View source for 2024-08-06: ...what's good for the goosE

*'''Log:''' ...what's good for the goosE
*'''Cast:''' [[Character :: Yuliana Kafim]], [[Character :: Elisa Kafim]]
*'''Where:''' The Silent Castle, Kaffeklubben Island
*'''Date:''' 2024-08-07
*'''Summary''': ''Yuliana and Elisa feed the geese and hatch a plan. Elisa finds a new angle to improve her wife, and Yuliana, after days of tension, finally figures out a way to make her wife happy. (CW: Domestic abuse)''
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[[Category:Logs]]
[[Category:Phase 2, Turn 1]]
[[Category:Phase 2]]


 <Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
<poem>

        Yuliana was... so pleased to see her wife, that fateful sunny night at dinner. She'd cleaned herself up ''again,'' so she didn't rouse many questions from their family. Maksim asked where she'd gone, with all the oblivious insight of a child, but she just assured him that she wasn't feeling well today.

        And she was much better now.

        She's ''still'' clingy, but she's more well-behaved about it all, now. Even -- ''meek.'' Where she is downcast, she tries to swallow it back into her belly... and she dares not speak of Leina at all.

        Slowly, things start to feel closer to normal, again. She still feels fragile, but it can't be that she's ''walking'' on eggshells -- no, her feet must just be ''made'' from them. She still worries she's doing something wrong, something to bother her wife, but...

        It's crazy to think that. Elisa has been so ''generous,'' so considerate, so thoughtful... why would she still be mad?

        Yuliana knows it doesn't make any sense, but it frightens her, anyway.

        This morning, after breakfast, Yuliana's thrown on her bear-cloak and her gloves to go out into the courtyard with Elisa. (Always, with Elisa.) They have with them a bag of bird-seed, all the better to feed the green once-Brant geese waddling across the inner bailey.

        'HONK,' one of the Void geese starts a fight with Yuliana's right tentacle, and she vibrates its crest to create a hissing noise. The goose HONKS again, and pecks at that thing not quite like a snake. (It's okay. Her tentacles are beak-resistant.)

        Yuliana giggles, tossing out some seed at the same time as she pulls her tentacle back, to give the goose the impression of victory. "You're so fierce!" She praises the goose, as she pecks at the icy ground to gobble up the snack. "Who's our ferocious little lady?"

        The goose HONKs affirmatively, as a gander waddles up to pick a fight with ''her'' over her choice seed pile.

        Soon, the air is filled with a chorus of honks.

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
<poem>

Elisa is still on edge.

She has been able to internalize the problem for the most part, of course; she is able to provide affection now, to act 'normal', but there is a reason that Yuliana can still sense tension.  It exists.

...But not in the moment, too much.  Because the geese are here, and Elisa does enjoy them so.

Elisa smiles at the goose who is starting the fight.  "Careful," she instructs the goose.  "Be careful."

Not to Yuliana.  To the goose.  She likes the goose, but she will destroy a goose if it proves actually dangerous.

In the meantime, though, "Yes," Elisa agrees.  "Quite fierce.  ...I enjoy fierceness."

"And ferocity."  Elisa tosses some of the seed as well, to worsen the fight.  Of course.

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
<poem>

        That tension exists, and Yuliana is tense, too, wound tight with anxiety. She monitors all the things she does and says to avoid upsetting her wife further. Her feet are made of cracking eggshells, and every step feels painful and frightening -- never quite sure which one will be a step too far.

        She has involved Elisa in many activities like this, in the past few days. Playing with Sokrova, or with the children; feeding the goats and the geese. When Elisa is happy, some of that tension leeches away, and it's easier for it all to feel...

        Well, it's not like all this isn't normal, for them, anyway.

        'HONK!', the goose screams defiance at Elisa's advice, and keeps pecking. "It's all right," Yuliana assures her wife, squeezing her hand. "She isn't really hurting me."

        Luckily, the goose gets distracted by A NEW CHALLENGER, as that gander flaps his great wings -- and the tentacles hidden beneath writhe, too.

        "They are wonderful, aren't they?" Yuliana sighs, as the geese get into their geese-wrestling. "So full of life... you've always favoured animals like these, haven't you?"

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
<poem>

The more Yuliana hesitates, the more tension Elisa feels.  But that tension does ease, in these activities.  She enjoys the goats and the geese, and Sokrova of course.  And the children!

HONK.  "Hmm," Elisa says.  'It's all right.'  "Of course she isn't."

The two geese start to fight properly, and Elisa inclines her head.  "Yes," she says.  "They are, and I have.  Animals... They do not have to distract themselves with much.  They understand strength and weakness both."

"These are ''strong''.  Like a being should be."

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
<poem>

        And yet, the more that tension builds -- the more Yuliana hesitates.

        It's a vicious cycle.

        At least Yuliana can distract her wife with things like this, and she smiles, seeing her wife approve of Goose Combat. The Void gander might have interrupted quite bravely, but the top goose isn't about to give up her seed so easily, and she soon chases him away with her vicious beak and terrifying HONKs.

        When she returns, victorious, Yuliana pours out another pile of seed into the snow for her to gobble up. "Excellent work!" She praises the goose, as she assaults her meal.

        But... like a being ''should'' be...

        "I should be more like them, I suppose," she draws the lines to their conclusion, her lashes veiling over her eyes.

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
<poem>

Perhaps someone else might defuse it a different way.  But the goose and gander will continue to HONK, and when the goose chases him away, Elisa smiles.  "Good," Elisa says.  "Very good."

Yuliana draws the lines to their conclusion, and Elisa nods.  "Do you know why I dislike what these 'friends' wish for you?" Elisa asks.  "Why it is that I do not want you to simply get along better with the world, and so make it easier?"

"Because..."

"They are making you ''weak''," Elisa explains.  "They are taking from you decisiveness and strength."

"...Your ''power'', they wish to defuse."

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
<poem>

        "Mm...?" Yuliana hums, her attention turning fully to her wife, when she starts to ask those questions. She hums, to affirm she is listening, but she lets Elisa speak.

        (And she hears those quotation marks, around 'friends'.)

        Her eyes widen, when Elisa reaches her conclusion. It isn't just the horror of the revelation -- the first thing which twitches her lips down and knits her brow is how ''unfair'' the statement is. How -- how can she be decisive when ''Elisa'' --

        But she looks down, frill wilting, as she justifies her wife's logic. Elisa just gave her space after she showed how weak she was to Leina's manipulations... after all.

        "I..." She can't say that she's sorry; that will only make it worse. "... I feel... very weak right now. It must be difficult for you. I'm trying, Elya... really, I'm trying."

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
<poem>

Elisa means both of those quotation marks quite hard, so it's good that Yuliana hears them.

But now--hmm.  Unfair... Perhaps it is so.  Elisa considers that, for a moment.

"But it would not be fair of me," she decides, "To condemn such weakness without giving you the opportunity for strength. How can I support you, my darling?"

"I believe that you are trying.  And so I shall assist you.  As surely as they tear you down, I will build you up.  You need only name what you require, to be strong again."

"And if you cannot name it, we shall discover it together."

"...I love you.  I wish the best of and for you.  So allow me to help, my darling."

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
<poem>

        (Stop scaring me.)

        But that's a thought Yuliana can't even suffer herself to think; she sights the edges of it, and forces it away, looking just a shade queasy as she does. Elisa ''loves'' her, after all; she's never done her any real harm. Elisa just wants... she just wants...

        It's such a small thing. How wretched a woman would Yuliana be, not to offer it to her?

        "Well," Yuliana says, and thinks again of how often she overused the word, as it hangs in the air to cover the way her thoughts load in. "These geese are a fine example, aren't they? If I could just exploit the chaos in their hearts..." She pauses, fear clutching her heart, again, for a moment. Can she mention her? ''Should'' she mention her?

        "You know," she decides to try it, "one of them attacked Leyasha when she came to visit us, that time. I was just thinking -- it would really serve her right if she had to deal with them ''again,'' after all the trouble she's brought us." Because clearly Leina is troubling ''both of them,'' even if Yuliana's calling her by her nickname again. She smiles, as if it's a funny joke. "Wouldn't that be funny, Elya? Have her watch Rena chased down the street by a goose only to know it's what she wrought?"

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
<poem>

It's just as well.  It's not a thought Elisa could really understand.

But it is a small thing.  The geese.  Hmmm.  "They are," Elisa agrees.  "And you could.  That would be well."

A pause--and Elisa smiles, despite the use of the nickname.  "I remember," she says. "Her and the man she was with."

A pause.  "...Yes, it would.  This would please me," Elisa says. "And I could give you the tools to do so."

"It would be ''very'' funny," she agrees.  She considers further for a moment before, "This is the kind of thing that would help you exercise your Strength again, I think."

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
<poem>

        Yuliana sighs, unable to hide her ''relief'' when she hears that her petty vengeance would make Elisa ''happy.'' She sinks her weight into her wife, beside her, reaching up to curl her fingers around Elisa's arm. "I just want you to be happy," she admits, though it's too painful to admit just ''why.'' The reason she invents, instead, is: "You're my darling wife, my ''zhenushka...'' so of course I wish to make you smile again."

        She glances, aside, to the geese. "Besides... it could be very fun," she says, grows more convinced of it as she watches the goose's antics. "I've been frustrated, too... I really can't be expected to hold my temper this much." She's been holding herself in check to avoid saying the wrong thing to her ''wife,'' but --

        No, surely she was ''more'' stifled not being able to lash out at people like Leina and Sayaka.

        "But you will make sure our lovely little geese aren't ''hurt,'' won't you, Elya?" Yuliana asks, and it's the ''geese'' she's worried about, rather than the geese's victims.

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
<poem>

Elisa strokes Yuliana's arm as Yuliana curls fingers around the other.  She wants her to be happy, she says, and she does not say ''why'', but, "...Of course," Elisa says.  She catches that.

But the goose!  "It would," Elisa agrees.  "And you can't.  Why, you have barely shown your feelings of late."

Yuliana asks.  Of course the geese.  "Oh, certainly.  I have just the thing in mind, actually.  I will grow them; when they return to their natural forms, it will be as if nothing had happened to them at all."

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
<poem>

        Yuliana hums, more pleasingly content than she's been for a while, when she feels Elisa's fingertips on her arm. She has been desperate for affection, ever since -- it happened.

        "I'm just... sensitive," Yuliana settles on, after a moment, cheek resting against her wife's shoulder. "Mama said I had to make peace in my heart, so... I didn't want to..." upset you, she can't quite manage to say.

        She smiles, though, when Elisa offers her assurances about the geese. "Good," she says, sinking into her wife. "... good. So long as they can have fun without facing consequences ''themselves''... I don't see any problem with using them for a spot of vengeance, do you?"

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Elisa Kafim has posed.
<poem>

Desperate for affection indeed.  Elisa has noticed, and now, she is wiling to give it--particularly when Yuliana mentions how sensitive she has been...

"Well," Elisa says, "You are welcome to break peace," she says.  "I prefer you strong.  If that frustrates me at times... It is better than the alternative.  Better strength than weakness."

She smiles back, and hugs Yuliana closer.  "They can.  It will be well."

"...It will be a delight."

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Yuliana Kafim has posed.
<poem>

        Elisa has spoken on learning to value weakness before -- but here, she clearly lays out her priorities. She might accept weakness from humanity, but she wants ''Yuliana'' to be strong. (Strong in... one particular way.) "I will try to be stronger for you," she says, smiling, to her wife. "So please support me, ''zhenushka.''" ... please be ''nice'' to her. She doesn't have to be kind, but... she can be nice.

        She puts out of her mind -- forcefully -- the lingering doubts Leina's spent so much effort seeding, that Elisa is rewarding the behaviour she enjoys and punishing what she disfavours. It's a distressing thought, and with her wife holding her close, she only wants to focus on ''Elisa.''

        On her wife who loves her.

        (Her wife, who hates the weakness she herself inspired.)

        But there are always so many contradictions -- so many different rules to keep track of -- when what matters is that Elisa looks forward to her delight. Yuliana hums, happily, nosing her face in under Elisa's chin. Even with how chilly it is out here... her heart is still warm, receiving her affection again.

        "All will be well," she murmurs, in echo.
</poem>