2022-12-06: Poinsettias
- Log: Poinsettias
- Cast: Yuta Hibiki, Kaworu Nagisa
- Where: Tsutsujidai
- OOC - IC Date: 12-05-0096
- Summary: Music has always symbolized discovery and beginning in Tsutsujidai, something Yuta is counting on as he invites Kaworu to a concert.
<Pose Tracker> Yuta Hibiki has posed.
>hey :)
>theres a public concert in tsutsu this week..
>i know you like that kind of thing
>wanna go with me?
>ill even bring aya hot chocolate
Winter in Tsutsujidai doesn't look any different from summer, really, but that's no reason not to be festive! Christmas lights glow faintly in the late-afternoon light. Here and there, shops advertise sales and specials. Chocolate moves in quantities only tertiary to Valentine's Day and Halloween. Tsutsujidai high school takes part in all of this, certainly, with clubs preparing for winter showcases and performances.
Most notably, for Yuta, anyway: Tsutsujidai park is flooding with smartly-dressed people bearing instruments of every stripe. It's a collection of adult musicians from within the city -- certainly no experts, but the sound of music from those who perform simply for the love of it is just as good. It's a very casual event. The orchestra is set up on the grass, with the audience spread out on blankets and camping chairs before them.
Yuta has prepared. A wide picnic blanket is spread out a nice distance from the musicians. Close enough to enjoy the sound, but not to be too loud for chatting. A drink container holds two large paper cups of specialty hot chocolate, steam gently floating from the little holes in their lids. Next to the drinks is a lovely bouquet of poinsettias. Their vibrant red is both festive and sweet. It's almost enough to make you believe a wintery chill is in the air!
Of the same hue as the flowers, a knit scarf is wrapped around Yuta's neck. It's a little out of place, compared to his summery shorts and short-sleeved shirt. But it makes him feel confident and loved, so it's worth putting up with a little bit of overheating. As he waits, the musicians begin to take their seats, a few playing warm-up notes. It won't be long now before the concert begins!
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
>Certainly. Thank you for the invitation, it sounds lovely.
>You don't need to bring any refreshments, though. I'm satisfied with just your company.
Kaworu isn't trying to flirt. He's simply saying what he honestly thinks, while not mentioning that imbibing liquids is meaningless to him. The chocolates he received during Valentine's last February were set on his desk in a place of honor for a month out of respect for the feelings who gave them to him; then he gave them out to his at-the-time neighbors.
He arrives at the meeting place he and Yuta agreed to in Kamesan Park wearing casual clothing, as befits the occasion: a dark blue and white long-sleeved V-chested sweater, buttoned over a white shirt and blue jeans, with his usual cream-colored sneakers popped up. He walks between the various park-goers and their set-ups to find the picnic blanket Yuta's sitting upon.
"Hey," he greets him, sitting cross-legged next to him. He admires the poinsettias, and notes that Yuta brought the drinks anyway. He doesn't mind that; he can drink, he just doesn't have to. He also thinks nothing of Yuta's scarf, despite the warm weather. Temperature is something else that means nothing to Kaworu, so it doesn't bother him to see someone wearing mixed-weather clothes. He himself is probably a little overdressed.
From there, he looks up at the musicians as they warm up in preparation for the concert. "It's truly wonderful to see the local residents engaging in music," he says warmly. "Perhaps it's a sign that they're growing into themselves, beyond this world that has been fashioned for them." He looks over at Yuta with his usual smile. "What do you think?"
<Pose Tracker> Yuta Hibiki has posed.
"Kaworu!" Yuta waves to his friend when the other young man comes into view, smiling. "I'm so glad you made it! You look great!"
Though there was no chance of Kaworu not making it, at least not without sending a message, Yuta's heart still fluttered with worry. He's really a mysterious person, after all... Yuta smiles brightly, offering one of the drinks to Kaworu and taking the other for himself.
"I know it's always like summer in here, but this is my first Christmas that I can remember. So I want to experience all the classics." Yuta says, brightly, taking an enthusaistic sip of his own hot chocolate. "I'm trying to convince the Neon Genesis Junior High Students to go caroling with me, but it's a pretty tough sell. Vit says carolers are 'cringe', but then Borr kicked him." He laughs, shrugging.
Blue eyes practically shine with delight as Kaworu compliments the residential musicians. "Yeah! I didn't even know they could do this kind of thing. They never have before, anyway... Nidaime always talks about 'Song Spirits', and how powerful music is... I believe this is a sign of something bigger, without a doubt. Maybe someday they'll all be as 'awake' as we are."
As Yuta finishes his thought, the conductor steps forward. She bows politely, greeting the crowd. Without much preamble, the concert begins! As expected, it's a production of more love than skill. No one is doing poorly, by any means, and everyone simply smiles over any flat notes or false starts. The crowd is in a good mood, chatting to each other.
A gaggle of children run by Yuta and Kaworu's blanket, tearing toward the nearby playset. Yuta can't help but laugh as he watches them. "See? Stuff like that... I feel like I never used to see kids running around. Maybe I'm paying more attention now, or something. But it's great either way."
"Oh, how's Shinji doing, by the way?" Yuta asks, his eyes carefully on the musicians. "I hope he's been able to relax a little, lately."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
A light chuckle on his breath, Kaworu accepts the compliment with a broad smile. "Thank you." And after he sits: "That scarf is new. Is that, too, part of your embrace of the aesthetics of Christmas?" After all, he's otherwise dressed for summer.
When offered the hot chocolate, he accepts it and takes a sip, then holds it delicately with one hand. "That sounds like Vit," he says dryly. "I hope you find some measure of success in your attempts. Caroling is such a charming tradition."
He nods as the topic shifts to the musicians and what that means for the residents of Tsutsujidai. "I'm inclined to agree," he says of their potentially awakening. "Whether Akane will see that as a good or bad thing, I don't know... but it will be a good thing for the people here, I'm certain."
The conductor steps forward, and the concert begins. Kaworu focuses in on it, eyes shut as he basks in the sound. It may not have the polish of a professional performance, but there is love there, like distant city lights on the horizon. The crowd is lively as well, and though not everyone is silent for the performance, it feels as though they're enjoying it all the same.
Children rush about and Yuta laughs, and Kaworu opens his eyes to glance at him, then over at the kids as they clamber onto the playset. "Yes. There's an energy now that isn't usually here," he muses. "When all has reached its conclusion, where will that energy go to?"
His smile turns fonder as Yuta brings up Shinji. "He's doing well. Shinji and I are going to be part of a recital scheduled for later this month, and we practiced together recently. He's still concerned about various things, as always, but it seemed like it helped him relax. I pray that practicing with the Second Child in turn will help bring them closer together in turn."
<Pose Tracker> Yuta Hibiki has posed.
Yuta brings a hand up to his scarf fondly. It sways as he moves, cheerful tassles dangling from its ends. "Oh, Calibur's gotten into knitting, suddenly. When I woke up from Akane's dream, he'd put this scarf around my neck. It's super soft and warm. It makes me feel like..." Yuta pauses, scratching the side of his face. "It's a little sentimental, but it makes me feel like I can feel how much he cares about me when I wear it. He's not really the type to use words for stuff like that."
"Even though he finished this one, he's knitting another one." Yuta says, puzzled. "Whenever I ask him who it's for, he just says he's doing his duty. So maybe Rikka..? Maybe he's knitting a big one to put around Junk, so Gridman can have it." Yuta grins.
Akane... Will she mind her creation coming to life? Yuta tries to imagine if something he formed using his own heart started acting differently than he wanted. Even if it was in good ways, it'd be distressing. It'd be like his creation was saying his heart wasn't good enough, that it wanted something else. Yuta gently frowns.
"I hope she'll come to love it." His voice is soft. "I know we're not exactly what she wanted, but we still love her. Even if everyone here doesn't know her like Rikka and I do, the fact that they're thriving and growing means they love that they exist, right? If they knew her, I think they'd be grateful. I'm sure they'd love her, just like we do."
Feeling a little embarrassed, Yuta takes a sip of his hot chocolate, looking away with a blush on his face. "I guess I feel pretty seriously about this stuff!" But when everything has concluded... "No matter what happens, I'm going to be glad I was here." Even if they all fade away when Alexis is defeated and Akane is freed. He doesn't want to say it out loud, though. This is supposed to be a fun evening.
Kaworu smiles more sweetly when Yuta brings up Shinji, and Yuta's heart sinks, just a bit. "I'm glad to hear it. I remember you mentioning that recital. I hope Rikka and I can come! If you guys want a crowd, anyway. He and Asuka... Did they work things out after she was freed from the dream?" With a nervous expression, Yuta fusses with his scarf a bit more. "I still have to apologize to her, Rei too."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
"I see... So Calibur made it for you." Kaworu's smile softens in happiness for his friend. Calibur doesn't seem like the kind of person who is naturally inclined towards creation. For him to put so much of an effort towards it anyway that he made an entire scarf for Yuta does indeed convey the sentiment that he is loved. "It suits you well," he concludes warmly.
His duty, though, hm? Kaworu wonders about it, but if Yuta doesn't know either, there's no point in asking about it. He does chuckle at Yuta's joke, though.
When Yuta starts talking about the love of the Repli-Compoids for Akane, Kaworu falls silent to listen, wrists criss-crossing over his knees as the hot chocolate cup still dangles from one hand. "You truly care about Akane," he remarks when he's done talking. Whether Yuta's right about the rest of the Tsutsujidai residents or not... "Perhaps that love and acceptance you feel will one day convey itself to her."
He gives a faint chuckle then. "Of course. We'll be playing on behalf of Tokyo-3 Municipal Middle School, so there will be quite a few people there, I imagine." He pauses at the question, though. "I don't know," he admits. "I have the impression they've spoken since then, but I don't know the details. I... hope they have."
Another pause, as Yuta mentions wanting to apologize. "Why's that?"
<Pose Tracker> Yuta Hibiki has posed.
"Maybe it's similar to his swords." Yuta wonders aloud, as the orchestra moves into another familiar Christmas song. "Two swords, two knitting needles. I don't know how any of that stuff works, but I'm grateful. Thanks, Kaworu! Knowing you like it means it really must be fashionable."
Yuta doesn't quite pick up Kaworu's delicate avoidance of how the rest of the Repli-Compoids feel, too lost in his own sentimental wishes. But the other boy is given a soft smile and a nod. "I hope so. I admit, I don't really know how to face her right now, after all that dream stuff..." Yuta trails off, leaving exactly what "dream stuff" he means in the air. Though, if anyone could understand from such bare-bones explanation, it would be Kaworu. "But I hope I'll have the words when the time comes."
"Awesome! You guys are going to sound great. I know you don't all get along, but there's a harmony between the NERV kids, I think. Or most of you, anyway?" Yuta laughs, shaking his head. "But especially you and Shinji! Sometimes it seems like... the way you look at him, and the way he acts around you, I guess, it's like you're in one of those old fairy tale movies I watched with Asuka."
A deep breath. Here it comes. Yuta wrote out a script for this, but it's totally vanished from his mind in this, the critical moment. "S--so, if I can ask, um. I've been curious! About you and him. It's different from the way you interact with Orpheus, or any of the other guys." A memory of his confession to Rikka floats through Yuta's mind, and he pushes it away, mentally flustered. Some people only like girls, or only like boys. It's on that poster at school... Be brave, Yuta! "D--do you like boys, that way?"
As for the apologies... Somehow, this is an easier topic. "I thought I was fighting to protect everyone's wishes for peace and happiness. I mean, I literally fought that guy." A frown. "I'm not sorry about that. But I'm sorry about everything else. My actions made it easier for Akane to hurt everyone with her dream kaiju. And if anyone would have come trying to get their friends back, I would've fought them."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Two swords, two knitting needles... Kaworu hasn't engaged with either--if anything, he's more of a spear-wielder--but he does silently concede there's a certain symmetry there. He smiles at Yuta's gratitude. As for the rest of the Repli-Compoids... part of awakening to oneself means finding one's own individuality. In an entire city of people, there will surely be some who end up angry with Akane. It would be their right to, too. But Kaworu would rather not dampen Yuta's spirits, especially during such a lovely concert.
As for the 'dream stuff,' it might be bare-bones, but Kaworu understands just fine. He gives Yuta a thoughtful look, but simply nods. (After all, if she wanted to turn enemies into allies, then it's only natural that she would eventually target him.)
"I may not like the Second Child, but we are all Children burdened by the scenario. In that way, we do all share a certain harmony." And it's not as though Kaworu hasn't performed together with all of them before--though that was before Mari came around. Yuta's description of the syncronicity between Kaworu and Shinji in particular gets him a pleased little laugh, though. "It's because we're fated to always meet again," he says with a smile and a light humor that might make it sound as though he's joking. The thing is, Kaworu's humor is of the 'it's funny because it's true' variety.
His humor fades into something more wistful when Yuta eases into the nature of Kaworu's feelings for Shinji. He shuts his eyes momentarily. First Asuka, then Lucine, and now Yuta... At this point, it really is obvious to everyone but Shinji, isn't it? Still, that's all right. He simply isn't like that, save perhaps under extraordinary circumstances. If he seeks his happiness, then it simply can't be helped.
Aloud, he says, "Yes."
He looks back over at Yuta, slow strings and piano harmonizing on Silent Night. He doesn't remark on Yuta fighting Eisen, but he does nod once. "I see. Then I hope your apologies to Rei and the Second Child go well."
<Pose Tracker> Yuta Hibiki has posed.
"If Asuka is the Second Child," Yuta says, putting the proper weight on the last two words. "What number are you, Kaworu?" He takes a moment to wonder who even decides on this numbering system. Maybe Kaworu himself? For that matter, why does Kaworu always use Asuka's title instead of her name? He calls everyone else by their names... That seems like it goes beyond 'not liking'. Is there some kind of feud going on?
"Hmm..." Yuta mumbles, looking down at his drink. Kaworu says 'fated to meet again' and Yuta glances back up, fully back in the conversation. "Woah, really? That sounds incredible, like fate. Like something from one of those old Earth religions! No wonder he means so much to you." Yuta, apparently, takes this very seriously.
After such a romantic declation, Yuta's heart is a mess, pounding in his chest. Kaworu says yes, and Yuta's smile goes absolutely wobbly. There's chaos behind his eyes. Yuta really likes Shinji. He doesn't want to get in the way of some kind of destined romance. Shinji and Kaworu do seem to have a really close bond... But Shinji's going on dates with Asuka, right? Maybe he should've texted Shinji before all this, just to be certain. Should he text Shinji now? No, no, Kaworu is looking at him. That'd be rude.
Focus. Remember the plan. Figure out if Kaworu is interested in Shinji, figure out if Shinji is interested in him, figure out if Kaworu likes all boys or just Shinji... Was there anything else?
A few moments have passed in silence. For Yuta, it feels like an eternity.
"T--thank you for trusting me with that! I promise not to tell anyone." Yuta manages, remembering Rikka's preferences. "In that case, um..!"
Yuta picks up the bouquet of poinsettias, holding it close to his chest. "I was going to give you these either way." A little nervous laugh. "But -- I think you're really amazing, Kaworu. We've been friends for almost as long as I can remember, now, and I've admired you for a really long time. You're so talented, and -- handsome, and--!" Breathe. Keep breathing. "I really like you. Would you like to go out with me?"
The flowers are held out to Kaworu, fragrant and vivid. They're remarkably similar to the shade of his eyes.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
"I'm the Fifth Child. Rei is the First, Shinji is the Third, Alouette is the Fourth, and Mary and Eisen Daiwel are unnumbered," Kaworu replies, matter-of-fact. It was actually not that long ago that he addressed Rei as the First, but that had quite a different tone to it than when he calls Asuka the Second. He smiles at Yuta's reaction to his talk of fate. It's admittedly more than that that draws him to Shinji, but... "Yes."
And after that, for a moment, Yuta seems distinctly upset, his emotional aura a chaotic mess. It's clear even just looking at him. Kaworu's smile dims as he tilts his head slightly. "Hm?"
When he doesn't respond at first, Kaworu likewise remains silent. If there's something Yuta wants to discuss, he'll say something. For now, Kaworu gazes forward at the band, listening with the corners of his mouth ticked up. Soon he begins to hum along.
Then, finally, Yuta speaks up again. Kaworu looks back at him. It doesn't bother him if people know he likes boys, but... it would be upsetting if Shinji didn't like it. "Thank you," he thus murmurs.
Yuta picks up the bouquet of pointsettias and stammers out a series of compliments. They're capped by a request to date, and an offer of the bouquet. The petals are vibrant and beautiful. Kaworu stares down at them, then across at Yuta. He doesn't reject them, but he doesn't accept them yet, either. He likes Yuta, too. But--
Kaworu understands what is happening here. He just doesn't understand why. Because of that, he can't help but wonder if perhaps he doesn't understand at all.
"I... thought you liked Rikka?" he asks, confusion plain on his features.
<Pose Tracker> Yuta Hibiki has posed.
"Fifth, so you're the biggest number." Yuta says, with a smile. Some pilots don't have a number. Maybe it goes girls-first? He has no idea what it means, really, but... "That seems cool!" Thank goodness Kaworu enjoys the music so much. Yuta would be absolutely mortified should his friend know the sheer amount of flustered nonsense he's putting himself through.
Kaworu doesn't take the flowers. Yuta's smile gets a bit wobbly again. He doesn't reject them, either, though. The other young man looks... confused? What? Kaworu must get this kind of thing all the time, with how amazing he is, right?
"I--um." Oh boy. Yuta takes a deep breath. "I do -- I did like Rikka. But Rikka doesn't like me-- ah, me! She doesn't like me in return. I was sad about it for a while, and honestly pretty embarrassed. But in the end, I didn't do anything wrong. She didn't reject me because of any personal reasons... We're just not compatible that way. And I respect that."
He's dancing around the true reason. Yuta made a promise, and he's not going to break it to anyone.
"Even before I confessed to Rikka, you were, um. I was. Starting to have feelings for you, I think. I just didn't realize it because I was so focused on her." Yuta takes a breath. He doesn't want Kaworu to feel like a second choice. "And once I accepted that, I started to notice how much I really like you."
Yuta's eyebrows draw together gently, his expression a little self-depricating. "I can't promise fate or anything, but I think we'd have a lot of fun together."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
The biggest number... "That's one way of putting it," Kaworu replies. He doesn't comment on if it's cool or not, though. To him, it simply is. If Yuta really means that, though, it doesn't trouble him.
No, if it's troubled by anything, it's the slow realization that Yuta has apparently felt this way for him for a long time, and he never noticed. Perhaps that's unfair to think; after all, it also seems as though Yuta's feelings for Rikka eclipsed those for him, and as the former waned, the latter have waxed. Kaworu always knew that Yuta thought well of him, but to think he felt this deeply...
"I... thank you," he says quietly. "But... are you really sure? You... already know how I feel for Shinji."
His expression clouds. But... it isn't as though Shinji returns those feelings in the same way. And he's come to understand already that bringing Shinji happiness means needing to be mindful of his own. If he can't be with Shinji romantically, then isn't it senseless to refuse Yuta's feelings? It isn't like his female classmates at Tokyo-3 Municipal, intrigued and then later frightened by a handsome mystery. Yuta isn't part of his own fate, but they've become close all the same. They've fought alongside each other many times now. Even if he returns to an isolated universe, in the fullness of time, they may meet again too.
At the same time, there's so much about himself that Yuta doesn't know. Would Yuta still feel this way about him if he knew his true nature? Would Yuta be safe if he came to know his true nature? Doesn't Yuta deserve better than that...? If he accepts Yuta's feelings, he should tell him the truth. But he can't. The time isn't right yet. Would accepting his feelings now even so then not be, as Shinji once put it, a betrayal of his feelings?
It's hard. It's much harder than Kaworu could have ever anticipated. He's usually the one doing the pining, rather than being pined for.
But then Yuta says that he thinks they'd have a lot of fun together. Kaworu pauses mentally at this. Not fate, but fun... It sounds intriguing. It might be a nice way to forget for a while. But is that fair to Yuta?
"If I told you I couldn't ever forget Shinji... would you still want to be with me in that way?" he wonders quietly.
<Pose Tracker> Yuta Hibiki has posed.
As Silent Night winds down, several members of the orchestra pick up variously sized bells, and the opening notes of Silver Bells begin to play. Yuta glances over at them, charmed by the unique song. He smiles, then turns his attention back to Kaworu.
"I do. And... I'm sure. I thought about this a lot." Yuta replies, slowly. Kaworu seems to be working through his own chaotic feelings, now. Yuta gives him time to think, quietly watching. He may not have the same psychic senses as Kaworu, but even Yuta can sense the conflict in his friend.
Is this fair? Making Kaworu choose between waiting for a chance with Shinji, or dating him? Yuta shifts his weight on the blanket. Unlike Kaworu, all his secrets are already laid bare to the other man. In a way, Kaworu's known Yuta almost for his entire life, and been privy to more of his private thoughts than anyone aside from Gridman and the Neon Genesis Junior High Students.
The flowers begin to feel heavy in Yuta's hands. Maybe he shouldn't have done this... But wasn't it Kaworu himself who encouraged Yuta to move forward with his feelings, when they were about Rikka?
Kaworu's question makes Yuta blink in surprise. He looks down, thinking carefully. A few moments pass, but nothing changes. If anything, this is more fair. "I think... I'm the same way, with Rikka, a little bit. I respect her decision, like I said, but--" Yuta closes his eyes. "I had these feelings for her before I lost my memory, and they came back again now. I thought that meant something."
"Kaworu, if you don't feel the same way, it's alright." Yuta says, rallying a smile. "I don't want to mess up our friendship. You mean a lot to me, whatever our relationship looks like."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
The bells do indeed have a silvery tone. It's quite pleasant, and as Yuta listens, Kaworu does as well. It's quite calming, really. Kaworu can accept nearly anything, and he'll accept this too. It was just... unexpected. It's never really occurred to him before that one could simply... change who one loves.
No. It isn't simple at all, is it? Yuta is trying to respect that Rikka loves someone else--something he hadn't said, but surely must have come up during his confession--and love someone else, too. To move on and no longer burden her with his feelings. Kaworu looks down at the hot chocolate he's barely touched. ...Perhaps that's what would make Shinji happy after all.
"...I see," he thus says slowly. "I do like you, Yuta. I'm simply not sure if I love you. But I appreciate you saying so." He lifts a bittersweet smile his way. "You truly are a good friend. No matter how our relationship changes, that will always be true."
A pause. "Could you give me a day to think it over? I understand how you feel... so I'd like to approach this with care." Another pause. "In the meantime... is it all right if we continue to enjoy this concert together?" A faint but sincere smile. "...And I would be happy to accept the flowers you wanted to give me no matter what."
Kaworu will accept them with grace and care, too. And as the concert goes on, he'll sip at that hot chocolate until it's all gone at last.