2024-09-10: To Fill an Empty Glass
- Log: 2024-09-10 To Fill an Empty Glass
- Cast: Shinji Ikari, Lucine Azul
- Where: Lucine's apartment in Orb
- OOC - IC Date: September 10, UC 0099 (2024)
- Summary: While running errands in Orb, Shinji runs into Lucine. Both of them are troubled by secrets--ones kept from them, and ones they can't share.
<Pose Tracker> Shinji Ikari has posed.
It doesn't feel right or real to Shinji that there was another colony drop just a week and a half ago. Not because it was really all that unlikely that another one would happen again--isn't that what the Federation got all excited over the Evangelions about, back when there still was a Federation?--but because Shinji watched it all happen live. It doesn't feel like something you can just watch. It doesn't feel like something you should watch. And granted that it turned out better than it could have, but...
It just doesn't feel right to Shinji that so many people are dead, and here he is, running a delivery to someone in Orb on Eight's behalf like usual. The only real difference is the scooter, with him having gotten his license a few months ago after he turned eighteen in June, but even that's fundamentally mundane. It doesn't feel right that life should just... go on.
And yet, it does go on. Just like the scooter he drives to deliver a package to the right address. A lot of people are shaken up about the drop of Junius 7--it's a hot topic everywhere--but they too go about their daily lives, because you don't stop needing to eat just because several cities were flattened.
He accepts the signature from the person he's delivering to confirming that they received it. He bows to them politely, expression sober. Then he heads back to his scooter parked at the sidewalk, his brimmed cap keeping the sun out of his eyes. He sits, but he doesn't yet drive. He folds his hands and stares into space.
One of the things he saw on that live transmission was--well, a lot of his friends, from back when he was a pilot. But in particular one of the Evangelions. It didn't go as well as it did with Sahaquiel, and yet...
<Pose Tracker> Lucine Azul has posed.
Again and again, Lucine flashes back to her days on Mars, and how the reactions were similar, as well as different, to Earth's own. The things she had harshly judged her own planet for now seem to be a symptom of human nature, rather than a reflection on Alba City's need to generate some illusion of life continuing on as normal.
Now she realizes it was a necessity. What she bore as a Newtype was just a reflection of what so many have had to face, especially those who have ties to the areas that were impacted. She took on too much, and her body blacked out. Her mind squirreled it away, and here she is now, with barely anything to show for it, while there are those who look dazed upon the wreckage, struggling with the emotional weight suddenly thrust upon them. Of course they'd need some group to blame, or something to focus on, in the hopes that all of this could be stopped from happening again.
Meanwhile, one of the true culprits is still out there, on top of being responsible for the attacks on Mars, and, for some reason, no one is allowed to mention them. Why is that?!
.... oh, the turn to the convenience store was.... over there.
Lucine realizes this, several blocks later, staring at the blinking signal to cross the street. A office lady accidentally bumps into her as Lucine stands in her daze; the two share a quick nod of apology, with Lucine feeling she's the one who's actually more at fault.
And so, she just crosses the street, going yet a little further from her original destination. And keeps walking.
It feels good to walk, she decides. She's dressed for it, in her pale denim shorts, walking sandals, and pink blouse.
Which leads to.... now.
Given the scope of the event, Lucine's Dianthus, while several times her own height, was mere dot of color at best on any footage that happened to catch the part she was on.
The pilot would seem even further from that event, as she walks within range of Shinji and, looking up at the familiar note on her mental radar, changes course towards him. It would be good to see Shinji, and see how he's doing.
Coming up to him with a wave, Lucine calls out his name softly, not wanting to startle him.
It's been a common thing, to find people staring into space, nowadays. "How are you doing?"
<Pose Tracker> Shinji Ikari has posed.
Lucine's care pays off; instead of startling Shinji, he comes back to Earth with a blink and a half-turn towards the sound of his name.
"Oh, Lucine. It's been a while," he says, managing a faint smile. It doesn't last very long, but it did make an appearance. He's not dressed as heavily as he usually is--no hoodie, but a T-shirt, jeans and sneakers. It's a very basic look, but Shinji never was big on fashion.
"I could be worse, I guess," he replies. Horrible things have happened across the world, but no one he knows personally died or even was significantly hurt. Tokyo-3 was successfully defended, and all the Evangelion pilots came back home safely, including Kaworu, who was actually there to help deal with the fall of Junius 7. It's... something.
"Um, how about you?" he asks.
<Pose Tracker> Lucine Azul has posed.
As Shinji turns, Lucine tilts her head and smiles softly, raising a hand in a relaxed half wave. ".... It has. Last I remember it was..." When they were in front of the dormant(?) Meteora. She decides not to finish that sentence, instead moving onto the next. "Are you on errands for Eight?" Perhaps she shouldn't be so casual with Eight's name; despite knowing some parts of her more civilian side, Eight still commands an entire ship.
But they're here, on Earth, Lucine decides, and doesn't correct herself just yet. "... That's good to hear. Is everything okay at..." She stops herself. Shinji wouldn't necessarily know about how the insides of NERV were like, nor should he have to know. ".... with where you're at."
That seems more general. That can give Shinji the decision on what to volunteer.
How is she?
"Managing," Lucine says, truthfully, though doesn't go further. "I can't remember, have you seen my and Liam's place yet? Liam's not in right now, but if you have time... I'd love to show you it."
In truth, she just wants to mask out the quiet. And, perhaps, Shinji may too. That, or a place to talk.
.... Wait, was she going to pick up some meals from the convenience store? Ah well.
<Pose Tracker> Shinji Ikari has posed.
The last time wasn't much better either, was it? It was still checking in on Chloe on the anniversary of Coco's death. Shinji doesn't blame Lucine for not finishing that thought. He just makes a soft "mm" sound and lets it drop.
"Yes," he says instead, of errands for Eight. "I just finished up, though." So he has nowhere to be, at least not anytime soon--thus why he stopped for a while to stare into space.
Lucine pauses in the middle of asking him about where he's at, and Shinji blinks at her. "You mean the Ra Mari II? It's fine. The people there are nice, and Ms. Eight takes good care of us." Me, he almost says, but it makes him feel like a child. The Ra Mari II had been there helping protect the Earth too, but... Shinji hadn't been there. He'd been looking after Zaress and Aarmi.
"Oh--I don't think so," Shinji says, of Lucine's place. He knew she and Liam were getting a place, but he's not sure he knew where it was. No wonder Lucine's here, if she lives nearby. He hadn't thought about that until literally this moment.
"Yeah, sure. I've been over to see Rena and Anita's place, but I don't think I've seen yours. If it's okay with you, I'd like to pay a visit," he replies.
<Pose Tracker> Lucine Azul has posed.
"... Then my timing was good, then." Lucine idly adjusts her purse's strap on her shoulder.
"That's good to hear, about Ra Mari II. She's probably appreciated the help you provide there, too. Especially with the little ones." It's amazing how fast they've grown, each time she sees them again.
When Shinji says he'd like to pay a visit, Lucine nods, almost seeming... relieved? "Of course. You're always welcome, Shinji." She turns, gesturing to the direction of her apartment. "It's... not too far from here. A few blocks." A few more than she was originally intending to walk, but that's fine. This walk has been more fruitful already than if she had stuck to her original idea.
----------
Lucine's estimate of 'a few blocks' was a little... inaccurate. While it wasn't too far away, it was a little more than 'a few'.
.... Perhaps it all depends on what number 'a few' is meant to convey.
Still, before long, they're at the apartment building, a white, nice-looking complex with a place for Shinji to store his scooter, as well as security for it and them, as Lucine fishes out her security card.
Riding up the elevator with an elderly old man holding a plastic bag of peaches, they arrive to their floor and step out, with Lucine taking the lead to their apartment. "It's a little messy, but... it's our mess." There's a note of pride there, as she unlocks the door, letting Shinji in.
The place is decently clean, but obviously lived in in a welcoming, homey sort of way. Light streams in through the glass floor to ceiling windows, which are gladly gobbled up by the various potted plants. "There's a hook near the door if you need to hang up anything," Lucine says, heading for the fridge. "... Ah, would you like anything to drink?"
<Pose Tracker> Shinji Ikari has posed.
"Yeah," Shinji says, this time with a tiny smile that actually lasts. It's funny, but Eight and her family are more like family to him than his actual family. Of course, Misato and Asuka were more like family than his actual family, and Asuka never wants to see him again... Now that smile fades again, and he nods as Lucine directs him to her place. He'll take his scooter--it's a one-seater, or else he'd offer to give her a ride--and putter along in her wake until they've arrived. Maybe for the best when it turns out the place was farther away than she described, but... Either way, Shinji will park outside the apartment building, then follow Lucine up.
The elevator ride is quiet. They head inside soon enough, and Shinji looks around. It is a bit messy, but not in a bad way. "Misato-san's place was a lot worse," he reassures her. "Just water's fine. Thank you, though. It's pretty hot out today, even for Orb." He hooks his shoulder bag on the hook, then picks a seat somewhere in the living room. He sighs as he sets himself down, then looks out the window. It's a nice view. ...It reminds him a little too much of that day that Elisa attacked, though, so he shakes his head a little and looks away.
"Things just keep happening, huh," he muses aloud. "I thought my life would finally calm down after I left NERV, but things just... keep happening. It's not just Junius 7, even though that was a huge event... There was that attack on Magallanica, and the attack here in Orb, and all kinds of political unrest, and I'm sure tons of things we don't even know about, going on in places where we can't see." His expression darkens in the shadow of his cap. "...It's frustrating."
It would no doubt be more frustrating if he were actively aware of the Section 2 agent that's been tailing him, but Shinji is at least generally aware that NERV is keeping an eye on him. Misato made that clear when he left.
<Pose Tracker> Lucine Azul has posed.
There's signs of Liam's presence around, even if the man himself isn't there. From one hook is a hoodie of lighter, thinner fabric, perfect for the cooler temps that happen in the evening and early morning hours, that's obviously made for a much larger frame than Lucine. There's a locked book tablet on the coffee table, as well as some boots on the shoe rack by the front door, next to ones that are more obviously Lucine's size.
"Really?" Lucine looks up from hanging her purse. "I figured, with how assertive and confident she is... that her place'd be..." Wait, no, that logic does not actually logic, it turns out. "... I suppose that wouldn't say much about what a person's place would be like..."
Moving to the fridge, she opens the door for a soda, and places it on the counter while she picks up a glass for Shinji, filling it up with some ice cubes. "That's the part I have trouble getting used to... the humidity and heat." Adding some water to the glass, she then grabs her soda can with her other hand and walks over to offer the water out to Shinji, ice cubes clinking around as she moves.
"... Last year was so peaceful, in comparison. It felt like it went by so fast." Lucine cracks open her can and sips it quietly, looking out the window, though sensing some of the discomfort coming from Shinji as he looks away.
'I'm sure tons of things we don't even know about, going on in places where we can't see.'
"..... yes." There's a disquieted note to Lucine's voice, like the peak of a much larger iceberg hidden beneath the waters. Anger, almost, but obviously not directed at Shinji. "... There's..."
The space of silence that stretches on after that word, and what Lucine is struggling to say, fills up the apartment.
".... NERV," she says, trying to make it not sound like a diversion, "sometimes scares me. I know they're not... the only organization with secrets. Nergal--" She stops, and looks aside. ".... No organization is a true exception to this."
<Pose Tracker> Shinji Ikari has posed.
Shinji gives Lucine a wry look. "Yeah, you really wouldn't guess what she's like at home based on how she acts in the workplace," he says. He doesn't quite make the connection to what it means that Misato has such a strict work-life divide, but it's something that's impossible for anyone who's ever lived with her to miss.
He accepts the glass of ice water with a grateful nod and drinks down a third of it right away. With a sigh of the quenched, he leans back in his seat and stares into space a bit again. He is listening, though. He can't really remark on last year too much--to him, it feels like a long stretch of gray nothing--but compared to what came before and what's come after, it did seem more peaceful. Then again, he wasn't really paying attention, was he? He was too caught up in his own misery.
But as introverted and self-absorbed as Shinji can sometimes be, he does notice the change in Lucine's tone when the topic shifts. He looks at her, and both of them fall silent for a time. What she eventually says...
"...Yeah," he murmurs, casting his eyes down. He doesn't know much about Nergal, but he's got a feeling something bad's going on there, if she's mentioning it in the same breath as NERV. "I really shouldn't talk about it, but, I mean... Look at me." He gestures at himself, hand going up and down his skinny frame. "I turned eighteen this year, but I still look like I'm barely out of middle school. Kaworu-kun and Asuka, Ayanami and Makinami-san... None of them look like they've gotten any older either. I don't know about the other Evangelion pilots since they went back to their home countries ages ago, but I wouldn't be surprised if something weird's going on with them, too. I tried to ask Kaworu-kun and Makinami-san about it, but they wouldn't talk about it. Or I'm betting couldn't talk about it is the word."
He glares sullenly back out the window. "There's always someone trying to control someone else... even when it's our whole lives being affected." He pauses. Then he huffs out a frustrated sigh, then gives Lucine a sympathetic look. "But it sounds like you already get what I mean."
He doesn't try to ask her what she's talking about. Shinji figures it's something she can't talk about, anyway.
<Pose Tracker> Lucine Azul has posed.
"... Oh wow..." Lucine's gold eyes glint with the nugget of harmless gossip. Somehow, it makes her seem... more relatable, in a way. Maybe, there really are people there who look out for the pilots beyond what's expected.
The spectre of anger that had clouded her thoughts had been allowed to emerge many times, but never in front of Shinji. Lucine wants to keep it that way, if she can help it. Which is why, when Shinji looks at her, she feels a stab of guilt, realizing the vague grey that marked his mood when she mentioned that year. It wasn't so peaceful for everyone, especially Shinji.
Apologizing would feel like calling that grey cloud out; she instead lets her own manifest as a sort of weird solidarity, rather than stuff it back down.
"It's alright," she tells Shinji, reflexively. The regret that follows quickly dies, as he points out something.... significant. Didn't she say something to that effect, once, to Liam? ".... Now that you mention it... I just thought..." No, it is true. He's only a year or two behind her. He would have gotten his growth spurt by now, much like how Liam, even with his frame being as large as it was when they met, still had the soft angles of a teenager to his chin and cheeks. They couldn't blot out that.
.
"Rei and Asuka's cases are... different, but..." She'd argue Kaworu's case being similarly different, but not for the same reasons. Besides, that--
"...." Lucine thoughtfully drinks from her soda, her brain interally debating as Shinji talks.
'But it sounds like you already get what I mean.' Lucine looks up towards Shinji's sympathetic face. Shinji, who asked for none of the pain he's had to endure, who left NERV, and *still*, he may be suffering from the side effects of a role he took on selflessly.
..... _Fuck it._
".... There's been hints like that. Things like how no one was able to agree about whether or not more than one Angel could be around at the same time." She neglects that it was Mari and Kaworu who decreed that it was impossible; for all she knows, they may have had to, in order to keep a secret. How many NDAs have they had to agree to? How long have they had to play the part of the young pilots, while genuinely acting much more mature than their physical age would suggest? How many times had Lucine herself questioned why she found herself looking *up* to Kaworu for advice, when she should be giving him the space to be his age?
".... There's been strange properties of the Angel Blood, as well. And the Moon base... there's strange... structures on it. While NERV and the GGG being allies likely kept the former in check... I think there's... more. Liam tells me nothing, but we've established that this is for the safety of the pilots. He wants to be there for them, so... everything I'm saying... has nothing to do with him."
A little lilim lie, but not too far from the truth.
<Pose Tracker> Shinji Ikari has posed.
Misato's a good person. Just... she's also a hot mess. Shinji still misses her. Maybe one day, he'll work up the nerve to face her again. ...no pun intended.
That said, last year wasn't so much 'not peaceful' as it was 'Shinji struggling to recover mentally and emotionally.' ...It did include Elisa's attack on Orb though, so it wasn't not not peaceful, either.
"Yeah. I thought I was just a late bloomer for a long while, but..." Shinji trails off. Kaworu and Mari had indirectly confirmed something was odd, but as upset as he got at the time, he doesn't want to give anyone cause to be suspicious of them. "Well, maybe it's just me," he concedes when Lucine says that Rei and Asuka's cases are different. Maybe it's better to not burden her with those thoughts.
But it turns out Lucine's been having them anyway. He frowns a bit as she talks about the matter of the Angels, and Angelic core fluid, and the Moon base-- "You mean Tagbha Base?" Shinji utters, eyebrows rising. "You've been there? I know Kaworu-kun used to be stationed there--he told me a little bit about it--but I hardly ever heard about anyone actually going there." Kaworu and Rei had gone there once for some kind of inspection--they brought back souvenirs, even--but if pressed about who actually works there, Shinji would be clueless.
It sounds like Lucine's trying to protect the people she cares about too. Shinji gives her a steady look when she insists that Liam's got nothing to do with it--is still there to try to protect the pilots that remain. Shinji suspects Liam's told her than she's trying to let on, but he keeps that thought to himself. He just nods.
"I guess there's not a lot we can do, not being part of NERV or anything," he says glumly. "I wish I could learn more about what's really going on, so I could know about what's going on with me and Unit-01, but..." He shakes his head. "I don't know how I would even start."
Arguably he already knows too much. Misato showed him what's in Terminal Dogma, after all... and the significance of its presence. Shinji doesn't know he's being monitored, but it wouldn't be a surprise at all.
"Maybe we should just forget about it and talk about something else," he suggests, searching Lucine's eyes.
<Pose Tracker> Lucine Azul has posed.
"..... No, I think there's something to it. I only say that because there's... well, I don't know. That's the problem." Lucine shakes her head. "All of you are young-looking, physically. I look like I'm much older than you, and... yet, it's obvious, when we talk, or when I talk to any of the other pilots... you're not that much younger than me. If there is something to that, it needs to come out. Even if they start going with no pilots... if there was another reason for that... you should be able to know. And even if it really is that you're a late bloomer... then why can't anyone tell you so you can live your life, the way you want to?" Frustration creeps into her voice, both for Shinji... and for her.
How long had she thought it was unfeeling machines that destroyed so much of Mars?
How long had she felt that no one cared, when it was possibly even worse?
"From afar," Lucine corrects, on the subject of Tagbha Base. "Any closer and we would've been shot down. The Dianthus has very good cameras, for sniping purposes, but... all I could see were... something that looked like coffins, from far away." No, they *are* coffins, of a sort. "There was... someone there. Someone I didn't trust, but had reason to believe they had something I needed." Shinji may sense the reluctance, like she wanted to say 'we', instead of 'I'. Also, this *is* Lucine.
Shinji's steady look hits like a harpoon. Lucine's inner thoughts are her own, but her eyes give her away, especially as Shinji continues.
She closes her eyes, and takes a long sip of her soda. She will regret this, she tells herself. Liam would definitely disagree with her decision. Hell, Eight will as well. And what would Shinji say, once they all got down to the bottom of it all? Would he say, 'I wish you never told me'? Or would he, in the timeline where she said nothing at all, say 'I wish you would have told me'?
Logic fails her. There is only one path ahead, and it's to think with her gut.
.... Shinji shouldn't have to be in the dark like she was. Liam won't have to agree with her, but he'll certainly understand why.
".... There is," she says, softly. "There is absolutely something you can do. But, it'll be dangerous... and the information you might get may not be the complete truth, since the person saying it may have their own objectives. You may find yourself drawn back into NERV. It may put you in danger uselessly, but... it's not as if either of us are hand-to-hand combat experts." She manages a wry smile, mirroring the one Shinji gave her earlier. "Though, I'd like to think it wouldn't come to on-foot combat. .... I'm not the sort of Newtype... that lends herself well to being a secret agent of any kind."
Did she ever tell Shinji she was a newtype? Fuck it, he knows now. ".... Shinji, this is not something I offer lightly. You can think about it, and... I won't blame you if you decide to leave it be. But... as someone who's been in the dark about... other matters, I can't let someone else be forced into the same position. Either way... know that you are not alone."
When did her drink run out? ".... I think I'll have some water too. I need to cut back on my soda intake.... would you like some more water as well?"
<Pose Tracker> Shinji Ikari has posed.
"I don't even understand what would cause it," Shinji admits. "Maybe something in LCL stunts your growth. I don't know. It's not like it started right away." He did grow a little after joining NERV. A... very, very little. Hell, he could buy that maybe NERV didn't know about that side effect before using it. What other option would they have, really? But the way Kaworu and Mari acted about it... it feels like there's more to it than that. And more importantly--
"That's what I thought too!" he says emphatically, about being informed about the things that affect him directly. "I know I left. I know Kaworu-kun and the others have their secrets, and they don't have to tell me if they don't want. But if there's something that's affecting me, personally, shouldn't I know about it?"
Coffins... That's disturbing, and it shows on Shinji's face, the way his eyes flickers, the way he sits up a little straighter. And this someone Lucine didn't trust... Who does she mean?
Still, when Shinji gives Lucine an out to drop the topic and go back to safer things... instead she says there's something he can do after all. His eyes widen. Drawn back into NERV... His thoughts go to Unit-01 immediately, and how he'd missed it that day when the void geese attacked Magallanica. His father probably wouldn't allow him to, but Kaworu and Mari had implied he had a special bond with Unit-01. And if he could be replaced that easily with the Dummy Plug, why didn't they send Unit-01 out to help stop Junius 7?
He honestly can't remember if he knew Lucine was a Newtype or not. At this point, it doesn't surprise him. So many of the people he knows are like that, what's one more? After all... he's not alone.
"...No. I want to know," he says quietly, firmly. "For Ayanami and Asuka and Kaworu-kun and Makinami-san... but also for me. If you're planning on doing something, I want in on it, Lucine." He offers her a slight smile, drains his glass, and stands up. "I'd like that. But I'll go with you this time."
He can fill his own glass. He just needs to go over and do it.