2024-09-18: First Response
- Log: 2024-09-18: First Response
- Cast: Emilia Eschonbach, Leina Ashta
- Where: Asticassia School of Technology
- OOC - IC Date: 18 September 0099
- Summary: Finally off standby, Leina finds herself drawn to feelings of pain on Asticassia- Emilia, still reeling from her and Milly's break up. Leina's never been one to sit by when someone's hurting and when she can do something about it. Sometimes you just need somewhere safe to cry.
<Pose Tracker> Emilia Eschonbach has posed.
Ultimately, there'd been no point in running. There was no one coming after her. One final painful blow shouldn't have come as a surprise, yet she did.
She didn't even know where she was running to, and given that it was pointless... Emilia just stopped. Some random hallway, she didn't know. Students were coming and going- some did stop to look at her, seeing someone not in uniform- but none of them actually stopped to check on her. Why would they?
She walked slowly over to the wall, pressed her back against it then slid down until she was seated, pulling her knees to her chest. She had told herself she wouldn't cry in front of Milly-
But crying as a horde of uncaring students walked past her through the halls wasn't that. Besides. She'd done that plenty of times before, after all.
Clutched in her hand are they key and the keycard. The proof that it was over. That there was nothing there anymore. The sign that Milly wanted nothing more to do with her after all.
She tries really hard to stop anyone hearing the sobs as best she can.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
It lasted strictly longer than was necessary. However, one day it ended, and she was taken off standby.
Isolation makes one stir crazy, in that sense, especially someone who feels she needs to do something and... just wasn't allowed to do so.
It also makes Newtypes uncommonly sensitive. Perceiving the world only through a distance, through phones and - senses, feeling it's grief far away, without any frame of reference beside you.
And so once off the shuttle back to the Asticassia Front, she walked, and one might say it's aimless, but it's not.
It's more like she's moving towards a destination. A duffle bag over her shoulder, a uniform, with purple accents rather than red ones.
You just walk - and walk - and walk - in ways you couldn't before, towards those feelings you could do nothing about before.
You just walk - and walk - and walk - towards something you can fix. You walk. You walk - and you walk - until...
... a hand comes to rest upon Emilia's shoulder, "Hey." It's soft, but with enough familiarity in her hearing. Before she then moves beside her, and puts an arm around her, hugging her from the side - unless she doesn't allow that.
"You look like you need a friendly face." Leina says, concern obvious in her voice. "Let's get you to a safer place for this, okay?"
She doesn't even ask what's wrong yet, instead she just tries to guide her towards the Girl's Bathroom. Whereupon entering and after a quick check, Leina hits a code on a console that she's not supposed to know which shifts the restroom into Janitorial mode, locks the door, and shifts open a panel which warns of it being cleaned.
Orange Haros suddenly roll out of slots in the walls, beginning to clean, with little scrub brushes, as Leina faces Emilia to her, "Wanna talk about it?" Leina asks her, before adding, "You don't have to either. If you just need to have a good cry."
<Pose Tracker> Emilia Eschonbach has posed.
She was expecting to be ignored, maybe even unnoticed. It's easy to ignore someone in pain and making themself small, after all. People who care are few and far between- it's something Emilia has relied on more than once. honestly.
So when someone touches her, she's caught by surprise. When it's a voice she recognizes, well... it's easier to just follow on autopilot, after all. For better or worse, Leina has pulled off miracle after miracle for Emmy, despite everything. Being there for people at their lowest just seems to be something Leina does.
It takes a few moments once they're in the bathroom for her to really orient, but the tears have clearly been flowing. But with someone there, someone asking...
Well. Emmy doesn't clam up the same way she used to anymore.
"M-M-M-M-Milly..." She manages to get out, with more difficulty than she expected. It's not something she ever expected to say, to be fair.
No wonder Mineva treated her like a naive, idiot child sometimes. She couldn't even believe that things would end like this.
She can hear words in an old man's bitter, Britannian voice in the back of her head. It hurts.
"Sh. Sh-she b-broke up. W-with me."
It's stupid. Stupid for her to be crying about this. She's lost her home more than once. She's lost her parents, her friends, her eye...
And sure, she cried about all of them but why is this- why is someone not loving her anymore hurting so much right now. She's *used* to not being loved, isn't she?
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
She gives time for Emilia to reorient, and what she says...
... Leina waits, thinking maybe they got into some big argument, but there's - a growing dread it's bigger than that. When she says 'she broke up with me' Leina wraps her arms around her in a hug.
"God. I'm sorry." She squeezes tightly, "I've been there, and I know it feels like - the worst, like you can't go on - like it feels like death, when it's someone you love."
And then she just holds her in that hug, even if they're not especially close, it's a sort of 'girl solidarity' that most women can empathize with instantly.
"Whatever you need to do - cry it out - scream - talk about it - the world can wait."
She tries to meet her eye with her seagreen ones, she notes, "And I can be here with you while you do." When she thinks Emmy isn't looking, Leina reaches out to set the Haro cycle for a 'deep clean'.
The timer suddenly shifts into a VERY long timer. This is supposed to only happen at night once a week but screw it. Everyone can go a floor up or one building over.
<Pose Tracker> Emilia Eschonbach has posed.
She wasn't expecting the hug, honestly. A part of her wants to refuse it, to lash out like she used to, to do anything. After all, she already ruined things between Mineva and Leina because Leina saved her.
Instead, she just leans into it, letting Leina hold her. She needs it right now. More than anything. Even if it's just solidarity, even if it's just because Leina's a good person who can't bear to see someone hurting.
It's hard to talk, as she sobs into Leina's chest, body shaking. Her hand gripped so tightly around that keycard that it hurts. She doesn't notice the cleaning mode get extended. It's all a bit much right now.
"Sh-sh-she... w-w-w-w-wouldn't even. She. Sh-sh-she..."
All she'd wanted was for Milly to... to give her anything. Any sign of care, of love, of... And that's when the crying scream comes out, echoing throughout the bathroom as best as it can.
It makes her feel weaker, more pathetic. The Black Knights would have laughed at her, except for Kallen. The best case is that her squadmates wouldn't care- but honestly she'd probably be chided for her distractibility. And Mineva... Mineva probably would have wrapped her in cotton wool about it, keep an even closer eye on her, smother her rather than help.
"...j-j-just. G-gave me th-the key to. T-t-to. The st-storage with my st-st-stuff."
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Leina does rub her back, as Emilia sobs against her, her body shaking, she doesn't say anything for a time, just letting her cry, just letting herself be... this place, for her to deal with these feelings.
It's something she can do, as compared to the nothing she could do for weeks.
Leina doesn't prompt her to talk, even when Emilia speaks and can't finish the statement, and becomes a crying scream. And this time Leina just, rubs her back, moving in that circular motion, at the small of her back.
Eventually though - Emilia gets out the rest, and Leina says gently, "It's not okay. That really sucks." Is Leina's evaluation, "You're someone who loved her. You deserved at least the decency of an explanation."
She just continues, in that rubbing motion, eventually saying quietly, "I'm sorry Emilia. You..."
It's eventually just... she trails off for a while, "... maybe it's hard to tell yourself this in this moment, but you deserve better - and since you didn't get it - you can be as sad and angry about it as you need to be, and want to be."
Maybe tomorrow, maybe a week from now - she'd eventually tell her 'and then you have to get up on your own two feet and keep moving forward.' but... not today.
Not today.
<Pose Tracker> Emilia Eschonbach has posed.
The little circles against her back seem to help steady her, if not calm her down. It's strange how much Leina is like Kallen, in that respect. Not trying to fix it, or distract her... just. Letting her feel.
That brings up a new wave of sadness. She still didn't even know if Kallen was even *alive*. Or Sousuke. Or Kaname. Or really most people from Ashford.
And the best chance she had of knowing just tossed her aside. The sobbing comes back in earnest, and this time she actually returns Leina's hug, gripping tightly around her waist. She's wordless for a few minutes as Leina does her best to comfort her.
"...sh-she. Didn't e-e-even try. N-n-not to see m-me. Not. Not t-t-to."
It's too hard. It hurts too much. She just...
...she did deserve better. That's part of why it stings so much. Milly was the first person to really, truly, try and give her better, to change things for her, to help her change.
"...h-h-had to. K-k-keep it a s-s-secret. I th-th-thought... I thought sh-sh-she'd finally... tell p-people. A-a-a-about us."
It's tearing at her now. Milly never changed- she never changed, while Emilia had to keep changing just to keep alive. She'd betrayed the thing she supposedly held sacred.
She definitely deserved better. She just thought so badly that Milly was it.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
And for those minutes, Leina just holds her, against the sound of the muffled - and louder sobbing, against the sounds of the Haros cleaning. She doesn't do anything but hold her.
She can be patient, she can wait. Just this quite, rhythmic comfort, this solidarity. This idea that when you're in the middle of a breakup - there should always be someone there for you.
Someone who's in your corner.
"God really? Not once?" She sounds, upset about that herself, "Like all those months that you were there..." Like, she would have just thought Milly didn't know, but if it's that she didn't TRY?
Yeah, that makes her angry too, but she allows herself to deescalate, because ever heightened anger isn't necessarily good for them both, it feeds upon itself in a loop.
It's Emilia that should get to feel her anger, as much as she needs to feel it. Not for her to just - feed into it.
"How's that make you feel?" Leina asks her, gently, "Were you looking forward to it, finally being open about it?" She asks, "And that just... that desire got betrayed?"
She's at least trying to make it clear tha Emilia doesn't have to respond to this, if she can't or doesn't want to but - sometimes a desire for someone to understand your feelings helps a person make... sense of those feelings.
Getting them out of their own head.
Releasing them into the world, to another person, to empathize with you.
It's something she at least - wants to give her.
<Pose Tracker> Emilia Eschonbach has posed.
Emmy shakes her head. "M-M-M-" She stops. "A-Audrey... t-t-told me she had r-reached out to M-Milly, b-b-but..." God. How could she be so stupid. Enough of her friends did find her. Did reach out. But her own *girlfriend* didn't. Not once she had actually told Milly she loved her. Not once...
Emmy screams again, rawer, weaker. Enough that it hurts her this time- but she needs to. The emotions are too big, too many at once. It hurts so much- and it hurts that she couldn't see it.
"Y-y-y-yeah..." Emmy says, quietly. "We... w-w-we went to prom t-t-together. But." She shakes her head. "...I... d-d-danced more with S-Sousuke than I did. W-with her." Indeed, there were enough people somehow thinking that she and Jindai's former resident military but were dating, even though that dance was only because of the votes. Hell, Emmy had nudged him to go see Tessa and Kaname *very* publicly.
Admittedly, people seemed more likely to think she and Tessa were dating, too. Someone else Emmy can never see again.
"I... w-w-wanted her t-t-to. So b-b-badly." She shudders. "B-but... she w-w-wouldn't. C-cause of her M-Mom. C-c-cause of her f-f-family rep. B-b-b-because. Britannian high s-s-s-society w-w-wouldn't accept a l-lesbian." She growls the words through her sobs. "A-as if. A-a-as if wh-what B-Britannia th-thinks... m-m-m-matters..."
At this rating, it's looking like Emmy is going to have to cry everything out the hard way, until she's out of tears or feelings or both.
"...I w-w-would have. I w-w-w-w-would h-h-have..."
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
It's painful to hear about Audrey's effort too, she knows that she would have spared none to find her either, only for Milly to...
... Emilia's scream in a sense, says it all, and Leina just holds her more tightly, letting her do that. It doesn't matter that she eats that emotional backlash in her ears at point blank - in her feelings point blank.
She needs this.
"I know it sucks in Britannia but - I can't imagine how hard that must have been to you, to feel constrained - especially once you got out." Leina tells her, softly, "Even up here like - it's not encouraged, but it's not under threat either?"
Sousuke huh? For a moment, Leina considers telling her but... no - he's on the run, from Amalgam, from Tessa's brother. It's best not to complicate things.
However, Emilia keeps saying how badly she wanted this, and... "It sounds like she feared more what she she stood to lose, by telling the world about the two of you, than losing you." Leina repeats softly. "Britannian Society was awful to you though. Like - God. Who'd want all that? What's so important that she'd have to live under the rules of a place that abused someone she says she loved?"
Leina understands the allure of money, of status, of all of it - she also understands the cost, "It hollows a person out, living that way." She tells her quietly, and part of her remembers an empty room, the white noise of hands clapping.
Her arms tighten around her, and after a long moment, she tells her, "You would have?" She asks, but doesn't demand an answer.
The world has demanded enough of Emilia for one day.
<Pose Tracker> Emilia Eschonbach has posed.
She nods. For better or worse, she'd seen so many non-Britannian perspectives now- by GUTS, through the Black Knights, through secret trips to the colonies and even through her new allies. She'd just thought Milly was strong enough to push against that, not just... give in and try and wait it out. "Sh-she's a n-n-n-noble. I'm. N-n-not." ...Not of Britannia. Not even of Zeon, really. No matter how much she wanted to have had that chance, even after all the terrible things she's learned about her father's family and their successors.
She doesn't know what Leina's not telling her. If she did...
How much of her safety would she burn to know?
"H-h-her mom. E-e-expected her to. M-m-marry u-up." She says- and some part of Emilia understands that loyalty- or misunderstands it, more aptly. She never met Mrs Ashford. She has to imagine the person Milly wanted to live up to was like Emilia's memories of her own mother. The realization that she probably wasn't... doesn't help. "...d-did she even... r-really..." She shakes her head. She doesn't want to know. It would hurt more to imagine that Milly never loved her, that she was just so used to the inertia that she accepted Emmy's feelings. But now that thought is in her head too, toxic and twisting, writhing through her mind.
But... maybe Milly had become hollow, like Leina said. And that... didn't feel good either.
"R-r-run away." She says, finally. "W-w-with h-her."
Emilia, a woman who cannot tolerate leaving a fight before she finishes it, a woman who will fight so recklessly and ruthlessly- a woman who wanted to go mano e mano with the Red Comet at his peak- would have been prepared to run if Milly came with her.
"...st-st-stupid." She mumbles, quietly. "I sh-sh-should. I-I-I-I should kn-know that f-f-f-fairy tales a-aren't r-real."
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
Leina snorts indelicately at that, "So what?" So what if someone's a noble, and someone's not. That privilege gives you more responsibility not to be a jackass, not less.
"That's meaningless if you really love someone." She says quietly, and indeed maybe part of it does invoke feelings of Emilia's mother and her father, even if that's not her intention.
Indeed, her arms tighten around Emilia again as she asks the question, but doesn't finish.
"I wish she did - run away with you." She whispers softly, "It's not wrong to dream of life being a fairy tale."
And at that point, her seagreen eyes dip down just to meet her watery ones again, "It's not wrong, to hope for wonder - romance."
There's this sad smile for a moment, "I don't know, I mean - I like to think I'm a sensible girl, not a hopeless romantic but... but several times I thought I was there myself, a fairy tale ending." She sighs quietly, "I'm not, living my life like marriage is... 'the' happy ending to cap it all off or something, but..."
She takes a moment to regather herself, then says quietly, "The point is, it's not stupid. And even if you're feeling this way right now - it's not wrong to hope for that again, Emilia."
<Pose Tracker> Emilia Eschonbach has posed.
'That's meaningless if you really love someone.'
It's both a knife and a salve. Leina's right. Her mother and father were prepared to give up their places in society to be together, or force society to change.
...even if his father's last words, last thoughts, were about glory to Zeon rather than her mother.
Leina's the only one talking though, while Emmy listens. As she talks about how it's not wrong to dream, to hope... to want a happy ending. That somehow stings more, doesn't more? That she was right to want those things, those things that can't come true?
But if she can't hold some kind of hope, some kind of dream... Something more than extinction...
Then is she really any different than Milly, sitting still in an office unchanging?
...that hurts too.
But she can't... she won't be that.
Not that she has anything left in her to say. She continues to sob, quieter now.
She'll have to pick herself up eventually, have to act eventually...
But today all she can do is cry and scream and hurt and that has to be enough for her right now. At least she's not doing it alone.
<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.
And she gives her that. All of it, the time she needs. Eventually, helping her clean up.
"Okay. Hey - let's go back to my room. You can take a shower, lay down in a real bed. I'll cook you something nice. Some Spanish Comfort Food."
And indeed... it's as promised, along with several boxes of tissues.
It does take a LITTLE convincing to use the good kitchen but...
Eventually it gets Emilia a plate of Croquetas, some Churros, with some chocolate for dipping.
Perhaps it won't ease the pain of a breakup, but it definitely tastes good, and reminds her to eat.
<Pose Tracker> Emilia Eschonbach has posed.
Emmy is pretty easy to guide back to Leina's room- though there's some concern and fright when she's guided to Front Management instead of one of the normal dorms. Still... it's not like Leina of all people would be someone to sell her out.
She accepts the offers, at least, cleaning herself up and just accepting Leina's support, difficult as it is. She feels like an intruder, a little, even if she's invited in. When Leina comes in with the food, she eats at least.
It's nice, it's stuff she's never tried before but the circumstances make it hard to actually enjoy. It's not going to magically stop her hurting, after all...
But it helps distract her. It helps her manage through it, even though that stings. That's enough for now, right?