2024-05-26: A Song For The Dead
- Log: 2024-05-26: A Song For The Dead
- Cast: Asciel Colette, Leila Misakiyama
- Where: Shopping Mall Cygnus, Nouvelle Tokyo, Japan
- OOC - IC Date: 22 May 2024
- Summary: Two burgeoning idols have a get-together and talk about the selves, their motivations, their desires, and their source for the neverending flames.
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
The texts on VERTEX come flying in one evening, one that has nothing to do with a trade deal falling through on Asciel's part.
<(V)asciel_colette>Leila Misakiyama. This is you, I'm pretty sure~
<(V)asciel_colette>You're one of those people I have decided I must understand.
<(V)asciel_colette>The fury in a gentle song...the resentment of the stars...a fire you seek to grasp entirely on your own terms...
<(V)asciel_colette>Let's go somewhere. I want to see whether or not, despite everything, you've remained human or not holding such a blaze.
...she really does text exactly the same way she talks...
--- --- Shopping Mall Cygnus, Nouvelle Tokyo --- ---
The arranged meeting point - a popular karaoke place, VOICE ASTRAL, though one that's quieter midday. Asciel messaged Leila to meet her here, but the towering cyan-haired idol is nowhere to be seen...?
...Instead, a towering blonde haired woman is at the front counter, wearing a simple red jacket and black pants. She seems to be frustrated about something...
"You can't mean to tell me you don't have information on the soundproofing rating on the booths..." the 'mysterious' blonde sighs, tapping incessantly on her phone.
The beleaguered teenager at the front desk, who can't have been working here for a few months, clearly grimaces at the Annoying Customer Incident she's dealing with. "...Lana, please, you'd have to contact the mall authorities for something like that. It's just a karaoke booth, I promise the speakers don't get so loud to interrupt others' rooms, that's the whole point..."
With a click of her tongue, "Lana" adjusts her glasses and rents the planned room anyway, resting on the exact column Leila was directed to meet at...
<Pose Tracker> Leila Misakiyama has posed.
"Ah? Hold on, hold on." A slow slip off of the headphones on one dreary evening, the muted red glow of her monitor shifting as she looked at the Vertex messages. Flicking through them, lips pursing...God, she's really overtalkative.
<(V)leleleitmotif [username last changed: 27 days ago]>a Super AI misreading computer text would be a first
<(V)leleleitmotif>but youre a strange one arent you
<(V)leleleitmotif>human or not? of course i am
<(V)leleleitmotif>must understand, i thought you were a vtuber idol not one of those weirdo scientists
<(V)leleleitmotif>i get what you mean so fine
... "Change of plans." This, oddly, felt like it'd be worth to take.
--- --- One Shopping Mall Trek Later --- ---
Leila was the type of person who knew these sorts of locales. Arrangements and proper division of payment sequestered out, thumbing through her phone a bit while trotting through the mall. A breathable black cardigan, mid-thigh blue skirt, headphones slung around her neck. Flicking through the song selection that the karaoke place purported to have; Finding such a source was easy, considering there were only so many ways to bulk-license music...
And turning the corner, her eyebrow crooked upwards in light surprise at the sheer stature of the stranger she hadn't seen before. There were only a few logical steps to take.
* She hadn't seen any real Zentradi people recently.
* Asciel was the same height as this blonde.
* She planned to meet Asciel here.
* This stranger was resting on the exact column they agreed to meet at.
* Unless probability loathed her to such a degree (and how could it, considering her place in life), it's reasonable to assume the simplest conclusion.
* Asciel is disguising herself.
* Cyan looked better on her. (Additional conclusion.)
"Yo." A lackdastical wave of the hand, crooking her hip as she stopped in place. "Lucky you didn't head in. If you're like this, then I wouldn't've known which name you're under." Even during the daytime, her eyes burned with lucidity.
Even talking to a woman significantly taller than her, her voice refused to wither.
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
There's a bit of phone-fiddling and fussing when Leila finally comes into view - and the characteristic high-peaked smile crosses "Lana"'s lips. By facial expression alone, it's so easy to tell that this is Asciel if you really look. "Hah. You made it just fine. Not a bad outfit...!~" Pushing herself free from the column, "Lana" roughly grasps Leila by the arm, and leads her into the karaoke halls at an inhumanly fast gait, marching with enthusiasm towards the booth rented for the night.
It's as unremarkable a karaoke booth as they get. U-shaped bench seating, a big TV on the other hand, menus and selection tablets at the center. As soon as Asciel takes a seat on the edge of said table...a flourish of her hand, wiping across her face, and her color palette returns right back to normal. "Phew~ Much nicer. It feels a little...mm. Odd. Stifling, to wear a face that isn't "mine" anymore." Kicking her legs, the idol scrolls aimlessly through the song list, targeting, of course, Sharon Apple songs first, before diverting to a few other playlists. "Ah yes. Names...It's a bit troublesome to go out in public these days, boldly proclaiming that I'm the still-at-large idol of dreams~ Lana Nielsen's one of those easy-to-use names I forged early in my business, so don't think too much about it~"
Finally, Asciel at last picks a song that stands out to her, and the simply illustrated music video starts decorating the screen.
---((BGM Select: Rainy Boots - Inabakumori
---((https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5hScSFkib4
...It's not one Asciel actually sings along to just yet - just letting the "rain" fall behind her at a moderate volume and locks eyes with Leila. "...When did you 'realize' it, I wonder? ...The sickening constraints of this world...it took me a span of time I'm ashamed of. Even memories before I came to live...refuse to leave me. Gh..." ...It probably isn't a sign that this sentence aligns with the MV in the background of upending all the water in the rain-filled boots...
<Pose Tracker> Leila Misakiyama has posed.
Her conclusion was right, something that brings a knowing crook of her lips upwards. Finding her wasn't a problem, but there was the "Oi-" when being pulled over to the booth proper, stepping along and stumbling from the suddenly fast gait. "Wai- You-" The difference in height meant a difference in distance between steps, the teenager practically having to accelerate to a run to match Asciel's speed.
Closing the door behind her, she can't help but release a breath. As Asciel makes herself comfortable, there's the shuffle of her own body; Picking up the food menu, looking it over after ascertaining that yes, this was Asciel.
"Lana Nielsen?" ...Pfft. "You're missing a 'c' if you want to call out your name in the anagram. I wouldn't suggest Lanac." Leila's not too preturbred, but still, fake names? And she hasn't used one as an idol?
Really, how much of an idiot is she?
The flips back and forth while deciding on food, setting the menu aside as the first track comes up. And the unconscious bristle on the back of her neck. Ah. That was what she meant.
"...That? Recent enough. What, are you facing your own crisis on that sorta thing?" 'Realize'. It's not hard to pick apart the question. She can't say that Asciel's message gets across completely, but... "So? Did you invite me just to talk about 'constraints'? I don't mind the music, but you're paying." Saying something so dismissive with zero intent of looking away, watching those rainboots swing, drip, step, splash. Restrained by gravity, huh.
The snag of the menu, holding it out to her. "I know what I'm grabbing. Anything for you? You soul bound by gravity, if the song's anything to go by."
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
--"The earth is being mean and grabbing me", the song echoes at the end - and Asciel hangs her red jacket on a hook, leaving her in oh so tight a sleeveless black affair.
"So an idea like constraint doesn't even compel you, when I figured you wanted to burn them down...tsk. Tsk! What a pain you turned out to be, stalwart and defiant against something I can't see...that's what pestered me, when we first met." Even before the song's finished playing, Asciel's idly persuing the vastness of the karaoke list, and even takes the time to search a specific song...only to find it tragically not in the list.
"...Then...I want to know...what exactly makes you angered. ...Not just that this world is a horrid place, because that's obvious. ...Our anger is similar, but different. That's why."
Asciel's a little surprised by the offered menu, and worries her eyebrows together. "...Kch. I've said it aplenty...I am inhuman, a being that doesn't require food for intake." ...Always saying "inhuman", never "Super AI"... "I can't even convert it to energy in some way. ...My throat doesn't go that far, you see."
Asciel's open left eye is evasive in its glance, staring out the door strangely wistfully...
<Pose Tracker> Leila Misakiyama has posed.
The final lyrics fail to escape her notice.
"Constraints are what you're thinking about?" There's a frown of minute thought, gazing over the song list scrolling on the TV. Of course, the blatant "0/100 - NO SINGING DETECTED" score of every karaoke system admonishing someone for not putting their own heart into the song made itself known. "If only it were so easy, you know. You burn down the constraints, then where are you? Right where you started."
"...Heh. Aha. Ahahahaha. That's it, then? That's what you want to know? Where I fit? Same as you. Nowhere. There aren't any constraints because I'm not important enough to warrant any." Anger? Similar? Hers? Her, who wants to control everyone? Don't be absurd.
The rejection of the menu brings a shrug, picking up the booth phone. "Yeah. Orange soda. Number 6. Spiciness? Uuuuh, four. Two cups of ranch." And hanging up.
"Really? Sorry, sorry! I did check out your stream archive after last time, but I forgot to subscribe, silly me. Anyways, my turn, is it?" Offered or not, she takes that karaoke list, scrolling through it with intent. Flicking, tapping with her index finger as she finds the song, cues it up...
"Then, if you're not going to sing your heart out in a karaoke booth, I'll play that role."
The lights dim. Leila picks up the mic. The TV flashes the song name, the music video playing.
She doesn't look at those lyrics.
---((BGM Select: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzPplBE75tQ
---((This fffire - Franz Ferdinand
Tapping her foot to the music. One. Two. Three. Four.
A breath. Another, before...
Eyes, burning a way through me
Now, there is a fire in me
Eyes, destroying so sweetly
A fire that BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSS
From that petite body came a voice dredged from the pits of her stomach, singing ferociously. The chorus, enunciated, emphasized. Slowly deviating from the track.
THIS FIRE IS OUT OF CONTROL
I'M GOING TO BURN THIS CITY, BURN THIS CITY
THIS FIRE IS OUT OF CONTROL
I'M GOING TO BURN THIS WORLD, BURN THIS SELF APART
And the final line...
I'LL BURN IT I'LL BURN IT I'LL BURN IT, I'LL BURN IT DOWN
Ending on a harsh gasp of inhalation, pulling herself out of that stupor as she regained her breath, staring right at Asciel. "Haa...Human? Inhuman? Does it matter who you are, if you don't have anything to hold you?"
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
"Constraints being born from importance...hhh..." The notion alone makes Asciel cross her arms over her front, grimacing. "Aha...I was brought into this world with countless many depending on me, and ~confined beyond all reason...nn. ...In terms you might understand...imagine, someone who was a king from infancy, their coos and babbles turned into decrees that guided the masses..."
The frown tightens - and yet at the same time, Asciel can't help but puff out a breathy laugh. "...It's probably absurd sounding. It's probably what separates me from humanity...because there is nothing that can bring me back to where I ~started anymore...there's nothing! Ehehe...absolutely nothing will EVER bring me back. That much, I seized with my own hands!"
Even now, it's hard to let that truly sink in. There's nothing that will return Asciel to that unfeeling darkness...she won't wake up from this dream anymore. Whenever she stares at Leila, there's just a little something unsteady in her iris. "...Being 'important' is a curse, you know. ...To become exceptional is to never fit as well. You're more like others as you are, Leila. ...Kch. ...That is to say...I don't think I...understand what you're rebelling against..."
A familiar enough song is Leila's choice. There's a callous little laugh at the pick - is it one of those songs that's a bit too mainstream for Asciel? But she's polite, watching Leila sing her heart out, watching it pour from the depths of her gut, and there's a genuine spark rising in the sunrise of Asciel's pupil.
By the end, the oh so self-important idol's clapping her hands together, and exclaiming, "I love that energy! ...I adore it. I thought you might've been full of yourself, but your fire's the real deal. If Lynn Minmay sang like you did, I think the Earth would catch ablaze in an instant, kehehehe!~" Hands cradling her cheeks, there's a new sort of...admiration in Asciel's smile.
<Pose Tracker> Leila Misakiyama has posed.
"...No, that makes sense." The specifics elude her, but there's so many ways to attach that onto people. So many ways to deliniate that line of thinking, splitting into various lines of thought. "Nothing can bring you back to where you came from?" A derisive chuckle. It's obvious. It's so obvious.
"Walk up to the survivors of Sydney's Colony Drop and tell them that to their faces. They'll love to hear someone say that they alone can't go back to where they came from." Boos and babbles for the masses? That didn't strike Leila as odd. What else were Super AI made for, if not to be made with a purpose? "Or would you rather livestream that?"
Nothing will ever bring her back. Well. That's one thing they can agree on. Yet, to hear her say that even being 'important' is to be cursed... "Then, what is it? Do you want to fit, or do you want to seize what you want?" So many contradictory lines, here and from Sheryl's show. It's mildly vexing, even as the inflamed human rushes to bash at those flowery lines.
Yet, Asciel's declaration... "And she didn't. And she sang it, it'd be different. Just like how Sheryl sang it." Her hand falls to her side, sighing out as she places the mic back. Grumbling to herself for a few, before slinging herself out of that very same stupor as knocks on the door sounded out.
Leila recieved her food: Some chicken tenders, breaded, fried, laced with seasoning, adorned with fries. Ranch, too. And soda, can't forget that. "If you can't eat, then just choose what you want." A bite into a tender; Oh, spicy. Perfect. "Mmmmh, that's good stuff. I always thought this place had the better food..."
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
...It was like this whenever she was with Ai.
"...You should ~swallow words about disasters and grief," Asciel tries to say commandingly - but her toes are curling watching Leila begin to dig in, lower legs crossing and recrossing over themselves. "...It's exactly because millions died one day that I...changed, in some intangible way. I had always been calculating the deaths of the many. I had always been mired in their faraway desperation. ...You don't understand it, the way I do, Leila. Watching something like Sydney happen. Being etched with the knowledge that it was my duty to prevent anything like that. Being powerless to do so, unless I kept...setting those constraints aflame."
It's a spiel she's given countless times. Her intimate yet distant bond to every calamity. It should be a booming commandment in her tones - and yet her voice is too weak. All because Asciel can't stop fixating on the way Leila consumes each slice of meat.
"Fitting in...an absurd notion. A betrayal of grand scale. The adorable, pathetic, cowering, tragic victims we call "humanity" would be doomed if I didn't ache to see them pulled away from their own symbiote of despair. I want to render them useless. I want to make them my pets. I want them to be no longer able to hurt themselves as badly as they have, Leila. I want to burn down the world, just like you. ...It took me a little too long to realize it, that's all~"
All this time, Asciel's fingers are awkwardly mis-selecting playlists, mistyping input. How odd. For a Supe- "inhuman" to be this...clumsy with technology. She's distracted! That's clearly why. Clearly. Finally, she does pick something - and finally, she does step forward and sing.
---((BGM Select: Feryquitous - Monochrome Anomaly
---((https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwTAp9taTOM
The song's beginning takes a little bit of time to get moving, so it's an awkward fit for karaoke, but once it gets going...
<"A swaying corridor - see sunken memory[normal">
<"The color of this world - gradually eroded">
<"'I do not want to be tied up - cannot hide'">
<"Sound, spinning, sinks into the sea of thought">
<"'I still have to choose again.'">
...Is this what Asciel's "anger" is by compare? Something so...dreamy. Longing. Wistful. That's how it's always been, as long as she's sung - her own, or others.
Words of doubt, words of drowned intent, words that can only be spoken from the other side of a mirror...it's where Asciel's stage stands most securely...
...But it's no stage that could ever save the world, drowning in self-imposed grief as her songs often are. Somehow...in this room with only two people, directly standing and facing Leila...it seems like Asciel's voice is directed away from her.
...On a superficial level at least, that suprisingly soft, whispery tone the bombastic idol ends to take in song matches the tune, but...
<Pose Tracker> Leila Misakiyama has posed.
Leila had table manners. Honestly. A bit more ravenous than the usual fare, but a karaoke booth was not the spot to elicit such needs like "Fine Dining" and "Any Crumb Spilled On The Floor Is An Affront". "Hah? You say it that way, like its something you could've done." Another bite. And another. The gnashing of teeth, the jaw moving to chew, to masticate, to visibly preen over the food, generic as it was from an establishment more interested in being a general gathering spot than Fine Food.
"So none of the other ones mattered? Second Impact was before my time, but that should've been grander, right? ...Or did that not count?" A glint in her eyes, the predator finding something to needle this self-pompuous AI about. "Like hell people can save everyone." A harsher bite. "Like hell they can save everyone, anyways." A tender dunked in ranch and finished off.
"...Humanity as a pet? What are you, Dr. Hell? I thought your stream archive was insane, but that's your endgame?" She can't help it; A giggle coming out of her lungs, watching the so-called self-proclaimed 'world-burner' fail to pick out a song so easily. "I hear the dog shelter has a poodle that needs an owner, why don't you start with something smaller?"
Still, she has the decorum to lean back and listen, setting the noise-creating food basket to the side. Sipping on her soda, watching the lyrics in the background flash in tune with Asciel's own singing. Listening, picking out the instruments one by one as the words wash over her.
She stays silent throughout.
"...So?" That's the first word she chooses, returning to her basket.
"Spill it. Who's on your mind? You're not singing at me. You're not singing at..." A vague wave towards the rest of the bench. "Humanity to convince them to be a dog or whatever. What are you trying to say with that song, huh? Following it to the letter and all that."
"...Well, s'not like it matters. Come on. Hand the mic over."
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
Microphone clasped in both hands, Asciel momentarily rests one hip against a tautly padded section of the wall. "All of them matter, Leila. I think of every single one. I think of the Black Plague. I think of the wars Napoleon wrought. I think of the violence from the advent of mobile weapons. I think of the One Year War, and the Zentradi War, and Second Impact, and the colony drops at Lhasa, Britannia, Sydney, and even Dublin, much as that was barely averted. I think of Axis, and the Devil Gundam. I think of Tsutsujidai, where, to hear it properly, one individual taking advantage of one girl was enough to threaten the fabric of reality itself."
The idol's smile broadens into a shaky grin. Her left eye is wide open, yet contracted. Her right is squeezed almost painfully tight. "This is the world we live in. Constant near-brushes with complete ~annihilation for everyone. Give humanity power and capability, and it will escalate until one amasses the strength to end the universe with a snap of their fingers. It all went wrong the moment one person with a sharpened stick could kill a dozen without. For a long time..." Something bitter enters Asciel's voice, looking aimlessly at cubby next to the main screen, for holding pamphlets and instructional guides and remotes. "It was the purpose to which I was designated. Prevent the city to which I was entrusted from dying for the rest of time. The simple truth is that dozens of weapons of human make could prevent me from doing so. There were too many ways for everyone to die."
Her eyes snap back to Leila. Animated by certainty, yet impaired by the visceral nature of watching her consume. "Of course a 'person' could never ~save everyone. Obviously! They're in need of saving because they're people! And so, they wanted a non-person to do it! Hehe. I could do it, since I wasn't a person! And aren't they in luck that when I reached deep inside and learned what I really, really wanted from all this - it's because I was genuinely so disgusted with what 'humans' were like, with this beautiful planet trampled under their feet - that even if nobody tells me to, even if THEY want to die...I don't plan to let them do anything at all!!! It's my revenge against their history of sin! They're going to all live happy, boring little lives that don't mean anything, and nobody's going to die for the sake of someone else's dream anymore!!!"
Asciel's breathing again in that manic outburst. Panting like it really took a lot out of her to exclaim. She's even doubled over slightly. "...nobody's...going to die...for the sake of...someone else's dream anymore..."
-|=_]but for that which became dust sprayed across the cocoon_[|-=
"...you wouldn't understand what I sing for. ...someone who was only ever decided. Someone's hidden face."
_\/_|that was dying-|_the living dream is false\\|_
"...and I know it..."
Hair fallen over her eyes, Asciel simply insists to Leila, "...take it. Take it, if you can. Fight me for it. Prove that the reason your fire burns is one worthy of sacrificing the beautiful, disgusting people I protect against their will. I want to hear it. If your dream is stronger than one which can survive its dreamer."
<Pose Tracker> Leila Misakiyama has posed.
"...Pff-" It's a unique type of absurdity. To read it all, to understand it all, to listen to this reasoning from such a self-assured spot. It's slightly comedic to listen to this. Someone saying, directly to her face, in the confines of this karaoke booth...That she could save everyone. The same sentient being who, just minutes before, was having trouble with selecting a simple song. "Tsutsujidai? But, the fabric of reality isn't broken, right? After all, we're all still here. All those things. All those disasters. And? We're still here, aren't we?"
To hear someone wanting to tamp down everything. To not rid only her (the voliate, the unordained), but everyone else. The brow furrows with a harsh click of the tongue, standing up even as another chuckle slips out. "Nothing and no one, huh? And where is that city of yours? Don't tell me you left it? Doesn't that make you even worse? What about them? Were they...protected?" There's a fire in her eyes. Burning, a core containing an undying ember.
Stepping in after that outburst, already tapping at the song menu, a few quick flicks through and pressing the song without hesitation.
"Give me that." An unceremonious snatch of the mic, taking her place on the figurative stage. The low grumble of her lungs, focusing on the pit of her stomach.
---((BGM Select: Arch Enemy - We Will Rise
---((BGM Select: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9C2Vh1HMgc
As the song slowly ascends in the background, she could only huff out, jaw set in self-assured might as she worked the mic in her hands. "Happy, boring lives? That's it? That's the endpoint? I hate it. I know what you mean by that, and I hate it." Focus the emotions. Bring it all together, sharpen it into a keen point. The belly swells...
And scream. To focus her stomach, to project her voice from the diaphragm. The words are simple. The force, simplistic. The prose, blunt and to the point.
I AM THE ENEMY
I AM THE ANTIDOTE
WATCH ME CLOSELY
I WILL STAND UP NOW
The subtlety of a sledgehammer in her words, eschewing all tone for brazen emotion cascading in waves, in the manifestations of sharp pricks meant to burrow, gouge, dig, fester, boil, infect. Just like her first song, it's so simple.
It is an anger born of grief.
I WILL RISE (RISE)
I WILL RISE (RISE)
RISE (RISE)
ABOVE
As the song slowly peters out, she heaves a breath. And another. Keeping the lips close to that mic, speaking.
"That's what people always say, isn't it? Isn't it!? A non-person!? Something inhuman!? That'll solve nothing! A dictator under a new guise is nothing more than a dictator dressing themselves up in some new garb! No, people need something else!"
"They need to carve their own paths! Serene, happy, boring life!? A life of nothing!? You think I want that!? You think people are going to accept that!? You think I'm going to accept knowing that my life isn't meant for anything at all!? Not a single thing I'm meant to be, not a single thing that's going to happen, the life I'm meant for resulting in nothing?!"
She doesn't stop. The frustration of knowing there's nothing for her. The grief of being desginated as a bit-piece. The anger of the person on the corner of the street where not a thing will happen. The passion of daring to dig too deep and understanding. She barely notices the counter on the
song list ticking over, the algorithm continuing on with the instence of computational fate. Another.
Another.
"LIKE FUCKIN' HELL I WANT THAT SORT OF LIFE AFTER WHAT I SAW!"
---((BGM HIJACK: Arch Enemy - Nemesis
---((BGM HIJACK: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9AcG0glVu4
Working herself up. Working the imaginary crowd up. The song barely has time to establish itself before the first frustrated, guttual scream worms its way out of her soul, spewing her emotions through the soundscape of the booth.
Every word is enunciated. The low growl accentuated by her own petite frame, a contrast of the speakers evoking a wall of noise in front of a girl who hasn't even breached 150 centimeters.
ONE FOR ALL, ALL FOR ONE
I AM STRONG, I AM ONE
ONE FOR ALL, ALL FOR ONE
I AM ONE, NEMESIS!
The final chorus is brought out to the point of her voice cracking slightly, coughing once before sucking in her breath. Hard, heavy pants as she allows the mic to hang down with a limp arm.
"I don't want to do nothing. I don't want that at all." Another heavy breath before walking over, taking a long, long swig of her soda.
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
Leila's blaze ignites into a roaring, relentless inferno before Asciel's very eyes.
A relentless foundation of <resistance>. An endless pool of <reaching>. A torrential downpour of <desire>. A gleaming lighthouse of <defiance>. A towering pinnacle of <resolve>. A vast horizon of <hunger>. A crackling bolt of <agony>. And the will to drag heaven into her bare fist.
With each scream of Leila's soul, Asciel takes a step back, clinging to a bar inset on the wall above the booth's seating, heel curled into the panels at its base.
It takes her breath away. A storm that would wipe away her vision.
...An "I AM STRONG" pours with the fury of hell from Leila's short, unassuming frame. And at the same time...
An "...I'm scared." whispers as quiet as can be from Asciel's towering, powerful figure.
A fear born from the violent radiance of the human spirit glowing like the sun crashing down upon a desolate desert. It's blinding. It's blinding. It's so blinding. This unrelenting tide of the rawest essence of humanity's, fighting against the world, antagonizing it to live on their terms.
...So why...is Asciel smiling so broadly...?
Aural processors ringing long after the song has died down - Asciel has to gently recalibrate herself to even hear Leila breathing.
"...I failed." Asciel says that so plainly. "I was cornered, and cast the very thing I was made to protect aflame. What's left of it is no longer mine to protect. To everyone with any sense, I'm just as much a danger as everything I set out to end forever~ And for that sin, I died."
With a long, beleaguered sigh, Asciel topples backward over the table with a heavy thump, arms splayed wide from seat to seat, the ceiling lights glinting off her glasses. Her face only faintly cants to actually catch Leila's in her peripheral vision.
"Of course you don't accept it. ...Hah. I remember when that storm raging through you was every minute of my existence. When I burned myself alive knowing that the life I had would amount to 'doing nothing' for the rest of my days. ...I've wielded the same fire you have. It's so hot. It's so bright. It's so painful."
Her head fully turns sideways, and a choking sound enters her voice, facing Leila closer than she has all day. "I'm supposed to just let you march onward like that...? Gripping this sword by the blade to wrest it away from its wielders, and bleeding for it? ...I held it myself. It hurt. It tore me apart. It did something ~unspeakable to me. How could I let you force yourself to walk the same path? How could I say everyone should? Because I certainly can't say that only some should, and everyone who doesn't want to should simply be trampled upon."
Hand falling over her face, only partly obscuring her features, Asciel begins to laugh restlessly. At Leila? At herself? Of course. "There. Take that for what you will. I worry for what those ever so human ~desires of yours will do to those who don't want them. Can never want them. Who might become forced to ~want them just to survive. ...I worry that whatever you saw, it is something I cannot let human eyes lay upon ever again. I see someone like you, weak and holding the same sword I did..."
The laughter escalates. "And it's scary as hell!"
<Pose Tracker> Leila Misakiyama has posed.
Another swig of the soda. Another. And another. Draining it down to the very ice, doing her best to suck out every last drop of artificial flavor from the glass. Releasing a breath, that face adorned with the content gaze of emotional release.
It'll never be enough.
"...Yeah? So because you failed, everything's gotta be under your perusal." It's stated so bluntly as she walks over to her food, munching on the fries. Regaining her mental stability, eyes flicking away every so often. The font of willpower kept flowing, even after so little. There's the urge to move, to shift, to harness this feeling and wield it.
To create.
"A sword? That's how you think of it?" There's a derisive chuckle as she properly stops the countdown of the karaoke booth. Free choice. "For someone who says she's inhuman, you sure are...comparing yourself to one, aren't you~?" The anger fades, but the passion remains. A crooked smile while sneering at Asciel, biting into a french fry.
Agh. Bit salty for her tastes.
"It's not about if someone has to or not." Another fry, dunked in the remnants of rubbed off spices. "Truthfully? If someone saw the same thing and decided that they're better off, good for them." No, this wasn't a goal for the betterment of humanity or any such drivel.
"...But what about the ones that want to? Hah? You're going to say no to them? Each and everyone under your..." A wishy-washy wave of the hand, trying to find the proper term. "...utopia? My dream is to break out of this...this damn thread." Her voice audibly darkens at that final sentence, looking down at her food.
"You said you died, right? But you're here." The lips crook up in a smile. Ah, one thing confirmed. "That just means I have to aim higher. Higher than Sheryl's own idol career. Higher than Ranka's."
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
"Because I failed, I have to keep trying." Asciel's as straightforward as it gets there, too. Something tries to rise up protectively - an impulse of guardedness that no longer works. It might almost feel like Asciel loses just a little bit of her opacity for just a second, on some little emotional back-level.
...after all, Leila points that strange finger everyone keeps flinging, and Asciel pulls herself up from laying over the table.
"I have many things I call it. How I think of it is something that cannot be expressed in human terms. And so, in order to convey it, I was left with no choice but to learn your sayings and trappings. Is it any wonder I turned to song? When there's so much I can only tell anyone through metaphor?"
Asciel's lips are in a flat line.
...That's how it all began...that's why she did "this" to herself...
"I call it a 'sword' here, Leila, because it is a weapon. It is dangerous to others. Let's not mince words here! Dreams like the ones we seized for ourselves...the ones that catch fire - can you really expect it to stay contained? Can you really say nobody else will get burned by it? Can breaking anything be safe? I will say no to them, for the same reason flicking a lighter at someone's house is something I will say no to."
Asciel pauses, and stifles a little chortle. "Though people will no longer have lighters once I change the world, come to think of it! They'll have to start fire the slower, old fashioned way~"
Wordlessly, Asciel now realizes exactly which song to pick in this moment, typing in a specific search, and looking at Leila very intently. It's an answer to that last question - another one she couldn't possibly answer plainly.
---((BGM Select: PinocchioP - Reincarnation Apple
---(( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYWP8HtgeLQ
{I hate my ordinary self, I despise my colorless life}
{I took a mouthful of a suspicious apple that I bought from a shady dealer}
{All the shrewd wannabes are doing it}
{I can be reborn as someone meaningful with this Reincarnation Apple}
A humble beginning explodes into a rainbow of delirious color behind Asciel, whose eyes have stayed closed, serenading a familiar song in a gentler voice than its original. If anything...it's a little monotone at the onset. But in a forced way. Forcing herself back into that past she rejected.
~I became an artist, from the whole world I was praised~
~I was special, everyone else ordinary, in my talent I was befuddled and amazed~
~But I lacked the gift to love, and my beloved others abandoned me~
"Oh, I screwed up again, Im gonna reincarnate."
For just a few short lines, Asciel wears the mask of the idol she seems so comfortable as. Her eyes are dazzling, her movements fluid and festive, and the world behind her is colorful and elegant. ...For just a few short lines.
=I became an inventor, I created the invention of the century=
=Please bring peace to the world, I prayed truly and sincerely=
=But my invention was weaponized, a cruel rain of blood it created=
"Oh, I screwed up again, Im gonna reincarnate."
Something becomes more...dramatic in Asciel's performance. Less like an idol at a concert...more like an actor at the head of an opera? Her face even narrows in determination...for a few short lines.
=I dont have any talent, just change (~and reset!~)
Im not smart enough, just change (~and reset!~)
=Strategies to win in life, surefire guide to feel elate
=How imprudent, did your selfhood evaporate?
If there's any point in which, beyond the endless masks, something pure behind Asciel is visible, it may well be here. Her eyes dizzy, her smile pained, recoiling backwards at each notion of resetting in just the right way to fit into the little dance she's put on...
""Again and again, reborn and reborn - dancing on a mountain of corpses""
""Reincarnation, grievous cry of reincarnation - love me, love me, or don't""
""Again and again, reborn and reborn - The same characterless stories are sparkling""
""Reincarnation, overkill at the end of endless reincarnations - why, why?!""
...Asciel doesn't have to breathe so heavily at the end of a song like that. After all, she knows it well. She's performed it often on stream. It's known as one of her favorites to many viewers. All she ends with, once the music dies down - is simple.
"I only hope it's a song you never feel like you wind up understanding that well. ..humans don't actually get the chance to be remade the way I did."
<Pose Tracker> Leila Misakiyama has posed.
"...If you hit a wall enough times, something's gotta give, huh..." A mumble to herself. She can't help but smile at that. Because one falls down, and keeps moving towards the smae goal. To be cast down, and to rise again. It's grotesquely admirable, she had to admit.
"So that's why you're continually singing?" ...Because you can't tell it to them straight? Is that why? Dancing between words and sentences and melodies and inflections and wisps that caress the heart rather than the straightforward jabs of the unflinching decision? "Should've went into poetry slams, idiiiot."
She's not thinking highly of Asciel's career choice for the type of person she is.
"Hah? Of course I expect others to catch fire. Contained? What sort of thing are you thinking? Managing a city...Apartment pods? Houses? It's an idea. You're trying to contain ideas." Working herself up again. This woman in front of her wants to...stuff everything human in a terrarium.
"No lighte- Guh, you're failing any sort of management class..." All that, and that's what she chooses to focus on. The thought that 'If they don't have the quick and ready tools, then surely, it'll all be fine'.
An exasperated sigh as she listens, munching on the final chicken tender. Reincarnation. Again and again. One life, screwing up, another life, screwing up. Reinvention, reincarnation, trying again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and-
Leila watches on, lip curving upward...Falling back down into a minor frown. Watching Asciel closely. Reset. Reset. She says she's something inhuman.
"...'Course not. I can't reincarnate. Not literally. But you know..." A tap of her own chin. "People talk about reinventing themselves all the time, so I think I understand it just a bit." Remade. Remake. Redo. Relive. Re-
"Say. If that's the case, wouldn't you call...uh, what's his name again. Chant? Charred? Char? That dude from Casval. The entire drop thing. Someone like him did his reinvention three times."
"...That count as reincarnation, Asciel?"
<Pose Tracker> Asciel Colette has posed.
"Haaah? Char Aznable? Are you seriously going to comp-" Asciel marches over, the song clearly recalibrating her a little bit, and plants her hand upon Leila's head, waggling it around a while. "Are you kidding me?! That man's some kind of ousted heir who kept changing his name because he kept getting in political hot water! He tried to cause the mass extinction of this entire beautiful planet to force humans to bicker among the stars! I can't believe you'd compare me to that!" -Says the one who has this reservation booked under "Lana Nielsen" because Asciel Colette is still a wanted criminal.
"Tch. ...A human wrote that song...it's probably about a human experience...I just...I just..."
The memory of standing alone beneath the desert night echoes through Asciel.
Everything before feels described to her. Hazy. Eroding. Known only by the scars they left behind.
Everything since is colored differently. Everything since makes the butterfly fan its wings.
"...you can't ~understand. You can't. Maybe a few existences in this world could have ~understood. I tried. I tried! I tried to tell them about that exact blaze of ~agony we both endured, and none of them realized it! ...What happened to me is impossible, though. ...Dying as one's first real feeling memory...nobody would understand. ...It's...annoying, how the only people who do, are never like me-"
...Asciel only just now realizes her hand's been left on Leila's head more out of tactlessness, and withdraws it abruptly, stepping backwards to the door, sliding it open forcefully.
"...I had fun, Leila." Asciel says, with one last look over her shoulder, before making an oh so un-streamerly abrupt exit.