2023-01-18: Phoenix Ember
- Cast: Seolla Schweizer, Renais Cardiff
- Where: Tsutsujidai
- Date: U.C. 0097 01 18
- Summary: A bird with frayed wings finally accepts another who can set her free.
<Pose Tracker> Seolla Schweizer has posed.
Within the clinic ward, a bundled up bluebird huddles over a book of myriad little drawings. A thermometer is stuck in her mouth, and an entire cooler of ice cubes is within arm's reach...periodically set into a bag to refill, Seolla wearing it like a little hat.
...it's finally happened. Some force is actually keeping her where she probably should've sat tight these past few weeks. She's decidedly pushed through even a 'milder' state of unwellness for a little too long - and barging out in the rain while her body still wages an intense war against withdrawal symptoms rearing like a kraken has given her a terrible fever.
One can practically see ambient moisture start getting closer to steam when it gets near her. The reading on the thermometer would be extremely alarming on a normal person - but, of course, 'normal' for Seolla is feverish for a normal person, so it roughly balances out.
Today's notebook subject: a fluffy haired girl with gleaming glasses - the text below it currently blank...
<Pose Tracker> Renais Cardiff has posed.
Renais Cardiff is no medical professional. She's picked up a few things, here and there, particularly during the past month trapped in Tsutsujidai--but she's not really qualified for anything.
She's here to offer moral support, though, and with the knowledge that Seolla's checked herself into the clinic again, the hoodie-clad cyborg has decided to pay her a visit.
"Madamoiselle Schweizer," she greets with a gentle smile. "I'm glad to see you back..." Both hands dive into the front pockets of her jacket, producing two cans--one tea, one coffee. "Would you like one? You must be feeling chilly, with a fever like that..."
<Pose Tracker> Seolla Schweizer has posed.
Though her cheeks are red and a pout is persistent on her lips as she doodles, Seolla brightens up just a bit at Renais - swiftly catching the can of tea and slurping at it thirstily. She's a bit of a handful for the clinic, as it turns out - she hides it well, but she drinks -a lot- of water...and seems to get hungry every two hours...so part of her is a bit hesitant to accept too much.
"...Ugh, this is the worst, I can't get warm no matter how much I bundle up..." Slowly, she pulls back her sheets - unveiling to Renais that she's absolutely drenched in sweat, her tank top damp in more areas than it is dry. "...T...you can just call me Seolla, you know...I'm...sure of -that- name, at least. ...what brings you by today...?"
<Pose Tracker> Renais Cardiff has posed.
Renais frowns a little at the sight of so much sweat. She places the coffee can on Seolla's bedside table, pulling up a chair. "Seolla, then," she nods. "I wanted to check up on you." After a brief glance at the thermometer, she scratches her cheek. "Wow. No wonder... I... don't think I've seen that sort of body temp on anyone but myself."
An understatement. Even now, Renais tends to max out most medical thermometers!
"But... you're conscious, and you certainly seem to have an appetite... those drugs of yours are just doing a number on you, aren't they?"
Her eyes shift to the notepad, and she gives a curious look. "Who's that you're drawing?"
<Pose Tracker> Seolla Schweizer has posed.
The bag of ice is no longer ice - melted so swiftly even after being placed on Seolla's head just minutes ago. A trickle of water joins the cascade of sweat - she's quick to flick her tongue over it while reflling with even more ice.
"Doing a number on me is a light way to put it...ughh. Still not over that..." Her stare diverts out the window, still stained with raininess. "...put together a whole event thinking I needed to prove what I'm capable of. I've trained so long with all sorts of firearms..so. ...getting last place in that sorta contest I think sorta parked my butt in this bed. Fever pitched right after that. Maybe I had it the whole time. ...it can't be that everything I'm able to do is just because of what I was taking every day, surely..."
Seolla pauses at that question - staring more intently at her notebook. "...I...I- ...I don't actually know for sure. Her face is still really familiar. It's someone I clearly knew. But. I don't...have a name anymore for her..."
<Pose Tracker> Renais Cardiff has posed.
"No," Renais says, almost immediately. "Addiction happens because the body comes to rely on what's being provided by the drugs." She purses her lips. "So, part of withdrawal--especially in the case of combat drugs, I'm sure," she gestures, "Is a dip, below your baseline."
"You're more than what your drugs make you," she asserts. "More than whatever they made you into."
She looks a little bit sheepish at the latter of those two statements, like she didn't mean to be quite so... strong with it.
<Pose Tracker> Seolla Schweizer has posed.
Slowly, Seolla's knees tuck towards her chest, cheek resting upon one to gaze down at the foot of the bed next to her. A slightly forced smile crosses her lips, even as her eyes dull just that little bit.
"I don't have a whole lot besides the people counting on me. All of them need me to be as strong as I can. If I can't, there isn't much of a place for me. People who can't be at the top of their game don't last very long. That's the way of the world, that I learned a long time ago. I wasn't 'made' into anything. I pushed as hard as I can, to be as strong as I can, because that's the bare minimum it takes to survive."
"Not even being 'pretty good' is enough. If it were, they'd still-" Subconsciously, Seolla stops, and sets her book off to the side, slightly shakily. A pitfall where there was once a memory, nearly fallen into. Even her own head is a minefield. "...I really don't have anything besides what I can do. So if I can't surpass those heights, it's all over. Can't accept that outcome."
<Pose Tracker> Renais Cardiff has posed.
Renais stiffens visibly at Seolla's assertions.
"No. That's not true."
She rolls back her right sleeve, pulling the black glove off all at once, baring the emerald-jewelled golden prosthetic making up most of her forearm. She keeps it at a distance from Seolla. "I was taken by BioNet. They turned me into a weapon... and for a long time afterward, I believed that was all I was. All I could be."
She stares at Seolla, a fire burning behind her eyes. "Believe me when I say I know what it's like. But I will tell you, right now... *you are more than the weapon they made you to be.* You may not think you have anything else. I didn't. But... I did. I had people ready to care, people ready to accept me."
She looks into Seolla's eyes, and reaches her left hand to put it on top of Seolla's hand. "You aren't alone. I promise."
<Pose Tracker> Seolla Schweizer has posed.
There's a stubborn cynicism in Seolla's eyes by this point. Too exhausted to flee for sure - she can't run away from what she's feeling even if she tried.
"...the people I do have...they need me for this. No. I'm not alone. But that's just it. ...I'm alone here. The ones I care about have to rely on my strength. For Arado, and Ouka, and-"
Her hand gestures unknowingly to that timid-looking girl in her book, but seems so unable to keep the words going.
for you -t=|2, whoever you w/re
A cough racks Seolla's body, timed mildly unfortunately with Renais' hand on her shoulder - one that might make her double over, but instead, her teeth grit. And almost as though that touch fills her with energy, she sits up straight, staring skywards, and belts out, "They're more important to me than anything in the world!! Refusing to protect them is abandoning them! I love them, they're the only ones I trust, and they both need me more than any of us want to admit! That's why...the only thing I can do is make sure nothing's ever in our way!! And if I can't...then I'll have to forget them too..."
But she can't. Not like this. Not anymore. Not as weak as she is now.
Both of her hands fly up to catch Renais', sucking in a choking, wheezing breath inward.
"...I...I don't have an answer to that anymore!! What am I going to do?! I don't even know if Ouka's still hanging in there, and without me, after this long, they might have totally gotten rid of Arado-! And I'll go back a failure too, so they'd get rid of me, since literally everyone here wants to protect the person I was sent to eliminate! I can't fight all of you. I can't even fight one of you!!"
Tears erupt from Seolla's wide eyes, clouding her vision, turning Renais into a blurry, hazy shape of gold and pink. There, maybe. Now that it's just that little bit harder to 'recognize' her-
"Renais...w...what did...how did you...make it...?" Eyes clenching, lips grimacing - twisted into the kind of uncompressed crying she's so clearly needed to cut loose for so long. The same smell as the rain outside.
"...I...h-help me...please..."
<Pose Tracker> Renais Cardiff has posed.
Renais is... not prepared for this response. It takes a few moments for her to gather her thoughts, and by then Seolla's clinging to the arm on her shoulder.
How did she make it?
"I almost didn't. They unplugged my power source, left me for dead... Chasseur found me, and my father installed a G-Stone into me. He saved my life. And... I shut out my pain for a long time," she says quietly, her eyes dark, moving her hand just enough that she can put the glove back on her prosthetic hand. The heat is palpable. "Killed a lot of people. BioNet. I though revenge would help. But... being fueled by nothing but hate isn't exactly mentally healthy."
With the glove back on, she pulls Seolla in close, hugging her. That gloved hand is warm--all of her is, but that especially so. "No. You aren't alone here, either. You may not trust me, but... I'm here too. I needed help to get here, and I'm offering you that help."
She sighs. "... you won't be killing her. But... nobody should be held for ransom like you are--like they are. What if I told you we could help them, too?"
She's made a decision, now. She'll only let Seolla suffer for this 'failure' over her dead body.
<Pose Tracker> Seolla Schweizer has posed.
This warmth. This persistence, every second Seolla's been here - this entire world's dedication to being a place that maybe, just maybe, can help even a single person. That a single person should even be cared for so deeply.
It's finally hammered hard enough for Seolla to melt and sob into Renais' shoulder, swiftly getting it absolutely soaked in tears - both arms gripping Renais' sides with all her strength.
She opens her mouth try to say something. Anything. Instead, all that comes out for a long while is a muffled scream of - ...it might be easier to list what it isn't a scream of. Throaty, voice cracking, guttural, everything. Ten years of everything. Even what she doesn't know anymore. Bleeding from wounds left with redirecting notes taped to their surfaces, all pouring out like the final crack giving way on a dam.
...seven minutes of it. Seolla's voice is hoarse and ragged by the end - it takes all her might to stop bellowing it all out.
"...i'll do anything. ...i want to believe you more than anything. It's hard. I hate it. I hate it so much!! I'm about to throw up. Every single day, every time I heard that things would get better. They were FULL OF SHIT. I've heard the kind of soft kindness you all give so much. Every day! And it was always nothing! How could I possibly believe you all when it made me so ANGRY- it made me so DESPERATE, and I'm, and I'm - - -"
"...please. ...let me believe in you all . . . just this once. ...please don't lie to me. ...please..."
All Seolla has the power to do now is sniffle against Renais indefinitely.