2024-06-09: All I Ever Wanted
- Log: All I Ever Wanted
- Cast: Naoko Suzuki, Eight Orlodhari
- Where: Eight's office, Ra Mari II
- OOC - IC Date: 0099-06-09
- Summary: Naoko informs Eight about the completion of her project, and in the process, is forced to deal with the knowledge of somebody being aware of the truth about her nature. Thankfully Eight is understanding, and the two can see eye to eye on the matter. Then the matter of Naoko's parents comes up...
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
Since a few days ago, there's been a new sight in the hangars of the Ra Mari II. Or rather, an old sight, given a drastic makeover. After being left empty for well over a year, the space reserved for Naoko's Sukeban is once again occupied with an Arm Slave much sleeker than the previous iteration. A matter that was likely been brought to Eight's attention at some point while she's been aboard the ship, she may even have seen it there herself. With Naoko sending a request for an appointment with Eight shortly after, it's not hard to guess what it is she wants to talk about. Of course, there is also that slight other matter of recent news leaked onto certain video game forums...
Whatever the case may be, Naoko was surprised to receive an invitation so quickly, but she's not complaining. Nor is she complaining about the meeting place being on the very ship where she lives, it's all very convenient.
Always punctual, Naoko arrives almost on the dot of the appointed hour, greeting Eight with a bright smile. "Hello! Thank you for seeing me on such short notice! That was surprising, I can only imagine how much busier you must be lately." She looks about the office, having not been in there for a long time, noting whatever changes there may or may not have been since last time.
She's not waiting long before making the important announcement: "Not sure if you've heard already, but my project is done! Thank you so much for all your support, I'd never have managed it otherwise!"
Her bow at the waist is one of sincere gratitude, and she's sincerely elated about this development... but in the presence of a Newtype, it's impossible to keep hidden that there are other emotions being kept hidden behind that smile. An overtone of worry, and an undertone of sadness.
<Pose Tracker> Eight Orlodhari has posed.
In fact, Eight has seen the Sukeban! She makes a point of looking at the hangars while she's here--and Lavhi pointed it out to her too. But he's not here; the request was to meet with Eight, and Eight is thus here in the office aboard the ship.
The office is sparser than it once was; her personal effects have mostly been moved to her office in Magallanica. It's not as homey as it was. But it's still welcoming, still has a few chairs ahead of the desk, and still has tablets with photographs of Eight's family.
What's missing is mostly the hockey stick and the little model of the original Ra Mari.
Bu Eight smiles back, standing up to greet Naoko as she arrives. She's in uniform, since she's on the ship, her Admiral's stripes prominent on the sleeve and on the breast pocket.
And the hat, of course.
"You're welcome," Eight answers. "I have been, but it's worth making time. Besides, with the outing to Asticassia I was aboard anyway."
The project... "You're quite welcome. It looks like it's paid off. I'm quite curious about what you did!"
A pause. She notices hat worry and sadness...
"Congratulations on your accomplishment. But why don't you have a seat, and tell me what's on your mind?"
Eight sits, too.
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
Naoko takes note of missing elements in the office - makes sense, she supposes, when Eight isn't on the ship all the time anymore, having a home off the ship now. That's normal, having another place to return to. She's pretty sure she's the weird one, having focused on making her room on the ship into a more comfortable living place, rather than putting any time or effort in finding some place else to live.
Not that it bothers her... or, it didn't used to. It's fine when she's keeping busy. But with her project completed, and the matter of 'home' having returned to the forefront of her mind in a painful way not long ago... well, that sadness is there for a reason.
In her mind, that is, not on her face. She's all smiles there, waiting for the invitation to sit before approaching further. "Okay, good, glad I'm not inconveniencing you!"
"Thank you," she adds before sitting down. "It took a long time, but trust me, it's all worth it. The new model is faster, but also sturdier if you can believe it. I'll have to thank Sayaka for the Japanium." Completely forgetting the rare -san she normally adds to Sayaka's name in her enthusiasm. "I made a new alloy that - well, I uh, I should test how it works out in practice, but if it all goes according to theory and simulations, it's gonna be quite something."
For a fleeting moment, she looks as uncomfortable as she feels beneath the surface, idly fiddling with her left braid. "It's... hard to judge how much I should say otherwise, since what it can do is a little... abstract, and hard to explain. But, if you have any questions about it, I'm happy to try and answer." Smile returning, she is far more confident in her following assertion: "But it goes without saying that I'm ready to support Kakapo squadron again. I would never have gotten this chance if it wasn't for you, so you bet you can count on me using it to help out, in whatever way you need me to!"
This is obviously not all of 'what's on her mind', but it seems to be what she's choosing to stay focused on.
<Pose Tracker> Eight Orlodhari has posed.
Eight loved living on the ship--having all her friends close by, just a few decks away at most. But they're moving on, and so is she: new duties, new homes...
Well. Eight is here now. She sees Naoko's smile and focuses on that first. "Not at all," she confirms.
"Faster and sturdier? That's good." Sayaka... Yes, Naoko mus be excited. "My husband would probably be the better one for that conversation," she admits. "I see results more than mechanisms. I'll take your word for it for now."
"...But is it at all related to something called a 'Lambda Engine'?" she asks at length.
"I'm happy that you can support our operations again. I thought it was worth it, to support you--and I still do. All the better if we get something out of it."
"...But there's things I should talk to you about, too," she says. "There's this data that leaked... and I believe it concerns you. You should know about it, if you don't already."
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
Naoko has no idea about Eight's feelings on those matters. She sees and thinks in patterns - if many people are doing a thing and she isn't even interested in doing that thing, then she's the odd one out and thus a weirdo. That's the logical conclusion, isn't it?
"Ahaha... I guess so," she admits, scratching her head. "I try to be mindful of that, getting excited about things that I can't really explain in a way that'll make sense to most people." If she gets really deep into it, it may not even make sense anymore to Lavhi, either. Not to mention that it's probably unwise to go too much into detail about these things... which sucks, she doesn't want to come off as if she doesn't trust anybody. It's just... better that way.
Of course that pretty much goes out the window as soon as Eight even begins to say the word 'Lambda'. She's not... stunned by it, exactly, because the pieces immediately slide into place. Her eyes only widen briefly, and then she lowers her head, expression now more honestly displaying the worry she feels regarding... everything.
'Everything' being the exact thing that Eight proceeds to bring up, undoubtedly having noticed the wind having been taken out of Naoko's sails. It's a considerate way of bringing it to the fore, not immediately hard calling her on the whole thing. But, it's also a bit frustrating. "...You don't need to beat around the bush. You can already tell I'm aware, can't you? I don't know what I was expecting... of course you'd hear about it and put two and two together.
It's... sort of a relief, not having to keep it hidden. But it leads to so much more uncertainty that she can't really feel relieved. She straightens up in her chair, placing her hands on the desk.
"...Yeah. That data was about me, and the people like me. I refitted Sukeban to interface with the new type of Lambda Driver I developed for it." Eight should know enough that she figures that information will be enough to summarize 'I can do things no one should be able to do'. And with that, the real question is, "What happens now?"
<Pose Tracker> Eight Orlodhari has posed.
A pity!
Lavnadim is a great engineer--but he's not Whispered. I might well go that way. Bu in the meantime, Eight says, "I don't have to fully understand to appreciate it, at least. That's why you're around, isn't it? You can do the understanding on that front."
Naoko lowers her head, and worries. Eight figured she might, but...
"I figured," Eight says. "But I didn't want to turn this into some kind of interrogation," she adds gently. It may be a relief, but ti's not completely a relief.
"I see. Yes."
She does know enough for hat.
"Nothing has to change for you," Eight says. "I recommend that you act with a mind towards security if you can--I can only protect you when you're on the ship, or in our territory. But I'm not going to ask more of you than I already have."
"It's still your choice what to do, where to go. How to live. ...I will say..."
"Officially, my position on this matter is that the Whispered are deserving of protection, and should be able to live their lives the way they see fit. Without being co-opted by other interests. If any of them should choose to help our cause, great--but my support is not contingent upon your actions."
"...Related, you should know that Yuliana Kafim also knows. She called me to 'helpfully' warn me about you. She played up being very concerned..." Eight shakes her head.
"As for the public-facing matter: the leaks never happened. You're just an engineer and pilot for us, as long as you want to be. That's all."
"...You know at least some about my past, I think. It's... important to me, that people aren't used as things."
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
In a way it saves time, dancing around an issue that Naoko pretty much knew would come up one day or another. She wasn't going to say anything because she very much expected an interrogation would happen, and she isn't ready for that right now. She's still not convinced this won't turn into one, even after Eight says it wasn't her wish. She's an admiral, after all, she has responsibilities. There may not be much of a choice involved.
Which is why she looks surprised when she's told that nothing has to change. 'What do you mean, this changes everything,' her expression communicates, but she says nothing. She's not going to interrupt while Eight makes her position clear. She needs to hear all of it before responding.
Or, that was the plan. But when Yuliana comes up, she can't help herself but interrupt, with all due exasperation. "...Are you kidding me? She's just going to threaten me directly like that?" Of course she assumes that can only be a meant as a threat. There's no way that Yuliana cares about her well-being, she won't believe that for a second. But, she leaves it at that for the time being, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, please, continue."
She hears out what Eight plans to divulge about her, which is... nothing. That finally makes her breathe a sigh of relief.
"I appreciate that. There's no guarantees no one else will figure it out, of course, but... well, Leina already impressed on me how important it is that people don't know the full scope of my abilities. She already knew about the birthday connection, so... I've been aware that there was something tying me together with others born at the same time. Just... not what it was called, or exactly what it meant."
One sigh of relief wasn't enough - another soon follows, as she leans back in her chair. "I... thank you, really. I wouldn't have known what to do if your position had been... anything other than what it is. This is all I have." Sitting straighter, she looks back to Eight. "Don't get me wrong, I want to be here. That way of thinking you have, about things like this... that's what I believe in, too. I also want to help people that are like me. Or... who were like you. If being here gives me that chance, then I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."
<Pose Tracker> Eight Orlodhari has posed.
Eight prefers to be direct, which doesn't always serve her in politics, but seems to work out with her crews. She spots that look from Naoko--and thus just keeps going to explain all of it. The interruption is fair. "Yep. That's just how she is, I suppose." She doesn't explain why she's taking Yuliana's calls--but then, Naoko might remember she was at the PPL, so...
"Other people will definitely figure it out," Eight agrees. "The strange thing is, it would've been in the best interest of any bad actors for us not to know--so that we couldn't take action to protect these people." A nod. Leina knew... Hmm.
"So not even you knew..."
"You're welcome," Eight says simply. "I know." That this is all she has. "...You'll definitely have that chance, with us. I intend to seek out other Whispered, and offer them sanctuary. ...But only offer; you're adults now. I can't rescue you against your wishes. So if they choose to work for people we'd oppose... there's nothing I can do about that. I'm sorry."
"...This does mean I'm worried about that friend of yours, the one who shares your birthday--but I trust the people at the Photon Power League, too. Just know that if you ever have a friend who needs a place to hide out... We can arrange that."
"...Was there anything else on your mind? I know this was pretty big. And I promise you, we will treat it seriously. I consider this information on a need-to-know basis, and frankly, most of our organization does not need to know."
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
Honestly, Naoko would have taken Yuliana's call too. It's better than to be left wondering why someone you don't get along with at all wanted to talk to you. It's a bit of a dismal prospect though, one person who she very much doubts has her best interests in mind already knows all about her. Who knows how many more might be aware, especially if Yuliana decided to share that information.
She hadn't considered that it being out in the open might have a good side to it, but given Eight's stance, she can't but agree. "I guess so... silver lining, huh?"
So also hadn't considered that Eight might not realize that this came as just as much of a surprise to her. "...Yeah. I was keeping it a secret how the stuff I made worked, knowing it was possibly dangerous if people knew how advanced it was, but I had no idea about most of the rest. I wanted to know, but, now that I do... I'd sure rather not everyone knew. Thankfully as far as I've seen, most people online think it's all made up. But... that's not any different than it was for Newtypes, is it?" Eight knows better than most how far certain people ended up going to chase that legend...
She nods in understanding, regarding Eight's intentions towards other Whispered. "You can't help people who don't want to be helped. I wouldn't want to force anybody, either. But, I hope you'll also understand that, if I run into people like me who are on a wrong path... I may not be able to stop trying to convince them anyway."
There has already been one such case... who, thankfully, is on a much better path than before. Eight brings it up before Naoko herself can. "Shari Loom," she confirms. "I'm in regular contact with her, so... she knows. And I agree, she's in good hands at the Photon Power League, but... well, I still worry. I'm glad that you're willing to help her, should it come to that."
'Is there anything else', Eight asks, and Naoko almost laughs. Yeah, this is pretty big, and yet... yet there's something else. Something absolutely ludicrous.
"As a matter of fact, there is. Do you still have people out there looking for my parents? If so, you can tell them to stop. They're fine. I should've known better than to worry."
She's real casual about it, but judging from the undercurrent of her emotions, there can be no mistake. This is where the sadness comes from.
<Pose Tracker> Eight Orlodhari has posed.
It's not great!
But Eight listens to Naoko talk about keeping it secret. "That makes sense to me. It also explains why you couldn't really explain what you were doing. ...I had a feeling there was something unusual about you," she admits, "But to think it's a whole group of people, an works the way it does..." A shake of her head. "You're right though. Most people still won't know, or believe even if they do."
"...That's good," Eight says of what she tries. "I do understand. And maybe you can get through to them where I can't. I can't guarantee I can let you try forever if it comes down to it--But that's a much better route than the alternative."
Shari! Eight nods. "Good," Eight says of this girl she knows by reports. "Given who else is at the PPL, I think it's natural to worry a little. But they're good people there." Yuliana. She means Yuliana.
"I do," Eight confirms. Then she frowns. "...What happened?" she asks.
"If you're willing to talk about it."
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
Naoko nods. It is what it is... she's always worked on things by herself, so that much isn't unusual. But she's certainly wanted to say more about it - let's be honest, brag a little more. She was just told it wouldn't be wise, only now fully realizing how unwise it could be if the wrong people learned about what she can do. That whole 'need to know basis' policy still seems like it's the best one.
"Oh, and, you don't have to worry about Sukeban. By which I mean, I'll keep doing maintenance on it myself. And there's nothing exceptionally weird about it when it's just sitting there, unless you start taking it apart or examine the cockpit." Which, as before, she keeps securely locked when she isn't in it. So it's fine. Probably. Whether or not it's fine once people see what it can do... well, she'll cross that bridge when she gets there.
"I'll do my best," is all she can promise in the end, in general. It would sooner be a struggle to get her to stop doing what she considers her best, if and when that would be in her best interest. Giving any effort 100 percent is easy for her, stopping partway through is not.
Yuliana is, of course, part of Naoko's worries where it comes to Shari. But also... "She has her own apartment in Fujinomiya. I guess it's just... hard to feel that she's safe there, you know?" Since it's not a giant battleship, or a well-defended lab. But that's Shari's choice. And when she thinks about that...
"It makes sense. She isn't interested in fighting. I think all she really wants is to just... live a normal life, as much as possible. Which, I'm starting to feel like that may be the hardest choice of all, for the likes of us."
It's clearly not the choice Naoko's made. And she's fine with that. "I don't think a normal life is for me, but, giving others the chance to have one... that would make me happy."
Quite unlike the situation with her parents, which may well have something to do with all that. She sniffs, looking a little unsure of herself, but starts to talk about it anyway. "Not much to say. They just contacted me out of the blue, asking to see me. So I went to see them. And that's that."
That is obviously not that. If only it were that easy. But she gets upset again just thinking about it. Yet even now, she is far more sad than she is angry.
"They were the same as always. They just... don't get me, at all. They also know what I am now, and do you know what they said? They said they would protect me, that I could go with them and things would be better this time. How the hell am I supposed to believe that? They were never there for me! I just... I just...!" She trails off, her attempt to put her feelings into words falling short.
<Pose Tracker> Eight Orlodhari has posed.
"Good," Eight says. "You can trust Captain Maina about that," she says, "But I think it's best if you continue to handle the maintenance yourself." There are a lot of bridges coming up. It remains to be seen how and if they will cross them.
She'll do her best. That's Naoko, after all. Eight smiles. An then...
"I see," Eight says. She shares some of those concerns, but elects not to worry Naoko about it. "...That's something I can understand wanting," Eight says. "Let's try to give her that chance."
She smiles again, inclining her head. "We all make our own choices. It's important to me too, to let others make theirs."
But her parents... Naoko explains, and her feelings say more than her words a first. Eight frowns, at the explanation.
"...I'm sorry," Eight says. "That's terrible. I don't understand what could make a parent act that way..." She shakes her head. "Well."
"If nothing else, I'm impressed that you've come to know and value yourself that much. That you know what isn't good for you, and you're willing to argue for it."
"I can keep an eye out for them still, if you want. ...But if you want to move on, that's fine, too. It's their failure, not yours."
<Pose Tracker> Naoko Suzuki has posed.
Maintenance was never an issue, of course. Naoko kept saying it, and it was never a lie: maintenance is fun for her. Few things more satisfying than going down the list of issues you've determined until you get an 'all green' at the end. In that regard, too, she sooner does too much for fear of having done too little.
She smiles, glad that Eight agrees with her point of view. It's important to have something concrete to fight for. Freedom of choice for everyone may be a lofty one, but that's never stopped Naoko before. She makes a fist in determination. "Then let's both do our best!"
Such things, to her, are the easy part of life. The harder parts are the more personal ones. Such as her parents.
"It is terrible," she readily agrees. "But the most terrible thing is, they don't even know they're terrible. They think they're doing the best they can, but it's not ever been what I wanted! All I wanted is...!"
Naoko grimaces. She doesn't want to cry again, but she can't stop the tears from happening.
"All I ever wanted was for them to feel pleased with me! To show they appreciate me, for once in their life! All they ever had to do was ask, ask me for anything at all, and I would've done whatever they wanted! But they just... they just went away all the time, a-and I... I..."
Naoko sniffles, and rubs her eyes with her sleeve. "...I'm okay," she says instead of finishing that thought. "I'm just, it makes me so mad. They were never around to say anything, how can they expect me to listen to anything they say now...?"
The worst thing may be that, in spite of what she said, she can't actually just be mad about it. It's predominantly frustration, disappointment, and most of all, sadness, about a broken bridge she doesn't know how to mend.
Which is why, when Eight offers to keep an eye out anyway, it takes a moment for her to respond, in a tiny voice. "...Those two cause nothing but trouble. So, maybe... it would be good to keep an eye on them. Just... to make sure they don't cause any trouble for you." Certainly not for Naoko's sake.
<Pose Tracker> Eight Orlodhari has posed.
"Yes. Let's." Do our best, that is. Eight doesn't make a fist, but she does have a determined expression, so that counts!
They don't even know. That's a nightmare scenario for Eight, of course--becoming so lost that you don't even know how estranged you've become. But it seems that's just fine for those two. Eight gives a sympathetic look, and slides a handkerchief across the table without drawing further attention to it.
"...You deserve that," Eight says. "You should have had it. A child isn't something you can just... set aside."
A nod, then. She's okay. "I'd be mad, too." She doesn't call Naoko out for it being other feelings. "...And I probably wouldn't be listening, either."
But in that tiny voice, Naoko responds, so...
"Then we'll keep them on the list," Eight says. "In case they cause more trouble."
What is this, after all, but trouble itself?