2023-01-23: Another Chance

• Log: 2023-01-23: Another Chance
• Cast: Leina Ashta, Akane Shinjo
• Where: GGG Orbit Base
• OOC - IC Date: 0097-01-23
• Summary: After spending some quality time with her guardian, Leina Ashta takes time to talk to Akane Shinjo. They talk a lot about the ways in which their stories are similar -- and try to keep their eyes on the chances that gives them.

---

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

A day was spent between Guardian and Ward. No business was shared on that day. Leina didn't know what happened in Tsutsujidai, but for twenty four hours - she didn't need to.

And after... Leina had been given special permission to enter GGG base just so the two could be together - while Sayla was caring for Akane.

Between all the exams and bloodwork, someone walks to the medical bay. There's a tap tap tap on the door frame, not moving to open it quite yet.

"Hey Akane... are you decent in there?" Leina asks, no stranger to hospital stays and various states of undress one might be, "... And if you are, would you mind some company?"

There's only a short beat before she adds-

"If you don't, it's okay. I won't hold it against you."

<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.

Akane's had a little time for her mood to stabilize; it's been a day of absolutely dizzying highs and a few crushing, miserable lows. A couple days into her return, one thing has become apparent:

Akane Shinjo is tired and starving. She's gotten so much more sleep. It's amazing -- but she keeps waking up hungry... and so she learns the true power of the call button. She doesn't order like she did when she declared war, but...

"... I'm still really hungry," Akane admits, embarrassed. "So -- how about, uh..." Embarrassed, she admits, "I took my meds right before I took a nap and I could kill a thing of miso soup and some hot dogs... oh, and do you have strawberry ramune?"

Ten minutes later, she has them! And she is, in fact, in the process of killing them.

She has actively resisted using the borrowed tablet to check her To-witter, which is good, because, wow, what a spiral.

Tap tap tap --

"Huh? Oh, uh..." ... is she ready for more visitors?

"Yeah, uh -- come in," she says, after just a second.

A Taraba Kaiju sofubi and a plush cat with four eyes keep watch over her as Leina arrives. Akane seems decent, having finally acquiesced to borrowing a pink blouse and black skirt from Hana. The midriff exposure isn't really her preference, but 'fully and unambiguously dry' finally won out over 'exactly what I like wearing.'

"I'm kinda surprised to see you here, Leina," Akane starts. "It's..." She trails off a moment, but manages to force out, "good to see you," though it's obvious she's still processing her experiences.

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

The door slides open, and Akane will see that Leina's wearing a faded Magical Girl shirt, years old, like someone's favorite T-Shirt that they can't bear to let go of. 'Magical Girl Wonderful Persimmon.'

A pair of denim shorts, and some old worn trainers.

Her eyes flick to the Sofubi, and the plush cat with the four eyes, and what she's wearing, "You look great." She sounds sincere about that, "It's good to see you eating again."

Surprised to see her here?

There's this coy bent to her smile at the moment as she steps inside.

Though for the moment, she stays near the door frame, hand still upon it. "... It's good to see you too. And I suppose you would be, surprised that is. Ramo and I were trying very hard to stay under your radar."

She doesn't explain that one quite yet, "After everything I witnessed you going through, I just wanted to tell you..."

She smiles, eyes closed, there's something sunny about it, "... I'm proud of you. And I know you probably feel like maybe you don't have a lot to be proud of..."

Just the faintest tilt of her head, with the same expression, "But that won't change the fact that I am."

<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.

It's a relief to hear that. "Ahahaha, this is the first time anyone's seen me in this... I borrowed it from one of the base staff," Akane explains. "She seems..." Really nice? Nah, too much. "... okay," she eventually hedges. "Actually, pretty much everyone here seems okay... I'm probably going to end up talking to the whole staff eventually.

"Wait -- were you and Marusan up to something...?" Akane asks, tilting her head just a bit. She goes over conversations with the two of them together, or events they dragged her into... but she's still a little tired, so the wires aren't connecting yet. It's easier to focus on the other thing, at any rate.

"Ahaha... yeah, I admit I'm not sure why," Akane concedes, rubbing at the back of her head. "Most of what I did was get dragged out of things." Well... no, that's not all she did -- though most of that came later. "Still... it's -- kind of wild, right? I... honestly couldn't even imagine coming out the other end of that alive."

Taking a few steadying breaths, she asks, "... I thought you didn't know much, though. So I guess... how much do you know? How much did Marusan know?"

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

"They have a nice sense of style! It really suits you!"

Leina can't really speculate who, she doesn't know most of the people in GGG, she grew up with Mamoru for a few years - she's met Guy a few times, and she recently met Alouette... but otherwise.

She doesn't answer the question at first, letting her connect the dots, she does look tired. "Because you survived. Because when you were at your lowest, you accepted an offered hand - Anti's I'd bet."

Leina's eye cracks open, as she leaves one closed in a wink, "And it sounds like you and Rikka finally got together. ... Took you two goobers long enough to get there."

The way she says goobers, it sounds affectionate rather than insulting. It's only now she finally answers her, "Both of us basically knew everything? And no it's not because of Sayla. She tried her best to keep me out of it - the only thing she told me was to not go near you or your Guardian - but..."

There's a shrug of her shoulders, "...I'm a meddler? Always have been. So I got involved. And accidentally brought Ramo into it when you announced that Kaiju attack on the GUTS festival in advance?"

Now it's her turn to rub the back of her head, looking embarrassed, "That... wasn't intended, but she's handling it well now. The only thing she maybe doesn't know is you created her? And maybe she even knows that now - I haven't seen her in a couple months."

<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.

"Wow. You, uh." Akane rubs at the back of her head, admitting, "... well, okay, that's all correct but if you really figured all that out already, I don't know if we're going to end up having a super long conversation... ahahahaha."

Taking a breath in through her nose, she confirms, "Yeah. That's about everything that happened. Rikka and I are... working on it. She totally ruined my lip gloss, but, uh, I think I was gonna need to fix that no matter what, sooner or later." Taking a long sip from an absurdly large cup of miso soup, she says, "She's... incredible. I'm trying not to pin all the next steps on her, but..."

She thinks her whole way through what Leina's telling her, and nods. "Okay -- good. I guess I owe you both a big thank you, and maybe I owe Marusan ... a little more than that. Though, uh, about that..."

... this is going to get complicated. She decides to start with the easy one. "It wasn't like I hand-made every person in the town or anything. I just kinda -- wanted things and they started existing. And, uh, what I wanted out of Rikka wasn't a girlfriend from the get-go, before it starts sounding weird."

Reaching up and fluffing out her hair, she says, "There's... another thing, though. This one's more about you, and it's messy. Do you remember when I was doing the thing with the dream kaiju, after I kinda... got fed up with just smashing my face into the kaiju attack wall and maybe almost died?"

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

"It's not all guesses." There's this small laugh, "Sayla and me spent a day together for just 'us' time - then I just... started talking to the people who were there. And that's fine. Doesn't have to be. This can be as long or as short as it needs to be."

Leina blinks at the lip gloss comment, then grins, "Whoa! Going at it already? Can't blame you with how pent up the two of you were."

The grin fades though, back into that proud smile, "Ah good. I'm glad she took that to heart. I gave her that kind of advice, but I'd bet you two would have come to that conclusion anyway on your own."

She definitely isn't trying to take credit for the two of them getting together. Not even a smidge, she just sounds, happy they did? Like she only saw herself as nudging it along towards a natural conclusion, but that they always got there on their own.

Leaning against a counter, she places her palms down against it, nestling her weight upon it. "Huh-!" She looks like she's taking that in. "That makes sense... yeah I believe it. It'd take a long time if you were creating people one by one - and everything about them."

Leina's gaze looks abstracted for a moment, "Though some people in your town always felt a little... more real than others. Like a few dozen? Ramo was always one of those."

Maybe she's tipping the Newtype hand a bit there, but she doesn't mind Akane knowing, not really.

Her attention snaps to her though on the last part, "Oh yeah, I was super mad at you about that."

She says it so matter of factly, but despite all of her scheming, she's far too honest with her or something, "Don't worry, I'm not holding a grudge or something - I blame Alexis more than anyone for this whole mess - but Renais and Alouette in particular?"

There's this, almost exasperated sigh, "God, I almost considered marching up to you to chew you out and blowing my whole cover with how upsetting that was. People in situations like those two are just... real personal to me."

... Yeah that definitely didn't make what's coming next way more awkward.

<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.

"Ehehehe... I was actually the one that brought that up. It was really the most important thing to me from the word go? Even before now, that was the reason I felt like I couldn't be with her." Akane chews at her lower lip a bit as she tries to figure out how to word it. "We could have talked it out, probably, but..."

She lets out a breath. "Alexis never really brought it up, but when I brought up talking it out with her to him, he... asked me what my plan was for if it went wrong? And it was in that way where, like... it'd be a kaiju, obviously. That was what he was expecting, but since I thought it before he said it..."

... she decides to just let that drop and moves on. "I don't really get how that stuff works. Like -- I could notice it, too, but... I just thought I was hearing myself, I guess, or psyching myself out... ahahaha. No, that kind of sounds right."

... it does make what's coming next awkward, though. "... I tried to do that to Sayla too. The way it was working was that I'd slip myself into a dream of a memory they had, or kind of fake one up out of a few memories of theirs and a few of mine? Usually one where it'd be easy for them to depend on me." She looks down.

Then she admits: "... the one I tried with her was when Axis dropped, so... I slipped into your spot."

Swallowing hard, she says, "I'm sorry. That was probably the worst night of both your lives and I tried to use it to do something that would've really hurt both of you."

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

"Good for you! That just shows how much thought you've put into getting together with her." Leina still sounds, so proud- though then she mentions Alexis, and what he did, and how he psyched her out of it and just - "God that asshole. Real class act."

Leina looks up, and sighs, crossing her arms, "Ramo and I both wished we could have done more. That watch party for example, we wanted to give you more nights like that with Rikka where... neither of you realized. But we felt if we pushed any harder that he'd figure it out - or you'd figure us out."

And then she'd just bolt...

As for not being sure how it works, "I'm not really sure either. It just felt like some people became more real over time? With exposure? With Ramo it was me telling her about the Kaiju attack, asking her to help with the evacuation. Then she just, didn't forget it?"

She smiles...

"God she's so smart. I couldn't have asked for a better co-conspirator."

Akane however tells her she tried to do it to Sayla, and at first Leina doesn't seem... toooo off-put by it, because the key word is tried.

Then she mentions Axis, and Leina starts, then took her place- "WHAT?"

For a short while, it looks like Leina is going to just, erupt. Yell at her. Chew her out on the spot.

Her weight shifts off the counter, and she just... paces, looking a touch paler, more nauseous.

"Goddamnit Sayla." Leina whispers as she puts a hand to her face, looking quite upset. "You always do this."

Leina closes her eyes for a time, and just lets herself breathe. Then finally turns towards Akane, and... corrects one thing, eyes hard.

"Second worst."

Leina says quietly, before she lifts up her shirt, and shows her a bullet wound scar on the right side of her abdomen. It's a rather ugly scar, the margins are uneven. It obviously got infected, and her recovery time was long.

Then she drops the shirt and something just, softens in her eyes, her tone gentling, "You didn't get what you wanted out of trying to be me to her, did you?"

As she walks right up to her, and puts a hand on her shoulder, if Akane jerks away, she doesn't resist it though, just trying to look her in the eye, "Just tell me one thing. What was it that you wanted? Someone to understand you? Someone who loved you? Who cared for you?"

There's a certain sorrow in her eyes, as if for the moment, that had overrode whatever anger she feels.

"What were you looking for in Sayla?"

<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.

"I dunno if I'd call it putting thought into it... mostly just self-torture," Akane concedes, and it feels weirdly good to say. Admitting that it hurt and that it was mostly self-inflicted feels better than it could have. "That watch party was really fun, too... and yeah, wow. Marusan's really on the ball. I always kinda got that sense from her. There was a while there where we were keeping each other's secrets, so like... I knew she was pretty smart."

Akane laughs, admitting, "I think I got outmaneuvered on that one. I've got good friends."

The topic shifts in full, and Leina looks like she's angry -- which she has a right to, Akane thinks, but she can't quite stop herself from flinching a little. She scoots an inch or two across the bed, and -- then when Leina looks nauseous instead, manages to arrest the anxiety reaction in short order. It takes her a second to look at the scar, but she does look. "... Jeez, and I thought the kaiju thing was rough," she says, with that strained good humor that is neither good nor humor at all.

When Leina puts a hand on her shoulder, she doesn't resist; there is a twitch, but only a twitch. She takes a breath and looks Leina in the eyes, answering, "... I just wanted an adult who understood me and didn't really want to hurt me. Geez, when I put it that way I sound SUPER pathetic, but..."

She sighs. "I just hated seeing her getting hurt fighting me, and I hated seeing her fight for me because I thought it was so pointless... I hate watching people do things I feel like are pointless, and that definitely felt pointless. I thought if she understood me she wouldn't need to fight anymore."

Rubbing at the back of her head, she admits, "I sure didn't get any of that out of that, though."

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

Self-torture?

Leina furrows her brow, trying to empathize with that position, and it finally clicks that it's a relief for her to admit it. "Ah. ... And you do."

It's a full shift though, not long after. She doesn't respond to her thinking the Kaiju thing was rough - there's no need to relay more about that day to her right now.

Leina feels that twitch under her hand, and looks her in the eyes. She doesn't interrupt her answer, she hangs onto every word.

When she finishes, admits that she got none of that...

Leina's hand slides off of her shoulder, and she rises back up, and seats herself on the bed beside her. The silence is awkward for a while, like she's just... elsewhere... for a good thirtyish seconds.

Then her posture shifts.

"Super pathetic? ... No."

She breathes out a sigh, "No, you don't sound super pathetic. My mom used to call me a mistake when she thought I couldn't hear her and when she wasn't so depressed she could actually get out of bed. And my Dad? After he lost his job he just drank. Eventually they both just - left. They couldn't deal with being parents anymore."

Then she murmurs quietly, "... Pretty sure Sayla hunted them down even after I told her it was pointless." If she did? Well, her not telling her speaks louder than words.

"Then later on I became this... prisoner to this guy who... treated me like I was some precious object in his collection. Tried to turn me into a 'Lady' no matter how much I hated it."

Leina finally looks at Akane again, "Sayla's really the first adult who ever gave the slightest damn about me."

Even Bright - even Bright had bigger concerns than rescuing the little sister of his top pilot. She doesn't blame him. But... she knows, he put no effort into trying to get her back.

"So I get it." Leina tells her quietly, looking her back in the eyes, "And I get why you'd target her. Most adults just - just suck. Seeing one who didn't? Who would fight for you even if you thought it was pointless?"

She puts an arm around Akane at that moment from the side, as if testing the waters there, as she offers validation, understanding of her own in those sea green eyes of hers, "I get it. ... If our places were reversed... I'd want to be you too."

<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.

Hearing Leina admit that this doesn't sound super pathetic, though... and then what she opens up with...

By the time Leina finishes her story, Akane looks a little pale -- but there's a warmth in her heart, now, in spite of it. She takes a deep breath and says, "... It sounds like we have a little more in common than I thought."

... may as well get it out there. "My parents were pretty well off through the whole thing, but... I don't know if they're divorced or just separated, but I definitely got that they weren't really interested in having a kid and they weren't that interested in each other. They stuck it out for about a decade, then my dad left. I hear it's pretty common for kids born around when I was... lots of people hooking up at the start of the One Year War for crappy reasons." It's the first time she's told anyone the whole story.

"My mom eventually got frustrated keeping up with getting me situated each new place she moved, I think? So she just shoved me in an apartment in Nouvelle Tokyo near all the best high schools. That was third year of middle school. ... I dunno what she would've done if I bombed my entrance exams." Probably made it Akane's problem, Akane reflects. That'd be consistent.

Before she knows it, she's curled in on herself a bit. "... I don't think I gotta underline the other part. I'm -- still kinda getting my head around the idea that the whole time I was cutting up clay to make kaiju, Alexis was... doing that to me."

Letting the tension out of herself as she feels that arm around her, she starts to tear up a bit. "... you made the right call playing it dumb. I probably would've tried the same junk on you with my kaiju that I did on her if I knew all this stuff."

Hanging her head, she admits, "I owe Alouette a huge apology, especially, on that one. I just saw so much of me in her situation and I felt like -- on the one hand I didn't want her to keep banging her head against the wall and trying to save me, but at the same time, like -- rrgh, how dare you get what I needed when I didn't, right?"

Swallowing hard, she says, "Thanks for understanding. 'cuz I have the feeling you'd have every right to be way madder."

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

Leina can see the contrast between how Akane looks, and how she feels after that story, when she says that they have a little in common, she listens... to her parents, how they stuck it out for a decade.

There are some details Leina didn't say. How her mother left when she was six. How she was expected to become the woman of the house - how she stepped up as a child. How she forgot to be a child.

Her father stuck it out a decade, for all the good that did her and Judau.

These things Akane says though, resonate with her in what she said, what she left unspoken. She can guess what Akane's mom would have done if she'd bombed her entrance exams.

There's... there's this heartbroken look in her eyes as Akane curls upon herself, but it's only when Akane starts tearing up that her other arm slides around her.

Both arms tighten into a hug.

She sees so much of herself - so much of Elpeo in her, it's just so painful. A girl neglected by adults. A girl used and abused and utilized as a weapon.

"A lot of people should never have children." Leina tells her quietly - and she includes her own parents in that - even if it means she never would have existed, "But I'm glad you were born Akane. ... I'm glad you're you. I'm glad you're still here."

Leina's eyes close, and her arms just, keep ahold of her so fiercely, "You deserved better. I know you maybe won't believe that either - but you did ... and you do."

A pause and...

"God your parents sucked." She adds, almost as an afterthought, it's so matter of fact.

As she hangs her head, Leina takes a moment to process "...Yeah. You definitely owe her one." Leina actually manages a ghost of a smile, "Maybe more than one. But... hey." Leina's smile widens, "You have more in common with her now don't you? Because now - you can have what she got. ... I wish it had come to you sooner but... it's definitely not too late."

There's a small laugh, then... "Oh I admit, I'm still pretty mad. But... is there anything I can say to you that is worse than what you're already thinking?" She asks her, "I'd just be kicking you while you're down and trying to get back up."

Her smile widens, as she radiates such warmth, "When I'd rather offer you that hand back up - like I said Akane. ... You deserve so much better."

<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.

Akane leans into the hug rather than outright returning it... mostly because she's in a physically awkward position to do so! But she does rest her chin on Leina's shoulder a bit, letting out a sigh and then letting herself start to tear up. ... She's done it a lot the last couple days, so the reservoir isn't super deep -- but it's hard to stop herself, at a time like this.

"Yeah," Akane agrees, at the idea a lot of people shouldn't have kids, and it starts to pull her out of the cry-spiral. "I know I definitely don't plan to. I guess I could get motivated if Rikka really wanted that? ... jeez, I'm 17, I have at least like three whole years before I should be thinking about that stuff..." She lets out a long breath, and agrees, "... Yeah. I'll... try to be glad you feel that way?" She can't quite work herself all the way up to genuine happiness with herself and her place in the world yet, unreservedly. But she can at least appreciate Leina's feelings on it -- and use them as another foothold to crawl back up.

And another one -- "God, your parents sucked," Akane agrees, and there's an enthusiasm in it that cuts through the mourning and the exhaustion. "... you think, though? I'll try to believe it."

... she'd asked Alouette if 3G had a place for kaiju, ages ago. She'd said that 3G would never turn a heart with courage away, then.

"Thanks. I'll try to make sure you don't regret putting the hand out instead of screaming at me," Akane says, finally managing to work up the energy to shift and properly return the hug.

A beat passes.

"God, your parents sucked! And god, my parents sucked," she says, and there's some genuine joy in being able to say it. It does raise a curiosity, though... "Did Sayla help you get, like... legally separated from them or something? I might want to try doing that too..."

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

As Akane leans into her hug, Leina's arms shift to rub her back, just comforting her in this moment when she's in that cry spiral.

Leina listens to her on the subject of kids, "I always thought the Japanese have it right on that at least - not coming of age until you're twenty. People should be allowed to be children for longer..."

She murmurs before confiding to her, "... me? I kind of want to, I admit I'm scared about it - like I might screw up them up as bad as I got screwed up, or just bring them into a world this screwed up but - I want to try to do better than my parents did? ... I want to try to give them a better world."

Leina accepts at least that Akane is trying to be glad someone feels that way. She'll get there, she thinks - eventually. It'll be a long road.

"Yeah. I do."

Leina then tells her...

"I already don't." She tells her, "Regret it. This is what I wanted ever since I first figured out what was going on. Did it hurt worse than I wish it did? ... Yeah. But, I wanted you out of there, I wanted to give you this chance. You getting it?"

She smiles wider, "There's no way I could ever regret that." Even if Akane screwed it up later, she at least got THIS time. Time she wouldn't have gotten otherwise.

"God our parents sucked." As she agrees, putting them both in the same box... and honestly? She's feeling relief too in just... coming out about it so freely.

And then Akane asks about the legal aspects, "... Yeah, I think she cited some abandonment provisions or something. Or maybe she got them to sign the papers and didn't tell me?"

There's a small shake of head, like she's a LITTLE exasperated with Sayla sometimes, but it's affectionate, "The point is, she can definitely help you with it. She knows the law real well with all she does in the Yumi Foundation - and has fantastic lawyers, and connections."

There is one important question to ask though, "Hey Akane? ... After she did though? After she helped you make that break?" Leina keeps her arms around her, but just leans to the side to catch her eyes, "Where were you gonna go? Do you have someplace in mind?"

<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.

"Yeah... though really that stuff's kinda falling apart even in Japan. There's a lot of stuff they keep trying to lower to 18 or even 15... I don't like it. It's probably part of why my mom thought shoving me in that apartment was fine." She scowls a little at that -- but at the same time, it feels good to imply it was not, in fact, fine.

Akane takes mental note of the legal side of things. Maybe that's something she can ask Sayla for help with, too -- how old do you have to be to start your own family register, again...? Sayla would probably know that too -- oh, or Ikumi might...

... she pushes the thought aside. There's 'now' stuff to deal with -- like where she plans to go next. "Ahaha, I have no idea, actually," she admits, when she's asked where she could go next. "I haven't even gotten around to thinking about that yet... there's so much going on. I wanna be somewhere people actually care about me -- and right now, that's here, and that's fine! ... I don't wanna go back to my apartment full-time, though. Either of them." Both options for what that means are pretty depressing, so she's trying to push it off.

Still... she owes it some thought. "I'm kinda scared of being alone," she admits, "but at the same time, 'ex-God! doesn't do dishes!' isn't a great elevator pitch for a roommate."

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

Leina just seems taken aback a touch by Akane talking about a cultural movement in that direction, "Goddd, until you told me that I thought it was like some anime overexaggeration! You know how like there's a character in every show that is a teen who lives by themselves? And I always thought that's horrible!"

Leina shakes her head, seeming disturbed, "But until I met you I hadn't known anyone in Japan that- actually lived like that."

Part of her feels bad, like living with the Kabutos mostly exposed her to the better aspects of Japan, and her relief work exposed her to the most extreme of the darkest aspects - but by living in those extremes, some people fell through the cracks, just like so many of them did in Shangri-la.

Akane laughs awkwardly in admission, but she also notes how much she doesn't want to be alone - back in that apartment, and Leina mulls the idea over, and-

There's a moment's thought, this pensive look, and then a ghost of a smile as she comes by an idea, "Well... let's see, you've probably seen some version of our place."

Leina notes, without mentioning Bujack once again, "We've got lots of space. Basically ten rooms that Sayla's always wanted to fill. But for years it's just been her, me, and the cats."

Leina cautions after a moment, "I think Sayla would be on board - but we do have Renais living with us now, and Anti has been with us off and on for months."

Once again that arm tightens around her just subtly, "But if they were fine with it, I don't see any reason why not once Sayla took care of your emancipation. My brother and his girlfriend lives with us too now but-"

A soft chuckle, "-ahhh would you believe they basically have no idea who you even are??? But I'm positive I can sell you to them no sweat."

<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.

"Ahahaha... yeah, right?" Akane rubs at the back of her head, saying, "I didn't really get it when I was in middle school, but there's a lot of older folks who seem to feel that way. I don't really get why they're pushing it when they had the chance to grow up slow like that..." When she mentions a teen who lives by themselves, though -- "Haha, yeah. My apartment was pretty lonely. I was living like that most of third year."

Leina mentions she's probably seen some version of their place and that much is definitely true. Akane thinks about it for a little while -- though the fact that Renais and Anti are living there makes her pause. She looks down, trying to figure out how she feels about that.

"... I'm not going to say yes right off the bat," she says. "I don't want to get my hopes up, and... Mmmrh. I know Anti said he wanted to be there for me, but at the same time, I don't feel like..." Akane gestures with her hands, and it's sort of... a visual scribble. One of her feet starts twitching a bit, too. "... I'll ask him, and tell him it's okay if he says no, too. I don't wanna feel like I'm forcing out of somewhere he felt good and got better."

Rubbing at the back of her head, she asks, "What's your brother like? And his girlfriend, I guess?" She does want to know what she's getting into.

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

"I feel it's because people of every generation feel their generation or prior generations were the best, most moral examples of how society could be. Thus - every subsequent generation is a degenerate step down."

Leina sighs quietly, "They can't show empathy for our generation while nostalgia is getting in the way. And because they make no attempt to understand they see this generation as lazy and undisciplined and immoral - so they they think they have to go extra hard on us, make us grow up faster so they can be moral, productive members of society."

Leina gives Akane a dead on look, "It sucks and they suck for thinking it's the correct answer. When my mom left I was expected to be the... 'woman' of the house by my Dad." A beat pause, "I was six. And doing almost all of the cooking, cleaning, and laundry by the time I was seven."

That's how she earned being considered a 'good girl' by him.

The topic moves onward to Akane moving in again, and Leina follows her looking down, "Alright. ... But if the two of them are okay with it, just promise me you won't psyche yourself out of it? Like you'd be ruining things?"

Her expression becomes extremely serious, "Like I said earlier, you deserve better, from yourself too."

Akane asks about her brother, and Leina actually smiles, "Judau is basically the only person who ever... really cared about me until Sayla. When it became just the two of us - he actually became a criminal because he thought he could send me to a better school that way."

There's some amusement in her eyes "... I disagreed by the way that this was the right way to go about things, strenuously... and actually ah - schemed for us both to join the AEUG just out of Gryps, to get him out of that life."

If Akane did the math she'd be... ten? Eleven???

"I became... a prisoner of War of Neo-Zeon. And he wouldn't stop trying to rescue me. Even when he got threatened with military punishment. He just deserted and kept trying. And trying. That's the kind of guy he is."

There's just this, warm and fuzzy feeling from her, this smile like she can't help but smile, "He's such a dummy, but he has the... biggest heart."

She then tilts his head to the side, "Roux was another pilot in the AEUG back when that actually meant something. She's more practical than him - and very passionate. The two actually just back from Jupiter after an eight year stint with the Energy Fleet because..."

Her eyes darken somewhat, and she looks down, "... at the end of that war they both had to get away, from the Federation, from Earth. They were just... hurt so badly, it took them a long time to work themselves up to coming back."

<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.

"Yeah, I kind of get that... I didn't have it quite the same, but." Akane zeroes in on her family in a way that she's avoided thinking about much over the last couple years. "My mom was out on business a lot? And my dad, like... he's a cop but that's kinda oversimplifying it. He consults or something." She waves it off, saying, "They both kinda expected me to take care of myself after we moved away from Nagoya though."

Extremely loaded statement for someone Akane's age!

"... okay," Akane affirms. "I don't think Renais is going to say no, but... Anti I think has every right to go either way. I'll ask him, and if he says yes... I'll do it." A smile crosses her face, even if it's at strain. "Thank you."

The conversation moves on to Leina's brother though. Akane's eyes widen as she goes through the full story -- becoming a criminal to take care of her? Getting them into the AEUG as children? Akane gapes after a little while. "Seriously?!" she eventually stammers out. "Man. Brothers are really made of something else, ahahaha..." She rubs at the back of her head, saying, "Given all the junk you went through, I'm glad he was there for you." ... she definitely owes Anti even more appreciation than she already has -- and probably more credit, too.

Roux, though... "It sounds like they balance each other really well," she reflects. "And -- wow. Yeah... ahahah, obviously I get that. If I'd been their age when the Bloody Valentine happened, I'd probably have done more or less the same thing... maybe."

It's a bit of a struggle to say what she wants to say next -- but after taking another deep, steadying breath, she forces it out. "I'm glad I'm here now though."

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

Leina listens to Akane's situation, and then just decides, "They suck. Even if they think it's better for you or something - especially if they do. They still suck, because they don't care enough to be a real part of your life."

She listens to Akane work her way through it, smiling as she tells her that she'll do it if Anti says yes, "Hey - you're welcome." Leina grins, "And I don't mind telling you that I have an ulterior motive in asking!"

Gasp!!!

"... If you're living with us it means Rikka will be around all the time-" Leina says with a sage tone. "-another clear plus to this arrangement."

Leina's still all smiles talking about Judau, "My brother is at least." While Leina knows barely anything about Edouard, she knows that he was anything but that... "Yeah me too. I... I don't know who I'd be - where I'd be, if not for him."

It's a vulnerable admission perhaps, but...

In the end there's so much more she could tell Akane about the war, about how young they were, about how it all worked out. About Glemy and Haman - about how Neo-Zeon devoured itself.

In the end, she chooses to leave it at that for now. "... Yeah it's... it's easy to be motivated by events like Bloody Valentine, we lived under the shadow of the Titans and 30 Bunch in my Colony on Side 1. When the Argama pulled into port from Gryps..."

Leina actually looks kind of chagrined. "... I guess, I saw them as heroes. I saw them as an opportunity for a better life for Judau. ... Sure piloting was dangerous but, he was a natural, and he was already risking his life every day just to save up money for me."

There's some hesitance, before she tells Akane, "...I'm not going to lie to you, it's even worse out there now. Right before Tsutsujidai came back, G-Hound? Blue Cosmos? They invaded a PLANT, turned it into a forced labor camp... and committed a genocide of the old and infirm."

Something softens in her eyes, "I wish you didn't have to make the decision to come out of where you were - into this. Into this. ... But there are a lot of people out there, trying their hardest to make things better. You've met some of them - but maybe you don't realize just how close some of them are to you."

And after a moment's debate she tells her, "... For example, Ako. She told me she was going to do everything she could, to make this a better world... for you."

<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.

Akane nods to Leina, saying, "Heroes... yeah. That's a whole thing. I dunno if I could handle going into it, but..." She rubs at her head, conceding, "For a ten year old? There's way worse plans to come up with and way worse people to throw yourself at."

The implications that Rikka will be around a lot if she's living with them -- that's... "Exactly how fast do you think we're taking this?" she asks, managing to get a little playful. "I mean -- like -- uh -- I don't want to move too fast, but, a little fast, might be..."

Turning bright pink, she admits, "She's amazing and she's hot and I want to be with her so bad."

The conversation doesn't stay that light forever, though. When Leina brings up that it's even worse than it was when she left, Akane's eyes widen -- she looks so exhausted, so despairing. She draws her knees up toward herself, saying, "... that kinda stuff is why I left in the first place. I always... like, I'm pretty sure even if it hadn't happened I would've taken Alexis's bait, just a few months later, but... Junius Seven was..." It's hard for her to talk about. Her nails dig into her skin. "... all they were trying to do was feed themselves and the Federation couldn't even handle that. I just got -- so mad, so miserable, that I just wanted not to even be here. If Alexis hadn't been there..."

A growl builds in her gut, then turns to a shout. "Rrrhgghhhhh -- it sucks! I hate that I owe him that one and I hate that he knew I owed him that one!" she cries, slamming her fist into -- the bed, this time. After a moment, she reaches out to the call button, taps it, and says, tiredly and maybe a bit too clipped, "Nothing happened. I'm fine."

Still, though -- Leina does have good news. "Ako said that? I... part of the reason I wanted to put my -- put Tsutsujidai back where it was was because I wanted a better world for people like her. Uuugh... god, this is so stupid..."

Tearing up a bit, she allows, "I... wish I could just make it better. I still wish that. But it's too big for me, and I kept screwing it up..."

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

Leina just smiles and nods in understanding at the idea that Akane can't handle going into it, "... I feel you. It's hard for me to... talk about what I think of heroes now too."

After all, someone who is a hero to everyone, even her own boyfriend...

Ruined the happiness that Sayla and her built, apocalyptically.

Akane however flusters at the idea that Leina might think they're taking it pretty fast, and something twinkles in Leina's eyes, "As fast or as slow as the two of you are comfortable with. And hey, no judgment from me. I recently broke... several of my rules about how fast I thought I'd ever go with someone."

A beat...

"Two someones actually..."

Does she mean!?

...No she's just talking about kissing on the first date... or how quickly one says 'I love you.'

Akane's reaction to being told, as she draws herself in, Leina's second arm encircles her again in a hug, as she watches the nails dig into her skin, "... Akane..."

One of the arms rubs at her side, and for a time, she doesn't say anything. She gets it. They both get it. It sucks...

As she shouts, her grip loosens somewhat, giving her access to the bed, then the call button...

There's, a pause, then a sigh. She doesn't really want to get into it... "... You're not... fine."

Leina notes gently, perhaps far too honest a person in this regard, "... The guy who kept me prisoner. I owe him... too. ... A lot actually." Her eyes grow distant, "I hate him, I hate him... but I... cared for him too... care for him. ... It's not so easy as feeling one way, or the other. It's a mess... it's been a mess for me for years."

Fortunately things go back to a more pleasant topic in Ako. And after a time, it still brings tears, and... she stands up, walks to one of the counters, and brings back a small box of tissues on it.

And hands Akane one, "... I wish I could too, and I intend to try. Maybe it's too big for me. Maybe it's too big for you. Or Ramo - and Ako - and Rikka..."

A beat pause...

"... but in the end it won't be a miracle that fixes things. It can't be. It'll be enough of us standing up and working for it. And maybe all of us will screw up, a lot along the way, maybe way harder than you even..." There's a gentle smile, "...but I have faith we can get there one day."

<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.

Akane... can't quite muster the energy for romance talk now, in favor of just... accepting the silence, and the hug. It's nice not to be alone with that thought, even if it does mean squirming her hand out to hit the call button. It still hurts, though. Knowing where she came from and how she got here...

It's simultaneously better and worse to know that Leina gets it. It would be worse to be alone in the feeling -- but again, her tragedies being unremarkable makes her angrier at a world where they are indeed unremarkable.

Grabbing a tissue and rubbing at her face -- she's not quite bad-off enough to need to remove a bunch of snot -- Akane continues to let Leina speak. 'Enough of us,' huh. If she herself can't make a difference she can see, she wants to say, isn't it the same as if she weren't there? "... that's... oogh. Even one person screwing up as bad as I have is too much, but..." Akane turns her head toward Leina, still looking just as weak and tired. Some hair droops into her eyes. "I still don't feel like there's something only I can do, but..."

She does, at least, stop making herself quite so small on the bed, and leans on Leina a little bit. "I'm surprised I'm still on this base and not, like, getting shipped out to some ex-Titans facility for them to see what turning into a kaiju does to someone... I know 3G would fight that. I'm not stupid. I just feel like if it came to that they might... not win."

Hanging her head, Akane finishes, "That's the way the world seems set up, right now, and I don't know where I'd even start on changing it."

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

It does suck, that in her work with the Yumi Foundation she found out how unremarkable these tragedies truly are...

"... is it?" Leina asks her, "Akane. In the end, what is the separation between you and someone like Renais? ... Or Anti? ... Or a Cyber-Newtype that was manipulated to kill multitudes? I realize you're going to tell me it's different, and I get that in some ways it is, but in the end despite the ways it may be different - you were still manipulated, and abused - and yes you screwed up. We accept them now, despite what they did or were made to do."

Leina then pauses and adds softly, "And we accept you too. If you can give them some grace... then save a little for yourself too. If you want to help - then we all want your help." She does smile now, "But if you wanted to rest, recover - figure things out, not a single one of us would blame you."

Leina wishes she could be shocked that Akane thinks that could happen, but she isn't. So as Akane leans on her, "I'm not. Even if they managed to do that to you, Sayla would head it off at the pass and have Gendo Ikari assassinated the day after."

She then raises her subtly as she calls out to the room, "That's not some idle threat in case you happen to have this placed bugged 'Commander Ikari'!"

It was an obvious joke of course, and Leina just smiles in it's aftermath as if apologetic for it being such a bad joke, "We all fought so hard for you once Akane, all of us in our own ways. Not win?" Leina shakes her head, "Please. The world may be set up that way - but the Federation wouldn't even dare pick that battle, after how much the people they hold up as 'heroes' fought like that for you."

Her expression becomes somber once again, in this evaluation of the Federation, "... In the end, they're cowards. They predate on people who are vulnerable, who can't fight back, and have noone to fight for them. They rely... on the apathy that their system fosters upon people to give them the power to do this." And in that perhaps, Akane will certainly realize she means marginalized groups like Coordinators. "If you really wanted to start changing things... then start with how much you care about injustice towards the people they prey on - and use it become someone who fights for them."

She perhaps qualifies that a touch, since fighting on some front line isn't for everyone, "Even if it's not in a mobile suit. ... For years my own way of doing that was charity work."

<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.

"You're not the first person to point that out... the last time it made me mad. Now it's just kinda upsetting," Akane answers Leina, on the topic of the numerous ways people become child soldiers in the Universal Century. "When Renais had that -- Triple Zero thing going on, most of the reason I wanted to fix it was because I just... couldn't handle the idea of that kind of thing happening. Maybe I kinda knew it was what was happening to me. I don't even know anymore."

She giggles at the shouting about assassinating Gendo, even though hearing her shout it that plainly is a little nervewracking. "... I'll try to believe that," Akane says, even though she isn't as sure that the Federation works that way.

... something clicks in her head a bit. She'll have to talk to Guy about that one, actually...

Leina offers Akane a path forward -- 'someone who fights for the people systems consume.' It's... hard to imagine that as her right now -- even after saying that was exactly what she wanted for Ako and was willing to kill for.

What she manages, ultimately, is, "It's gonna take me a long time to figure that out. I wish what I could do felt more obvious -- something like Rikka was doing with the water cannons and stuff..." She is coming, bit by bit, to appreciate the heroism even after quite literally tearing it down.

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

"I can imagine I'm not. Just... situations like that are personal to me." There's a quiet sense of sincerity in the moment, "And that includes yours. ... And hers... and Alouette's..." Becoming more abstracted in that moment, "... It's never... not upsetting..."

Akane may not believe it works that way and she has good reason to feel that way but...

... if nothing else, Leina has faith in Sayla, and GGG when it comes to championing someone they've fought so hard for.

"There's no rush." Leina says as she squeezes her hand, "Take your time to figure it out - because you have to take care of yourself first."

She smiles to herself, "As much as I love her, that's one lesson Sayla has never figured out. ... Taking care of herself, so she can take care of others."

This really is a pot calling the kettle black situation isn't it with the two of them?

"... Honestly part of me kinda regrets that I didn't stick around after I helped evacuate the festival that day."

Leina grins, and pat pat pat, "I've never managed to watch her in a fight, but I don't doubt she's incredible out there."

<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.

Akane has to wonder what that even looks like. Taking care of herself. Isn't that what she was doing before Tsutsujidai? Literally taking care of herself? "I'll do my best," Akane says, though 'her best' doesn't feel like very much right now.

... Sayla's an easier topic. "She kinda said the same thing to me. I think she sees a lot of me in her? She said that if Alexis had arrived a couple decades ago, it probably would've been her sleeping in garbage cans in the rain last month instead of me." It feels weird to bring that up out of nowhere, but... Leina knows Sayla even better than she does, so it's probably not lost on her that this is the case.

At the mention of never getting to see her fight, though... "Yeah, she's honestly pretty amazing. I don't think she's afraid of much, either. Except..." Trailing off, she tries to figure out how to say this.

"... She hates the idea of losing people a lot," Akane volunteers, eventually. "The way she shows it isn't, like, the way 3G does, except maybe she feels a little like it did when Taiga was on the news when I was little. But I don't think she's capable of giving up on someone, even if it hurts her."

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

Leina perhaps understands her best doesn't feel like much for now, "You'll figure it out." Is all she says, but...

... Akane is perhaps treated to something interesting. Leina looking, startled, "What? ... I..." She looks, genuinely troubled, perturbed as she thinks on it more and more...

"... I don't... I mean I get why she could see herself in you but..."

Leina's mind just gropes, and gropes, and gropes for what Akane means by that, and comes up short, because there are some things Sayla Mass never talks about...

"... She would have depressed about her parents in that... barn fire but... no... "

Leina rubs her face, murmuring to herself, genuinely disturbed, sounding low key devastated that there's something about Sayla she doesn't understand in this regard, something that would make her enticing prey to something like Alexis Kerib, "... God it had to be Edouard. Of course it had to be Edouard after he just... left her but... I didn't realize..."

And Akane might realize... the more, and more she talks, there's no sense that she's hiding anything. As close as she may be to Sayla...

... she has absolutely no idea that she's Artesia Som Deikun, that her older brother is Casval Rem Deikun.

That her older brother dropped the Asteroid that was miracled away from Earth, but made collateral damage of her happiness...

It takes conversation of Rikka to draw her out of that, because Leina just looked, haunted, "She is. And..." A beat, "... ah. Yeah. Yeah she does. I got that sense the first time we met actually. Uh..."

Leina smiles behind the hand against her cheek, "... To be honest I asked her if she had a crush on anyone, and she was hesitant to just... come out with it, but she talked about you in a name no names kind of way. I didn't know really what was going on then - just she described your situation as... how much she knew she was going to get hurt trying to get you out of the situation she was in... how much she had already been hurt."

There's that wan smile again, "I think that's what drew me to wanting to help her actually, to help you even before I knew all the details... I hate... giving up on someone, even if it hurts me too."

<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.

Edouard? Who's... oh, of course, Akane thinks -- and as she traces Leina's surprise, she realizes that Sayla is like her in another key way:

She doesn't tell anyone shit about fuck!!

Well, that's one more secret to keep. That's fine for now -- but she's going to have to try really goddamn hard to avoid telling Leina that part. Why is this woman so closed off...

Talk of Rikka pulls both of them out of the spiral. "Wait -- I mean, I believe that, but... wow. I... really do owe her a lot." It's a debt she doesn't think she can ever repay -- but then, maybe it's not a debt.

Maybe it's a gift. And the way you repay a gift is --

"... no, what I owe her is to be the person she believed I could be, and not just for her," she says, pulling herself out of the possibility of spiraling over the hard work before she even gets to it. "And... I want to talk to Gridman. I'm -- really eager to, honestly, even if I'm a little scared. I hurt him a lot... I don't think I can move forward until I talk to him."

Is that really it? Or --

"... no, that's not really it either... I think I just want to say thanks, is all." The thought... does bring a small smile to her face. "I don't think I could have made myself get up for a second round, let alone, like, ten, the way he did."

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

She doesn't dwell upon Edouard more for now... the only one who can tell her more is Sayla, and she knows Sayla won't. She's invoked him fewer times than the fingers on one hand in all the time she's known her.

"... Well. ... I have faith that you can become that person, one day Akane."

And it's clear she's not just saying that, that she's not being condescending like some parental figure about a child chasing a dream. She really does think Akane can become the person Rikka believed she could be.

"Oh yeah?" Leina smiles her way, "Well, I can imagine it is a little scary but I'm glad you want to thank him. I'm sure he'd be happy to talk to you, once you're ready to drop by Aya again."

There's a small smile, "Or hey maybe there's a space we can go where Yuta can just call him up. It's a special occasion right? I'm sure he'd be willing to for this."

Oh no.

She doesn't know THAT either.

<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.

... Leina doesn't seem to know -- about any of it. It's nervewracking. Oh, sure, Akane isn't fully aware of the extent to which Yuta 'is' Gridman at the moment either -- they haven't gotten the chance to speak since then. But...

"You know I stabbed Hibiki-kun, right? I know he's not dead, and I'm... trying to tell myself both of us can come back from that. But... we have to at least try talking to figure out if that's really true." She takes one of her hands in the other, gripping at it and rolling it between her fingers awkwardly.

"... I'll figure it out eventually," she finally concludes. "Thanks for stopping by. I'm getting a little worn out again, but it's -- nice to see you. I'll let you know what Anti and Renais say when I ask."

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

Leina knows some things it's just, Sayla can't really recount every single detail, not really, and it'll be weeks before all the reports are written for her to peruse.

Her eyes blink as if she got slapped the moment she says she stabbed Hibiki-kun, but then they close, and she takes a deep breath of relief...

"No I didn't know."

Leina is quiet for a time after, letting Akane work through it, "Oh hey, you're welcome. Yeah this, I can imagine. ... And definitely, please do."

Giving her one last hug from the side, she then stands up, and walks towards the door, but as she reaches it, and the door opens, her steps, slow, then stop in the middle of the frame, fingertips on the door...

"... During the war there's a girl I knew, my brother... told her we could be family together." Leina looks over her shoulder at this moment, "Right after he found her trying to strangle me to death with a pipe."

She lets that settle in.

"... Speaking from the perspective of someone on the receiving end of that... I think we could have come back from it."

She sounds a touch mournful, "There's nothing I would have wanted more... than to have had the chance. ... Rest well Akane."

She steps out of the room slowly, perhaps giving her some time to answer, but otherwise, respects her wish to let her rest.

<Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.

Akane looks at Leina, flummoxed. It's... a complicated feeling, and one Leina keeps confronting her with: that her story is not unique. There's a different way Leina presents it to her, though -- one that suggests that rather than that being validation for staying exactly as she is, it's a sign she can and should do better.

"Then I'll try not to waste that chance," Akane says -- as much to herself as to Leina, as she departs. "Thank you."

She gets settled in in bed again. ... she really needs to get this nap thing under control, but for now... maybe it's fine to just rest.