2023-01-23: Like Me
- Log: 2023-01-23- Like Me
- Cast: Akane Shinjo, Alouette Pommier, Shigeru Akamatsu (NPCed with permission from Guy Shishioh
- Where: GGG Orbit Base
- OOC - IC Date: 0097-01-23
- Summary: Alouette Pommier and Akane Shinjo talk about the messy road to the point they're at now. Akane entrusts Alouette with something because she can't figure out any other way to make it feel right.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Indistinct sounds come from the medical ward Akane's made home. As Alouette approaches, they start to get a little more distinct, coalescing into... animals in Japanese?
"<Bear.>" "<Mouse.>" "Hey, a loan word's kinda dirty pool..." "I thought you guys didn't give up." "Haha, you got me, missy. <Sparrow.>" "<Pigeon.>" "<Snake.>" "<Squirrel.>" "<Lizard.>" "<Cheetah.>" "<Toad.>" "<Mongoose.>" "Again? Two can go for that one. <Skunk.>" "<Peacock.>" "<Whale.>"
The faint 'hssss --' of a breath in through gritted teeth. "Out. You're good."
"You're no slouch yourself, kiddo. I could tell you started losing in your head after the loan word thing, though..."
"He never pressed me that hard. I always got to win around 20 or so. I thought it was 'cuz I was good, but now I think he just liked to have me thinking I was better at things than I was." A quiet moment passes. "... How about tomorrow we do it again? Different category. ... maybe school supplies?"
"Home field advantage, huh? Sure thing, little lady."
"-- Not... that one." Akane's voice gets a little tense.
"Huh?"
"... kiddo was fine, but... early on, it was 'Akane-ojousama.' With Alexis. It's... -- come up with something else."
"Yeah, okay. You wanna start at Shinjo-san?"
A huff. "You don't need to go screaming in the other direction. Skip the honorific. Anyway, I'm seventeen, you know."
A laugh. "Then you're almost outta time on that one, Shinjo." A glance toward the door. "Looks like someone else wants you. Tomorrow?"
"Yeah."
Shigeru Akamatsu exits the medical ward, giving a respectful nod to Alouette, and leaving Akane to it.
It's been a couple days since Akane's ordeal. People need time to sleep, and Akane's had a lot of visitors, so it's been a bit! The girl who was-and-might-be a kaiju sits -- in her familiar guise, again, not the face that is for now for Rikka alone -- in her bed, with its rumpled sheets. She's got a bowl of ramen -- not top-quality ramen, but it's fine. There's a mostly-drained box of tomato juice on her tray table, and a big pitcher of water. (How is she putting away this much food?)
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
Alouette approaches the medical ward, hearing the distinct sounds of what she's sure is a word game. She hears the entire conversation, really. A faint smile emerges on her face, when she hears Akane insist she's "seventeen, you know" on her way to the door.
Passing Chief Akamatsu with a nod of her own, she takes a seat next to the bed, in a visitor's chair. It's... kind of awkward, honestly. She fought so hard to try and save Akane, but it's only now her first time visiting alone.
The talk of honorifics she overheard is something to consider - she's not certain what to call the girl who sits before her. Miss Shinjo feels too cold... Might it be okay to start over again?
"I guess it's my turn to visit you," Alouette says, quietly, a hint of dry humour in her tone. "It's been a few days. Have you been sleeping okay?" Alouette knows she's never slept well in hospital beds for one. And even more so, Akane hadn't slept a wink in the perpetual dreamscape of Tsutsujidai.
There's a few pauses, a couple moments of silence before she speaks up again. "You know, I'm glad you're here." Orbit Base specifically. Not only is it undoubtedly one of the safest places for the still recovering Akane... "It might not be 'home' for you like it is for me. But I hope it can still be as welcoming and comforting as it was for me after, ah.." Akane had already peered into her memories, read all her records. But the part where she snuck onto Orbit Base was the only bit not in that dream. "My memories came back."
She takes a look at the almost-empty box of tomato juice. "Is there anything you need? I can probably call up someone to get it for you while we chat."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
As Alouette enters Akane's room, she's... a little stunned by her presence, honestly, in a way she probably ought not to be. Alouette fought so hard for her -- but it's still a bit of a struggle to feel like that was... fair to even have happen.
"I'm honestly sleeping, like... twelve hours a day. I'm so tired. I didn't even realize I was tired until I wasn't shoving it all off onto a kaiju anymore... now it's pretty... a lot." Akane rubs at the back of her head, saying, "I hope it stops, 'cuz I have stuff I wanna do." She can't be a weird cat forever.
"... everyone's been really nice," she continues. "They all want to hear from me about everything that happened, but not in like, an interrogation kind of way..." It's still a struggle to feel worthy of it... but it does get easier the more times she does it. "As places to end up go, it's not bad at all. I don't think I should stay here forever, but I could get used to it. Sai-san says I'll probably need to be coming around pretty regularly for check-ups, too, so maybe I will get used to it!" Her expression turns up for a moment --
-- and then gets a little more serious. "Pom --" she starts, and then stops. "... Is it okay if I call you Alouette? If you aren't okay with it that's fine." She'd be a hypocrite to ask for it and not offer it. "I don't mind adding an honorific if you want a little extra distance, either."
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
"That is a lot, but I'm glad you're sleeping. It'll probably even out once you get used to the sensation again, right?" Seeing Akane say she has stuff she wants to do, and expressing it plainly... it's actually pretty refreshing to hear, and Alouette's expression softens. "But you're right. All those Taraba shows won't watch themselves... if you're still up for it, that is."
"Mmm, I wouldn't expect you to," Alouette nods, at the mention of not staying here forever. "It's still a base, so living here full time comes with certain expectations... I don't think it'd be fair to put them on you." Even Alouette takes frequent time to visit home, and she's certain Mamoru and Ikumi do too.
"But when you do end up having to visit, feel free to snatch me away for a tea or something like that." She smiles, slyly. It's always good to take breaks!
Alouette asked, but she wasn't quite expecting that question from Akane... she thinks on it for a few moments, and decides she's okay with not letting that honorific baggage drag them down. "I'm fine with it if you are, Akane." She says the name slowly, as if she was sounding it out.
Alouette turns more serious for a moment. "I don't think I'll ever be able to forget everything that happened.. not unless Gimlet returned from the dead and gave me another head injury." One positive of Akane knowing all her background is that she can joke about it as she pleases.
"Still, I want you to know that it doesn't mean forgiveness is impossible. It's why I fought so hard... and it's why I'm here right now." She reaches out her hand, not the one with the programming glove. "Because my selfish wish is that we could become friends, for real this time."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Alouette offers Akane something to do -- and she's genuinely surprised by it. "... Yeah. I really want to get you through X4. Maybe Hammer, too... I still haven't watched the movie. Kinda anxious about it... Spike is a good character and they could do a ton to screw him up after the way the show ended." She'll work up the guts. Eventually. "Tea sounds okay. I kinda want to cook something myself again... but not just for me."
When Alouette says she's okay with it, Akane seems -- relieved. "Okay. ... Alouette." Saying it seems like a bit of a relief for her, though at the same time, she curls inward a little bit. "Yeah -- I wouldn't want you to. We kinda saw how bad it got when I could just make everyone forget my mistakes," Akane answers her -- and then laughs, both at her own joke and Alouette's. This, too, is a little tense, a little heavy... but that's okay. Things are gonna be heavy for a while.
Hearing that Alouette wants to be friends for real gets her to tear up a little. "I... want that too," she says, and she sounds nervous -- but not unenthused. Tentatively, she reaches out to take that hand. "It just... doesn't feel like it's fair, after I..."
Gosh. Should she tell Alouette why? Is that even okay?
... that's for Alouette to decide. "I'm still kind of processing why I did everything. If you don't wanna hear it that's fine, but if it'd help, I can tell you where my head was at."
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
"We'll make time for it, as soon as your ready, of course." She nods as she mentions her worries about Spike changing in the Tarabaman Hammer movie. She's never watched enough shows to worry about something like that herself, but she won't dismiss it... it's clearly important to Akane. "Cooking? That makes sense. Do you have any recipes in mind?" Food's always been a sort of pretense to bonds... it's only recently that Alouette has been accepting such things herself.
After the two make their jokes, Alouette's gaze turns upon Akane once again. It is a little heavy, but Alouette doesn't mind it either. The fact that they're letting the tension flow freely, making it known means that one day it will dissipate. "Without the memories, there's no hope of moving on. That's why they're so precious to me."
Akane tentatively reaches out, and Alouette lets her take it at her own pace. "You were the one who told me that it's not always about what's fair." She reminds the teary-eyed girl in front of her, a warm, flushed smile of her own on her face.
"If it would help you, I'd like to know," Alouette nods, resolutely. "I can make some guesses but... I'd like to hear it from you."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Recipes? "Well -- I do want to start getting used to the basics again -- ramen, miso soup, stuff like that," Akane says, with a nod. "But I kinda want to try making tonjiru again, too... oh, and, uh, actually, I'm gonna need to make honmei-choco and that might be here if it takes me too long to get out of here, assuming you guys have a kitchen."
Honmei-choco -- homemade chocolate for your romantic partner, rather than simply obligation-chocolate... it sounds like Akane's implying something's changed in her situation.
Breathing in and then out, steadying herself for the hard part of the conversation, Akane says, "At first I could kinda tell myself that it was about, like... keeping you safe. You not having to risk yourself, and not just against me! Like, the whole world kinda sucked." A beat. "Still sucks. I finally caved and checked To-witter. I did make it through the whole first day without." She sounds embarrassed. "And I don't think that's... wrong?"
She sighs, as she admits, "But I feel like that's not the whole story. Seeing you keep risking yourself for me when I felt like it was never gonna pay off... it kinda upset me! Like -- I just couldn't handle watching you fail over and over, and then I started... getting so angry about it."
She admits something a little raw. "I think that's why the way the dream ended for you was, uh... kinda... violent by the end? Like -- I did kinda the same weird metaphorical stuff to most of the people I hurt, but you got it bad, because..."
Why did she get it so bad?
"... I saw more of me in you than a lot of the rest of them. And I hated me, so I kinda took it out on you."
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
Honmei-choco... that raises an eyebrow from Alouette. She's not fully embedded in Japanese culture, but she certainly knows a thing or two. "Ah right, were you able see Rikka's concert the other day?" Alouette tests her hunch innocously enough, in a conversation line that could otherwise be written off as totally unrelated. "I actually helped a little with the lights, but she was amazing, wasn't she?"
Alouette listens carefully, clasping her hands together, as Akane explains why she did what she did. "It does suck. I've read about what Blue Cosmos has been doing and... it really worries me." She frowns, sharply. Not to the point where she fears for her personal safety or anything.. but she's not sure she'll be showing up at school anytime soon.
"But I'm sure you know this now: it won't change if we leave it the same. That's why I was fighting for the world and for you."
Another pause. Grasping at her halfjacket, she almost feels the sensation, or lack thereof, that Akane left her with in the dream. She quickly deflates and relaxes... she knows Akane won't hurt her like that anymore.
"So when you did that... it was like you were also telling yourself that you don't have to be brave, if someone like me doesn't." Akane always used that boxcutter knife to cut away pieces of herself, after all.
Alouette was hesitant to tell Akane this last part, because it once again felt selfish, but since Akane told her part... "Admittedly, some of the reason I fought so hard for you was because I saw a lot of myself in you, too." She tugs at her hair. "The way you pushed everyone away, everything with BioNet... I've seen it all before. And I knew better things were possible. So I kept fighting."
"Well, I don't think either of our fights are done just yet. But... I'm glad we're honest with each other." She concludes. Thanks for having the courage to tell me."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
"I didn't get to see it, exactly, but I heard it... and I could kind of tell there was a whole performance going on with support? The difference between seeing and feeling stuff in a situation like that is... weird." Akane tries to figure out how to even explain it, and settles for, "Imagine you're watching like three movies overlaid on top of each other, kind of?"
She notices that Alouette's taken her implication, though, and smiles. "She was incredible. She's still incredible. I want to feel like I'm worth that... but I know fixing myself can't just be about that." She'll leave that at that for now, though; she doesn't want to rub Alouette's face in it or anything. "Yeah. Nothing gets better if we leave it the same... not the world, and not me." That gets a laugh, though it's a pretty flat one.
... for an instant, she feels guilty, seeing Alouette affirm that her half-jacket is in fact still there. "... yeah. You get it," she says, softly. "I'm kinda glad it's not just me. I didn't really... I dunno. The whole thing is weird, but..."
She smiles, though it's a little thin and tense. "I do like you, Alouette. And I really wanna be friends. I wanted what you had so bad but I felt like I was so far past getting it..."
Something occurs to her, as she realizes she's a few minutes out from Medication Time. "... Can you do me a favor? I'd ask Sai-san or Sayla, but... they both seem pretty busy. And it's..." A beat. "Complicated. I think asking you is one of the few things I can do to start making this square, kinda."
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
"It's... hard to imagine, but I think I get the gist." Alouette nods. She hopes that she'll never have to see Akane like that again... that she'll never have to feel that way again.
"Right.. living only for one person can leave you feeling empty." Alouette replies to Akane's last statement rather seriously. But then she smiles. "But like you said, she's incredible. So I'm confident you'll be able to work it all out." She knows that was something Rikka considered while they were putting together the concert, so it's not empty confidence.
"It's weird, but... it's okay. I couldn't ever fault you for wanting people who could support you and care about you." Alouette assures her. "And did you know? I never once thought you were beyond it. Even after Bujack... I was upset, definitely. But I still kept everything you gave me." The clothes, and even the cellphone.
A favour... and if it's Hinoki or Sayla, then it sounds like it's medical related. Maybe not her strongest expertise, but it can't hurt to ask, especially if it'll help bring some closure for the both of them. "A favour... okay. What is it?"
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Alouette -- kept everything? That's a surprise to Akane, and one that seems to almost hurt. It's not in a bad way, though -- she recognizes the warmth in it, and says, "That's -- really sweet. I still wanna watch Tarabaman with you for sure... maybe some other stuff too? I guess expanding out wouldn't hurt... too much. But you have to show me good stuff first!"
She giggles about it, and then lets go, a bit. "I guess that's good, though. Maybe it's okay to keep some stuff from a bad time, as long as it's happy stuff."
... she winds her way around to the favor again, in the end, though. Akane has a pen and paper around from an earlier visit from base staff -- she'd had a few things she needed to formally answer as part of... well, for lack of a better term, intake. She picks up a paper about the meds Sayla brought -- nothing she doesn't already know -- and flips it over to write something down.
"My medical records are kind of messy 'cuz of when I... ditched... reality?" Akane laughs awkwardly, noting, "Man, it sounds ridiculous when I say it like that... anyway -- I need someone to go to these doctors and ask them to send a records release form for..."
Akane's first lines detail which professionals she needs help from. The last, underlined, is -- is she writing Yuta's name? -- no, it just looks that way with some of the characters obscured --
Ah.
"... I... get that mutually assured destruction isn't exactly the best way to tell you I'm going to keep your secrets," Akane says, looking a little sheepish and a little ashamed. "But... I can't really think of a better one right now."
She's a little tense as she adds, "Please don't use it for anything but what I asked."
"Uh -- Rikka knows, probably." she adds, hastily. "Not that part, but... everything around that part? Sayla and Sai-san can probably guess, too."
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
"Mhm, me too. But ah.. I'll have to find something good first." Alouette laughs, nervously, but clearly not actually bothered. "I feel like you've seen a lot more media than me. I never had an interest in much. But it's been changing!"
"You're right," Alouette nods at Akane's point about keeping happy things from a bad time. "I don't like throwing things like that away."
And then back to the favour... it is medical related, but it's absolutely nothing Alouette can't handle. "Ahh, they must be.. no wonder Miss Hinoki and Doctor Mass are so busy." She keeps it casual for the moment, like it is just a small favour.
But she does connect the dots, with the name and the type of medication. "Absolutely, I can do that. And I'll let you know as soon as it's done. Hopefully they don't take too long..." She smiles, noticing Akane's awkwardness.
Her expression turns more serious and somewhat tense, when Akane mentions mutually-assured destruction and secrets. "I really don't want you to feel obligated just because you know my secrets, but..."
"Yours is safe with me, too. It's a promise."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
... nothing changed. Or at least, nothing seems to have changed. Letting out some held breath, Akane says, "Okay. ... Thanks. I can't really get my parents to do it or anything, so..." ... god, how does she even finish that sentence? It's been so long since she had to figure that out --
"I appreciate that." There. It's said, and she does mean it.
Rubbing at the mop of pink hair on her head, she says, "I'll probably be on Orbit Base for a while... I hope I'll get to see you again. We don't have to talk about anything important when you stop by, just..."
She feels so needy and desperate, right now, saying this. "I guess I'm kinda excited to be your friend. I... like you." It's said with the kind of gravity that suggests that, too, is a promise, in its own way. "I guess it's too much to hope for nothing bad to ever happen to anyone again, so instead... I kinda hope someday I can be as good to someone as you're being to me."
Yeah, she's tearing up a little bit more. It's inevitable, in a conversation this messy.
<Pose Tracker> Alouette Pommier has posed.
It's true that nothing has immediately changed. It provides context for who Akane Shinjo is, but it doesn't change Alouette's opinion of her. "You're welcome, Akane."
"We will." Alouette says resolutely of seeing each other again. "We can talk about anything you like - movies, food, music... even a particularly good date." For the teenage girl who never got to be much of a teenage girl, she's looking forward to getting to have that.
"Y-yes... I'm really excited too." She's pretty much choking up herself, at this point. "Oh, and... if someone like me can do it, I already know you're capable of it too." She smiles softly, spinning that analogy about the boxcutter and the uniform into something more positive.