2023-11-29: A Song for Hope
- Cast: Alouette Pommier, Kaworu Nagisa
- Where: The Division Train
- Date: U.C. 0097 11 29
- Summary: Alouette overhears Kaworu in the middle of composing a new song, and decides to come over and listen. They talk about music, hope, and the people they wish to see again.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Kaworu Nagisa doesn't need a lot of space, and while he'd be content to stay in Unit Beta's entry plug, the LCL needs to be rationed. Accordingly, his quarters on the Division Train are a postage stamp of a room with nothing more than a cot and, true to Kaworu's priorities, an electric keyboard. And that's fine too--or had been for most of the trip--but when creating, there is a matter of acoustics...
Which is why Kaworu has picked up the keyboard and carried it to one of the larger train cars, clad in his dark plug suit and the white windbreaker that carries his (formerly Shinji's) SDAT, to better let the reverberations resound.
He alternates between the keyboard and a notebook, open and set up on a stand in front of the keyboard. He plays a few notes, marks them down; plays a few notes, marks them down; hums a few notes, writes down a few words. It's a haphazard creative process...
But it is, note by note, word by word, carrying him forward, on the wings of his feelings for--
Who else?
For a moment, Kaworu pauses to consider what he's written down so far, to play it all at once. The melody is gentle, wistful, almost nostalgic... but then, so too are his feelings.
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
The Division Train's journey to Jupiter was simultaneously quiet and filled with heartbreak... yet it's not over just yet. Still, talking to Akane seems to have helped Alouette in its own way, and today, she's found herself spending more time outside her room for non-work related reasons.
She'd only intended to pass by this specific component of the train on her way back, but it means she hears the faint, but nearby tones of Kaworu's electric keyboard. Novice to the world of music that Alouette is, it's hard to get a good impression of what kind of song it is at first, in its earliest stages.
As she gets closer and closer, the emotion behind the song becomes a little clearer... but she waits for him to finish before she approaches.
"A beautiful performance, Kaworu-san," Alouette says first, without wasting any time. "I'm afraid I ended up overhearing." It's almost a little apologetic - because the song felt like something personal... but then again, to perform is to share.
She doesn't make herself fully comfortable by taking a seat unless Kaworu seems fine with it, but she hardly looks to be in a rush.
"...Were you playing a song for him?" She asks, then, finally.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
After all, at this point, it's still in the composition stage. Even Kaworu doesn't fully know what sort of song it will be... even if he has a good idea. It is an expression of his feelings for him, so it will inevitably be beautiful.
Once he completes playing what he has currently written, Alouette approaches and speaks up. Kaworu favors her with a smile; he isn't at all bothered that she overheard. It is personal, but that doesn't mean it must be private.
"Thank you," he replies. "I'm glad you enjoyed what you heard."
He picks up the notebook and considers its contents for a moment; then he writes a couple of lines of poetry. "Not just playing. Composing," he replies softly. There's no question of who she means by him. Either she knows, or she does not. "This trip has been difficult for all of us thus far, so I wanted to craft a song of hope."
Something Ranka Lee might end up singing--though that part he doesn't mention.
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
When Kaworu favours Alouette with a smile, she manages one back. Those haven't been coming quite as easily lately, but music that comes from the heart is something to smile about.
Her eyes draw towards Kaworu's notebook, although she cannot make out any of the words from where she stands. "Composing, huh? It sounds like it would be difficult. To put together such a full melody out of nothing, I mean." She considers. "Nothing except your feelings, that is." Alouette isn't sure whether that makes it easier, or even more difficult.
What Kaworu says next though, also catches her attention. "A song of hope... that's really kind of you." The gentle tone that seems to evoke sweeter memories, she can understand why it might bring people hope. "I hope it will reach who you want it to reach."
"It really hasn't been easy for everyone," she agrees. "But we've been helping each other through it all... and I can only hope it's enough."
She pauses and takes a moment to regard Kaworu... it's always been hard to read his expression. "I want to have hope, but I also don't want to forget everyone we've lost on the way here, either." She adds. "Duma, Asuka, and ChuuRyuu weren't the same in the slightest... but when you have to make a decision like that, it's hard not to notice the patterns. Right?"
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
"It is. To create, rather than recreate... It's not something I'm used to. Having the opportunity to try gives me hope as well," Kaworu replies, his gaze tender on his notebook. "I've been thinking of a variety of melodies and a variety of poems. At some point, it may become a matter of finding the way in which they all fit."
It isn't his first time composing a song, either, though he was telling the truth when he said it's not something he's used to. Music is the crown of Lilim culture, but he isn't often afforded the chance to live as a Lilim.
"I pray so as well. Both those of us who are here, and those of us who remain on Earth," he replies. He jots down another line and considers it; once he deems it good, he sets the notebook back on its stand.
If Alouette approaches a little closer, she'll be able to read it:
Even though I can't meet you now, I'm all right
So even though I can't meet you now
I'd like it if you were all right, too
There's a variety of other musical notations and verses written through the page too. Kaworu's handwriting is neat, but it seems as though he's given free rein to his various ideas; they don't necessarily all flow into one another. He's not afraid to scratch out something and write anew rather than erase, either. It's easy to see his creative process this way, too.
Another stanza earlier up reads:
Sparkling light comes pouring down
This is love, isn't it?
My entire body brims with joy
This too is love, isn't it?
And another, on the other side of the page:
I hear your sound
A living sound, a kind sound
That's why I hear a bittersweet sound
...Different melody lines accompany them on the other side of the page, too. Kaworu gazes upon his work for a moment; then he turns a page, a blank canvas for him to focus on anew.
"I've spoken with Guy Shishioh a little on the matter. I hope I've been able to encourage him," he continues. "But I imagine those matters weigh more heavily on him than I'm able to reassure." There are certain things he can't be open about, after all. He can only assert them as a matter of faith... and for some, that isn't enough.
However... He looks over at Alouette. The way she phrases that... "Does 'hope' to you mean to forget? Does remembering Duma, the Second Child, and ChuuRyuu mean despair to you?"
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
"Create rather than recreate, you say?" She asks, a little curious. It's easy enough to interpret it as a particularly poetic way of talking about covering existing music, perhaps, but something about the way he says it... "I think that might just be a hope we share... this is not something I'm used to, either." A fact she was just discussing with Akane when it came to what she wanted to study in college.
Both here and on Earth... she nods. "I hope Tachi-chan," she stops, quickly correcting herself for Kaworu, with only the slightest embarrassment, "Tachibana-san is doing well. And the rest of the team, too." She doesn't say Shinji's name, but she hopes he's adjusting to his new life, as well. For his own sake, and Kaworu's.
From there, Alouette takes a couple steps closer, once Kaworu seems satisfied enough with the notebook to set it down. She's silent at first, analyzing the lyrics in her own way. Mathematically, it begins to flow, along with the melody lines. But the words are a bit of a different story, and she considers them as well. "I think they fit the melody well. It's a melancholy kind of hope, isn't it?" A hope that can't possibly be fulfilled maybe?
She doesn't really finish that thought as he turns the page. "Mm... I think it's all been really hard on Guy." She nods. She's seen it a lot, throughout all of her conversations with him. "He hasn't really had the chance to stop fighting. Not for long, anyways. But I did promise I would help reunite him with Mikoto. I don't intend on breaking it."
Although it's Kaworu's question that really surprises Alouette. "That's an interesting question... but no, I don't think so." She answers. "There are some things that I can't ever take back... and there's no joy in that. But it's because I remember them that I have to have hope. There would be nothing worse than having to forget all over again." She stares at the blank canvas. "What about you, Kaworu? What does hope mean to you?"
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
"Yes. To give birth to new art, rather than perform that which has already been born," Kaworu clarifies, smiling over at her. It could just be a poetic way of composing vs. covering, but... "You've gained an interest in songs over time as well, haven't you? Have you had the chance to pursue that, Alouette?"
Tachi, or rather, Tachibana. It's a lovely nickname. Mari would be quite supportive, Kaworu's sure. Nicknames are something else he doesn't often use, but... they're not unknown to him, either. He gazes off into the distance, in a direction that might well be Earth. He doesn't mention Shinji's name either, but he hopes so too.
His smile turns a shade melancholy itself at her commentary. Rather than respond, he turns that page, then settles his fingers on the cool white keys. The melody and harmony he plays is a richer version of what he played before; he repeats it a few times, each time varying just a slight bit, before at last he sets down the version he likes best on paper.
"He fights harder than anyone for hope. But he, too, possesses a human heart. I'd like to support him, too." He sets down his pencil and smiles at Alouette. "I'll do what I can to support your promise as well."
He listens to her explanation closely. It makes sense, even as it's a perspective opposite his own. And when she asks the same question in return...
"For me? Hmm... For me, I've never been given the option to forget." Or at least, as far as he remembers, that's true. That's the funny thing about memory. Regardless: "For me, hope is the chance to one day make everything right." He turns his bittersweet smile to his notebook. "If I can make him happy, that's enough."
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
"I'm still kind of a novice," She admits, with a slight laugh. "Structurally, music is a lot like math. It's not hard to understand what makes music 'work'... in theory. But there's something to be said about the heart and creativity that goes into each song, right?"
"But I have been practising, even if it's only with existing songs." She confirms. "One of my favourites is a song called 'Someday in the Sea of Stars'." A beautiful melody for sure, and the lyrics push her forward.
This time, when Kaworu plays, she doesn't offer him any commentary, listening quietly as he continues to refine the melody.
"I think you're probably right," she says about Guy. "His courage might be bottomless. But he's the one who taught me that the true power of bravery doesn't come from fighting alone." And when Kaworu commits his support... "Thank you, Kaworu-san. It'll be nice, to see them together again." She smiles, just slightly. She knows that Mikoto will probably fight fiercely, under the influence of Triple Zero... but she can only hope their wishes overpower it.
She turned Kaworu's question around on him and the answer is... she's not sure what she expected, but it's interesting. "Is that why you seemed to know something about Unit 03 that the other Evangelion pilots didn't...?" She asks - it almost makes sense in a twisted way. And to make everything right... with the state of NERV, she doesn't even need to question that one, even if she doesn't think Kaworu is at fault for it. But he might be referring to something else. "I.. have a feeling you have a long path ahead of you." She says.
Her mind goes back to the tense conversation she had with the pilot of Evangelion Wolfpack - Kaworu's attempted assassin. "Whatever you're trying to do, I think it's putting you in a lot of danger. But when it comes to making him happy... I guess the least I can do is wish you luck."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
"Yes. Many of the pillars of Lilim culture can be broken down mathematically, as you already know," Kaworu replies. "And just as you say, there is more to it than the mathematics. Let me think... If that could be considered the bones of a piece of art, then the individual's touch can be called its soul. It's that individuality that breathes life into art--that expression of our individual experiences, that nonetheless carry the potential to resonate with many more beyond ourselves." He chuckles, faintly. "Perhaps this is the true instrumentality."
Someday in the Sea of Stars... "It's an enchanting title. Will you let me listen to it sometime?" he asks. Either the original, or Alouette's rendition of it--either would please Kaworu.
In the same way, he's happy to let Alouette listen as he plays, even as he goes 'round and 'round again to find the version of his song that satisfies him. He smiles over at her as they exchange their own vows about Guy and Mikoto. Kaworu might not have much to do directly about that--but the support role has always suited him best. As long as he can help Alouette play her own role, he's satisfied.
Her eventual question about Unit-03 doesn't come as any surprise, either. It's not the first time he's been asked about it. He hums a bit at the question... but doesn't actually give her a direct response, only a bittersweet smile.
A long path ahead, and a long path behind.
"I'd be in danger no matter what. This path is what I've chosen to do, and I'll continue to walk it freely," he replies, sounding thoroughly unconcerned about potential threats to his life. The scars on his back, leg, and head remain, but they've long stopped meaningfully slowing him down--as far as he knows. "Still, thank you. I'll continue to do whatever I can."
He considers the pages anew, and picks up his pencil to write another line--notes on the left, words on the right.
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
Alouette nods at Kaworu's explanation. While mathematics form the bones of art, it's the individual who brings it to life. "That's a rather beautiful way of putting it," she says. "I don't know if I'll be able to do something that resonates like that... but it can't hurt to try." Unfortunately, the hidden meaning behind 'instrumentality' is lost to her - but then again, there's few of this universe who would have the necessary context.
"I'd love to," she answers Kaworu about 'Someday in the Sea of Stars'. "I didn't bring an instrument or a music player, though... not unless my own voice counts." But if Kaworu wishes, she will do her best to perform it for him. It's good to practice in front of other people sometimes.
She's content to listen to Kaworu first though, until the conversation moves ahead again. He might not have words about Unit-03... but that bittersweet smile says it all. If anything, she is surprised he isn't more frustrated about it all.
But she can't exactly argue against his free will, even if it puts him in danger. "I understand," she answers. "Well.. not completely. But I was never here for an interrogation." She smiles. Somehow, she feels like she learned more about Kaworu this way, in any case.