the last scolding of this magnitude. There's no negative connotations to scoldings in her mind. If people are taking the time to yell at you at length, it means they care, and want you to understand.
She offers no argument in return. What she offers instead is more of a statement. "I'm sorry. I spoke out of turn, without being aware of all the facts. Your personal circumstances give you every right to be upset. My suggestions were inadequate to the situation at hand. I promise to do better."
Even though she meant every word sincerely, it's so... mechanical. Like she's following the script of what she knows she's supposed to do at this time, regardless of the way she feels. Yet when she raises her head again, she's back to her normal self in short order, as if nothing happened. "Well, now that I know that... makes it all the more clear what kind of miracle we're going to need here, hm? Got my work cut out for me... but I enjoy a challenge. Don't worry - I promise I won't do anything hasty. But I do promise to impress you."
She seems puzzled by the apology. And even more puzzled by the desire to reach out to Yuliana. Leina's got to know she's talking about the axe murderer, right? "Look, I really do appreciate you telling me all this... so, it's fine-- I won't say I get it, but I can see how much this gets to you. I think we just, uh, stumbled there, a bit. Didn't mean any harm, and I know you didn't either. We can just, see eye to eye on the 'screw laying around when there's someone I could be helping' thing, right?"
Perhaps it's for the best that what was left of her stride is completely ruined by her complete inability to handle the subject of hookups. And her bad habit of ending up asking questions she didn't really want to hear the answer to. Leina isn't even saying anything explicit, it's her own brain extrapolating things and sabotaging her attempt at a proper response.
"I... I... I..." For a moment there, it feels as if she's never going to get past that letter. Until finally she blurts out, insistently, "I don't know what you meaaaaaan!!"
It would probably have been more convincing if she didn't yell it while covering her face and running out the door. She even forgot to come up with an excuse for running away this time...