2024-05-09: Open Communication

• Log: 2024-05-14
• Cast: Kikka Kobayashi, Leina Ashta
• Where:
• OOC - IC Date:
• Summary: Worried that something might be bothering Leina that she hadn't mentioned, Kikka arranged a talk with Leina before their next date. They set their respective boundaries, and by the end of it, feel comfortable to move forward together. Leina warns Kikka of the sheer power of a potential Newtype bond and the effects it could have on a Newtype who lost sensitivity over time, like Kikka. Kikka takes it to heart, but asks Leina to trust in her if such a thing were to happen.

---

<Pose Tracker> Kikka Kobayashi has posed.

It's been about a month or two since Leina and Kikka spent the evening in Barcelona - a first date that went quite well. At least, Kikka was pretty happy with how it went... but she feels like there's some lingering concerns, and she's heard plenty of times that the best way to address those is good old fashioned communication.

With Leina as an ace pilot of Cathedra's Dominicus Corps, and Kikka acting as an intelligence agent for the enigmatic Terminal, on top of both attending different universities, their schedules inevitably overlap quite a bit, of course... but that's certainly something to communicate when entering a relationship, too.

So, after a rather typical day of classes for, Kikka decides to just open Vertex and send the text. She doesn't need to be at Magallanica this week, which means it's a lot more convenient to see Leina.

 [VERTEX] just got out of class, are you free today?
 [VERTEX] if you're not busy i wanted to talk face to face
 [VERTEX] it'd be nice to see each other and
 [VERTEX] i wanted to talk about us dating and moving forward
 
 When she shares her location, it shows that she's at the park and artificial greenery area of Von Braun City... one of
 the only areas of the industrial city that isn't metallic. She'll be waiting on a bench, underneath some trees, one
 literature schoolbooks slid into the messenger bag they picked out on their last date, the other about effective writing
 still on her lap.

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

It takes a bit for Leina to reply, whether it's because of being out on a mission - or in class, it's difficult to say.

 [VERTEX] theater_girl_wp: hey <3
 [VERTEX] theater_girl_wp: sure id love to
 
 And after the location was shared!
 
 [VERTEX] theater_girl_wp: making the arrangements right n and just what is wrong with just booking a commercial shuttle
 Enzo not everything has to be a Benerit shuttle it's just a quick flight to the moon you're making a big deal out of
 nothing
 ...
 ...
 ...
 ...

 [VERTEX] theater_girl_wp: sry voice to text accident
 [VERTEX] theater_girl_wp: be there soon
 
 When Leina walks up, she's wearing a simple white button up top with a peplum waist and puff sleeves. A black pair of
 cutoff jean shorts, and some sandals with rather secure buckles.
 
 Over her shoulder she's brought a purse, because she inevitably left her bag with her school work back on the Shuttle.
 
 With a wave and a waggle of her fingers, she sits down beside her and slides off her purse, "Glad we could meet up like
 this." She says, all smiles, but there's a vibe like she understands this is more serious than just some casual
 planning.
 
 "I've definitely been thinking about you."
 
 She could go for a discussion of small talk, the back and forth of 'How've things been going' and the sort but...
 
 "Well, I'd love to hear all about how things've been for you recently but-"
 
 There's a momentary pause, a smile and- "Well, honestly. It sounded important to you that we talk and- it's on a
 subject I find very important. So we can skip right to that if you'd prefer."
 
 She's definitely a little nervous, certainly she must be if she's asking to go right into it.

 

<Pose Tracker> Kikka Kobayashi has posed.

Kikka waits a bit for Leina to reply, understanding she might be busy - it will be a while before she has to get her own shuttle, and she'd really rather not rush this anyways. When she gets a response though, her eyes do light up.

[VERTEX] great! i'll see you there <3

Kikka can't help but chuckle at the voice-to-text misfire. Leina's Cathedra security detail really is strict about these
things... but she still appreciates that they're looking out for her beyond a token effort.

[VERTEX] no worries

[VERTEX] (a sticker of a haro and accompanied by a floating thumbs up

[VERTEX] see you soon!

Kikka's dressed on the professional, yet casual end herself having just come out of classes, with a simple pale pink
long-sleeved button-up and casual black dress pants. Seeing Leina, she waves and gestures for her to take a seat.

"Hey Leina! I'm.. really glad you could make it today," She starts, clicking her phone off and gently pushing it into
her bag. "It's always good to see you, and..." Leina says she's been thinking of her, but if it's important they can
skip right to what she wanted to talk about.

"I'd love to hear what you've been up to lately, too." Kikka agrees. "But since you're offering... why don't we get into
it?" She suggests, with a hint of nerves of her own. But she was the one who made the call... so it's only right that
she starts.

"Okay! I think I should start by saying... I want to be with you. I had a really good time last month, and I'd love to
keep going, if you feel the same." Kikka says, completely serious despite being nervous just putting it out there.

"But at the same time, like I told you, this is my first serious relationship, so.. I want to make sure I understand
what your boundaries are. We're both living very different lives right now, and while I think we can make it work... I
think it's worth talking about?" She adds. Kikka is the type of person who feels 'understanding without
misunderstanding' isn't always possible, even if you're a Newtype.

"And... if there's something /you're/ worried about I'd like to hear about it, too. Is that okay?" She rustles her bag
against her legs - in-between anxious and relieved that she's talking about it.

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

Leina still keeps a well-worn smile on her face as she tells her she'd like to catch up too, but agrees to get into it.

There's some notable relief at what she says next, as if some tension unwinds from her as she takes a breath as she smiles a little more. "I do... want to be with you, that is."

However, she's had a lot of serious talks herself, and understands that a 'But' is implied so she doesn't entirely relax.

Just a little, because that's a great thing to springboard the 'but' off of.

Kikka brings up boundaries, and there's a thoughtful look, like she's already trying to think of - what boundaries to set.

When...

'if there's anything you're worried about'

Her eyes dip, it's obvious that there is something, but whether it's bad or not. "Hmm. Okay." And she nods, turning her posture a little more towards Kikka on the bench.

"Boundaries first. ... So I've been in a lot of relationships, so physically - I think my comfort zone is much higher than yours. Because of that, I want to go at your pace. What you're comfortable with. I don't want to pressure you - push you into something before you're ready."

A warmer smile, not even with a hint of teasing, just - genuine, sincere, "But - just for the record - you have no idea how much I want to kiss you."

She let's that settle in, and process, after all Kikka might be embarrassed, but then it's her turn to be embarrassed because - the much tougher boundary... "Emotionally, I'd say the biggest boundary I'd need to set is... I have a bad habit of taking myself for granted in a relationship. My needs... to put my partner's before my own. To... allow them to enable that."

There's an awkward shift in the seat, as she crosses one leg over another, and sighs, "It's... I need to be with someone that doesn't let me take myself for granted, because I will, and while I have to take responsibility for that myself - I need someone to check me too. To push back, to challenge me, to just not accept it when I do that. And especially not to accept it so much that they- stop checking."

There's a little discomfiture there, at that admission but she has gone into it some with Kikka in the past, regarding Banagher.

"If you're comfortable with that then I think I'm good with trying to move forward."

There's something in her green eyes like she's working up to - the next topic, but for now at least, "You next on boundaries I think."

<Pose Tracker> Kikka Kobayashi has posed.

As Leina confirms she feels the same, that she wants to be with her, Kikka relaxes a little herself... even if she knows that isn't just where the conversation ends. "I'm really glad you do..." She gives off one last upbeat smile, before getting into the next, more 'serious talk' part of it...

Kikka waits patiently, as Leina considers her own boundaries to set... though she notes those averted eyes when she brings up Leina's own potential worries. Her fingers curl up against her bag, while Leina speaks up, and she listens thoughtfully.

"Yeah... I really appreciate that." She nods, when Leina says she wants to set things at Kikka's pace. "I'm not really... you know, opposed to trying new things. I don't really feel pressured at the idea of it. More excited, really?" She confirms. "But if it ever comes up, of course I'll let you know."

Having made that clear, she softly smiles, and then...

'But - just for the record - you have no idea how much I want to kiss you.'

Kikka blinks, not quite sure how to process that at first, because of course it's embarrassing! But understanding the warm, genuineness of it... she leans her head into Leina's shoulder. "Then why don't you show me?" She asks, with not quite the smooth delivery she intended, but it's definitely affectionate.

The conversation feels like it's going well so far, but she leans back out just a little when they continue discussing boundaries. This one, about putting her partner's needs above her own... isn't fully a surprise to hear. "Yeah... I'd say I agree on that much." Kikka's folds her arms down on her leg.

"What I think is... I want to see you at your best. At your happiest, both inwardly and outwardly. If I think something's deeply wrong, or you're holding something back... it's hard not to want to challenge it." Despite her firm words, her blue gaze on Leina is gentle. "So I think I'm comfortable with it, and I'll do my best to keep it in consideration."

She pauses, to see if Leina has anything to add, and considers the question on her own boundaries. "I think keeping things to my own pace on physical boundaries is a good start. But emotionally, I guess one thing I'm worried about is just... suddenly losing you? And how I would.. even process that if we became really close." It might make sense - considering how many close connections she made that were just.. cut off. And Leina is a fighter, and Kikka is decidedly not.

"It's hard to really set that one other than to tell you to 'be careful in battle', and that's obvious. But it's something I've been thinking about a lot... and I've decided I'm okay with the risk. I just thought... I'd put it out there since you made yours clear."

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

There's almost like this audible spike in Leina's energy, good cheer as Kikka says she's excited, but she answers quickly, "Please do. Any time. Promise I'll never be upset about that."

However, as Kikka leans her head into her shoulder, Leina actually looks, momentarily surprised, but then, there's just such warmth in her seagreen eyes.

For someone like Kikka with so little relationship experience, such things are never quite as smooth as one would like - but perhaps it's just the perfect amount for her.

"If you're sure." She says softly, a hand brushing through Kikka's blonde hair, just lightly, just away from her face, like she's leading up to the moment.

She let's her talk, she doesn't act quite yet, doesn't try to cut her off. "My best and my happiest..." She echoes quietly, "... Well, I think - you've always been very good at bringing that side out of me, even when we were friends. I can't promise all the time, there's been a lot of sadness in my life. Sometimes I'm just the type of person who soaks in it... I think, I'm trying to work on that, little by little."

Leina just gently thumbs her cheek, "I won't put my happiness on you. It's not on you to make me happy. It's on me to show you that - I'm happy, because we're together, okay?" There's a smile at her.

Kikka however speaks upon her fear, and... Leina takes it seriously, there's a quick nod, "I think I can't promise I'll always come back or something like that. I wish I could promise that, but you deserve better than a promise I can't keep. What I can promise - is that I'll do everything in my power to try and come back, every time. That I am doing everything in my power right now to ensure I do come back."

There's a sheepish look on her face for a moment, but a warmth in her smile, "I have a lot of living I want to do..."

Leina leans in, her hand against her head, and Kikka can feel the warmth on her breath as she a touch huskily, "... there's a lot of living I want to do with you."

And assuming Kikka hasn't pulled away, Leina's lips press against hers, eyes closing. There's a softness, warm and wet - the faintest texture of gloss.

She frames Kikka's for several long seconds, osculating just lightly against them but eventually, she lifts her lips away, face staying in close, eyes opening.

"So what do you think?" There is only the lightest tease in her tone, as she asks, "Was that enough evidence?"

'Of how much I wanted to kiss you.'

The subject of what's bothering her can wait - after all, if she's not mistaken, this is Kikka's first kiss, and she isn't about to springboard off of that into that conversation.

She deserves time to live in the moment - they both do.

<Pose Tracker> Kikka Kobayashi has posed.

It's definitely a new experience, feeling this kind of affection from someone, as Leina brushes her hand through her hair... but it's also comfortable in a way, as she's just able to keep her entire attention on Leina.

When Leina says there's been a lot of sadness in her life, but she won't put her entire happiness on Kikka, she slowly nods in understanding. "I can accept that. I don't want you to feel like you have to be alone in your sadness... but I do want us to share in our happiness, too." She smiles again. "Because being with you makes me just as happy."

A promise she can't keep... it definitely wasn't something Kikka expected out of Leina when she brought it up. "That's the most I can ask for, really, so... I'm glad." She nods, when Leina says she'll do everything she can every time.

Despite the seriousness of the situation, that sheepish look on Leina's face really is cute, Kikka thinks, as she leans in closer. "Yeah... I feel the same way. I might not be risking my life the same way you are, but you know, I still couldn't be happier to have you in my life." She closes her eyes, too... taking in that sensation of warmth, and then something else, and...

Realizing after a few milliseconds that this must be the kiss Leina offered, Kikka leans in closer, putting her arms around Leina and reciprocating - not with the perfect grace of one of those kisses from a shoujo manga by any means, but perhaps a first kiss has its own charm. She slowly opens her eyes to eventually meet Leina's sea-green gaze, just speechless for a moment.

"It's the perfect amount of evidence, I assure you." Kikka affirmatively slightly shakes her head with a smile, even a slight laugh, recognizing the teasing tone from Leina. She's content to let the moment sit, gently holding Leina's hand, staring off into the artificial sky.

Turning to face Leina again, she sits a little more upright. "Well.. I think I've said just about everything I wanted to make clear. Did you have anything else on your mind?" She asks, just to be safe more than anything.

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

"I'm... I'm glad." Leina says, suddenly swept up in the emotion of realizing that it does make Kikka happy. It's a breath of fresh air after all she's felt lately.

Despite knowing she made the right choice, it's felt especially lonely, the sacrifices she's made for it.

But as Kikka tells her about the risk - part of her wonders, certainly it's riskier, but Kikka's path is certainly fraught with a lot of risk.

Part of her does worry, as journalism becomes more fraught a profession in this world...

... but for the moment she focuses on the happiness.

After the kiss, Leina's smile becomes just that much bigger at Kikka's response, grinning from ear to ear at her laugh.

She leans forward and for the moment the tip of her nose touches hers, "I have to warn you - you're making me want to show you again even more right now."

However, she doesn't, at least for the moment - because she does want to give Kikka that control, especially right now.

And Kikka wanted this conversation. She's not gonna try to distract away from the matter at hand, so as Kikka sits back up and faces her.

"Wish I could say that was the case but..." She stops, and closes her eyes, as if to demonstrate, raising a hand, not like the hand is important in sensing, but it's just- making a point, "... It's- so right now I feel like I have a decent read on your intentions, moreso than say, a stranger walking down the street, and it's because you're a Newtype, Kikka. You know this and you're- starting on your journey to figure out what that means."

She opens her eyes, but keeps her hand raised, "It's hard for me to articulate what it's like for me. For me it was a gradual process but then - when I truly awakened... it was quite harrowing? Traumatic?"

There's just this thin smile upon her lips, "I can tell you the details some other time. I wouldn't ever trade away being a Newtype, and most of the time the pros outweigh the cons for me - but there are some very real cons. Like - when we were kids, it wasn't just me trying to avoid big crowds and being anxious about them. I was anxious because if it gets bad my Newtype senses - affect my sense of reality. It's like hallucinating - but it's also real, my emotional perception of people becomes more real than what my eyes are seeing, or my ears are hearing."

She seems to be struggling to explain it, as if afraid that it'll be seen as if something about her is just broken. "Mom had to teach me mental exercises to - filter that out, but the fact is I just was never really good at them. It took years to get a better handle on this."

However, in a sense, going into more and more of herself is a deflection, so instead she tells her, "One thing we know definitively about Newtypes is that - being around each other can cause awakenings. Or bonds. It's an involuntary instinct, especially when we're particularly... sensitive, like me."

She decides to utilize that word rather than strong perhaps, in this moment but then she locks eyes with her, "And one thing we know about you Kikka is... that on the White Base, at A Baoa Qu, you were much more sensitive. My Mom remembers it - when Amuro was trapped, you and Letz and Katz could all hear him. Were in a conversation with him."

It's perhaps a bittersweet thing to evoke something Kikka was too young probably to ever remember, something she shared with a sibling that is now - no longer with them. "We don't know why you're less sensitive now. The fact is that it's twenty years later and - most research into Newtypes has been in weaponizing us. Not into our understanding of why such things just - happen." She sighs, "And maybe there isn't an answer, because we're all so different in how being a Newtype expresses itself."

Leina takes several moments to just, stare at her own hand, like it was an offending object, "I'm afraid that I could really mess up your life, if you abruptly became... more sensitive being around me. That's what I'm afraid, if that happened, then - something as simple as holding hands? It could bind us together forever in ways that like - people like to romanticize. Soulmates? That's not something I can - predict, or control. It'd just happen between us in an instant, and that'd be that."

Dropping her hand, she gives Kikka a sad look, "Like Banagher and me - like Mineva and me. Even right now I can feel them both. And I'll be feeling them for the rest of my life... and beyond that too."

As she let's the weight of that settle in, as it's a lot to dump on someone, to dump on someone you want to date.

"I'm telling you all this - and no matter how I think to discuss it, it's like - I can't give you real informed consent to the possibility that this could happen. How much it could change things. Change the direction of your life... and mine."

It takes a moment of serious deliberation, because in the end it's not really her place to tell her all the details, but in order to to - convey the seriousness she feels she has to.

"... I'm terrified that one day the bond between Banagher, Mineva, and me? That it could potentially cause something just as bad - if not worse than the Axis Shock. That's my worst fear."

<Pose Tracker> Kikka Kobayashi has posed.

Maybe if Kikka had a little more confidence, she would pull a reversal and show Leina how much she wants to kiss her... but it does feel like there's just a little more they need to talk about. So she straightens up and prepares to listen to Leina.

When Leina brings up intentions, Newtypes, Kikka at least has a vague awareness of where this might be going. She nods. "It wasn't the only reason I knew you were.. probably worried about something. But it might've helped?" She considers, tapping her cheek.

But Leina puts into perspective - just how traumatizing awakening as a Newtype really can be, and what it can do to a person's psyche. It retroactively fits, too, into the type of person she remembers Leina being growing up. And the ways it still affects her to this day. Kikka slowly nods in understanding, and some sympathy.

But Newtypes being around each other can cause an awakening or bonds... Kikka knew vaguely about this, but as far as she understood, she just didn't have anything like that with anyone, not even with her family. So what Leina says next is... surprising.

"Much more sensitive? Really? Sayla said that?" Kikka scrunches her eyebrow in confusion. "...Because of Amuro." She repeats, only accompanied the vaguest of flashbulb memories of A Baoa Qu, cheering and counting down. Being a more or less sensitive Newtype isn't necessarily a good or bad thing, but there's almost a sense of frustration at the lack of being able to pinpoint... why, and what happened.

She lets that specific point drop to interrogate later. But it makes Leina's own fears so much more clear to her. "I can't say I really... fully understand the extent of what a bond like that would feel like," Kikka agrees. "So I'm more than willing to take these concerns seriously." She nods, the sheer emphasis Leina puts on the weight of a bond like that felt - especially giving a serious look of consideration when she compares the strength of her bond with Mineva and Banagher to that of Axis Shock.

"I'm glad you told me about this. I think... even if we can't fully prevent the possibility of that kind of awakening, I want you to trust me." Kikka says, placing her hand softly on Leina's shoulder. "I want you to trust that I'll be all right... but also that it wouldn't be all your fault if it happened." She removes her hand, just trying her best to give Leina a reassuring look.

<Pose Tracker> Leina Ashta has posed.

An apologetic look is sent her way on how it might have helped, she understands it would have. It's just always fraught talking about these things.

"Yes. It's- I can do that thing? Have a conversation with a Newtype from afar. It usually takes a certain emotional context."

Leina gestures to her then back at herself, like a connection between them, "If I reached out to you from afar in a time of need - you'd probably hear it, but right now... It'd probably be one way."

It's not meant to downplay Kikka's abilities as a Newtype, just to try to articulate to her, "Sensing, receiving you could likely do now to some degree but not - projecting back? That requires a lot more sensitivity. If you did that at the time - it means, you were more sensitive to such things. It wasn't just, hitching off Amuro, even though he probably did facilitate it. More likely Amuro- by reaching out caused the three of you to awaken in that desperate circumstance?"

There's this speculative look, "I can't really know? I started - almost as soon as I left Shangri-La, but it took... a certain event for me to get there fully."

Indeed Leina does speculate why it might have happened, but she's not /completely/ certain, after all Katz didn't lose sensitivity over time, from what she was told.

She listens to Kikka talk about her comprehension of what she's been told, "Like - I can say your souls touch, and entwine. I can say it feels like they belong to me and me to them but, how do words really tell someone what that's like? Most people can't even feel that their soul exists, or have the senses to perceive the world in that way... until they do."
Even Leina herself feels like she can't even fully remember the experiences on another plane, when she's experiencing things purely through her soul.

Still, Kikka says she's relieved telling her she wants her to trust her, a hand upon her shoulder, and Leina takes a breath, as she rubs her eyes, "God, I."

Then she looks up, her hand dropping to her mouth, and eventually, she drops it, and nods once, then again, like she's just trying to take that in. "I do trust you. And- I know."

There's this wan smile, and a vulnerable look, "I'm categorically bad at making myself believe that sometimes - that it's not my fault, but... I know."

Then quieter...

"I do trust you. Thank you for, taking my concerns seriously. I'm sorry I didn't communicate them sooner - I was just... it felt too heavy to dump on someone after just - one date, but..."

But... it could also just happen-! After just one date. It happened to her in /less/ than one date.

She'd been trailing off and then just eventually asks, "While we're here talking then... can I hold your hand?" She tells her, like she's trying to show courage here, despite her fear, smiling at her, "I think, I'd very much like... to do that with you too."

It is perhaps her own desperate longing for that kind of intimacy again, but it's also her own way of telling her, 'I trust you.'