2024-03-28: Leina's Persistence
- Log: Leina's Persistence
- Cast: Yuliana Kafim, Leina Ashta
- Where: The Photon Power Labs
- Date: 2024-03-28 (ICly January 0099)
- Summary: Leina tries to visit Yuliana after a session, only for her diversional therapist to get in the way and have a chat with her in the cafeteria instead. They insist that Leina come visit her the next day -- and even in that stabler form, Yuliana still has a lot of doubts and insecurities. But Leina's still here helping her, and that matters.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
And in the end, you're left with nothing. You think of yourself as that corpse... no, you're alive. You hear yourself breathing. Panting. Ravenous.
There was a picture playing, once. If you stare at the space, you might see it again --
No. It wasn't that.
There. Do you see it? To the left. A different left.
Hungry... it's hungry.
No, it's an eye. No, it's her eye. A woman. A Woman. The Woman has come again, now you're so hungry. So desperately alone. She hears you. No one can hear you, in here, but she hears you anyway. One eye, two, ten.
Don't be afraid.
The emptiness can't hurt you. This is so like your space. The place you belong. You're not like them. They don't understand how quiet it is, here. They defile this sacred space with their noise and their lights. If they knew truth, they would perish. But they are not realised. They will not seek truth.
I am here.
I am 'waiting' ...here... for you.
So... if you come here...
You will find me.
I promise.
"No more... no more... no more
"things...
"Nothing.
"There's
"something
"in the spaces...
"Forgive me. Forgive me, Doctor. I don't
"... I don't know...
"I see it. I see the truth. I understand. But I'm afraid. Don't send me back there, Doctor.
"...
"Consumption.
"Tch, yeah -- I'm so fucking HUNGRY!"
...---...
OST: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6DHggNoWDc CHVRCHES - Asking For A Friend
"Is that how you remember it?" Alectros asks, as they look over the sand tray, the scooped out isolation zone and the white coat outside it. The memories clearly still bother Yuliana, dealing with them even after she went back home for Christmas. No wonder she's back here again, in the middle of January.
"Mm," Yuliana hums, glancing away. "I think it messed with my brain, or something... I was there... then I wasn't. The time when nothing happened, then suddenly it's all happening... like that. I guess Dr. Devi was cruel, but I don't... remember what she said. I don't all the way remember what I said. But it felt -- like that. Like that. I met some more of her, I guess, victims, so it's been stuck in my head even more now..."
"That sounds tough," Alectros frowns. "Even if it's good to connect with people who get it, it can bring up difficult memories. I suppose it must have been easier for the Empress to reach out to you, when Devi was brainwashing you around hunger," they use Yuliana's word for it -- she does still prefer to avoid some of those trigger phrases, at least in their context.
"... yeah," Yuliana sighs, reaching over to embed plastic fencing at the edges of her exclusion zone. "Yeah, that had to be when it became more clear to me. I could feel it... and Devi was... teaching me. Then I started realising what was in the spaces Newtypes left behind... the empty spaces. Her empty spaces. I thought She surely hated them, but..." She shakes her head, and pushes the scientist figurine away from the crater. Then she pushes the other figurines away, too. A magical girl, a businessman... a bird. "... I think she surely must have hated everyone. I only noticed around the Newtypes because of the space where something should be."
"And since Dr. Devi told you to direct your anger towards them, too, it must have seemed reasonable to you at the time," Alectros says, sympathetically. "Do you still think that?"
"I think... I was taking it out on them," Yuliana sighs, again, deeply. "Leina's been good to me... so it's not like all Newtypes are bad. There are good ones. But they're in a precarious situation... and I don't know how they put up with feeling this way with everyone. It's quite unfortunate. They should let me help them!"
"Don't you think they might be wary of you, after you were taking it out on them?" Alectros presses.
"Hmph... they shouldn't be so unreasonable," Yuliana grumbles, shoulders hunching. "It's not like the Empress has it in for them, specifically... that's way more obvious now."
Alectros pauses for a moment, noticing the way Yuliana blames her own victims, and then asks: "Why is that?"
"It was many years... many years until I felt Her hatred for a girl," Yuliana explains, "and she wasn't -- I mean, she was a Newtype? But she was double, triple the Newtype of most other Newtypes, it's something different, it's... I don't know, a Super-Newtype?" Yuliana groans, as she buries her face in a hand. "Anyway, it was unmistakable... She was so angry, I had to kill her. I had to. I was totally incensed... She's never been that demanding around Sayla or Leina or Judau."
"And how many of these girls have you killed?" Alectros asks, and they manage not to sound too alarmed, at least.
Though it's a little hard not to flinch when Yuliana laughs. "Ha! Good question -- but it's zero! Zilch! I've never killed so much as one! And a good thing, at that -- I thought She wanted them dead, but She wants them under heel just as much. Not that I've managed to capture any, either... but it's easier to keep my head, at least, knowing that."
"Mm..." Alectros leans forward, looking at Yuliana across the sand tray. "And you say she hates them enough to force you to kill them. Do you think it's right to bring them to her, if she feels that way? If she tears you apart when she loves you... what do you think would happen to them?"
"What should I care?!" Yuliana demands, roughly. "She feels strongly about it, and I've already angered Her enough! I don't care! I don't care I don't care I don't care, they can rot!" She stomps a foot, to emphasise her point.
"Is it that you don't care," Alectros asks, calmly, "or are you afraid of giving her more reasons to hurt you? I just think you should think about how you feel about people," they go on, "instead of how she feels."
Yuliana frowns, quiet, for a moment. Tellingly, what she says is self-centred: "... I guess I am scared of that. She can compel me so easily... She frightens me."
And Alectros will note that narcissism down, but they don't challenge it, for the moment. Instead, they ask: "Do you feel you're in danger?"
"... sometimes." Yuliana frowns, her nails digging into her arms as she folds them and curls in. "She tried to tear me straight out of Emptear, you know... I saw Her claws as they lashed. And it got easier, after I turned the sensors up, too... She's waiting, there. She's been waiting, and for a long, long time..." She trails off, looking through the wall, to the left of the diversional therapist opposite her. "... Leina says I don't deserve it. She's worried about me... going to Her. But... She loves me. Of course I have faith in that. It's just... I do feel I'm in danger, sometimes. She grows too passionate, too anxious, too angry... I worry for the children. What if She hurt them to -- to keep me in line?" And worrying about her family may well be an extension of herself, but it is a little more encouraging, anyway.
"Does the Empress have access to your nephews?" Alectros asks, frowning.
"No, I -- I don't think so. I don't think so." She isn't sure. She embraces them in her own treacherous arms, after all. If She willed it... "But my Elisa assured me she'd protect them. She'll protect them, so I've nothing to worry about." And her brow knits, as she looks down at the sand tray. "It really shouldn't still bother me... actually, I'm done talking to you for today. I barely know you! Why would I just say all this?!"
It's not the first time she's dismissed a session so abruptly, so Alectros just nods, as they pick themself up. "Okay," they agree, without pushing. "You can stay in here as long as you like, Yuliana. I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"... okay," she says, poking dismally at one of the toys in the sand.
She rearranges it, when they're gone. She wraps pipe cleaners around a wanzer figurine; and at one end of it she puts a witch, and she rests the opposite end on the edge of the tray, the metal bent to hook around and keep it there.
(She'll go to the fairest.)
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"... We've certainly spoken on comparative suffering in the past." Dr. Sai Hinoki spoke calmly, placidly, beneath her bespectacles and dyed bangs. "But recently it feels like it's become more of a problem, you say. You've indicated it's even causing you to take certain actions - like dropping everything to go to the Arctic, for example. Why do you think that is?"
Leina was comfortable lounging in a chair, as it went on.
"Uh. Yeah. I guess - it's - so... this isn't being recorded right? I could get in a lot of trouble."
"It isn't. You requested it not be before we began."
"Good... I was worried - that she was piloting that thing again. And I was right, but I convinced her to come back. It's like an alcoholic that - that lapses I guess? Or someone who goes back to their spouse from the women's shelter? Sometimes they just need someone to take it upon themselves to pull them back out of that situation."
"I see. But given that you invoked comparative suffering that would mean a great deal of your motivation for such extreme actions is your - time as Puru-1... comparing that to Yuliana's situation in your head?"
"Uh yeah - um. Right to it."
Leina says after a moment, "Sure. I mean. Yes. I get all twisted up on how how bad it was for her for years. And how she's only been getting help for like - six months? Give or take. Like - the amount of help she needs... it's hard to think our situations are comparable. I was in there for like, four and a half months? Give or take? And like seventy five percent of the time I wasn't even in the lab. Just - like yeah - my mind can't parse her situation in just that she's been through - suffered more than me - that she needs more help than I ever did - to get - to get to somewhere close to functional."
"And if it was Elpeo - say in that position, you'd feel the same way?"
"... Yes. Or Eight or - any number of people. I guess it's also just - the raids lately, in Cathedra. It's, my role is different. When I was in Shuffle, it was about - I suppose shutting a place down was the start of my work. Now it's - the end of it. Other Agencies take over - and... well the victims. There's not really time to have that personal connection. It - it bugs me - I guess. Like the amount of responsibility I can take for any one of them after the fact. But for her... I can?"
"Do you ever consider in her situation, the scale of the problem?"
"I mean... yeah? The scale matters it's just. She's someone I can help, now - whose help I can take personal responsibility for. In a lot of ways she's still in the middle of it. And can't get away from it. Even now that she's out of the lab, her suffering hasn't really ended?"
"So you think you have personal responsibility towards easing her suffering?"
"I- ... Why wouldn't I? If someone's drowning in front of you, shouldn't you do something about it? Especially after so many people helped save you from drowning?"
"That's an apt way to put it. Do you have any Lifeguard training, Leina?"
"Uh. Sure. ... Yeah. Just the basic cert."
"What's the rule for helping someone that's drowning?"
Leina's brow knitted, and she looked away from the screen, irritated, "That's not fair. It's... not the same thing."
"It's not, no." Dr. Hinoki told her placidly, "But let us consider for a moment that framework. Let us suppose that she's drowning - and you're no longer drowning, newly saved, holding onto the pier, but still treading water. It's been a grueling situation for you - where even when you're resting from that experience, you've not truly had time to recover."
Leina replied bitterly, "I've had time, more than enough time."
"That you think that explains why you cut down on our sessions... despite me recommending otherwise. Is it fair of me to say, you're unable to evaluate your own needs adequately, when someone you care about is suffering in front of you?"
Eventually she broke the silence, blurting out, irritated, "So what are you saying? That I should look away! Let it happen!" Dr. Hinoki sat back, and stated, "I wasn't saying anything, I was asking. But - let me skip to the end point - you're still in the water Leina. And all you can do is focus on someone else in the water."
She adjusted her glasses after a moment...
"If you tunnel vision to the point of obsession over her suffering, are you 'letting it happen' or are you 'taking yourself for granted'?"
Leina's eyes narrowed, as she crossed her arms, sinking in her seat, "You did that on purpose."
"Yes." She confirmed, without apology.
-=-=-
There's a knock on the door frame, as Leina stands there, in a light pink jacket, a long sleeved white blouse, and a long denim skirt. There are knitted leg warmers that flare out to cover part of the flats she's wearing.
Likely she has a coat in her room, and more seasonable garb besides. But right now she was still somewhat bitter about her flight being late. Because of that - her session had to take place in her PPL Guest Room, unbeknowst to Sai Hinoki.
Making it that much more pointed. "Hey Yuliana." She smiles at her by the sand tray, "Holiday Break is coming to an end, so thought I'd swing by before heading back to the ring."
She blinks, and looks at Alectros, wondering, "Oh - wait you're... Are you two mid session? I could always go grab lunch first..."
How'd she find her here at all without realizing she might be in therapy right now?
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Alectros was already rising, but they look to Yuliana and let her reply first. "Just finishing up," she mumbles, her tentacles coiling about her legs as they tuck into the chair. "Don't worry about it."
(Well, it's possible seeing Leina might have made her a little less paranoid. Not for them, though, apparently. They don't take it personally.)
"I was about to get some lunch..." Alectros starts to offer, before Yuliana cuts in: "No, it's okay. Leina's fine. She can come in if she wants." Of course she didn't think about why they might be trying to get Leina some space before talking to her at all. Why would that concern her? Obviously Alectros was trying to spare her.
(And that's not even entirely untrue; giving her a little space would be better for both of them.)
"Why don't you come out and get some lunch when you're ready, too?" Alectros suggests.
And Yuliana, who has always quite liked food, replies: "I'm not hungry."
They smile sympathetically, and look to Leina, instead. "How about it?" Lunch, that is.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
There's this moment as she looks at Yuliana, as she tells her it's okay, and there's some uncertainty. Seeing that it was a session already makes her feel like she's intruding.
And indeed sometimes SHE needs time after a session as an outlet, like, she goes running a lot, she just couldn't today.
Alectros however says they're about to get some lunch and despite them being close to Yuliana, Leina looks at them, because she actually CAN take a hint without cues about one's intentions from another sense.
It's just she has to evaluate it a little more closely. Even as Yuliana tries to tell her it's fine to stay.
There's a long pause, where Leina is struggling as ordinarily her instinct is 'I know best' but they're a professional - she understands what they're hinting at and...
... what Dr. Hinoki said looms large.
"Tell you what - I'm pretty hungry... you know those flights, those snacks they give you are barely even filling. I'll get all my Holiday pics organized for you and be back after?"
It's not even a lie. She flew economy this time. Despite Benerit Security groaning hard whenever she chooses that over a private shuttle.
But - the thought did hit her, even as she was about to charge into that room and just say to herself 'I know best'.
Was she getting tunnel vision?
Was she taking herself for granted, all over again?
There was a smile at the Doctor, then back at Yuliana. She is in fact, waiting for a response just in case - but...
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Sure," Yuliana says, shrugging a shoulder. "You gotta eat. I'll be around."
Is she a LITTLE offended Leina didn't think to eat BEFORE coming to see her? Sure, but it's not, like, the worst sin Leina's ever committed. Maybe that just means she was concerned enough about her that she wanted to make sure things were fine with her first.
"Great," Alectros smiles. "Feel free to keep using the activity room, Yuliana. I trust you." (This isn't exactly a standard care facility, after all.) They gesture Leina out, and...
... when they sit down in the Cafeteria, Alectros smiles, to her. (It's pretty barren, this time of day. Most people take their lunches later than this because they're all buried in their work.)
"Thanks for picking up what I was putting down there," they say, over their sandwich. "I won't get into it too much," though Yuliana has consented for Leina to know about what's going on with her, as one of the people she trusts to look out for her here, "but the stuff she's dealing with right now... I think it'd be tough for you, too, Leina. It's safer for you to give her some time to collect her thoughts after digging it all up, too."
Monch, monch. "I at least wanted you to be prepared before you went in there. We're working on her relationship with 'that being', but... she needs to process it through her experiences at the labs. She'll probably be preoccupied with that, more than her marriage... even if it's her marriage that's the primary concern." They pause, looking up to Leina. "Just remember that untangling that is our job, okay? Dr. Mikamura, Dr. Kimura, myself, Sachie, Atsuko... this is complex work. It's great that you want to support your friend, and it does help her... but right now, she's not always in a position to be considerate about your own situation."
Meanwhile, Yuliana paints.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Leina smiles, relieved, it's not an enthusiastic response but it's also not a detonation either where she might have to deescalate these feelings by acquiescing.
"Be back soon." Is all she says to Yuliana, before turning and leaving with the Doctor.
Once in the cafeteria, she's got a pretty good spread of some curry Udon and a radish salad, "Oh no problem. It was very loud and clear." Leina rubs the side of her arm before spreading a napkin on her lap, "Sorry for intruding that soon after, I normally wind down after my sessions myself with a run."
Alectros continues to talk though, and she listens to them as they keep going on, "Mmm. That." She starts, stops, and taking the moment to crack her chopsticks and eat some of her salad- "That might be so."
She admits, taking a breath, after all they are the professional, and she's trying to take herself less for granted too. It's an active problem, and it's difficult to force herself not to.
Her eyes wander up to Alectros as they talk about that being, and there's a certain intensity perhaps. "That being... huh?"
It's such a strange way to regard it, and what they say about it being their job. There's a sudden, exhalation, and a nod. It's... difficult, for her not to assume a sense of personal responsibility towards her recovery.
Not after she brought her back.
"I'll try my best to keep that in mind. It's just - I don't know, it feels like so many people have given up on her, or indicate that I ought to. It's hard not to feel like I - have to consider it my job."
Her eyes drift up to them, "She told you that she went back right? Got in that thing again? It's - her doing that - it's supposed to be this Earthsphere wide Emergency, given what happened last time, but it's hard not to see it as like - nnngh."
There's a shake of her head, but it's not difficult for Alectros to understand what she means, that she's seeing it as - a battered woman going home from the Shelter or the like.
She takes a breath.
"Like - be real with me for a moment Doc, barring scientific breakthroughs, do we have a snowball's chance here?"
Her seagreen eyes stare at them with a certain intensity, or at least a desire for hope, "With this 'entity' being biologically connected to her? Like right now I'm not even sure her wife hasn't been brainwashed too by this thing? So it feels like - what's the word... boulder up a hill ano... eto- Sisi-"
No that's Spanish. Just imagine her fumbling through Japanese for a little while before coming up with...
"-Shishufen."
She finally arrives at the loan word for Sisiphyean.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"It's no problem," Alectros assures Leina, when she worries about intruding. "But did you really come to find her first thing..?"
And they clarify, when Leina is confused about 'that being': "The Empress, as Yuliana calls her. I try to keep in mind that she's really more of an extradimensional force than a woman, generally speaking."
They tilt their head, though, when Leina says that people give up on Yuliana. "The Director is a stubborn woman," they point out, with a dry grin. "There's no way she'd give up on Yuliana with the job half-finished -- and it's not like the rest of us are lagging behind. The only concern here is whether Yuliana gives up on herself... we can't force her to get help."
They sigh, though, and take another bite of their sandwich. "But she has told me... yeah. She can't see what Elisa's done, asking her to test those things out for her... she thinks that because they protected her, it's a good thing. It's particularly hard for her to consider Elisa as a factor, here. You see, she's taking her good relationship with her as proof that things are better than they are. You're aware of her splitting defences, of course, so... right now, it's bad enough that she'll disengage if Elisa so much as comes up at the wrong time."
Alectros shakes their head. "It's possible that Elisa's being affected, too. Yuliana did say that her wife... well, to be frank, she said her wife went to the moon to think about it, and I really doubt that, but it's clear she's preoccupied with the possibility. I won't say it isn't very difficult... very difficult. Yuliana is prone to backsliding... I suspect her wife is influencing that, too. But..."
They finish off their sandwich, and gesture outwards. "... she is making progress. If she stays engaged, if she's able to keep recovery as her priority, she'll be able to improve. Realistically, it will take five to ten years for her to be able to... engage in society the way we might expect someone to, and that's presuming the domestic violence grows no worse. But I see no reason to view connection to an extradimensional being as a death sentence. It's clear even now that we're able to moderate that connection -- and redirect her attention from it. If we're able to keep researching... I'm sure the Director will find a way to break the link, one day."
They frown, though, looking to Leina. "So I'm telling you it's not impossible -- but I'm not saying it's simple, either. And it depends on a lot of factors... particularly Yuliana's engagement, but Elisa's continued willingness, too. There are a lot of reasons this could fail which have nothing to do with it being impossible to help her -- or the effort you've put in. Here at the PPL, we don't give up on people who need help... but I don't want you to use that as a reason to blame yourself, either."
They pause, for a moment. "Now... are you sure you want to go and see her right now? I can go back and talk to her, if you need more time. I'm comfortable if you want to visit, but I don't want to see you pushing yourself, either. Okay?"
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"Well almost, I put bags down and I had to make some calls for personal matters."
She DOESN'T say that she had a therapy session of her own shortly after arriving due to the timing of the flight.
They don't need to know that, or that she's following her therapist's advice but also NOT following it by immediately coming over to see Yuliana.
"Well. She is now." Is Leina's simple, initial comment on the Empress, perhaps it's to 'suss out' what Yuliana has and hasn't said in therapy.
After all, the Empress having been a woman before is an important detail.
There's a lopsided grin at the comment on the Director, "Well you're probably right but - it's not impossible she'd defer it."
Leina says casually to the teasing, "After all I know it's pretty on brand for women here to threaten to climb into the cockpit when they're at you know - thirty six weeks."
She says of a rumor about Jun that Jun herself sure deflected a lot. "With Sayaka it feels only half likely she'd put off the wedding, the honeymoon or - anything that comes after to drag Yuliana back here but... you know, it's an important time in any woman's life."
Yet perhaps that's deflecting herself, on how Yuliana needs to want to get help, eventually though, as she decides eventually to answer the rest-
"Sometimes I wonder on that, it's - I understand why, but it feels like - she's still just brainwashed enough to call it diminished capacity? Like it's just been - twisted in another direction."
There's this, sigh. "Like dunno if she's mentioned - as probably not - but her wife still brainwashes her in niche cases? It's just a thing she does when - Yuliana's beliefs would cause people Elisa needs to come to harm?"
She gives Alecto this, tired look, "Just this little nudge to 'exclude this person' or 'exclude that person' sometimes I wonder if Yuliana takes to me in part because Elisa finds my care for her convenient."
Her chopsticks pick at her salad for a moment, "Sometimes I wonder if she did it to me. Like - just a small zap, way smaller than Alma, and suddenly I can't give up, but that's probably just paranoia after - everything that happened to me."
It's at least good to hear that Yuliana has told her what happened, but, she flinches at 'splitting defenses', "Yeah I'm aware. Even the one time I did get through to her on Elisa some - just after the North Pole - she immediately like - it's almost like she retroactively changed what I said, in her head to make it more acceptable - so that I didn't 'slight' her wife."
She slurps up some of her noodles, the spiciness a boon to the chill outside, it's a seasonal enough meal, her eyes flick up mid slurp on going to the Moon and-
- well she swallows her noodles first, and wipes her chin, she's not Judau, "No that one is probably true." On her going to the Moon to think about it, "Yeah - likely so, I'm not sure how much of that is even supernatural versus - normal manipulation. It's - my source could only cite one time for sure."
Alectro says she's making progress - if she stays engaged, but - "Five to ten years." Leina repeats, unhappily, and...
... she rubs her face, disturbed, "Wow, went back to it immediately." She murmurs, realizing her head was already going towards COMPARING their recovery times.
"Uh - sorry. Just - needed a moment to process that one." She pauses, "It's tough for me to evaluate what the domestic violence situation will be like from here on out." Is her initial, cautious answer, "I had a good talk with Elisa recently, during the incident, and indeed - she can be reasoned with but... I'm hesitant to think that I can reason an abuser not to abuse."
The same perhaps applies to Yuliana... or if she goes back further, Elpeo. Even after Elpeo got away from Glemy... it was still her on the beach, trying to murder her, trying to strangle her with a pipe.
She'd been shot, she'd been bleeding out - but the ten year old - she had to be sure didn't she? She had to be sure.
After all, when one is taught to kill, it makes sense that one would need to make certain the kill was confirmed.
"At most I - I won't even say implanted, but interrogated a doubt she held that her actions may not be her own. It's not based on any like - evidence I have, other than what Elisa herself can accomplish through her magic - and how this entity took part in making what she is now."
Still, it would be nice to save her too? Then again, if Yuliana is drowning on the surface, then Elisa is standing on the ocean floor with her arms crossed, waiting for Yuliana to finish drowning so they can be together.
"The most we can probably cautiously hope for is that they're not going to try and start some extradimensional apocalypse on Earth, again." A beat, "Unless Elisa changes her mind... again? God - she put her back in that thing, as if 'safety features' would be enough."
Leina rubs her cheek, immediately losing optimism in that evaluation, even as Alectro tells her it's not impossible, nor simple - and the myriad of factors involved which can't be attributed to her.
"Uh. Okay. Um." Leina takes a moment, thinking about it and- "How about like - go back and let her know I'm taking a work call? If she presses you can always say like - it sounds like my commander is upset at me for misfiling some report before break and I'm taking care of it?"
Leina looks at them, and- "Like no need to lie if you think if it's like, professional ethics, but a little more time to take a walk and clear my head first."
There's this weak shrug as she notes, "Like I'll be real Doc, I'm not in the best state, but I think given how Yuliana is if I backed out of seeing her now rather than just put it off, she'd take it as a pretty grave insult."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"If the wedding were on," Alectros points out, "I'm sure Yuliana would want to be there. She's quite enthusiastic about marriage." Understatement of the century.
"She hasn't mentioned that, no," Alectros says, brows raising, as she relates Yuliana's current experiences with brainwashing. "Actually, she's said the opposite -- that Elisa isn't brainwashing her. She insisted that she asked her, and Elisa said that to her face... it's just another way Elisa treats her better than that entity does, in her mind." They frown. "If Yuliana is being brainwashed... that is another factor to consider. And we'll keep an eye on you, certainly... but I don't want you to think that your concern must be brainwashing, either. Considering your history with Elpeo, I'd be more concerned about external influence if you were able to give up easily."
They gesture, with a nod. "And yes -- I can see what might have happened there, but you're right, it's also normal manipulation. You see, there are -- there are a lot of ways to influence someone without going as far as mind control. From my observations, Elisa coerces Yuliana in a lot of ways... and she's still taking advantage of the REA's methods, too. It sounds like what happened to you was Yuliana policing her own thoughts to keep her compliant... changing what she hears and what she thinks to maintain her loyalty. The end-point of something like that is thought-stopping -- and while she is quite proud of not engaging in REA thought-stopping any more, I'm sure you've heard her insist that she loves her wife in places it really oughtn't fit. Even fiddling with her wedding ring... they all serve to remind her not to think the wrong thing. And while those habits began in the REA, it seems that Elisa has no qualms exploiting them, either." They pause. "Actually... I think Yuliana might even just quote Elisa, sometimes. I don't have any proof -- it's difficult for me to observe them together -- but there are times she'll break away from progress to insist on something which really doesn't feel like what she would have said. In that situation, I'd certainly suspect that she's referring to some greater authority to guide her thinking... but it's just a hunch of mine." They shake their head, sighing, and give her that moment to process.
"... it is an abusive marriage," they confirm, at length. "It's too bad... if we'd known she was in trouble when she was fighting the Mycenae War, we would've helped for sure. But she never said anything... and I only realised I had to study therapy after I saw what happened, back then." Alectros frowns, more deeply, this time. "Back then, I didn't know what to look for... I don't think most of us did. And she'd been trained quite well to mask it, even if we were... but part of me does think that, you know. If only we'd looked out for our own, she wouldn't have gone back there. Years later, she met Elisa, and... you know, it's out of the frying pan, into the fire. But saying 'what if' is a giant trap, right?" They laugh, shaking their head. "We already got out of that one... so it's no good to dive right back in."
They scrutinise Leina for a moment though, and say: "Nah. I take it back. You should definitely get some sleep before seeing Yuliana, Leina. If you're asking me to lie about work putting you under the boot just to get a minute, you need more than a minute. I'm going to go back in there and talk to her -- and you're gonna come back and see her tomorrow after you've slept off your jetlag and your anxiety a bit. Got it?"
OH NO, THE FOOT. IT'S GOING DOWN. IT HAS HIT THE FLOOR. THIS IS TERRIBLE!
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Leina definitely knows how much Yuliana loves a wedding. But-
She snorts when it comes to what Yuliana said, "Yeah of course Elisa said that." It could be some stupid semantic thing like 'No that's not brainwashing, it's my love for you' or it could be a lie of omission. Or it could just be a lie.
"Thank you. It's - I'm in a better place now, but it's hard not to be a little paranoia about being put back in that state." She points with her chopsticks around, "Just about the only reason I'm not surrounded by like, a full security detail right now is because this is the PPL grounds. They allow it to be an exception."
There's a frustrated noise however as she hears about the depths of what Elisa does to keep Yuliana in her grasp, that even small gestures are-
"Oh yeah. I've heard it. Heard it all the time. It's almost like Elisa's introduced it as a scientific law of her existence."
However, when they note about - quoting Elisa... she responds.
"I've... well, I've seen similar, I'm not sure but it sure doesn't sound like the words originally came from her. I do sometimes wonder if we tripped some - suggestive trigger or the like."
There is however a moment, and a sigh, "Like - it's hard to blame y'all for not noticing because yeah, Gryps was the first time the public got knowledge that the Fed was catching up in the Cyber Newtype arms race, and at first it was presumed to be mostly a Titans thing. It'd take years to disseminate all that information in the psychiatric community. A fucked up REA pilot feels like - the standard."
Her gaze is just abstracted for a moment, "Even being in close proximity with a Cyber Newtype lab during that time, I got it so wrong on what a Cyber Newtype even is - much less how to deal with them."
She feels bad about it to this day, even working on it, those words said to her in the moment. Even when she was fighting for her life.
It's when Alectro says 'Nah' that Leina scrunches up her face, like 'what?' and telling her to get some sleep, "Wait now hold on." But Alectro keeps going, and Leina looks distinctly upset. "Now hey come on - if you're worried - then you can be in the room, whatever - but you can't be serious. Tomorrow?"
There's a look of irritated incredulity, "Come on Doc, you're the professional talking to her. That's just going to make your job so much harder if I ghost her today for what? To catch a nap? At the very least I need to see her for like an hour first and then I make that excuse about being jet lagged. I don't want to set her back."
She's arguing back, but not too angrily yet, after all, she thinks she's being logical and can help logic Alectro here into understanding the need for this to happen.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"You were hurt badly yourself," Alectros points out, when Leina worries about being put back in that state. "I'm not surprised you're worried about it. We're keeping an eye out for you, don't worry."
They nod, when Leina talks about suggestive triggers. "It's possible. Those behavioural cues don't even necessarily require brainwashing... just reinforcement."
And when Leina talks about the arms race, they frown. "Yeah... and the REA got a Titan in to help with their program, to boot. It's no wonder... but you can't be faulted for not knowing how to handle it, Leina."
They hold up a hand, finally. "I'm serious. And I am the professional -- so I know how to handle it tactfully. You may not be my patient, Leina, but I can stop you from seeing mine when you're compromised. You're more likely to 'set her back' if you try to give to her when you've got nothing in the tank... and that's not even addressing the impact on you."
They wave her off, "Go on. Get some sleep."
Apparently, it's not an argument.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
It's nice to have someone say they'll be keeping an eye on you. It's much harder to accept it when they're making a difficult decision in that way.
Leina tenses when they hold up a hand, and her frown deepens. Sure they're the professional, but a professional means that they make those choices from their office.
It means they'll never have to go out in an Ichinana and convince her to come back. It means they'll never risk her wrath when she's in the force escalator that is a Wanzer, or Emptear.
She takes a deep breath, and looks away, "Fine. Whatever. Just you're the pro - I thought you told me you needed five to ten years of her engagement. Not more reasons she decides to leave before the time I wake up."
It is true that they are the professional... but Leina - Leina perhaps considers her role to be the motivator.
It's been what she's done her whole life, to go into places she's not supposed to be, to make someone do what they're supposed to.
For their own good.
"Whatever."
-=-=-
So no Leina isn't going to say she took two hours THINKING about just you know, happening to show up at Yuliana's room when the Doc wasn't there.
She didn't ACT upon it, because she knows it makes her therapist right. "I'm supposed to have self-control, what the hell is wrong with me, I was kvetching at her Doctor. I'm always the one who demands people follow their Doctor's advice."
She knows it makes Doctor Hinoki right, hell she knows it makes Alectros right.
Eventually she takes multiple Neo-Clonazepam and lays down because holy hell. About four hours in she wakes up, takes a shower, and goes back to bed. Sleeps two hours- then lays there two more.
-=-=-
"Hey it's... it's early, I sorry to bother you, I try to - I can't believe I'm calling you right now."
"This is the first time you've ever used this personal line. You've never contacted me save for our scheduled appointments, despite my reassurance it's alright." Doctor Hinoki commented mildly, "This is in bounds, I promise you. Now, what's wrong?"
-=-=-
"... Mmm, I see."
"You're upset, aren't you. That I was already at the PPL when-"
"I'm certainly not thrilled that you failed to mention this detail which was pertinent to our session, so I could set boundaries for you in our plan, but - we'll deal with that later. For now - we're going to discuss coping strategies."
"Okay."
"And then you're going to try and get some more sleep."
"... My flight's today."
"Good. Don't reschedule it."
-=-=-
It's late afternoon when Leina comes to find Yuliana again, finally - at least mostly better rested.
She's probably gonna assess the situation first, better - she promised Hinoki.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Just trust me on this one," Alectros assures her.
(They don't take her sullenness personally, either. There's a reason they're on Yuliana's team, and it's not because they're easily offended.)
And when tomorrow comes...
... Yuliana isn't in the middle of a session.
She's hugging Plyushokrova in the break room, all tucked up on one of the lounges, and watching what looks to be an ANCIENT movie on her tablet where it's propped up on the armrest. It's surely a restoration -- things from that era rarely survived so intact that someone can just watch it right through, but there's enough interest in remaking classical films that they live on to this day.
She laughs at some joke which was outdated hundreds of years ago, and she seems happy enough, all things considered.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Unfortunately anxiety is not a rational thing.
In many ways her anxiety probably stems back to Shangri-La. Judau is out there - Judau is doing crimes - Inaction means he continues doing crimes. Inaction means he'll continue to skip school.
Inaction is Cowardice.
Let it not be said that Ashtas are cowards, even their anxiety is hardwired towards action rather than inaction.
Which is why Inaction makes her anxiety so much worse.
Leina does assess the situation - a task performed by a single tiny pink Mini-Haro that Yuliana hasn't seen before.
Leina looks upon her watch through the camera lens at her hugging Plyushokrova, watching a movie and eventually hits the recall button. The Haro rolling away and being put in Leina's bag at the bottom.
She then takes a breath, and knocks at the door, smiling. "Hey Yuliana. How's it going?"
Assess - don't automatically assume she needs to apologize or something.
No matter how much it feels she did something wrong by not acting before - even if she's acting now.
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
Knock, knock... "Leyasha!" Yuliana says, brightening, as a tentacle reaches over to boop the tablet. The ancient film helpfully pauses. (Her technology is not only throwing-against-the-wall proof, but also, evidently, tentacle-proof.) "Come in, come in. It's good to see you -- can you believe that Alectros? They said I shouldn't have visitors when I was that agitated!" She huffs, hugging her green stuffed tiger to her, pouting. That explains how they pitched it, apparently. "Stupid... ugh, but I guess it's fine. They're just worried about me or whatever..."
She smiles again, though, gesturing for Leina to sit at one of the other couches scattered around. She's at least thoughtful enough to suggest that and not sitting next to her. "But it's fine now," she insists, straightening up on the couch. "It's fine now. I'm doing well. You said you're on holidays, didn't you? They've been giving you time off in Cathedra, I hope?"
A light pause, and Yuliana adds: "Oh, I hope that -- little safety test didn't cause you any trouble with your work, last month. I forgot to ask... well, I'm sure if it was too much trouble you'd have said something, wouldn't you?"
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"It's good to see you!" Leina tells her, as she steps inside the room. Now she's back in a black slip dress over pink long sleeved blouse, rather than what she was wearing the day before.
"Hmm. Yeah they told me the same thing - but it was probably for the best? I was having a little bit of a panic attack over some - life stuff."
She smiles apologetically even if she doesn't actually say the words I'm sorry, "So I'm not sure I would have been fit company even if they had told me it was okay."
Leina does take a seat, trying for a seat that's close enough to be comfortably conversational without necessarily being in range of the SILENT CALLING.
(No that's not what she actually calls it.)
"Oh yeah - I've been technically on call if we got a good enough tip but - nah - no actionable intelligence during the holidays. So mostly I've just been... resting? Yeah. I hit up the Gala with Mom a few days back."
There's a pause at her question, "Well... it could? Technically you being in Emptear is considered a 'Critical Earthsphere Defense Emergency' - me not putting in a call - well I suppose 'sensing it' isn't something that my Commander would want to act upon without confirmation."
There's a shrug of her shoulders on them not wanting to act upon a Newtype sense, "In fact you being here at all could get me in a lot of trouble? The PPL too? It's technically on Benerit Land - the only reason my detail isn't in the room now is for that reason, as they trust the PPL to handle my security."
There's a prolonged pause, "Like - I've actually gotten in trouble once already for sneaking away from my detail just to have some privacy with my girlfriend for a few days. And the only reason they didn't find out about Emptear is because Shiro and I launched from here."
She decides girlfriend rather than Ex for now. "So using their property as a blind spot? Yeah- like, they wouldn't fire me because they can't - really, but it would probably damage their trust in me - give you fewer safe havens - and well-"
She's got a little bit of a rueful smile, "-well there is a reason I wanted you to make a deal with them but, since you weren't willing to take that leap, I chose the option which best respected your wishes?"
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Oh, that's awful!" Yuliana says, a hand coming to her mouth, all aghast to hear that Leina was having a panic attack. (She couldn't tell.) "Are they treating you poorly?! Poor dear, no wonder you wanted to escape out here..."
No one is out of range of the Silent Calling. :)
... but there's a couch beside Yuliana's that isn't quite in arm's reach, so Leina can escape her horrible mojo.
"Well... seeing the Gala must have been nice, at least," she sighs, settling back down. (She would have absolutely gotten up and murdered a man on Leina's behalf, probably. That's how you show someone you care.) "I don't get out terribly much, these days -- you know, the wanted posters... Elya took me out dancing atop the Eiffel Tower for our anniversary, though," she shares, with a warm smile. "She must have booked the entire thing out to avoid any unwanted guests... she even hired an orchestra so we'd have music to dance to!"
(If Leina looks it up, later, she will indeed find that the Eiffel Tower was booked out by a wealthy anonymous Britannian on the night of the Kafims' wedding. It was all quite legal and above-board.)
But she sighs, hugging Plyushokrova to her chest as she reflects on the trouble Leina's suffering. "Emptear is that much of a villain...? She's just the armour I wear... well, I suppose I'm hardly popular, myself. I guess I see why they'd be worried... but I don't wish to cause you trouble, you know. I'm grateful for what you've done... um..."
Her tentacles wrap around to hug the stuffed tiger, too. "... I don't know... it would have been difficult for me to cope with the Empress's demands if I couldn't come here. She's not my enemy, but She is... very anxious, Leyasha, and She doesn't listen to my reasoning. And... they said the, the dereality or whatever it was, the beliefs She gave me about how I was different to everyone... they said it was so I wouldn't say anything and ask for help. It was Dr. Devi who taught me that, but... but no one helped me until Elya came along. Even though I knew people like Boss and Alectros and Osvaldo and -- and even that Lilith, I even knew her -- no one helped me," she repeats, again. "Even if it's because no one liked me... people didn't hate me so much back then. But I guess I didn't say anything..."
Her head dips, cheek resting on Plyushokrova's fluffy skull. "It bothers me, Leyasha... what if I suffered for a long time... just so Elya could find me first? The Empress has always... been willing to cause me pain in Her efforts to fix me, but..."
She trails off, swallowing something down.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"Oh no, not at all it's - I've had struggles with anxiety since I was a kid." Leina tells her honestly, "They just got worse as a teenager."
She doesn't say it's in part due to her Newtype awakening. It would be like saying her anxiety didn't exist before that - when her Newtype senses and experiences with that awakening merely made existing anxiety worse.
"I'm just - I tend to be very stubborn about private self-management, you know?"
At least she's admitting there is a problem with Yuliana, that there is a struggle, but perhaps it's easier in this space of mental health.
"Ehhh mixed feelings always about big affairs. Just - it feels like a type of exposure therapy. I did enjoy spending time with my Mom but you know how it is at those things - fake smiles - high society, the power games - the diplomacy with a smile while hiding a knife."
Leina leans forward as if to whisper scandalously, "And this is what donors act like at a charity event." Indeed, Yuliana knows, she's been to Yumi charity events, Leina's seen her, but it feels right to talk about it.
She does nod about the wanted posters - slowlllyyyy at hearing about the Eiffel tower since, well Christmas in Paris is a popular thing in the Mass household.
She'll look it up later.
"Well that was thoughtful of her. I'm glad you had a good time."
She hopes noone died, she really hopes noone died or got green hued eyes.
Leina blinks at Yuliana, then she smiles, "You're welcome. I'm just glad I'm able to help but... Yuliana... Emptear is seen as a villain by more than just humanity. Anything that can create miracles is in that class. Like - hell the Ra Mari recently got 'tested' by an alien that called it 'Magine power'. It's a broad classification for - things that can generate miracles by overthrowing the laws of physics."
She makes a motion with her hand, "Indeed, he said pretty much the same as Triple Zero, that such things inflict costs upon the universe. And that one day humanity may feel that cost for just, a brief miracle. Now - I don't know whether to believe him at face value - or believe it's just - his ideology but - it shouldn't be surprising that 'Emptear' is seen as a villain. The Banshee is locked away these days and called 'Singularity-2' by the NUNE Government. Same with the Unicorn."
She doesn't even put Rita out there that would just complicate matters, besides - Rita flew away, "These things that can overthrow reality just can't, run around - what happens if say - someone created an Emptear with technology that bypassed it's usual restrictions." Let's just say she doesn't believe that it couldn't be duplicated, that people couldn't be pushed in that cockpit who couldn't make it work, "And they immediately used it to cause an event to try and unilaterally overthrow a bloc. But that event just so happened to cause collateral that killed - you know, ballpark a billion people?"
It's said so casually, in that moment, "And that's why Singularity 2 still exists, sealed - to counter such things. That's my whole deal with Cathedra. Because that method of warfare should not be allowed to exist. Noone-"
Her eyes look upon her, resolute in this moment, "-and that includes a goddess, should be able to unilaterally oppose their will upon the future of humanity. A future where that is allowed to happen is too terrible to entertain."
There is perhaps a ghost of a smile there, a fondness for something in the past, "The script has to be one we all write together - if more of us hold good will towards each other than those who do not - then things will improve. Little by little."
She speaks however, of how to cope with the Empress Demands, and how she's anxious... about how those beliefs were instilled, and Leina - nods sadly, "Yeah. I think that's all true. On just them instilling those beliefs."
There's - a pause, and Leina looks away, and she takes a breath, and- then looks back - "It's not that people wouldn't have helped you all along, I think, yeah, they're right. It's that you were fostering you in a form of learned helplessness by both the Empress and the REA - that - even your dislike of Newtypes was a part of that campaign. Even after Elisa came into your life - you didn't want her to take you out of the REA. And she could have, immediately. And part of that probably is the disconnect between - the Empress and her - and the Empress not understanding you."
Her smile returns, as she, "But I think - there were always people out there, ready and willing to help you, Yuliana. They just had to know - they just had to find out. And back then - the information they needed to identify you were in trouble - it was only just starting to be really disseminated. Elisa found you because of magic powers - or divine insight - or whatever you want to call it. But there are so many out there - that would have tried to move heaven and earth to help you."
She makes a motion towards you, "Even if your own actions made it dangerous for them - they would have wanted to try - but in the end - it's always the same. You have to make that final step - when people reach across that gap."
A moment passes before-
"And you did... so that help is here, now because you took our hands. We didn't find you because of some divine connection - or magical resources - but because we see you. We saw you suffering - and we care about you - and want to help you make your way through life... as a fellow person."
There's just this warmth in her smile, her eyes, upon her expression, "I mean remember back in the day, like - you know how I saw it, from basically the start? You kinda hated it but - I did. And because I did I started trying to - get you to see it too? It was all so I could help get you to that point where - we could get you to this point. And while I wish it - hadn't taken some of the turns it did. I wish you hadn't had to suffer so much to get here... we're here now - and that counts for something."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"How awful," Yuliana frowns, sympathetically. "I understand. I've always been a little... dramatic... and they say that's that kind of thing, too. But it's quite difficult... to talk about it, isn't it? It's easier if no one knows what's going on. I prefer to handle things privately, myself..."
Which might be the best suggestion Yuliana can give Leina that her approach is flawed: Yuliana can sympathise with it.
She has to laugh, though, when Leina talks about high society. "Sometimes the knife is even literal!" She says, and she's amused. "Though at functions like that, poison was generally more practical... it was always a mess when there was a fuss which couldn't be passed off as a heart attack, you know."
She's all sunniness and smiles thinking of her anniversary, too. Surely no one died! Surely.
Probably.
Anyway.
Yuliana scowls, again, being compared -- even tangentially -- to the Ra Mari II. "Emptear isn't designed to interfere in worldly matters," she says, as if that makes it better. "The situation at Denver was an exception... something of that magnitude may have even concerned the Void." As if that makes it better. She's always been good at coming up with excuses! "Elya said we don't have to involve the Earth again... you should listen when she speaks to you." She's grumpy.
And she sighs, and sags into Plyushokrova again, as if mirroring the learned helplessness Leina accuses her of. (Was it an accusation?) "... Elya killed the Lieutenant Colonel who ordered me into Torrington, you know," she mutters, into the plush. "And I was cross with her. I yelled at her..! She wanted to help me... but I wasn't having it." She heaves another sigh into the soft fabric. "It's always been very hard for me to... accept, help, Leyasha. Sometimes I feel like I'm still... you know, there are things it's hard to talk about. Even though I'm trying very hard, I... oh, it's just complicated, and I don't want to give anyone the wrong idea. I do that -- a lot, you know, I -- I said I could be dramatic, didn't I? It causes a lot of problems..." Oh no. Now she's sad. That's worse.
"But... but it is nice you care," she says, shaking her head. "It is nice... I'm glad for that. And it's been helpful, here... I can sleep more, now, you know. I -- you know, it's even easier to look at you -- and I don't mean offence, you understand, there's just all those things that should be there around you and they're not and there are things in the cracks and... sometimes it was very hard to deal with that. I grew quite strange, dealing with it too much, sometimes. But the therapy makes it easier not to... pay attention to it, I guess... it's not that it isn't still there, but, you know, you're also there?"
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"Dramatic is for the stage." Leina smiles at her, "I don't blame you for using that word - you probably heard it from some guy who got offended that you weren't being stoic about your suffering - but I think it's often misused, you know? Like 'Oh no I expressed my feelings, forever dungeon.'"
It is perhaps hypocrisy, since Leina herself often hides her own suffering when there is someone else who needs care, but...
... but, if she validates it for Yuliana then, what does it say?
Well - Leina never saw a Neo-Zeon aristocrat carry a knife save at the dinner table but - the favored weapon was the gun there.
It let everyone know who was in charge, when a power struggle happened.
When Yuliana scowls at the invocation of the Ra Mari - at Emptear, Leina answers almost casually, conversationally, "But it did? And it scared the hell out of everyone." Is Leina's easy answer, she can't ignore fact for Yuliana's sake.
And she certainly remembers what Dr. Alectros said earlier - because she witnesses it now, Leina tries not to react angrily, merely stating, "I do listen. I also listened to the part where she said she has changed her mind." Leina seagreen eyes look at Yuliana and with simple of matter of factness she states, "That means she can change her mind again. And like I said - there are any number of scientists out there who would try their hardest to duplicate her work. Dr. Devi's work. There are no shortages of Murasames out there that can do things with these machines that noone else has done. Your Elisa - was a scientist, first. As a scientist - she knows more than anyone else that her work - their work, can be duplicated."
It is delivered, with a sense she's had this debate many times, that she's had to reason upon this many times.
"Even if Elisa does not utilize it in worldly matters again - against Earth, it is dangerous merely for what it can inspire in others."
In the end, there is little difference between Emptear and the Banshee - save what it is connected to. It is all about connections.
(It was not an accusation, but certainly Leina cannot sense what she is thinking.)
"I know." She stated, of that Lieutenant Colonel, and doesn't say much else about him. She cannot shed tears or take moral stands on the deaths of such men.
Just like she cannot in Glemy's name.
"It makes sense that you would." She says quietly, "When what the Empress did - what Dr. Devi did caused you to normalize it all. The odds were stacked against you to even - allow yourself to ask for help. Especially in the REA where - you're supposed to be stoic about these things."
Her eyes flick down, "You did say that, but it's like I said - it's a word people, often men, use to keep you from expressing your feelings - your needs."
It does suck to see her sad, she is trying to take care of her own needs by standing her ground, but it is a struggle.
"No, I understand that you don't mean offense. I'm glad you're sleeping and I'm glad it's easier - actually. We've known for a while that - the way you see us, that the Empress - she agitates you when you detect us, that it's difficult in that way. I just - it's something we can work on, bit by bit."
She smiles, as she then slowly stands up and walks into her SILENT CALLING, it's still not pleasant, but it's at least something she can deal with.
Bending over, she leans down and gives her a hug, "Yeah... I'm still here."
<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
"Well of course Letda thinks so," Yuliana says, on the subject of her dramatics, still using that slang for Parminder's rank. Is it concerning that she thinks of him immediately when Leina invokes a shitty dude? Anyway. "But even the doctors say I have a... dramatic personality, or something like that... because I lash out, I suppose, or because I hurt myself. But of course I have to make it obvious what I'm feeling... it's not like you can pry me open and check."
If she could, she might realise that Yuliana heard it as an accusation. But Yuliana's bell jar has always been particularly good at isolating herself.
She frowns when Leina says that Emptear scared everyone, but then Leina goes on to point out that Elisa changed her mind, and -- Yuliana's eyes are endlessly green, and she looks so helpless, hearing her say she could change her mind a second time.
She doesn't want to...
But if Elisa decides it has to be this way, of course she'd attack the Earth for her.
Even though they don't want to be saved, and the hope she's holding is the evil at the bottom of Pandora's canopic jar.
"There's no machine like Emptear," she insists, but quietly.
More quietly, she murmurs, into Plyushokrova's plush fur: "... but it would be bad... if someone made a robot as large as Emptear with normal Psychoframe, I guess. The only reason... the only reason I can handle Emptear is all of Elya's safety features... if it were that large, it would kill someone, I suppose. I suppose they wouldn't care about that..."
Which is... at least partially the point. A little bit. Getting there. An attempt was made.
"One time I got mad at the Major," Yuliana says, still downcast, "for sending me to die. He was so cruel... but in the end, I just said I got it. I said I was out of line... he said I was under a lot of stress. And I said it was nice he could tell... if I started cracking, they'd just send me to Dr. Tian for, for therapy." Not the kind of therapy she's getting here. "So, you know, we never really talked about it..."
She smiles, at least, when Leina recognises why it's so easy to hate them. It's not her fault, of course. She's being agitated. And when Leina approaches, Yuliana doesn't ward her away, even knowing she's going to step into that same isolation zone that's driven her mad.
She puts Plyushokrova to the side, instead, so she can reach up to hug her. She clutches tightly -- but not too tight. She's mindful of her strength.
"Th--thank you," she sniffles, face buried by her shoulder. "I don't know what will happen... I don't know what will happen, but... that you did this for me, it matters, Leyasha. You matter to me..."
Naturally, Yuliana will invite her to watch her outrageously old movie with her. Thankfully, it's subtitled.
These old Soviet movie restorations are... certainly historical curiosities.