2023-05-31: How Many Chances It Takes
- Cast: Alouette Pommier, Puru-1
- Where: Garuda, Alouette's Cell
- Date: U.C. 0097 05 29
- Summary: Alouette begins to overhear the guards speak about the ways in which she's been conditioned. 'Puru-1' offers a brief respite from the despair and loneliness it causes, and Alouette clings to the Leina Ashta she remembers. Regardless, she sees herself as a Vessel for all the stagnation in the Earth Sphere, and finds Alouette's loneliness to be better company to herself.
CW: Gaslighting, implied brainwashing, torture
<Pose Tracker> Puru-1 has posed.
BGM Start - Puella in Somnio - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJ808JR2PNY
She'd shut her eyes for only a moment within her cell.
"-told the Doc got a full copy of 3G's Final Fusion program from her last session." "No shit? Damn, I owe you a drink. Thought it'd take a little longer for her to crack."
Or so she'd thought, Alouette feels drowsy, awakened to the voice of two guards talking not far away.
Time passes, try as she might, her eyes close for just a moment again.
"-things he made that French girl DO man. It was unreal. Just a few words and-"
He gets interrupted by another voice. A separate voice. These are two different guards, another shift? "-You KNOW we're not supposed to talk about what happens in there. Could get punishment detail for it." "Yeah yeah whatever. Still man, wish I had a girl like that back home, where she'd just do ANYTHING you told her."
How much time has passed? How much time? It doesn't feel like she's left her cell, how much time. How much time?
Her eyes close again no matter how hard she tries for them not to and...
Rap, Rap, Rap.
Leina, no, Puru-1 is standing there outside of her cell, holding a tray of food. She's dressed in the Banshee pilot suit but without the helmet, in black, with grey, yellow, and red accents.
"I was..." She clears her throat, the look in her seagreen eyes sorrowful, as if they'd lost further luster, "... asked to bring you your meal."
Dark circles under her eyes, and she looks even thinner than before. She extends a finger from her grip to delicately hit the intercom, and says after a moment, "Puru-1, I have authorization to enter."
It slides open, and she... it takes her a moment, as if she were working up the courage before stepping inside.
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
The last day on the Garuda, when she was talking to Banagher, imploring him not to give up his last piece of leverage, Alouette was awake and hyper-vigilant.
Today it seems, is different... it gets harder and harder to fight off that drowsiness. It's okay to close them for just a few seconds, right?
She jolts up in position when she hears the guards for the first time. A few things immediately click into place here. GaoFighGar already responds to Akan- Aumurei, but she wouldn't be able to take full advantage of its power without Final Fusion. Is that her purpose for being here? Are Vist making the same play as BioNet did six years ago? No, no, no...
The train of thought is temporarily interrupted by a second bout of sleep, temporal senses lost, awoken again in a cycle of horror as she listens to the guards' words. What did she do? What on Earth could've made her fold that fast? Alouette tries to stay awake longer, hear anything else the guards give away, but the sleep comes and it goes.
The next time she wakes up, she hears a familiar voice. First time Puru-1 speaks, there's silence in return, as Alouette tries to re-orient herself. Once she does though, she looks directly into those green eyes, and then down onto the food. "I..." She can't bring herself to trust the meal, regarding it with suspicion after what she heard. "...find I'm not hungry yet." She answers instead. Does Puru-1 even have any idea?
"Please, sit down though. Make yourself comfortable, much as you can in a place like this." To its credit, it's still better than what Banagher got. "I'm sure it's better walking around the ship doing their odd jobs anyways..." She can't even bring herself to smile there. "Honestly looks like you could use a meal way more than I do." She points out, noticing how slim her figure's gotten. Come to think, she tried to hide it with baggy clothes last time they spoke.
<Pose Tracker> Puru-1 has posed.
Puru-1 stands there for a time, watching her. Then her eyes fall as she finds she's not hungry yet. "Alright." She puts the tray down, and turns as if she's going to leave.
Alouette however, invites her to sit down. And she pauses in the motion. There's, an obvious struggle for a few moments, then a soft sigh.
Slowly, she lowers herself down, sliding the tray off to the side. "I'm... allowed, right now, Doctor Murasame gave me a reprieve from my dietary regimen as a reward."
Which answers some questions certainly on why she's lost so much weight, but perhaps not the reasons for it. "But, are you sure?" Her eyes search Alouette's, "Going through one of his... programs, is so much worse if you're not eating right."
She definitely knows what it's like. There's a quiet pause, an uncomfortable shift, despite her obvious hunger, she hasn't made any motions for the tray yet.
"I'm... trying to make a deal with, Mrs. Vist Carbine for you to go free as soon as the box is sealed." She tells her quietly, "Same with... with..." A pause, there's hesitation and, "...Aumerei and Treasure Chest."
Can she not say their real names?
"I didn't intend for any of this to happen to the three of you." She rubs a hand across her face, guilt plain upon her features. Right now she can't look her in the eye.
As if she's ruined Alouette's second chance, personally.
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
"...Thanks." Alouette nods when Puru-1 takes a seat. "Selfish of me to say it, but the absolute last thing I want is to be alone with my thoughts right now." There's a sad smile as she says that.
And a sideways glance as Puru-1 explains she's been rewarded with the privilege of eating. "Is that so?" What a sick, depraved man. "Some reward that is..."
Eyes meeting Puru-1's, Alouette's able to take her concern and warning genuinely. "So it's true. I've been told he's an impatient man who prefers to work fast." She considers, looking back at that food, remembering how hungry she is. "...I'll save it for later. If it's no trouble, ask him if he has any CalorieMarks as an alternative." She crosses her arms. "It'd be easier." Has she really fallen this far so fast?
There's a long silence before Puru-1 brings up how she's trying to make a deal... just like the one she had to try and talk Banagher out of. "...I can't allow that." She tells her the same. "I never doubted that you didn't want this for us. In fact, I'm sure you're expecting to suffer alone."
"But I can't leave without you. You felt so strongly about my second chance... now I owe you yours." She concludes, resolutely.
<Pose Tracker> Puru-1 has posed.
Puru-1 levels her eyes on Alouette for a moment, then tears her eyes away."... I make worse company, but if you're certain."
Worse company than her thoughts? Loneliness is better than her? "I'm not that... hungry either. I've eaten a few good meals but, it's hard to flip a switch."
Still, she picks up some kind of dinner roll from the tray, and takes a bite, then another bite.
"He does work fast, and efficiently. My initial... training, only took three days after I signed on."
Words like 'training' 'signed on' is she really doing this of her own free will? She's mid bite on the dinner roll, when Alouette draws her attention by saying she can't allow that.
It sounds like she's going to respond, but then Alouette brings up her second chance, and something darkens over her expression.
"I had a second chance. I thought, I'd use it to change things. Change the world. Even knowing it was next to impossible. I woke up every morning, having to look in the mirror and force myself to try-"
The dinner roll just, leaves her hand, pap papping back onto the tray, "-I gave up. Gave in. Sold out. A second chance was entirely wasted on me. It's always unfair, who gets them, and who just ends up cremated within their metallic coffins."
Now her eyes raise as she stares at Alouette, with a certain intensity, "So I betrayed them, so the same wouldn't happen to them, so they wouldn't be crushed underfoot, or killed by the cruelty, the apathy of the people who rule the world. And I don't regret THAT at all. My only regrets are that Aumerei, and Treasure Chest, and you got caught up in all of this."
After a moment however, she breaks eye contact, looks down, takes a deep breath, and says more quietly, "Don't worry. It'll all be over soon, and then you'll never have to see me again."
How much of this is her? How much of this is what was done to her? It's so hard to say in this moment.
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
"I am certain." She nods. "I was having a pretty hard time of it before you came in, actually. I couldn't even stay awake even though it's the middle of the day." Talking to Puru-1 has kept her... a lot more alert, she notices. "...What time is it now?"
She picks up a dinner roll, but pauses and puts it down when Puru-1 explains that her initial 'training' only took three days. "I don't even.. remember a second of it but the guards are already saying... I'll do anything for him." She struggles to get those words out. "Even deliver the Final Fusion program directly into his hands. Honestly..." And she does smile when she says that. "I'm hoping I had the foresight to set a trap in there." She managed it with Gimlet back then, but could she under what sounds like already heavy conditioning? She hopes so.
But then Puru-1 explains herself. "You gave up..." She repeats. In a way her words make sense. It is unfair. But it's incongruent with her words from just their last conversation. "Coming from you? The girl who semi-dropped out of school to run a charity organization?" She lets that hang, before adding. "This world still has room for your kindness, for you, Leina." She invokes her name. "It needs it more than anything if it's going to ask you to just sacrifice this much of yourself."
"So, no.. I don't want that! I don't want to never see your face again. We've only been talking about second chances, but sometimes people need a lot more than just two... don't you think?"
<Pose Tracker> Puru-1 has posed.
"Ah I-" Puru-1 blinks, and looks abstracted, "-I don't really know. I, haven't been sleeping well." She murmurs quietly, sounding exhausted, emotionally drained, "Don't have the best, sense of time."
A pause, some visible struggle knits within her brows and then, "Lunch? Maybe?"
There's a shake of her head, and then she stops to listen to her, and a blink of her eyes, "God, did he condition you?" And Puru-1 just looks at her, so aghast, "I hate him - SO, MUCH." And for a moment there's just such, anger.
Before she just deflates, like she doesn't, deserve her anger. Because even if she dislikes the man, she was willing to work with him. She's willing to accept these horrors.
Even this one, for the sake of her objective.
Just more proof of what type of person she is.
"Horrible. I'm sorry."
Alouette points out the incongruency given the type of person she showed herself to be in the past, and Leina seems to think on it, but, "It's... not the same. Running a charity- this." She tells her quietly, "It's different, when the people you love are targets of the people who rule this world."
She says dully, in a defeated tone, "You're a part of 3G, so you're used to hearing things about the oath sworn in courage. But courage will only save a world from ending."
After a moment's pause, she adds, "It won't change it. It won't move the hollow hearts of the people who hold the reins of power." Hands clasping together after a time, she sighs...
... "Sometimes people do." She concedes, "But I don't. By giving in, I acknowledge what I've known ever since I was a child. That I'm just like them, Alouette." Both her hands move up to rub across her face, "I wasn't supposed to get a second chance. I should have died that day. The fact that I didn't-"
There's a prolonged pause, and then mutely...
"-it's like I stole, it, from her."
BBSYS: Post 936, 'Unidentified Machine Report - 05250097' has been published to NERV by Neo Getter Team.
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
"I understand..." Alouette nods, when Puru-1 explains she doesn't have the best sense of time. "It's probably intentional. They don't want us to know how long we've been here, or try to form any sort of plan that relies on it." She considers. "I feel like... I've just been in bed for days." How many has it been at this point?
Leina's anger, justified despite her belief otherwise, leads Alouette to withdraw into herself for a moment. Because hearing it from her makes her realize how terrible this is. "I just don't understand how. Not even BioNet had the tech to work that fast in their prime!" Wait... that's only half true. "No. Alexis Kerib, and CK-12." She amends, hushed. It might also explain her fitful sleep, even if didn't come with an extensive dream sequence as it did before. "I've fought its influence before, but... if it's Alexis, he's likely using it very differently." Did Alexis help with Leina's conditioning as Puru-1 as well?
"They're monstrous," she agrees. Both Dr. Murasame, and she's lumping Alexis in there too even if it turns out he wasn't involved.
Leina's words here even remind her of her own after Bujack made her give up, it's almost uncanny. But she considers them all the same, just as Guy had heard her out all those times, before speaking again. "If courage won't move their hearts.. it just means people like that never deserved to rule in the first place. And if they won't change, then it's their time to be swept aside."
"You're nothing like them Leina. You're not a Lady of Neo Zeon, and submitting yourself to Vist suits you just as little." She continues to remember the Leina she knows, and holds those memories tight. She even remembers the less pretty ones... the scar she got protecting her brother she saw.
But when Leina says she didn't deserve her second chance, that she deserved to die... they had a good cry together last time, but the tears can't even seem to come out this time. Not while they aren't on the same page. "Oh Leina..."
"I don't think even the most selfish possessive side of her would've wanted this."
<Pose Tracker> Puru-1 has posed.
"That's likely for- what they're doing with you. For me it's-" A hand rubs the side of her face tiredly, "-I just don't, care what day it is anymore."
It just feels like she blew up her whole life. That her life is over. That she's just going through the motions until the actual ending at this point.
Alouette's response to the anger, withdrawing into herself, for a time, Leina looks just as angry as before, but it becomes something distant, abstracted, then- "I."
There's suddenly this lost expression, like she's trying to work through whether a memory she has is real or not, or more a dream.
"I think... no... I'm... I'm sure I helped them condition Treasure Chest." Her expression falls into something desolate, "Using, the Banshee's Psycoframe. I. I did that." She looks down at her hands, and whispers, "I did that. It- I don't think it took long I- and then Aumerei- she- she!"
She half hitches into a sob, covering her face with her hands, "Monstrous. I'm..." For a time, she's just, too upset and overwhelmed, to speak, like she's just trying to keep herself from breaking down fully.
But she listens to her. She listens.
She just can't, believe. She's been exposed to so much of it directly from the time when she was a child. She forces herself to compose herself further, she hates, crying in front of other people. And she doesn't want Alouette to pity her, not right now.
"Swuh-Swept aside? They are, constantly. And then they're replaced - by s-someone worse. Haman killed so many people, and do you know what the Federation officials said in private?"
She peels her hands off her face, "'Good'! Fewer mouths to feed. Then Haman killed those high officials, and their spoiled children took their place, using it as an excuse to crack down on Spacenoids. My brother defeated Haman, and Char took her place - and dropped Axis on the world. Char vanished, and now Monaghan Bakharov does the same thing Murasame does, to replace him with Full Frontal?" A shake of her head, "The system is self-sustaining, it's a perpetual motion machine."
It's difficult to believe that she's not like them in this moment. However, then she invokes her, the most selfish possessive side of her, "N-No?" There's this broken laugh, "She- she always thought it was unfair that she had to be the weapon while I-"
Her eyes glimmer with droplets of water that, are being held just at bay as she looks at her, "The way she seizes hold of me, every time I'm in that cockpit... I'm sure, she thinks its karma. Divine justice."
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
"Oh..." She frowns as Leina explains she doesn't even care what time it is, what day it is. She withdraws further, until...
Leina remembers something she did as Puru-1, and her head lifts back up, as she stares in silence for a few moments. "I'm not Treasure Chest or Rikka Takarada, so I can't be the one to forgive you or condemn you," she starts. "But if you want my honest opinion, it just makes me despise Dr. Murasame, roping you into that. Ugh.." She tries not to think hard about whether she'd be able to forgive herself if Murasame uses his capacity to make her do that next... she doesn't think she could. So she understands Leina, just a little.
Next, she listens to Leina speak about Haman Karn, how the Federation didn't even care, how her death just led to Char, and Full Frontal. "And I don't think you should bear the full brunt of punishment for all of these horrible acts." She almost snaps back. "Even if you gave up... I don't know how long I have, but I'll prove you wrong every time as long as I can."
"That isn't the story you told me last time..." Alouette counterpoints about Elpeo. "You said it wasn't nothing, the time she had with your brother and the Argama crew. That her spirit even visited you." The way Leina changes up the story... it feels suspicious.
She looks back at the plate, the reason Leina came here. "My words.. probably aren't effective. But please, Leina, at least let me believe in you. I don't even know if I can believe in myself anymore." She concludes, looking away from it.
<Pose Tracker> Puru-1 has posed.
Alouette tells her she's not Treasure Chest or Rikka Takarada, and Leina gives a soft shake of her head, "I... wouldn't deserve it anyway." Then she starts murmuring, to herself, as if...
"I must have agreed... I must have."
... as if she were trying to convince herself, "Needed new personnel, more personnel to capture... capture Banagher and Mineva."
And it feels like she eventually arrived at the conclusion as to why she agreed, to why she's complicit. As to why she's just as bad as the others.
The subtle sharpness in Alouette's tone causes her to flinch, "Punishment? I- I don't, blame myself for that- I just-"
She looks down at the floor of the cell, "What hope is there for better?"
Alouette points out the incongruency of the story, and Leina looks up, there's a struggle on her face, "... Her spirit did-! She did until, she didn't- and then she was in there. I don't know- I don't know how!" She rubs a hand across her face, sounding, a little panicked, "They won't tell me how-!"
Small wonder, she investigated HERSELF so hard, looking for answers. Obsessed with trying to figure out how they did it, but without compromising the deal they did.
In the end, she asks her to let her believe in her, because she doesn't know if she can herself. And Leina gives her a dull look of incomprehension.
"Believe in me? What's there to believe in...?"
Slowly she rises, to the front of the cell, and as she gets there, it slides open automatically, evidence that they were being watched all along. Her posture just droops.
"I was trying so hard, to keep her from killing anyone, but Doctor Murasame told me that Callisto Diana's Qubeley was... there's nothing left of it once we were finished out there." Fingers holding onto the bars she looks over her shoulder, "Callisto Diana, Puru Two, killed her, in Dublin. Eight years ago. She always told me she wanted her - she wanted her to be happy. Which makes me wonder..."
Silence, the despair just hangs so heavy, "... if I just resented her that much all along."
Fingers slide off the frame, she steps outside the cell, and says, hushed, "Don't waste your belief on a murderer like me."
Her footsteps take her away from the cell in short order.
Leaving Alouette all alone. She had indicated earlier she thought her thoughts, the loneliness, were better company than her.
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
Leina denies it's a punishment, but to Alouette, who was taught early on by Guy that no one can carry the entire weight of a world, being forced to carry a stagnant, unchanging world feels like exactly that.
Convinced she's the murderer of Callisto Diana and complicit in conditioning Rikka, Leina leaves the room thinking she's no one worth believing in. And as much as Alouette's desperate to call out to her to stay, she can't.
In fact, there's not much she can do except squish her face into the tiny prison pillow, and just... take in everything she just heard.
As Leina was wrong, for a girl who fundamentally hates loneliness, her company's still better.