2022-10-08: Guidance
- Log: Guidance
- Cast: Anti, Sousuke Sagara
- Where: Nouvelle Tokyo
- Date: 2022-10-08
- Summary: Anti seeks guidance from Sousuke. The two -- in their fashion -- recognise their common ground.
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
Anti knows where Sousuke stays. Sayla told him where to get help before he left. He can stay here, too, but not in this room. This room is Sousuke's.
This room, which Anti stands outside, waiting, staring.
How long has he stood here? He is not like to tell. He is good, at waiting.
He is clean, has been fed. Leina made sure he had currency to exchange for food. He's not supposed to eat from the garbage. It's too bad. There were a lot of good things thrown away. But that doesn't matter, now.
Anti stands. Anti waits.
Somewhere, a clock ticks down another hour.
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
Not Terribly Long Ago, Sousuke Sagara was caught in Shenanigans that saw him competing on national TV. Don't worry about secrecy it's All Fine. The Captain said so, because she was also there.
That however meant he was Specifically Somewhere Else for a while! His apartment stands empty. At the advice of the Captain, he didn't even set a trap charge on the door, in case she got home first. But that does mean that Sousuke, with a duffle bag of his essentials, rounds a corner in the button-down shirt and slacks he often wears when nothing else makes a demand of his attire, and finds...Anti.
....not usually the kind of intruder he's expecting. Still, he finds himself achieving the look he'd call a smile, even if it's not the huge grin of other boys his age. "Anti," he says, walking closer. "I thought you were still staying with Dr. Mass and her family. What are you doing here?"
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
Anti is relieved there is no trap charge on the door. He would prefer to not be blown up.
(Not that it would probably stop him; he is a kaiju.)
Anti doesn't smile, but he does recognise Sousuke, turning towards his voice. His feet lift and turn; the rest of him shifts in place, following them. His hands stay beside his body, but his head inclines, in a single nod. "Sousuke Sagara. They told me you were here." Sayla and Leina, contextually.
"Another kaiju appeared. It didn't render properly, so it never attacked. Maybe I'm attracting it, so I can't stay. Since they're hurt." Anti delivers all this information in his typical gravelly monotone; he tries to remember to explain everything. "There has to be something only I can do."
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
Only a few other people even on the list.
Anti's very direct, as usual. It's refreshing, really, especially after a game that rewarded creativity and lying both (two things he is desperately bad at.) Still. It takes Sousuke a moment to parse all that. "Let's go inside," Sousuke says, stepping over to the door.
He checks a few things briefly, searching for signs of forced entry, tampering - checking for the small hair he left on the door to show if it'd been opened. All good. He opens it only after he's satisfied, moving down the brief hallway into the main room. The main room has been cleaned up a good bit since the Captain became a regular visitor - it's no longer essentially a barren room with a table for communications equipment and a TV on a media stand, with a few stray weapons boxes around. It still HAS all that, but it's been cleaned up, put in order, and a few more pieces of furniture put in for decoration and to feel just a bit more like a home than a foxhole.
Sousuke's bed is in a nook off to the right upon entry. He drops his bag on it then turns to the dining table in the middle of the room. He never considered it an essential but the Captain seems pleased with it. "You can sit," He advises Anti, and then sits himself.
Several seconds pass, Sousuke watching Anti closely. The thoughts that might occur to a normal person - snacks or the like - escape him. He says, "Allow me to summarize for my understanding. One of Shinjo's kaiju has appeared in the vicinity of the space you shared with Dr. Mass," he says. "It did nothing physical, but because of the state of Dr. Mass and her family, you chose to find another safehouse in case the kaiju is pursuing you personally. Is that correct?"
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
Anti blinks, once, twice, three times. He's still surprised to be let inside, even now he's been an indoors cat for months. "All right."
He steps inside after Sousuke, after Sousuke has checked everything. He watches, carefully, as he investigates. He is always, always learning.
Anti doesn't know that the box of guns is strange for a home. He hasn't been in many homes, but Akane's home was very, very different to Sayla's. He thinks they must all be different to each other.
Once Sousuke tells him to sit, Anti sits, because he's a good boy who follows instructions in someone else's house. He tucks his ankles underneath his chair.
He does not think to ask for snacks or water.
Finally, in the wake of Sousuke's summary: "Yes."
Several further seconds pass.
"I tried to attack it, but I phased through it. So, it hadn't rendered properly." That's how Anti can understand such a thing, anyway. "It moved away from Sayla Mass's location for a short time, and disappeared. It left footprints. That's all."
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
'Rendering' is a term Sousuke vaguely knows from Mao venting about CAD programs, but he attempts to just accept its apparent meaning. Kaiju are...strange, in ways Sousuke has trouble accepting. But they have their rules, and Sousuke is good at identifying rules as they come upon him.
Still. "You phased through it, but it left footprints...and vanished." These three things don't form a picture. "There's a discrepancy there. Something changed in it, then?"
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
Anti doesn't think it's a particularly strange phrase. Anti is a particularly strange existence.
He blinks, as Sousuke points out the parts which don't fit. "That's right. I think... it wanted to appear. Or maybe Akane Shinjo decided not to attack. If she's retreating..." If she's retreating, she might not be able to steel her resolve.
"It isn't like her to back off. Something's changed. I can't see it any more, but I know." Anti frowns, more deeply, an underlining to his usual stern expression.
"She needs help, but she can't ask. It's hard. It was made to be hard."
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
Sousuke knows Akane Shinjo entirely through his relationship with Anti. Frankly: Not impressed. Still...
He tips his gaze down to the table - clean, bright wood. Mardukas gets mad if it's scuffed when he comes by, so Sousuke cleans it often. He cups his chin in his fingers. "Either Akane Shinjo began an attack, but aborted...or the kaiju began an attack, and Akane Shinjo ordered it to refrain," he says, assessing Anti's own assessment. "The first would be a drastic show of weakness and uncertainty. The other would indicate a very specific strategic agenda."
"My knowledge of her suggests she is a woman who does not, in general, retreat once committed," Sousuke says. "It seems most likely to me this behavior suggests she is doing something particular that a rampage would disrupt."
Then, Anti says something Sousuke...feels is out of his depth. "I see," he murmurs. Sousuke understands such things strictly anecdotally - men and women with unhappy marriages, staying with people it seemed for all the world like they hate. He's reminded of his difficulties speaking with Emilia, the other day, and finds his hand scratching at his jaw uncomfortably. "Then the long-term objective is rescue," he summarizes, attempting to compress the problem into a box he knows.
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
Anti doesn't think it's a particularly strange phrase. Anti is a particularly strange existence.
He blinks, as Sousuke points out the parts which don't fit. "That's right. I think... it wanted to appear. Or maybe Akane Shinjo decided not to attack. If she's retreating..." If she's retreating, she might not be able to steel her resolve.
"It isn't like her to back off. Something's changed. I can't see it any more, but I know." Anti frowns, more deeply, an underlining to his usual stern expression.
"She needs help, but she can't ask. It's hard. It was made to be hard."
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
Sousuke knows Akane Shinjo entirely through his relationship with Anti. Frankly: Not impressed. Still...
He tips his gaze down to the table - clean, bright wood. Mardukas gets mad if it's scuffed when he comes by, so Sousuke cleans it often. He cups his chin in his fingers. "Either Akane Shinjo began an attack, but aborted...or the kaiju began an attack, and Akane Shinjo ordered it to refrain," he says, assessing Anti's own assessment. "The first would be a drastic show of weakness and uncertainty. The other would indicate a very specific strategic agenda."
"My knowledge of her suggests she is a woman who does not, in general, retreat once committed," Sousuke says. "It seems most likely to me this behavior suggests she is doing something particular that a rampage would disrupt."
Then, Anti says something Sousuke...feels is out of his depth. "I see," he murmurs. Sousuke understands such things strictly anecdotally - men and women with unhappy marriages, staying with people it seemed for all the world like they hate. He's reminded of his difficulties speaking with Emilia, the other day, and finds his hand scratching at his jaw uncomfortably. "Then the long-term objective is rescue," he summarizes, attempting to compress the problem into a box he knows.
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
"Something particular," Anti echoes, and frowns. Does Akane have a plan? What is she up to..?
He nods, once, when Sousuke comes to the conclusion he can. "That's right. I won't give up on her."
He realises that his hands have balled in his lap. He sees no reason to change his stance.
"... if the kaiju attacked against Akane's wishes, it's thinking for itself. A kaiju who thinks... like me." Anti's voice slows, as he connects those facts together. "There's nothing stopping her from trying again." He says it so matter-of-factly, but his head tilts forward, and his bangs scatter across his eyes.
It's difficult to see them, from this angle.
Would Akane just replace him..?
Use the lessons she learned from him to perfect her approach...?
... Anti is a kaiju like Akane, so he thinks it's entirely likely.
"Sousuke Sagara," Anti says, at length, fingers tightening. "How do you rescue someone?" He speaks as if Sousuke knows, because Sousuke rescued him, after all.
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
Sousuke hums. Something about Anti's response sounds like a miscommunication. He thinks he spots it. "I was under the impression a common issue with kaiju control was unplanned rampages," he murmurs. "Apologies, if that's wrong. I'm more of a specialist in mechanical weaponry."
Granted, 'unplanned rampages' sure does describe 80% of Anti's activities to date.
He watches Anti process something. They've done this before. Both of them have changed, since then, though maybe only one has realized how much. He considers the question closely. It deserves an answer broken down thoroughly.
"At the basic level," he says, after a moment, "by ensuring they are physically removed to a location you know they will not be harmed. Then comes the logistical part; food, shelter, water."
"...I'm told after that one begins emotional and psychological recovery. I do not know much about that part."
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
"They're planned. Just not announced." This is an important distinction, in Anti's mind.
(Anti always has a plan in mind for his rampages! The plan is to kill Gridman! It's a great plan, you'll see, he just has to try it again ten more times.)
Behind his bangs, all reduced to shadows, Anti considers the logistics. Physical removal... food and shelter...
'What I meant is are you feeling bad today?'
... emotional recovery.
"Yes. ... but if I brought Akane Shinjo to Sayla Mass, she'd just run away." Anti concludes, a shade morose. "I could have, too. But I didn't have anywhere to go. She thinks she can go to Alexis Kerib. She thinks she is safe there."
Anti doesn't look up.
"I trusted him, too. Even though I knew he couldn't be trusted. He was in charge... but there was a lot he didn't tell us. If it's not useful, he doesn't tell us." It might be sad, the way Alexis winnows the existence of his charges down to what serves his purposes, the way he constantly directs them back to the problems he needs solved. Anti doesn't relate it with any particular sadness. It's just a fact.
And so is this: "But I still needed to know those things. You told me things I needed to know to survive. And keep going. It was... important. It is important."
Even if Sousuke doesn't know about the next steps, there's a lot, in Anti's eyes, he does know.
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
It takes Sousuke a moment to process this directional turn. That wasn't quite what he expects from Anti. It's more than he usually speaks, sure, but more than that, it was...
...that was the kind of thing you say to someone to comfort them, when they express weakness, he realizes, dully. ...Anti really is changing. His lips tug up, just a little. "I'm glad it helped," he says. "I may have been reminded of the person I was, many years ago. And you seem to be learning quite fast from there."
... "But that is another step of rescue. If they'll simply walk out the door again, you must make a decision. If you believe their judgment is impaired, there is an ethical school that feels you may restrain them, while you attempt to repair their thoughts. But that is...contentious. And if not, then before you can do anything else, you must convince them to believe you are safer for them than their captor."
Sousuke folds his hands. "The places I was raised were violent," he says, distantly. "People trusted one another only on the understanding that that trust could end at any moment. I don't make good decisions, when it comes to issues like this."
His eyes cut back up to Anti, steel gray firming. "But, if anything I have or know can help you, I will do everything I can."
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
The person Sousuke was... does that mean, Anti wonders, he'll become a person like Sousuke if he keeps going?
He tilts his head, to look at Sousuke through the side of his bangs; the angle lends a little more detail to his thoughtful scowl, his intense eyes. Eye, singular, given the other is still covered by a patch. It's at least a clean and appropriate patch, now; he was staying with a doctor for quite some time, back there.
"If I restrained Akane Shinjo and repaired her thoughts, I'd be the same as Alexis Kerib," Anti concludes, at length. "And I am. In some ways. Because that is the salvation Akane Shinjo could imagine." Is it bitter, to admit? He doesn't say it with much bitterness. "But... not this way."
He straightens, with a puff of breath. "So, I have to convince her... if she'll listen to me." The lingering edge of the sentence leaves much to be desired.
He's already tried to reach her, once and once again. It almost killed him.
Anti pauses, for long moments, again.
"I wasn't raised. I was always like this. But she was only happy with me when I succeeded. If I let her down, she didn't hide her frustration. It's not the same, but since it wasn't consistent, maybe that's why you're reminded. I don't... feel that my decisions are good, either." Anti thinks -- and does not say -- just why he has that impression.
Akane was always telling him he was making bad decisions, after all. He was a screw-up, he was wrong, he was making things worse and giving her a headache. He wasn't good enough.
"But... it's good you're here. If you survived... since you can rescue people, that must mean I can do it, if I keep going." And here, in his frank analysis, it may be clear that Anti's thoughts aren't unnerved -- but aspirational.
He looks up to Sousuke.
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
Sousuke doesn't know who Anti will become. These days he's not sure who he became, and hasn't realized he is still becoming someone yet newer.
"That makes sense," Sousuke says, with a nod, to Anti's logic. "Sometimes, one can only choose their path through the lens of who they choose to be."
It sounds more philosophical than someone like Sousuke might be, but the fact is he works for Mithril, an organization that touts itself as an army of justice. Sousuke doesn't particularly know what justice is. And there are shadows in its corners, skeletons in its closet...but he trusts his Captain, and the people she selects, to be working to be people, to be an organization, worth becoming.
He nods, to Anti's thoughts on their similarity. "That sounds right," he says. "There's much to learn, out here. Away from that. I'm finding it's worth learning."
Sousuke looks up to Anti in turn, and nods. "You can," he says.
Mira Kudan. He remembers her name, her face - ghastly pale, barely clothed in the snow, wreathed in scarlet hair. Chewing on her thumb because the pain was proof the world hadn't simply fallen away around her. She was afraid, when he took her away. But he was able to make her understand that she did not need to be.
He remembers that night often, to remind himself of the human costs in ways even he can understand.
His hands curl, unconsciously. "You can," he repeats.
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
Who he chooses to be...
Who chooses?
Anti is philosophy; that he is so plain about it shouldn't distract from the fact. "It's always worth learning," he says, in demonstration.
He tilts his head, just so, as he regards Sousuke. Something feels different. Why is he tensing up? He wonders.
"Sousuke Sagara," Anti starts.
And says nothing, for long moments.
"Have you eaten?" He asks, finally, because it can't rain inside.
Starting with those three needs is something, even if he doesn't understand how to ask him if it's a bad day.
<Pose Tracker> Sousuke Sagara has posed.
Sousuke doesn't entirely notice it in himself. But Anti sees it clear. It's always worth learning. "Yes," Sousuke agrees. "It's crucial."
But more than that. Anti begins. And then concludes.
Sousuke scratches his cheek. "You know," he says, and actually chuckles. "I haven't." He moves to stand. "I have some provisions stocked." With the Captain around, he has to. "I should still have that sausage..."
Which is to say, an entire deli salami that it turns out he cuts with a pocket knife at the table. Also, a box of calorie marks, because obviously.
<Pose Tracker> Anti has posed.
And Anti, naturally, stares at the salami until he gets some. He never ASKS for any. He just sits, and stares, ever patient, ever watchful.
Anti has been learning how to be a better cat from actual cats for three months, now. Which is to say:
It's a good thing Sousuke has an entire deli salami.