2024-06-29: The Value Of Weakness
- Log: The Value Of Weakness
- Cast: Elisa Kafim, Kaworu Nagisa
- Where: Luna, Earth Orbit
- OOC - IC Date: June 29, 2024 (0099)
- Summary: Elisa Kafim and Kaworu Nagisa converse. After a turn in their talk, however, they speak of connections and humanity on a deeper level.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Periodically, Elisa Kafim needs to think in private. As the Silent Castle becomes more crowded and livable, that requires increasingly extreme measures. She is quite pleased to have her wife back with her--pleased that their family is whole once again, or almost so. And yet...
And yet, here she is.
'Here', as it happens, is the Lunar surface. Elisa is not suffering from de-oxygenation, despite her lack of normal suit or any other protection against the void. The lunar dust does not tear her lungs. The cold does not freeze her; the sunlight's radiation does not scour her.
No, she just stands there, looking down at the Earth far below. And, of course, to the mirror in her hand.
"But that is the work I have done of late. I did not bring the sculpture... but I will show my wife soon, I think."
A pause. "...And yet, that is not what is most on my mind."
"I am troubled, Kaworu."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Looking down, or looking above? Truthfully, such a question is normally fruitless; direction has no meaning in space. But there is a bit of meaning in the perspective of the looker.
That's something that Kaworu has come to learn over many, many tries.
When Elisa called him via her mirror--when the mirror near him gleamed and reflected her--he set down his work and received her call. They've chatted a bit in a friendly way, Elisa catching him up on her business. It's been a light thing thus far.
But then she says she is troubled.
He gazes at her with soft concern in his red eyes, legs folded on the chair on which he's seated. Then he rises up, hands tucking into his pockets, and steps forward.
The Lunar surface doesn't bother Kaworu either, of course. It's something with which he's intimately familiar, even. So when he is suddenly on the other side of the mirror at Elisa's side, he simply smiles at her, then turns to stand next to her and look up at the Earth.
"What's troubling you, Elisa?" he wonders--for in his experience, it's easier and more reassuring to speak of troubling matters with someone who is there with you, rather than a world away.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
For Elisa it is definitely down, from her perspective on high. It is hard to ignore Earth's centrality to her wife... But that's not rally why.
It has been a light conversation, at least. Elisa has discussed her Art. The sculptures, not the magic. And now...
She is not accustomed to concern, but it is not an imposition from Kaworu. He steps forward and he is there, and she nods back to him without smiling. "...That is more comfortable," she finds in agreement with his sentiment, though of course she could not read his mind about it.
He asks, though...
"They tried to take my wife," she explains. "The Photon Power League. They believe that she is in danger... that our relationship is a problem for her. And from their perspective, it is. I can understand that much; they want to turn her 'gentle', sanitize her for a world that will still never accept her."
"...And they did not. They could not. But they have done harm to her in the process, given her much to doubt."
"I do not like it. And yet, they are her 'friends'; to stand against them openly would wound her."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Kaworu can't read minds either. But there's something more comfortable about physically being near someone, isn't there? Even for beings such as them. Perhaps that's his human side talking; at least, he'd like to think it's so. Elisa may not smile, but he does, in that faint, congenial way he does.
"Oh?" he responds when she starts. But then she clarifies. This is something he's generally aware of--that is, the Photo Power League doing therapy for Yuliana, and that she was visiting them every so often, usually for a week or two at a time--but he hasn't been informed about the situation as it more recently stands. He listens, patient and still, as Elisa explains.
"It can be difficult. The perspective of Lilim can seem so different, and their priorities so alien," he says with sympathy. Communication troubles plague all beings--especially beings such as them. Elisa says that she understands this is true from their perspective, but does she understand the perspective itself?
"What is it about your relationship that seems like a problem for her to them?" he thus prompts.
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Even for them. Elisa does have a 'human' side as well, one that is growing stronger by the day, thanks in large part to Yuliana and their plans. But will it be enough, compaped to the rest of her?
So Elisa explains, when Kaworu prompts her, and then he offers her sympathy. "Yes," she says. "...I do not understand the point," she admits. "She is to be made to feel guilt for taking what she wants? She is to feel guilt over things that cannot be changed? For what purpose? NUNE will not forgive her if she 'makes nice'. The feelings of these few mortals are irrelevant."
A shake of her head. Clearly, she does not understand the perspective itself.
"I am 'controlling'," she explains. "And of course, dangerous. They always believe that. ...But she asks to be controlled; they are doing it to her, as surely as they accuse me. I must guide her to keep her safe."
"But they do not see the lengths to which I go to respect her freedom, nor that I bend my every action to fulfilling her dream. To caring for her."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
That's the eternal question, isn't it?
Kaworu nods once when Elisa explains her lack of understanding--not to agree with her, but to communicate that he understands her frustration. He listens, too, to the answer to his question. Controlling and dangerous... Well, there's no question that Elisa is dangerous. Kaworu knows he too is dangerous. His expression turns thoughtful as Elisa admits to being controlling, then asserts that the PPL is also being controlling. "Yes. I know you want Yuliana to be safe and happy." That is one more word than Elisa used, but Kaworu believes it of her. "I want the same for the one I love, too. It can be difficult while also letting them exercise their freedom. You do what you can to guide them, but their decisions can hurt." A beat. "That aside, if you do take such care in respecting Yuliana's freedom, and her friends do not see it, perhaps it would be worthwhile to let them see?"
He turns his gaze again towards the blue marble that is Earth. "As for the feelings of a few mortals, they aren't irrelevant. While humanity," as opposed to the broader Lilimkind, "may resemble a collective, particularly when banded together in organizations like NUNE and the Photon Power Lab, it is not. Each human is an individual with a different set of perspectives and priorities. It's not the Photo Power Lab that is Yuliana's friend; it is individuals within it. Those individuals are the ones who care for her and want to make her gentle." He looks back at Elisa. "Humans are small creatures, after all. They are easily wounded. Because of that, they must be accommodated. One must be gentle when handling them, or one will do far worse than merely wound them.
"In addition, Yuliana herself still lives as an individual. Therefore it's important for her to understand the feelings of those few mortal, so that she can live alongside them peacefully. I believe that's what her friends are trying to convey." He pauses. "Yuliana wanted you to understand them a little better too, didn't she? Not just her friends, but the way small mortals feel in general. That's why we happened to run into each other at Stockholm if I'm not mistaken, wasn't it?"
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa does want Yuliana to be happy. For her, it goes without saying. ...Mostly because she hasn't yet investigated what 'happiness' means, besides it being desirable for Yuliana. However...
"Hmmm..." To let them see? "I wonder. I am known as 'enemy' to them. I do not think they would willingly see much of me beyond that. ...And that is not entirely unreasonable. Were it not for Yuliana's love, I would destroy them."
But they aren't irrelevant... Hmmm. Each is an individual...
"I see," she says. "So, you consider them not as the collective Humanity, but each individual. Troublesome. ...But not without merit. It is my belief that those who are strong enough to assert that individuality deserve to be recognized as such. Perhaps, the weak as well..."
She considers. "To live peacefully... Yes, she wishes that. I do not see how she can do this. With her family, yes. But with them?"
"Hmmm... So because she operates as an individual, I should understand individuals better..."
'Yes, that is true. I did wish to understand this world better. And you suggest that I start with the microcosm, rather than the macrocosm. It is worth considering."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
That's fair. Kaworu, too, has misunderstood what happiness might mean for Shinji. But then, it's hard to understand something that Shinji himself doesn't understand.
"Certainly not unreasonable," he says affably. "Most humans have a strong aversion to being destroyed. It's natural that they would fear you as a result." He laughs faintly, a certain rueful sorrow in his eyes and voice. "And once you've become known as one who can destroy them, it's already too late. Another method, then, perhaps."
He nods once as Elisa mulls over what he's said. "Weakness is but another form of individuality, for weakness as well as strength can take many different shapes. Disregarding it will mean your understanding of humanity, and thus of Yuliana, will remain incomplete."
But with them? Those three words reveal much, to Kaworu's view. His expression turns pensive as he regards Elisa. She's open to his suggestions and is listening seriously to his explanations, which is a good thing, but... "Bonds are critically important to humans, and these bonds can take many different forms. Family is an important bond, but so too are friends. Family is a bond of blood that ties together those due to their make. But friendship is a bond of compatible temperaments--a bond of the soul. It is a bond created when another is like you, even while they are completely unlike you." He pauses. "Elisa... Whom would you consider to be your friend?"
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
Elisa smiles. She has the appropriate number of teeth. "This is true. I do not object to fear, as is my due. ...But it does mean that 'getting along' with them is difficult. I do not enjoy this."
Anotehr form of individuality, Kaworu says, and Elisa looks at him thoughtfully. "I never thought to find merit in weakness," she admits. "I am still not certain that I can. ...But if it would allow me to better understand Yuliana..."
Perhaps it's worth considering.
Elisa considers frther, as he explains bonds. "Family," she says. "I did not understand it. I still do not. But my Yuliana assures me that it is important, and so I have embraced it. But 'friends'...? It would seem troublesome, to bind yourself to so many. A vulnerability that is unnecessary. One's 'self' and one's love should be enough."
Like, but unlike...
"A friend?" Elisa asks. "...That is..."
"I suppose there is..." She contemplates. "Parminder amuses me. He is Yuliana's ally, but I think I would keep him around even if he were not."
"And there is you, I suppose. Should I acquire these... 'friends', you think?"
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Kaworu recognizes her teeth as being the appropriate number, and smiles in return. "It is indeed difficult to get along with those that fear you," he agrees. "Let's set Yuliana's friends aside for the moment, then."%
She mulls on weakness, admitting she might still not be able to find merit in it. "Weakness and strength both have their places in a human's heart. This is part of the human experience. While they are individuals, they also come together to support and help one another, so that one individual's strength may cover for another's weakness." He laughs a little as his eyes shut. "It's part of why they can be so confusing."
He turns thoughtful again in turn, looking again at Elisa, as she admits even family is beyond her. His gaze softens into something bittersweet. One's 'self' and one's love should be enough...
"I used to think similarly, once upon a time," he muses, a touch distant. "The one I love is still the most important one to me. But he absolutely insisted that he wanted me to find my own happiness--happiness that was not simply his happiness. That if I did not, he could never find happiness either, as contradictory as that may sound."
If Elisa doesn't truly understand family, then it's no wonder that she has precious, scant few she might call a friend. There is Parminder--and there is him, she supposes. His smile deepens at the acknowledgement. "Yes. It will help expand your perspective, and more importantly, it will bring you joy." He holds out a hand to her. "Then, as friends, would you like to take a trip of our own to deepen our understanding of the microcosm?"
<Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
"Very well." Elisa is ccertainly willing to put Yuliana's friends aside. If only Yuliana were so willing!
"I see...so it is both their individuality and their collectiveness--that they interlock in this way. Yes. It is indeed confusing."
Bittersweet, why would that be? Elisa's expression is still thoughtful, but without comprehension a first. But when he growss distant, she listens all the same. "...Yuliana has said similar," Elisa admits. "Suggested as well that I find these... 'friends'."
"It seems that the one you love is also troublesome," she says without rancor. "...But that is not such a bad thing. I would not love Yuliana so if she were easy."
When he smiles, she looks back, studying him like a reptile might. Then, "...Joy. What a strange thing."
"...Very well." She reaches out to take Kaworu's hand. Hers is cold, and strong, but present all the same.
"Then as friends, I shall go with you."
<Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
Kaworu's gaze dips, though his bittersweet smile doesn't fade, when Elisa observes his love is troublesome. "He can be. But he doesn't mean to be. It's simply the result of being human and needing more than one strong connection," he replies. The bittersweetness washes out with warmth, radiant as the sun and soft as the moon.
"He is thoughtful, and kind, and compassionate, and it is these things that make him simultaneously easily wounded and powerful beyond measure. It's through his weakness that I came to know him as someone worthy of my grace--and through his strength that he came to save me from myself. He is the epitome of humanity's contradictions. Perhaps, if you're ever interested, I can tell you more about him."
He won't be introducing her to him, though. Shinji was frightened enough of Yuliana as a mere proxy of Elisa. Kaworu doesn't want to distress Shinji.
She calls joy a strange thing, and for a moment, Kaworu is puzzled. "Is it? Do you not feel joy when you are with Yuliana?" he wonders guilelessly. Still, she accepts, both his hand and his friendship. "Then let us go."
Through the mirror and beyond, to the place where they can watch humans while standing among them. It is but the first step.