View source for 2023-05-14: Harsh Lights and Harsh Words

{{Log
|cast=Koji Kabuto, Sayaka Yumi, Sayla Mass
|location=Fujinomiya City - Boss Ramen
|summary=Koji organises a meeting with Sayla so she can tell Sayaka the secret Koji uncomfortably knows. The scions of the Photon Power Lab try to reach out to her, but the years of neglect have left Sayla's wounds bitterly infected.
}}
{{PhaseAndTurn
|phase=1
|turn=3
}}
 <Pose Tracker> Koji Kabuto has posed.
<poem>
Many things have been eating at Koji Kabuto lately.

Of note today: A secret he knows that isn't his to know or share, that has torn apart a family close to his own.

So a couple days ago, he broke radio silence.

[VERTEX] MazinDr.Z - Hey Sayla. How are you holding up?

[VERTEX] MazinDr.Z - ... We have a lot to talk about, huh? About Char, and... related stuff, I guess.
[VERTEX] MazinDr.Z - You've probably been dreading this, and I'm sorry I'm bringing that on, but I'd like to hear about it from you.
[VERTEX] MazinDr.Z - And I haven't told Sayaka, so...
[VERTEX] MazinDr.Z - Let's at least get a good meal in while we're at it. Boss Ramen?

And so:

Koji has brought Sayaka and has picked out a booth in the back - somewhere discreet where they're unlikely to be overheard against the bustle of the restaurant and Boss and his friends keeping the customers occupied. He's dressed casually in his usual long-sleeve white tee and jeans. Three House Specials have been ordered - they should be served in time.

When Sayla comes in, Koji offers her a smile, even though he looks otherwise serious. "Thanks for coming, Sayla. Boss'll be round with the orders in a moment."

Almost on cue, the big guy comes up to their booth table. "Three House Specials! And something extra-special for you, Doctor Mass." He beams at Sayla, reassuringly.

He's added her favourite extra ingredient. Or Nuke did, that would also make sense.

As Sayla sits down, Koji pushes down his own trepidation about this conversation - after all, he doesn't know how Sayaka will take these coming revelations - he only told her Sayla has something she needs to share with them and he's not comfortable telling her secrets on her behalf.

So he remains silent, letting Sayla control the rest of this.
</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
<poem>
Sayaka hadn't really been involved in the Char Aznable return, aside from cleaning up the aftermath. She did know there was something up between Leina and Sayla... but not exactly the details.

Well, it seems like she's going to find out. Koji seemed pretty apprehensive, which is a little worrying. But any major revelation is better with ramen. Especially under the roof of Boss Ramen.

Remaining open-minded, Sayaka regards Sayla with a smile as she arrives, while also tastefully enjoying the first few bites. "Hello Sayla! It's really good to see you. Been.. a while, hasn't it?" And then she waits for what's to come. Despite the warm, friendly atmosphere Boss tries to hard to put on... the tension is palpable.
<poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
</poem>

        The message stays on read for a long few minutes. Then, finally the three telltale dots appear.

[VERTEX] Sayla.Mass - Sure.
[VERTEX] Sayla.Mass: Boss' place it is.

        When she arrives, Sayla is doing her best to not look like shit and, in so doing, reveals she feels like shit. She's wearing black sunglasses with one of her standard looks of a brown coat, vest and turtleneck. She slips in via the back entrance, ducking past the kitchen to the booth, and sliding in. No wonder Boss was right on time. "Koji. Sayaka. I see you're both doing better." The tiredness is obvious in her voice.

        She does know, at least, Boss's place is hard to bug, and even harder to listen in on with the boisterous gentle giant that runs the place. She sees the extra fish cakes, and smiles a little. "You're a class act, Boss." She looks to the others. "Sake for the table?" She asks in a way that isn't really a question. At least if it's for the table she can pretend.

        Sayla then... goes for her Ramen. She's stalling, and she knows she's stalling. But every time she does this it gets harder and more painful. "What do I owe you for the Hi-Nu's repairs? Between Char and the Shamblo, it took a real beating."
</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Koji Kabuto has posed.
<poem>
"'Better', huh?" He offers Sayla a wry smile. In a way, she's not wrong.

A thought strikes him, and there's a look of not-quite-recognition in his eyes at the sight of Sayla wearing sunglasses. He comments on this with a quiet little "huh".

"... Have you slept?" He replies to her.

His smile thins a little when Sayla asks for sake for the table... But they might need it, so he nods to Boss. He'll keep an eye on it.

He takes a mouthful of his own ramen - extra kimchi in his - as Sayla starts on hers. An easy question o break the tension... It's stalling, but it's useful.

"It's... Nothing worse than we've repaired before. Remember what the Mycenaeans did to us when they first showed up and it took a ''year'' to get Z and Diana A operational again?" He shrugs. "We can settle up later if it's bothering you that much... honestly the cockpit was the roughest part to replace."

''That'' works as an opportunity. After all - the Hi-Nu's cockpit was missing for a reason.
</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
<poem>
"I try to look my best," Sayaka offers, with a smile. She's not quite fancy-dressed; you don't need to be at Boss Ramen.

Even for all her walls, Sayaka knows what type of expression and mannerism means for Sayla. Sake for the table, huh...

"The Photon Hi-Nu will be fine," Sayaka adds, to Koji's assessment. "What I'm worried about, honestly, is you." The state of the cockpit is relevant to that...

"Our assessment showed damage reminiscent not just of cockpit shots - but of enough force to ''pry it out''." She points out. She's close to getting a picture of what happened... but there's a lack of context yet still. "You ''look'' fine but I know that doesn't always tell the full story." Another bite of that tasty Boss Ramen. "Can never be too careful against Triple Zero I guess... especially not someone like Char."
</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
<poem>

        Sayla does not remove her sunglasses. "Some." She replies, unhelpfully. Sayla taps her fingers on the table. Leina said Koji knew... "...You haven't told Sayaka yet, have you?"

        Waiting for a response, she slurps up her noodles with a terrifying dignity, spilling not a drop. This is an intense moment. "...Guy was there at the Rescue, they said I had no lingering Triple Zero particles despite the amount Char used to keep me alive after taking me, and 3G confirmed it."

        The tapping increases and increases. "Good. I'll need it for the next time he turns up. Even if the planning is someone else's job."

        Another long, mirthless slurp.

        "He's my brother Sayaka. That's why this all happened. And he came back the same way Amuro did."
</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Koji Kabuto has posed.
<poem>
"It's not my secret to tell, and it's been bothering me ever since." He shakes his head. "I don't fault Akane for providing the information, but..." He shrugs. "Complicated feelings."

"... So corruption isn't inevitable from exposure. I suppose that makes sense, ChoRyuJinn didn't wake up omnicidal after his exposure to The Power. There must be..." He falls silent, filing this away for future metaphorical chewing. "... I'm glad he didn't turn you, Sayla."

And then Sayla says it, and he turns to Sayaka. "You remember, of course, the broadcast at Dakar near the climax of the Gryps conflict, when 'Quattro' declared himself as Char Aznable and as Casval rem Deikun."

He lets that clarification sit for a bit, then caps it off with: "''Yeah.''"
</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
<poem>
'You haven't told Sayaka yet, have you?' Sayaka's gaze hits Sayla's, and then Koji's. She doesn't fault Koji for withholding information - she'd prefer to hear the truth from Sayla herself.

"...That's a relief," she nods, at Sayla's lack of exposure to Triple Zero. "If we had to fight ''you'' too, then... I don't know." She shakes her head. "Honestly, I was worried when we hadn't spoken in a while, that it was that."

The bombshell is dropped. "Your... brother?" She can see the resemblance, she supposes but it's not like blonde-hair blue-eyed people are rare. "Ah."

She's quickly able to further connect the dots when Koji adds that important bit of context. Sayaka doesn't say anything at first, picking at that ramen, and taking a sip of that sake. "...That's a heavy burden to carry, Sayla." She doesn't call her Artesia.

"How many people, knew, before Char returned?" She asks, slowly and carefully. Sayla has her reasons, for sure, but how do you even ''keep'' a secret for this long?
</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
<poem>

        "She made the call. I don't blame her for it." It's not the one she would have made. She's very slow to respond next. "I was in a coma for around two weeks to heal. He was careful." She is quiet again.

        "Before he came back... about ten? And I'd only told two people. So had he, I think." She lifts up a fish cake with her chopsticks  and takes a bite.

        "The remaining six or so found out from overhearing or..." She pauses to finish the fish cake. "...however the fuck Alexis learns anything." Sayla is tense, even here. As Koji talks about Dakar... "And now there's... everyone Akane told, everyone they told." A mournful swirling of ramen, a halfhearted poking of an egg.

        "That poor girl isn't going to get to stay buried, soon. And the people who died to keep her safe won't get to rest easy. And neither will I. And now Leina's caught up in this..."

        She pushes the half eaten bowl away, and slumps back in her seat. "I saw her a few days ago. She's doing badly... and in 7 days we finally talk about it again." She shakes her head. "I wish he'd stayed dead."

        Sayla Mass is a very good liar. That one she almost believes herself- but for others... it might be unusually easy to spot.
</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Koji Kabuto has posed.
<poem>
Koji thinks for a moment. "At least you survived the secret catching up to you. Grandfather only ever told one person what happened on Bardos. If Shiro and I hadn't gone to check on him... Nobody would have been there for him at the end."

He sighs. "I get it, though, I think. Once you've kept a secret like that for so long, the idea of it being discovered becomes its own fear, huh? On top of the consequences of the truth."

"... There's something positive to come of it, though: Nobody Akane told decided not to help. I think... the fallout might be ''less'' bad than you're afraid of."

Leina, though... "This isn't like her," he says, quietly. "It's like... it feels worse than back before she and Shiro. I expected her to be mad at you, but not 'leave her own home' mad, not after Judau and Roux just moved in."

He squints at Sayla at the last thing she says. "''Do'' you?"
</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
<poem>
Sayaka doesn't know Akane, not beyond the information the Photon Power Labs and Gutsy Global Guard share. She's an operator there, now, she heard. And she made quite the judgement call.

"Not to mention, the consequences get heavier and heavier." Sayaka adds grimly. "For each year you kept it a secret, it must have taken a weightier toll on you." She frowns. The anticipation of it must have been really bad, too.

Sayaka's quick to agree when Koji points out the positives, though. "It means you're not alone in that knowledge anymore." She nods. "We've been friends for, god, how many years, Sayla? Doesn't change a thing of how I think of you. You've done so much for us, of course we're going to return the favour."

Leina... "She's... not even Banagher or Mineva understand what's wrong, I don't think. Aside from the most obvious." She takes a slurp of that ramen. "I really hope all it is, is needing some time."

"Whether you wish or not... he's back. Something's going to have to be done about him." Sayaka shakes her head. "I know you're going to want to fight him. It's not up to us to intervene. But nothing so reckless again.. Please, Sayla."
</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
<poem>

        Koji and Sayaka both attempt to cheer Sayla up,and the glare can be felt from behind her sunglasses. "Think about it, for one second. Think about what the world knowing who I am means. Not just for me, but for Leina." A justification Leina had skewered. "The world knows she's my ward since Dublin- something that Dr Hell's presence dulled."

        She glares directly at Koji. "Tell me. What if Char had killed Sayaka?" Her eyes shift to Sayaka. "Or Koji?"

        It's a bad time for Mucha to be walking past with the Sake, as Sayla grabs the bottle of the tray with casual exhausted anger. "If Char had taken away the most important person to you, and then disappeared from the world. What would you do if you found out his sister was still alive, living some charmed socialite life?

        What would you do to her daughter," she swigs from the Sake bottle. Clearly sharing is off the table now, "some lucky colony brat who is still alive while your family is dead? That's not even counting some desperate Munzo loyalist wanting to push for independence again, or someone unhappy working under Frontal or the Princess?"

        "This isn't about twenty of my friends in a room. It's about the hundreds of survivors Char left behind. It's about the millions killed by the Zabis, it's about those who resent my father and Heero Yuy starting the push for colonial independence and have held a grudge for 40 years."

        Her words have been hissed, to not be heard, but there's so much rolling anger there. Right until Koji mentions Leina. "I expected her to be angrier," her voice shakes. "I expected her to tear into me not... try and take care of me." She already had an imagined idea of how it would go when Leina found out.

        She falls completely silent at 'Do you?'. She takes a long breath in through her nose. "Does it matter what I want, Koji? If 3G purify him, they're going to have to hand him to the federation and we go through a show execution and I spend the rest of my life under house arrest the way we were in Cheyenne. If Domon does it I have to make the decision of whether I put the bullet in myself. And the amount of force we'd have to bear to actually KILL him... You know what it was like fighting Amuro, Sayaka, and he was trying to be gentle. The Sazabi tore through everything we had at once." She shakes her head.

        "I don't have another chance to make her plan, the next time he shows his face has to be the last one. Otherwise we don't have a shot."

        She slams the warm Sake bottle on the table, and pulls her shaking hand away, staring at it. "So yes, Koji. I do wish he'd stayed dead."

        And once again, Sayla repeats a weak lie.
</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Koji Kabuto has posed.
<poem>
Sayla lets everything out - all her fears and anxieties about her secret being dragged out into the daylight, and Koji... lets her vent, though he folds his arms patiently. There's a frown when Sayla swigs from the entire bottle, and when she slams it down he takes it and... gently slides it just out of her reach.

"You could have talked to us," he points out. "We've been on the receiving end of that kind of obsessive vengeance, remember? It wasn't just that the Photon Power Labs were the only people who knew the threat Doctor Hell posed, it was that there were still ''Kabutos'' opposing him. Iron Cross troops invading our home, multiple times. Ashura mind-controlling Morimori, Nossori and Sewasshi. The android duplicate of mom. There were ''so many'' schemes."

"Even accounting for all of that - to not tell even ''Leina''? If ''anyone'' deserved to know what she was getting into - " He shakes his head. "... I guess you've never really trusted anyone, huh? ... Or. Left in a situation where you ''couldn't'' trust anyone. Even when - I mean, Amuro knew, right? And it didn't make things any easier between you."

"All those things - I ''did'' think of them. I'm thinking about nothing ''but'' consequences lately, seems like. I'm just..." He sighs. "I can't imagine what it's like, not being able to share or talk about that with anyone? But what if it ''had'' caught up with you like Grandfather's secret did him - you assassinated for something you were never involved in, the ''mess'' that would leave the rest of us in trying to figure out why this happened to someone who manages one of the best charitable institutions on Earth? And then it finally comes out and we have to deal with it as ''fallout'' while ''grieving you''?" He shakes his head.

"The thing I regret ''most of all'' is that I'll never really understand why Father disappeared - I just have to - live with the things he did to make sure the Mycenaeans were destroyed, that that's now part of the Kabuto legacy and that's what I'm living in the name of every day I go to work."

"So please don't talk to me like I don't get it, Sayla. If there's anything I don't get... It's the idea that never seeing a family member again could be something to ''want''. Even if it's just to take them to task for everything."
</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
<poem>
Sayaka takes in Sayla's words, she thinks on them hard. To an extent she can understand her fears, and worries, and yet...

She comes to a conclusion. "I can't agree with that, Sayla. You're completely right. This isn't about twenty friends in a room. The stakes are huge, and the risk bigger." She outlines. "But the moment you let people into your life, the stakes grew beyond just yourself. That's what you put up all the walls for, wasn't it? It's what all the distance was for..."

"I'm not about to chastise you, or act like ''we'' deserved to know from the start - even if we would've done everything in your power to help you like Koji said.

"Leina.. probably deserved to know, even if you had her best intentions in mind. But the truth is out... what matters is how you're going to make things right with her." That's really the whole sentiment, isn't it.. "What I was trying to tell you, Sayla, is that you don't need to deal with the fallout alone, at least. We're not any less willing to help you years later. And it might be a much larger-scale problem with Char on the loose again. But ultimately, the goal has to be to convince the world you're not Char, nor the face of Zeon. You're the head of the Yumi Foundation, Doctor Sayla Mass. Just as Koji isn't his father.. and I'm not PM Gennosuke Yumi."
</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
<poem>

        Sayla's anger isn't going anywhere right now. As Koji tries to explain that obsessive vengeance...

        "This is different, Koji." She takes off her sunglasses and looks him dead in the eye. "This isn't one man's revenge. This is any random person on the street taking their shot at Leina with a fifty dollar handgun and a Refrain low. This is someone at her school smuggling a knife in an stabbing her during lunch. This isn't about schemes. It's about what someone could do on impulse!"

        She looks dead at him. "Leina can't control how she bonds. How strongly, with whom. Not the way I can. If I had told her when she was a child, all she needed was to run into the wrong newtype or cyber-newtype by accident..." Her hand on the table is shaking.

        "If that had happened, Kai would have told you. Told the fucking world with his scoop of the century." It's unkind to him, but unkindness seems to be all she has right now. "Ten people knew, Koji. I told two. In my entire life." Any newtype here could feel the pain rolling off Sayla as her walls collapse again. The despair and anger and hopelessness.

        It's a good thing there are no other newtypes at Boss Ramen today, isn't it?

        "You talking about 'the Kabuto legacy'... that's not what this is about. It isn't about a legacy. It's about Leina getting pulled into the life of another little girl who should have stayed dead." There is so much venom now, and Sayla can't stop herself. All of it boiling over.

        "The PPL can't even convince the world it's on the level for energy production. There's no way I can change the minds of those who lost their families in the Axis Shock that I'm not my brother's sister!" Her voice is a hiss, all of it flowing through her at Sayaka and Koji. The scars on her heart were never scars.

        They were infected wounds, simmering with poison- and now it's spilling over those who happened to be there when they burst.
</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Koji Kabuto has posed.
<poem>
Koji's trying his best, but by the way his fist is clenching on the table, Sayla's vitriol is starting to get under his skin, especially when she says 'Leina can't control how she bonds' - "Sayla, for god's sake - you can't pretend you didn't tell Leina because of ''her'' own abilities. That's not fair to her - it's just an excuse to not trust her to do the right thing even if that ''did'' happen. Obviously telling her right away wouldn't have worked, but - I don't know - when she and Shiro started dating, maybe? When it became clear that she was at the kind of age where connecting with people who'd have a reason to go after you might become an actual risk, so you and she could agree on how to handle it?"

"Even with the number of people who already knew, you've still been trying to handle this all by yourself. I get it - the more people you tell, the greater the risk to operational security - but - mrggh. This isn't an ''operation'', it's ''life''."

"... That's what a legacy ''is'', though - dealing with what's been left behind by the dead." He frowns. "Everything that you went through - it might be history, but it's still ''important'' and you're just... trying to make it go away in the face of all the evidence otherwise."

"... You're right that we can't make headway on our better world, but, we have to keep trying, that's what's important. That's why we're even having this conversation - so that we can keep going."
</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
<poem>
Sayaka sees that when Sayla gets angry, she sees the whole world in a less charitable light. The unwillingness to trust her own ward, the poison in her words... it's hard to bear.

"You were trying to be her guardian by guarding her from ever discovering that part of your life." Sayaka says. "But Leina wants to be a part of your life, Sayla. I think that's why she felt so betrayed."

"Again, I won't chastise you. What's done is done. But this is your chance, Sayla. To ''truly'' move forward." She points out. "You can't pretend the girl you were is dead... when she still clearly holds pain for you. Same goes for Char." The ramen bowl is nearly empty. "So it's a good thing you know longer have to be alone for it."

Mirroring Koji's sentiment, she adds, "Change is a slow and ugly process. But don't act like it's impossible. What we do from here is what will determine if that change is good or bad. Let's make it a good one, shall we?"
</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Sayla Mass has posed.
<poem>

        "It isn't about what's fair, Koji." Sayla says, her voice cold as ice.

If not that, then what? Sayla doesn't have anymore to say. "You really don't understand what those bonds are like. You can't hide anything. You don't have secrets. You see a side of a human being that not even you and Sayaka could see of each other. Those bonds are why the Axis Shock happened at all. All because of Amuro and Char met the same woman at the wrong time."

        Her voice lowers even more. "'All those people'?" It seems to rankle her. "So many people died to keep my identity safe, Koji. To be able to exist as Sayla Mass at all. After everything Leina went through under Glemy, she didn't need people coming looking for her as the grandaughter of Zeon." After the words are out it's clear immediately that Sayla regrets saying them- but that she also thinks she can't walk them back.

        It's Sayaka, though, that drives in the final knife. "My life is ''not'' Artesia's. That girl died when her parents did. When she saw their burnt corpses, and the bullet wounds they tried to hide. When she was abandoned. That girl deserved to stay buried, and Leina didn't deserve that blood in her life." She stands up, her own bowl of ramen half full, and puts her sunglasses back on.

        They're the same type 'he' always wore, too.

        "Thanks for the meal." She says, in a way that could freeze a person's soul. Maybe even her own.

        Unless stopped, she will pick up her bag, and walk to the bar of Boss Ramen, place a one hundred gilla note on it-

        And then move straight for the door.

        Sometimes, all those invisible walls she puts serve to deafen her. With her eyes closed she doesn't realize that anyone can look in."
</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Koji Kabuto has posed.
<poem>
"Sayla - " Koji stands from the booth as Sayla gets up, but he doesn't reach out to grab her and stop her leaving.

She has the right to walk away from them, after all.

"... If you need us for anything," he says, even though part of him expects this to be futile, "don't hesitate to get in touch."

"Please."

God, those ''are'' the same sunglasses, huh? The similarity is again not lost on Koji as Sayla leaves.

He sits back down in the booth and folds his arms in front of him. "... I didn't expect this to go well, but still... damn it." He rests his forehead head on his crossed forearms, staring at the wood-grain of the tabletop.

Boss circles around to the table, frowning. "You want me to go find her?" Without looking up, Koji replies "If you think you can say something to her, Boss - she's hurting, that's all I can tell."

Boss reaches over to clap the other man on the shoulder. "I'll do my best, Koji."
</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Sayaka Yumi has posed.
<poem>
"Take care, Sayla," Sayaka sends her off solemnly. "Everything I've offered you tonight? It stands. Always."

Sayaka then looks down into her empty bowl of ramen. "It's.. still hard to process, Koji." The meeting was supposed to be to let ''her'' know, but.. "It's not her, it's just.. there's so much baggage there."

If anyone can help with that type of baggage, though, it's the man himself. "...There's a reason you chose to meet up at Boss Ramen, wasn't there?" She gazes out the back door as Boss leaves. "Good luck, Boss."
</poem>