2023-06-01: Every Wicked Thing
- Cast: Leina Ashta, Banagher Links
- Where: The Garuda
- Date: U.C. 0097 06 01
- Summary: Leina Ashta, aka Puru-1 visits Banagher Links in his cell on the Vist Foundation's Garuda of her own free will...
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Within a darkened room within the Garuda, Leina Ashta, or perhaps Puru-1, laid on her side in bed. Her eyes open, red, and puffy as she lay under the covers with wadded tissues around her, staring into nothingness. She wasn’t sleeping, even though she’d been given permission to sleep outside of her usual regimen.
It was difficult to sleep enough with the sounds of the Garuda in motion, and it was always in motion. Even moreso with the guilt of the things she’s done.
A knock at her door. The knock tells her everything she needs to know on who it is. Noone else knocks.
“Go away. I don’t want to see you right now.”
“Puru-1. I’m coming in.” Came the voice of Alberto Vist, as the door slid open anyway. She didn’t even bother sitting up at his entrance.
“Go. Away.” She told him again, sharply. And for once, he didn’t back down, “Doctor Murasame has offered you a break from your regimen and testing schedule as a reward for your efforts in capturing the Key and the Princess.” The stout man was bearing a bag of something, of Wonder Company Burgers. He must have had it flown in special. Somehow, it’s still warm, maybe it was kept in a warmer on the way. “You should eat something.”
“Don’t call him that!” She snapped at him, before taking on a more sulky tone, “I don’t want a reward for what I did.” At that moment, she pulls the covers over her head, “Just, LEAVE!”
Alberto stood at a loss, then his shoulders heave up, and there’s a sigh, before…
“You should go see him.”
“Why?” She replied, muffled under the covers, “In what world would he want to see ME? Right now, after what I did?”
“This and every other world.” Alberto replies after only a moment’s hesitation, “He’s just a boy, and he’s smitten.”
“Then he’s stupid.” She mutters, petulantly, “I betrayed him, sold him out to all of you. He deserves better than me, far better. I’m /poison/.”
Alberto stood in silence, burger bag still in hand for a while, then, after gathering up his resolve “Puru-1, who is your master?”
Under the covers, Leina became stock still, “You are, Alberto Vist.”
“Go see him, spend some time with him, eat a burger-” Then quieter, “-and get some real sleep, I’ll take care of authorization.”
He puts the bag down, and then quietly leaves the room. For a while he stands at the door, staring at one of his hands, before he says, “It’ll all be over soon.” He reassures himself. He needs reassurance after the things he’s done, the things he’s been a part of.
<Pose Tracker> Banagher Links has posed.
After his initial immediate surrender, Banagher Links grew... Defiant. It's taken half a dozen guards and a few tazings to get him into a cell. Once he got enough of his senses back to realize Audrey and Leina weren't with him, the young pilot of the Unicorn reacted with fury and violence.
How can he be sure Leina is still alive? Their bond is faint enough that it offers no information. What if they're torturing her right now? Every one of his thoughts is worse than the last, and his escape attempts only get more frantic.
Blood smeared across his face from injuries in the fight has been joined by broken nails and bleeding fingertips. He's tried to destroy everything inside the cell, walls included.
"I WANT TO SEE LEINA!"
He hasn't stopped screaming.
"WHERE IS AUDREY!"
Banagher rams into the door of his cell. He knows its pointless. He can see the strength of the materials and construction, but rationality has fled in the face of horror and grief.
"LET!"
/BANG/
"ME!"
/BANG/
"OUT!"
/BANG/
...that last one hurt.
Banagher collapses down into a seated position, his chest heaving with exertion. He's not giving up. He just needs a second to breathe.
"I know you're listening." Banagher grits out. He can't /see/ any cameras, but they must exist. "And I won't tell you ANYTHING until I know Audrey and Leina are safe. Until they're both home and safe!"
A swallowed, gasped breath. Don't panic. This isn't over yet. Martha and Alberto have no way of getting the Box without him, and Banagher can use that as a bargaining tool.
His breaths come faster.
Don't panic.
Banagher gets to his feet before he's ready, propelled by desperate, useless energy. Stepping back, he throws his shoulder into the cell door once again.
"LEINA!"
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Defiance does little good in the face of a solid steel brig door. The guards have been mostly ignoring Banagher's tantrums, standing far away from the cells, at times some of them laughing. At other times shouting 'Shut up.' or the like.
They lost people during this last combat mission, it's understandable they wouldn't be sympathetic to him right now. The mood is a contrast between celebratory and in mourning in the security forces involved.
As Banagher slams his shoulder against the brig door again.
"Stop. Stop hurting yourself /right now/!" Comes a sharp rebuke in Leina's voice. Turn his head, and he'll see her. She looks tired, upset, and sad all at once. Her hair is unkempt still from the combat mission, sweat matted, and her eyes have bags under them from lack of sleep. Right now she's wearing mostly a tank top with sports bra, and a pair of workout shorts. Likely it's what she had on under the pilot suit.
Absurdly, she's holding a bag of Wonderland Company Burgers in her hand. "And stop /screaming/. You'll shout yourself hoarse." She takes a deep breath, as if she were steeling herself, then more quietly, "Just. Step away from the door for a moment, and I'll come in - Okay?"
She waits for him to comply, then hits a comm near the cell, "Puru-1. I have authorization to enter." She waits a moment, and the cell doors slide open, and then she steps inside, as they immediately slide shut.
Settling down on a bench, she opens the bag, and pulls out a burger, handing him his first. "You have to be hungry, eat something." She then takes out her own, and unwraps it, staring at the burger rather than him. She doesn't know how ALBERTO of all people convinced her to do this.
She's quiet though, she takes a bite of her burger, then chew, chew, swallow. There's a prolonged sigh, then, "I really don't know what to say that I haven't already." She says quietly, as if the weight of her own betrayal was just too massive - greater than earth's gravity.
There's nothing she feels she can say that can make it better.
"But I'm here."
She has no idea how wrong she is, because perhaps those three words alone are enough.
<Pose Tracker> Banagher Links has posed.
Just as the guards have been mostly ignoring Banagher, he's been mostly ignoring them, aside from a few demands to bring him to see Alberto.
It seems nothing will stop the young pilot's rampage, until Leina's voice rings out down the corridor. Banagher freezes in place, his mouth forming the first syllable of her name, though no sound escapes.
At her command, Banagher steps back, his golden eyes huge. It's as though she's a skittish animal he doesn't want to startle -- he moves back and goes perfectly still there. No desperate escape attempt now -- Banagher is terrified it'd lead to Leina getting punished in his place.
Banagher takes the burger. He stares at it, then back up to Leina. He /is/ hungry, and thirsty, but--
It falls from his hand. With a sob, Banagher falls to his knees in front of her, wrapping his arms around her legs and pressing his face into her knees. Despite quiet sobbing, he seems unable to manage any sound.
Long moments pass.
"L--Leina..." Banagher croaks out at last. "I'm -- I'm so sorry, this is all my fault."
Why didn't Vist tell him they had her, months ago? Why did they try this ridiculous Banshee plot? Banagher would've surrendered in an instant, knowing Leina was in danger.
"O--oh god, oh god." He can't bear to look up at her face. Grief is powerful, nearly physically present in the room with them. "Y--you don't have to say anything. I'm so glad you're here. Just seeing you're alive--!"
Tears break through Banagher's words, rendering him silent again.
"Leina." A gasped breath. "I'm going to get you home safe, alright? I promise. I d--don't care about the Box. I'll do whatever I have to so that you can Audrey can go back home. Please, hold on just a little while longer. It's going to be okay, I /promise/."
He still can't bring himself to raise his head.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"No." She tells him quietly, when he declares its his fault. His internal questions have easy answers, but none of them are asked, and so they go unspoken. "You have nothing to apologize for. This was my decision, Banagher."
He tells her she doesn't have to say anything, and slowly Leina reaches down and picks up his burger, setting it on top of hers, she sets both aside for now.
She then moves over to the side of him, hesitant for a moment, but then eventually she puts an arm around him, and draws his head down to her shoulder in a hug. There's an internal struggle over this, she doesn't deserve to comfort him after what she did.
Right now though, she's all that he has in here. The Unicorn is in a hangar, and Audrey is in a VIP room on the upper levels.
One arm around him, another stroking his hair, she just listens, keeping his head drawn against her shoulder. "You're right. It's going to be okay... but I'm not going home, Banagher." As she holds him, she strokes a hand through his hair, "Once this is over and the box is sealed, I'm leaving. You'll never have to see me again." She tells him softly, "You can live your life, without the shadow of some cruel family curse looming over you. Without being a fugitive."
She lays her chin down against his hair, trying her best to hold back her tears, "Just like I wanted. That's why I agreed to this in the first place. I didn't want you to end up like Judau, or..." She inhales through her nose, as if holding back a sob at the thought of the alternative 'dead', "... Audrey to become just a miserable puppet, a doll in the hands of Zeon Warhawks."
She takes a moment to recompose, her hand sliding to his back, to rub in a circular motion, with an even, smooth rhythm. "It may not feel this way right now, but this is kinder. Kinder to you. Kinder to her. So don't worry, just let me take care of everything."
Holding him close, half burying her face in his hair, it's hard to know when the tears start and end.
"It will all be over soon."
<Pose Tracker> Banagher Links has posed.
Hearing Leina reaffirm that this was her decision sends a full-body tremor through Banagher, revulsion and horror nearly making him retch. What have they done to her? How can his own fam-- how can anyone be so cruel as to torture someone into believing they're a willing participant in their own destruction?
But her arms fall around him, and despite himself, Banagher is comforted. A wave of familiar warmth accompanies her touch. As if granted permission by Leina reaching out, he tightens his hold around her, burying his face as deeply into her skin as he can. Each gentle stroke to his hair leaves sunlit afterimages in his mind. Happier times -- times Banagher didn't value enough, as they were happening.
In contrast to the love and strength Banagher draws from Leina's touch, her words pierce his heart. Fresh tears dampen her shoulder.
"N--no, no... That's not what I want! I -- That's not what /anyone/ wants, Leina!"
Think.
If they've convinced Leina this is her fault, what else have they convinced her of? Her final words to Judau and Sayla -- if whatever sick brainwashing Vist has put her through has destroyed even her faith in her family, there's no way he can counter it by crying and begging.
Banagher takes a breath. It's meant to be calming, but it comes out as something gasped and desperate. He can feel just how hard Leina is struggling against her own tears.
Leina shouldn't have to be the one being strong right now.
"Thank you." He murmurs, though it rends his heart to even come close to seeming like he accepts what's been done to her. "You love me so much. More than I ever knew, and more than I feel like I deserve. I -- really want to talk about the details of all of this, okay? I want to work out exactly w--what's going to happen, and how to make things the best they can be. For all of us."
With careful movements, Banagher raises his head from Leina's shoulder.
"I want to work it out with you, before I talk to Martha or Alberto. Is that okay?" Golden eyes meet hers -- still filled with tears, but glimmering with determination. "But for right now, I really want to take care of you. E--even if this is w--wuh." He breaks on a sob, taking a second to get himself together. "What you chose, it's been hard and scary, right?"
Banagher tries so, so hard to smile. It's a wobbly, fragile thing.
"So I'd really like to try and make things feel better. Even if it's just for a few minutes. Is that okay?"
He looks to the stacked burgers. They won't taste good if they get cold.
"Maybe we can eat, first." Banagher looks back up to Leina. "You've been so kind to us for so long. I really, really want to be kind to you, now, love. More than anything."
If they've changed Leina so much that she's going to run from him, from everyone, once the Box is found and sealed... Golden eyes squeeze closed. If this is the last chance he has, then Banagher is going to make sure he gives Leina all the love and care she deserves.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"I-" Leina starts, then stops when he says that's not anything anyone wants. Then part of her just sinks, perhaps remembering Rita, "I don't understand why not." She tells him quietly, "I just can't."
She doesn't reject this per se, this idea, but her mind just can't wrap its head around it. The idea that anyone would love her, despite who she is, despite what she's done. That anyone would want her company.
Still, she rubs his back in that same circular motion, letting him cry. She supposes that right now, that if she's all that Banagher has for comfort, then perhaps that's why he's fine with her being here right now. Once he's reunited with Audrey or his other friends...
... but for now it will have to do.
What he says next though, stuns her, as he calms down, as he starts to speak about to her, thanking her, talking about the deals he's going to make...
"You're /thanking/ me?" She finally utters, and her shoulders lift, her form quivering, as it takes a few moments for her to recompose herself, "It's no... please don't thank me. Not after what I did. I took away your... your choice. Doing that to someone you love isn't..." Her volume just subtly increases, "... isn't /right/!"
Putting a hand against her face. Her whole form just, shakes and trembles, "Who cares if it was scary or difficult! It was wrong! I just- just wanted to keep you safe, before... before-!"
There's the hitch of a sob, but she doesn't, doesn't quite break down. Not quite. She forces herself to take a breath, then another under the gaze of his golden eyes.
After a moment of silence, she just nods, then nods again more emphatically.
"Okay. I... ahhh... okay."
It's difficult, for her to allow care in this state, but ultimately, she allows it. Perhaps it's part appeal from him, perhaps it's part command that Alberto gave her without her realizing but she draws the back of her hand across her face once, and...
... picks up her burger, and takes a bite, chew, swallow.
"After what I did to you, I can... I can give you that much."
<Pose Tracker> Banagher Links has posed.
"I'm having a hard time understanding, too." Banagher keeps his voice carefully even. "But... it's okay not to understand right now. If this is all we'll have together, let's --" Gasp. Gasp. "Let's make it a happy memory."
Leina's circular back rubs feel so soothing, enough to calm his breathing down. She can feel some of the tension in his shoulders ebb away, his body so used to associating her touch with safety and love. It's something he feels guilty for, in this moment.
"Not for what you did!" Banagher replies, desperately, as Leina grows distressed. "I'm really -- upset about what happened, all of it, just --!"
Words are chosen with extreme care.
"I know you did it to try and save me, because you love me." Golden eyes blink rapidly. "I -- don't think it's /right/ either. But you didn't want to hurt me. A--and, now."
Leina shakes. Banagher reaches up and pulls her to him, this time, holding her tight to his chest. He still smells like sweat and blood, untended from the battle at Dakar. Slowly, he rocks them both back and forth, pressing little kisses to Leina's hair.
"Now I just want to love you. For however long I have." Banagher doesn't try to hold her back when she pulls away to meet his gaze. "I'll have plenty of time to feel differently later."
Blessedly, Leina agrees, and he leans in to kiss her forehead.
"Thank you so much, love. This means everything to me."
Settling next to her on the bench, Banagher takes a bite of his burger as well. The greasy, cheap food brings with it a nostalgic sense of familiarity and safety -- a false, desperate attempt by his memory at comfort, he knows.
It's going to be fine. Banagher tells himself. He'll give the Box to the Vists, and even if Leina tries to run off, Judau and Sayla won't let her be alone. No matter what Vist wants from Banagher in the end, he'll do it. He'll sign away his life if he has to, go to jail for terrorism, anything. As long as Audrey and Leina get to go free.
Judau, Sayla, Zinnerman, Eight... Banagher closes his eyes briefly. All he has left is his faith in them. They'll make sure his girls get out of this.
"Thank you." Another wobbly, half-managed smile. "Thank you so much, love. I promise, this is the last time I'll be selfish. But even with that -- it's okay to say no to me, alright? That's always allowed."
After his first few bites of the burger, it's as though Banagher's body remembers how long its been since he ate. He devours the rest of the thing, searching through the bag for napkins to try and tidy himself up a bit. Dried blood from his nose is cleaned off, sweat on the back of his neck... It doesn't do much to make him look more presentable, but it's something.
Accusations and information gathering can wait. Now is all about caring for Leina. "One second."
Banagher walks to his cell door, knocking on it. "Hey, excuse me? Could I get some water and clean washcloths, please?" He waits, internally seething at having to ask his captors for help. "And a comb or a brush? You can punch me or something if you want, as a trade. I won't fight back or try to escape, I swear."
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"Happy." Leina echoes, as if in disbelief, "God Banagher..." A shake of her head, but she, at least doesn't reject it, it just feels like once again, she doesn't understand.
How can either of them make happy memories right now, as things are?
Still he clarifies, and she listens, telling her at least he doesn't think it's right. That at least earns this, sigh of not quite relief, but perhaps she at least understands better.
"... The way I show my love for you, is wrong. I'm not a good person, Banagher, I never have been." He's of course caught a glimpse of how she thinks this way before, but there it was an underlying thing, a subtle deep seated belief, it was never this far on the surface. It was never so much, so overwhelming.
"You're wrong, I- I fully intended to hurt you." She tells him after a moment, "Just, just, I thought it would be less hurt, this way. Then seeing this through to the end."
Still, Banagher pulls her to him, and she stiffens for a moment, before, before relaxing just subtly. She's so light right now. Much lighter than back when he carried her at the pool for her physical therapy.
"Okay... you're too kind to me for your own good..." She says quietly as he rocks her back and forth, as he presses kisses to her hair, she nestles up against him, "... I'm poison, Banagher."
Still, as poisonous as she thinks she is, she doesn't shove him away at this moment. It takes her a while to remember she's supposed to be eating a burger, but Alberto's command settles back into her, and she lifts it back up, turning her head to the side enough to take another bite.
He offers that she can say no, "I-" Why isn't she pushing him away? Every instinct tells her she ought to, and yet she doesn't. Eventually she just nods helplessly without offering an explanation.
When he asks for one second, Leina slides off his lap, continuing to eat the burger in silence. Her expression is just, desolate in these long moments.
The Guards don't ignore this time, perhaps because Puru-1 is inside. "Yeah? What, you think we're your servants?" However, the guard puts a hand up to his ear, to an earpiece, and then grumbles, "Sure whatever, I'll be back with something."
As he walks away, he mutters the words, "Guardian fucking Angel or something." Apparently SOMEONE was watching, as someone always is, and SOMEONE approved it, but there's no sign of whom it was.
Leina eats her burger in silence, until eventually the cell door slides open, a basin of water is put down with a pile of clothes, and a plastic hairbrush.
"Got an hour. We'll be inventorying it all once it's done, so don't even think of sneaking shit for some half baked escape plan, okay kid?"
The door slides shut and they're left alone. Or at least, as alone as they can be allowed right now.
<Pose Tracker> Banagher Links has posed.
"I'm saying everything all wrong, sorry..." Banagher's voice cracks, and he clears his throat. "I'm really messed up, but I promise I'm being honest with you. I know things are --"
He glances around the cell.
"...really bad. But I just don't want to make them worse."
Banagher has never been good with words or expressing himself. He feels that lack of skill now more than ever, as he tries to find the words to reach Leina through her conditioning. As she goes on, saying how she's a bad person, his shoulders begin to tremble.
"I -- I think I understand. You didn't want me to wind up like Judau."
Rage blooms in his heart at a memory so personal and painful to Leina being used to destroy her -- and Banagher -- in this way. He pushes it away. Now's not the time. Now is about Leina. Once she's safe, he can feel whatever he has to.
"It's better to hurt someone in order to save them. It's logical." At least she lets him hold her. At least she still relaxes into his touch. Even though she's so thin, now, at least she still /trusts/ him that much. "You're not poison. Never. Especially not to me."
Banagher's arms encircle Leina, his heart radiating devotion and love.
"If that was true, you would've been happy watching me destroy myself. Maybe you're the antidote to my own stupidity." He's trying for levity. "Antidotes aren't always gentle, right?"
It feels so good to hold Leina, and it feels good to see her actually eat a reasonable portion. So much makes sense now -- her earlier refusal to eat must've been part of her torture here. Maybe he can negotiate for Leina to be able to eat enough...
How much power does he have, really, as the Key? How far can he press the Vists?
Banagher gives Leina another quick forehead kiss before he steps to the door. He doesn't rise to the guard's taunt -- even though, really, prisoners are legally required to be given basic necessities. Not that Vist would care about the law at this point.
Somehow, his request is granted. Banagher looks shocked, and lets out a shaky little laugh of thankfulness. He didn't miss the way the guard was ready to deny him until something came in on his earpiece.
"Thank you." He murmurs, hoping whatever hidden camera in his cell will pick it up.
Banagher steps away from the door as it slides open, the very picture of compliance. "Thanks. It'll be here just how you left it."
Mentally, he counts to three once the door closes, then steps forward and picks up the offered items. The clothes are gathered in his arms, the brush on top, and the basin balanced carefully in Banagher's free hand.
"Alright." Banagher returns to Leina, a gentle smile on his face. "I was thinking I could help you clean up a little, and then if you'd like, maybe we could cuddle? Only if you want to."
Banagher sits on the bench again, close to Leina, placing the clothes down. He starts with a cloth, dipping it gently in the water and wringing it out, and holding it up to her face. He won't make a move without permission.
"It looks like they gave me some clothes, too. Are you cold, love?" Banagher's voice is soft. "It must be a little chilly to walk around a metal ship like this in that outfit."
If Leina allows him to, he'll gently wash her face, then down her neck and shoulders, rinsing out the cloth every so often to keep it clean.
He sighs softly. "I wish they'd give me my hoodie. I /know/ they went through my stuff in the Unicorn." A pause, and he looks down. "I'm sorry. I know I said I wouldn't ask for anything else, but I thought of one last thing."
"Will you take care of Haro for me? In case Vist wants to keep me around. I don't want him to be stuck in a place like this, and I know you'd love him like I would." Banagher smiles, stronger this time. "And you've heard me talk about his enrichment programs enough. It'd make me happy, knowing you two were watching out for each other."
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
As Banagher tells her that he's just saying everything wrong, she sighs, and doesn't quite smile. "I don't think there's... a right thing to say, during moments like these." She does give him a long look, then pinches her eyes shut, and nods, "Okay. I don't want things to be any worse for you either."
Her eyes blink open, and she looks away, but after a moment, she nods slowly, not quite meeting his eyes. "That's... that's it, yeah." The spike of rage causes her to look back in alarm, but, he suppresses it.
His words, though about her not being poison, set a small tremble throughout her body, as she clasps her hands over her burger, "I was afraid you'd say that." She doesn't elaborate, even as the tremble carries through his arms as he embraces her. The feeling of devotion, love, causes her walls to slip, radiating just the sheer despair, and desolation she feels right now.
"I... no, I'm not happy about hurting you." She supposes, as if something he said gets through to her, enough that the feeling from her recedes just subtly. Just enough. She still has to take a deep breath. But then she lifts her burger, and takes another bite while he just holds her.
As he moves to the door, she just keeps eating in sullen silence. The door slides open and there's tension from her, as if she's worried about what could happen, even if he's in compliance. However nothing happens and that tension just recedes.
"I mean I… sure. If you’re sure” On cuddling, “And only a little..." On being cold, "It's not bad, I have clothes back, back in my quarters. I just-" Why didn't she change, prepare, make herself more presentable? "-I just felt compelled to come see you, I guess."
Setting the remains of the burger aside, she does let him, "You really don't have to, I can do it-" But she doesn't, protest either, she's not particularly in the mood to expend the energy on her own care. In the end she lets him dab water across her face. It feels good.
"What? Haro?" She gives him a surprised look, then shakes her head, "No no- it's not going to be like that. They're not keeping you around." Leina says with a sort of frantic certainty, "Once the box is sealed, they intend to let you go. That's the deal I made with them. I think Mrs. Vist Carbine said you'd have to sign something disinheriting yourself?"
A thoughtful look, as she looks down, "If anyone should sit your Haro anyway, it ought to be Chris."
She’s still thinking of leaving forever once this is all over, it’s written so clearly on her face.
<Pose Tracker> Banagher Links has posed.
Any worse for /you/, Leina says, as if she can't fathom wanting things to be less bad for herself. A fresh wave of grief prickles at his eyes. Again, he tries to push it away -- but it gets a little harder each time. Grief, rage... for a young man so used to expressing his passions, it's difficult to maintain his calm.
But this is for Leina. He'll do whatever he has to.
In the end, it's Leina's feelings that make Banagher's control slip. At the echo of her despair through their bond, he bites his lip hard enough that it bleeds to keep himself from crying out. A few tears escape, again, and he quickly hides his face in Leina's hair.
Banagher can sense the horror ease from around her, just a bit, and it's enough to grant him a second wind. By the time he's returned from the door, his hands have stopped trembling.
"I'd really like it," he replies, in that sweet, hopeful tone that must be so familiar. Always eager for her attention and touch, but never wanting to ask for too much. "And I'm glad you came here so soon, really. I was losing my mind worrying. I just want to take care of you, love."
The washcloth could be warmer, but Banagher is gentle and thorough. Grime from the battle is cleaned away. Once he's satisfied, he works up another tiny smile, and presses a kiss to her lips.
"You're as beautiful as ever." He picks up the bundle of clothing and offers them to Leina, brushing his hand across the provided shirt and pants, as if he could make them more comfortable just by willing it. "Here. I'll try and make myself a little more decent."
With half the care he provided to Leina, Banagher scrubs at his own skin, subtly taking the time to wipe away fresh tears. Folding the cloth and placing the basin on top of it, Banagher returns both to their place in front of the door. All that remains is the hairbrush.
"Can I brush your hair too? It's okay either way." He almost manages a laugh, looking cross-eyed up at his own limp brown locks. "Or maybe you could brush mine. Or both."
How much time do they have? Banagher's heart thuds in his chest. When will they take her away? There's no clock in his cell.
"I don't exactly trust Martha or Alberto after this." Banagher almost keeps the hatred out of his voice. "I don't care about disinheriting myself. Not like the Vist name ever did me any good. But -- just in case."
A breath. If Leina has to return for his Haro, it'll give her family time to find her and bring her home. Banagher has faith in Judau and Sayla. All they need is a chance.
"I know Chris would do a great job. So would Lavhi, or Zinnerman, or Takuya. But I'd like Haro to go with you, if I can't--" A pause. "take care of him, for some reason. It's a backup plan."
Banagher knows he can't just beg her to stay. Vist has had too long to twist Leina's mind against him and everyone she loves. All he can do is try to express enough love it reaches her through their conditioning and torture.
Whatever the decision with the hairbrush, once they’re finished, he returns it to sit next to the basin of water on the floor. Banagher squeezes Leina's hand tightly. "Want to lay down and cuddle for a little while now?" Golden eyes are soft and accepting. "Only if you want to. Otherwise, you can lay down, and we can keep talking. You need the rest, love."
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"I-" Why did she come see him? She was so certain she shouldn't. That she should stay away from him. The incongruency in her own thoughts bothers her, but in the end she supposes that she's just...
... selfish.
If she's a selfish girl, and he's allowing her to be, then perhaps, indulging some isn't so bad.
"-I don't know why I did but... I don't mind, letting you, some." She looks away, her expression conflicted. But in the end, she lets him. It feels, better at least, to have her face cleaned up.
"Ha- I look like hell and you know it." She tells him, and here in this moment at least, there's a thin smile. Just, a touch of one, "You and your flattery." Still, as she takes the offered clothes, she, changes into it too, peeling off the pants, and tank top, and sports bra and putting them down in a pile. Just, dressing in the loose clothes, like some strange pajama party between them.
She turns and looks at him as he finishes cleaning up. "Um. Sure." She tells him hesitantly, "Won't take long, it's real short." Almost like it's, a small joke there, but she shifts in her seat, to give him access to trying.
He does ask though, and...
"God, please don't talk like that. Like you, you won't be there to... to take care of him." She pleads, "He deserves to be with you. I-" She pinches her nose, and prevents herself from saying anything for a moment, then, "-I don't feel like, it's a good idea, to make me your back up plan?" Is what she eventually eases off and decides upon.
In the end though, she nods, and lays down, facing away from him, giving her back to him. Like she feels too guilty to be, face to face with him. "I, sure. I was, told to get some sleep but... honestly I have a hard time, sleeping. I keep hearing the alarms to wake up..." And the nightmares, "... so we can talk for a bit..."
<Pose Tracker> Banagher Links has posed.
Leina /smiles/.
It's a little, fragile thing, but Banagher can't help but feel warmth suffuse his heart at the sight. Bringing his hands to his chest, he takes a deep breath, eyes closed, then smiles at her in return.
"As if you could be anything but lovely to me." Golden eyes blink open, filled with devotion. "When you've given me so much."
Banagher tucks a stray curl behind Leina's hair and kisses her lips. It's a chaste, sweet action -- he doesn't want to press too far. Not now, when she can't properly consent. All that matters is expressing his love for her.
Let my feelings reach her, he prays, to the god named Possibility.
Once she's dressed, he smiles again -- though some of the warmth has faded, he's left with enough strength to give her a little grin at her joke.
"That was terrible." He teases, shifting as well. Banagher's movements are steady and gentle, brushing from Leina's scalp to the nape of her neck in one gesture.
Once upon a time, he'd done this for his mother, at the very end. Something to try and cheer her up when she was at her most unwell. Banagher had intended on learning how to give her fancier hairstyles, but he never had the chance.
"I'm sorry." He murmurs, as the brush continues to move. "I won't bring it up again."
Leina forces herself quiet, and Banagher kisses her neck, wrapping his free hand around her waist. He doesn't take back the request. As Leina said, brushing her hair is over quickly, and when she moves to lay down, Banagher stands to place the brush along with the basin and cloth. Everything is ready for when the guards come to take it back.
Banagher kneels on the edge of the bed, when he returns to her side, touching her shoulder to let her know she's here. He wishes she would face him, but this is already more than he dreamed he'd be given. It's enough.
"If you feel like you can sleep, sleep, okay?" His voice is soft. "I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard it's been for you."
Tentatively, he wraps an arm around her waist, ready to pull away if she shows any signs of discomfort. Banagher can't help but want every moment of closeness he can with her. They can both be selfish together.
"I want to do what's best for you, whatever that looks like. For both of us." Banagher pointlessly hopes his words are too soft to be picked up by the recording equipment he /knows/ is here. "I'll do whatever it takes. Sign whatever they want. Hand them the stupid Box on a silver platter.
A soft breath. "Your well being and safety are the most important to me. Even if you're going to leave after this -- I want to make sure they can't do more to hurt you. You can say I'm stupid for it, but I won't budge. Whatever bargain I make with Vist is going to be to try and bring you happiness."
Love, true and undimmed, glimmers in Banagher's heart. All the chaos and pain that clouded his mind fades, leaving him with pure clarity. This same clarity that once raised a freighter to the heavens.
Miraculous green Light sparkles in the young pilot's eyes. It would only take the slightest acceptance on Leina's part for them to cross to a higher place, spiritually.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
She huffs a breath through her teeth as if flustered at him calling her beautiful right now, when obviously she doesn't feel that way, that faint smile still there after he kisses her.
It's so wrong, she shouldn't lead him on like this but... at the same time, it's not bad for her to be a little selfish here, right?
"I'm not exactly writing my best material in here." She retorts, but without any sharpness, as she lets him comb her hair. It's naturally curly, so he finds it's perhaps a little more matted and tangled than it's short appearance would bely. Still with enough effort, he gets it combed and presentable, and gentle untangled quickly enough.
"It's okay..." She tells him, as he apologizes, "... it's okay, I'm just... it's okay..." She echoes over and over to try and MAKE it okay, he doesn't have anything to apologize for.
Instead she accepts the kiss to her neck, her smile dimming as he says he'll do that, "I-" Isn't this what she wants? She wants him to do this, it's just, "Thank God- Banagher your life- it'll be so much better after this is over with. Thank God."
However, despite how closed off she is, the moment just opens her up, just subtly, just enough...
It shouldn't be for me. I'm not worth it.
She can't help it, but feel this way, even if it's what she wants him to do. It shouldn't be for her.
As they lay together, Leina's back to his, her eyes lull in the comfort of his touch, as if she were starting to drowse lightly... when that green light touches upon her while her guard is down.
There is contradiction there. Her conscious self, that knows she should not go there with him. And her subconscious, who knows she BELONGS there with him.
Without even realizing at first, the pink light, bruised into darker violet begins radiating off of her too...
Then her eyes flare open, and Leina looks startled as she begins to shift, "Banagher no-!" It's too late, she let her guard down too much, some truths can only be denied. Some are simply KNOWN.
And her soul knows this one, as she's drawn into this place together, and she can't stop it, it's like swimming upstream, unprepared for the current.
He sees her. A splotchy violet, like her whole form is bruised, rather than the luminous pink as it was before. Indentations of fingertips all over her. She crosses her arms all over herself, hunching herself over as if to make her smaller. The space around her fractured, kaleidoscopic, marred images of hands and fingers and hollow faceless children.
A spiritual sob wracks out of her, as she tries to make herself smaller, as if it would be harder for him to look at her if she did. It's futile, however, bonded as they are, in this space he sees her more truly than anyone else can.
Her protests come out with a sense of panic.
It's not her fault! It's not her fault! She just wants to live!
Does Leina... ALLOW this to happen to her?
<Pose Tracker> Banagher Links has posed.
Leina echoes forgiveness, and Banagher hesitates, pulling his hand away so she won't feel it tremble through the brush. Her suffering has gone deeper than he could've ever imagined. Banagher has no idea how to bring her back to the surface.
"Life will be quieter." Banagher murmurs in response. "I definitely won't miss unlocking the Coordinates."
Leina's thoughts reach him, and he clings to her, pulling her close. As if those thoughts were a danger Banagher could keep her away from, somehow.
Always worth it, always wanted, always loved...
His own feelings echo back. They're less organized thoughts and more a mantra of Banagher's love for Leina. Something that cannot be suppressed or denied, even as he's trying to avoid contradicting her.
Reality fades away, overtaken by resonant Light and Connection. Banagher and Leina's souls are so entwined, could one even go without the other? Her protests startle Banagher, but not enough to pull him away from her, or to keep him grounded to reality.
When his eyes open again, they're a heavenly green. The physical pain Banagher's put himself through fades, and he sighs in relief, a smile on his face--
--that fades as soon as he sees Leina, manifested before him. Horror blooms around the young pilot's own form, distorting the resonant color surrounding them. Even here -- even here, they've hurt her so terribly, even here. Leina...
Banagher floats to her, his hands hovering just over his form. Tears gather in his eyes, shimmering like starlight. They spill over as he takes one of her hands in his own, gently pulling her body to his, pressing their foreheads together.
It's okay.
Just as she'd reassured him earlier, Banagher seeks to reassure her now. Tears fall down his spiritual face -- he can't hide himself here any more than she can. His grief and regret is palpable, but so is his love.
There's no war between these feelings. They simply exist, in harmony, each as true and pure as the next. Kisses are pressed to Leina's forehead, again and again, as his swirling emotions encompass them both.
It's not her fault, but this can't keep happening. Elpeo loves you. She doesn't want you to be hurt. She doesn't want you to let her do this.
Here where spirits are free of physicality, Banagher presses himself closer to Leina, tangling their legs, wrapping his free arm around her. How much more can they bond? How much more of his soul can he give her?
I love you. Do you still believe that's true?
It cannot be untrue. Here, where there are no lies -- Banagher's love is as poignant a reality as their bodies' existence.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
"Such a relief..." She says even more quietly, "... that you'll be safe."
The angle of her eyes shift even further away when Banagher's love leaks out, radiates, along with an increased grip on her. She doesn't pull away at least.
On another level of existence, Banagher touches her, and she looks - scared? Timid? Skittish of even looking at him, as her neck flexes to keep from looking away, even as he tells her it's okay. Even as he presses spiritual kisses to her forehead.
Her soul however is bared, try as she might, she can't keep away from looking at him eventually, just a furtive look out of the side of her eyes.
Maybe she wants to live more.
He can sense her uncertainty, the contradiction writ large. Even she isn't certain what to make of this, between the real Elpeo and what is within the Banshee.
As Banagher presses closer, entwining the two, he manages to coax her away her curled up position, gradually, as she lays her head against where his collarbone might have been.
I do, but...
There's just this stricken sense, this sorrow, this despair over her betrayal of him. These feelings of self loathing, raw and horrible.
... you shouldn't. The way I love you isn't right.
Her neck shifts just enough to look at him again, from her position, leaned against him, her lips don't move, but her feelings are still known in this place.
Look at how much I've hurt you.
She tells him, focused on the harm she's done to him, even while her soul is so splotched and contused with the myriad wounds of this kind of spiritual harm.
I'm not good for you, or to you Banagher.
<Pose Tracker> Banagher Links has posed.
As long as Leina doesn't pull away, Banagher will keep holding onto her. She doesn't have to look at him, she doesn't even have to say anything -- just don't reject him. That's all he wants.
Banagher never knew Elpeo, but he knows her story, both from Leina and Judau's viewpoints. Even when everyone thought Elpeo was the Banshee's pilot, Banagher never truly believed it -- having faith in the dead girl who gave up her own life.
She wouldn't have sacrificed herself the way she did if that was true. I don't know what the truth is, but I know that isn't what Elpeo would want. I don't think the girl in the Banshee is the real her.
Banagher holds tightly to Leina, wrapping his arms around her all the more gently when she lays against him. Stardust falls from his eyes again as he takes a moment to exist in this moment with her. Leina in his arms, trusting that he loves her.
Holding close to Leina as she drowns in her despair hurts, her pain echoing into Banagher's soul the way a flame jumps from one flammable source to another. But he refuses to let go, only clinging to her more tightly, only offering more of himself.
Let me have this choice.
He begs, in response to her words.
Don't push me away. Not now, after everything. Don't leave me.
Banagher's heart glimmers an even truer green, an irrepressible light in the midst of the darkness of his shared despair with Leina. A hand brushes against the mottled bruising on one of her arms, as if his very touch could heal it. Bits of green radiance stay behind, Banagher's soul, even in inanimate, trying to provide Leina with relief.
All I can see is how much you've hurt yourself while trying to save me. All I can see is how much you love me.
With soft, soothing movements, Banagher's other hand rubs up and down Leina's back. He wishes he could take this on for her. After everything... it's not fair she's still in so much pain.
Just say that you'll stay with me.
Starlight spills onto Leina's hair. Banagher's grief threatens to overwhelm him, looking over the wounds she's suffered, body and soul. Suffering that's lasted so long, so hopelessly endless...
I promise that I'll make this right. All I want is to be with you, Leina. Please, please. Don't leave me.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
There is logic to what Banagher says, but it's incongruent to her current experiences. The Elpeo who wants Callie to be happy, the Elpeo who feels so much hate for the one who killed her.
She can't make sense of it really, not right now.
It has to be...
Even she seems uncertain, but in the end she tears her thoughts off the subject as Banagher holds her. Her body limp, free floating in his embrace in this weightless space unbound by gravity.
He begs her to give him the choice, for her not to push him away. For her not to leave him. And her ephemeral eyelids pinch further shut, stricken by how obviously in pain he is, and still trying to comfort her despite it all, with his hand across her back.
I can't. I can't. I can't make you that promise. Not one I can't keep.
Her palms flatten against his chest, to look him in the eyes, here, the droplets well up like the rings of Saturn being scattered, trailing unto eternity.
Not here. Not to you. I'm such a bad girl. I've told so many lies.
Again, she turns her head, cheek flattening at the base of his neck, her eyes pinching shut, but those tears still swimming out as sparkling celestial bodies.
I'll stay with you for now. Let that be enough.
A shifting of her cheek just subtly. It feels like there's nothing she can do to make this better for him. His focus is too much upon her. She doesn't deserve this love and devotion.
She doesn't.
It has to be enough.
She can give him this, at least for now though.
<Pose Tracker> Banagher Links has posed.
Leina isn't in a place where she can accept the truth of Elpeo's identity. It must be part of her conditioning -- and Banagher is terrified he'll make her suffer more by continuing to press. He doesn't agree with her thoughts, simply letting the topic trail off.
There's no way to hide from each other here. Communication is perfect, and though Banagher bares his soul for Leina, communication alone isn't enough to overcome her conditioning. He knows that's what this is. He knows these aren't her true feelings.
But it /hurts/.
Pain and grief resonate from Banagher, splintering space around him, sending a wave through the rolling pastel mist of agony and fear. Banagher doesn't know what to do, and he can't give up. Trapped in this moment, all he can do is cling to Leina, struck silent, as she rejects him.
...but she doesn't pull away, something in Banagher's heart points out. She doesn't leave. Nothing binds her here to the spiritual plane, but Leina stays with him. Perhaps the difference in her actions and her words reveals the truth.
Alright.
The response is whispered. A gossamer strand of hope remains, holding together Banagher's heart.
You'll always be enough, Leina. You've given me so much.
Banagher kisses her forehead. Again, green light is left behind -- sparkling and true, an expression of the young pilot's will and love. He has nothing left. All he can offer her is himself. The fabric of his soul.
Do you remember the first time we did this?
A hospital bed. There was guilt and pain then, too, though it was nothing compared to what would follow. If he'd known what was ahead...
Taking her hand in his own, he presses a kiss to her left ring-finger. Again, green light stays behind -- not a band. Banagher doesn't have that much control. A formless starburst, more than anything, brilliant and true.
It feels like it was a hundred years ago. I can't believe you put up with me.
No matter how much his heart threatens to shatter, Banagher can find infinite strength for Leina's sake. There will be time to break apart later. Now, all he wants is to give her whatever peace and love he can.
Even though I was an idiot, I wasn't wrong. More than the Box, more than the Unicorn. More than anything.
Memories float around him. The first day. The day he met the Unicorn. His lost home, shrouded in an ancient tapestry.
My only desire is you.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Leina's whole body spasms, as she feels the hurt roll off of him, like a hitched sob. This isn't supposed to be how it was going to go. She was supposed to just, betray him. He'd hate her. She'd leave his life. He'd move on. He'd get better.
Now? Now it feels like all she's going to do is make him suffer so much more, so much worse.
He's better off without her all the same though. Isn't he?
Isn't he?
Everything he says just validates that he's not, and her mind and soul twist the idea that even making him suffer worse, that he's still, better, off.
There's a quick shake of her head as he says she's given him so much.
Given you so much? I betrayed you! This was so important to you and I ruined it!
In that moment, there are the images she saw before, of Banagher and Cardeas, bloody fingers across his cheek, the man floating off into the inferno of his colony.
She may have hated the man and what he put on Banagher, but she always understood it's importance to him.
I ruined it on purpose.
Still, he bids her to think of the first time it happened, and some part of her just, relaxes at the memory. The hospital bed. Even though it sucked, her injuries... times were just better then. They just were.
How could I forget that, dummy? You proposed.
Only the faintest smile, for his kiss on her fingertip. She just, lays against him, eyes closed. As if, trying to focus on that distant happiness, even if she doesn't feel it right now.
Dummy.
Her soul utters again, at the idea that his only desire is her, but it's like her resistance is, broken here. Even if she can't accept the idea of a future with him right now.
He can at least feel her, and know that for all of her despair, for all of this desolation, and sorrow. No matter how horrible she feels.
She loves him.
And every wicked thing she's done in the service of the Vist Foundation, has been for Audrey and him.
<Pose Tracker> Banagher Links has posed.
Leina!
Banagher calls her name desperately as she spasms.
I'm okay, I'm okay, please --
He can feel the conflict in her soul, and it terrifies him. How much more can Leina take? Is he just making her suffer worse by telling her how much he loves her? More starlit tears escape his eyes, and he shakes his head fervently, lost. Banagher flinches at the memory of Cardeas' dying moments. A soft cry makes it past his lips, a desolate little sound. Can Cardeas see where his actions led his son?
I forgive you. I promise. I'm going to make all of this right again.
With great effort, he manages to keep his focus on her, tearing his thoughts away from how fervently he wishes he could return to that day and do everything differently.
I love you so much.
Leina relaxes, just a little. Banagher mirrors her, closing his eyes as well, trying to memorize every sensation of having her in his arms. No matter what comes, he's going to know how much Leina truly loves him, deeply and purely, beyond what any conditioning can touch.
He tries to pull the memories of their time together to the light. Their first date -- a musical, then walking in the park, and then the Unicorn. Swimming. Christmas. Prom.
A thousand little moments connecting the larger ones, like the strands of stardust between a constellation's stars.
This is what's real to me. This happiness. This is what you've given me, love, and I'll never forget.
Happier, better times echo around the young pilot and his love. Swirling around them in and out of the mists of Possibility, orbiting their entwined souls. Banagher presses himself closer still, as if he could make his and Leina's spirits one and the same. As if they would never be apart again, if he just believes in it hard enough.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
At Banagher's distress, there's a flinch, as part of her knows she did this, she brought this pain to him again, so strongly back to the surface. He can barely even think about how she destroyed so much of what was important to him.
It feels like all he can think about is her.
You shouldn't forgive me. You shouldn't.
She can't deny his love for her though, not in that confession, not in her own love back. Even as she can't say the words outright, as if afraid she'll just crumble.
What will even be left of her if she gives in? If she gives in so completely? She gave up everything that means anything to her for the two of them to be safe from the horrible people that drive the world.
If she doesn't even have that...? Then what was it all for?
He tries to draw her into the happy swirl of the memories, and the girl in this moment she wants to be weak. She wants to be weak.
She has to be strong.
I'm glad I could give that much to you, Banagher.
Her eyes lift up, to meet his. In these moments of happiness and love in this display of celestial soul stuff, as if the stars themselves might bend.
I'm glad.
In this moment though, Banagher sees it however, determination, resolve within her eyes.
But I have to be strong here Banagher, for your sake and hers.
He can feel it, the emotions swirling within this space, within this celestial place where just the two of them dwell, but it's not truly just the two of them? Each of them can feel their connections so acutely, so perfectly here.
Banshee.
Including this one. And Banagher might understand to his growing horror. That even if the Banshee is not as connected to her as he and the Unicorn are.
The connection is there.
And she called it here. As the hands move, to latch onto her. And now him too.
FEAR DESPERATION SORROW
You can't just cling hold to me.
It's not good for you Banagher.
I have to be strong.
So you can move on properly.
ANGER RESIGNATION LONELINESS
It's so much, so overwhelming. Is this what Leina goes through every time she's in it's cockpit? Rapidly it's curling about the two en masse, trying to quickly overwhelm him before he can adequately defend.
Just like the first few times she was in the cockpit.
...---...
Drawn out of this space, Leina unwinds one arm from the now insensate Banagher, forced into a state of unconsciousness even beyond reams for a while, then the other from around her. Quietly moving off the bunk, she kneels down beside it.
And slides the covers now more over him.
For a time she lays her head on her hands, watching him sleep for a time.
One of her hands lightly squeezes his, under the covers. Then she begins to stand, kissing him on the forehead, fingers lightly and gently curling in her hair as she strokes it.
"One day you'll thank me for this..." She's such a bad girl, always telling all those lies. What's one more to herself?
"One day."
She tries to smile, at the thought of that. Then lifts her hand, and moves to the pile of her clothing, lifting it up.
Then walking to the door.
It opens for her, and she leaves him alone to sleep. Given what Dr. Murasame told her of her first few experiences, he'll be out for some time.
After everything he's been through, he needs the sleep.