2022-06-11: The Price of Love
- Log: 2022-06-11: The Price of Love
- Cast: Kaworu Nagisa, Yuta Hibiki
- Where: Tsutsujidai, Free Japan
- OOC - IC Date: June 11, 0096 (2022)
- Summary: Yuta and Kaworu discuss some important matters.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
A text reaches Yuta Hibiki around noon on June 11th, shortly before lunch period ends. It comes from Kaworu, and reads: 'I'd like to discuss important matters regarding the defense of Tsutsujidai with you. May we speak in private sometime soon, perhaps at Rikka's family store? Otherwise, perhaps we could step out into Nouvelle Tokyo.'
(Kaworu isn't really about casual texting.)
Where exactly they meet is up to Yuta. Junk of course means an opportunity to have Gridman there too; Nouvelle Tokyo is likelier to have actual privacy from a certain Devil. The time is up to Yuta, too, though by later on in the afternoon the same day, Kaworu will be leaving regardless; he does need to return to Tokyo-3, now that he's spent a little time away after a certain unpleasant event.
That being said, whether Yuta catches up with him then or calls him over, Kaworu will arrive when and where he likes. Indeed, he approaches with his usual school outfit on, an easygoing smile on his lips, and his hands tucked into his pockets.
"Hey. It's good to see you again, Hibiki-senpai," he greets him--a reminder that Kaworu has "transferred" into Tsutsujidai High as of last April. ("Transferred," because he's still also attending Tokyo-3 Municipal Middle School.) "Thank you for agreeing to speak with me."
Once it's clear that they are indeed alone, his smile fades into something more serious. "I'll get right to the point. I spoke with Anocillus II the other day, and she indicated that Gridman possesses a power called 'Fixer Beam'--something that can cleanse a being of dark and venomous emotion. Is that accurate?"
<Pose Tracker> Yuta Hibiki has posed.
Two days after the incident involving Betterman, Yuta has a talk with the Neon Genesis Junior Highschoolers. Borr, Vit, Calibur and Max all sit in his room with him. Saturdays were not mandatory schooldays and so, besides the highly academically minded or those with club activities, most students would opt to relax and maybe take care of their homework. Yuta took the opportunity to have a serious conversation with Gridman's allies.
" .. - I hate it. That you all hide so much from me."
" ... " Calibur remains quiet. Even Borr seems to be uncharacteristically gourmy. "Am I untrustworthy? I know I'm not very reliable .. so I understand if that's the case, but - "
"God, you're dumb." Borr groans, "Eh..?"
" .. what Borr is trying to say, Yuta, is that it's not as if we distrust you, or resent you for your shortcomings." Max adds, gently. " .. we may have omitted many things, but, it's never been from a place of derision."
"Right, right...~fuu..." Vit yawns, stopping to spread out on Yuta's bed. " - well, sometimes it's better not to say anything, you know. We do care about you, and that's why we won't say anything, sometimes. You are still a teenager. You should be allowed to grow and develop."
"T-that's.."
"..though..maybe we've sometimes babied you too much, too..and because of that you've felt like you've not grown at all, right?" Calibur murmurs. "..yeah. Like back when that boy attacked me .. I felt like I was just a decoration in the background, despite it being my life on the line. I know that's petty, but .."
"no, you're right. although we didn't mean to, we did wind up belittling you that way.." Calibur apologizes. "Yeah, we didn't mean to do that. We're sorry." adds Borr.
Vit kicks one leg off the side of the bed, rolling over, "Well, I won't promise to be totally transparent, but, I'll try not to leave you with the short end of the stick so much. Deal?"
"...okay, as long as I'm in the loop." Yuta agrees.
" - oh? It looks like Nagisa has something important to talk to me about.."
"That so? ... well .. I guess you should go ahead then." Borr encourages. "..really?"
Max nods, "Yes. Given what we just talked about, it only makes sense to show how much we believe in you by letting you handle this, no?"
"..alright. I'll do my best, then." Yuta says with a smile.
He winds up convening with Kaworu at the train station later in the afternoon. The same place I talked with Nidaime.. he realizes, after a moment. "Oh, erm..it's still a little weird for you to be calling me 'senpai'..you can just call me Hibiki, or Yuta even."
It still was hard to believe they were technically classmates. That Kaworu attended two schools and thus was a rare sight at Tsutsujidai probably had something to do with that.
Some of the girls had taken to calling him 'the phantom ikemen', even - Yuta inwardly wonders how long that rumor would take to spiral out of control.
" .. so you spoke to her, huh." Yuta mumbles, before thoughtfully tilting his head in confusion. "Fixer...beam? I - don't know. It's possible. It's probably true if she said it, but, I don't know about a power like that. Though, to begin with, Gridman never really told me 'how' to use any of his power, it's just something that kind of..happens, I guess. Like a flash of intuition."
Though, I wonder why she never mentioned it to me? Or .. maybe she thinks that I already know about it. I'll have to ask Gridman, later.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Kaworu of course isn't privy to that conversation Yuta has with the Neon Genesis Junior High Students, but they *were* part of the conversation he had with Nidaime. They were, to a lesser extent, part of a conversation he had earlier in the day with Rikka, too. But... well, if Kaworu were to converse with them at length, he'd agree with them about having to hide things on occasion. It isn't because you look down on those you're hiding them from; sometimes, that information simply needs to stay hidden until the time is ready for it to be known.
Aside from being the mysterious sort, Kaworu is also all about patience. ...Though to some extent, Akane had to remind him recently about how some things simply need to come into season in their own time. But that's separate from this conversation.
As is the matter of his being the 'phantom ikemen.' He's at least met Ako in a more decisive way, she being the one who showed him around school in the first place. Other girls around school, though... Honestly, it's not a bad nickname. Especially since he tends to play piano beautifully in the music room... Given that music rooms tend to be a focus of ghost stories in Japanese high schools, it probably only adds to his 'phantom' mystique.
Regardless, it comes to pass that they meet at the train station. People flow around them, paying them no heed, as trains come and go. Theirs is a minute or so away, and as they greet each other, Kaworu turns towards the platform where it's supposed to roll in. "Yuta, then," he agrees affably. "I didn't want to be disrespectful." He laughs, a low sort of chuckle, and adds, "Though it does feel a little strange for me to call anyone 'senpai,' too."
A chime trills as a train comes to a stop before them. People flow out; Kaworu steps in, turning once he's inside to face Yuta properly. He asks his question, and Yuta gives his answer. Kaworu nods slowly, considering it. "She has that power--or rather, her father does. I've seen him use it, once," he replies. "But... I see... Gridman's power comes to you in 'a flash of intuition'..."
He falls silent for a moment, turning his head to look out the window. The train begins to move, and the scenery passes with growing speed. After a moment, he looks back at the redhead.
"Forgive me, Yuta. I suppose it would be too convenient for you to use a power like that right away," he apologizes. "The reason why I bring it up is because of Alexis Kerib."
He stops then and watches Yuta for his reaction to the name.
<Pose Tracker> Yuta Hibiki has posed.
"Yes," Yuta affirms, "Something like that. I guess you could say it's a sensation like remembering how to ride a bike - I'm not really sure why or how it happens."
Whether it was learning a new finishing move, the basics of hand to hand fighting, or even how to combine with the Assist Weapons, it was always something he just spontaneously figured out how to do in the situations he most needed to have those skills. I've thought that it might be because I inhabit Gridman's body when I use the Primal Acceptor, but..
Yuta, without thinking about it, rubs his injured shoulder. Rikka had been attentive and thorough in helping him sew it back up after the sitches in it tore in the fight with Betterman. That can't be true, can it? Because my injuries transferred to Gridman that day..
Yuta realizes he'd zoned out, "Er, sorry.."
"If I could use that power already, it would be great. I wish I could."
Kaworu mentioning that name invokes a minor headache. "Alexis-Kerib .. " he says, his hand moving to press against his aching forehead. For a Japanese train especially, their cabin was sparsely populated, and that gave him enough room in spades to shift over to a nearby seat from having been standing by a hand-hold. " .. that's the being behind the troubles here." If he spoke to Nidaime, I wonder if she told him about everything?
"If you know that much, then you also know the truth of this world and its 'god', yes?"
"... for whatever reason, he wants Tsutsujidai to continue on its current path. But Fixer Beam or no, I won't let him have his way."
Yuta allows his hand to fall to his lap and smiles, just a little, so that the edges of his eyes and lips crinkle. "If I can make my voice reach Akane, then the future will change. That's what I believe."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Well--the Fixer Breath and Fixer Beam... they're sort of Gridman's and dad's secret weapons! My dad's pretty old though so I'm hoping that Gridman wakes up.
The thing is, Gridman--for some reason he became five people when coming to Tsutsujidai.
I guess you could say it's a sensation like remembering how to ride a bike - I'm not really sure why or how it happens.
He's completely forgotten he's Gridman. His name is Yuta Hibiki. I...don't think you should tell him that he's Gridman. I think it'd be a little mean.
Kaworu shuts his eyes and smiles a faint, crooked smile. "I see," he muses. "Yes, it really was too much to expect right away." He regards Yuta anew with somber eyes, unfazed by the redhead's own space-out moment. "Based on what Anocillus II told me, I believe you should be able to awaken to that power eventually. But I won't push you. I know that some things, one needs to awaken to in one's own time."
Yuta's reaction is indeed telling. He rubs his head, takes a seat, and admits he knows quite a bit about the true nature of things going on. Kaworu nods slowly, moving a few steps over to be able to face Yuta head-on, though he remains standing.
"Yes," he replies simply.
Yuta makes his will known. And Kaworu... smiles, deep and warm. "I believe so, too. That's why I want to help you. I want to help you save Shinjo-san from him. ...I want to stop him from hurting anyone else." He pauses; then he steps over to sit next to Yuta, if a seat over. He leans over and crisscrosses his fingers together, elbows on his knees. "You see... Alexis Kerib wasn't always this way. A long time ago, he was a good man who believed passionately in justice. But... time passed. And now he is this." He looks over at Yuta, expression pinched. "I'd hoped that you--that Gridman would be able to restore who he once was with Fixer Beam... but if that's not possible, I won't hold you responsible for that. Something must be done about him either way."
He sits up straight, slipping his hands back into his pockets, but his head remains bowed. "I promised Shinjo-san that I would keep her secrets. Her heart is fragile... I don't want NERV to invade and tear it apart. But at the same time, Shinji and the others have been trying to investigate and learn more about what's going on in Tsutsujidai. There are others, too, who wish to defeat Alexis Kerib and put a stop to his evil, including Renais Cardiff-Shishioh and her cousin, Guy Shishioh. If you already know about 'God' and the 'Devil,' then it may be time to tell them everything."
Kaworu looks over at Yuta, red eyes seeking out blue. "I'll leave who and what to tell to you. This is your battle; I believe it's your right to decide. But... if it's all right with you... may I pass your name on to Acting Chief Shishioh, as an ally to contact in the pursuit of 'that man'?"
<Pose Tracker> Yuta Hibiki has posed.
The repetitive thrum of the cabins attached to the front of the express reverberates headily, forming an almost uniform rhythm as the two speak. "I've been worrying about that.." Yuta admits, in regards to NERV. "I like them - Ayanami, Shikinami, and Ikari;" Yuta starts, having never actually met Mari Illustreous in person, "and I'm sure NERV is doing its best as it can. But, even so .. I can't help but feel that if things are allowed to escalate to that point."
Tsutsujidai is a reflection of Akane's heart. It's like a mirage on the water, is how he was able to comprehend the idea of it - and it is a matter of course that not only this place that he loved, but the people he cared for that resided in it would be destroyed in that case. It goes without saying that Akane, also, would be well past the point of saving.
More than ever, Yuta feels the weight of father time pressing down on his shoulders. Burdening his back. It was so, so, so heavy.
"Guy Shishioh, I remember fighting with him once. I've heard a lot of things about him .. if you'd like to point him and his my way, I don't mind." Yuta affirms, hunkering forward slightly to rest his elbows on his knees, hands clasped loosely.
"Akane, she's ... the kind of person who isn't very fair." he says, tentatively, furrowing his brow. "Yes, she's very unfair. She's the sort of person who will tease you lots, but hates being teased. She'll happily feed you her entire pantry but balks at the idea of eating anything. She'll reach out to touch you, but hates being touched back. Akane's that sort of immensely frustrating person."
Yuta twiddles his thumbs, " .. she's very afraid. Someone like that isn't an enemy."
"Rather, this isn't a problem I'd be satisfied solving with violence." he says, remembering his conversation with Betterman Lamia.
Thinking of Rikka, and how she'd been feeling about Tsutsujidai's lot lately, her determination, and what she'd say if he decided to beat Akane down with Gridman's strength, it hurt.
The disappointment would hurt him just as much as having to hurt Akane would have hurt him.
And he knew that it would hurt her, too. He wondered if Sho would be able to stomach looking at him in that case.
"The price of love is steep, isn't it?"
Yuta is quiet for several moments. "You mentioned that Alexis-Kerib was once someone different than he is now, that is, someone who valued justice .. - I wonder why it is that he became this way? Is that the nature of time passing?"
"If I could get old enough, would I also become like that? Is that how Gridman will be, eventually?"
" ... sorry, that was a weird question. Don't worry about it. I'm not sure why it bothers me - it's not like I can grow that old, anyway. And I'm sure Gridman won't become like that."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
"NERV is doing its best, but... at its core, it is not a forgiving organization. They are used to fighting an enemy that cannot be reasoned with. The presence of GGG and STORAGE as branch organizations has softened its hard edges somewhat, but..." Kaworu trails off, shaking his head. "That's another reason why I've kept my silence. This isn't a problem that can be solved simply by quelling a violent kaiju. It's far more nuanced than that. Living hearts are at stake."
His smile returns, though, as Yuta agrees to contact with Guy. "Yes. He's a good man--a kind one. I'm certain you'll both be very helpful to one another. I'll give it a little time first, though--so you can be ready."
And that's that... at least on that subject. The topic of Akane bears more discussion, however. As Yuta speaks his mind on her, Kaworu listens. By the end, his eyes have widened slightly. Is that... unfair? he wonders silently. He bows his head for a moment; however, he doesn't interrupt, and returns his gaze to the other boy.
The price of love is steep, isn't it?
"...Yes. It is." He pauses a heartbeat. "But it's a price worth paying."
He lifts his gaze to the ceiling of the train car, expression as thoughtful as it is distant. During that time, Yuta keeps his own silence. Only the clack-clack, clack-clack of the train wheels as it passes through the city sound around them.
But Yuta speaks again--this time to wonder about Alexis, what made him into what he is now. Kaworu glances over at him, unsmiling. "...No need to apologize. You feel instinctively that it's important, don't you? That they're questions in need of answers." He turns his gaze forward, out the window. "I don't know for certain why he changed. I have my guesses. But I wasn't there." He pauses. "...There is something to what you say about the passage of time. To one who is eternal, it piles up like snow, continuously, until it is a glacier, slow but implacable, capable of scarring the face of the earth itself. But that alone isn't enough, I think. I think... he must be lonely. He lost someone dear to him. And...
"He can never have them back."
To say it aloud, in this context, feels like a revelation. If Kaworu lost Shinji--if he had never written his name in the Book of Life, to ensure that they would meet again--would his heart be as level as it is now? Or would it have twisted with darkness as Alexis's had? Even with Shinji, the accumulation of parallel worlds eventually brought Kaworu agony, until he resolved to test his own feelings by carrying out his mission... If this were that timeline--if he were on the path to ending this world--would Yuta and the others be saying much the same about him now?
...Was Gridman on the verge of that himself? Is that why he split into five--to allow his soul to rejuvenate as new persons?
Impossible to know. Kaworu can only speculate. All the same, he turns a reassuring smile over to Yuta. "As long as you keep love and kindness in your heart, you'll be fine. That's the feeling I have," he tells him.
<Pose Tracker> Yuta Hibiki has posed.
He's lonely? Yuta wonders, considering Kaworu's wisdom while watching how his face troubles itself. Idly, Yuta realized that there was a great similarity between Rei and he - such that with a haircut, they could probably be considered siblings. Not just because of their albinism. The structure of their faces and bodies are very close too. .. though that's kind of a weird thing to notice. No, I understand. I don't want to hear what he's saying, so I'm thinking about other things. ... if I don't listen, it's easy to ignore truths that make me hesitate.
- it was bluntly easier to declare Alexis-Kerib an enemy who had to be stopped so long as he remained an enigma in his mind. But some part of him said, That kind of thinking is dangerous. By distancing your heart from your actions, you lose sight of yourself and what it is you stand for.
And that part of him was correct in its assertion. You feel instinctively that it's important, don't you? That they're questions in need of answers.
It was very important. To finding peace within himself - and an understanding with Gridman. To temper his resolve.
If he doubted himself, or held doubts about his foe, that kind of half-hearted willpower would crumple like wet paper before Alexis-Kerib. That's what he felt to be true.
Yuta tries to picture how he'd live without the people in his life - without Borr, Calibur, Vit, Max, Sho, Orie, Shinji, Sayla, Kaworu, Rei, Asuka, Sousuke, Nidaime, Haruki, Riku - .. Rikka, Akane ..
Without his friends, his classmates, his fellow battlefield comrades. Of course, the gaps he could imagine in his heart varied in size and depth depending on who he was imagining having lost. And some of them especially, they were so deep, he couldn't fathom how it would heal. Rather, he could only imagine it getting larger, widening in his chest as it seeped and rotted.
Somehow, it reminded him of something. Not just grief, but also - Regret.
For a being that was so much more long-lived than humans, a wound upon the heart like that, it would eventually grow to gape so widely that the heart falls into the void, wouldn't it?
" ... that kind of thing - is also the only conclusion to the path Akane is on now." he realizes.
"Despair, the ultimate 'game over'."
Yuta straightens in his chair, pushing with his elbows to raise, "Thanks. That means a lot to me...as long as I remember the feelings that have been poured into me by others and hold them dear, I won't lose track of why I'm fighting, and what I ne...ed..to do...."
Yuta becomes drowsy. Without Nidaime's music to protect him, even his willpower falters before the powerful soporific effect of reality contorting around their train.
Within moments, he's already slumping in a lulled slumber that'll last until they reach Nouvelle Tokyo.
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Regret... Yes. The wish that the past could be different. Perhaps for Kaworu, what differentiates him from Alexis is that he will always have the chance to start over. No matter how badly things go awry... no matter how far his path strays from Shinji's... they will always meet again. In that, at least, he can have hope.
So as he watches Yuta mull over his words, as he listens to him come to his own conclusions, he simply nods. "All beings need hope," he says softly. "Even gods... and even devils."
His smile widens as Yuta continues. It doesn't abate as the youth's eyelids flutter shut and he slumps back into his seat, asleep. Kaworu himself doesn't bat an eyelash--but he does settle in his own seat as the car makes its way to Nouvelle Tokyo, crossing his legs as he resumes waiting.
"You're welcome," he murmurs, "Gridman."