2024-06-02: ?how can i focus on recovery when the very fabric of reality is falling right before my eyeS
- Log: ?how can i focus on recovery when the very fabric of reality is falling right before my eyeS
- Cast: Yuliana Kafim, Elisa Kafim
- Where: The Photon Power Labs / The Silent Castle (Video Call)
- Date: 2024-06-02
- Summary: Yuliana calls her wife to show her her painting, after the diversional therapist Alectros underlines one of the messages of improvement they've been trying to teach her. Elisa has something more important to focus on than self-reflection, though: the Omnisphere. What could it mean, and how useful could these Whispered be to them? What's clear is that Yuliana viewed Shari differently because the Empress embraced her -- and for no other reason. (Content warning: coercive control)
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"... you still kind of feel that pressure, though, don't you?" Alectros asks, as Yuliana regards the chains of her painting.
"I... well," Yuliana sighs, "I suppose I do. The Empress still bears down on me, you know. But it's also that -- you know -- it isn't all so bad," she insists, as she puts her paintbrush down on the ridge of the easel, and presses her fingers to the chained Lattice around her wrist instead. A few scraps of green paint, left behind on her fingers, stay there when her touch lifts; it will wash out in the shower.
(She doesn't take them off.)
"Tell me about that," Alectros encourages her, even though they can guess."Oh, you!" Yuliana laughs, her fingers veiling her lips. "You can't have me talking about personal matters! Though -- though I guess I can say," she retrieves her mind from the gutter in time to actually explain, "you know, Elisa does hold me very close, if you understand my meaning. But it's different when it's her. She actually cares about me... and it isn't as if we don't share the power, either, unlike what happened with them. You know, sometimes, I even --" but she laughs, again, hiding her face behind her hands. "Why, you're terrible!" She exclaims, brightly, fangs flashing in her grin. "Goading me to say such intimate details -- you know you wouldn't survive the night if you managed to hear them!" She's laughing, but...
"Yuliana," Alectros says, evenly, "what did we say about making threats like that?"
Yuliana sours at once, pouting, as she folds her arms across her chest and her tentacles about her knees. "Ugh," she harrumphs, "never mind."
"Come on," they insist. "I just want to know if you remember it."
"You were saying how when I make threats, it makes people agree with me because they're scared I might hurt them," she scowls. "But it was just a joke!"
"We said something about the jokes, too," Alectros reminds her.
"Yeah, yeah... you said that even if I was laughing about it, other people wouldn't find it funny because they were scared I could really do it. Geez, I can't even make jokes any more..." Yuliana, quite grumpy, scowls at a nearby chair. "Come on," she whines, "you know I wasn't really gonna kill you, right? We've known each other since -- what, the war? You're good, you're fine, you really gotta stop listening to gossip."
"I know you wouldn't want to hurt me," which is a more precise reassurance than Yuliana gave them, "but this isn't just about me, Yuliana. It's about how you talk to everyone. You're so used to intimidating people that you don't even stop to think about other options. Like -- you know I'd never gossip about your love life, right?" They gesture to her, and go on, "Yuliana, I'm acting as your therapist right now. You don't need to kill me to keep your private life safe. And that's a problem we're still working on, isn't it? Being able to trust other people."
"Yeah," Yuliana sighs, her shoulders sinking. "I guess so. It's hard for me to trust people, so I threaten them to keep them in line... it's like that, right?"
"That's right," Alectros smiles. "And that's how we keep breaking these chains -- by helping you realise you can trust people. Not just your wife, but other people, too. There are a lot of people who want to help you, Yuliana. You broke out of the REA, and you're breaking away from the Empress... you don't have to feel like you're all tied up when you're just living your normal life. I don't think it's good for you to deal with that all the time." Because, in fact, they've picked up what she's put down. "Okay?"
"I suppose... if it's just my whole life, it's not so... it's a little stifling," Yuliana admits, heaving another sigh. "But... I'm a little ruffled. Maybe we should..."
"We can finish up for today," Alectros assures her.
"But can I stay here a while?" Yuliana goes on, surprisingly meekly, given the threat profile around her. "Since I made something new --"
"Sure," they say, with a sympathetic expression. "I'm sure your wife will love to see."
They try not to remind her she likes to show everything to Elisa -- because their concern is far more with her marriage than her God.
But they give her the space to exist in the art room alone, anyway.
Yuliana grabs her phone from the countertop, and props it up with its backing, so that it can see the whole easel behind her. (And her, coincidentally.) When she dials up her wife -- "Elya!" -- Elisa will see her in a black SNAFU ZAKU shirt and jeans which are mostly-obscured by a painter's smock. And, behind her...
Yuliana's artwork tends to be very precise; she's not an illustrationist as much as a drafter, so it's been hard for her works to escape looking like they belong in a set of blueprints. Here, a set of emerald green chains runs along the back of the canvas, blocked out by a Tiandong 3; in front of it, a series of paler green chains have been broken, hanging down along the bottom of the canvas on both sides.
"I just got done with some more diversional therapy," she explains, smiling to her wife, as she shifts to the side to let Elisa view the image. "I painted something else... see?"
She sounds quite proud of herself.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa Kafim has waited for her wife. She has waited for some time. Oh, sure, she's had other things to occupy her attention, tasks of import--but they are not Yuliana. Yuliana, however, is Yuliana.
And that is well.
"Yuliana," she says, with all the tenderness she never gives to anyone else, says it like a labyrinth. And she regards her wife and her wife's works.
"Yes," Elisa answers. "I see. "To break the chains... And your love of the mechanical shines, in the subject. Fine topics. Tell me more of your feelings, my Yuliana."
She smiles back. "You should be proud."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
And the Minotaur, in the labyrinth, destroys all lost souls trapped there. But in the end, she is...
She is soothed at once, hearing her name from her wife so tenderly. "Oh, Elya," she sighs, lovingly, looking to the camera rather than her works.
"I was thinking about it, you know -- the way the Republic stifled me -- and how the Empress was no different. They all made so many demands of me! They never thought about how I felt at all! It was a lot of pressure, you know, and..." Yuliana pauses, sighing, as her fingers play at her wedding ring.
"... and I didn't even realise I was operating under all that pressure," she says, after a light pause. "I thought it was normal... just my normal life. Even when you rescued me from the Republic," and it's Elisa who rescued her, when she talks about it, now, "I just... I just blamed the Republic. You know? I... didn't look at how the Empress's demands made me feel. I just focused on what I could cope with being bad."
Just what is that therapy doing for her?
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
The way the Republic and the Empress both stifled her. It is not lost on Elisa, that once she was a part of that stifling--but it is different, now. She has come to appreciate Yuliana's unique needs. She is better than the Empress. She has the right to do all that she must.
"It was," Elisa agrees. "Great pressure indeed."
She considers, then...
Hmm. "Yes," Elisa agrees. "Yes, this is so. As surely as one accosted by great light cannot see details for the blinding radiance, you could not comprehend the absence at the time."
Thoughtfully, Elisa says, "Well, you need not merely 'cope' now. We shall thrive."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Elisa is better than them. Elisa actually cares about Yuliana. So...
"That's right," Yuliana smiles, to her wife; she wipes her fingers on her smock, and reaches out to trail her fingers down the screen, as if she could reach through and touch her. (Perhaps she could, with Elisa's magic. But they're being thoughtful.) "I'm not just surviving any more. Trosha even said, you know, trust was how I broke those chains. The more people I can trust, the easier it will be to break away." And she smiles, as if it's perfectly good advice.
"I think I'm making a lot of progress!" She chirps, brightly. "I even remembered why they were bothered by some of my jokes. You know, they say that when I joke about hurting them, it actually scared them? Since they know I could really do it, but if I say it like a joke, it's harder for them to protest. Well, you know, I suppose that is the point of laughing about it, but I never really thought about how it even counts when I'm not trying to stand over someone. I just thought they'd know if they'd really done something to put them in trouble, you know?"
(She softens her statements a lot when she's uncertain about her therapy, you know.)
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"Trust..." Elisa tastes that word, considering it, trying it on. She is not sure she likes this context. "You can trust me with all," she says. "...and to some extent it is wise to rely on others," she allows, magnanimous. "They can do much for you. So long as we consider ourselves above all... It is fair, to think of them when we wish."
Trusting more people.
But Yuliana is making progress. Too much progress by half. "I see," Elisa says. "Yes, it is ineffective communication to frighten when one does not mean to," Elisa considers. "I do think it's important to signal one's displeasure. Like the noble rattlesnake. But for my part, I would simply tell someone they were in danger."
"I do enjoy your jokes, though. I should hope you do not lose your sense of humor for the sake of progress."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Yes," Yuliana agrees, immediately, and gratefully; her sense of trust in her wife, it seems, is unharmed. She nods, as well, when Elisa goes on to generously include other people. "They're helping me," she affirms. "I guess even when they're talking about other people, it's really just so I can communicate myself better... so I don't mind thinking of it like that."
Therapy is helping, but it's not magic, either.
She laughs, fingers veiling her lips. "You're such an honest woman, Elya!" She says, and saying it to her, it's praise. Of course Elisa would never lie! Elisa never lies. "I just think it's funny to make them squirm, but I suppose it is more direct to get straight to the point..." She pauses, though, her laughter fading, looking down for a moment with a thoughtful expression.
"I wonder if that's why it's so easy to be scared of me," she reflects.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"They are," Elisa agrees, though she does not particularly like that, either. The things she does for love... "Yes," she says. "It is important to be the best that one can be, after all. In all things." Probably it's 'empathy' they want to instill, but--
This is not about that.
She smiles back. She is pleased at the compliment. "It is amusing," she agrees. But then--ah, fear.
"They know your strength," she says, as if that is all of it--but then...
"Have you heard?" she asks next, rather than encouraging reflection. "Our intelligence has brought us to understand something quite interesting. A phenomenon known as Whispers."
"It would not surprise me if you already knew, of course."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Of course I want to be the best," Yuliana agrees, missing 'that I can be' in repeating it. "Who wouldn't?"
But of course they know her strength, and...
She blinks, looking to Elisa's screen again. "What'd Letda found now?" She asks, because of course she presumes that Parminder is their intelligence network. (He is the lion's share of it.) "The... Whispers? I can't say I've ever heard of that as its own proper noun -- whisper networks, certainly, but --"
She reaches past the camera on her phone with one of her tentacles, as she retrieves her tablet from the countertop. "Hang on," she says, tapping at it. "He probably sent me an update... I haven't really been looking at it, I've had my hands full with therapy." She's been focusing on recovery. Terrible! But, tap tap --
"Huh," Yuliana exclaims, frowning lightly as she focuses on reading the report.
"... isn't that Sharochka's birthday?"
Yuliana remembered her birthday, anyway.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"Yes," Elisa agrees. Of course.
But Elisa on the screen is thoughtful, and waits for Yuliana to get the tablet and review the information that she was sent. "Indeed," she says. "It is its own matter, it would seem..."
Yuliana frowns, and Elisa inclines her head.
"It is," Elisa says, and if it is strange that she remembered, then she does not draw any attention to that.
"...Shari, who hears the words of the Empress, but many other murmurings besides. Who was able to reach the Void through technology..."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"But... Elya, what could this mean?" Yuliana frowns, as she scrolls through it again. "Sharochka said the 'voices' grew silent, when she was around me. And... I was able to disrupt Asciel's Arm Slave, back then. If these 'Lambda Drivers' are designed to fit into them... then, that artifact she expelled... it does fit the dimensions specified."
She frowns, clearly working through it herself. But what she asks, again, is this: "What could it possibly mean?"
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"It means that our young Shari is connected to more than only the Void."
"...I have come to a theory," she says. "A theory about these Whispered, and about Shari."
"The Empress hungers for them--because She had Shari already. The Empress's power has touched her, made her different from her kind..."
"...But indeed, that is her kind. The Empress must have wished us to gain their power for Her."
"But we will not. Not for Her."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana frowns. "But... Elya, wouldn't I have known if She were so hungry? The only people I can think of which She felt so strongly about were..."
Her brow knits even further.
"But, those girls? She wanted them dead, Elya, dead or subjugated! I -- I didn't even know She wished to control them -- such was Her hatred. It blinded me." Because it's the Empress who is blinding her, here. "Constantly pushing, and pushing, and pushing, but -- but Sharochka wasn't like that! She wasn't even that bad for an Awakened girl, really, I just... I just gave her a hard time..."
Something about it is clearly upsetting her, as she grasps her hands and her tentacles all together in her lap. "She isn't like them," she says, again. "But she's the same as them? But she isn't like them --" something doesn't fit, how is she the same when she feels completely different, it doesn't --
Yuliana takes a breath -- it gasps -- as her hands all tighten. "But," she says, thinly, "but Sharochka was working with you -- even -- even before we met. She -- the Empress -- just like you said? She influenced her. It must be... it must be that she was already different... the whole time. So I never -- knew."
She takes another breath. It's logical. That's logical. It makes sense. It's fine.
"But that means... that Nova Stellar girl, that 'miracle worker', she's one of them. And that Teletha Testarossa, too... the Toy Box's Captain. She was one of them, too." Was. Yuliana's heard the rumours. "And that Daughter of Bridges, Gayatri D'Cruze... and I think there was at least another one, in that fight. But I wasn't able to get to her..." Of course the mystery Whispered is a girl; why wouldn't Yuliana presume they're all girls, when they've all been girls thus far?
Yuliana frowns. "I... I just don't understand, Elya... why She would feel so strongly about the Whispered. We didn't even know about them... so, why... does She care?"
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Yes, only the Empress blinds Yuliana. Elisa allows her to come to that conclusion, when she makes it. It is easier that way. Simpler that way. Something doesn't fit, but Shari was already working with her, and...
Yes. It's logical.
Elisa merely looks thoughtful as Yuliana thinks it out, and then, "There were many," she says. "And she was different--but the evidence suggests that she is related, though we did not know it."
That much is true.
"...Why is she able to influence Shari, but not these others? The Whispers do not come from the Void, of that I am certain, with their talk of the Omnisphere and the fact that you do not hear them. This is another thing I do not know... But perhaps we can learn."
"We do not yet know why She felt so strongly. ...But it might be a clue to Her vulnerabilities. The answer may lie with them. ...We must not kill them, or allow them to be killed. But if we could use them..."
"You said that you wished young Shari to have her own life. But need that life necessarily be separate from ours, should she choose it?"
"...and these others you have offered no such generosity. I believe that I should research these phenomena. I believe that I should study them."
"Something other than you about which the Empress cares so terribly much..."
"Yes. It must be important. It must be potent."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
It's easier, and simpler, and the simplest solution is always the best. Elisa would tell her if she was wrong, wouldn't she? But instead, she just decides she was related. They couldn't have known; her connection masked it.
It's not like anything happened that might have brought it into question.
"Mm... if they're really so rare... we can't just let them die." Yuliana accepts it easily enough, fingers playing at her ring again to lend her some support in these stressful times. Her generosity... "Should we... invite them in, Elya? Even if it's not to secure them for Her?"
She pauses, looking to her camera and her wife again. "But... I don't know that Sharochka would accept the invitation. I -- I can try, Elya -- she was quite swayed by our declaration of war -- it's not impossible. But... but even if I gave her a convincing argument... I'm not even sure I could get her back."
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
It is best.
"Yes," Elisa agrees. "I must better understand the phenomena that gave rise to them, but indeed..." Yuliana suggests a course of action that Elisa did not explicitly say. It's fine. "Yes," Elisa agrees. "We shall invite them, if it is your wish. They would flourish with us, would have the chance to use their talents."
"But Shari..." Elisa considers Yuliana's words, and then nods. "That is fine," she says. For now. Perhaps later...
But for now, "Perhaps an ally at a distance can remain an ally after all. Perhaps it is better if she does not see all that we do."
"...Well." Elisa smiles.
"What matters, of course, is you. Do not overtax yourself about young Shari. If we require her aid..."
"Then I will find a way to entice her."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Of course Elisa didn't say it; it was Yuliana's idea. Wasn't it? Why else would she say, "I think that's for the best," as if she'd come up with it? "They must be extremely powerful... and they should be grateful to be with us, really. It's the safest place for them, when the Empress hates them so!" She sniffs, and adds: "Even leaving aside all the people who would love to chop them up."
Not like Elisa would study them, obviously. Vivisection is for other scientists.
"Yes," she decides, "we're being generous. Of course they'd work for us, if we were protecting them like that. It's only reasonable." She's never the one at fault, which means that deciding to kidnap the Whispered for their sake is entirely in line with her values. She's not stealing people with unusual powers to experiment on them for their own selfish ends; she's not like the people who hurt her.
Obviously.
She pauses, though, frowning as she glances aside. "But... I guess so long as she doesn't hate us, we can keep an eye on Sharochka from out here," she allows. "I do worry for her, Elya... I don't wish for her to come to harm over this. Someone might figure her out... they might even try and kidnap her!" And this she says with zero self-reflection, which might really be refreshing, in present circumstances. "But -- but you're right," she says, sighing again. "You're right, Elya. I do stress too much about these things... I guess I'm too big-hearted. I know you'll take care of everything."
Yuliana looks down at her tablet, again. "It's just..." She starts, and trails off.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"Yes," Elisa agrees. "You are a very generous woman, my Yuliana. You give so greatly..." A smile. It is fine. Elisa's ministrations have always been good for Yuliana, after all. And the ways of the Titans are not hers...
Different is always better.
"Someone might," Elisa agrees. "But the Photon Power League can shield her for now. If something were to happen... Well, perhaps a rescue would be in order. Surely she would not object to being rescued."
"I will." A pause. "It's just...?"
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"I can only be so generous because of your security," Yuliana says, smiling. "It's because I can rely on you that I'm able to offer so much to others. You really keep me steady, Elya..."
Which isn't the same thing as stifling her, obviously. It's different, and it's better.
She keeps smiling, reaching out to her screen again. "You're right," she agrees, warmly. "Isn't that part of trusting them, too? They're strong enough to keep our plemyannitsa safe... and if something happens, of course we won't abandon her." Why would she ignore her niece's plight?
Except for all those times she gave her even more work to do, but it's just because she saw so much potential in her.
"It's just..." Yuliana starts, again, at her wife's prompting. "This 'Omnisphere', Elya -- I wonder if it is the domain of the Newtype, just the same. There is... they are meant to receive information through a sense unlike what humans have," she struggles to explain it, haplessly. "I see -- I see where it should be. The empty spaces. But they cannot reach that transgression, when they are with me. And Shari could not hear her voices, and Asciel could not fully utilise her machine..."
She frowns, troubled. "Is this the place which I bar entry to?" She wonders, because of course she's occupied about herself.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"I am glad."
It's different and better.
"I suppose it is a good thing," Elisa says of trusting them. She is still dubious, but Yuliana does seem happy for it... And for now, it may continue to bear fruit. "Quite."
Potential that Elisa sees, too. But--
"It may be," Elisa says plainly. "It may well be that you block entry to this space of power."
"It is something we must consider, and investigate. But if it is so... what is the relationship between the Void, and this place? We do not yet know, not fully."
"...But if it is the Newtype's domain, is it not all the more important that we place it under our control? Where it cannot transgress."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"They assure me it is," Yuliana says, and doesn't see at all the danger in what might happen if trusting people ever isn't a good thing.
(She's already made it their fault.)
"The Void silenced Sharochka's thoughts," Yuliana says, "and that Nova Stellar, she hated to be close to me, too. I thought it was the same as the Newtypes' reluctance, but..." She frowns, her head tilting to the side. "But I think there must be a connection," she says. "Even in those leaked files -- there was a connection."
She takes another breath, and nods, reaching out to her screen again. (As if she could reach for her wife, oceans away.) "We must steer them true," she agrees. "If there is an entire realm of this power -- then Ritechka's threats may yet come to pass. We must grasp it, first. For the sake of our Earth." Of course she's worried about humanity; of course she wants to help them.
She holds hope and love in her hands, grasping nothing at all.