2023-01-22: First Kiss
- Log: 2023-01-22: First Kiss
- Cast: Akane Shinjo, Rikka Takarada
- Where: GGG Orbit Base
- OOC - IC Date: 0097-12-22
- Summary: Akane meets her first guest on Orbit Base. There's so much ahead of the two of them, but whatever it is -- they can face it together. (cw: implied self-harm scars)
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
There's... a lot that's happened in the last few months. Getting to where they are now has been an ordeal, and Akane hasn't been a perfect victim and certainly hasn't made herself easy to save.
But... 'difficult' doesn't mean impossible, and courageous hearts have a habit of turning 0 into 100.
Akane's had a little while on Orbit Base to compose herself -- not too long, but she needed rest desperately. (The sensation is deeply unfamiliar, and honestly a little distressing.) In lieu of actually having anywhere to stay where she feels comfortable (and she has in fact said she doesn't -- it's part of the basic battery of medical checkup questions), she'll... probably be sticking around, for a little while.
There have been 'transactional' visits, here and there -- basic checkups, blood draws. What happened to Akane is familiar and yet fully new, and making sure she's okay is a priority.
Most of her time has been spent sleeping since then, though, and she hasn't seen any of her rescuers just yet.
Sitting in the bed with her back to the wall, Akane finds herself... mostly just ruminating. She wonders, dimly, if she can ask someone to get her phone for her, but it seems like a little too much trouble to go to right now. (Make no mistake: the struggle hasn't ended yet.)
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
It was 3G that ultimately came to collect Akane. This was for the best. They're the only ones Rikka would trust to look after her - them, or the Shuffle Alliance. Anyone else, and she would've fought for her.
She made arrangements to visit, but there's only so much she can do while all the pieces fall into place and she was quite exhausted from her cross-city run (twice), followed immediately by a physically-intensive performance... So, she had to wait.
But the moment she has her energy back, the exact moment she's given the okay, she sets out from Tsutsujidai to Orbit Base.
...This is her first time here. She's had opportunities to visit, but she's never actually been. Thankfully, she's been given directions to the room Akane's in. She finds herself in front of the door.
She wonders, briefly, how Akane'll react to seeing her again... But whatever happens, there's only one way to know for sure.
She reaches out, and knocks on the door.
"Hey, Akane... It's Rikka. Can I come in?" Rikka asks. They might or might have already let her know she was on her way.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Akane startles a bit at the knock -- she's getting used to that, but it's still such an unfamiliar sensation -- to place herself and to be placed somewhere that people can knock. She nods, first -- then she remembers that she's not being incidentally observed constantly, and calls, "Just a second," finally prying herself back out of bed.
Walking over there is just a few short steps. (She's got traction socks on; she'd arrived barefoot.)
The door opens. Even after hearing her, it's still -- so much -- to actually see her, there, on the other side of the threshold. (And outside the door, too.)
Akane's whole body quivers; it's far and away most noticeable in her arms, but it's everywhere. The impulse is still there -- to retreat, to not take up another second of Rikka's time, another quantum of her sentiment, after the most difficult year of their lives.
It becomes obvious why it was mostly in her arms a moment later, as she -- after so long -- lets herself do what she's wanted to do from the word go.
It's such a different hug from the one on the bus in August. There, she'd simultaneously been so desperate for Rikka to feel trapped and so desperate not to trap her -- all tension in the fingers (claws) and looseness in the arms.
Here, it's the opposite -- her arms slip around Rikka's waist and hold her so close, while her hands come to a gentle rest at the tips of Rikka's hair, teasing at her soft fingertips.
"I'm so sorry," she says, and she says it like she'll never stop saying it. "I hurt you -- and Hibiki-kun -- and Anti, and Alouette, and Sayla, and -- so many people, and I'm a wimp, and a coward, and I never listened to any of you no matter how many times you tried to get me to, and --"
The sensation of being able to express herself at all is so novel and so intense that she will probably never stop, given the chance.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Rikka isn't sure what'll happen, at first. There's silence, first, and then she hears Akane's voice on the other side of the door. The door opens, and Rikka smiles. It's so good to see her. She smiles, and she notices that quivering in Akane's body. And then - she's briefly surprised as Akane's arms slip around her waist. It's a different hug from the last one, entirely different. Surprised - but her reaction is instinctive. This time, she can accept it - she wraps her arms around Akane's shoulders. Gentle and warm. They're both holding each other close, now.
Akane lets loose what could easily become a flood of apologies. How she hurt her, and so many people, how she's a wimp and a coward who never listened...
"...I know." Rikka murmurs, her voice soft. "I know."
"I know... everything that you are, Akane." A hand goes up, gently stroking the back of her head. "...You've been through so much. You've been hurt so much, too..."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
To be told she's known -- in her fullness -- is to be able to let go of having to say it over and over. "I..." She takes a breath in, trying to stabilize herself. "... I want to talk. I want to say the things I wanted to, before... and I think I owe you the answer you asked me for, too."
She gives Rikka a last, brief squeeze -- and then lets go. Sticking close to her, she leads her over to the hospital bed; it's nice, and it's big enough that -- with a little squeezing -- they could probably both be comfortable on it.
(It's designed to handle 200 centimeter, very broad cyborgs! It's fine.)
"I," and that's all she manages for a few seconds. "... I love you. I wanted to ask you out a little before the ball game rally, but..." There's a lump in her throat. This feels so difficult to talk about -- it feels like voicing it means kicking responsibility for it down the street -- but...
"... I asked Alexis how I could handle telling you about what I was, and what Tsutsujidai was." 'Was,' not is; 'Tsutsujidai,' not 'my city.' Akane is deliberate in every language.
"He asked if I had a plan for if you took it bad, and... I mean, you always knew what 'a plan' meant with him, and I got so scared that I could hurt you and --"
... yeah, she's crying again. "I was so scared of being close after that, so scared of me --" she whimpers out. Her hands ball up into fists. Her right wrist, opposite Rikka rather than near her, hinges just a little bit; she hits herself along the side of the thigh -- just once. The crying slows a bit, loses rhythm, though it doesn't quite stop.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
This close, Rikka can feel it as Akane breathes in. She says she wants to talk - to say the things she wanted to, and to give her the answer she owes her. Rikka nods - and, after Akane gives her that squeeze she lets her go as well, following her over to the bed and sitting on the side of it next to her.
There's silence for a moment. Rikka waits, and then... she hears those words she's been wanting to hear for so long. She already knew, of course... but to hear it in her own words, her own voice... It's a wonderful thing. But she has more to say, and Rikka listens.
The ball game rally... It's a funny thing, how much hinges on that. She exerted herself, something she rarely does, for the sake of winning her one of the headbands in her absence...
...To think, she was absent because of that. Because of her, and because of him.
She notices her deliberate wording... and nods quietly, when she speaks of 'a plan'. She knows now what that means all too well, by now.
"Oh, Akane..." Rikka murmurs. To be so afraid of getting closer, out of fear of hurting her - and out of fear of herself...
She notes the way she balls her hands into her fists, hitting herself along the right thigh. It's on the opposite side... so instead, Rikka reaches for Akane's left hand. She very gently tries to work the fist open, to slide her fingers in-between Akane's.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
The contact startles Akane enough to get her to gasp a little bit -- which more fully interrupts the crying than any amount of smacking herself could; she grips tightly at first, but after a few more moments of gentle silence, she lets herself unclench again, holding that hand with the gentleness she'd wanted to for so long. Her other hand opens, too.
She lets some silence pass. To have voiced that -- made it real -- and in so doing allowed it to be defeated, to be reached out toward rather than cowered from... it does a lot to clear her head.
"... I... don't know where anything goes from here," she admits. "But I..."
It'd be easy to dwell on the worst things forever, but by now -- maybe she's learned a little better. "... I'm still kind of scared. It feels like I'd be asking you to let me hook getting better on you, and you deserve better than that... and I guess if I'm trying to get better for you and not for me, I'm pretty much just trading up."
'I wanted to be here,' Anti had said. If that's true, then...
... maybe it's time to turn Rikka's question back around, too. "What do you want? I don't think I'd have ever 'set up' a person like you, so... I don't know if I know."
(She knows, in her heart -- but it's important to express, and to be expressed to in turn.)
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Akane gasps. But she doesn't pull away - her grip is tight at first, then relaxes. The two of them sit there together in gentle silence. Rikka could stay like this here with her forever, if it were possible. The silence passes... and eventually, Akane is the one to break it, as she admits that she doesn't know where things go from here. She's scared - but she admits her fears, and shares them with her. Rikka goes over them in her head and after a moment nods quietly.
"...Yeah." She murmurs in agreement. "I want to support you... but you need to be able to stand on your own two feet, too. I want to move forward with you, not for you... I... I couldn't bear it, if I became the next thing to drag you down and stop you from healing."
And now, it's time for Akane to turn her question back around on her. What does she want...? Rikka is quiet for a moment. She knows in her heart what she wants, of course - it's only a matter of how to put it into words.
"I want... I want to be with you forever, Akane. To be together. Because... I love you too, Akane." Rikka murmurs. "...It's okay if you're not ready for that yet. But... that's how I feel. That's what I want."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
... it's such a relief to hear that Rikka feels the same way -- really feels the same way, fears Akane falling just as much as she does... but wants to be together, too, for herself. What can she even say to that? Her gut tells her to run away -- to let those fears rule things.
... that's what got her into this in the first place, though, isn't it?
"If... that's true, then," Akane starts. ... can she do this? It's...
... no, maybe it's that she has to. If she can't take this one step forward, maybe she really does need to step backward instead. "... then there's something I need you to see. For you to really know 'everything.' I... changed when I came to Tsutsujidai." And, she supposes, she can change again.
Form matters. But look is a single part of form...
Akane closes her eyes, and lets out a breath, and...
There are things that change and things that don't, and maybe more that don't?
It's unmistakable that she's taller. It'd be easy to miss, since it's not quite two inches, but it's noticeable given their positions.
Where once there was her lilac hair -- so colorful, sure, but also so limp -- is now a... brown-black mop, just a bit lighter than Marusan or Namiko's hair where it isn't dyed. The ends are a little fried on top of being dyed, and her dyejob -- which must predate Tsutsujidai fully -- is uneven, and fades out about halfway up.
There are other differences, here and there. This Akane has a bit more baby fat than she did as she presented herself before, especially in her cheeks, and is... just a bit less top-heavy. (That one, you'd probably have to be looking to notice, honestly.) Her eyes are... red, or brown, or somewhere in the middle. It's hard to say just how much is in the way the light catches them, and you'd swear one was just a little brighter...
Her skin, of course, isn't perfect. Her short sleeves make some things apparent -- a few scars, here and there. One on her arm, from a pimple that kept bugging her and got her picking at it. Another just above her collarbone marks a playground fight that ended with her falling on a drink can. ... there's three along her right bicep, too -- each about a quarter of the way around, in clean parallel. There might be a fourth below it, though that one's quite faded and half as long.
A shallow appreciation would never mistake this for the Akane Shinjo of Tsutsujidai -- all poison-marking colors and perfect, scarless (bondless) skin. An attentive gaze, however, would instantly pick her out. Certainly the way she makes herself just a little smaller as she pushes her hair aside a bit -- the way she looks down and, startled, brings her hand up to her bicep... then thinks better of it and brings both hands up to her face... the strained smile, and then the anxious tilt of her head just a little bit down...
These are as 'Akane Shinjo' as anything could ever be.
"... I wish I thought about the sleeves," she concedes, before anything else; her knees draw inward a bit, and she leans forward about fifteen degrees or so. "I don't think I'm ready for everyone to see this me again, but... I think I owe it to you to let you see me like this."
Her heart feels like it's going to burst in fear -- but maybe some things are worth enduring a little fear for.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Rikka listens as Akane starts to say something. She doesn't interrupt her - it seems important to her, so she'll give her all the time she needs to put her thoughts together. She explains, then... that there's something she needs her to see. That Akane changed when she came to Tsutsujidai.
"...Okay. I'm ready." Rikka says with a nod. She watches, then, as Akane lets out a breath... and changes. Rikka stares. Her eyes go wide, and her breath gets caught in her throat. And she is, for a moment, overwhelmed - but in a way that sends her heart soaring. Some changes are subtle, some are not/ Rikka notices all of them, of course. She takes everything in, eyes tracking across the difference in height, her hair and body... the scars. It takes her a second to remind herself to breathe, and she breathes out.
A shallow appreciation would never mistake her for the Akane Shinjo of Tsutsujidai. But Rikka's appreciation for Akane has never been shallow. She knows, intrinsically, that this is Akane Shinjo. The way she moves, the way she smiles, strained, with an anxious head tilt... Her heart tells her that it is surely her. Every little thing about her that she loves is there, in her movements.
"No, it's okay." Rikka assures quickly, as Akane admits that she wishes she'd thought about the sleeves. "I... want to see them. I'm glad to have seen them."
Scars tell a story. Not necessarily always a happy one - Rikka can make... assumptions about some of them, given the medical knowledge she's since accumulated since she first started taking first aid classes. But the story they tell is Akane Shinjo, proof of her lived history. She accepts and loves her, everything she is, down even to the last scar.
"...Thank you for showing me. I'm... really glad you did. You're beautiful... All of you." Rikka says with a smile, a blush creeping across her face. "I'm... really lucky, getting a chance to fall in love with the same woman all over again..."
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Akane reaches up -- thinks of re-buttoning the top couple buttons of her shirt, thinks of trying to hide again, but -- Rikka says she's glad to have seen them, and Akane allows herself to feel the sentiment behind that encouragement. Her hand returns to Rikka's, resting on it... and more than that, she allows herself to lean back again, too. The tension flows out of her legs.
... Many places are going to be a challenge for Akane to be herself. Here, alone, with Rikka? That's... not one of them. She can't... no, she won't let it be.
And then Rikka says the slickest thing imaginable and the moment shifts -- not because it gets worse, but because it gets so, so much better. "Ee -- aah?!" she startles, but it's the kind of startle that comes with a smile and a bright pink in her face. "Rikka -- ahaha, oh my gosh, you can't pull off being that smooth," comes her insistence, but really it's just that if she gets hit with that again she's going to explode. "Maybe 'good girl' was kinda off base for you..."
Is that -- teasing? Without ejecting? Admittedly, it's just dipping her toes in on the teasing scale, compared to some of her usual, but...
"... if that's how you feel, then... I don't see any reason to keep sitting here doing nothing." Scooting closer, she asks, "What do you want to do next? I kinda have the feeling that, like... it's going to be a bit before I get out of here, but I want to get started." Embarrassed, she concedes, "We did kinda waste a year and a half. Let's not waste any more."
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Rikka can feel Akane relaxing, leaning back and becoming less tense. Once again, her hand comes to rest on her own. ...It's good. And when she finishes her statement, Akane startles - and it's so good to see that genuine smile and the blush, and hear her laughter. Rikka smiles back. Akane teases her, and Rikka waits anticipating the ejection that she's come to expect.
...It doesn't come. Rikka's a little surprised by this, but she smiles.
"Hahah... you think so?" She replies, laughing along with her. "I tried really hard, too... I guess I'll have to practicing on you."
Akane scoots closer, then... and Rikka's face becomes just a bit more red in response.
"If it's with you, I could sit here doing nothing for forever..." Rikka admits. ...But, she raises a good point. She nods. "...Yeah. I don't want to waste a single second longer, either."
She hesitates for a moment, and it's clear she's working up some courage.
"Um... there is one thing I'd like to do... If you're ready for it." Rikka replies. She waits a second longer and then she leans in, her face drawing closer to Akane's...
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Akane brings her free hand up to her dark hair, as Rikka suggests she'll have to keep practicing on her. "... I wouldn't mind that," she says, in her usual, passive way -- it's not what she wants to say, but... getting to that stage is a process, and one that's only in its first step.
... they've got a lot of steps after that, and Akane wants to set off running.
... It takes Akane just a few seconds longer than she'd like to fully process what Rikka's angling at with the 'one thing she'd like to do,' and another couple to ask herself if she's ready --
-- and then she turns more fully toward Rikka, wrapping her arms around her again, letting herself get tangled around her in that awkward, messy way as her lips press in for a kiss.
No sooner does she than a sigh escapes through her nose, and she really leans into it -- letting her neck tilt back a bit and her body sag into Rikka's, years of tension finally coming out of her. Her hand comes up into that shiny, blue-black hair, as that hair in turn mingles a bit with Akane's own slightly-fried, neglected brown-black locks.
Lips press to lips as Akane lets her eyes shut. Those lips feel like they have gravity to them, like they'd draw Akane up and into their orbit if she were to fall -- so she lets herself, trusting that she's been caught.
She'd been so afraid of herself for wanting this? How could she possibly be afraid in a world where she could have this?
When she'd made one of her worst mistakes, Utsumi had made it clear -- the problem was never with what she wanted... just the control she'd chosen to exert to get it.
... so she lets go of that, too. She entrusts Rikka with how long this lasts, how far it goes, and when it stops -- the way she should have from the start.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
'I wouldn't mind that.' Rikka nods back at Akane, with a smile. She can leave things at that passive response for now.
And, Rikka waits. It's a waiting without expectation or obligation - letting Akane decide for herself if she's ready. And the answer she receives... is Akane turning to meet her, arms wrapping, tangling around her. Lips press against her own, and she feels Akane's body sag against her.
Rikka is there to support her and lean into her in turn, to hold her and embrace her in her arms.
She's content to leave it at kissing, for now, and holding onto and enjoying each other's presence. But she can feel Akane's trust, and it means the world to her - she means the world to her, and always has. She doesn't need words to communicate that.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
When at last they pull away from each other, Akane takes a deep, almost gasping breath; she's forgotten what it is to have garbage conditioning, to need to breathe, to be hungry and sweaty and tired -- but you need to be hungry and sweaty and tired, sometimes, to be fed and relieved and rested.
Letting that breath out with a giggle, Akane tries to find words -- and fails to. She remains in Rikka's arms, with Rikka in hers.
"I love you," she says again, and she rubs at her face, starting to tear up a bit. "I -- had something I wanted to give you for your birthday, but I guess we kinda missed... huh. Both of those." ... days start to matter, again, bit by bit, and --
"... oh, I wonder if they'll let me make honmei-choco. Does this place even have a kitchen? And -- wait, which order do you do things when you're both girls?"
... with both of their birthdays and Christmas freshly in the rear-view, Valentine's Day is the next big occasion, huh...
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
Akane's giggle is infectious, and Rikka finds herself giggling along with her, still flush with the joy of this new experience.
"And I love you." Rikka replies. Her smile softens a little as she sees the tears. Akane mentions, then, that she had something she wanted to give her. ...But, they've missed both of theirs. "...Yeah..."
There's quiet - but Akane speaks up. It takes Rikka a second, but she perks up a little as she makes the connection.
"Oh! Uh... They live here, right? I guess they could import it from the surface, but they probably prepare food somewhere..." Rikka considers. "...I'm sure they will, if you ask them. I can... ask them with you, if you want."
And then Akane asks a question and Rikka pauses, looking puzzled for a moment. She has to take a moment to consider it.
"That's- ...I don't know, actually..." Rikka admits. "I guess... we can decide for ourselves...?"
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
... God, it's so obvious when Rikka says it. Akane feels so alienated from -- preparing food, from thinking about the how and where and why of food even arriving... even though she enjoys thinking about that kind of thing, so often.
"... yeah, that sounds nice." They'll probably be more predisposed to letting her be around a bunch of sharp objects and fire if she isn't unattended -- but more than that, well... even if it ruins the surprise element a bit, the idea of doing something like that together...
"... Obviously we just both do chocolate both days," Akane concludes, matter-of-factly, letting herself be greedy for the affection. "... Nnnooooooooo, I'm gonna have to start running or something if I don't wanna get fat. This girlfriend thing is hard already!" she whines, and then starts laughing again, still so full of genuine joy.
It's... so much easier to figure these things out together than alone.
<Pose Tracker> Rikka Takarada has posed.
"Yeah." Rikka replies with a nod and a smile. ...There's so many new roads available to them, aren't there? So many things they can do together now - and little things, that can be enriched with the presence of the other... Her mind races with all the things they can do now, but she forces herself to focus on the present as Akane comes to a conclusion.
"Obviously." Rikka agrees with a nod and laughs a little as Akane whines. "I know, I know, but it'll be worth it, right?"
And as Akane bursts into laughter Rikka bursts into laughter too - and as it peters out she rests her chin on her shoulder with a contented sigh.
<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
Leaning into the hug fully again, Akane lets herself settle into a long period of companionable silence with Rikka, holding her -- allowing both of them just to exist in the place they are, for now. It's so much more than she would've ever allowed herself to want -- and what a gift it is.
There'll come a time to move, no doubt -- she'll need to untangle her medication situation, or talk with one of the operations staff about next steps, or... really, any number of things.
That makes it all the more important to enjoy this moment, though. She lets herself do just that, remaining in Rikka's embrace until that moment comes.