2022-10-10: Recognition
- Log: Recognition
- Cast: Kaworu Nagisa, Anti
- Where: Nouvelle Tokyo Train Station
- Date: 2022-10-10
- Summary: Anti discusses Akane's newest kaiju with Kaworu, and recognises the pattern.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Free will is a tricky thing. It's even trickier when it intersects with duty. When what you want to do is also something someone else wants you to do--something they have explicitly told you to do--how much does your own will truly come into play? For Kaworu, Angel of Freedom, who has always been a piece on SEELE's chessboard, this has often been a struggle. Ironically, the one time he came to a definitive answer on it was the one time he did something truly unforgivable--something he understood later, keenly, that it really wasn't what he wanted to do. Then, or ever again.
But then there's those who've recently moved into Tsutsujidai. Akane claims they moved in because they were tired of the outside world like she is, and Alouette Pommier too claimed that she was sick of the fighting and left to get away from it all, but... how much of that is truly their own desire? And how much of it is because Akane has impressed that desire upon them through her kaiju?
It's exceedingly difficult to tell. Kaworu knows that better than most.
But he's also in a better position than most of those outside the group that have moved there. Almost everyone now has to travel to Tsutsujidai through space now, but he's among the few who can still take a train from Nouvelle Tokyo. It's very convenient for his day job... not to mention his other school. Even for one like Kaworu, attending two schools at once gets a little time-consuming.
Today is a Tsutsujidai High day. He's decided he'll be attending it more frequently while these incidents remain ongoing. He's still getting ignored at Tokyo-3 Municipal Middle School, so little is lost there. He can still see his fellow Children at NERV headquarters. But it is still a loss... a loss, so he can take care of something that is both his own concern, and a matter of high concern to NERV.
It's exceedingly difficult when duty overlaps desire. He reflects on that as he gazes up at the sky, towards where the PLANT would be up in orbit, while he waits for his transfer at the local train station.
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
It's important to look up.
There are a lot of things, looking up. Circuit boards where a sky should be, or --
A boy.
There's a boy, standing on the steel cross-beams which carry the very, VERY live wires which power the trains going out of this Tokyo. One baleful sunset eye casts over the land, searching and searching out. The sun's high enough that it doesn't match the colour, in the sky beyond.
Perhaps it's a little slice of something else, come to visit.
His gaze casts far, and wide, and then closer, down -- and, impossibly, he catches Kaworu's gaze, though he's quite a way's away from the platform. His single, visible eye narrows. His knees bend, just so.
He springs, from one beam to another, to another, and then finally to the roof of the platform, and from there to the ground. Some of the commuters exclaim, when they realise a boy just jumped down from nowhere. He was far enough above that no one happened to see him, up there. No one's supposed to be able to be up there.
He straightens, from a crouch, on the platform.
"Kaworu Nagisa," he says, voice all dragged through gravel, gutteral-low.
"Have you seen Akane Shinjo's kaiju here."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
When their eyes meet across a distance that would be impossible for humans, Kaworu smiles. He'd told Anti before he'd let him approach him on his own, so that's all he does, but he is genuinely happy to see him out and about and doing--more or less well. He does see the way one of his eyes is covered now. Nidaime had told him he was recovering, but if he's well enough to be taking a morning constitutional, that's even better.
(Yes, Kaworu does consider 'leaping from beam to beam to rooftop to station platform' to be equivalent to a morning constitutional. He'd personally just be a bit more leisurely about it, but Anti's just that sort of kaiju. Full of tension and energy and, ah, youth.)
"I haven't," he replies, as if it's absolutely normal to carry on a conversation with a boy who leaped in seemingly out of nowhere without so much as a hello-how-do-you-do. "I caught a glimpse of it in Tsutsujidai, but it's an elusive one. Even Gridman has been having trouble tracking it."
Maybe not the best idea to bring up Gridman to the kaiju who has sworn himself to killing kaiju, but Kaworu is nothing if not honest--and when last they spoke, he promised he would tell Anti everything if he only asked. He intends to uphold that promise... though he's not sure there's still a need for it at this point.
"Do you intend to destroy it, Anti? Or do you have something else in mind?" Kaworu adds, curious.
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
Anti is a young kaiju. One might describe the way he springs from place to place, in fact, as 'zoomy'. He's learned a lot about stillness and motion during his time at the Mass Villa, surrounded by other cats, and it shows.
The fact that the conversation is so normal does help a lot of the Tokyo residents just accept what happened, because: they have a train to catch, and their own lives, and they can't be worrying about some kid who climbed on the roof or whatever that was. Anti stands, still, as he listens to Kaworu's report. Tsutsujidai...
He frowns, at the mention of Gridman.
"Hrm." He hums, through his lips; his arms draw up, folding tightly across his chest. The approximation has the shape of 'I don't know,' though he doesn't say it in so many words.
"I need to learn more about it. I can't ignore it, either." What he settles on is gruff as anything he says, lips all tugged down in a deep scowl. "Gridman was no use... so, forget it! I'll confront Akane Shinjo myself!"
In the anger point of his words, all incensed by the mention of Gridman, lies an interesting detail:
How does Anti know Gridman was no use?
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Therein lies the fallacy of normalcy: often, things are only 'normal' because they're treated that way, no matter how 'abnormal' they would otherwise be to the majority. But if the humans that surround them are reassured by Kaworu's calm well enough to go about their own business, so much the better for everyone.
For now, Kaworu watches and listens to Anti, both what he says with his words and what he says with his body. Between the two, the answer Kaworu divines is 'I haven't decided yet.' Which is reasonable. It's wise not to take decisive action before you truly understand what you're dealing with.
Of course, then he declares that he'll just confront Akane himself. Kaworu isn't inclined to stop him, but he does wonder, "Oh? Did you speak with Gridman about it?" He pauses in consideration; then adds, "Without attacking him?"
Because that would be a much more interesting detail, in the context of Anti.
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
Anti's scowl grows deeper; his ankles shift, to the side, and the rest of his body follows, half-turned. His hands tighten, at the crooks of his elbows.
"I... called his ally. That Samurai Calibur. But Gridman wouldn't appear, even though there was a kaiju... too far away, he said." His lip curls; there's a sharp impact of air against his teeth, all plosive, pressed there by his tongue.
He scowls, and for long moments, he is silent. Tick, tick. A train comes by, on another platform. The rush of air tugs at his scarf, dances it about him.
When Anti speaks, he speaks without preamble, in the whistling wake of heavy machinery. "I can't transform... not even when Gridman appears. If I'm like this, it's hard for me to fight." Hard, implying not impossible, which says more able Anti's own mindset than anything objective. He feels he should be able to fight, no matter the size of his body, because he is a kaiju, still with a kaiju's pride.
"But I won't give up."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
The Samurai Calibur... Kaworu remembers him. And he was too far away, he said? "Hmmm... Was this in France?" he wonders.
Beyond that, though, he lets Anti be silent. Kaworu is a patient youth, and his hands remain in his pockets as he watches and waits. Eventually, an answer comes. Kaworu considers it. Not even when Gridman appears... What does that mean?
Even so, Anti won't give up. Kaworu smiles as though pleased. "Akane really did make you well," he remarks. "I pray that one day she'll learn to appreciate you as you deserve."
He considers for a few seconds. "You want more information about this latest kaiju of hers, yes? I haven't seen much of it, but I have seen some of its effects, and I spoke with Akane just the other day. I can tell you what I know, if you wish."
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
"Spain." At the same time, Anti files the information away; the kaiju appeared in another European country, too. He was shown a map, at the villa. He learned where everything was.
So, it's moving across the Earth...?
He considers this, but quietly, quietly.
And when Kaworu declares him to be well-made, Anti turns his head to look back to him, the sternness of his expression shallowing to something more stoic, not quite to surprised, though it's stirring in his heart. He still isn't really used to -- praise, even after three months with Leina's positive reinforcement.
"Tell me," he says, sentence open, at length.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Spain... Quite close to France, geologically speaking, but-- "I see." Presumably Akane sent her kaiju to France for Alouette. Why had she sent it to Spain?
Unfortunately, Kaworu is fairly certain he'll find out in due time, whether he does anything or not.
It's fine if Anti says nothing in response to his praise, though. It's clear that it had an effect on him from the shift in his expression, and Kaworu knows such words are not ones he heard often in Akane's dubious care. And anyway, that's not the point of the conversation. The point is sharing information.
"It seems Akane is using this kaiju to, hm... coax? Manipulate? Convince? She's using it to encourage certain people to give up on their personal fights and come live in Tsutsujidai with her. She's already done this to Alouette Pommier, Ouka Nagisa, and Yuka Ohta, and she may have done it also to Renais Cardiff-Shishioh, though she may have gone there unprompted to investigate.
"Because of this focus on wearing away the heart, the kaiju probably has limited combat capabilities. Why fight when you can convince your opponent to give up and join you?" He pauses. "Akane spoke of it as though it was their own decision, independent of anything she'd done. But all three of the persons I mentioned left in strange and unusual circumstances, leaving behind things or people that they would normally never abandon, so it seems unlikely that she didn't have her kaiju do anything to them. I suspect she's doing this because she's lonely and threatened. Bringing erstwhile enemies onto her side both weakens her opponents and gives her more friends, solving both of her issues at once.
"But if their will has truly been altered, this won't last. Inevitably, her kaiju will be found and defeated. When that happens, the 'friends' she made by altering their wills may lose most if not all good will they had for her before." He turns his gaze up towards the sky--towards the PLANT in which Tsutsujidai exists. "...She's digging her grave even deeper, and has taken on even more of Alexis Kerib's malice. I fear she will grind herself to nothing before much longer."
When he looks back at Anti, it's with eyebrows furrowed and lips in a tight line. "I fear for her," he concludes.
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
Anti tenses up again, before long, but perhaps it's no wonder. The things Kaworu tells him...
'Normally, I'd be pretty upset at you saying that. But right now I'm a goddamn mess, and I can't put my attention on Tsutsujidai right now.'
'Tsutsujidai is my problem. Your problems are your own. I won't ask you to do any more, Sayla Mass.'
'...I suppose it is. But when my problems are under control, I want to help you with yours. You're not the only one who wants to mend Akane's heart, remember that.'
They say hindsight is 2020, but Anti's only got the one eye. One eye to widen -- and then narrrow, sharpened like a knife. "I understand," he says, three incisive sounds pouring into each other.
"It wouldn't fight me. I phased through it... I thought it didn't render right." Past tense. Anti scowls.
"Taking on," he echoes. "Understanding." He corrects.
He follows Kaworu's gaze, to the sky, to the PLANT.
"Akane Shinjo... I hear you." Shouting, loud and clear. Anti is a kaiju like Akane, and that means she adapts to new information, too. She is also someone who is learning.
"And you hear me."
His fingers tighten, around the sleeves of a uniform nobody recognises, all flames at their edges, dark, dark blue.
"That's why I won't stop."
It's interesting, really. Anti is a kaiju, who shouldn't have any consideration for other people's thoughts, other people's feelings. Even so, the way he speaks to her -- TO her, as if she's right beside him, rather than Kaworu standing there -- it is so, so clear, the red thread which runs from him to Tsutsujidai's heart.
Anti scowls, and his gaze shifts, sidelong, back to Kaworu. "I don't care what they'll do," he insists, and it sounds so callous, when he makes it sound like a choice. "It's their business. Even if they give up, I'll keep going. Akane Shinjo isn't just fading away."
His feet shift, again, and Anti turns to face Kaworu fully. "I don't care if no one else can see that. I'll reach her!"
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
"I see... Yes, if it has little or no combat capability, the most obvious defense would be an ability to phase in and out of layers of reality," Kaworu muses. "That would explain why Gridman's having so much trouble detecting it. It simply isn't present enough to be more substantially detected."
Like a metaphor for dissociation. As is frequently the case in Tsutsujidai, the metaphor is also the thing itself.
He listens as Anti calls to a girl who could be called hopelessly far away--as Anti calls to her with an undyingly burning hope. And it is interesting. Kaworu already knew about and recognized Anti's sheer devotion to his creator, but he marvels to witness it all over again, blazing like the flame patterns on the edges of his sleeves.
The rest of what he says, he gives a slight, crooked smile to. "I truly admire your faith, Anti," he says wholeheartedly. Akane really does need to appreciate him more. This goes beyond devotion; it's conviction. The force of will to make concept into reality. After the struggle he'd had some time ago talking to Renais in thinking of a solution to the problem that is Akane and Alexis, hearing Anti's straightforward fervor is heartening.
"I want to save Akane, too," he continues. "What would you like me to do to help you?"
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
"So it isn't indecision," Anti frowns. "It's design."
Designed, like Anti. Anti, a creature of faith.
He stops -- he pauses, and blinks, once and once again. "All right," he nods, sharply. "Akane Shinjo is telling everyone what's happening. If they're upset, they should be upset at Alexis Kerib... he's the one who made it work like this."
Tsutsujidai, but not just Tsutsujidai.
"The only way forward is to defeat the kaiju. Only that will demonstrate to Akane Shinjo how this could end. You have to help your friends. They have priorities outside Tsutsujidai. Those people have just forgotten that." And Sayla, he thinks, couldn't forget it all, though he supposes she wasn't consciously aware of everything she was saying. She would have told him, if she knew.
He frowns, his hands sweeping down, to his sides. They are still curled tightly in, fingers latched under thumb. "Even if they feel betrayal, it's demonstrative. It will help her learn. And adapt." Because if someone like Renais can feel betrayed over Akane's actions, what does that, then, say about Akane and Alexis?
"She's still trying to dig herself out. I see that. I want you to see it, too."
But it's still not easy, asking for help, and out here, Anti feels too, too exposed. (Too close to Tsutsujidai.) Perhaps it's no wonder, then, that he turns. "... I'll keep tracking that kaiju." He explains himself, taciturn. "Don't you give up, either."
And with that, he starts away, into the train station.
He jumps over the turnstile.
He never bought a ticket, after all.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Kaworu watches Anti go as he heads into the station. He makes no effort to stop him. Anti has said his piece and gone. Nothing further is needed for now. But what he's said...
"Trying to dig herself out," he echoes to himself as if exploring the words, mulling this concept over and comparing it to the conversation he'd had with Renais two weeks ago. "...hm."
He looks back up just as the next train whistles down the track to signal its approach. "I won't give up, Anti. For both of you."