View source for 2023-01-23: Cleared Air

*'''Log: 2023-01-23- Cleared Air'''
*'''Cast:''' [[Character :: Akane Shinjo]], [[Character :: Kaworu Nagisa]], [[Character :: Alexis Kerib]]
*'''Where:''' GGG Orbit Base
*'''OOC - IC Date:''' 0097-01-23
*'''Summary''': ''Akane invites Kaworu to talk to her and clear the air about some misunderstandings between them, as well as unpack what's transpired.''

----


 <Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
<poem>
The first day Akane spent at Orbit Base was spent sleeping, eating, and... kissing, for the most part. She ''has'' had a few conversations in greater detail besides the one that involved kissing -- mostly with people already on base. She's starting to get used to it here, though, even if she's so exhausted from her ordeal that she does a lot of sleeping and she's gradually getting used to putting the call button to use.

The base staff have graciously provided a tablet that they know for sure isn't monitored until someone can get back to Akane's place and get her actual phone(s). Now that she's a little more alert and oriented, she ''has'' taken a couple visitors... and there are a few people she wants to see, on top of that.

Kaworu ranks highly among those people, so Akane's put a VERTEX message out. (It's the most identifiable one -- she has her password and can safely log in. Most of her pictures and stickers are stored in the cloud, too!) It's an easy request -- and one that follows directly from her last VERTEX message, now almost two months ago.

&gt; It's later
</poem>

 <Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
<poem>
        Kaworu honestly hadn't anticipating receiving communication from Akane. He helped Rikka pull her from her downward spiral, and in doing so helped everyone save both Akane and Tsutsujidai, and that was enough for him.
        
        Now that Tsutsujidai has been fixed into the 'real' world, Kaworu had planned on tying up a few loose ends at Orbit Base, rallying and gathering the Evangelion pilots, then returning to NERV Headquarters in Tokyo-3 with them.
        
        And that's still the plan. But then he gets a VERTEX message.
        
        Kaworu considers it. It is, indeed, later. He isn't sure what it is that Akane wants to discuss with him, but... he doesn't have any intent of ignoring her. So:
        
        &gt; It is. Would you prefer to talk over VERTEX, in person, or some other way?

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
<poem>
Akane stretches out a little on her bed, eating an omelette with ketchup. It's a nice sensation. She tears open one of the salt packets she's been provided, sprinkling it on before going back to texting.

&gt; I'm at GGG Orbit Base
&gt; You PROBABLY have clearance for that? idk
&gt; I do wanna see you though

It's back to the omurice after that. Part of her already wants to cook something for herself, eating it -- and gosh, when did she get so hungry? -- but it's fine to be cared for, too... probably.

With a little sigh, she fixes her lip gloss and catches a look at her hair in the mirror. ... it could be a little springier. She should probably get a shower at some point...

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
<poem>
        Kaworu smiles a little--well, smiles a little more than usual--at Akane's response. She wants to see him, hm... Has she changed her mind on how she feels about kaiju who are too much like humans? Regardless, he messages back:
        
&gt; I'll be there to see you shortly.
        
        What Akane thinks Kaworu means by 'shortly' may be in question. She probably isn't anticipating a knock on the door to her room five minutes later and Kaworu being on the other side, hands tucked in the pockets of his administrator uniform, which is like a regular suit save for the winged gold star insignia on his left breast declaring that he is K. NAGISA (and, by way of the emblem itself, that he has a command rank) and the scarf-like nature of his purple tie. It has a single green stripe.
        
        "Hey," he says with his usual affability. If it took Akane a minute to actually answer the door, he's just as affable as if she'd answered it immediately. Kaworu is as patient as ever. "May I come in? Or would you rather talk somewhere else?"

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
<poem>
Akane is definitely not expecting Kaworu to be there so fast that she's not even done with her omurice. "J-just a second!" she calls, at the knock on the door. After she opens it and Kaworu greets her, she says, "Uh -- sure, come in." It's a medical room. She's not being IVed or anything -- it's just the easiest place to put someone on Orbit Base when they also need a fair amount of regular testing and monitoring.

(It also makes it easier to insist she's being handled at least a little bit like a science criminal if G-Hound asks, probably.)

"... I dunno whether to start with 'thank you' or 'I'm sorry,'" Akane starts, with a bit of an embarrassed-looking grimace. "I kinda owe you both of them. You remembered the X4 opening... you really didn't have to do that."

After a pause just a little too long, she admits, "But it helped. Without you and Sheryl and Rikka... I think I would've fallen a lot deeper a lot faster." Obviously Kaworu doesn't know what her experience inside the kaiju was, but... it's not hard to infer from the context.

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
<poem>
        At Akane's invitation, Kaworu strolls inside. He looks to one side at her plate, where she has clearly been eating; he doesn't comment on it, but he does make a note of it.
        
        He looks back at her when she speaks. "I wanted to," he says simply, during that pause--perhaps making the pause longer. Still, when she continues, he listens, and when she finishes, his eyes and smile both soften. "Rikka asked for my assistance, and I gave it, that's all. You don't need to worry about owing me anything." His demeanor makes it clear he appreciates it all the same, though.
        
        "How are you now?" he adds. "I understand you've spent a lot of time sleeping and recuperating since yesterday, but how do you feel?"
        
        Not just physically, but emotionally, he means. That's probably clear, too.

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
<poem>
"... To be honest, it's a little overwhelming... I can usually keep it together with someone else in the room," a pause, "or... maybe not, but... a lot of the time it's just... laughing, or crying, or... feeling like I'm gonna wake up and be back in my room alone again." Rubbing at the back of her head, Akane concedes, "I... don't know if I'm ready for this, or if I deserve it."

Slowly, Akane heads back to the bed, taking a seat. There's a chair, or more space on the bed, if Kaworu wants to sit too. "Kinda scared, too... when I was talking with Sayla I realized Alexis is probably gonna want a piece of me. Maybe BioNet, too. I'm not just someone's mess, I'm someone's -- ''runaway experiment'' now."

Akane appends, "I thought... people were going to hate me a lot more." She sounds almost -- ashamed, or confused, that they don't.

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
<poem>
        Kaworu's smile keeps its warmth as Akane admits that, in essence, she's had a sudden return of emotional functionality. She may not be ready, but it seems she's managed to escape her downward spiral at last. He's glad.
        
        When she sits on the bed, he chooses the chair for himself, legs crossing and hands remaining in his pockets. Runaway experiment... "Does that mean you've decided to turn away from Alexis?" he wonders. It would seem clear, based on context, but this is something that needs confirmation, all considered.
        
        His gaze remains steady at her confusion, maybe shame, at not being hated--at least not as much as she probably thinks she deserves. "Lilim possess infinite potential. For hatred, for vengeance... for love, and for acceptance. So often they'll do exactly as you expect--and just as often, they'll completely surprise you."
        
        A beat. "I'm glad it was a good surprise this time. Are you?"

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
<poem>
Akane looks embarrassed at the question, but nods. "I always kind of knew he was bad for me, but I was so afraid I'd lose everything... and I didn't think you guys would go to bat for me once I stopped being a problem." She looks up for a few seconds, rather than straight at Kaworu. "A lot of stuff became really obvious when he... turned me into a kaiju. Like, uh -- that wasn't a thing that was around me, or something. That was... me."

She shudders a little bit as she takes it a step further. "It might ''still'' be me. I'm not sure it's ever gonna stop being me." That's a little bleak -- but that means she ''doesn't'' dwell, rather than picking at it.

"... yeah, though," Akane admits. "There's been a lot of good surprises. Rikka and I are dating now." That one makes her smile.

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
<poem>
        It ''is'' good to hear Akane acknowledge these things out loud now. It's better for her, and it's better for those who care about her. Kaworu watches her as she admits the kaiju in her heart--that Zegga--was her, and that it might still be her, forever.
        
        "Renais once said to me that, by her understanding, you were convinced that everyone was your enemy, and at least Alexis Kerib was an enemy you knew, and that was why she thought you wouldn't turn away from him," Kaworu says when she's done, addressing the first part first. "Because of that, I didn't really know how to help you. In the end, I decided the best thing to do was to put my faith, and my support, in Rikka." His smile broadens into a breath of a laugh, eyes squinting shut. "I'm glad you two are able to be open with your feelings for one another now."
        
        His eyes open again, smile returning to its placid, slightly crooken normal. "So now that you know of the kaiju in your heart... how do you feel about yourself? You'd long since treated yourself as a kaiju and denied your own humanity... but it seems as though you're taking steps away from that now."
        
        He looks again at the plate of omurice. Akane had taught him the basics of how to cook curry some time ago, but she'd never eaten anything herself. At best, she only ever drank tomato juice. To eat something now... Both of them must understand what that means.

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
<poem>
"That's... pretty accurate. Alexis and I had... not exactly fights, but I'd get a little demanding. I always felt bad about it after? Like... he was always so supportive and things never worked out when I did something besides what he told me to do..." Akane closes her eyes for a moment -- and then decides to eat a little more omurice, giving herself time to think.

"I... well jeez, when you put it like that it sounds like I'm always in denial or something," Akane huffs, after swallowing. "When I was saying that stuff, I guess I meant... I felt free to ''want'' stuff, even if wanting it killed me. Then... I guess I started hating being in the weird... in between state. A kaiju that just... ''resembles'' a person."

After a smaller bite of omurice, Akane continues, "After ''that'', I felt like... it meant I couldn't make my own choices. Like no matter what I did it'd hurt someone, so the best I could hope for was..." She shakes her head. "... now that it seems like that part's over I really dunno what I can even say about it."

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
<poem>
        "Alexis Kerib was actively sabotaging you, so that's not surprising," Kaworu says quite plainly. "Though I'm sure if you asked him, he would say that he was doing nothing more than letting you do as you pleased."
        
        He's silent in the time that she eats. When she huffs about being in denial, Kaworu is still silent, only giving her a steady, unwavering look. Still, as she explains how she felt, he nods once. Sadness tinges the corners of his eyes. A kaiju that just resembles a person, hm.
        
        He doesn't say anything about that, though. This isn't about him.
        
        "You must have felt so trapped," he says instead, sympathetic. "I can understand. When it seems as though you can only follow the path that has been laid before you, you begin to call it destiny. Something inevitable and inescapable. And to some extent, that is true. But..."
        
        He trails off and leaves it at that. The rest, he doesn't really need to say aloud to Akane at this point. She's living it for herself now.

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
<poem>
"Yeah. That was exactly it," Akane agrees, at the thought of sabotage. "He ''did'' say exactly that a lot of the time. I'd have to tell him no on something two or three times before he'd stop bringing it up, though..."

Kaworu mentions her feeling trapped, too... it's nice to have him bringing up a lot of these feelings before she does. It makes them feel a little more normal. "... it seems like most of what was in my way was me. Like -- with Rikka... we could have just talked that out. Alexis just kinda convinced me that if we talked it out I'd end up freaking out and killing her."

"Wish I knew better," she says, and though there's pain in it, she laughs a little.

"I missed being friends with you," she says, suddenly. "I guess we never really stopped, but our last conversation did kinda suck."

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
<poem>
        It's good that Akane did and could tell Alexis 'no'--perhaps that's why things didn't spiral out of control sooner than they might have--but... ultimately, that spiral did still happen. His smile fades as he thinks back to his own interactions with Alexis on the matter, though he sets that aside for the moment to focus on Akane.
        
        "That can't be helped," he says, of her knowing better. "You are seventeen years old, and he is hundreds of thousands of years old. In terms of experience, he vastly overwhelms you." He smiles a little. "...And you are indeed ''very'' stubborn. Guiding you into the obstruction that is yourself was probably not difficult for him."
        
        He pauses. Then, at last, he says quietly, "I'm sorry, Akane Shinjo. I came to understand his true nature shortly after we met, but I chose to defend my own interests over yours." He doesn't speculate what might have been different had he done otherwise, because a million times out of a million, he would have still chosen Shinji over her. It's nothing against Akane--but it's something she might well hold against him. "It's as you said in the boutique: I was too late to do anything."
        
        And he might leave it at that--might accept if she were to get angry with him--except suddenly she says she missed being friends, although they never quite stopped. "We didn't? I thought you didn't like me," he says, eyes widening in guileless surprise. "Anti told me that you told him you don't like kaiju that are too much like humans."
        
        He doesn't take the next step from there, at least not out loud: Akane has already brought up their last conversation on her own. About how she'd told him that he was more human than kaiju, if he was kaiju at all, in her view.

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
<poem>
Hearing Kaworu admit that he chose his own interests over hers... that ought to upset Akane, but she mostly seems confused. A little surprised, maybe, as she concedes, "I mean, if I had a choice between helping someone I only kinda knew and helping Rikka... yeah, easy pick." There's a bit of a release in saying that -- like one of the thought traps Akane lives in is now propped open and she's free to pull another appendage out of it.

When Kaworu brings up what she told Anti, though... she palms her own face fully, feeling the nose pieces of her glasses press in a bit. "Oh my god." She doesn't even sound upset, she's just... staggered, for a moment.

"That isn't what I meant there at all... look, it's -- I, uh." She closes her eyes, breathing out. "I didn't even see ''him'' as a kaiju when I said that, let alone ''you''. I was talking about ''me''!" She flops into her bed in embarrassment; her morning cup of water wobbles, but doesn't fall.

"Ooohh my god," she says again. "I was saying that all that stuff about kaiju -- existing to be defeated, existing just to die, wanting things and hurting everyone over it -- wasn't a thing for him anymore, but it was for me."

Letting her hand fall onto the bed, she breathes out a sigh. "Did you really spend the last ''two months'' thinking I hated you?" she asks, incredulous. "... I want to tease you about it but I'm pretty sure I don't have a leg to stand on there."

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
<poem>
        It's more of a relief than Kaworu had anticipated to hear Akane admit she understands where he was coming from, and if it had been her, she would have made the same basic choice. His smile turns, faint and at the corners, but genuine all the same.

        Her reaction to the rest, though--her pressing her hands to her face, her being seemingly flummoxed--gets a wide-eyed stare from him. He doesn't interrupt until she's done, but... So, that's what she'd truly meant all this time. It's a relief to know that it was an accident rather than by design that she'd wounded him. It's very much like Akane to say such things to wound herself, too. His smile doesn't fade but turns melancholic.

        "I suppose I did," he admits. "It seems I misunderstood you. But it also seems you've misunderstood me, too. Whether you see me as one or not, I am {{Ruby|a kaiju|an Angel}}. I only pretend to be {{Ruby|human|Lilim}}." (Arguably not very well, even as he is at least half-human, but both of those are a different conversation.) "You're one of the only ones who knows, so it..."

        Now his smile fails, and its fall brings down with it lines under his eyes. "...hurts, for you to deny that."

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
<poem>
Akane thinks about this for a long time, after Kaworu admits it hurts for her to deny that Kaworu is something different from human. She needs a little time to chew on it -- and after about ten seconds of awkward silence, something seems to click. Akane's eyes widen and she looks ''extremely'' embarrassed.

"Oh jeez -- I didn't even think about it that way," she says, not quite at a stammer but clearly processing something that may not be obvious to Kaworu. "Yeah that's -- uh, not. Oh wow. That's not what I meant at ''all''..."

Rubbing at her lilac hair, she continues, "If you want to be a kaiju, you can be and I'm not gonna deny that. But sometimes you give off this vibe like... that's not a thing that makes you happy, and you aren't -- ''committed'' to the stuff that makes a kaiju a kaiju. If you're just clinging to that 'cuz you think it doesn't change..."

Shaking her head, she says, "God, I dunno what I'm saying. But I think you see that stuff as kinda rigid in a way I don't, and it might be holding you back. Anti and I kinda prove the line's a liiiiiiiittle blurry." She remembers she was eating, and eats a little more. "I never really thought about people in... physical categories like that, before. I'm trying to figure out how I even got stuck in that kinda thinking..."

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
<poem>
        For the ten seconds that Akane thinks what he said over, Kaworu waits. To him, it isn't awkward, though if there were an outside observer (there is not; Kaworu would not have said these things aloud if there were), it probably would have been deeply awkward to them.
        
        But she comes to a conclusion, and she seems embarrassed anew by it. And... she brings up some good points. Kaworu lowers his gaze to the floor between them. "..."
        
        After several long seconds of his own, he smiles again, a little bit of a breath--not quite a sigh, but close to it--its rueful companion. "It's not really a matter of wanting or not wanting... or so I wish I could say, but--well observed, Akane. As you say, I'm not committed. I turned my back on that some time ago and chose instead to commit myself to protecting the Earth and the Lilim that live upon it. That's why I'm here."
        
        He leans his head back to now look at the ceiling, gaze distant. Held back by rigidity... "You may be right. In truth, I've gone back and forth on it many times," he admits quietly. "There was a time where I wanted to be a Lilim so badly I made myself forget I ever wasn't. And..."
        
        He pauses; there's something hesitant in it, now. At last he regards Akane directly, though she might be too busy eating to meet his eyes. "I consider myself a kaiju, but genetically speaking, I'm actually only half. The other half of my DNA comes from a human." His gaze flicks down again. "...Perhaps that's why I'm more prone to thinking of people in physical categories, as you put it."
        
        Another pause. Akane might get the vibe that this one is for him to collect himself, which is saying something considering he's been collected this entire time. "...Regardless, thank you, Akane. It's reassuring to know you meant it in a kind way."

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
<poem>
Akane listens to Kaworu as he explains himself and his situation; it's... interesting, to hear him tell this part of his story, at this moment in time. "Making a choice to protect the Earth and the Lilim that live upon it..." Akane needs a little bit to chew on the whole thing. What Kaworu has presented her is heavy and complicated and she owes it to him to engage with it seriously. ... it has some applicability for her own situation, too.

"... yeah, that... might have something to do with it," Akane reflects. "The DNA thing. And it kinda makes sense you'd land on that, I guess, too... if you're spending all your time with humans, it gets pretty easy to define yourself by what you're dealing with that the rest of them aren't."

Swallowing, Akane again takes another bite of omurice -- her last, in fact. "... huh. Now that I think about it, that was usually the kinda stuff Alexis would lead me around to thinking about." After a gusty little breath out, she says, "Hey, don't get ahead of yourself. It probably sucked to hear for you, so I'm sorry for that part either way."

Putting all those topics together gets Akane curious about something, though... "That kinda reminds me. How do ''you'' know Alexis? Do you know Juggler, too? Uh -- spikey guy, big armor, cool sword, crescent moon on his chest?"

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
<poem>
        It's not something he usually discusses with anyone, either. Only a handful of people know he's a kaiju of any stripe in the first place, though more have come about in recent times. It likewise feels good to see her taking it seriously. He already trusted her on this sort of matter, but it's good to have that trust validated.
        
        "Originally, it was my destiny to live on. In other words, to scour Lilimkind from the Earth so that my kind could populate it instead," Kaworu thus adds. He's told Akane before that his purpose was to destroy the world, so expanding on it here is only expressing more of the trust he's given her already.
        
        She has a perspective on the matter of his DNA that he himself hadn't considered. Definining oneself by what makes one different from others... Yes. He was raised in the company of Lilim, ever since the beginning, he reflects. Raised steeped in the culture of the very beings he was fated to destroy... Truly, could he have developed into anything other than this?
        
        "Thank you," he repeats either way. Because he really does appreciate the apology.
        
        But... so Alexis made her think about these things too. That's dismaying in its own right. Kaworu keeps that reaction to himself. There's a lot he's able to talk to Akane about, but... that's not one of them. So, too, is the nature of how exactly he knows Alexis, so it's helpful that she brings up Juggler.
        
        "Yes. We're well-acquainted. You could say he's something like my mentor," he replies. "Alexis and I met in the same way that he and Juggler did, albeit not at the same time."

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
<poem>
Kaworu's ultimate thank-you gets a similarly ultimate "You're welcome," and a little smile. She remains oriented on him as they pivot topics --

And then she kind of gets thrown for a loop. Juggler is... Kaworu's mentor? Akane can see that now that it's out there -- there is definitely a way in which they attack topics that's similar-ish. On the other hand, it raises some questions about how in God's name a NERV administrator picks up a weird seijin for a mentor.

... eeh, no, that's actually not that weird either. Consider how many people in strange circumstances Akane herself knows.

"Huh... that's interesting. I'm kind of curious -- were those guys... ''always'' like that?" The more she thinks about it the more she realizes she doesn't know a single damn thing about Alexis, when it comes down to it. "I guess I'm just wondering about this stuff 'cuz... one time Alexis said that he'd seen more creator-creation pairs come to blows than not, and I guess I'm wondering if that includes you, now."

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
<poem>
        Surely not. There are plenty of weird people in the world, and weird ways in which people connect.
        
        "Hmm." Kaworu's smile warms at her question. "In some ways, they're very different from what they once were. And in other ways, they haven't changed at all."
        
        It's only natural that Akane is curious about Alexis, all considered. His expression turns pensive at how she actually phrases it, though. "Mm... Hmm." Kaworu has openly disobeyed SEELE several times in previous universes, and of course he stands against Adam's children even as he is himself one of them, but...
        
        "I wouldn't say we've come to blows, as such... but it might be inevitable that it comes to pass," he eventually lands on. "It's a complicated situation."
        
&lt;Pose Tracker&gt; Akane Shinjo has posed.

"Huh." Akane thinks a little about the fullness of Kaworu's answers -- is there really enough time in Kaworu's life, apparently even younger than her own, that he could have known Juggler and Alexis at different life stages and not all at once? It feels strange...

... but she doesn't press on it. The actual answers are interesting enough and they give her a lot to chew on. "It's weird to think of them as people that -- ''change''," Akane murmurs. "But I guess people don't generally just pop into reality and be who they are forever."

The other answer, too... "Then I guess I wonder where he got that idea from, still. Thanks for answering, at least." Sighing, she allows herself a messier feeling than curiosity. "I wish I knew why he was... like that? There's some stuff I could go on but not a lot of it adds up."

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
<poem>
        It ''is'' strange, but since Akane doesn't press on it, Kaworu doesn't remark further. At a certain point, he would just refuse to tell her more, anyway. Her murmured remark does get a chuckle out of him, though.
        
        As for that idea about creators and creations, Kaworu would recommend Akane talk to Riku Asakura about that, but... that's not his story to tell, even in implication.
        
        "You're welcome," he says instead. His smile turns bittersweet. "I wish I knew, too. I have some ideas, but... there's simply a large portion of his life I don't know anything about."
        
        He considers telling Akane that Alexis Kerib used to be a good man. He decides against it. It wouldn't help her, and might ultimately even hurt her.
        
        "Suffice to say that he is extremely long-lived," he says instead, because that's something he's already said. And, because it's something that NERV in general knows at this point: "You may know this already, but he is actually immortal. That is to say, he can't be killed. It's something that's caused Gridman and the rest of us a considerable amount of frustration."
        
        He pauses in consideration. Then he wonders, "Have you ever spoken with Ruri Hoshino, of the Nadesico?"
</poem>

 <Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
<poem>
... A ''large'' portion? Is Kaworu's birthday even real?

Again -- questions Akane decides to leave on the table for now. Again -- more pressing stuff than digging into things Kaworu's only talking about sideways. Besides -- he's given her something terrifying to even countenance!

"... I kind of thought that was the case, but it's another thing to... hear it, I guess," she concedes limply. "It really is never going to end, huh... I could get boring for him but I don't think that's likely if he's immortal..."

The temperature in the room feels like it's dropping a bit -- but Akane latches onto the question about Ruri to give herself literally anything else to think about. "Ruri... yeah, once. I know she knows Alexis, but not a ton of the details. ... why do you ask?"

She has a feeling that anywhere this conversation goes sucks, but even so...
</poem>

 <Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
<poem>
        99.99999998% is a large portion!
        
        "I'm sorry if that's overwhelming to hear," Kaworu says, the insides of his brows turning upwards. "For what it's worth, I don't think anyone will be inclined to let him near you again. But... the matter of Alexis Kerib is indeed one that won't find easy resolution."
        
        If Gridman could remember how to use the Fixer Beam... But there's no use in banking on things that may or may not happen.
        
        "She has some insights about him, because he started to do to her on the side what he was doing to you," Kaworu tells Akane matter-of-fact. "She's come to learn not to trust him thanks to everything that's occurred, but she did think well of him for a time. It might be good for both of you to discuss it."
        
</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
<poem>
... It wasn't even her. It could be literally anyone. (Well, maybe not literally anyone. Akane notices that his preference seems to be for teen and tween girls, instantly, drawing a line between herself and Ruri. But that's still a big number in a cold, cold Earth Sphere. And there aren't a billion 3Gs.)

Akane shivers a little to think about it -- but maybe she can get some sense of what Alexis wants from talking to Ruri, and then... start thinking about next steps.

"Jeez. I don't even know where to begin, though. I'm guessing he started out just asking her questions about stuff like... where she wanted to live, what she wanted the world to look like?" The fact that it really could have been anyone... that's so miserable. She isn't even special in that sense. It could have been ''anyone'', but it was her, and she has to live with it.

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
<poem>
        "Ruri could tell you more about that than I could," Kaworu replies. "My understanding is that he started out by seeming affable and perhaps sometimes inappropriate, but not intentionally so--that it was a lack of understanding rather than ill intent that made him behave the way he did. And he came when she called for his help, further increasing her trust for him."
        
        He sighs a little. Fortunately, Omoikane hadn't trusted Alexis, tempering what could have been another tragedy. "I'd talked to her a little about you myself," he adds. "When Alexis Kerib made his intentions known to me, I asked her for advice. I kept names out of it, but... I imagine she'll remember."
        
        He's quiet for a moment. Then, with concern, he asks, "Are you going to be all right?" Because the air around her implies she's certainly not all right at the moment.
        
</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
<poem>
Akane shakes her head. "... I don't know. It's not that I don't trust you guys to protect me, or at least try, but... I just feel like this is going to keep happening." She thinks it through. It's an ugly, scary thought -- but she can voice it.

"Part of me feels like... if I hadn't been rescued, he could have just been satisfied with me, forever, and it wouldn't be anyone else's problem. It's -- I'm not ungrateful, either, but..." She gathers her pillow up and hugs it in front of her. After a moment, her hand reaches out and snags her four-eyed cat plush, too. "I don't want it to be like that. I just want him to stop hurting people."

She finally gets back to Ruri, though, saying, "I'll talk to her. That's okay. I can do that."

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
<poem>
        It's understandable, that she doesn't know. There is so much that is adrift and unknowable for Akane right now. Yet because she voices that ugly, scary thought, it can be challenged. Like so:
        
        "That's demonstrably untrue," Kaworu replies, of Alexis being satisfied with just her. "Besides Ruri Hoshino, Alexis Kerib also actively toyed with at least one other young woman by the name of Riika Sheder while you were in his dubious care. He has been far more than just your problem--though it's true he has been the biggest problem to you."
        
        He looks at the cat plush, and at Akane as she hugs her pillow. "We want that too, Akane," he says quietly. "It's no wonder that you're worried. But you're not alone. Remember that." He nods in approval when she says she'll talk to Ruri, too. "I hope it will be a fruitful conversation for both of you."

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
<poem>
Akane seems startled by processing that -- but it's not a bad thing at all. "Huh. I wasn't thinking about it like that. I knew about Riika, too... Alexis kinda got me on the hook for messing with her a bit, too. I came up in conversation with her, so he had me VERTEX her."

"Thanks," Akane says, with a small nod to Kaworu. "For all of it. I'll definitely talk to her." It takes her a little while to process what her next step is -- and eventually she settles for...

"I'll try to remember that. Right now I kinda... might need a nap for a bit. I'm ''still'' really tired. But I'm pretty happy you came and we talked." How much sleep debt does she ''have''?

</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Kaworu Nagisa has posed.
<poem>
        So she knew about Riika already... That's not a bad thing indeed. It means Akane has that extra bit more perspective now--and, most importantly, she's willing to take it into consideration now.
        
        "You're welcome," he replies, smiling again. "I'm glad you reached out to me for that talk. I would have left you in peace otherwise." He rises up from his chair. "Sleep well, Akane. Anytime you would like to talk, please don't hesitate to reach out again. I'll reach out to you, too."
        
        As he has been all this time. But that's beside the point, in his view.
        
        With that, he'll leave her be to get her rest. All considered, she no doubt has quite a bit of sleep debt indeed.
        
</poem>
 <Pose Tracker> Akane Shinjo has posed.
<poem>
Akane nods, saying, "Thanks. My VERTEX is still the same... though maybe I'll change my picture in a little bit," she says, before he heads out. "See you later, Kaworu."

She makes sure her food situation is relatively square, and -- after a last sip of ice water -- settles back in for another nap.
</poem>

[[Category:Logs]]
[[Category:Phase 1]]
[[Category:Phase 1, Turn 2]]