2023-07-14: Another Day

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<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.


It's not a difficult matter for Tessa to visit the Mass Villa. Certainly, it's a hassle to arrange it with Mardukas and Mithril right now in the aftermath of the crisis, but in truth, Mithril is handling a lot of the security around the Villa grounds.

It's perhaps impressive the sheer amount of security that is present without any outward signs of activity around the Villa. Right now, it would look as if noone lives there from the outside. There is a new security station out front, but in part it's security theater disguising the more effective defenses.

Tessa however, wouldn't come in through the front. Instead she's brought to the same escape tunnel as before. It's being monitored too, to make certain that the Vist Foundation isn't watching it. It's that same complex navigation of paths through the tunnel as before, of false passages and routes such that she might remember the way.

There is little light, other than the flashlight of her guide, a member of the Maganac Corps, a mercenary company of Shuffle that's famously known for never having lost a man.

That may be a fact Tessa both admires, and loathes at the moment.

The security in the wine cellar is waiting for them. As a brief check is made, mostly to be certain there's no talented imposter filling her shoes. There's more activity inside the Villa, belying its outward appearance.

In the end, she's taken upstairs, to Leina's room, and the door opens, to a fashionable woman in her mid-20's with blonde hair inspecting Tessa for a moment, before her eyes light up.

"Oh you're her bigshot friend that was supposed to be coming-!" As she then looks behind her in the room, presumably at Leina, whistling, "Damn! A Colonel! Gonna be giving Bright so much shit about how this gorgeous girl's got him beat on how fast she's climbing that ladder."

She opens the door wider, then tells her, "Come on in. I'll just be giving you two some privacy." As she slips out, giving Tess and Leina one last wave before shutting the door but remaining presumably, nearby.

Leina's room is not how shall we say it, the lap of luxury. It's rather normal, in how one might expect a teenager going on young adult's room to look. It's covered with Sheryl Nome memorabilia, activist slogans, and theater keepsakes. There are medals from her swim meets, and pictures all over the room. Pictures of her doing Yumi Foundation volunteer work, at School, cast pictures from plays she'd been a part of, and one picture perhaps that stands out...

... of her at age eleven, with the crew of the Argama and Nahel Argama, after the war was over.

Leina's settled comfortably on her bed. There are perhaps, far too many pillows and covers. There is a trashbin nearby, with a lot of crumpled up tissues. She's wearing an oversized T-Shirt, Natural Lychee, and some pajama bottoms. It's clear her weight hasn't really recovered yet. They look oversized on her, like she's wearing a boyfriend's- or an older sister's.

She tries her best to smile at her, "Hey Tessa. How-" Her smile waves a touch as it settles in how much has happened, since then, eyes flecked with concerns, "-how are you holding up? I... I don't get much news about- about what's going on in Shuffle after I got cut off but... Sayla told me about- about..." She repeats, then sucks in a breath- "God you must be a wreck." before she pats her bed, as if offering her a seat beside her.

"If you want to, get away from it for a while- or... if... if you need to talk or-" Or cry perhaps, but she stops herself after a moment, as if realizing that she's just falling into her old habits of just taking care of everyone, when she's the one who's supposed to let others care for her right now.

She cracks a really thin smile as as she lands on an alternate possibility, "I-If you want to just, spend the whole night scolding me on what a dummy I was- I'm just, I've earned every single 'I told you so.' that'd be coming to me."

<Pose Tracker> Teletha Testarossa has posed.

There's always a small sense of admiration whenever she comes to a place that she knows is guarded by Mithril. To see the various small adjustments in place, to know how the guards, cameras, and other such surveillance is littered thoughout the area so naturally so as to invite complacency from any intruders before snagging them. Fakeouts, obvious traps laid by multiple contigencies, and the minor shows of forces for anyone cognizant enough.

The escape tunnel is already familiar to her after one go around, following her guide perfectly. The sight of them being from the Maganac Corps...It looks like she can't internally preen about being the same sort of commanding officer as them. It takes a while for that sullen gaze to try and lighten itself up in the cover of darkness, only returning to her former anticipation (and, if she had to admit, trepidation) upon seeing the wine cellar at the end of the tunnel. It's a strangely soothing scent, the stench of cedar and the cool temperature of fermented grapes in the air...

One check later (A memorized call-response phrase, eyes, fingerprints, and digitally encrypted card), and she headed up into the house proper. An eye cast by where that girls night out happened, the empty floor dredging up happier memories.

The sight of a person recognizing her does give her pause before straightening her back a bit. Right. She's still technically among people at work. "He's still going on, after all this time? I wish him the best of luck." ...After all this time, and she just supplanted him? Since when? A year ago? She started so young. Was this the power of...how do you call it? Youth?

A nod as she walked in, taking a moment to breathe before facing Leina properly. There's a slough of visible relief coming from her, shoulders drooping as her smile only brightens, those tired eyes broadcasting sheer catharisis. "Hey Leina." In the end, that's what she managed to say as her first words towards her friend.

"I think...I'm holding fine enough." Ah, no, no! Leina's supposed to recover, you can't just push every worry onto her. "We're doing what we can." What we still can. She does take that offered seat, brushing the blanket flat before sitting down.

"...I can't call you an idiot, Leina. I took a look at the files." It took a while to properly parse through the shorthand, but afterwards...What a mess. What a genuine mess. There's a sense of having to pick her words carefully, of not accidentally setting anything off. "Why would I scold you on anything other than..." ...Her words trail off as she faces away. How to phrase it. She's being delicate; Perhaps overly so, with how her fingers nervously tap against the mattress. Flicking her eyes elsewhere, taking in the room at large.

"Other than thinking you had no one ready to drag you back to Earth?" Blunt, but still. "I'm...I'm fine enough, really. What about you? The reports say you're doing better overall..." She has to believe in the written word. It's the sole source of truth.

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.


The person in question looks quite cheerfully smug at Tessa's response, "Hm hm hm~ So he knows! Even better. Even better." However, it's not long until she's left them alone.

Presumably to go call Bright Noa (No.)

A thin smile at hearing her say her name, but at holding, 'Fine enough.' Leina looks visibly torn, because noone in the history of ever has been that after what Tessa went through.

Yet, she knows she's not really in a good state to care for someone else. All of that is, still within her head. Those thoughts.

"Okay." She accepts it, with a word, "What you can." She echoes, with the subtle change of we to you as Tessa sits, and perhaps there's relief...

...a bundle of anxiety right now, whenever anyone sees her, but Tessa sat there when offered. "Really? I think there's plenty."

But- her eyes drift away as she processes what Tessa says about the files, "Why would you? I don't... know. My head's a mess. Everything is my fault. And nothing is. I can't... really trust myself right now"

As she conveys the two competing ideas between her rational mind, and her feelings once so small, now exacerbated within her. "You got pretty heated up there. But, it's only natural given- given how I was."

Leina exhales through her nostrils, listening to the muted tap of Tessa's fingers, and- "I won't lie to you and say those thoughts are... all artificial. Been there for a long time, they were just, smaller. Ever since a Neo-Zeon demagogue made me his pet doll, ever since I took to his lessons far better than I thought- I thought I should."

Slowly, she looks back hesitant to view Tessa out of the periphery, "I thought- he'd succeeded in turning me into, someone like Martha Vist Carbine. Or no, that I was already there, and all he did was give me more tools."

Tessa can feel the chaotic mess of thoughts in this moment, Leina's hand is on the mattress too, and maybe it is just a moment, an accidental brush as she shifts position...

... a younger girl, in a party dress. It's red, but Tessa won't be fooled, by the drip, drip, drip of a wound in the abdomen. Trailing blood.

A younger man, Judau, carrying her, as he flees, explosions surrounding them. Words from her lips, as if a confession from the dying.

I'm such a bad girl, telling all those lies. At this rate, heaven won't want me.

"I don't know. I suppose I thought that noone should- be there, for someone like me. I have memories of- marching right into her office, betraying my loved ones to the powers that be- to people I hate. To Newtype scientists like Murasame."

A shake of her head, a soft sigh, "... All fake. All lies. But it made those feelings... untenable."

In the end, it's unclear if she even understands what she passed to Tessa. Her sea-green eyes now look at Tessa for a time, and there's, sympathy, uncertainty. On her saying she's fine enough.

"I'm-" The word hangs, and for a time she wonders if she should tell her about Gail's letter, a struggle. Then it turns into a sigh, "-I'm better. Deprogramming sessions, three sessions a week. He made- made it difficult, like- things programmed in my psyche to be... obstacles, but- we'll get there- I'll get there."

She cracks a smile at her, "Not ready for that- that wild party yet with our- boyfriends and girlfriends, you were wanting... but- maybe sooner than you think." And in that moment, her left eye winks at her, "Maybe."

<Pose Tracker> Teletha Testarossa has posed.

Tessa is trying to relax. Trying to let her guard down in spite of everything, trying to allow herself to breathe and to allow that smile to hold. Stuffy. Like everything was so in place, so formalized, so stringent. THere's rationale, there's reason, but it's still...For once, stifling. Understanding, but stifling.

What she can. What she herself can. THe change in subject did ring in her mind; Something she'll have to weigh on her own, another minor weight upon her shoulders. It'll have to do; She can't, in good conscience, push anything onto Leina. Multiple people would have her head if anyone found out she pushed Leina into acting.

"Because I can't look away from someone in need." The need to know more. The want to know more. The old adage: Know your enemy better than they know themselves. A sick proposition for a friend, but...When the brain is an enemy, it counts. "...Trusting your thoughts is hard. I said what I was, right?" It's...A stretch, at best. But it's something. "How long it took for me to trust my own thoughts when the reality hit me..." A forlorn tone.

Her eyes rest on the faraway picture of a young girl. Deathly obvious. The tenuous dance of wanting to face Leina headon, of trying to face her naked thoughts against the mirror of someone trusting her in this moment. The self-doubt was all there at the start...? A gulp to wet her parching throat. "...Mhm. Trusting yourself is hard." Tautology. "It's something we have to do every day."

There's a minute jolt as that snippet of something sparks through her brain, the new room of comprehension and events in the ever-present, same-size house in an instant. Mouth open before settling on a benign gaze. Keep steady. There's so much.

"I..." ...To trust yourself, huh? "It's hard. I know I can't say anything that'll push you through it." A twisting mouth. Thoughts are thoughts, but the internal wants of the soul will rebel against anything and everything, no matter how rational it is, no matter how irrational those thoughts are. "I wish I could say things get magically better. That you learn to trust yourself again." There's a hint of something else. The deprogramming makes sense. But...To learn to trust yourself again. Trust...

"That's good. That's all I can ask you to do right now. Three times a week, however-" ...Was that the right thing to say? However long? Every second is precious. Every moment is precious. However long? However long until it isn't, until there's blood on the floor and a casket to cart? "...Three times a week. However long it takes." Not even evading the intrusive thought in her mind.

There's a smile pushing up on her lips, nodding back as she holds back a shudder of emotion. There's so much in her mind, but she can't toss them on. "Not maybe." The attempt at optimism. "I...Ah...I did get a bit loud there. I'm sorry for that." However liberating it felt to free her emotions, she had to hold them down. An eager commander doesn't command respect, so she thinks. "We were trying out space maneuvers for preparation when your thoughts went out, and..." Well. She knew the rest of that bit.

"Things are happening so quickly, and so much, and with what happened with Mithril we're trying our best to sort ourselves out with Shuffle and all, and Decufest is starting, and I know you're not far apart enough to know what happened with Sayla, and...and..." The dam of emotions crack the slightest bit, piercing forth in a ramble with the accompanied radiance of someone relieved, someone anxious, someone so wanting to know more but not wanting to impose.

A breathless giggle at the end of it. "I can't believe my ship could fly."

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.


"You did." Leina affirms quietly before she speaks of what Tessa told her, "The room in the house, the sense of Deja Vu."

The forlorn tone, Leina gives her a look, then there's just this, almost helpless nod.

It may be a tautology, but the repetition helps drive it home perhaps.

And her eyes grow soft with sympathy, having felt a little of what each of them goes through.

"However long it takes." She echoes to her, "I promise, I'll keep at it. I don't know what I'll - be like - on the other side. But..."

But what? But she's hopeful? And there's a small laugh, and... Leina's fingertip curls around one of Tessa's, just a soft touch. "Don't be. It was what I needed to hear I think- someone so passionate about... a future, with me in it." A thin smile, "I've just always been stubborn. Real stubborn."

Suddenly, Tessa starts to ramble, and then the emotions crack, and- a soft blink, then a- "It can fly? The Tuatha De Danaan? I-"

For a moment, Leina just looks confused, stumbling from one thought to the next, and then her fingers shift, and her fingers shift, as her hand grips around hers, and there's just the simple wonder and delight of the moment.

"Wow." She giggles, "Actually makes me feel a bit better? I thought- just, dragged you out all that way and instead-"

A shake of her head and a smile, "I'd love to see that, one day." She tells her with a certain earnest sincerity. It isn't as simple as that. She has to be cleared for duty again, earn back trust with the people in Shuffle. Maybe she'll never work intelligence again.

But still, that doesn't stop her from putting the desire forward.

"Up there. It's up there." She says with soft humor, a tease, that perhaps lets her know she's still there, still herself in many ways, despite it all, "Right along with watching Sousuke or Kaname bending you backwards to give you a kiss in public."

<Pose Tracker> Teletha Testarossa has posed.

Good. "It's not the same, but the same sort of fear of yourself..." A lick of her dry lips. "I still fight with that every day. You're not alone in that." Sure, it pushed her this far, but there's always the creeping sentiment. How much is because of what she is, rather than what she does? "I think everyone questions that once in her life."

The slow acknowledgement of sympathy. Of trying to grapple between what one has done, what one has to do to repair, repent, and accept themselves, and what to do next.

Tessa's finger slowly, deliberately wrapped around Leina's own. She doesn't dare squeeze the offered digit. "I said I was a demon, wasn't I." ...It fits. She brazenly brushes over the fact that she called Leina one.

"Ah? Yeah, it-" There's a light jump as her hand is gripped firmly. Properly. One breath to settle herself down, eyes flickering in minute confusion before realizing the oblivious blinders she had. Of course it could fly. Of course it could. Her theories proved it. Kaname's blueprints proved it. That didn't mean it wasn't amazing, in of itself.

"It was..." Finding her words. "Kaname put the prototype blueprints in, but we both made it work." The slight straightening of her back, proud of it. "It still needs finetuning, but I think...I want to hope...It'll go to space soon enough." Sooner rather than later.

"Mhm? Dragged what?" Minor confusion.

"I'll make sure it happens when you're all cleared. Maybe use that as a goal for the future?" The subtle shift of setting a long, not-so-far-off goal for someone recovering. The light at the tunnel at the end of it all...However one wanted to define 'tunnel'.

"I don't know how things will go for reinstatement and whatnot...Especially with Sayla doing the things she did with Char." A heavy sigh. "It really is up there." Bits and spurts, but she did something. "Wait, bending me..."

...There's a blush on her cheeks, flicking her gaze away. "In public? Maybe? I might take it too far at times, but Sousuke needs to know that he's appreciated, and Kaname...Kaname's already forward enough, if I just pushed her against a wall..." Ahem. Ahem! AHEM!

A cough. "You better not lose in affection with your own boyfriend and girlfriend. Banagher and Minerva both want the best for you." And Judau, but that was sisterly love. This was relationship love!

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.


It's hard to know what to say to Tessa in these moments. Even her desire to care for her, it feels like it comes from an improper place. Like she can't trust it.

But in the end, she understands that she does care, no matter what place that comes from.

"It is hard. I had my own ways of coping, but I guess it was like a house of cards." Then, "Well..." A momentary pause, and a 'mmmm' as she hums discontentment, "A demon. I guess if that's how you see yourself, I understand why you'd be scared of yourself."

And then she shifts closer to her, as she places her opposite arm around her, in a hug from the side, "But I'm not."

Perhaps because she knows that fear of herself, in that case. Because she holds that lack of trust. Because she knows what she thinks her worst is.

Understanding the struggle, having felt a little of what Tessa goes through, she just can't see her as a demon.

"Could never be." As she offers greater reassurance with the thin crack of a smile, one arm around her, another hand held, "You struggle with the things going on in your head, sure, but I just see a girl who wants- normal things."

She takes to listening to Tessa talk about her ship, about the blueprints, the concepts that came together, "That's incredible! I don't know what it's like to collaborate on- something so technical, to invent something new. To me it's just like, I don't know, putting together a play? Making something special happen, together."

Her eyes drift up as if she were imagining it flying, "You out there. Dragged... you out there. If you were already there, feels, feels less like I put you out."

She chuckles lightly biting her lip, "I know, it's dumb, you all came into an active warzone for me- but- I don't know, somehow that makes it feel better?"

A goal for the future, "I'll work hard then, so that I can witness it myself one day." She inhales and, "Promise, won't rush. I'll take my time, make sure I'm- good and ready."

There's a blink of her eyes, a shift as she mentions Char, "Ah. Yeah. I-" She closes her eyes, and takes a breath, "-God, I can't believe she did that." She mumbles, but, "I won't make excuses for her, but he did- stop me, before I made- made a really big mistake."

She seems grudging on that fact, like she hates to give Char Aznable even the slightest credit. At her sputter, her smile becomes wider, "God you're adorable." She teases her lightly, "I'm going to love seeing you around- both of them."

And then she winks at her, "No chance I will. Banagher already went down on one knee and proposed nine months ago-!" Leina boasts lightly, "The dummy though-" And then it crashes up against a sudden realization, "-oop-! I wasn't supposed to-"

Suddenly looking chagrined, now its Leina's turn to blush, "Uhhhh pretend you didn't hear that one-! Judau would murder him. Even though I turned him down."

<Pose Tracker> Teletha Testarossa has posed.

The gal with tired eyes manages a nod in return, her gaze directing back to the young girl in the frame. Still dragging themselves out of their pasts, no matter how far ago it was. "I don't...Think it's particularly bad to be one, at times." It kept sticking out in her mind. A demon. Evil for good. Isn't that the heart of this, anyways? A girl who's cast evil, now trying to do good? "I've gotten better at it over the years, but the rooms are there, still." One day at a time.

She shifts in closer, leaning against the other and supporting her in equal capacity. "That makes another one who doesn't..." The words drift by. "Even if everyone says we're reliable and can be depended upon, it's hard to convince yourself, outside machinations or not." Brainwashing or not, it's hard. "Normal things, huh...I'll keep trying. I will." There's an undertone. Conviction. There's a faint feeling; I'll never be normal. My life is already abnormal. And yet. She's giving someone the comfort that comes from being down to earth.

"It's like, uh..." Bring it down to earth. Make it obvious. "You know how when you're in...." No, not cockpit talk. What else, what else. "You know how you prepare a drink, and you know how to do it without thinking? Or cooking something with someone else?" Yeah, cooking. Surely, Leina cooked. Hopefully. "That with something way larger. And more stringent."

"Up there? We were already there, training in space. Congratulations on taking my first." A cheeky smile blossoming up, stifling a giggle. Her first battle in space, but she's not going to correct that! "And Sousuke's, and Kaname's. Sayla asked us to bring her in, but she knew we were going in anyways." A sigh. "Like any of us would stop."

The shift into Char did dampen that smile, to face her head towards the ceiling proper. "Then it was worth it." ...Was it? The briefiest flareup of emotions, a tsunami of red loathing that demanded murder, tamped down moments later by the tides of rationality. "He's in...others' hands right now, but we've done what we could to..." A smack of her lips. "Calm down the people who wanted to immediately hunt him down." There's more pressing matters.

"Ah, mmh..." One's still trying to figure himself out, and the other is, by all accounts, 'normal'. She could never tackle either and demand this and that and whatnot and and and. (She may have daydreamt it.) "I can't cling to either in Mithril quarters, but...Maybe, in Jindai..." Ah! "...There were exams, right..."

That tangent was swiftly interrupted. "He did!? Already!?" Wait, how long were they together? "...Congratulations." A knowing smile. "Do announce it when we're in better circumstances, okay? I'll make sure to send a good wedding gift. You need a good pair of boots, don't you?" Why boots? It was the first thing to fire in her head.

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.


"It's not." Leina tells her quietly, and Tessa might catch a momentary glimpse of someone she might know well from the newspapers back when she was a child, or perhaps from books, or shows she watched.

Haman Karn, Regent of Neo-Zeon. A cold glare, cast askance at someone like a bug. A demonic pressure that surrounds her, taking on the effigy of spiritual violence, surrounding her like a roaring inferno of hatred.

"It just has to be a judicious thing." She confides quietly, seeming oblivious of what she shares in moments like these. These thoughts, these feelings, these fears she held as a child.

It is perhaps no surprise this trauma shaped what the Banshee became. The feelings of two children who went through something terrifying together, even at odds, becoming the monster they feared.

She can feel the warring conviction against the undertone. Perhaps it's a struggle she knows well in that regard, being a powerful Newtype, and yet - for years resisting the urge to be more than a schoolgirl.

"Good. Don't give up. You're more normal than you realize. You know how I know?" She smiles at her, "It's in the things you want, even as you struggle against what's in your head. It's you- I know it."

Perhaps it's what caused her to reach out to her, the first time she met, so so strongly. The knowledge that Tessa for however special, however different, however set apart she was...

... that she wanted normal things, and she needed people to validate this.

As Tessa starts and stops trying to describe the process of creation, Leina gives her a curious look, but then her eyes light up with cooking, "Oh, sure- that makes sense. Like- baking a fancy cake with Koji."

She nods quickly and smiles at her. She knows she's not on her intellectual level, but that doesn't mean she feels like they can't relate, "Can't imagine all the details you have to- to sort out, it seems so impressive to me. I just- I guess I just like hearing- feeling your passion about it. Like Banagher- he gets like that too about engineering."

Leina blinks - then blinks again, but she doesn't actually address the thing about her 'first' immediately, instead shifting to Char, "I- well-" She nods quickly, "I see. I guess- I'm- it's hard to say I'm thankful to the man, but- I'm thankful that- you think I was, worth- such a risk."

She stumbles over the words, before she comes back to it, "But... you said your first? Did you-?" Leina gives her a curious look, of growing delight at the thought that perhaps, "And them? In space- for your first time?"

Leina surely means the space battle too? Surely?

"Congratulations! So how was it? Taking that step? Losing your virginity?"

... Nope. She COMPLETELY MISINTERPRETED IT?

"How were they both? Did you enjoy it?"

And then it comes to the subject of Banagher, and Leina giggles lightly, "No no! Oh no- I- I turned him down, it was- God, we were in this Newtype space and he heard what I said and-"

She still is flushing about it, "I think he sorta innocently related it to like, getting me pregnant or something? God-!"

She titters, smiling despite the red to her cheeks, "Um-! Good boots- that'd be nice but, probably years away! No way I'm marrying him before he's in his twenties! God!"

She exclaims again, "It's too soon! Should be like- years, getting to know each other, developing as people before we'd take a step like that! But- if we do- one day- you'd be one of my bridesmaids right?"

She's at least happy to lock that in in this moment at least.

<Pose Tracker> Teletha Testarossa has posed.

The well of knowledge that comes from years of reading about one of the leaders of Neo Zeon. The Qubeley. The machinations. An instinctive shudder as she processes the Regent's pressure, how it coated her and made itself known. There's no such thing to compare it to. The only image in comparison that she can think of is of her brother, a similar sort of hatred and malice, not a pressure, but of a scalpel.

"To be an angel for those you care about, to be a demon to who's wronging you..." Sounding out that phrase, tilting an eyebrow upwards. "It sounds like the natural guideline to this chain of thought." To be an angel or a devil, to be the savior or the one who condemns. Fitting for one encased in the Toy Box.

More normal? Her? Than she realizes? Her? The look of confusion that's writ plain on her face quickly dissolves, shifting in place to lean a slight bit more on the gal. "I know it's normal to want, but..." ...But they're impossible, aren't they? To be completely normal. "I can't stop who I am, and I can't just sit around when everything-" A gesture towards the window. If Leina had the mental compass right, it's in the direction of Dakar. "-is something I can help with. That's how I ended up in that chair." The flash of uneasiness and personal repentance flickers for a moment.

A nod and a smile. "Exactly. YOu have to get everything right, and then make sure everything you know is perfectly fine, and then hope for the best. I think chefs specialize in science a bit? You need to know organic chemistry to bring out the best flavors, so I'm told." A fingertap against her chin. "Mechanical engineering relates to the stress structures and can be used in large foods so they don't collapse, so they do have some overlap." A blink. Ah, she's trailed off a bit. "It's good that he can talk like that." Everyone needed something of their own, something personal.

"Mhm. You are." It's hard to conceputalize. "...I think if it weren't for you, I'd still be walking in place." That smile she gives is slightly brighter. Still tired. Still shouldering so much. But she's trying. "But you can't be the tentpole forever, not when you're dealing with your own mental landscape."

Her first? "Yes." And them? "Yes, their firsts." Also in space. What was she- "...You mean that- But...No, no, no, no, I haven't even kissed Sousuke and I-" ...Wait a minute. "No, I definitely thought about them both-" WAIT, NO. "I wouldn't mind either of them if they as-" Another pause. SWITCH GEARS. "In space-faring combat. Not like that! I can't just shove them in a broom closet all of a sud- No, I can, and maybe I will, but that's not the point at all...!" The line between wanting to admit she'd jump them and the embarrassment of just straight up admitting how badly she'd jump them...!

"Marriage into pregnancies? Did he come from some rural part of the colonies?" ...Was he the type to believe that kissing would give the others babies? "Good to see you have some sense in that head for turning down shotgun marriages." Especially in a Newtype space. ...Come to think of it... "I wonder if harmonizing minds with another counts as that." She did resonate with Kaname in the TDD-1...Hmm.

"Bewh? Bridesmaid?" The image flashes: Her in a formal dress. Watching Leina and Banagher and Minerva walking down the aisle. Who'd catch it? Who'd be the lucky one?

...Sousuke would shoot it out of the air, probably. Unidentified Flying Object.

"Pfft- Of course. But that's long in the future, right? That can't happen until you take your steps right now." A tap on her own forehead. "And take out your frustration at what he's done in here until all those obstacles are dust."

Brainwashing really was a terrible thing, but this, as well, was progress in its own right. "You really are still you, at the end of the day. That's the best I hoped for."

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

"It's not." Leina tells her quietly, and Tessa might catch a momentary glimpse of someone she might know well from the newspapers back when she was a child, or perhaps from books, or shows she watched.

Haman Karn, Regent of Neo-Zeon. A cold glare, cast askance at someone like a bug. A demonic pressure that surrounds her, taking on the effigy of spiritual violence, surrounding her like a roaring inferno of hatred.

"It just has to be a judicious thing." She confides quietly, seeming oblivious of what she shares in moments like these. These thoughts, these feelings, these fears she held as a child.

It is perhaps no surprise this trauma shaped what the Banshee became. The feelings of two children who went through something terrifying together, even at odds, becoming the monster they feared.

She can feel the warring conviction against the undertone. Perhaps it's a struggle she knows well in that regard, being a powerful Newtype, and yet - for years resisting the urge to be more than a schoolgirl.

"Good. Don't give up. You're more normal than you realize. You know how I know?" She smiles at her, "It's in the things you want, even as you struggle against what's in your head. It's you- I know it."

Perhaps it's what caused her to reach out to her, the first time she met, so so strongly. The knowledge that Tessa for however special, however different, however set apart she was...

... that she wanted normal things, and she needed people to validate this.

As Tessa starts and stops trying to describe the process of creation, Leina gives her a curious look, but then her eyes light up with cooking, "Oh, sure- that makes sense. Like- baking a fancy cake with Koji."

She nods quickly and smiles at her. She knows she's not on her intellectual level, but that doesn't mean she feels like they can't relate, "Can't imagine all the details you have to- to sort out, it seems so impressive to me. I just- I guess I just like hearing- feeling your passion about it. Like Banagher- he gets like that too about engineering."

Leina blinks - then blinks again, but she doesn't actually address the thing about her 'first' immediately, instead shifting to Char, "I- well-" She nods quickly, "I see. I guess- I'm- it's hard to say I'm thankful to the man, but- I'm thankful that- you think I was, worth- such a risk."

She stumbles over the words, before she comes back to it, "But... you said your first? Did you-?" Leina gives her a curious look, of growing delight at the thought that perhaps, "And them? In space- for your first time?"

Leina surely means the space battle too? Surely?

"Congratulations! So how was it? Taking that step? Losing your virginity?"

... Nope. She COMPLETELY MISINTERPRETED IT?

"How were they both? Did you enjoy it?"

And then it comes to the subject of Banagher, and Leina giggles lightly, "No no! Oh no- I- I turned him down, it was- God, we were in this Newtype space and he heard what I said and-"

She still is flushing about it, "I think he sorta innocently related it to like, getting me pregnant or something? God-!"

She titters, smiling despite the red to her cheeks, "Um-! Good boots- that'd be nice but, probably years away! No way I'm marrying him before he's in his twenties! God!"

She exclaims again, "It's too soon! Should be like- years, getting to know each other, developing as people before we'd take a step like that! But- if we do- one day- you'd be one of my bridesmaids right?"

She's at least happy to lock that in in this moment at least.

<Pose Tracker> Teletha Testarossa has posed.

The well of knowledge that comes from years of reading about one of the leaders of Neo Zeon. The Qubeley. The machinations. An instinctive shudder as she processes the Regent's pressure, how it coated her and made itself known. There's no such thing to compare it to. The only image in comparison that she can think of is of her brother, a similar sort of hatred and malice, not a pressure, but of a scalpel.

"To be an angel for those you care about, to be a demon to who's wronging you..." Sounding out that phrase, tilting an eyebrow upwards. "It sounds like the natural guideline to this chain of thought." To be an angel or a devil, to be the savior or the one who condemns. Fitting for one encased in the Toy Box.

More normal? Her? Than she realizes? Her? The look of confusion that's writ plain on her face quickly dissolves, shifting in place to lean a slight bit more on the gal. "I know it's normal to want, but..." ...But they're impossible, aren't they? To be completely normal. "I can't stop who I am, and I can't just sit around when everything-" A gesture towards the window. If Leina had the mental compass right, it's in the direction of Dakar. "-is something I can help with. That's how I ended up in that chair." The flash of uneasiness and personal repentance flickers for a moment.

A nod and a smile. "Exactly. YOu have to get everything right, and then make sure everything you know is perfectly fine, and then hope for the best. I think chefs specialize in science a bit? You need to know organic chemistry to bring out the best flavors, so I'm told." A fingertap against her chin. "Mechanical engineering relates to the stress structures and can be used in large foods so they don't collapse, so they do have some overlap." A blink. Ah, she's trailed off a bit. "It's good that he can talk like that." Everyone needed something of their own, something personal.

"Mhm. You are." It's hard to conceputalize. "...I think if it weren't for you, I'd still be walking in place." That smile she gives is slightly brighter. Still tired. Still shouldering so much. But she's trying. "But you can't be the tentpole forever, not when you're dealing with your own mental landscape."

Her first? "Yes." And them? "Yes, their firsts." Also in space. What was she- "...You mean that- But...No, no, no, no, I haven't even kissed Sousuke and I-" ...Wait a minute. "No, I definitely thought about them both-" WAIT, NO. "I wouldn't mind either of them if they as-" Another pause. SWITCH GEARS. "In space-faring combat. Not like that! I can't just shove them in a broom closet all of a sud- No, I can, and maybe I will, but that's not the point at all...!" The line between wanting to admit she'd jump them and the embarrassment of just straight up admitting how badly she'd jump them...!

"Marriage into pregnancies? Did he come from some rural part of the colonies?" ...Was he the type to believe that kissing would give the others babies? "Good to see you have some sense in that head for turning down shotgun marriages." Especially in a Newtype space. ...Come to think of it... "I wonder if harmonizing minds with another counts as that." She did resonate with Kaname in the TDD-1...Hmm.

"Bewh? Bridesmaid?" The image flashes: Her in a formal dress. Watching Leina and Banagher and Minerva walking down the aisle. Who'd catch it? Who'd be the lucky one?

...Sousuke would shoot it out of the air, probably. Unidentified Flying Object.

"Pfft- Of course. But that's long in the future, right? That can't happen until you take your steps right now." A tap on her own forehead. "And take out your frustration at what he's done in here until all those obstacles are dust."

Brainwashing really was a terrible thing, but this, as well, was progress in its own right. "You really are still you, at the end of the day. That's the best I hoped for."

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.


She can't know, the malice that is Leonard Testarossa. She can't even imagine what Tessa is dealing with in that facet of her life, what she inadvertently brushed against.

"Or... a God or Devil..." Leina gives Tessa a vaguely apologetic look, but she grew up with the PPL, and thus such things tend to stick.

Also Angels tend to be in the news as horrific monsters.

"I think so. Well, you were my Angel at least, up there."

As Tessa leans against her, the arm that's around her tightens subtly as to bring her closer, as she relates how she can't stop who she is- nor can she sit around...

"And?" She gives her this small smile, "S'not... mutually exclusive. I went through all I went through and for years, was navigating being just a student as a Newtype. Now I'm that- and I guess, a pilot too? And I was a member of Shuffle Intelligence. One day I'm going to want to get married- have children of my own."

Leina smiles again, and it's perhaps more sunny than it's been in a while, "You don't have to stop being who you are, doing what you do. Can still strive for- things you want, normal things. Find the balance that's right for you."

It's easier said than done, she knows it. Oh God does she know it, but maybe she's at least going to be on the path to a healthier balance herself going forward.

"Oh yeah, I've heard about that, how Gastronomy is a science unto itself in how it ties the other sciences together." A pause, a shake of her head, "I'm just a home cook though, I always look at the Haute Cuisine that Mom is made to try during those business meetings-" That's new isn't it? Calling her Mom? "-and just get baffled that people think of this kinda thing. But-!" A small smile, "Like I said, fun hearing about it. Seeing. Feeling the passion."

Tessa points it out, and, Leina gets this look that screams 'caught' before she takes a breath, "Well- I'm glad I helped you move forward. But- you're right. I'm- this is new for me. Relying on-"

Her fingertips rise off of Tessa's shoulder even as her palm remains, a small gesticulation, "-everyone else. Letting myself just be... taken care of for a while."

Her eyes lid as she just looks chagrined, "Maybe even if this hadn't happened, I'd be on the verge of a collapse... anyway, just because I'd never learned something so basic." A shake of her head, "Hopefully not as- dramatic as this one! God, never gonna live this down."

It turns into Leina eagerly examining Tessa as if waiting to hear about her 'first time' only to hear Tessa speak of her thoughts, her fantasies, and Leina when it's over just says, "My mistake." And yet-

"Nothing wrong with wanting it that badly." She confides with Tessa, "A broom closet hmmm? Well, it'll be our secret." As an eyelid drops in a wink before she gives her a serious look, because it's not all teasing to her, "I'm invested in your happiness you know? Your needs, your desires. I want to see you happy, Tessa."

And then a shake of her head, "Ah no- it was his, his mother never really gave him the talk, before she passed. And his Dad kinda- hurt her in that way, where she'd say that kinda thing to him about- things you can't take back."

She's more somber in these moments, she doesn't especially like Cardeas Vist, "Oh yeah, I actually laughed in his face, I wasn't- trying to be cruel. He just surprised me. Then I sat him down, held his hand, and told him why not. Tried my best to be understanding of why he'd feel the need to propose after that."

There's a small tilt of her head, "Wellllll if it does- then ah- God." Leina blushes faintly, how many minds has she 'resonated' with even if it's not in the same way as a Whispered.

She even went to that place with Judau and NOPE NOPE NOPE she's abandoning this thought.

"Maybe if you want it to." She lets spill out far too quickly, before she moves on to the happier image, oblivious of the thought of Sousuke shooting the bouquet.

"Oh yeah- probably years from now, but-" A sobering quality to her smile, yet something shameless too, flagrant, "It's sorta getting a soft promise out of you that you'll be there for it, despite the dangerous life you lead."

She does bob her head forward, "I won't let him beat me. Promise." Then, "... Still hard most days, to tell me that- I'm myself, and not- not Puru-1." She confides, and takes a calming breath, "But see? Progress. When we started a few weeks ago, couldn't even conceptualize having a future." With that hand at her side, "And... most days I still can't yet... but with you here. Now..."

The look in her eyes becomes distant, abstracted as if dwelling upon the fact that it isn't, before, she pulls out a smile again, a fragile thing perhaps... but present.

"...well... it feels more clear right now."

<Pose Tracker> Teletha Testarossa has posed.

The ring of the obvious lynchpin of it all, the one that sticks out more in her head than Jeeg, the one that came before. She shares that same look of apology; It's hard not to think of the Mazinger Z with the everpresent question that it always posed. "Only you can decide..." The faint aftertaste of that phrase was damning.

Her? An Angel? She tries to imagine the fanciful kind with wings and a halo. (She has to admit; It'd look cute on her.) "I'm glad..." There's a rational part that says that so many people did so much more. But this was what mattered.

"Normalcy is hard to push to. ...Are any of us normal? What's the baseline?" ...Koji? No. Kaname? Maybe. Banagher? Also maybe. Who is the defacto normalest person? ...Amuro, before he fell into the Gundam? "I...suppose I just need to find some way to balance both, yeah." A sigh leaked out; She's shuffling i that bit more, the weight of everything finally forcing that body to settle down, if only for a bit. "I can't stop now." Not when there's people to organize, codecs to formalize, staff to shift about, the web of responsibility stretching far and wide. Rain's taken a bit off, but it was neverending.

Food is food, and food is a scien- Wait, Mom? "...Mom?" She drops that word so casually, something she hasn't said herself to someone of that nature for a decade and some. "When should I expect the official adoption papers?" So quick! "Do you think we'll have to bake a cake for that? Or will Mom have to?" There's an unbridled smile, a barely restrained giggle. How nice, to see such an obstacle disappear.

"Right. If there's any reports that you somehow managed to sneak away because you needed to help someone desperately, I'll put Kurz on guard duty." He's a talker when he's bored. Smart, but god help anyone near him. "The last thing we all need is another scare." And worse.

There's a minor thought of a collapse. ...Best that it's nothing. She can do this. She must. She has to. Even from friends and close companions, she has burdens she can't slough on others.

Aaaaah. So embarassing...! "Not just a broom close-" NOTHING MORE. It takes a few seconds for that blush to fade away, the minute pout of a girl so coerced to reveal what she wanted. "I know it's normal, but it's still..." She raises her hand up, twisting that finger in a spiral. "Lots of things. All the time." To know that someone else was invested in her happiness...There's more people than she realizes, even if her heart refused to internalize it. "Of course I want to be happy. What person wouldn't?" It's the most obvious thing. It's the thing that she deflects.

"Ah..." Complicated family situations. So many out there. "It's good that you two were able to talk through that. There's so many romance stories of the last-ditch proposal and...The world just isn't that black and white." A blink. "Wait, if he proposed, and he did it to you...Where was Minerva?" The obvious 3rd member of the trio was missing!

There's only a look of confusion on her face. Did resonating with another count as it? Possibly. Possibly not. She couldn't know; It was a jagged maw of knowledge and hunger in her mind. Yes? No? Maybe? She'd managed to control it; To direct he environments, to have thoughts and movements be the same, even as the world mentally crumbled. "Maybe if I want it to, huh..." Wait, that sounds too promiscuous-

"...I'll be there. Make sure your brother isn't back on Jupiter when you do." A promise in return; Keep the people you treasure close. The trio themselves? Obvious. Her brother? ...Yeah, there's an image of a troublemaker in her mind. A well-meaning one, but she could see him scampering off for his sister. "A dangerous life, huh..."

There's a flash of an image as she leans to the side, nestling in. A silverette girl, standing defiantly against one with a gun on the bridge of the TDD-1. One shot. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. An overwhelming defiance, a madness born of someone who had taken something precious, and was only now gaining it back after less than a day. The bullets whiz by, the thought noting how each one passed centimeters beside her. Yet, the girl so proud, so outgoing, so emotional, barely even moved to dodge. Such was the outpour, the grandiosity, the proud woman standing defiantly against an instrument of death with the conviction that she had been infested with from the inside since birth.

--- This ship is mine. I am the one who commands it. I wield it with VIOLENCE for peace's sake. I, and no one else can do it. ---

"I know I'll live long enough to make it. Don't worry." A sweet smile.

There's a soft pat on Leina's shoulder. "Having a future is the first step. The second step is taking the steps to secure that future." ...That was how it went. "Make sure to keep track of these moments. What you're going through is hard, but when you stumble...You need to know that you could keep going before, and you can now."

Those ashen eyes filled with the weariness of someone who should be enjoying a day out on the beach watched Leina's gaze. "I want that future to have you in it. Don't forget that."

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

<poem>

Leina tries to keep the faint flinch off her face as Tessa adds the question it poses, the implications were always...

... it's an interesting one, to have a brother whose anger at her wounding might have made him a devil that day.

"Mmmm." She hums when it comes to the idea of normalcy, "Good question. Maybe there's no answer. Can't just, analyze our way out of this one."

As she settles in to support her weight, a nod at the idea she can't stop, "Well I guess if you can't stop-"

She nudges her lightly with her shoulder, "-then, keep going. I know I'm not at my best right now, but- I'd like to think I'll be there- to help you balance this kinda thing going forward."

Tessa focuses hard on the 'Mom' and there's a nod, "Ah- um. It- I was being a little silly about-" 'Adoption papers' "W-What!? I- we haven't talked about that part yet." She sounds shy about it, "It's- once, once I'm better-"

A blink, "Cake!? Adoption Ca- Mom!? I-" Leina looks all scrambled for a moment, "Gahhhh you've caught me all off guard- I just, right now. I just- I just know she's my mother. That I want her to be."

She smiles faintly, "And that's... that's enough. We can figure out the rest, later."

She opens her mouth wide, before she sideeyes Tessa, "You wouldn't- Judau will kill him. He already knows him as the weird sandwich guy who brags about his meat to try and get me in bed."

A shake of her head, before it becomes a quiet sigh and- "I won't lie to you. I will, have to go back out there before I'm fully recovered, but I won't- won't sneak out. Everyone will know it, and I'll be relying on them while I'm out there."

The look she gives her is apologetic but, then as Tessa tells her it was good that he was able to talk through that, "Oh we hadn't- I hadn't even met the real Mineva at the time! This was just after Torrington, I was in the hospital."

She gives Tessa this rueful look, "Promise, we're not like, cutting her out of THAT conversation. At the time Banagher thought that Mineva had just- cut him out of her life, forever."

It does sound promiscuous but- perhaps there's no shame in that. At least to Leina, she seems pretty difficult to shame on sexual matters in general.

"Pfft- no chance. If there was a war going on between Judau and my wedding, the war would be over by the night before." Wow. That's a lot of faith in her brother. But it was never Leina's belief that Judau couldn't win the fight...

... simply whether winning could change a thing, or if it would look no different from defeat.

She sees the flash of the dangerous life, and something wells up briefly in Leina's throat. Pride? Fear for her? Worry?

It is a swelling mix of emotions, seeing her defending her ship, of her making such grandiose declarations. But it takes a certain passion, a certain madness to do what they do, doesn't it?

"Don't worry she says." Despite the emotions, Leina nudges her shoulder affectionately, with such a smile, "I worry, but- I'll also trust you."

And indeed she listens as she speaks on the future, and the steps towards it, "I feel thoroughly face planted at the moment." Leina confides honestly, "Like you know all those moments when you were a little clumsy? Like that, only a hundred- maybe thousand times worse."

She takes a deep breath, but then, "But- I know I'm being offered a hand up- out, by all of you. So-"

There's this, emotional welling of, sentimentality, of just feeling incredibly touched as she tells Tessa, "-how could I forget that? I'll do everything in my power to be a part of your future, promise."

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