2024-06-12: Hesitation! Boss Talks Around The Kafim's Truth

• Log: Hesitation! Boss Talks Around The Kafim's Truth
• Cast: Yuliana Kafim, Boss
• Where: The Photon Power Labs
• Date: 2024-06-12
• Summary: Boss, Mucha, and Nuke come to visit Yuliana -- who's taking an extra week with the Photon Power Labs, at her doctor's recommendation. They find her trying to write up a safety plan she can live with, only to realise that Yuliana still blames herself for the issues in her marriage... but they at least manage to distract her by helping her plan some more child-friendly heavy machinery toys. (CW: domestic abuse)

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<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.

        "My Elisa was perfectly happy to -- for me to stay a little longer," Yuliana says, to Alectros, as she rearranges things in their sand garden. (She catches herself before she describes it so blatantly in terms of her permission; they'd certainly get the wrong idea, then.) "She's not criticised me for it at all... she's been nothing but kind, Trosha. I think -- you know -- I think this whole thing has been overblown! I don't like keeping it from her..."

        "But why," Alectros asks, "don't you like it?"

        "It's unfaithful!" Yuliana exclaims. "Why -- my Elisa's sure to be upset. To hear me listen to such awful things!"

        "But we were just talking about your fears," they point out, gently. "And how you feel like you can't evaluate what's going on without second-guessing yourself. You weren't saying anything wrong."

        "It's troublesome," Yuliana sulks.

        "It isn't," they promise her. "Have you ever heard of an emotional safety plan, Yuliana?"

        "No..."

        And that's how Yuliana ends up sitting in one of the Lab's meeting rooms, currently unoccupied, scowling over a piece of paper with a pen in hand. (Elisa has full access to her tablet, so they advised a more low-tech approach to this exercise.) She cross-references with a printout in dyslexic-friendly font, a terrible storm cloud raging about her... metaphorically speaking. Her One Year Worn t-shirt advertises a punk band from the 80s; as always, she's wearing a lot of denim, today. When she's not dressing for an operation, she's a denim lesbian, who knew?

        What everyone does know is how she's never handled being bad at anything with particular grace.

<Pose Tracker> Boss has posed.

In one sense, it's been quiet for Boss recently; not much fighting in a while, no big shake-ups in his day-to-day. His visits to the Photon Power Labs aren't infrequent, but there's not been much tuning of Boss Borot for combat. At a glance, you might think it's been a slow period for him and his partners, calmly going through the motions without any concerns at all. It's not the worst life you could lead.

But it's not quite Boss's life. To him, the well-being of his friends' daily lives is no less deserving of care than any monster or machine causing a stir. He would always respond to any request to talk from Yuliana, of course, but what information he does have about her recent therapy sessions creates a little more gravity around him as he makes for the PPL.

Nuke and Mucha are, of course, right behind him. Boss did consider the possibility that Yuliana might want more space, but he figures she wouldn't like any preemptive measures suggesting a problem, especially before clarifying that she's not the problem. So, the trio arrives in their usual manner, just as any other time they've come to visit.

Once he's let in after a knock at the door, Boss steps into the meeting room, and the three take their seats as they greet Yuliana - all three of them close together, despite the abundance of empty seats. (It's a habit they've never felt inclined to break.) "Hope you're not getting too bored in here", Boss remarks about the pen and paper. He's not inclined to jump right into anything too deep in the first 30 seconds of their conversation - but he figures giving Yuliana some means to express her frustration is a good way to help her not close herself off.

<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.

        "Oh, hey!" Yuliana brightens, looking up to see the trio coming in. (How do they all fit through the door at once? (Obviously they go single file for that. (But it's a funny mental image to imagine them getting stuck. (Yuliana gets distracted by these nested parentheses for the next 4.9 seconds, and then --)))) "Boss! And Muchan and Nukyukha, too!" One might ask why she's referring to Nucha and Nuke with that kind of slang naming and not Boss, until one realises --

        -- that in fact --

        -- she's just calling him 'Boss' in Russian.

        'Boss' is 'Boss' is 'Boss', and the universe remains in alignment.

        "Ahhh, it's terribly boring," she pouts, gesturing with a tentacle to the papers -- before one of them snatches up the printouts in its grabby hands which are also jaws and hands them over to Nuke. That's. That's just a normal thing, now, apparently. At least her frills are hidden behind her ears, so it's just the tentacles, right now. "I mean, look at this! It's ridiculous!"

        It's full of advice about how how to accept your emotions and decisions and develop your resilience when dealing with abuse. It contains such ridiculous advice as 'seeking out supportive people' to think through what's going on and figure out what she can do, 'identifying achievable goals' to help her reach out and understand her options, 'creating a peaceful space for herself' where she can feel safer, and reminders of her inherent value, lack of fault for abuse and need for self-care.

        You know! Ridiculous stuff.

        "Alectros told me I should figure one out for myself," she grouses, invoking one of their allies from the Mycenae War -- they went on to become a diversional therapist instead of developing their war skills, for some mysterious reason. (It was seeing the effects of war. That was what happened.) "But it all just -- this was written for someone in danger, it's insulting I'd be given it! I mean -- sure -- sure, sometimes my Elisa can be sensitive, I -- I'm not going to deny that. Sometimes it puts pressure on me... sure. But she's been nothing but nice since I asked her what she thought of me staying longer," she pouts, tossing her pen down on the table so she can fold her arms. (And her tentacles. That's double the sulking power.) "Every night when I ring her, she's so understanding! She doesn't pressure me, she's not even saying how it's hard on her or anything... this is really blown out of proportion."

        Yuliana doesn't even consider the possibility that maybe Elisa is being nicer specifically because she's realised they might be talking about her.

<Pose Tracker> Boss has posed.

Boss is a constant. From time immemorial to its furthest reaches, Boss remains. (He did need the lack-of-nickname thing explained to him when he first heard it, but that was a long time ago.)

Nuke is unfazed by the tentacles - he sees no reason why that can't be normal, as he reaches over to grab the papers while hardly even registering it. What surprises him (and Boss, though Mucha seems unsurprised) is the contents of the papers - very to the point about what's going on. They'd kind of assumed Yuliana was just being asked to draw on paper for peace of mind or something. Fortunately, they do not vocalize their misunderstanding, as they instead let Yuliana continue with her complaints.

One point yes and one point no - Boss seems correct on not opening with anything that sounds too much like one of Yuliana's therapists, but evidently there's no need to talk around what the subject matter is. That's a relief for Boss; he's accepted the need to approach an issue slowly sometimes, but he's never been fond of it. Still, he hesitates in the face of point-blank disagreeing with her; but what else can he do? Dismiss all the help the PPL's tried to give her? Of course he can't do that, but-

Just long enough goes by that Yuliana has the chance to notice his hesitation, but it's saved from becoming completely obvious, as Mucha instead responds first. "Just because you're being given a textbook doesn't mean this is a textbook case. These papers might make it sound scary, but making space for yourself doesn't automatically mean you're running away, right? If your wife is being understanding, that probably means she understands there's value in what you're being asked to do."

And yet, even the seemingly ever-composed Mucha isn't fully confident; even now, his words are giving Elisa far more credit than he'd like. It's Mucha, though, who's willing to make that short-term sacrifice to keep the conversation from spiraling - he just hopes he's not digging a hole he'll need to get back out of later.

<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.

        Yuliana hums, head tilting, as she focuses on Mucha. "I... I guess that's right," she says, slowly. "They wanted me to work on a plan, but it was all about getting away, and... it was upsetting. All that talk about -- making sure the children know, but not too much, because they might tell her, and -- and what's wrong with that? It's like the whole conceit was calling me a child!" She shakes her head, voice raising as she protests the situation.

        But she's been in therapy for a long time, so instead of throwing anything (what does she even have to throw aside from the table? oh no --) she closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths and counts to ten and just strangles someone in her imagination.

        Listen, Alectros told her to think of something calming.

        "I don't need to leave," she insists, and she is a little calmer, at least. "I don't want to leave. But... but I guess... this stuff isn't running away. Not -- not really." She takes another breath, and supposes, "... I guess I talk to people here a lot. And, you know -- back home -- I do talk to Wendy, you know. And my mother... I can talk to them." Whether either of them would actually move against Elisa is another question, but it's not one Yuliana concerns herself with.

        She frowns, her fingers drumming on her arm. "It's just," she says, voice smaller, "Elisa doesn't know. She doesn't know... why I'm still here, after my PNT finished. I just said... I just said I was working on stuff in therapy, and... and the doctors said I shouldn't leave in the middle of it. Maybe -- maybe she'd understand even if I told her, but -- but I haven't really told her. Not really. They say it's not lying... but it feels like I'm lying," she says, with a deflating sigh.

        Damn, she really tells her wife everything, huh?

<Pose Tracker> Boss has posed.

Boss is still not sure where to go from here, but he finds it's hard to think while also focusing on listening (which he naturally prioritizes.) With the time he's gained from Mucha's own advice, though, he manages the confidence to press just a little into lightly insinuating that Elisa is being just a touch excessively controlling.

Once Yuliana finishes, he starts slowly- not in literal speech, but in how much insistence is in his phrasing. "The PPL's asking you to take a big jump in how you handle your relationship. That's not something they'd do lightly, and clearly it's not how you'd usually handle things like this" - still hesitant to namedrop "abuse", even with the papers still in Nuke's hand making no secret of it - "but you'd have a hard time saying this is easy to go back and forth on. You can't force someone to forget something - no matter how well you can manage what comes afterwards, the fact is it's a different situation than before. You might..."

Might what? Have to get used to keeping secrets? Have to trust the PPL over Elisa? Have to accept the possibility of actually lying for her own sake? All thoughts that go through Boss's head, with varying degrees of confidence, and he can tell the end of the line is coming for how long he can skate around saying that she does need to get away. Is it time he just says it out loud?

"...might need to be patient with the Labs. You're not doing anything wrong, and they're trying to help with the feeling that you are. It may feel bad now, but it'll be really important in the long run."

He still can't quite get there.

<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.

        It's... different.

        It's different, because she can't forget what she's learned.

        She can't forget... that everyone reacted like this, when they saw what...

        Yuliana sighs, at length, her arms releasing from around her; she puts an elbow on the table, instead, to rest her cheek on a hand. "I know... I know," she says, deflated. "I... I mean, I don't think... I don't think Dr. Kimura and the others are trying to hurt me." Whether they're doing so by accident is space she has to leave open, in her head.

        (Because she's already predicted she might hear that explanation. She learned how to police her own thoughts in the REA, but...)

        "It's... it's a long process," she settles on, after a moment's pause. "You know, the -- the recovery. The... they want me to get better. And I don't want to just... leave." She takes another deep breath. "I was scared my Elisa would say, you know -- it would be better if -- I didn't come back here. But I was scared for no reason... even though it's demanding more of my time, she hasn't said anything. She's been very supportive. Very supportive," Yuliana emphasises, again, to herself or to her friends.

        "I don't want to leave," she says, again. "But... but maybe... it's not like my Elisa doesn't communicate well," she interrupts herself, with a shrug of her free shoulder. "You know, I was upset when she kept insisting I check in, and -- and when she'd get so anxious when I missed telling her what I was doing for a little while -- like once my battery died when I was talking with Sayaka, and she got entirely the wrong impression... but when I said it bothered me, she stopped. Now, I -- of course I still message her often, but -- but it's because I want her to know, not because she'd rebuke me if I didn't." And that's better, to hear her tell it.

        "But... but maybe we could communicate a little better," she allows, finally, after all those justifications. "I mean -- I -- I guess I could stand to be better about it. Instead of just expecting her to know what I want. That's the whole problem... if Elisa knows something bothers me, she changes. She makes it better. So -- so you see -- I just have to speak up more. I don't think she'd be upset about that..."

        Well, that's what she tells herself, anyway.

<Pose Tracker> Boss has posed.

The three take note of Yuliana saying "recovery"- is this acknowledging what Yuliana's recovering from? But as she continues, it's clear that's not what she means - Yuliana isn't just saying she should "get better" as in recovery, but get "better" as in "stop causing the problem". Even in her concessions, she concedes only that she could improve.

But now they've walked right up to the very edge of "calling out Elisa directly", especially with the mention of that time with Sayaka. Even for all his concerns and uncertainty, Boss is steadfast enough that he will not make himself say that that's acceptable, and that Yuliana only needs to do a better job of how she grants Elisa control over her. He can't support that in good conscience.

Unfortunately, that doesn't leave him with very much he can support, or even say, outside of what the PPL's therapists have already told her. And it seems like she is being told everything she needs to hear, and that she's receptive to it. If she wants to stay in therapy, she's safe, right? Boss has faith in the Photon Power Labs, he believes in them. And he can always come back if he needs to!

So, he decides that's enough. For now, he just needs to be a stable source of support. He shifts easily back into his more familiar tone of voice: "You'll be okay. Everyone here wants what's best for you." That 'here' is silently ambiguous - oh so easy for Yuliana to interpret as charitably as she likes. "So just stick with it, alright? You'll get where you need to be." After any concluding remarks from Yuliana, Boss will offer; "anything else you want to talk about? Help you pass the time a little?" and the conversation will go where it may, easily and comfortably away from any points of friction.

And when their time is up and the trio moves to leave, they'll feel good about the whole thing. Yuliana is in good hands, and she's making great progress to ensure her well-being. Boss's boundless optimism will fill in the rest... save for a quiet, itching doubt that something won't sit right with him.

<Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.

        She's safe, right?

        Surely she's safe.

        "I know," Yuliana smiles -- if a touch uneasily -- when Boss says that they want what's best for her. "It's been... nice... that other people have cared. It's... it was a change." She was never someone who was rescued, for much of her life; it's not difficult to see how she'd be touched by it. "But I'll surely get there."

        She smiles, though, and says -- "Actually, I was thinking about how to design a new toy for Makar," her youngest nephew, a five-year-old boy. "He still quite likes petit mobile suits -- but a lot of them aren't terribly fun, you know. Something like Boss Borot would surely be more entertaining for him!"

        She ends up dedicating most of that paper to drawing up schematics for cool new toys to design for her nephews instead of any kind of plan, but...

        ... well, at least she's smiling more by the time the trio leaves.