2024-05-08: Grasping the Knife
- Log: Grasping the Knife
- Cast: Elisa Kafim, Yuliana Kafim
- Where: The Silent Castle, Kaffeklubben Island
- Date: 2024-05-08
- Summary: Yuliana interrupts Elisa's work to talk about how they're treating their Callers -- and Elisa, at length, names what Yuliana really wants. They will go to war with the Empress, and use this world as an anchor with which to change the Void and the Woman who dwells there. Together, they are stronger.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa Kafim is working into the evening today. While it's 'daylight' still, that's only because of how far North it is, and Elisa has the curtains closed to keep out the natural light. She is in her black robes, and unconcerned with the temperature--
In point of fact, a bit of chill helps her electronics work better. She is writing an email.
Elisa's green eyes are focused on the backlit screen, her laptop on the desk where it is suitable. Her perfect nails clack against the keyboard as she types. And...
She is glancing at another window on the same screen, preparing academic verbiage. This email is to a particular journal...
She's been working most of the 'day' already. Time has no meaning here, except that it is time away from Yuliana.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"El~yul~aaaa~"
That's the sound of Elisa's study door opening, Yuliana lilting her name, saccharine-sweet, as she ambles in. She is dressed in their customary warm black robes, just the same, falling over her tentacles without obscuring or binding them. She swans over around Elisa's desk, and, putting her hands on the armrest, hops up onto Elisa's chair and right onto her lap. It might have been a difficult impact to bear if Elisa weren't Elisa; Yuliana is quite heavy. Luckily, Elisa is Elisa!
Draped sideways across her wife, her legs curl around the far armrest as her palms come to rest by Elisa's chest. One of those tentacles snakes over to the desk, to find the lid of that laptop and click it shut, as Yuliana looks up into her eyes.
Now is Yuliana time. Time to pay attention to Yuliana!
"I put the children to bed," she smiles, smoothing out the black of Elisa's fabric, at her shoulder. "They're sleeping soundly..." She did end up leaving with them, after dinner, to spend some time with them. She's been away from Elisa for hours! Entire hours! "Did you miss me?" She asks, even though it's just been a few hours, even though Elisa knew where to find her.
(Just like Yuliana knows where to find Elisa; this is hardly the first time she's interrupted her work.)
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa turns her eyes from the screen towards Yuliana as she enters. She notices the robes; she notices the way she hops into her lap. Elisa smiles at this; indeed, she is Elisa, and this impact is no trouble whatsoever.
"Hello, my darling," Elisa says. Elisa looks back into her eyes in turn, and the laptop... clicks shut.
It is now Yuliana time. Elisa is still smiling a moment later; mentally, she puts a bookmark in her work, and decides instead--
"I did," Elisa answers. "Though I am pleased to hear that the children are well," she adds, and it's not even a lie; she spoke it aloud, after all. "But I missed you, while you were away."
"I was finishing some work," she explains. "...Nothing that cannot wait. How are you feeling, my love? You seem well."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"I'm very well... but oh, I missed you!" Yuliana declares, bombastic, embracing her wife and rubbing her cheek against hers. "Ooooh, you've been working on this all day! Are they giving you trouble? Should I pay them a visit?" Is Yuliana offering to break some old scholar's kneecaps so he'll accept Elisa's papers into his journal?
Don't ask stupid questions.
(Obviously, the problem wouldn't be on Elisa's end. Her perfect wife can do no wrong.)
"And how are you, zhenushka?" She asks, pulling back far enough to be able to look into her wife's eyes again. "After working so hard!"
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa embraces Yuliana, holding her close when she wraps arms around her too. She strokes up Yuliana's back for the moments while Yuliana is there, and listens. The offer is...
"That is sweet," Elisa says. "I am pleased that you would offer to enact your will on my behest." Squeeze.
"But no, all is going to plan. Soon, we shall see exciting fruit of this effort..."
Don't ask stupid questions. Of course Elisa's happy about that.
"I am better, now that you are with me. The work is long, and while it is worthwhile, it is hardly you."
She looks back into Yuliana's eyes. "I feel... that we are arriving into a good place, in this world. We have new friends, the children are growing..."
"Yes. It is well."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
And Yuliana hums, sweetly, overjoyed to be held in her wife's arms. "Always," she promises, as Elisa squeezes her, reassuring her of all her security.
She's all smiles, as Elisa assures her that all is as planned -- and that she's happier now Yuliana is here. Despite the chill nip in the room, her cheeks flush with warm affection, gaze lidding as she melts down to rest her head against her shoulder. "It is well," she repeats, smiling.
Yuliana's hand reaches up, to play her fingers through Elisa's ponytail, as her expression grows thoughtful. Their friends... "... the Photon Power Labs noticed when I didn't show up," she says, still gazing at her wife. "Leyasha took quite some pains to call and see if I was all right, did you know?" It was all on the cameras, the way she was entertaining the children until she was interrupted by a phone call -- and the way she didn't return to the children until she'd collected herself from her anxiety.
"That's why I invited Sayaka's family over... since she kept saying I couldn't just hide away from the world forever after something awful happened." Which explains that. "You know, Leyasha was saying a lot of things..."
And just what has Leina filled Yuliana's head with now?
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
All is well. Or at least, all is well at first. Elisa makes no motion to stop Yuliana running fingers through her hair; she instead listens to the talk of the Photon Power Lab. "I suppose they would," Elisa says, of notice. Since Yuliana is the most important thing that they have to consider, after all. "Miss Ashta is very thoughtful," Elisa allows diplomatically, too.
But...
"I see... Yes, that is true. We must not allow ourselves to be pushed to the edges of the Earth when you deserve its vistas."
A pause. Elisa is not pleased at this next development, but she says, "What was she saying?"
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
In the background of her thoughts, Yuliana finds Elisa's hairtie, and slides it away, to free her wife's magnificent mane of hair. And why shouldn't she get to play around with it? That's her wife. Of course she gets to alter her.
"She was worried about the Empress, you know," Yuliana says, "since I told her how She was calling to me, back then. Leyasha's still very worried I'll face an eternity of torture... I know she doesn't understand everything, but it's sweet, isn't it?" She asks, slipping Elisa's hair-tie onto her own wrist instead. There it binds, as she curls her fingers through her hair. "She's just worried about me..."
Her gaze flicks down, resting at Elisa's tattoo, on her neck, for a moment, before she looks to her wife again. "Though... she was a little concerned about our Callers, too, I suppose," she adds, as if it were far less important. (Isn't it? Yuliana's clearly the priority here.) "She kept saying how they'd feel betrayed if I was leading them to the Empress, when the Empress can't understand humanity. Like it would hurt them... but I'm not forcing anyone to do anything," she pouts. "Some people just feel totally abandoned by this world... what am I supposed to do, Elya, deny them our world just the same?"
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa has a lot of hair; it is thick and purple and glorious. Yuliana should play with it.
"It is something sensible to her perspective," Elisa says. "...But only to her perspective. You are right; she does not understand. All the same, it is sweet that she would worry so. But you need not; the difficulty in your relationship is primarily a matter of interfacing across worlds. ...And in any case, I would not allow such a thing."
But Elisa hears this new concern... Hmmm. It is less important, obviously. But--
"We aren't forcing anything on them," Elisa agrees. "But we offer an alternate path. ...The Empress does not understand humanity, true. Yet. But... That is hardly the only matter. Besides..."
"There is something I have considered for some time, in light of Ingvar."
She pauses. "...I think that we shall induct the most worthy into my secrets. Those who are both worthy and have the aptitude shall have the power to carve out their own paradise in the Void, away from ours if they wish it. The ultimate expression of Silence."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"It's just because our worlds are so different..." Yuliana was worrying, but of course she doesn't need to; Elisa just said so. "I know," she smiles, fingers trapped and buried in her wife's hair. (What she freed has engulfed her.) "I know you'll protect me, zhenushka."
She listens, when Elisa explains. (Assures her. The Empress will understand, one day.) "You're so generous, Elya," she smiles, tilting her cheek against Elisa's shoulder. "But you're right... the Void is vast. I could run for forty days and forty nights and not reach the edge of the black... I did try, a few times," she adds, softly.
"Before I knew."
(How futile it was to escape Her, in Her realm.)
"But... it is... difficult, right now," she picks her words slowly, as her fingers slow, too, at the back of Elisa's head. "I won't say it's torturous or anything, but, She does change me... She can be a little... callous, without your thoughtfulness, Elya. Is it..." Yuliana pauses, frowning. "Is it... right, to do this to other people? People trusting us to help them? Leyasha said I couldn't really have faith in the Empress's benevolence... since She can't understand me, or what I need. I'm troubled, Elya..."
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Yuliana doesn't need to worry. Elisa indeed just said so. And Elisa smiles, when Yuliana is tangled in her hair, Elisa is pleased, and she says, "I will always protect you."
Generous. Perhaps vastly generous, as much as the Void itself. Then, "You see? There is no limit."
Before she knew. Elisa frowns in thought, at that.
Difficult...
"What is this 'right'?" Elisa wonders. "It is a strange idea of Leina's. They wish our help; we give them food, and shelter, and opportunity. We allow them a glimpse of a greater reality, and because we are not 'gentle', it is not 'right'?"
"What, then?" Elisa wonders. "Shall we leave them as they are? At the mercy of this world? Where in the world to come, they will at least have the chance to make something greater?"
"No," Elisa says. "That would be cruelty."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Oh, Elya," Yuliana sighs, lovestruck, as her wife promises to protect her again. Of course she wants to be protected by her...
... and her alone.
"Limitless," she echoes Elisa, in agreement.
But is that limitlessness always a good thing? It's too easy for Yuliana to wonder. It is, at least, just as easy for her to listen, fingers still as she gazes up to her wife.
"We can't just leave them," she says, quietly. "This world would crush them to dust. We can't just leave them." Yuliana feels a duty to the common man; a desire to help his situation, to make right the wrongs done to him by an atmosphere of war.
And perhaps that stewardship is more dangerous, still, than apathy.
"I guess I'm just troubled, because... I'm trying to get some space, Elya. I don't... wish to sit in Audience each night. It hurts," she says, gaze dropping to focus on Elisa's tattoo again. Yuliana, she is written, there on her perfect black flesh. "How can I invite other people to come closer... when I'm pulling away? There's something there which doesn't fit, Elya..." ... and maybe she's just being unreasonable, keeping so much distance between herself and her Wife.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Her alone.
Thy can't just leave them, Yuliana agrees, and perhaps that would be that. After all, Elisa is not the one suggesting that they take in these people--these... others, irrelevant to her designs. It is Yuliana who wants that.
"Hmmm..."
She considers, thoughtfully. "Of course, nothing says it would be the same. Why should she Change people for whom She cares nothing? Whim?"
"But no, I see the matter clearly, now."
Elisa looks into Yuliana's eyes. "You wish me to make war. To conquer the Void for ourselves. If you cannot bear to be close to Her, then you wish me to change Her myself. Is that it?"
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Why would those people face the same risks Yuliana does -- those risks borne from Her affection?
It's a question which Yuliana can't quite grasp the edges of, as Elisa commands her attention. "Ah," she gasps, as her fingers sink in through Elisa's hair to grasp at her opposite shoulder. The solution Elisa brings to her is the most exquisite violence, direct in its invocation.
It's what Yuliana wants.
Because she is afraid, she holds herself close to her wife, her arms and untrapped frill trembling. But isn't this just the end-point of all their philosophy? Strength decides. Elisa would be stronger than God, would consume Her, would break Her.
(Change Her.)
Her lips work, though at first no sound comes through. Of course it is the ultimate sacrilege, to defy the Woman who has watched over her since she was first scarred, to turn herself against Herself. Yuliana is surprisingly loyal, as scorpions go; it is still difficult to speak against Her.
But She hurts her.
"Do it," Yuliana whispers, scarcely this side of audible, through a tight throat and tense features.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa notices that Yuliana is not able to grasp that question's edges, but she narrows it down. She bares the heart of the matter before them, the direct invocation of uttermost violence. Yuliana is afraid...
The simple truth is that Elisa saw two potential options, in how her wife would respond to this question. She saw two ways that this could go, not with the foresight of the profane Newtype, but with her knowledge of the woman on whom her very world centers.
She would back down, determine it 'all right'...
...or she would accept Elisa's offer.
"So shall it be done," Elisa says, her words like iron, her gaze endless for Yuliana.
"Your wish shall become reality. No matter the cost."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Yuliana could have turned Elisa from the violent path... but Yuliana's the sort of woman who casually offered her violence to Elisa with utmost cheer. It isn't the war that frightens her -- but who their target is.
"Just," an evaluation of Elisa's violence, perhaps, but here a tiny request to add more burdens to her, "just not you. Don't let it cost you, Elya," she pleads, grasping her wife tightly. "Don't leave me. Don't leave me."
She's holding onto her flesh, but does she really mean it like that?
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
It is indeed the ultimate expression of their philosophy.
Not her, Yuliana says, and Elisa seems to be thoughtful, in the moment. She considers it carefully, running through the possibilities in her mind, before she accepts this additional chain.
"I shall survive," Elisa says. "No matter what."
She accepts the chain of Yuliana's wishes without complaint.
"And no matter what separates us... I shall end it. We shall be together forever."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Who is bound, and who is unchained, Elisa's hair let down and her ties about Yuliana's wrist? She is unleashed and she is leashed, and always, always are they together.
"Oh, Elya," Yuliana sighs fondly, nosing her face in against her wife's neck, nuzzling into her. "Forever..."
Her breath, for now, is warm against Elisa's neck. "That you'd go so far for me... I'm happy," she says, and she is changed, from that woman who once snapped at her for destroying the authorities who would let her die so easily. She does not view these changes with as much fear as the alterations to her flesh. "Though... I'm scared, Elya... scared to defy Her. I'll need your strength, zhenushka..."
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Always.
"Forever," Elisa says again.
Elisa's breath is not so warm, but it is Yuliana's. Yuliana has changed, and indeed... perhaps these changes are different.
"Fear of action is the recognition of audacity," Elisa says seriously.
"...My strength is yours. Our strength will be enough."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Always is she changed, by those she loves.
"My faith is yours," Yuliana can promise it so much more easily to Elisa, who does do right by her. "I believe in you, zhenushka, so... I believe in us." Both of them, together. They are strong. Strong enough to topple God from Her throne...?
She takes a long, shuddering breath, and this is for Elisa, too.
"Audacity..." She echoes, finally, at length. "Elya... She'll know. She'll feel rejected... She won't be happy, will She? What are we to do...?"
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
And nevermind if Yuliana's faith has changed targets. Elisa will not begrudge her this.
"In us," Elisa agrees. "Together are we strongest."
That long breath... Yes.
"She will," Elisa says. "But what is she to do? She may continue to try to shape you, to steal you from me. Perhaps I can find something for this..."
"But I already have the technology to shield you from Her hand, when we act. She loves you still; She cannot strike at me while my essence is anchored to this world."
"We must thus anchor ourselves ever more to this universe..."
"...Whether NUNE likes it or not."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"She does love me... oh, Elya, this feels so like a betrayal," Yuliana says, as she flinches to slip a knife into someone between herself and her wife. (Even if that person -- is her Wife.) "But... but it's as Leyasha keeps trying to tell me. And Yaka, I suppose... they say it isn't right, for someone who loves me to hurt me so. Not always with those words, but... but it's something those people would say, isn't it? It isn't right. So it's just fine for us to act against Her, isn't it? Isn't it fine? Since She's hurting me..."
Their logic, at least, serves some use here.
She takes another shuddering breath, burying in close to her wife, frills tickling at her jaw. "If we grow too distant... if we become unanchored, you could be in danger, Elya. So we have to hold on tight... I don't want you to get hurt!" It's not even the first time Yuliana has grown upset over her immortal wife being hurt, even if it might be the first time she ought to worry.
"It's not about... changing this world any more, is it, Elya?" She ventures, unsure.
"We have to use this world... to change the Void..."
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"It is our way," Elisa says. "..And yes. Leina is right, in this. One who loves you should be more concerned with your well-being. With what you need, and wish, and desire."
"It is something those people say, but it is right all the same. And with our power, it shall be enough."
Leina is useful, after all. Elisa was concerned, but... again, the decision to keep her involved has paid off. It will do.
Elisa holds Yuliana. She nods. "I know," Elisa tells Yuliana. "With you, and our... family," she says, "I shall be well."
Another reason to cleave close to them...
But Yuliana speaks it into being, and Elisa smiles.
"From that which is, we shall create what will be."
"...And our Callers shall help us sing it into being."